Noah: But why bother stocking the lake with sharks? Wouldn’t it have been a lot less labor to just let a luckless leaper live with the likelihood of leaving the land of the living as a light lunch for those allegedly legendarily large Leech Lake lampreys? Oh, silly me, it’s not like they’re actually real, LOL.
Izzy [winking]: Now look, you lame little loser, I’ll allow that I like to let loose a long alliterative line as well as anyone, but just because this is supposed to be a kid’s show doesn’t mean we need to turn it into a Dr. Seuss routine. But if Lady Luck likes you, and you live through the ‘life in the balance’ leap and Leech Lake’s legendary lampreys don’t lunch all your scarlet life liquid and lap up the last of your lymph, you’ll laugh last, ‘cause I’ll let you alliterate as long as you like.”
Chris: Okay, bro and bra, it’s not like I wouldn’t love to listen to your little alliter-off, but we’re on a schedule.
—alliteration "duel" from "The Tale of the First Challenge" (boldface added)
That may not be if we’re to win this fight.
To seize the day against their greater power,
We cannot let out talents be misspent.
If you would lead this team, then lead us not
From the rear, nor hold aloof from battle;
But rather, lead us boldly at the fore.
Your strength of arm says that your place is there.
And you are fresh—and that could turn the tide.
My flesh is weak. My brain—now that’s my strength.
You said yourself, the coach’s place is not
Upon the field, so let me serve us here
As he who thinks for us but cannot act.
And with our purpose thus as one, then let
The nation gape in awe and wonderment
As it beholds the marvels we have wrought
And yet shall do before this day is done.
In times to come, when people talk about
This day and how we earned our fame and honor,
Whether as gloried victors or as valiant
Vanquished, we shall recall our deeds of yore.
Then we will bare our arm or breast and say,
‘These wounds I got that fateful day as we,
Upon the court on Wawanakwa’s isle,
We band of brothers faced our foe who thought
It not too prideful to deem us not their match.
Nor did the world think it wrong to judge us so.
And yet the way we fought and persevered
Poured us the cup of fame we now enjoy.’
Then will the Eagles names come gladly for
Our lips to savor: Heather the Queen, Justin
The brave; Katie, Sadie, the yin and yang;
The wily Cody, the bold LeShawna,
And Trent and Gwen and Lindsay and Noah.
Then men will say our fame was fairly earned,
And women tell their children on their knees
The tale of how we fought on Dodgeball Day.
—Noah's Rousing Speech, based on the St. Crispin's Day speech, from "The Tale of the Dodgeball Match"
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