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Quotes / Alcatraz Series

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By now, it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer's greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It goes back to authors being terrible people who delight in the suffering of others. Plus, we get a kickback from the caffeine industry...
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

Authors also create lovable, friendly characters, then proceed to do terrible things to them, like throw them in unsightly librarian-controlled dungeons. This makes readers feel hurt and worried for the characters. The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties.
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes — unfortunately — it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do. Sigh. Life can be so tough sometimes.
Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

Regardless, I often wish that the two groups — adults and kids — could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world. Give them enough time, and they'll turn any kid into one of them.
Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones

"Dragon!" I yelled, pointing.
"Brilliant observation, Smedry," Bastille noted from beside me.
I was too alarmed to make an amazing comeback. Fortunately, I’m the author of this book, so I can rewrite history as I feel necessary. Let’s try that again.
I glanced to the side, whereupon I noticed a dangerous scaly lizard slithering its way along the sides of the buildings, obviously bent on devouring us all.
"Behold!" I bellowed. "’Tis a foul beast of the netherhells. Stand behind me and I shall slay it!"
"Oh, Alcatraz," Bastille breathed. "Thou art awesomish and manlyish."
"Lo, let it be such," I said.
Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia


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