lccorp 2, while yours is not a possible answer, is the most accurate way to pput it.

Maybe by TLC he means his Totally Lame Car.

So when's the next issue gonna be liveblogged? I'm in the mood for some derring-do, Christian style.

Chris would want to save a park? But that's a place seen by the hideous, scorching light of the sun. I wouldn't expect him to appreciate it.

Obviously its for free publicity.

Doing Ep 13 as we speak... I mean.... huh...

To be fair, SS 4 took me a lot of time and words, and it was only five pages long. Take your time.

Welcome to Sonichu Episode 13. Well, I assume it's episode 13, because Chris has started a new story, and hasn't seen fit to give it a title, therefore I call dibs on naming rights.

Sonichu Episode 13: Wherein an Idiot Character has Useless Friends

The story opens in "The city of CWCville, where True Love blossoms between True Loving couples", where a couple named Harriett and Joseph are at the park. With Chris' crappy page design, it's hard to tell if the couple are saying each other's names or if the guy's name is actually Hariett. Close inspection reveals it's the former, but I'm going to run with the latter For the Lulz. So anyway, they're about to have their first kiss when a guy who looks like the bastard love child of Mr Hankey and The Man in the Pickle Suit jumps in and totally cockblocks Hariett, yelling something about their mistress forbidding love. Elsewhere, a midget in a red suit stops a dude who we don't see from declaring his love to his girl (who we do see) and another guy in a white... something slaps down a couple who are holding hands. The girl runs off to call 911, proving herself to be the most useful girl in this episode, which isn't saying much, because I'm fairly sure the police of CWCville are actually completely useless.

Next we see Chris and Sonichu "chillin' at the mall". This is page 26, and it's the first time Sonichu has even been mentioned in this entire issue. The two page consist to the following pictures: An outside shot of the mall, a map showing...something, a headshot of Chris, A headshot of Sonichu which is off model even by the standards of this comic and a drawing of a speaker. The rest is solid wall to wall text consisting of Chris bragging about his Mall and phoney degree, Chris harping on about Megan and saying that she's 'irreplaceable' and Chris and the speaker giving us a plot recap, just in case somebody missed the first three pages of the issue.

Chris jumps up and monologues while his feet suddenly become the same size as his head. I'd get that checked out if I were you, buddy. A poorly colored flashback shows us that Chris thinks his citizens are so stupid, they have trouble identifying a police uniform and somehow Chris has also now got a magic DS that links up to a satellite and tracks bad guys. Why doesn't he just use this to take out the bad guys once and for all before they start causing trouble? Also making an appearance is a Rocket Surfboard that Chris uses to race Sonichu to the bad guys while Mary Lee Walsh gives a generic villain plan outline.

So Chris rocks up somewhere that doesn't have a background and his first order of business is to send the cops packing. What the hell does he pay them for anyway? Next he summons the Chaotic Combo, who get the sum total of no lines in this entire issue and are exactly as useful in a crisis as the police. I'm so glad Chris wasted our time building background for these clearly main characters. Finally we have Chris' repressed homosexual urges twin sister, who is sad that she has to leave perfume shopping to help Chris. This is in no way surprising, as we're already familiar with Chris' misinformed and frankly sexist opinion of how women 'behave'. After two mercifully short transformation sequences and a picture of what might be the Chaotic Combo (Appearance #2 of 5 in this episode), we're treated to a sideways shot of Chris and Christina. Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo (Appearance #3 of 5) are also in the picture, but Chris and Christina have decided that they're the most important, and are actually blocking the faces of some of the other characters. We're also finally given the episode name and number, but it's too late for that Chris, I've already called dibs on episode naming rights.

There's a bit of back and forth between Chris and Mary Lee Ryan on the next page, but it's cliched and boring. The only thing of note here is a character who is clearly based off a combination of Chef and whoever ran his CADD course, who spouts off some dialogue that makes me doubt if Chris even passed his degree. He fights Chris and Christina, and I think he wipes the floor with them, but because the fight is so badly drawn, it's hard to tell. Eventually they're saved by Sailor Moon ripoff Megan and her purple skunk. They announce themselves in a page that is a blatent cut and paste job from the a previous episode that's in the same issue! Chris is once again complimented for his good taste in Megan, and then he and Christina join their souls to create an attack which is exclusively named after Chris. Nice way to give credit where it's clearly due Chris.

