ITT: We are all Pokémon Trainers

???

Alphos: You'll find yourself in the region of Niaps, which is just Spain tilted at a non-Eulcidean angle.

-Jared is here, marveling at the non-Euclidean geometry-

Steve: "There are many unique Pokemon native to this region, including but not limited to: Failphin, the dolphin Pokenmon everyone was all asking for except its base stats are all 1 each..."

-A Failphin flops haplessly in Jared's path-

Jared: " ...Awkward."

Alphos: "Loafus, a bread Pokemon that can only be caught in the new Gamer ball..."

-A Loafus hops around in front of Jared. He scowls. -

Jared: "Dude this blows, Canj't there be like, a cool new porcupine Pokemon or something?"

Steve: "I was just about to get to that! Meet Needlocalypse, a vicious Pokemon that attacks humans on sight!"

-A Needcalypse cones roparing forward, and Jared exits pursued by porcupine-

Altru Tower

Helene: <GET OFF OF HIM!>

-A massive jet of flame washes over Halys. It thoroughly singes them, but they don't seem hurt, only surprised. It's enough for Renegade to kick Halys away, though, and stumble back, taking aim with their wrist cannon. Once again, their Obscura blocks it.-

Kai: Everyone, keep Halys occupied! Cyrus, grab the ball again!

Kalter!Rogue: What?!

Cyrus: Wait, really?

-Halys gives Kai an emotionless glance, before turning toward Cyrus again. Spectrum smacks them with a Dragon Tail to keep them at bay.-

Kai: They've got something possessing them! They called it the Necromancer, and I think it got translated into some sort of Pokemon? It's hard to tell, it's so alien, but it's in control now, not Halys!

Kalter!Rogue: And?!

-Rogue recalls Andromeda, and sends out their Vikavolt, Shockwave.

Rogue: Shockwave, make sure Halys doesn't go anywhere!

Shockwave: <On it!>

-Shockwave's mandibles gleam with electricity, and they release a Thunder Wave at Halys.-

Kai: I think— whatever's possessing them, we might be able to catch it and contain it!

Cyrus: Ah! Yeah, that makes sense!

-Cyrus quickly snatches up the antique Poke Ball. Halys's eyes are immediately trained on it-

Cyrus: Hahah, look, you're looking at it just like a puppy! You want the ball, pup?

-They take aim, and throw it at Halys.-

Cyrus: Fetch!

-Halys makes a motion to react, but Spectrum and Shockwave each grab onto one of their arms, leaving them a wide open target for the ball to hit.-

-And it bounces unceremoniously off their shoulder.-

Cyrus: Fuck, should have hit the head.

Renegade: No, dipshit, it just didn't work! You already tried to use that ball for something else!

Cyrus: They're not reusable? That blows.

Kalter!Rogue: .........

-Before anyone can argue any further, a pair of Obscura spires rise up from the ground and impale Spectrum and Shockwave, earning a pair of agonized screeches. And as soon as their grip releases, Halys lunges for Cyrus.-

An Old Bar, Nowhere In Particular

Tam Lin: Hey, it's lively here!

Hans: Hey, TL! Catch!

-The Fae-Touched catches a cold beer bottle, lazily underhanded in his direction.-

Hans: Grab your seat, we're just waiting for the TV to get wheeled in.

-Tam Lin and his wife head towards an unoccupied booth on the far side of the room. They nod to Hansel and Gretel (both eyeing the witch sitting at the bar), pass by a young woman wearing a pair of red dancing shoes (who is also wearing one of those curse reversal talismans that Hans was wearing, and looks quite relaxed), and a group of young teenagers being chaperoned by an elderly man (they're busy watching a dancing fairy, made of fire. One girl, who looks as if all of her hair has been singed at the tips, is bundled as if walking through a blizzard, despite the completely temperate atmosphere of the bar).-

Hans: Hey, Hans-hog! You see Coyote?

-A tall man with unreasonably spiky hair shrugs as he drops the last bottle he was carrying into the "emergency booze cooler".-

'''Hans-My-Hedgehog": Ain't seen him so far. Almost time to kick things off, too.

Hans: Damn, where is he?

-A cold draft whips in as the door opens again. An unseasonably cold draft, at that.-

Hans: Hm- Oh! Your Majesty!

-A woman, pale in all aspects, glides into the room, her coat trailing behind her.-

Snow Queen: I am here by invitation?

-Hans notes the girl at the table with the Fire-Fairy is now curled into the corner of the booth, staring wide-eyed at the Snow Queen.-

Hans: Yes, welcome, Your Majesty. Now, this being a gathering of mixed company...

-The Snow Queen follows Hans' eyes until she realizes who the girl staring at her is.-

Snow Queen: ... Right. My apologies. I had not even considered her presence.

-The cold emanating from her begins to cease as the room becomes temperate again.-

Snow Queen: I will take my seat away from her. I did not mean to cause distress.

-Hans bows slightly.-

Hans: Thank you, Your Majesty. The Andersen tales have it bad enough.

Snow Queen: Oh, but before I forget...

-She points at the back wall of the bar, where every eye seated can see. A flash of white, and frost crawls over the wall until a perfectly flat sheet of glass-like ice covers the entirety of it.-

Snow Queen: Coyote stated that this would be the perfect way of visualizing today's festivities, and I quite agree. I will now take my seat - all I will need is a glass of white wine.

Hans: Of course. It will be delivered presently.

-Hans gives the hand signal to the barkeep, and he rolls his eyes before going to dig for something other than beer.-

Coyote: It appears that all are in attendance today! A marvelous crowd if there ever was one!

-The lights dim as a shadow with teal and red luminescent highlights stalked across the ceiling.-

Coyote: Let it never be said that one cannot enjoy a story that hasn't yet been written! Welcome, one and all, to the finale, of the Walking Mountain!

-There's light-to-enthusiastic applause all around. The younger tales (and tales of the younger) are especially enthused.-

Coyote: Last we left off, we had not one, but two parties on the warpath - one, the enraged and maddened daughter of the evil empress, fighting her way out of the confines of her mother's gilded cage with... aid from an unidentified party. I mean, I certainly don't know who could possibly have gotten a Griseous Orb into a dimensional pocket...

-Hans throws a bottle that Coyote deftly twists around.-

Coyote: And the other - the desert wanderer. Our very own modern prince of the desert, beholden to no one save the love of his life, as the burning anger at the world itself sends him marching up the mountain to meet his treacherous mother-in-law in combat, this time being aided by his team, and the Blade of Mountain's Choleric, forged from the ugly past of Mt. Battle. Who here is ready to see this story brought to a close, and these people freed from the unstuck time that they're imprisoned within?

-The crowd cheers. The Big Bad Wolf in the back howls.-

Coyote: Excellent. Then without further ado... let us begin!

-He taps a claw on the sheet of ice, and a bright flicker courses through it. It cuts to an orange, violet, black and indigo test screen for a moment before...-

The Walking Mountain, Administrative Stratum

(Hehe. Administratum.}

(Oh, shut up, Rumpel!}

-The door bursts open as a Tyranitar quickly scans the room. It quickly becomes obvious that none of the Magnemite office workers are going to contest the giant mountain-eater.-

Ajax: <Stay down.>

-None of the Magnemite can muster up an argument to the contrary, so down they stay.-

-Well, except one...-

Magnemite Middle Manager: <YOU! SAVE ME! SAVE ME AND YOU GET A PROMOTION!>

-No one honestly believed that.-

Rill: <Save yourself by telling us where to go, you idiot.>

Magnemite Middle Manager: <Never! I am an Empress's Magnemite!

Ajax: <Then we go left.>

Magnemite Middle Manager: <Hehehe...>

Rill: ... <How about right?>

Magnemite Middle Manager: <No no no, don't go that way!>

-Rill and Ajax glance at each other. Is he? Could he? Do they promote people that could be this stupid?-

-It takes but a moment for them both to nod and go right, the rest of the team following immediately behind.-

Ajax: <Forward!>

Magnemite Middle Manager: <Yes!>

Rill: <Left?>

Magnemite Middle Manager: <No!>

-They go left.-

Magnemite Middle Manager: (I can't believe it! They're seeing right through my flawless poker face!)

(Are all Magnemite like that?}

{No, it's a middle manager thing.}

Edited by DuneTheWanderer on Apr 1st 2022 at 4:33:57 AM

Altru Tower

-Cyrus embeds their wristblade in Halys's side a second time, and Halys gasps in pain.-

Cyrus: Wow, same trick twice. Shame on you.

-Halys glares, and another spire shoots out to stab Cyrus, but they slip away again and sink into the shadows.-

Kalter!Rogue: Any new plans, Kai? Or are you going to use force like this actually calls for?!

