Dwarf Fortress Troper Succession Game (New Edition)

(Pointless unlabelled levers, grandiose architecture projects, massive water traps, useless nobles who meet with 'unfortunate accidents'... They're all probably just Incan-themed dorfs. :P )

Yes. Normally you wouldn't given their value and that it's usually hard to miss:

=marble ring=
Bladderhammer the Fortune of Boulders the adamantine goblet
*mudstone flute*

If I did though, that's what happens when you don't really care about the trade and do it at 1 am.

edited 9th Oct '12 9:24:11 AM by Rotpar

Still, it was kind of you to look the other way when civilians attempted to smuggle historic artworks out of their doomed capital.

You're going to have to devise some kind of Training from Hell to make all of those kids into worthy military dorfs, or just kill them with cyanide-laced candy.

Or just load them up onto the kill tower and add their bodies to the growing pile of corpses.

I have plans for the kids. But they're "innocents" and "pure".

...Your going to dump them in lava aren't you. OR dump lava on them.

Dump them in lava then dump lava on the lava! 'All things in the universe turn to ashes'!

And then we brick up the lava, and throw away the bricklayer, to wolves, which we then blow up.

It's genius*.

.* Dwarven word for "insane"

Which is also the dwarven word for genius. And, oddly, 'butter'.

My god. This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on this website.

By the way, I was thinking. Wouldn't it be just bloody hilarious if the King just randomly showed up in the middle of the Rotpacolypse?

I would laugh so goddamn hard if that happened, I've half expected it to.

The game announces he arrives with his court, I want to saw we were near the cap when it happened. Honestly, unless he had over a hundred dwarves in tow, it probably should have happened by now.

Awesome! Some dimwit migrants just arrived, "despite the danger", by a gloom!

edited 10th Oct '12 12:20:38 PM by Rotpar

The king would probably have you executed, and your little prophet too.

Sadly, the capital shall die, and probably soon.

A few things I forgot to mention:

• Wow, there are a ton of bees here. Constantly getting "stung by a bee" spam.
• Remember when I said the crabs went crazy? All of our trained animals went feral.

Time to build a dwarven gladiator pit I guess?

"All your trained animals went feral"? Armokgeddon is upon them, and they're the first (perhaps the only?) ones to know it.

Nah just the trained animals mechanic doing its thing and turning your fort into mad house of psychotic animals.

GOSPEL OF THE GIRL ERUSH TISHISDEGEL

Malachite: 3 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud north a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing.

Malachite: 5 And so within the Chamber of Sacrifice was the Speardwarf Stukos Togalustuth un-injured and of hunger and thirst. A Child Besmar Borekostath did sin and could not be without parents and did die in the Chamber unmissed and unmoruned by the Children of Waterburned. And soon did the duke and wikkit and the Brewmistress die of their sins.

Malachite: 7 A blasphemous bellow came forth as Etur Sefolingiz was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all.

Malachite: 14 It came to the Girl Obok Urrithiteb to celebrate and make great joy and she invited all to join her. The Child Shorast Onambim wept many tears and passed unto adulthood and was thenforth a peasant.

Malachite: 17 Momuz Ikudbesmar became wroth and raged within the Chamber.

Malachite: 23 With great respect and awe did the new mayor, Iden Nakascatten, demands crowns in the glory of Armok, though he knew that his sins must too be purged. The Child Morul Stigilber saw a great Wonder and spake the many praises of Armok and in his fervor claimed a mason's shop and sought many goods.

Galena: 2 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud south a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing.

Galena: 3 And in his wroth did the sinner Stukos strike out against his fellow repentant and was smote down by a flying shield.

Galena: 4 And hence from the mason shop came a great Song and many praises as the great Wonder was being birthed.

Galena: 8 Four days hence and the great quern, the Yawning Dignity◊, appeared amongst the dwarves. It was of gabbro and encircled with a great many bands and upon it in silver was an image of Jailtarnished the Sand of Stigmata the adamantine scepter

Galena: 12 Kivish Lazaban died of his sins. And there were 165 in holy Waterburned.

Galena: 17 From the far regions there came a caravan of humans, to make trade.

Galena: 18 Besserwisser and ultimatepheer died of thier sins.

Galena: 19 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud east a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing. And in the Chamber did Andygal, smote through the Chamber walls with great wroth◊, did die of his sins.

Galena: 23 From the secret depths came a great and terrible Beast◊ but for the blessings of Armok it was trapped for-ever within the deep caverns. And came forth a great and terrible Spiral as the wroth of dwarves became great and many. Many times did Morul Okgeshud become overcame with rage and struck out at all. Tuefel cast away all his clothes and screamed for many hours. And there were 152 in holy Waterburned.