Our hero prepares to finish the fight, Mary waves a wand and creates a 'Dark Mirror Hole' under Chris. The only parts of this we see are Chris standing around and part of what I assume is a wand, because Chris is lazy and egotistical. Everybody is shocked (Chaotic Combo appearance #4 of 5), but only Megan and Christina move to help pull him out because the rest secretly long for Chris' dystopian reign to come to an end. Sorry guys, Mary Sue's here to stay

Meanwhile in Viridian City, we get a bit of foreshadowing with Black Sonichu and Naitsirhc which seems to be taken right out of a bad soap opera. We cut back to Mary in time to see that she's clearly never read the Evil Overlord List. Instead of trapping Chris in her inescapable prison, she's decided to trap his much less powerful sister instead. Then again, Chis is a man, and therefore will never be taken hostage in the Sonichu universe. The last two pages are Megan, more worried about Chris' feelings then the welfare of his sister, and Mary Lee Ryan gloating to Chris, Megan and the Chaotic combo (Appearance #5 of 5, faces not seen) over a 'To Be Continued...' that reminds us that our suffering is far from over.

Thank god I've finished, but now I have a headache. Thanks, CHRIS.

Jerk...

edited 11th Jun '10 11:13:15 PM by Marky_Markk

^ Chris has been kidnapped yes, but once and was freed by "believing in his sister" and used that as a half assed way to show modesty ("I served myself on a silver platter!".)

Great recap.

I'm pretty sure Chris has never had an original thought in his life. The damsel in distress cliche, the characters who are real-life people with their names spelled backwards, the pikachu/sonic mashup that he sees as "supremely insightful", it all signifies an incredible lack of creativity. But I guess that's all you can expect from someone who's spent the last ten years of his life not experiencing anything.

Miracle Whip Hipster, the sad thing about it is that under the hands of a good writer/artist, the concept is not bad. it could have been a satire against the kind of things sonichu is (an unorginal work of fan-fiction that just mashes up ideas built around a storm of cliches) or an original well done fan-fiction.

Chris has been kidnapped yes, but once and was freed by "believing in his sister" and used that as a half assed way to show modesty ("I served myself on a silver platter!".)

Whoa hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves yet.

But still, great work on the recap as usual. I'll see if I can finish mine this weekend.

Miracle Whip Hipster: Originally the names weren't spelled backward. They were only spelled backward because Chris thought that meant he could get away with writing real people as bad guys in his comic.

I'm curious; Jerkops are essentially the police, yes? And Chris is in charge of the police in CW Cville, yes? So why does he fund the Jerkops in the first place?

And in those three sentences I have put more thought into the concept of CW Cville than Chris ever has.

Those Jerkops are UNTRUE and DISHONEST! The Real Cops wear Blue! Jerkops wear the DISGUSTING Color Brown!

/rp

There's something unsettlingly appropriate about the fact that the tool Chris uses to monitor all CW Cville's citizens via satellite is his handheld Nintendo system. He's too lazy even to do his job in his fictional egopolis, because he's too busy using his magic surveillance tool to fill up his Pokedex.

Ahaha, I never thought of that. That totally answers the "why doesn't he just stop bad guys before they do anything" question.

That D.S. also raises serious ethical concerns, but then again so does everything in CW Cville.

Chris runs a 1984 style dystopia where he runs both the government and the resistance.

Simple answer: Chris leaves all the job to his secretary while he goes around town performing wanton acts of heroism douchebaggery.

edited 14th Jun '10 3:21:55 PM by Johaely

Update Inbound with Episode 12.5

Here we are at Sonichu Issue 6 and regular readers will recall that Issue 5 ended on a dramatic cliffhanger that left us all breathless and on the edge of our seats. Except by breathless, I mean bored, and by edge of our seats, I mean fully aware of the impending Ass Pull that our one man Spotlight-Stealing Squad is going to produce to save the day. But that's not going to happen today, because Chris has decided to throw in a Breather Episode dedicated to his dog Patti, whose death Chris once compared to 9/11. The question whether this is Chris' attempt to buid dramatic tension, or just deciding his dog is more important is not for small minds to ponder.

Chris has seen fit to give us an Episode number and name right off the bat this time, but I like naming the Episodes myself, so instead of introducing

Sonichu Episode 12.5: One Lucky Dog

I'm going to introduce

Sonichu Episode 12.5: Shouldn't This Be A Sub-Episode?