Kai: ...I don't want to hurt Halys, if I can help it—

Kalter!Rogue: It's too late for that!

-They dig out another Poke Ball, releasing it. A cascade of silver-blue flames erupts, and Kai's eyes widen as they see Nyx and her ashen plumage.-

Renegade: What the hell...?

Kai: ...Nix? What happened to you...?

Nyx: <...So much has happened. You wouldn't understand.>

Kalter!Rogue: Nyx, we're not holding back anymore! We need to destroy Halys!

-Kai almost chokes a bit hearing Rogue say those words in her voice.-

Nyx: <...If that's what it takes to stop them from hurting anyone else, then so be it.>

-Embers glow beneath Nyx's feathers, and Halys's eyes go wide just before a column of silver flame erupts beneath them. Noxious-looking smoke billows out of the flames, tinted red from the light.-

-A pulse of energy blows the flames away, and though the cloak is tattered and smoldering, Halys themself is intact, in the moments before a protective "shell" of Obscura reforms over their visible skin, recreating the visage of Eclipse.-

Renegade: Is this freak just getting more powerful?

Kai: They're... feeding, on the Aura around us, I think.

Cyrus: I'm so sick of vampires.

Kalter!Rogue: ...

-Helene pinpoints the static from Shockwave's Thunder Wave, and electrical fractals of Spectral energy dance around Halys — Eclipse — and dig in, fracturing the Obscura protecting them with Hex. Shockwave buzzes, and lightning crackles in the smoke cloud billowing from Eclipse's cloak, and strikes down on them, shattering the shell. Spectrum and Nyx gather energy, and one after another, they slam into Eclipse, each impact exploding with their own emblematic colors of flame.-

-Eclipse staggers from the onslaught of attacks, before releasing a pulse of energy all around them to blow all the Pokemon back. With one briefly-exposed eye, their focus locks in on Helene, and the static sparks surging through their body all coalesce into their hand. Electrically-charged Obscura crackles from their hand and shoots toward Helene, engulfing her in energy and agony.-

Helene: <Hrk— gah, I don't... think I can handle much more...>

-Darkness swirls around Eclipse's body as the sparks disappear.-

Helene: <But I can... at least take you down a peg.>

-Helene's blue flames flicker, and the light from them fades.-

-And then a torrent of darkness erupts from Helene's unconscious form, washing over Eclipse, who staggers and falls to one knee, breathing heavily. The ambient red glow dulls a bit.-

Eclipse: Hrk—

Edited by BittersweetNSour on Apr 1st 2022 at 5:29:08 AM

Altru Tower

Nyx: <Now's our chance! Don't let up!>

-Nyx blasts Eclipse with more silver fire, and they cry out in agony.-

Kai: N-no, stop you're going to kill—

Nyx: <We have to! They won't stop otherwise!>

Kalter!Rogue: They won't, unless we take away their personal Aura Nexus here.

-Rogue picks up the Poke Ball Cyrus dropped, taps it against the Shadow Crystal again, and the tower rumbles as it's absorbed.-

Eclipse: N O !

-Eclipse gets up and attempts to dart for Rogue, but Nyx blocks their path.-

Nyx: <You will not hurt her!>

Eclipse: O U T O F T H E W A Y

-Eclipse presses a hand against Nyx's chest, and a pulse of darkness radiates from it. Nyx's eyes widen, and a confused look washes over her face as the embers in her plumage fade.-

Nyx: <What was— why can't I— >

-Eclipse shoves past Nyx, racing toward Rogue, and stumbles to the ground next to Rogue as the Shadow Crystal disappears into the ball. The shell of protective Obscura dissolves into mist, revealing their face again.-

-There's a moment of tense silence. Kai hobbles over, finally beginning to regain feeling in their leg.-

Kai: ...Halys...? Are you still there...?

Halys: ...the Necromancer is... weak enough for me to f-fight, now. I'm k-keeping it at bay. Thank—

-The ball shakes once.-

Kalter!Rogue: Wait, Kai, get back—!

-and it bursts open, releasing the Shadow Crystal and bathing the tower in red light again.-

Halys: d i e.

-Halys's hands crackle with volatile Obscura, and they reach out for Kai. In a rush of energy, Rogue pushes Kai out of the way taking the attack themself — Halys grabs them by the side of their waist, surges Obscura through an old wound, and Rogue screams.-

Kai: KALTER!

-Rogue collapses to the ground, writhing in pain. Halys stands back up, reforming the Eclipse mask again.-

Eclipse: Y o u f a i l e d.

Cyrus...?: Uh oh. Vesh, I think we might be a bit late to the party.

-The group turns toward the source of the voice — a significantly less injured, less exhausted, and most importantly, second Cyrus, accompanied by Vesha. The former is carrying a bag emitting faint glowing lights.-

Vesha: The fight's not over yet, is it? We've still got time.

-The newcomer Cyrus shrugs, and grins and waves to the crowd.-

Cyrus Javed, Syzhin Edition: Hey, Kai! Everything's going to be okay! I'm here to save the day!

Cyrus Javed, Blades in the Dark Edition: Oh, I have never been more thankful to see my own face.

Kanto Route 8, past

Ann: -Grabs the wall-

Dr. Nakamura's Apartment, today

-Playing a game of [Sorry]-

This seems like we're playing with fire a little, doing a board game at a time like this.

Chiyo: -Moving her piece- It's April Fools, even if something does happen, if it's horrible it'll just snap back to normal tomorrow.

Dr. Nakamura: -Looking at the board- You know, the way the pieces are arranged kinda reminds me of a sigil-

-The board flashes, and everyone is enveloped in light-

Altru Tower

-Eclipse wastes no time rushing for the newcomers.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Wa-hey! Vesha, catch!

-Syzhin!Cyrus tosses the bag to Vesha just as Eclipse catches up to them, and draws a pair of jade-decorated scimitars. Eclipse attempts to turn to divert their path towards Vesha, but Syzhin!Cyrus snags their cloak by digging their sword into the ground.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Ah-ah-ah, I'd like your undivided attention, please~

-They punctuate with a wink, which sparkles with magic.-

-Eclipse narrows their eyes, an expression reflected in the contour of their manifested mask. They drop their cloak to prevent another snag, and unleash a series of Obscura blasts towards their dueling partner. Vesha hurries over to Kai.-

Vesha: Hey, Kai, sorry we're late. Here, you're gonna want one of these while Swords and Sorcery are distracted with each other.

Kai: ...?????

-Vesha hands the Yellow Gem to them.-

Kai: Uh, thanks, purple stranger? Am I supposed to know you?

-Rogue sits up, breathing heavily, and responds with a shaky voice.-

Kalter!Rogue: Th-they know me. I met them a-and told them to get the Tears.

Kai: Oh. Wait, are you another me?

-Syzhin!Cyrus lets out a gasp of pain as an Obscura spire stabs them, but they laugh and dissipate it with a sword swipe before slashing a few times at Eclipse.-

Vesha: Let's talk later. Hey, other Kai, you take the next one!

-They hurry over to Rogue, pulling out the Blue Gem. Rogue takes it hesitantly, and takes Vesha's hand to pull herself to her feet.-

Kalter!Rogue: ...Good work on getting these, Vesha.

Vesha: I do my best. Do you happen to know what to do with these?

Kalter!Rogue: Unfortunately, I only know the stories. Cyrus?

-Syzhin!Cyrus is slammed into a wall by the throat, and coughs up blood.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Kinda busy here, don't distract me!

Kalter!Rogue: Not you, the other one! How were they arranged before you stole them?

Roguelike!Cyrus: I dunno, just sorta floating around it? Hold them up, I guess?

-Vesha pulls out the Red Gem for themself.-

Vesha: Sounds as good as anything to me.

Renegade: New Cyrus, you're gonna get yourself killed fighting them alone!

Syzhin!Cyrus: First off, I resent the implication that I'm not the original—

-They attempt to kick Eclipse away, but vitality drain slows their movements.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: —and second, I've already died once, I can handle this!

-Eclipse seems to falter for a moment.-

Renegade: Fuck that, I'm saving your ass.

-Renegade takes aim with their wrist cannon.-

Vesha: No, don't—!

-And fires.-

-Eclipse's chest turns to stone, the Compelled Duel breaks, and Eclipse drops Syzhin!Cyrus.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Gah, dammit!

-Eclipse's body glows white,◊ the stone encasing their chest cracks and crumbles away, and like a speeding comet, they snatch the Red Gem away from Vesha in the blink of an eye and hold it aloft.-

Eclipse: N o m o r e.

-The gem is engulfed in Obscuric sparks, and shatters.-

Edited by BittersweetNSour on Apr 1st 2022 at 6:11:32 AM

Hamlet, against the Swarm

Kamui grimaced at the countless stings along her body, swatting away the pain with tails coated in flame. Looking up at the scattering swarm the flames turned to light, a Confuse Ray, thrown into the midst of the storm.

