Poly plays Fallout 3

Tenpenny. Then base your morality on hat concentration.

He has a hat, how can you refuse him? You can always say that you weren't really listening and had no idea that he was a bad guy.

EDIT: Get the sherrif's sweet hat before you blow up the town though. What a waste it would be...

edited 22nd Sep '09 12:53:55 PM by Pentadragon

My 100% completionist tendencies are screaming about the bobble-head that will be Lost Forver.

Alright, it's been decided that Lincoln will first explore Megaton in search of hats, then head over to Tenpenny Tower and check on the headwear situation over there. Post will be up within the hour.

Such a difficult decision! Lincoln decided to explore the town and see if it would placate him. Maybe there were more hats here to be saved! Maybe even sillier hats than the Sheriff's!

Twenty◊ Minutes◊ Later◊, and still no hats. Not a single one. Disappointed, Lincoln went back to Moriarty's to drown his sorrows. After a few beers he approached a pretty lady beside the bar. He knew how this went: one of his dads in the vault had had a magazine with all sorts of pictures in it. Lincoln approached the lady and pointed at his crotch. "Hrrrmm?" he said.

...◊

Bitch. This town was proving to be nothing but a disappointment. No ketchup, no hats and no new friends. Ranting about "Grrrr R Rarg!" and "Brr AAA Ainnnsss", Lincoln turned his back on Megaton and headed into the wasteland.◊ This was much better. Cool air, great views and no mean ladies to hurt Lincoln's feelings.

Suddenly, a group of voices cut through the night air. "Hey! Wanna come play ball with us?" said one.◊ Lincoln smiled. He'd finally made some new friends. As they got closer, Lincoln 18 noticed that one of them was coughing an awful lot. Coughing up blood in fact. Oh no! He thought. Tuberculosis!◊ There was no known cure for Tuberculosis! So Lincoln turned and fled, crying as he did so. They didn't want to be his friends after all! They just wanted to spread their diseases to him! They probably had AI Ds too. And homosexuality. Lincoln thought about dad #3 and how after a few beers he'd always talked about how 'the gay' was contagious and how he'd throw Lincoln in the incinerator if he every caught 'the gay'. He'd then say how much he hated dads #1 and #2, with this shiny smiles and tight arses. Lincoln had washed his hands all the time to stop himself catching 'the gay'. He wasn't going to risk getting it here, not even for a game of catch.

Lost in rumination, Lincoln didn't notice a shiney object on the ground, and tripped right over it. He began to sob. Even the ground was out to get him. He turned and took a kick at the offending object, but his foot stopped halfway. He didn't know what the thing on the ground was, but it made several important parts of his brain start screaming litanies of joy. He picked it up and pulled the trigger. Oh balls yeah.◊

Tune in next time, when Zombie Lincoln visits Tenpenny Tower!

edited 23rd Sep '09 1:12:00 AM by polymphus

This becomes even funnier if you imagine it being read aloud in a calm, reading-storybook-to-small-children voice.

I love the monster that I've created with the hat-obsession.

"Oh balls yeah."

I cracked up at this and I don't know why. I guess because zombie Lincoln just picked up a napalm thingie and all he can think is "Oh balls yeah."

Part 4: To Tenpenny Tower!

And so Lincoln set off for Tenpenny Tower. The journey was long and hard, and lots more people with 'the gay' tried to infect Lincoln. He'd gotten good at spotting them: they wore leather straps everywhere they went◊, just like the men in dad's magazines that he didn't show the other dads. Using his new toy, Lincoln had lots of fun turning them into giant walky steaks.◊ Yum! He even found a new toy◊. Those 'gay' better watch out!

Burly men in leather aside, there weren't many others on the road. It was just as Tenpenny Tower◊ began to loom on the horizon that Lincoln spotted a cave, where he thought he'd rest for the night. As he approached the entrance, he saw a pair of men cowering in fear. Not from him though. From slavers.◊ Slavery?

