Children's Letters To Santa

Here we go again.

You all know the rules: I'll write a typical letter to Santa Claus. The next poster has to write Santa's response, and the next kid's letter. And so on and so forth.

Are you ready? Let's begin.

Dear Santa; For Christmas this year, I want a crossbow and a puppy. Sincerely, Bobby

edited 21st Dec '11 4:12:13 PM by RedneckRocker

To kid,

I killed the puppy with the cross bow, and I broke the crossbow.

Santa

dear satna

i want a bazoka for xmas

jacob

edited 21st Dec '11 4:17:53 PM by PancticeSquadeCutterback

Jacob;

Unless you're younger than 4, you're getting a spellchecker.

Santa

• Dear Santa;
• I wanna decide who lives and who dies.
• Sincerely,
• Crow T. Robot

Crow,

That's MY job, punk.

P.S.:Welcome to my Naughty List.

-Santa

Dear Santa,

I want to know why you act like such a douche when you write your replies.

-Little Duff

Dear Little Duff,

That's because Santa takes a ton of cocaine on vacation days.

From,

Santa, the Winner

Dear Mister Santa Claws,

Seriously, some cat repellent over here? I swear, that cat almost ate me yesterday!

From,

The Coffee Dormouse, Pierce

Dear Pierce,

I have heard throwing giant rocks at cats helps in deterring them. I will drop three hundred giant rocks to you immediately from my sleigh over your house. Hope they help!

Sincerely,
Santa Claws

Dear Santa,

So you're like a magician right? Can you grant me super powers? I really want super powers. Give me super powers!

From,
Somebody without super powers who really wants them

edited 21st Dec '11 6:42:34 PM by WertyYertrew

Dear Nobody

You wished you had cool powers like mine!

Ha!

from Super Santa the Invincible.

Dear Santa

can you bring world peace?

from a innocent youth.

Dead Child,

I can. If everyone's dead, there will be no war, right? I'll give guns and ammo to everyone on the planet now. Thanks for the idea!

Love,

Santa Claus~

Dear Santa,

Hey, Pierce the retarded Dormouse is running away from me lately, can you get me something that can hold him in place, so I... um... win "Water Gun" fights more easily?

From,

Cheshire

Dear Child,

I can't bring world peace.

I'm a fat guy who hands out TOYS.

Sincerely Santa

edited 21st Dec '11 7:07:06 PM by Roboyoshi18

SENDING REQUEST TO: EXECUTABLE PROGRAM "SANTA.EXE"

REQUESTED ITEM: "PROGRAMMING EXPERIENCE"
TO BE EXECUTED: 12/25
LOCATION TO BE SENT: "MY_BRAIN.EXE"

SCRIPT GENERATED BY
"WERTY_YERTREW.EXE"

edited 21st Dec '11 7:18:35 PM by WertyYertrew

Dear Werty,

I don't bother with all that newfangled computer stuff! Write that shit in a language!

Sincerely,

Santa

Dear Santa,

I want to feel the love of Christmas all year long!

Sincerely,

Rittz

edited 22nd Dec '11 9:15:16 PM by GameSpazzer

Dear Rittz,

I waited a year to respond to your letter. I hope the suspense has been enough to keep you in the christmas spirit.

Sincerely,
Santa

P.S. You're going down this year, you little punk!

Yo Santaman,

I hear tell you ain't real. 'Sup with them crazy rumors, yo? I still believe in you, aight? Aight.

Sincerely,
Bob McBobby

edited 6th Dec '12 9:33:18 AM by Everzwijn

Dear Bobby.

You stupid little fuck wad, shut up, Learn proper english and grammar. I'm real. And I fucking hate you.

Santa.

SANTA!

I WANT TO BE GOD THIS CHRISTMAS!

Sincearly. MCEVILTON!

Dear MCEVILTON,

I'M CURIOUS, DID YOU LEAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON YOUR PENCIL ON WHILE YOU WROTE THAT? I DON'T TYPICALLY GIVE OUT DIVINE POWERS. BUT IN YOUR CASE I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION. YOU WILL BECOME THE GOD OF SEPTIC SYSTEMS AND YOUR THRONE WILL BE SUBMERGED IN FECES. OH, AND YOU'LL HAVE TO SIT THERE UNTIL YOUR DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR RUN OUT.