Only to detonate into the fire it once was.

Kanto Route 8 Sportsball

He felt the stares, standing up to address the crowd. "Never mind that, everyone! Just carry on with your games!"

If they even could, now that Julius had Odor Sleuthed it out, Bulked Up and was now gunning for it like a canid linebacker.

Cafe Sonata, Unova

In one cup, cinnamon on hot chocolate.

In another, black decaf.

In a third, the same drink his mother was served.

Roy sighed. "It's times like these I remember what I stayed for." He took a drink of his coffee and looked out the window.

"What that be, dad?" Koyasa asked, having transformed as well, his stick staff draped across his back like a family blade, his clothes basically traditional Kantonian garb.

"Not the adventures, or the empire. But the legacy and my… comrades…" he trailed off.

Sunny dismissed the notion with a wave of her paw. "Ah, you weren't on the field much anyway. Besides, even if you were, I've seen you lose yourself. It's for the best you've found something more sanctioned and mon-to-mon here."

"Yeah, dad. You're not some commander anymore. You don't need to put yourself through this. Kendall can carry that weight."

"I'm used to it," Roy defended. "It made me feel like I have value, even if I was no combatant."

"But you are, now. There's no wars, no plots, nothing of the sort. Just Leagues."

"'Just', exactly," he countered. "I feel like I've just become part of the team."

"Would it have been better if Kendall or Kamui didn't ask if you wanted in on Galar?" Koyasa spat.

Roy paused, looking down at his drink. "… Thank you."

The real April Fools' Joke is the friends we made along the way.

Edited by AbsentCoder on Apr 1st 2022 at 3:32:24 AM

Altru Tower

-Syzhin!Cyrus staggers to their feet, coughing.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Great going, you've doomed us all instead of just me.

Kalter!Rogue: ...I shouldn't have let my fucking guard down. Nyx!

Nyx: <...I can't... something they did to me, I can't use fire anymore!>

Kalter!Rogue: W-what?!

Roguelike!Cyrus: Okay, seriously, is she talking to her bird like it's responding?

Kai: We've still got two of them, maybe we can still make it work enough to get through to them!

Kalter!Rogue: There's no getting through to them, dammit! Renegade sabotaged the last chance I'm willing to offer!

Vesha: I could try to fix it with a bit of magic, but I need time. And the spell's not in my usual repertoire.

Syzhin!Cyrus: I've got one more spell left in me, I think.

-Syzhin!Cyrus snaps, and Eclipse's attention darts to them.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: C'mere.

-Eclipse tries to maintain their focus on the Gem holders, before hissing in frustration and diving to assault Syzhin!Cyrus again.-

Vesha: They're not gonna last long enough for the full fix, but I can at least get it started if you'll keep me covered for the rest!

Kai: ...Can do. Get it started, and we'll save Cyrus again and keep them occupied.

-Vesha quickly scoops the pieces up, and starts fitting them together while reciting an incantation. Rogue gives Kai a scathing look.-

Kalter!Rogue: ...Still holding onto hope. Goddammit.

Kai: It's all I can do, Kai.

Kalter!Rogue: ............fine.

-Syzhin!Cyrus yelps in pain, an Obscura spire straight through their side.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Yeah, uh, if you're gonna take over for me at all, might wanna do it quickly!

Kai: Spectrum!

-Eclipse raises an Obscuric knife to deliver a final strike to Syzhin!Cyrus, only to be smacked to the side by a Flygon tail.-

Spectrum: <Back in action, baby!>

-Syzhin!Cyrus breathes a sigh of relief as Eclipse lets go of them again and turns toward Vesha, but has their way blocked by Spectrum and Shockwave.-

Shockwave: <If you want to get to them, you're going to have to get through us.>

Spectrum: <And we're not afraid to fight dirty!>

-A swirling vortex of sand encompasses Eclipse.-

Spectrum: <Look, see? This is dirt!>

Eclipse: ..............I W I L L K I L L Y O U F I R S T.

???

-Queueing on what appears to be a giant Mario Party board-

Chiyo: This is kinda weird, what is this place?

-As what appears to be a humanoid Nidorino in a suit gets in front-

No idea, but it feels... far from everything, like detritus cast off to the abyss.

Dr. Nakamura: -Looking ahead- Well, let's try to get on that train and see where it leads us next.

Edited by rmctagg09 on Apr 1st 2022 at 6:36:09 AM

Altru Tower

-As Eclipse starts to exchange blows with the bugs, Kai rushes to Nyx's side.-

Kai: Nix, are you okay? What did they do to you?

Nyx: <I... I don't know. I just don't know, but my fire is gone. I can fight without it, but...>

Kai: ...That sounds like Disable. Maybe an enhanced version of it or something. Here, Avada should know something more about—

-Nyx's eyes widen, and they back away with a distressed squawk. Rogue tenses.-

Nyx: <You— you're still with that creep?!>

Kai: ...what happened in your world...?

Kalter!Rogue: ...He tried to live up to his name and kill us with Hex. The scar I got isn't just some little forehead zigzag, either.

-Rogue's hand goes to the side of their waist, where Eclipse struck earlier. Kai is quiet for a moment, before sighing.-

Kai: ...The version I know wouldn't do that. I can promise you that much. If you'll let him in, I think we can get you back in action.

-Nyx gives Kai an apprehensive look, but acquiesces.-

Nyx: <...Whatever it takes.>

-Kai nods, and sends out Avada. The moment he looks at Nyx and the color of her plumage, his eyes go wide.-

Avada: <Wh— they made you a Shadow?!>

Kai: No, no! No, that's not what this is!

-Nyx backs up.-

Nyx: <I knew I shouldn't have trusted— >

Kai: Nix! Avada! Slow down! Her Aura isn't a Shadow Aura, it's just...

-Kai gives Nyx a sad look.-

Kai: ...You've lost a lot of hope over the years, haven't you?

-Nyx's trembling is apparent even amongst the vibrations the Shadow Crystal is emitting.-

Kalter!Rogue: ...There's a time and place for everything. Right now, we need you to figure this out.

Kai: Yeah. She's lost her ability to summon fire, and I suspect it's Disable.

-Avada narrows his eyes.-

Avada: <...it's more than that. This is deeper memory modification, specifically targeting muscle memory. It sticks around a fair bit longer than the typical Disable.>

Kai: Wow, that was a quick diagnosis. Can you fix it?

Avada: <Of course I can. It's not buried that deep.>

-Avada closes his eyes and places a spoon on Nyx's forehead. She recoils a bit, but after a moment, her feathers start to glow again with embers.-

Nyx: <...thank you.>

Avada: <Mm.>

Kalter!Rogue: ...Nyx, are you good enough to get back to the fight?

-Nyx nods, spreading her wings.-

Kai: Actually, there's something else that I think needs your particular abilities.

Nyx: <Oh?>

-They look back at the bleeding-out body of Syzhin!Cyrus.-

-Also while Eclipse is exchanging blows with the bugs, Renegade and Roguelike!Cyrus hurry over to Vesha's side.-

Roguelike!Cyrus: So... straight-up magic, huh?

Vesha: Does your world not have any?

Roguelike!Cyrus: Oh, no, it totally does. It's just usually some creepy occult stuff.

Vesha: I'm almost offended. Is my magic not creepy occult stuff?

Roguelike!Cyrus: ...I mean it is, but it's different. And it's a whole lot more than I've got.

Vesha: Less than the other Cyrus, I assume.

Roguelike!Cyrus: Yeah, I dunno what they've got going on. For me, though? A vampire tried to take a bite out of me once — not even in the good way — and then after Dia saved my ass, I was able to phase into the shadows like a ghost. And... that's it.

Vesha: Hmm. Maybe you should have gone the full way and let the vampire bite you. That's the other one's backstory, and they seem to be doing well for themself.

Roguelike!Cyrus: They're bleeding out on the floor right now.

-Vesha seals a crack with a spark of magic, and then peers over.-

Vesha: Looks like the Kais are handling that right now, actually.

-Syzhin!Cyrus looks up at the Kais as they arrive to their aid.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Heh. Hey there, Kai. You're looking radiant today.

Kai: ...guess this is the one you met before, huh, Kalter?

Kalter!Rogue: You could say that.

Syzhin!Cyrus: Oh, shit, there's two of you? I must be dreaming.

Kalter!Rogue: Please respectfully shut the fuck up.

Kai: Oh, god, they're not AU me, they're AU Kahlia.

Syzhin!Cyrus: Kahlia...? Pretty name...

Avada: <They're getting delirious, get to the point already.>

Kalter!Rogue: ...........thank you, Avada. Gods, I never want to say that again. Nyx, can you heal them?

