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Disregard the title of this, I'm just going to have to examine the 'verse. Which I despise...but hey.
The original fic makes a few glaring mistakes. Characters are OOC. There're two flat OCs that we barely care about, if at all, and some mediocre, that is, neither good nor bad, writing. Blaze will admit that it's kinda shitty, and I agree. It's not too bad, but it's definitely nowhere near good.
Then comes Chatoyance. Dear. Lord. Chatoyance. It's like every single thing that annoys me about fanfiction rolled into one author. But I can't just say that, I have to explain why it's so obnoxious to me.
For starters, Chatty's got an ego the size of a tanker and enough self-righteousness to outclass your standard Spess Mehreen. She seems to think that her own vision is more in-tune than Faust's own damn show. And that's no good. Seriously, there are a thousand and one reasons why that's an absolutely terrible mindset to write with, not to mention the fact that she believes herself to be so far above criticism that just mentioning the fact that you don't like her stories will get you fucking crucified.
The writing itself is passable. I mean, they do meander, and the prose gets really flowery, but it's okay. But the universe is poorly made. There are so many unaccounted-for flaws in this place that it makes no logical sense. Things are painted black and white, as though a situation like this would be so easy to solve. Because humanity would totally be willing to succumb to genocide unless willing to change your bodies into that of my litle ponly, amirite?!
Then we have the characters. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, gets in on the Fantastic Racism. Celestia's a ridiculous God Mode Sue. The villains are more sympathetic than the fucking protagonists. There is something fundamentally wrong with this! Reading it leaves a taste in my mouth that's worse than Mountain Dew.
If this sounds like an incredibly negative and harsh review, then you're right. It is incredibly harsh, and negative. And kind of harsh.
I wouldn't even be this damned scathing if it weren't for the author's attitude...but oh well.
I agree with everything you said.
There's also the misanthropic messages that Chatoyance seems adamant on shoving down the reader's throats.
And then there's her ridiculous pontificating on various subjects that have barely anything to do with the story.
Finally, there's her
The last thing that pisses me off about her is complete and utter lack of respect with which she treats her fellow critics and authors.
One thing I found really odd was the treatment of Celestia. In Chatoyance's other writings, you clearly see that she hates the idea of an all-powerful God. She considers the idea to be equivalent to a dictatorship, and religion in general to be evil to the core. And yet... and yet... she presents an idyllic society ruled by a powerful Goddess and this is shown as evidence for the superiority of pony society. There is not the slightest irony in Celestia's depiction: a presentation of a powerful, caring Goddess-empress.
Granted, that is generally how canon portrays her. Still, I would've thought that Chatoyance wouldn't do as much so eagerly. Especially not treat her rule as something unambiguously good, given her stated beliefs in her essays.
Her "essays" are more or less epic fan wank combined with nonsensical drivel. It's stupid on a new, amazing scale. Also, lolhypocrisy.
The worst bit is, yes, Dialga, you are 2394024% correct, her attitude towards her fellow critics and authors. It's like...fucking terrible. Seriously. There's no reason to act like that. You can be an amazing author, and I'd still call you out on that kind of behavior. But with Chatty?
"And then there's her ridiculous pontificating on various subjects that have barely anything to do with the story."
THIS is what bugs me about her stories the most. Entire paragraphs and even CHAPTERS devoted to hammering a message into the audience's head that has little to no connection with the story. I'm not against putting messages in a story and I won't bash something if it just has a message against my own views, but the way the stories are basically messages poorly disguised as stories half the time and that messages are shoved into the story with little thought as to how they tie in just makes the stories pretentious, irritating, and condescending.
"The last thing that pisses me off about her is complete and utter lack of respect with which she treats her fellow critics and authors."
If the first thing was what bugs me about the stories themselves the most, this is just what bugs me the most period. I know criticism isn't fun to get sometimes, but the whole "acting like a condescending jerk to people and then turning around and playing victim when someone criticizes your work, even if said criticism was gentle" REALLY rubs me the wrong way.
This review definitely hits some of my other peeves, though. Honestly, I kept getting all the protagonist characters mixed up half of the time because they were all so similar- same views on the world and such.
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