Merry crappy Christmas,

Santa.

P.S.: Or I'll just give you a nice big lump of coal to spite you you little cretin.

Dear Santa,

Hi Santa! For Christmas I just want a small gift: access to the United States' nuclear mainframe. But mostly, I will take the time to enjoy the love of my family on this caring and sharing holiday. And I'll be forcing negotiations with the threat of nuclear war.

Yours truly,

Victor.

Dear Victor,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUGH...

No.

Dear Santa, my Christmas wish is me inside Yoko Ono.

To Whom it may concern,

I don't know your name, but I don't know why a kid would want to be inside someone old enough to be his or her grandma. How about I give you some coal instead just 'cause I can?

With love,

Santa.

P.S.: You're a weird little punk. I hope some old woman doesn't take a liking to you... if you catch my drift. Oh who am I kidding, you probably don't catch my drift.

Dear Santa,

I've been planning this moment for years now. I'm only eleven years old, but I know how the world works. It's a scummy, nasty, and dangerous place where even the strongest of people get torn down in the end. I want you to get me a few guns so I can help... cleanse the area of scum. I'll be waiting.

Travis.

Dear Travis,

I dunno what kinda Shonen/Cyberpunk/Shadow the Hedgehog world you live in, but the rest of the world live in reality. How bout I just get you Call Of Duty so you can annoy people online like a good little brat?

Dear Santa,

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I WANT YOU TO SHOOOOOOOOOOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Love, Danny

edited 6th Dec '12 11:09:27 AM by PhysicalStamina

Dear Danny,

I shall give you a good ol' porno movie for christmas. Ho ho ho!

Love,
Santa

Dear Santa!

You're my favoritest person in the whole wide world! So I baked you a cookie! I hope you like it! I love you!

Love,
Suzy

P.S. Can I have a pony pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaase?

Dear Suzy,

This cookie is shit, and so are you. Did you make this thing with sand? You are a horrible child, and your parents don't want you.

Love,

Santa

P.S.: I don't give presents to bronies. Get a job.

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I would like to shoot someone's eye out.

Sincerely,

Billy

I feel horrible for writing that...

edited 6th Dec '12 2:46:05 PM by GameSpazzer

Dear Billy,

Here's a Call of Duty game. Now piss off, you little degenerate.

Santa.

Dear Santa,

Give me your money.

Roger

Dear Robber Roger,

Sure I'll give you my money- after I put my size 12 boot up your rump, you little thief. I'll give you a free trip to juvenile hall as a bonus gift. Hope you like forced rehabilitation!

With love,

Santa

Dear Santa,

I want you to jump off a cliff. That would make my Christmas.

Mikael

P.S.: I hope you die screaming.

To Mikael.

You are a stupid little cretin, aren't you? I'm MOTHER FUCKING SANTA! I WILL END YOU! YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

From, Santa.

Dear Santa.

I want WORLD DOMINATION, by Eldritch star god this christmas.

From Abduhl Alehazred

Dear Abdul,

I've heard of you! Aah, you're the guy who runs around in the streets naked covered in his own feces and screaming about how aliens are going to take over the world, eh? I don't buy this Necronomicon crap. For your gift, I'll grant you a free pass to Arkham Asylum. How does that sound? Oh wait, you probably can't understand me because you're too busy rubbing feces on your face. Oh well.

Santa

To my dearest comrade Santa Claus,

Hullo my friend, it's been a while. For my Christmas gift I would enjoy partaking in some lovely cigars, some records of Igor Stravinsky, and some caviar. I do hope that is not too much for a fellow such as yourself. Cheerio!

Sincerely,

Sir Reginald

Dear Reginald,

As much as I'd love to, I'm waaay too busy. Maybe some other time, old chap.

With Love

Santa

Dear Santa,

Xbox 360, Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed, Persona 4 Arena, The Avalanches second album.

That is all.

Pierce

edited 7th Dec '12 9:40:48 PM by PhysicalStamina

Dear Pierce,

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to spoil you that much. I'm giving you an XBOX made out of legos. Merry christmas!

Love,
Santa

Dear Santa,

All I want for christmas is for my parents to get back together. Please help them, Santa. I don't like it when they fight.

Love,
Laura