Nyx: <Yeah. They're not dead yet. I'm not... I'm not d-dad, but I can do this, at least.>

-Silver flames dance across Syzhin!Cyrus's wounds, and they wince from the cauterizing process. Smoke rises from the flames... and then the smoke thins out, leaving a fine, chilly mist that descends upon them.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: ...Wow. Oh wow I can actually feel the wounds again oh wow that hurts. Ow.

Kai: You're not bleeding out anymore, though, so that's good. Just take some time to rest, okay?

Syzhin!Cyrus: Ow. Sure. Yeah. You've got it, Kai. Just gonna lay here for a while. Knock 'em dead.

Edited by BittersweetNSour on Apr 1st 2022 at 6:56:08 AM

???, who knows

-Dodging between the searing light emanating from what appears to be a gigantic showering Gardevoir-

Really had to go play some board game on April Fools, didn't we?

-Sighs-

It was just asking for trouble.

Chiyo: -Making the barrier she's hiding behind more opaque as she and Dr. Nakamura are caught out in the open- Fuck, it's barely holding. Don't worry Hanako, we'll get through this.

Dr. Nakamara: -Behind Chiyo- I'd hope so, I don't know if we'd come back if we actually died in a place like this.

Altru Tower

-So how about that battle, huh? Let's look at Eclipse and the bugs.-

-Eclipse shoots up a spire from the ground, aiming for Spectrum. The Flygon zips out of the way, and the sand swirling around Eclipse grows burning-hot, searing at their protective Obscura barrier.-

Spectrum: <There we go! An opening for you!>

Shockwave: <Got it!>

-Shockwave's mandibles glow with plasma, which pulses out and wraps around Eclipse with a further momentum-halting net of electricity. They stagger, tearing away at the electrified web on their face.-

Eclipse: P E S T.

-They twist their hand in a gesture toward Shockwave, and a violet orb forms around him. They force the bubble away, leaving them to face off with Spectrum.-

Shockwave: <Gah! Get me out of this!>

Eclipse: W h e r e w e r e w e ?

Spectrum: <Hey! Let him go!>

-Spectrum zips forward, biting Eclipse's outstretched arm and flinging them into the ground with all of her Trapinch-line jaw strength.

-Eclipse lets out an agonized gasp as they impact the ground, and grabs at Spectrum's jaw with their free hand. A few seconds of super-strength struggling pass, before they instead opt to pulse Obscura into Spectrum's face, causing her to sputter and cough, releasing her grip on them.-

Spectrum: <Ow, thuck, you made me bide my thongue.>

-Grumbling, she flares up with rainbow flames, and headbutts Eclipse back into the ground. As she does, though, Eclipse catches her neck in a chokehold, and that kaleidoscope of Aura starts flowing into Eclipse's arms.-

Eclipse: Y o u h a v e q u i t e t h e s o u l, d r a g o n.

Spectrum: <Rrgh... I like to think I'm better known for my heart!>

-Rainbow energy flares around her, and she starts repeatedly slamming Eclipse into the ground with every ounce of draconic rage she can muster.-

-With each impact, Eclipse's focus on the bubble around Shockwave falters, and Shockwave manages to break out of it, crackling with charged electricity.-

Shockwave: <Oh, you are going to pay for that.>

-Spectrum bashes Eclipse a couple more times as Shockwave positions themself for a clear shot. Shockwave's mandibles crackle, before launching a massive bolt of lightning straight at Eclipse.-

-The bolt surges into Eclipse, and they convulse, the layer of protective Obscura shattering and leaving Halys's face exposed. They cough, doing their best to sit up despite their electrically-induced muscle spasms. Spectrum forces them back onto the ground, snarling.-

Spectrum: <Stay down!>

-Halys stares up at Spectrum, eyes and scars glowing red with every heartbeat as they try to catch their breath.-

Edited by BittersweetNSour on Apr 1st 2022 at 7:01:31 AM

Sunyshore

Ever: So, not really my city, but I tend to end up spending a lot of time here. It's close to the League, so it was a short trip to make after I lose the League battle, and I like Electric cities, they remind me of home.

Brie(?): Nothing here to remind me of home.

Ever: Yeah? What's home like for you? Do you need some new words? Eldritch, shifting, twisted...

Brie(?): No, not eldritch. Before today...it was basically nice.

Ever: Ah. Well, you're here for now.

Brie(?): Yeah...I like it, more or less.

Ever: Sure. Well, there's the solar roads, normally not a festering bridge of the wailing carnificinant dead...

Brie(?): Not really a word.

Ever: ...Well, how the fuck do you know that?

Brie(?): I can infer that it is not.

Ever: ...

Brie(?): (helpfully) From context.

Ever: (irritably) That's the lighthouse. It's normally not a rampaging Ampharos.

Brie(?): Hmm.

Altru Tower

Vesha: Oh, good, they're under control. Now I don't have to rush.

Roguelike!Cyrus: Okay, but can you maybe please keep rushing?

Vesha: This sort of magic takes time, Cyrus. Especially for a type of magic I haven't been particularly in practice with.

Roguelike!Cyrus:' Sure, sure.

-Halys makes a sudden attempt to get up again, but Spectrum forces them back down.-

Roguelike!Cyrus: They're not surrendering, though, so maybe we still have a time limit you've gotta worry about? Maybe?

Renegade: Oh, for fuck's sake, hold the damn thing up.

Vesha: Sure, sure. Anything for the person who started this whole mess.

-Vesha holds up the Red Gem, which at this point has had all the pieces put into place, but still visibly fragile. Renegade raises their arm cannon, and fires at the Gem, sealing the stone into one solid piece. Vesha blinks, impressed.-

Vesha: ...Resourceful. Let's hope it still holds its magic like this.

Roguelike!Cyrus: It better!

-Halys's head jerks in the direction of the newly-repaired gem, and in a swirl of darkness, their body sinks into the ground, disappearing.-

Kai: Ah, dammit!

Kalter!Rogue: Fuck, we need to get these gems in place quickly!

-A hand reaches out from the shadows behind Vesha, and pulls them to the ground. Vesha yelps, and quickly puts the Red Gem into their bag, before drawing a scimitar to swat Halys's hand away. The now-visible Halys catches the blade, gritting their teeth as it cuts and draws blood.-

Vesha: Cyrus, Renegade, now would be an excellent time for you two to help!

Roguelike!Cyrus: Uh, this is kinda way out of my league, are you talking about the other Cyrus?

Syzhin!Cyrus: -cough- Really? I just almost got myself killed fighting them alone, and they're out of your league? You've got to be the lamest version of me ever.

Roguelike!Cyrus: I'm a thief! I'm no match for a supervillain!

Kalter!Rogue: Rrgh, you're so useless. At least try to do something!

Kai: Vesha, we can back you up, just hold on!

-Rogue shoots their grapnel gear at Halys, and it wraps around the hand gripping Vesha's sword. They tug, and with a splash of red, they lose their grip on the weapon, allowing Vesha to free it and slash at one of their legs. A weak barrier of Obscura forms to protect them, but they still end up forced to one knee. Halys extends their other hand to fire a pulse of darkness, but it's pulled off course by a second grapnel gear wrapping around it, Roguelike!Cyrus mirroring the other Rogue's action.-

Kalter!Rogue: There we go, now you're pulling your weight!

Roguelike!Cyrus: Yeah, now stop complaining!

-Halys struggles against their restraints, and their body starts radiating smoky Obscura. Their eyes widen, though, as Kai places a palm on their back, absorbing the energy billowing off of them, and causing them to slump and catch their breath.-

Jubilife

Ynos: "!!!"

Ynos is desensitized to his own grievous injuries, not other peoples', so he stops, carefully puts down his groceries, and goes to check if the guy who just got hit is okay.

Surprisingly, he is!

His body is healing itself at a rapid rate, pastel pink aura rolling off of him in waves. He himself just sits up and looks around, confused.

Ynos: "... Huh. It's weird being an outside party to this."

"Are you okaaaaaa-"

He trails off as he makes eye contact with the other guy, suddenly very aware of how similar they look.

Car Accident Guy: (covered in blood) "Oh yeah I'm fine, this isn't the first time this's happened. I have a few questions, but I think I'm gonna get out of this road first if that's okay with you."

Ynos: "Yeah that's fine with me I think"

The car accident guy just... gets up and walks past him. In that time all the drivers involved seem to have collectively shrugged and moved on, so Ynos follows before he can cause a second accident.

Jubilife, Near the Stormchaser

Daydre: "- And that brings us to the history of league typing classifications and their changes over the years as new information became available. Any questions?"

Haostyn's eyes have glazed over.

Daydre pokes him.