Limestone: 1 And hence came the great and many blessings of Armok even upon the least-people and the olm-man did blowgun the Beast a great many wounds. A great and terrible miracle occurred and Likot Thunensolan was smote from the Chamber and unto the steps of the Tower itself and he was taken to the hospital to heal.

Limestone: 6 The humans departed with pathetic pleas as their goods were cast to the ground and seized. A blasphemous bellow came forth as Tuefel was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all. Fishicles was overcome by a great melancholy and did shortly die of his sins.

Limestone: 8 And the Chosen One spake and a great engraving begin to for-ever record the many great deeds of the Purging of Sin. Noaqiyeum did die of sin.

Upon the floor was found a strange and terrible image of the ghost who had become mayor of the Swordfish of Domains in the year 254.

Limestone: 9 A blasphemous bellow came forth as often-wrathful Morul Okgeshud was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all. In his rage he did smite many dogs and did murder a Child before he was smote. Jimmy T Malice died of his sins. And the Chosen One did quietly ascend the great throne of the lost, heretical king.

Limestone: 17 Rotpar III died of his sins.

Limestone: 21 And the Prophet spake and unto the Children he sayeth "At last, Waterburned is near-cleansed of sin, let the great sacrifices stop and let the sinners find redemption in death". And he did proclaim a great and terrible punishment on the sinners crippled in the hospital and decreed that none shall drink or eat so long as they are filthy. Blueeyedrat wept many tears as he laid immobile to heal from a broken finger. Fath Alerib was struck down with a great madness and did cast off his clothes and run naked through the halls. And there were 111 in Waterburned, 73 blessed Children.

27th: Zaneg Nobzulban, the new mayor, did beg for many bolts from within the Chamber. And a horror came upon the Child Ineth Asmelshed who was possessed by the ghostly gem cutter Lor Etesral.

Sandstone: 2 It came to pass that the heretical Child Zasit Bidoklogem had arisen from the dead and haunted Waterburned. Minot the Bird Slayer became wroth and threw many things.

Sandstone: 7 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud north-east a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing.

Sandstone: 10 A blasphemous bellow came forth as Onul Oddomtangak was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all within the Chamber. A hush came over Waterburned as heretics from the outside arrived and they were welcomed with judging eyes to weigh their sins. It came to pass that the clothier Degel Rubalsibrek had arisen from the dead and haunted Waterburned. Moldath Oshururist was a great and terrible sinner and had brought with him an ale keg from which to sip within the Chamber.

Sandstone: 12 The haunting Rith Godenastel did spirit away pig tail pants.

Sandstone: 14 It came to pass that Dastot Betanast had arisen from the dead and haunted Waterburned.

Sandstone: 20 A blasphemous bellow came forth as Etur Orrunoslan was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all within the Chamber. He did disembowel a baby with a terrible pick and cast it against the wall unto its death.

Sandstone: 21 The macedwarf Obok Uraval lost faith and was a-disappeared from holy Waterburned unmissed and unloved.

Sandstone: 27 It came to the Children Doren Ustuthzithis and Dumed Nimarbomrek to celebrate and make great joy and they invited all to join them. Deduk Estostoslan was struck down with a great madness and did cast off his clothes and run naked through the halls.

edited 14th Oct '12 10:27:11 AM by Rotpar

All the good parties end with someone going insane and running about starkers, really.

THE GOSPEL OF THE BOY MINKOT UNALUNIB, SLAYER OF BIRDS

Sandstone: 28 The Child Olin Olonamem spake blasphemies against the Chosen One and his works. Zon Emenendok saw a great Wonder and spake the many praises of Armok and in his frevor claimed a bowyer's shop and sought many goods.

Timber: 5 Olin Olonamem was struck down with a great madness, such was the wage of blasphemy.

Timber: 8 And hence from the bowyer shop came a great Song and many praises as the great Wonder was being birthed.

Timber: 9 Tuefel swooned upon the floor and fell dead to the stones. The heretic Count Dorku shed many tears for the friend he believed fallen. But Rotpar IV knew that Tuefel was cunning in his heresy.

Timber: 12 Four days hence and the great bow, SpurnedPrince◊, encrusted with moonstones and encircled with bands of goat leather and kunzite, menacing with spikes of clear glass.

Timber: 16 A hush came over Waterburned as a caravan of unbelievers came seeking trade.

Timber: 21 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud east a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing.

Moonstone: 1 Winter was upon the dwarves and within Waterburned were 99.

Moonstone: 13 The Child Kogsak Desisdumant wept many tears and passed unto adulthood and was thenforth a peasant and accursed.

Opal: 5 A horror fell upon Waterburned as Zulban Tholmorul was possessed by the ghost Lor Etesral.