Not.◊ on.◊ Lincoln's.◊ Watch.◊

The slavers had all gone to the big slave camp in the sky, and Lincoln set off again. Huzzah! He had finally reached Tenpenny Tower. He went up to speak to the man at the door. The man wasn't very nice. How rude!◊ But Lincoln would not be Lincoln if he did not know how to change mens' hearts with barely a word. Several rrrargs and brraaaains later, he was inside.◊

Lincoln decided to scout around for hats. As he walked around, he saw not one! And the people◊ here◊ were very snobby and mean. It was decided then; that mean Mr. Burke could detonate his own damn bom-HOLY CHRIST.◊

... Whoops.◊

Tune in next time for part 5: Roaring Rampage of Revenge.◊

edited 25th Sep '09 1:51:19 AM by polymphus

Yeah, I somehow managed to inject a Psychopathic Manchild vibe into Lincoln, and now I'm just sorta running with it.

edited 25th Sep '09 1:52:23 AM by polymphus

Hats. Explosions. Excessive, poorly-targetted violence at random.

I approve.

I wholeheartedly approve of this liveblog.

The amusement value currently stands at: You rappin' GOOD!

Is Lincoln's new toy a rocket launcher or a full-blown Fat Man?

Rocket Launcher. He'd be dead if he used the Fat Man (massive explosion and it makes the entire area seriously radioactive).

Aside from that, finding mini-nukes is a pain.

edited 26th Sep '09 2:04:54 PM by Miijhal

Hat-obsessed, homophobic Zombie Lincoln.

This is amazing.

Sorry about the lack of updates. Lincoln's zombie revenge has been played through and screenshot'd, but I've not really got time to write anything funny to go with it yet. It'll try and get it up this weekend.

So Tenpenny Tower thought they could trick Zombie Lincoln and get away with it did they? Lincoln had run back to Megaton, crying the whole way. What he found was, well

...◊

He'd destroyed a sweet hat and for what? It hit him with a flash. They had a hat shop in Tenpenny Tower, but noone was wearing a hat. It was obvious! It was a trap! They'd deliberately set out to have Lincoln destroy the Sheriff's sweet hat, while all the while flaunting their vile hatlessness! Fiends! Scoundrels! Meanies! They'd pay dearly for this! But there were so many of them! Dozens of guards with big guns and armour: far too much for a simple Lincoln to deal with. Then it hit him.◊ The ghouls! They'd asked Lincoln to go kill some ghouls in the nearby subway, but he'd politely declined. Well he'd show those hatless wonders! He'd rally his new ghoul friends and kill them all! Viva la Revolucion! And so Lincoln headed out to find the subway.

Things started well.◊ The ghouls here were organised. There were no hats, but there was a motorcycle helmet.◊ Lincoln told himself that a helmet could count, just this once.

The other ghouls though; they were...interesting. They stunk of cheap beer, and kept talking about 'keggers' and 'halo'.◊ As daddy #2 would have put it, they were dumb as shit. Lincoln found a convenient podium and banged on it loudly. The ghouls gathered around as he began his speech.

"Brains," he began. "Brains brains, braaaaaaaains." There was a low murmur from the crowd. What what this wackjob on about? Lincoln sighed. "There's a kegger hidden in Tenpenny Tower," he said. As one, the ghoul horde turned and sprinted as fast as they could. Time to begin.

After several minutes, it became evident that the ghouls made a terrible◊ invading◊ army.◊ Their love of partying was simply too great to sustain, and within a quarter of an hour, Tenpenny Tower had been turned into a 'sick rave bro'◊. Swearing under his breath, Lincoln decided to take◊ things◊ into◊ his◊ own◊hands◊.

As the bros cracked open a radioactive kegger in the ruins of the great hall, Lincoln headed upstairs; there was business◊ to attend◊ to.◊ That done, Lincoln kicked up his feet over the mean man's body and listened to the sounds of wild partying from down below. Sometimes, it felt good to be bad.

Join me next time for part 6: I have no idea yet!

What do you think we should do tropers? Should zombie lincoln continue the main quest? Explore the wasteland? Head on over to point lookout? The choice is yours.

Poly Out

edited 4th Oct '09 8:40:48 AM by polymphus

/me applauds uproariously

/me violates hiatus to say Point Lookout FTW

P.S.: Why can I imagine this music playing throughout all of this nonsense?

edited 4th Oct '09 10:34:24 AM by Charlatan

I wasn't watching this thread for the past two weeks, but I'm glad I remembered. Anyway, I say go for the main quest. Screw things up over good and proper. For freedom! For liberty! For stylish hats!

This is an awesome LB.

Aw thanks guys. There's going to be a short hiatus because I have exams this week, but I'll be back by Saturday.

...

What happened to this LP?

Was it forgotten?

Or did the writer of it undergo Author Existence Failure?