Haostyn: "Hwha"

"Am I going to be tested on this I hate tests—"

Daydre: "Oh, no. I just haven't gotten to go on a long-winded spiel in a while. Sorry."

Haostyn: "Oh. That's fine then. I'm, um... Am I really going to have to stay here for a whole day? I've kind of got things to do. A bunch of guys to learn how to fight. I can't be—"

He suddenly drops to his knees, clutching his head.

Daydre: "Uhhh.... Dude, you okay? Someone doing that never precedes anything good"

Haostyn: "I'm— Ugh,"

His eyes glow bright red and he hunches over, putting his hands on the ground. Black and red scales jut out of the bandages on his arms as he tears at the grass.

Daydre puts one hand on her belt and backs away.

Red obscura trails off of him like lightning.

And he

Abruptly turns into a black red and white Deino.

Daydre stares.

The Deino Haostyn just turned into stares back, despite the fact his eyes aren't visible.

Daydre visibly relaxes, taking her hand off her belt.

This staring competition that's not a staring competition continues until Haostyn turns around and runs off.

Daydre: Do I have to follow him? He's gonna go back at the end of the day anyway.

... She hears screaming from the direction he just ran in.

Daydre: Oh... Okay...

Altru Tower

Kai: I don't want to take everything, so we're gonna have to act quickly.

Roguelike!Cyrus: You're holding one of the gems, how are we supposed to get them to the big rock when you're doing that?

Syzhin!Cyrus: I'll handle that. I can walk.

-Syzhin!Cyrus groans as they start walking toward the group, starting toward Kai first.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: You got a plan, rainbows?

Kai: Yeah. Altru Tower was saved the first time by a Pokemon Ranger — someone who uses technology to facilitate temporary emotional resonance between themself and the Pokemon around them.

Kalter!Rogue: ...ah.

-Syzhin!Cyrus takes the Yellow Gem from them.-

Kai: We've got three Hearts of Gold here. But some of the most effective Capture Stylers have been musical instruments. So if Vesha can work their magic with that guitar of theirs, that might be what it takes to finally calm Halys down.

-They glance at Kalter!Rogue.-

Kai: If the other Kai is willing to help, that is.

Vesha: ...Ah, that's my cue, I guess.

-Vesha puts away their sword and pulls out their guitar, and starts picking the beginnings of an acoustic song. Spectrum hovers closer, wings buzzing a quiet drone that harmonizes with it.-

-Kalter hesitates, at first unwilling to speak. But then, as Syzhin!Cyrus passes by to grab the Blue Gem, they finally do, and their voice resonates with a calming, somewhat remorseful feeling.-

Kalter!Rogue: ...Kai Halys. I can... feel you trying to fight, from inside. Time and time again, I've seen people seal away the hearts, souls, and minds of Pokemon, turning them into a weapon. One of my best friends, even, got put through the same turmoil. I... sense the same thing in you. From inside you, something is turning you into a heartless, soulless, mindless monster. And I'm here to fight that.

Kai: But you're still there. We can tell. You're not too far gone, and we know it. No matter how much this... thing is feeding off your soul, you're still able to keep clawing your way to the surface, even if it's just to stop yourself from killing us before it's too late.

Kalter!Rogue: You're... a hero, in your world, aren't you? Fighting for what you believe in. Even if you know you're doomed, you refuse to give in while you still have time.

-Kalter can't help but laugh sadly.-

Kalter!Rogue: ...People give you a chance, even if you seem like a monster. If we're the same at our core, that... gives me hope. That neither of us is too far gone. I was almost blind to that, until the other Kai reminded me that me and Nyx... we still have hearts, despite it all.

-Kai smiles. Even if Halys can't see it from their current position, the emotion it carries is felt.-

Kai: You want to know something really interesting? I don't know if your world has Hearts of Gold, Souls of Silver, Minds of Crystal, or anything like it. But when you came here, our world translated you as a Soul of Silver. A paragon of determination. Stubborn, unyielding, and willing to do whatever it takes to fight for what you believe in. And that kind of determination makes the impossible happen.

-As Cyrus takes the repaired Red Gem from Vesha, the three Tears of Princes start to glow, pulsing in time with Vesha's song. They begin to feel weightless in their grasp, and as Cyrus lets go, they take their places around the Shadow Crystal.-

Kalter!Rogue: We just need you to break through the grip this... "Necromancer" has on you. Because we don't want you to die yet. You've got... a whole world to go back to.

The red glow begins to fade, as the Tears of Princes shine around the Shadow Crystal. Bit by bit, the dark coloration fades from the crystal, until it begins to regain the light that earned it the name "Luminous".-

-And then, as the final note of Vesha's song hangs in the air...-

-There's a split second flash of searing red light as Halys skewers both Rogues with Obscura spires, as well as Kai and themself with a single one.-

-The spires dissolve, and they all fall to the ground.-

Niaps

Alphos: "The Niaps region is regularly menaced by the evil team known as Team Shitpost!"

Owen: -frantically maintaining a computer mainframe- "They're flooding the J-Team servers with too many memes, I can't take it!"

Steve: "Their leader and goals depend on the version! In Scarlet the leader wants to introduce shitposts to earlier in the timeline to change history with the help of a big red rooster legendary!"

Seigbert: "Come, Cockeroarnge, let us show history the true meaning of Bofa!"

Cockeroarnge: -cluck-

Alphos: "And in Violet the leader wants to harness the shitposts of the future with the help of a purple salamander Pokemon!"

Storm: "The power of the future's memeposting emboldens me! We must strike, Purpinewt!"

'Purpinewt: -burbles-

'Steve: "There is only one way to defeat them!"

-Risky walks up and socks them both in the face-

Risky: "Idiots."

Altru Tower

Nyx: <KAI!>

Syzhin!Cyrus: Oh, shit.

Vesha: Uh, medical attention time, quick!

-Nyx and Shockwave rush to Kalter's aid, Syzhin!Cyrus rushes to their Roguelike counterpart, and Spectrum, Avada, and Vesha hurry to Kai and Halys.-

Spectrum: <Kai, are you all right? Speak to me!>

Kai: Rrgh, I'm— I'm fine, I'm fine. They only got me with the point, they took the most damage. You got any healing magic?

Vesha: Yeah, I've got just a bit left. It should be enough to get them back on their feet.

Syzhin!Cyrus: Cyrus, how about you? Talk to me, me.

Roguelike!Cyrus: -laughs, coughing up blood- I've had worse. I'll be fine. Besides, once I'm out of here, I've got nothing waiting for me, right? Just another abandoned story.

Syzhin!Cyrus: ...I'll argue with you about that once you drink this, dumbass.

-They dig out a potion (not Potion) from their bag, and hand it to their counterpart.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: Hey, Nyx, you've got your partner, right? You saved me, you know how to save them.

Nyx: <Kai, you can't die on me, not now! It's not over!>

-A circle of flames surrounds Nyx and Kalter.-

Syzhin!Cyrus: ...I don't speak bird, but I'll take that as a yes! You know what you're doing!

-Vesha quickly strums a few notes, and Halys's wound glows, sealing over. Halys gasps and jolts upright.-

Vesha: Oh, thank goodness, you're awake.

Halys: Ow. Ow.

Kai: Again with the moving-too-quickly-after-a-deadly-wound thing?

Halys: ...you're clearly doing perfectly well.

-Life Dew seeps into Kalter's wound, and their chest begins to rise and fall with shallow breaths, but they don't wake up quite yet. Nyx's embers fade, and she breathes a sigh of relief.-

Ranger 1: ...Is it over?

-The group all glances toward the stairwell, where the two Rangers from the start are looking in.-

Roguelike!Cyrus: ...Yes! Yes, it is over! It's all done!

-Roguelike!Cyrus gets up, arms extended in a flourish, and they limp toward the Rangers.-

Roguelike!Cyrus: It was me! I did it! I was the one who began this incident! 'Twas I who set the crystal ablaze! And these lovely heroes — including the real Rogue, that charming devil — took it upon themselves to save the day!

Ranger 2: ...okay???

Vesha: Wait— where's Renegade?

-The group all starts glancing around. Renegade is nowhere to be seen.-

Kai: ...Fuck, he got away. Ugh. We'll deal with that bastard later.

Ranger 1: ...Right, okay. Uh. Would the rest of you please come with us—

-Nyx's feathers flare, and she gives the Rangers a death glare. They both shrink back.-

Ranger 1: ...On second thought, we'll just take you with us, Rogue who isn't the real one apparently!

Roguelike!Cyrus: Just call me Cyrus. Or Mx. Javed. Just don't call me late for dinner~

-They wink as they stroll out. The Rangers give each other a distressed look, and each grab one of Roguelike!Cyrus's wrists to keep them restrained as they limp out.-

Kai: ...Avada, can you teleport us all back to the Stormchaser? We'll patch up in the medical wing. Best not to stress the hospital staff out when suddenly three of their patients vanish at midnight.

