Funny / Sea Patrol

• Spider's first day on Hammersley:
  Buffer: Don’t listen to him, Spider.
  Spider: Oh, my name’s Billy. Billy Webb.
  Chefo: Yeah, that’s right. Spider Webb.
  Spider: No, I had that all through school. I joined the navy to get away from it all.
  Buffer: Good luck with that, Spider.
• A moment of Black Comedy while Swain is trying to do an emergency tracheotomy:
  Mike: What’s happening, Buffer?
  Buffer: They’re still looking for a tube, sir.
  Mike: Tell X she’s got a pistol. Use it.
  Buffer: You want him to shoot her?
  Mike: Tell X to break down her Browning, remove the 9-millimetre barrel, use it as a tube. Over.
  Buffer: Got it.
  Mike: [Chuckles.] Shoot her.
  Nav: Well, that’s one way of ending a crisis.
• Swain shows Charge the ultrasound image of his baby:
  Charge: Looks like a frog.
  Swain: It’s not a frog! It’s my gorgeous baby!
  Charge: Which explains why it looks like a frog.
• On a return visit to Bright Island:
  Mike: I dropped off two agents, but I can see another six. What the hell are they doing?
  Buffer: Breeding, sir?
• 2Dads and the monkey.
  • Kate finding the monkey and 2Dads' pathetic attempt to play dumb at where it came from.
  2Dads: My God, it's a monkey! How'd he get here?
  Kate: I don't know, but he seems to know you.
• Spider and Carly Walsman making out on her dad's boat and the others watching on the camera. Then she inflates his life jacket leading to Mike giving Spider a 'don't tell me' look.
• The wonderful Facepalm that Kate does when she finds out Mike has been reassigned to the Hammersley.
• Kate, Bomber and Bird watching Dutchy working out and Kate being flustered on the bridge.
• Spider on an illegal fishing boat specializing in exotic fish:
  "Hey X, they've got the whole cast of Finding Nemo down there.
• Spider trying to order a beer from the French barman, the barman insulting him, then Bomber coming over and telling off the barman.
• RO, 2Dads, and Danielle.
• RO driving a golf buggy drunk and ending up in a golf pond.
• Everyone's reactions to RO getting arrested. Then 2Dads chastised for being so cheap to refuse to give up his poker winnings to the bail pot.
• The girl giving birth in episode 12 of season one and her idiotic boyfriend.
• Mike finds video of Chefo's engagement party and sees Spider dressed up as Kate and laughs. Kate comes in and sees the video. Mike's smile goes away and he tries to defend Spider with:
  Chefo's engagement drinks. Several...engagement drinks.
  • Then it cuts to Spider standing at attention with Kate seething in front of him watching the video. She makes him pay for the rest of the episode.
• When Mike is promoted and off the Hammersley, Kate and the new commander have to make a report at NavCom. The new commander starts talking about how interesting crocodile mating is; Kate looks at Mike, while he looks anywhere but at her.
• Buffer dressed as Mrs. Neptune to lift the curse that Hammersley has come under because their mascot has been stolen.
  • Spider being tied up when the mascot gets stolen, and the look on ET's face when he finds Spider.
• Charge in a ridiculously elaborate fishing outfit, complete with a hat with hooks attached and a fancy pole. When he says, "It cost less than a thousand," the entire crew laughs with 2Dads going, "They saw you coming!"
• The crew being asked to find a dog lost at sea that two children put in a dinghy which got loose. Mike even asks if the crew is having him on. They find the dog at the end though.
• With Bomber off ship, RO is told to cook with Bird as his aide. Charge brings up the last time that happened with a sick expression.
  Ro: We all die...it's not my fault!
  Charge: We will die.
• Buffer trying to convince the other crew members that nothing is going on with him and Kate.
  • Buffer and Kate getting back at 2Dads for starting the rumour. It involve some swallowed pearls....
• The crew laughing on Charge, of all people, getting married while drunk. When 2Dads starts humming "The Wedding March," Swain has to hold Charge back from strangling him.