Opal: 10 The Chosen One spake and made great joy, the Chamber had performed its holy work and all within were cleansed of sin until death◊.

Opal: 11 Olin Olonamem died of his sins.

Opal: 14 Armok did sent his Cloud in wroth and another Cloud in loving mercy and did take the blood of three sinners until death.

Opal: 19 The haunting Rith Godenastel did spirit away rope reed dress.

Opal: 26 Etur Orrunoslan in a wroth smites down the Child Zulban Nosingushat. The Chosen One did annoit the head of Edwards Grizzly and declared him to be the High Surgeon of Waterburned.

Obsidian: 5 The Child Kubuk Ushulsazir saw a great Wonder and spake the many praises of Armok and in his frevor claimed a craftdwarf's shop and sought many goods.

Obsidian: 9 And hence from the craftdwarf shop came a great Song and many praises as the great Wonder was being birthed.

Obsidian: 14 And five days hence came the great pick, the Confusion of Famine◊, made of draltha bone and encrusted with cabochons and purple spinels and draltha bone and rope reed fiber. It menaced with spikes of orthoclase and hanging rings of llama wool.

Granite: 1 And within Waterburned were 90.

Granite◊: 23 A great cheer for the birth of the blessed Daughter of the cripple Asmel Rakustibel, all the Children of the dwarves are blessed in the eyes of Armok.

Slate: 7 The Chosen One spake of many good things and there was much rejoicing. He had laid forth a great plan for the sinners remaining uncleanses. He gave order to Blueeyedrat to take forth a squad of armsdwarves and stationed them in the freezing winter winds upon the ice sea. They were a-pleased to be from the fortress and of use to Waterburned. Then a miracle came and the ice melted and all were a-drowned. A horror fell upon Waterburned as Stodir Ritholatir was possessed by the ghost Lor Etesral. And within Waterburned were 83, of them 69 blessed Children.

Slate: 15 Armok did sent his Cloud in wroth and did take the blood of three sinners until death.

Slate: 23 The haunting Rith Godenastel did spirit away a silk hood.

Felsite: 1 A great cry came upon Waterburned as 10 sinners arrived seeking refuge. A horror befell Waterburned as the wraith Etur Orrunoslan tore apart Erith Satnish in unholy fury.

Felsite: 17 Aban Thikutrurast saw a great Wonder and spake the many praises of Armok and in his frevor claimed a craftdwarf's shop and sought many goods.

Felsite: 19 And again came the children of the forest with goods to barter. And the Chosen One did send the sinners to the other sea to drown as the first did.

Felsite: 26 The sinners fell into the sea and were a-washed into the holy ACRONUM and the waters of Armok did contain them within.

Hematite: 2 The Daughter of the cripple died as the wage of her mother's sins.

Hematite: 11 The children of the forest left swearing bloody vengeance as their goods were once again cast down by the dwarves and whence they were a-offered a fine birch bin of crafts.

Malachite: 1 A horror befell Waterburned as the Child Datan Kikrostdakost was frightened to death by the wraith Vabok Stinkikrost.

Malachite: 8 The sinners in the holy ACRONUM were a-thirsty for a lack of water and the seas rolled into them in spite.

Malachite: 9 A horror befell Waterburned as the spectre Bomrek Ushatavuz howled throughout the stones and all heard his terrible voice and trembled.

Malachite: 12 A blasphemous bellow came forth as Aban Thikururast was a-taken by a great rage and would do harm upon all. In his fury were smote a dog and was in turn smote by the dog until death.

Malachite: 14 A great cry came upon Waterburned as more sinners arrived seeking refuge. In a wroth did Armok sent his Cloud right a-side them but they did miss the Cloud and walked forth into Waterburned. A horror fell upon Waterburned as Nish Talulmeng was possessed by the ghost Lor Etesral.

Malachite: 17 And Armok sent his terrible Cloud south a-past holy Waterburned to test the faith of the dwarves and found them most pleasing.

Malachite: 22 Adannor died of his sins.

edited 14th Oct '12 11:16:45 PM by Rotpar

Digging around in Legends mode for my first turn save.

Found our king: Bembul Atortirist, 202-present (257), he's a becoming a damned necromancer. Which is good, we needed change after the werecivet and weresloth who held the throne before.

Just think, he's off on a search for the Necronomicon and may have brought it back to me.

edited 15th Oct '12 8:51:03 AM by Rotpar

Bembul Arthritist?

Quiet dead guy! You're dead, it's the last line above your post. Meanwhile, I live for-ever.

TRANSMIT - initiate the Eges sequence - RECEIVE - initiate the Murder the Easy Way harmony - IT ALL RETURNS TO NOTHING - seal the doors - WITNESS - The Fall of Waterburned.