Halys: ...yeah, that's happened before and I'd like to not repeat that.

Avada: <...okay.>

-Blip-

Stormchaser — Medical Wing

-Vesha and Kai start to tend to the rest of the party's wounds.-

Vesha: What a wild day it's been, huh?

Syzhin!Cyrus: Heh, you can say that again. I've been dying to have another crazy fight like that for years.

Kai: ...Halys, how are you holding up?

-Halys sighs, rubbing at their scars.-

Halys: ...I'm... so sorry, for everything. I had no idea the Necromancer could latch on to the crystal.

Kai: Hey, don't worry about it! That's... honestly, out of anyone, that one's probably on me. It's a big hunk of pure Luminite, they're basically crystals formed from an overflow of soul energy. I should have been able to guess it'd make it hungry.

Cyrus: Uh, so, I'm gonna admit to being a teensy bit out of the loop here? I've had no idea what's been going on all day. The crystal was possessing you or something?

Halys: ...The fragment of an eldritch horror in my soul is what was possessing me, because the crystal was feeding it.

Cyrus: Oooooh, you're a warlock! That makes so much sense now. I understand everything.

Halys: ...okay.

Kai: Right, there's other introductions that need doing. Uh, I'm Kai Amarin, the unconscious person is a different Kai Amarin, this here is Kai Halys, and the two of you are... Cyrus Javed, and Veshaaaaa....????

Vesha: Ry'duok. But Vesha's fine.

Kai: Yeah. Also, we're all probably the same person put through different stories?

Vesha: Not to state the obvious, but I look nothing like any of you.

Cyrus: Yeah, no, y'all are pretty, but I'm my own brand of gorgeous.

Halys: ...God, I've never wanted to be compared to someone less.

Cyrus: Ow! Hurtful.

Vesha: So, Kai, are you the Kai that's supposed to be here, or is that one over there the right one?

-They point toward Kalter's unconscious body, as well as Nyx perched wistfully nearby.-

Nyx: <...>

Kai: ...yeah, I'm the one who's supposed to be here. But I think I want to save my conversation with Kalter for once y'all are back home safely.

Vesha: That's fair. I won't pry further.

Cyrus: Don't wanna mess with the bird either.

Nyx: <I hear you talking about me.>

Kai: ...yeah

???, April Fools Lost

-A town where the buildings float upside down under a light rain, their roofs where their main bodies would be and vice-versa-

This wouldn't be my first time traversing a bunch of pocket dimensions, you know?

Chiyo: -Taking a bite of a sandwich given by a Fletchinder, sitting on a bench- Hmm.

Couple years back Feels weird to say it like that, Izaya trapped Channah and I in Ultra Space, took more than a month to get back. Nearly died at the end thanks to that Guzzlord in that post-apocalyptic Hau'oli. But this place, it's much weirder than the Ultra Space worlds. I feel like we're being led in one direction, but to what purpose?

Dr. Nakamura: -Cleaning her glasses while on the same bench, having inexplicably come across some cleaner- Hopefully not a bad one, more something that'll get us out of here. The further we go, the further changed we become I feel.

Altru Park

-Renegade slips out into the woods, constantly glancing around to make sure he hasn't been seen. With a sigh of relief, he takes off his helmet, and sends out Helene to kneel down and start tending to her wounds.-

Helene: <Urgh... better luck next time, Reaver.>

Renegade Reaver: Rrgh, that was a disaster. We really picked the most useless Faller as our fall guy— fall person, whatever, huh?

Helene: <...at least we can claim credit for saving the day?>

-Reaver, who does not understand Monese, punches the ground.-

Reaver: And it's even worse now! Now, they know Rogue was an imposter, and what's more, Kai and Rogue are two separate people now?!

Helene: <You know they've been playing cautious since you fought them. They probably got one of their girlfriends to wear the suit or something.>

Reaver: ...they had a baby Ho-oh. With black feathers. Definitely not the same one as Kai's own. And they're more reckless about flashing her around. If I can at least nab her, I should be able to stay in the Hunter's Guild's good graces.

-He frowns at Helene.-

Reaver: But we can't risk another wild card like Javed. They fucked up the whole mission.

Helene: <Gonna be honest, I'm pinning the blame on, y'know, all the April Fools Fallers. If Eclipse wasn't there, they wouldn't have brought Kai and the others along.>

-Reaver shakes his head, once again having no idea what Helene is saying.-

Reaver: We'll just have to do better next time. And choose better partners in crime.

-Reaver starts to pull off their Renegade outfit, and then wanders back toward the city.

Stormchaser

-Though Kalter remains unconscious, the rest of the group has patched up as much as they can for the time they have remaining, and are just sitting around.-

Cyrus: So, when we get sent back, who's waiting for you across the universe?

Vesha: Well, my bandmates are somewhere, and they probably miss me, but they already knew I was off on adventure leave. The people who are wondering where I disappeared to, though? They're the Last Resort. Lauds, Karma, Nando, Adora, Apollo... the weird cat that just joined, Uorivan, I guess. They're a weird bunch, and I haven't gotten to know them all that well yet, but I'd like to fix that. They have good hearts.

Halys: ...there's more to it that you're not saying.

Vesha: They're all pretty and I want to kiss all of them. You know, as friends.

Halys: There it is.

Cyrus: Heh, I get that.

Kai: Oh boy. Embellished stories incoming.

-Cyrus grins-

Cyrus: I've played for many teams, Kai. The entourage I toured the lands with have earned quite a bit of infamy all across the globe! We were the Masked Miscreants of Mercade! The Ghiruban Revolutionaries! The Saviors of the Solar System!

-Kai snort-laughs.-

Cyrus: Laugh as you may, Mx. Amarin, but I speak nothing but the truth.

Kai: Yeah, yeah, sure. But who are they to you, is the question?

-Cyrus's grin melts into something more gentle and fond.-

Cyrus: Oh, they mean everything to me. We've largely settled down since then, and some have come and gone, but at home in Ghiruban? There's Rosa, my longest and closest friend, and partner in crime. There's my family, and all my other old friends. Alrescha, Barclay, Kalbis, and Emilis all come around sometimes. Lily sometimes, too. Not sure whatever happened to Psyche, but—

Kai: Pardon?

Cyrus: Hmm?

Kai: ...Nah, nevermind, probably unrelated.

Cyrus: Do you know a Psyche?

Kai: Hah, you might say that. She's my ex.

Cyrus: -eyes emoji- Oh, this suddenly got spicy.

Kai: ...Stop looking at me like that. We're just friends now. Honestly, we don't even talk much these days anymore... after she...

-Kai pauses, staring both at Cyrus and off into middle distance behind them.-

Kai: ...she got kicked to another universe. My gosh, you know exactly who she was.

Cyrus: Black hair, bad leg, gets lost easily, really weirdly meta, incredible psychic ability?

Kai: Yep, that's her. Strongest telepath I've ever met. My mind's a steel trap thanks to her being in my head so much while we were dating.

Cyrus: Goddamn. Nice. Good on you, Kai.

Kai: What part of "exes" don't you understand?

Cyrus: Geez, relax.

Kai: ...sorry, anyway. I interrupted you. Go on?

Cyrus: Right!

-A dreamy smile crosses their face.-

Cyrus: There's all of them, and then there's Kyra, my partner, and Compline, her other partner. And my and Kyra's daughter, Aelia.

-Kai and Halys both stare-

Kai: ...I forget sometimes there are people my age who are parents.

Cyrus: -beaming- She's only a year old and I would break the world for her happiness.

Halys: Oh that is a very scary oddly specific thing for someone to say.

Kai: You don't even know. We had another person named Cyrus try to destroy the universe. Twice.

Halys: ...I'm very concerned now.

Niaps

Some concepts in this post borrowed from this post by Meta!

Alphos:' "And for our final showing in this special sneak peek..."

Steve: "You may be wondering what Quality Of Life improvements this gen will bring. Well we're proud to bring you... Quality of life De-improvements!"

Alphos: "First off, no Running Shoes! You walk at a snail's pace everywhere.Or else."

-Cut to Jared walking extremely slowly. He attempts to break into a run only to be tackled by the Needocalypse.-

Steve: "Second. Every route has a weather condition that makes no sense!"

Odin: "WHY IS IT SNOWING IN THE DESERT I AM TRYING TO BE SAND IN PEACE"

Alphos: Third, Protect and Detect have normal accuracy conditions, and half of your opponents will spam them!"

-Cut to Merlin wailing at Fou's protect as that one song from Metal Gear Rising yes you know the one blares loudly-

Steve: "And finally all Pokemon Center nurses are off center!"

