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Quotes / If Wishes Were Ponies

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ATTENTION ALL GRYFFINDORS!
1) Students are not allowed to ask ghosts if they are dead. It is rude.
2) Students are not allowed to exorcise or assist local ghosts to their next great adventure without ADVANCE permission from the Headmaster.
..a) Yes, this includes Peeves, no matter how aggravating he may be.
3) Students are not allowed to manifest, materialize, restore, or otherwise turn or return to life any ghosts, or other deceased or non-corporeal individuals, whether human or not. Period.
..a) This includes, but is not limited to, banshees, dementors, draugrs, ghouls, inferi, jiangshis, liches, mummies, phantoms, poltergeists, revenants, shadow persons, skeletons, spectres, vampires, wights, wraiths, and zombies.
..b) Yes, this includes Peeves, no matter how much he deserves hexing.
4) Students are not allowed to attempt spells or rituals from household grimoires or books from home without FIRST getting permission from their Head of House OR the Headmaster. Preferably BOTH.
..a) Individual spells brought or sent from home are included in this.
..b) As are any spells from a source not in the Hogwarts Library.
..c) As are any spells from books in the Hogwarts Restricted Section.
..d) And book, for the purposes of this list, shall be construed to be anything with a spell written on it.
5) Outside of Quidditch matches and practice, pegasi are restricted to a top speed of 40 mph.
..a) Pegasi are not allowed to participate in official Quidditch matches (You must be a person and riding a broom).
..b) Pegasi are not allowed to fly in school corridors.
..c) Pegasi are not allowed to fly in the Great Hall.
..d) Pegasi are not allowed to fly up or down the staircases.
....i) the Grand Stairwell area is considered part of the stairs, and, as such, Pegasi are not allowed to free-fly in that space — in any direction.
..e) Pegasi are allowed to fly in classrooms — with the Professor’s permission and for demonstration purposes, only.
..f) Students are not allowed to request a certain Equestrian-Atlantean turn their fellow best-mates into pegasi.
....i) Or any other animagus form!
....ii) If you don’t know who this Equestrian-Atlantean is, consider yourself very lucky.
6) While the desire to learn is laudable, students are no longer allowed within a Hogwarts Library book for longer than two hours. Five points shall be deducted for each infraction.
..a) Students are prohibited from remaining inside any of his or her own personal books for longer than two hours.
..b) Students are not allowed to use the book-walking spell past lights-out. Five points deduction for each infraction.
..c) Students are not allowed into any Hogwarts Library book without strict supervision by a Professor, or a student two (2) years her senior — the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan are not considered appropriate supervisors.
7) Students are not allowed to spend more than 5 minutes hugging/petting/grooming an animagus student in their animagus form if other students are waiting.
..a) Students are not allowed to force, or guilt, an animagus student to remain in their form if they do not wish to do so.
..b) All animagi students must complete their homework for the day before they can partake in any ‘petting’ or ‘grooming’ session.
..c) Animagi student are not allowed to use that form’s cuteness to convince staff members to do things for them or excuse them from activities, assignments, or punishments.
.....i) Animagi are not allowed to enlist other animagi in this subversion of authority.
8) Students are not allowed to play with dangerous beasts inside Hogwarts, its grounds, or the lake, without the direct supervision of a Professor.
..a) For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid is a qualified staff member.
..b) Or in the classrooms, unless supervised by a qualified staff member.
.....i) For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid is NOT a qualified staff member.
..c) Or in the dorms,
..d) Or the broom-closets, even if they are expanded,
..e) Or student trunks, even if they are expanded,
..f) Or the Hogwarts’ front, side, or rear grounds,
..g) Or the lake (except Gerald, the Squid).
9) Students are not allowed to try to catch, or actually catch, the spiders in the Forbidden Forest in hopes of getting a Cutie Mark in Spider Wrangling. Or producing their own Acromantula silk. Or any other reason.
