Funny / Uncle Buck

• "Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell's wart!"
  • "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a RAT GNAW THAT THING OFF YOUR FACE! Good day to you, madam."
• Any time Buck "playfully" threatens Bug.
• Buck's first night with the kids:
  Buck: Did you brush your teeth?
  Miles: Yeah, you can even feel my toothbrush!
  Buck: [without missing a beat] You know, I have a friend who works at the crime lab. I could give him your toothbrush and he could run a test on it to see if you've actually brushed your teeth, or just ran the toothbrush under the faucet. [exits]
  Maisy: If that's true, we're gonna really have to start brushing our teeth.
• Buck knocking over everything on the counter, interrupting Tia's reconcilliation with her mother (which he'd just cautioned the kids to be quiet during).
• Buck telling Chanice on the phone that he has to go out of town, and won't be able to be at her job for work after all. We then see only his side of the conversation as he struggles to get a word in during her apparently furious tirade.
  • Buck having the gall to rattle off a fake radio ad for Chanice's tyre company the morning after he dodges working for her.
• Buck cooking massive pancakes for Miles' birthday breakfast.
  Buck: You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door.
• Buck packing Miles a lunch that consists of milk in a mayo jar, sardines and other assorted foodstuffs.
  Miles: Would anyone like to discuss the possibility of a trade? *Cue the kids at the table screaming and peeling away so fast they abandon their lunches in terror*
• BLASPHEMER!
• The Interrogation Scene. A very young Macaulay Culkin sweats a deadpan John Candy like a Bad Cop on a bad day:
  Miles: Where do you live?
  Buck: In the city.
  Miles: You have a house?
  Buck: Apartment.
  Miles: Own or rent?
  Buck: Rent.
  Miles: What do you do for a living?
  Buck: Lots of things.
  Miles: Where's your office?
  Buck: I don't have one.
  Miles: How come?
  Buck: I don't need one.
  Miles: Where's your wife?
  Buck: Don't have one.
  Miles: How come?
  Buck: It's a long story.
  Miles: You have kids?
  Buck: No I don't.
  Miles: How come?
  Buck: It's an even longer story.
  Miles: Are you my dad's brother?
  Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
  Miles: Thirty-eight.
  Buck: I'm your dad's brother alright.
  Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.
  Buck: How nice of you to notice.
  Miles: I'm a kid, that's my job.
• Miles looking out the mail slot when Chanice rings the doorbell. The first two times, she leans out of sight so he can't see anybody outside; the third time he opens the slot, this◊ is what he sees.
• Uncle Buck using the kiddie urinal.
• The Bait-and-Switch when Buck realizes Tia isn't with Bug. His expression morphs from relief (since Tia's not being assaulted), to upset (because Tia's being cheated on), to glee (since he still has an excuse to hurt the twerp).
• "I'm an amateur dentist."

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