-Cut to HG Cross staring at a nurse who is standing at a bizarre angle-

HG Cross: "Ma'am, are you OK? They don't even do this where I'm from."

Nurse: -velociraptor hiss-

HG Cross: -screams-

Sekra Range

Similarly, the rest of Braker's mons were out. Some of them (Cuddles, Jules, Caboose) were looking in awe at the waterfalls; some of them (Serkis, Charon, Lithium) were looking over at Ian's PokeBall in confusion.

<Whoaaa~!> gasped Cuddles.

<Pretty waterfalls...> muttered Jules.

Excitedly, they turned to face Romea.

<Romeaaa~! Are you seeing this?> they asked. <The waterfalls here are really pretty...!>

Romea, naturally, brushed them off.

<Tch. I'm not one for waterfalls,> she said. <You just keep looking at them, you stupid snake; I'm more concerned with why the heck Ian is looking like a complete idiot with that Poke Ball.>

And then it hit her.

<Hold on; is that thing on fire?!> she cried.

And the second he heard the word "fire", Scramble looked around in a panic.

<F-fire?!> he gasped. <T-there's a fire here?! Hang on... I'll put it out...>

<S-Scramble!> cried Cuddles, jumping down from Braker's shoulder. <W-wait!>

<...what is it...?> asked Scramble miserably.

<T-that's Mothra's PokeBall!> Cuddles cried. <She's going to evolve!>

<She is...?> asked Scramble.

<She is?!> Snoop asked.

<I do believe I've heard of this before,> said Charon. <Larvesta evolve in fire cocoons. If anything, she should not be disturbed. It might stop the evolution process.>

<Oh...> muttered Scramble. <I'm sorry... so much for me trying to help...>

Turffield Stadium Entrance Room

<Same here,> said Amity.

"Oh, that's right!" said Ingrid suddenly breaking in. "Now that your battle against Milo is over, I can tell you about... um... how Amity... well... you know."

She glanced down.

"A-assuming you'd like to know, of course," she said.

Wyndon Stadium (vs. Kendall)

Everything past "and the audience screamed" was spagposted with the Absent Coder.

Seconds later, Grohl began glowing in an orange light. The stadium, suspecting that Grohl was likely on his last legs given how much damage he'd been taking, didn't even bother playing "The Pretender" this time around.

And then, as Grohl was glowing, the hair shot out from his head and tail; the ears twisted; the red orbs shot out from his tail, and the orange light faded.

And the audience screamed.

Kendall sighed, as did D.C., looking at the duo of confused trainer and Pokemon before they made a single statement, a Dark Pulse having built up, ready to burst.

"<Ambition makes you look pretty ugly.>" ^note  To which someone in the audience promptly cried, "Off wit 'is 'ead, man!"

The orange aura around him faded as he went back to normal.

Kendall's side of the audience lost their minds.

"KIM SUCKS! KIM SUCKS! KIM SUCKS!"

Kendall and D.C. alike gestured for them to quiet down, which they did so.

Kim immediately glanced over at DC, horrified- but she tried her best to shake it off.

And then sent him out.

<I could say the same about you~!> he responded cheerfully, directing it towards DC- and then kicked up a rock.

Having picked up on the pattern of the Cinderace's kicks, D.C. rolled forward under the fireball, flames grazing his scalp as he responded with a burning projectile of his own.

Elton was hit, but it didn't faze him.

<Ooooh~! Nice one~!> he responded.

And then he charged up another ball.

A walking conduit of electricity due to his Steel-type, D.C. resigned himself to it coming in hot.

Wyndon Stadium Stands

Not spagposted with the Absent Coder.

For the entire duration of the Mega Evolution, Braker's camera was squarely focused on Grohl— and then Grohl used Dragon Pulse.

Instantly, Braker zoomed back out to the full battlefield.

<Heh. Shame that won't do much,> said Walter.

"Indeed," said Braker. "Grohl keeps forgetting that DC is part-Steel type."

<Then again, doesn't everyone?> asked Walter.

"I think this next attack will do it for him," said Braker.

And sure enough...

"<Ambition makes you look pretty ugly.>"

Braker, of course, got a bit caught up in it:

"Kicking and squealing Gucci little piggy..." he sang— only to be cut off by DC using Dark Pulse to knock Grohl out.

"Aaaaaand yep, he's down," said Braker.

<Nooooo...> said Cuddles.

<Ah, well. That's the way it is, I suppose,> said Walter.

And then Kim sent out Elton.

"Well, this should be interesting," said Braker. "DC's essentially battling Sean."

Beat.

"Come to think of it, though, why haven't they met yet?" he said. "They should. It would be a sight to see two extremely similar Pokemon battle it out."

<Who's Sean...?> asked Caboose.

"...I'll explain later," said Braker, knowing full well that given Caboose's literal tendencies he might not be able to fully grasp the concept of a Pokemon with a split personality.

<Okay, then!> said Caboose.

And then two balls of energy later, DC was down.

<Well, that was quick,> said Walter.

"Indeed," said Braker. "Now... who's next?"

Canalave City

<Oh, I was just looking for—> the Oshawott began, only for him to notice Gav. <Hey... is he okay?>

~I don't think so,~ said Emcee. ~It looks like he's afraid of Oshawott— er, "Blues"— for some reason.~

<Specifically Hisuian ones?> asked the Oshawott. <Because I can kind of understand it, then; Dark-types aren't mons I'd want to deal with either. In fact, if anything...> He smirked a bit. <I'd rather make them pay instead~!>

~...No, he grew up in Castelia,~ said Emcee. ~He's afraid of all of them.~

<...Oh,> said the Oshawott.

He approached Gav.

<Um... hi there?> he asked. <A-are you okay? I'm trying to get back to Hisui— the last thing I can remember I was in front of my Hisuian Samurott parents, and they said something that I couldn't really catch, and then a portal appeared in front of me and one of them hit me with their seamitar and knocked me through the portal to here and told me to never come back, and I don't know why—>

And upon hearing that last thing, Emcee's eye went wide, and they floated over to the Oshawott in shock.

~They did what?!~ they cried.

"Emcee?" asked Laurie. "What is it?"

~I think... I think this Oshawott's parents banished him from Hisui,~ said Emcee.

Laurie blanched.

"...they did what?!"

Route 8 Masketball Match

Upon seeing Roy, Braker, Walter, and Cuddles blinked in confusion.

<...He's keeping a human?> asked Caboose.

<He has a son?> asked Cuddles.

<The son's with Kamui?> asked Walter.

Braker had never played or even heard of Fire Emblem, so he didn't recognize the human at all. Even so, though, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he'd heard that voice somewhere.

"...Huh," said Braker.

<What is it, Braker?> said Walter.

"...Something seems familiar about that voice, but I can't place it," he said.

Walter shrugged. <I'm sure you'll figure it out soon. For now, back to the games.>

Serkis, of course, was still firing off Water Shurikens at the Origami Yamask.

April Fools' Day- The Stormchaser- Braker's Room (post-KL-RY; post-Buffy, post-Chernobog, post-Heracles, post-Thanatos)

April Fools' Day.

For many J-Teamers, this was widely regarded as a day where everything went crazy, and hilariousness and craziness ensued. Leonard Braker and Ingrid Anderson, meanwhile, had never experienced it, so they had no idea what was in store for either one of them.

For them, it had started out as merely one of their mons' birthdays.

And for Braker, that birthday was Caboose's.

By this point, Braker's first 12 mons were all in his room on board the Stormchaser, and the vast majority of them were on the bed. Caboose himself had already had his cake, and received his presents— a lock puzzle (natch) and a copy of RvB on DVD (double natch). Now, Braker figured, he might as well end Caboose's birthday in the best way possible.

With one of his favorite shows of all time.

<YIPPEE~!> cried Caboose happily. <We're watching Gamecube~!>

<Which episode is it?> asked Jules.

"51," said Braker.

<Naturally,> said Walter.

<This should be fun~!> said Cuddles. <Do you think the Sketch Pad game's gonna be in here?>

"Not sure," said Braker.

<We won't know until it turns on,> said Snoop. <Even so, though... I'm really excited to see what they have in store for us today~!>

KL-RY, meanwhile, was glancing around the room, extremely confused as to what was going on.

~HUH~ he asked. ~WHAT EXACTLY IS ALL OF THIS~

~I KNOW THAT'S A TELEVISION BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON WITH THIS SHIP AND WHAT IN THE WORLD IS "GAMECUBE"~

<Oh, that's easy~!> said Cuddles. <The ship became sentient due to everybody making a bunch of wishes to Uxie and— wait... YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF GAMECUBE?!>

~I-I-E~ said KL-RY, shaking his head.