The episode opens with a surprisingly unseen Chris introducing us to his dog Patti via massive infodump. Apparently Patti was born on St Patrick's Day (Real original name there), which is where the 'Lucky' Part of Chris' title comes in. In case you're wondering, the story starts on the night of June 28, with Patti in her pen looking at the moon. We know she's looking at the moon because both Chris and Patti's internal monologue tell us that, and to drive the point home there's two photographs on the page (Because it's the real world), one of the moon, and one of Chris' backyard where he's stuck in a drawing of a dog that's clearly just a copy of someone else's drawing.

Patti laments that she can't talk to Chris and thank him for his years of kindness, then eats what looks like rat poison before curling up to die. The only remarkable thing about this whole sequence is that Patti's nose is about half as long as her body, which must make licking her ass a breeze.

The next day, the plot thins when Chris enters and discovers that SHOCK, his dog's become an anthropomorphic talking dog! This is presented to us in a series of photos of Chris overacting and looking at the camera while pretending not to. Patti meanwhile, seems to be drawn as a more realistic character, as she's clearly unimpressed by Chris and doesn't want to be there. She snarks back at Chris as he starts to hit on her and then demands better living accommodations. Chris says he knows just the place (CWCVille) and invites her inside.

MISSING: Family Dog. Was last seen entering the house of an autistic manchild with a history of violent offences. REWARD OFFERED.

They enter Chris' room, which as we know is full of CRAP. Patti points this out and suggests he needs 'a woman's touch'. This clearly set up everyone, ever, to insert their own joke, but Chris comes out and ruins it for the rest of us by making it himself, and leaving me feeling slightly ill. However, feel free to suggest things the Chris needs INSTEAD of a woman's touch.

Chris makes THE tired open sesame pun, and opens a portal to Hell CWCVille's office of the Mayor, located conveniently above the shopping center for when the Mayor wants to take a quick break out of his busy day and do some ACTUAL WORK INSTEAD OF MOLESTING WOMEN!

Chris shows Patti how he runs the government, which seems to consist solely of him signing documents on his magical Nintendo DS, and gives her something to protect her from CWCville's resistance villains, but Patti is distinctly under whelmed as she starts to realise what she's gotten herself into. Before she gets a chance to run, she's introduced to Allison Amber, a 'former movie star' who 'retired early to fulfill her dream of being the aide of a big cheese' like Chris. Really Chris? REALLY? A Movie Star would REALLY give up her career and to become the OVERWORKED AIDE of massive DOUCHEBAG like YOU? You think that this is something that would ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

.........idiot.

Before anyone can point out the impossibility of this whole situation, Chris' phone rings, and the less said about his choice of ringtones the better we'll all be. Turns out there's another crisis that only he can handle, so he's gotta go, but before he does, he's got a couple more things for Patti. One's a mobile with unlimited talk time and the other's a card for free food at anywhere in CWCVille, proving Chris has no knowledge of basic economics. People worked really had to make that stuff Chris, and now you expect them to give it away for free? How many of those cards and phones have you given to girls Chris? Anyway, he fondles Patti one last time, who looks disturbed by this turn of events, and then, as is tradition in tributes, we have a black and white photo and her dates of birth and death.

That concludes Sonichu Episode 12.5, join us next week as CWCVille continues it's spiral into cold war era socialism and we see just how many asspulls Chris can fit into one episode.

edited 14th Jun '10 7:56:50 PM by Marky_Markk

only thing i can sya: bravo.

When you realiuze it, allison amber is the most depressing charcater and the probably one with the most issues

Man, Episode 12.5: Shouldn't This Be A Sub-Episode? is the best one yet! It's got it all: sexy secretaries, political intrigue, and a man hitting on his dog.

Also, don't Sonichu and Rosechu have a similar freeloader deal in place? I think it's a wish fulfillment thing.

edited 14th Jun '10 8:07:55 PM by MiracleWhipHipster

He has a DS that can quite literally do anythong. I'm sure those cards generate food or something like that.

And yes, I see that typo. Leaving it in there.

^ I see what you did there

^^ Yeah, the three of them are actually stated to get that deal for allowing Chris to rock up and steal their thunder. We can probably assume that stretches to the rest of the cast...

IIRC, Chris once detailed how his freakjob Chaotic Combo minion/children had taxpayer-provided houses and surprisingly low salary for being world-saving hero types. Maybe their income is supplemented by raiding dropped cash and treasure from slain foes, which would explain why in a later issue Wild just up and slaughters a huge number of Jerkops by lassoing them all up, swinging them overhead, and snapping their necks on the ground behind him—they gotta pay the bills somehow!