I'm still not sure at this point whether dating or casual sex suits me more. On the one hand, there's no condom for a kiss, and under this pandemic, that means to experience it you'd need a partner you can trust, at least to the point of trusting they're not doing anything that could get you infected in turn. On the other hand there's also a great deal more that could go wrong in a relationship than a hookup, such as prolonged abuse or false accusations thereof... which technically could go wrong in a hookup but I'm not sure how much living with someone raises the stakes or the incentives for it. I'm also worried I could get bored of making love to only the same partner, and I would feel awful about it if I did.
I also worry about the worldviews of those who end up in relationships, and wonder whether they are sincere, or feigned to impress their wives, or feigned to impress their wives before becoming sincere. I want to be famous someday, as I have a lot of worldviews I want to put out there before I change my mind, and I want a lifestyle compatible with fame, but I also don't want any particular woman; casual or committed; to think I'm using her as a vehicle to fame.
Of course, there's also some anime for which I'm hyped that I have yet to get around to watching, because of stuff I've seen from them (Evangelion). I'm almost wondering if I'd be better off saving it for a hypothetical future girlfriend who's into anime, or saving it for live anime reaction videos once famous, or both.
There is also a part of me that wants to prove my desirability for casual sex if only to know for a fact, rather than merely suspecting, that the individuals making me out to be "just jealous" are either wrong or dishonest, and not to believe them on anything else. But I often hear of "proving oneself" as the wrong reason to engage in it too.
Edited by neoYTPism on Aug 25th 2020 at 7:40:48 AM
I spent junior high too obsessed with the girl I wanted most to go for any of the ones who I thought wanted me, yet partway through high school hearing of The Baby Trap on webforums made me think I dodged a bullet because of it. I spent a great deal of college on TV Tropes, browsing at night from the same classrooms I learned in (or was supposed to) during the day, yet the tropes on sex and dating often just stood out to me. Sure, it's fiction; but the popularity thereof reflects what people want to watch, if not their worldview.
I looked with a mixture of fear of those risks and envy at the emotional intensity people attach to intimacy, yet it and people's negative attitudes toward those who neither date nor have sex correlated so strongly I worried it was driven by the same instincts; and that giving in to them would make me like them, on top of all the other risks mentioned before.
And wouldn't you know it, now that I'm getting closer to being able to afford child support bills, a pandemic has happened that makes kissing almost as dangerous as sex anyway.
I'm still not sure at this point whether dating or casual sex suits me more. On the one hand, there's no condom for a kiss, and under this pandemic, that means to experience it you'd need a partner you can trust, at least to the point of trusting they're not doing anything that could get you infected in turn. On the other hand there's also a great deal more that could go wrong in a relationship than a hookup, such as prolonged abuse or false accusations thereof... which technically could go wrong in a hookup but I'm not sure how much living with someone raises the stakes or the incentives for it. I'm also worried I could get bored of making love to only the same partner, and I would feel awful about it if I did.
I also worry about the worldviews of those who end up in relationships, and wonder whether they are sincere, or feigned to impress their wives, or feigned to impress their wives before becoming sincere. I want to be famous someday, as I have a lot of worldviews I want to put out there before I change my mind, and I want a lifestyle compatible with fame, but I also don't want any particular woman; casual or committed; to think I'm using her as a vehicle to fame.
Of course, there's also some anime for which I'm hyped that I have yet to get around to watching, because of stuff I've seen from them (Evangelion). I'm almost wondering if I'd be better off saving it for a hypothetical future girlfriend who's into anime, or saving it for live anime reaction videos once famous, or both.
There is also a part of me that wants to prove my desirability for casual sex if only to know for a fact, rather than merely suspecting, that the individuals making me out to be "just jealous" are either wrong or dishonest, and not to believe them on anything else. But I often hear of "proving oneself" as the wrong reason to engage in it too.
Edited by neoYTPism on Aug 25th 2020 at 7:40:48 AM