<Well, then, this is your lucky day!> said Snoop. <Not only will this be a birthday celebration for Caboose, but it'll also be KL-RY's first time watching the show!>

<I have a feeling he's going to love it!> said Jules.

<Of course he will; it takes place in a computer,> said Romea, rolling her eyes a bit.

KL-RY paused. ~IT TAKES PLACE IN A COMPUTER~

<Yep!> said Panto.

<But... just warnin' ya in advance, there are a few... disgusting scenes,> said Lithium.

<I swear to Arceus if they have that Revolting Slob game with the Garbodor in it...> grumbled Romea.

Lithium paused for a few moments, then turned to face KL-RY. <Case in point,> he said.

<I don't really mind that game, to be honest,> said Caboose.

<HOW COULD YOU NOT MIND THAT GAME?!> cried Romea.

<Romea, look!> cried Jules, suddenly interrupting her. <It's on!>

<Huh...?>

Romea promptly glanced up at the TV. Sure enough, Gamecube was already up on [YouTube] and set to air. It had been taken off of Pinwheel Prime, much to the chagrin of Cuddles and especially Scramble, who had naturally bemoaned that there was no way to watch Gamecube anymore until Braker remembered it was on [YouTube] for free.

<Oh,> said Romea. <So it is.>

Braker promptly sat back down on his bed and turned to face his Pokemon.

"Alright," he said. "It's showtime."

<Yaaaay~!> cried Cuddles, jumping up onto Braker's shoulder.

<Well, hopefully, this turns out to be fun,> said Charon.

Braker promptly grabbed the remote and hit the PLAY button. Seconds later, the CUB logo flickered onto the screen, followed by the classic introductory lullaby and the even more classic introductory shot of a massive computer falling onto a person's brain.

KL-RY, naturally, was intrigued.

~OH~ he said. ~SO IT DOES TAKE PLACE IN A COMPUTER~

And then the seven immortal words:

"Well, now that we've got your attention..."

"<LET THE GAMES BEGIN~!>" cried Braker and all of his team members (save, naturally, for KL-RY, who was just getting used to this, and Romea, who couldn't care less).

KL-RY blinked.

~WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT~ he asked.

<They say that at the start of every episode,> said Romea offhandedly. <Honestly, I don't know why everybody has to join in.>

<Because it's fun~!> said Jules.

Romea sighed. <Oh, for the love of...>

Braker, meanwhile, grabbed his remote control and skipped through the entire intro section of the episode until he got to the title card.

And then the strangest thing happened.

The logo went black on the TV— that was the normal part.

What happened afterwards, however, wasn't as normal.

All of a sudden, the entire screen went completely black— and so did the entire room. All of the lights suddenly went out around Braker and his Pokemon, and the group looked around for a few moments in shock, all of them confused as to what was going on.

<...was that supposed to happen?> asked Walter.

"...Huh," said Braker. "That's odd. It didn't seem like there were any power issues before..."

<This is bad...> Scramble muttered to himself.

<Ah, don't worry about it, Scramble!> said Snoop. <I'm sure that Braker's gonna have it fixed eventua—>

And then all of a sudden the TV turned to static.

<Huh...?!> cried Snoop.

<W-what the heck is going on here?!> cried Romea. <Is this ship trying to play tricks on us or something?>

<If it is, I... don't think they're good ones,> said Panto nervously.

<Should we approach it...?> asked Cuddles.

<...I do not think that is a good idea,> said Charon.

<Ah, nonsense!> said Lithium, flying up to it. <I'm good with electricity... at least I think I am, anyways. It's probably just on the fritz or somethin'.>

<...while that could be a possibility, I doubt you're an electrician,> said Walter. <Are you really sure that that's going to work...?>

<Don't worry, this'll take no time at all,> said Lithium.

He started to fly up to the TV screen— only for him and everyone else in the room to suddenly be taken completely off-guard when a beam of light suddenly shot out of the TV, engulfing the entire room. Braker and all of his Pokemon suddenly found themselves floating off of the bed, and most of them screamed in horror. Cuddles instantly grabbed on to Braker and Walter for dear life, and Scramble did the same with Snoop.

<WHAT IS HAPPENING...?!> cried Romea.

<I don't know...!> sobbed Cuddles.

<GAH!> cried Caboose.

<This is very unusuals...!> Serkis managed to squeak out, now in full-blown panic mode.

<W-w-what's going on...?!> cried Panto.

And then seconds later, they found themselves all being sucked into the TV.

MEANWHILE...

April Fools' Day- The Stormchaser- Ingrid's Room ( post-Amity Evolution)

Similarly, over in Ingrid's room of the Stormchaser, another April Fools' birthday was being celebrated— and with a similar watch party. Unlike Caboose's birthday, however, it was no one's first time watching the show in question, and the birthday in question was for a Pokemon that had been with Ingrid for a while.

<MEEE~!> cried Ananpi, breaking into the narration before turning to face the rest of Ingrid's mons, who were all on her bed. <Isn't this fun, chuu~?>

<It sure is...!> said Bitey, chomping down on a piece of Ananpi's (obviously Pikachu-themed) birthday cake.

<I wouldn't really consider this "fun", per se, but I am interested in watching another Only Connect episode,> said Benny.

<Yeah, 'specially after last time where ya smoked us all~!> Bindi giggled, going up to Ananpi and poking his cheek playfully with one of the fingers on her hand tails. <You little stinker, you!>

<Doesn't he always, though?> asked Frida. <Besides, it is his birthday. Of course he was going to choose an episode of Only Connect.>

<Birthday fun always exciting!> said Bjorn happily.

<It sure is, chuu~!> said Ananpi.

<I... I wonder if Amity might get some right this time...> said Agnetha.

<I'm not sure,> said Amity. <Many of these things were before my time, after all.>

"Well, we'll see in a bit," said Ingrid, pulling up the episode on the TV.

<Ooooh~! I don't think I've ever seen this episode before~!> said Bindi excitedly.

<I definitely haven't,> Amity added.

<What categories will be in this one, chuu~?> asked Ananpi. <FIND OUT ON THIS EPISODE OF ONLY CONNECT~! Let's start this up, Ingrid~!>

Ingrid promptly nodded, and turned on the episode.

Seconds later, the iconic intro music and intro sequence for Only Connect began to play on the screen. All of Ingrid's Pokemon promptly settled in on her bed, eager to watch the episode.

And then, just as soon as the action with Victoria Cohen Mitchell was about to begin...

The TV went black, and all the lights flickered out.

Ananpi looked around for a few moments. <...Well, I wasn't expecting this.>

<What in the world happened here?> cried Frida.

<Hey, what gives?> cried Bindi. <Could someone turn the lights back on in here?>

<Do you think the ghosts are out tonight...?> Amity asked.

<Oh dear... o-oh no...>

<Agnetha, it's okay~! They'll turn on the lights eventually, chuu~!>

And then the TV became static.

<Hm,> said Benny. <Perhaps there's bad connection.>

<If there is, it's ridiculously bad,> said Frida. <How dare you prevent my friends and I from watching our show!>

<Very confused,> said Bjorn, tilting his head and going up to the TV. <Have never seen this happen before. Could be technical problem or-->

But he soon found himself interrupted by a massive beam of light shooting out of the TV and enveloping the entire room, causing everyone to float into the air.

<...or maybe it's an enemy attack,> said Benny. <Everyone, get in position! The enemy is—>

<It's not an enemy attack, Benny!> scoffed Frida. <What kind of enemy would invade a TV screen and cause us all to float?!>

<Porygon-Z, likely,> said Bjorn simply.

<Actually,> said Ananpi giddily, <I think it might be something a thousand times better than just watching Only Connect, chuu~!>

<What could be better than—> Bindi started.

And then she seemed to see where Ananpi was getting at, and instantly broke into a grin.

<Wait a minute,> she said. <Are you sayin'...?!>

<Yep, chuu~!> said Ananpi.

<What in the world are you two talking—> Frida began, but she was suddenly interrupted by her- and the rest of the team— being sucked into the TV.

<—ABOUUUUUUTTTTT-!>

<YES! I knew it, chuu~! Victoria~! I'm coming~!!>

Striaton City (post-League, post-Galar, post-Jinx)

Kim promptly sat on her bed and turned on her TV— only to see a Contest happening in front of her.

"Hm," she said. "Well, that's interesting."

Instantly, Elton emerged from his PokeBall and turned to Kim.

<Oooh~! A Contest?> he asked. <Maybe you could do that! You've ne'er done a Contest before...>

Kim glanced up, a bit of a sad smile on her face as she noticed Ian and Evelyn on the screen. "Hm. Maybe. But... I wouldn't really be that interested."

Edited by OPALGARNET16 on Apr 3rd 2022 at 5:21:16 AM