10) Sweetie Belle is ONLY allowed to brew potions under the direct supervision of Professor Snape, or an accomplished potions student three (3) years her senior.
..a) The Weasley twins are excluded from supervising any students, at any time, for any reason, with regards to potions, unless Professor Snape gives his un-coerced permission.
11) Students are strictly FORBIDDEN to call upon a certain Equestrian-Atlantean during Professor Snape’s lessons. Or any other lesson. Or within Hogwarts in general. Or anywhere near it. Or quote this rule out loud more than once in twenty-four hours. Per whole group and not per person. Just . . . DON’T! Penalties include dismissal from Hogwarts and/or time in Azkaban.
12) All students are to remain fully clothed outside of their dorms.
..a) and outside of the bathrooms in their own dorms.
..b) and said clothing is to include underwear.
..c) Students are not allowed to attend class in animagus forms to get around the requirement to be dressed.
..d) Showing off your cutie mark as an animagus is allowed. As a human, disrobing or lifting your robes in public to show off your “cutie mark” is not.
..e) Neither is doing so in private with a member of the opposite sex.
..f) Forcibly disrobing an individual to see if they really don’t have a cutie mark is forbidden.
..g) So is doing the same if they do have a cutie mark.
13) Students are not allowed to summon the Equestrian Royal Guard to detain the inhabitants of the Forbidden Forest.
..a) The Centaurs are not going to drain anybody’s magic.
..b) YES! WE ARE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN CENTAURS DO NOT STEAL PEOPLE’S MAGIC.
..c) OR PONIES’ MAGIC.
..d) No pony, person, or other creature is allowed to approach any of the Centaurs in the Forbidden Forest for any reason whatsoever on penalty of being suspended from Hogwarts and sent home for one week.
..e) Yes, we know there are unicorns in the forest. No, they do not need the Equestrian Royal Guard to protect them from the Centaurs.
14) Ponies are not allowed to walk on the walls or ceilings inside or outside of any building on Hogwarts’ grounds without getting permission from a professor, first. For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid cannot give permission.
15) No bringing or creating weather inside the castle, without a Professor’s permission. Don’t ask Hagrid for permission.
16) Students are required to GET PERMISSION from a staff member with suitable qualifications, experience, and attitude BEFORE bringing any dangerous beasts from home.
..a) Hogwarts’ staff are the arbiters of whether a beast is dangerous.
....i. For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid is NOT a qualified staff member.
....ii.
..b)
....i. For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid is NOT a qualified arbiter.
....ii.
..c) Hogwarts’ staff are the arbiters of whether an animal is a beast.
..d)
....i. For the purposes of this rule, Hagrid is NOT a qualified arbiter.
....ii.
..e) Students are not allowed to take home with them, or send home, dangerous beasts from the Forbidden Forest to demonstrate the difference between their forest and ours. Rules 16a & b from above apply.
..f)
..g) Students are not allowed to have dangerous beasts sent to them from home. Rules 16a & b from above apply.
..h)
..i) Students are not allowed to send dangerous beasts to school ahead of themselves. Rules 16a & b from above apply.
..j)

For Book 2, Rule 6 has been changed and no longer directly targets Hermionie by name.

  • The Book 1 Version:
    6) While the desire to learn is laudable, students are no longer allowed within a Hogwarts Library book for longer than two hours. Five points deducted for each infraction.
    ..a) Miss Granger is prohibited from remaining inside any of her own personal books for longer than two hours on penalty of her mother’s very stern lecture.
    ..b) Miss Granger is not allowed to use the book-walking spell past lights-out. Five points deduction for each infraction.
    ..c) Miss Granger is also no longer allowed into any Hogwarts Library book without strict supervision by a Professor, or a student two (2) years her senior — the Weasley twins are not considered appropriate supervisors.

“He breaks every law of the universe, and considers the universe his play thing. He plays with physics the way a toddler plays with playdough.”


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