It's a long, hard dusty road, you'll journey on through a world you never known. Only time will tell you if or not if your life has been in vain. Each morning sunrise brings question and query, each sunset brings you more doubts. Always you're searching for what, you're not even sure, melting away like an icicle on fiiiiiiiiire. Oooooh.
— Xavier's opening theme (Rambler version)
"Life. You could say it started when I was a kid. Like most folks, I've always been different. But not like the others. Other kids could be cruel, they'd call me names: dweeb, chimp, honky, dweeby-chimp, honky-dweeb, and worst of all: chomsky-honk. Did you know there's over eighty-seven combinations of those soul-scalding words? I found out the hard way. Life! Adolescence was better: went to the prom with a model, but she left with some jock. Dyke!"
— Xavier
"Fate. Destiny. Fatestinatey. People toss those words around like tennis balls. Well, I eat balls for breakfast."
— Xavier
"Don't you see? The missing child you each seek to reconnect with is still inside you all. But you buried it. You, Paul, when you were six and you killed that spider monkey with that claw hammer, you really just squashed your heart with that hammer, and that's why you became a dirty pig cop."
"Unload your troubles unto me, even if it's tough to swallow. I'm used to swallowing huge loads."
— Xavier
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant. Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped. Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses. Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder. Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
— A hallucination on "Pet Siouxicide
"The pride I feel for finally fingering my father's killer is dampened only by the fact that I promised to kill my father's killer. I fingered myself. To death."
— Xavier
"This is what the tandem cycle of random violence breeds! A vengeful black hit-sludge with a grudge hath brought the reaper you've sown in the goo of your guilt, as the créme-de-karma is roosting home to harm ya. It always ends up boning the poor."
— Xavier