Do you see him? Sitting on a throne having a meal? He gloats in his victory. We are Etur Orrunoslan behind him. How surprised he looks at the end, Yet who would have thought the child to have had so much blood in him. Pawn takes bishop. The Chosen One is down sweetling. Be not afraid. Be terrified.

Do you see him? The dwarf in common clothes with a regal bearing and a burdened expression? It's not who you think it is, we promise sweetling. But his journeys taught him much and he came too late to stop what has happened, what will happen. What is time to us? We stand outside. All things have happened. All things are happening.

He gathers his sinners, heretics, and infidels. Each takes a pick and each finds their appointed place. They strike the earth. See the sparks.

The children are delighted at first. They splash and cheer, how quick they are to forget their friend and messiah. But then the waters are knee deep and they become afraid. Find an adult. They're all outside in a mass grave of fine craftsdwarfship. The stairs are a waterfall, the heretics pierce the aquifer at its closest point to the surface. She can't hold it back anymore sweetling. Waterburned is weeping◊.

The first children fall down holes left to flood the isolated reaches, kinder and crueler to leave now.

The final Forgotten One arrives, then the second final, and then the third final. But which one remains? Did the other two ever exist? Don't ask us, we won't tell the horrible truth◊.

The Gloom comes along with a humans. Coincidence? The theives aren't, they know their time is now. Wave farewell to Monangangrir and Etesothbem, they go to a better place. We take the pants again, don't ask why so we won't have to lie.

Lungs fill with water, Waterburned fills with water. We have a flash of inspiration and enter Kogan Ostukmeng so that he may share before it's too late. We goofed sweetling, his broken legs keep him in bed, we scream in his skull for release and we scream in his voice. See Ineth Solotan. He rages and then grows quiet. He's dead without the luxury of death. The waters will help him soon. We pass through Unib Rakustshar and he screams and throws things.

Oh no. Why are they here? Why did they come now? See the newcomers and know they made a terrible mistake. Why would they ever try to walk through the Gloom◊? Kogan is gone and left only a screaming murderous husk.

He's here. We're here. Welcome to the other side Chosen One. Break on through. We rage again, we can't help it, farewell Edwards, so clever to avoid so much for so long.

The rodents come and they're armed. See the kobolds on the march. See the dwarves arrive with goods and soldiers. This promises to be fun. Lalturkir, Stinlimur, and Odok leave on the backs of thieves, Waterburned isn't dead yet and she is looted.

The cold winds howl. A dozen remain. Starved and thirsty, so much water everywhere yet none to drink. One gives up and opens the door◊. Tears flow. Children drown. It's almost over sweetling. Seven remain. They starve in the food stockpile. Rith Mosusbal goes mad with hunger and a dog eats his brain. Kivish Rakustdeg is here. We're here. Welcome. The Bird Slayer stops breathing. Erush Tishisdegel is the last child beneath the waves. We are seventeen, we watch the one as she dies.

Wake up sweetling. Your time is now. Tuefel waits for you, how clever he is to have hidden elsewhere even from you. We'll show you to some food and drink. Maybe some socks and a cloak. It's now or never. Farewell. We'll stay here until you get back.

Never come back◊.

EPILOGUE

It's been three months since we left the fortress on this adventure. After a long, tough trip through the unsettled wilderness we have reached our destination and shall build a new fortress for the glory of dwarfkind and the Glass of Mountains. There are seven of us. The miners fishsicles, Tuefel Hunden IV, and myself Count Dorku. We have two farmers, Edwards Grizzly and Spooky Mask. Ultimatepheer is our woodcutter by virtue of being the axedwarf, we haven't explained that to him yet. We also have a "philosopher", "historian", and "librarian", which is to say a damned soapmaker by the name of Rotpar. We'll make him do something useful for a change.

It turns out this area wasn't entirely uninhabited in the past. A number of crumbling ruins have been sighted, most likely the remnants of an ancient human fortress. There have been no sightings of any hostile wildlife, beastmen, or undead. Most likely these humans fell to in-fighting or possibly disease.

We decided to settle near the site. Unlike humans, we dig underground, while there is the risk of something squatting in the ruined fortress, they'll never suspect that a thriving dwarven settlement is below.

It seems the humans were smarter than we though. They have an elaborate network of overgrown, crumbling tunnels beneath their fortress. A fortress made of stone no less. This clan of humans must have had close ties to the dwarves to emulate us in this fashion.

It's not a human settlement. It's an ancient dwarf fortress! But there have been no recorded attempts to settle this region for centuries.

Stairs! We found stairs!

THIS WAS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, WATERBURNED

edited 15th Oct '12 10:18:23 AM by Rotpar