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Funny / Hi-de-Hi!

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  • From "A Night Not to Remember", we get the glorious sight of Jeffrey getting completely blind drunk on half a bottle of champagne and a long series of beers and/or tomato juices spiked with vodka by a group of Lancastrian rugby players who are staying at the camp.
    • When Barry and Yvonne try to protest the fezzes and moustaches they have to wear as part of their costumes for Egyptian Night and Yvonne asks Jeffrey "Do we or do we not look ridiculous?", Jeffrey looks at them for about three seconds before bursting into a snickering fit that lasts until well after the offended Barry and Yvonne storm off to perform their number with Spike.
    • By the end of the evening, Jeffrey is so far gone that he is holding onto the handrail of the bar for dear life. As Gladys tries to prise him away from it, he ends up ripping a segment off, and Gladys has to lead him back to his chalet and persuade him to turn it sideways on so that it will fit through the door. He still has the segment of handrail in bed with him the next morning.
  • Hi-De-Hi! doesn't go quite as far down the over the top slapstick route as some of David Croft's other sitcoms (beyond Spike getting repeatedly thrown in the pool during routines for the campers' entertainment), but when it does, the results are hilarious. Two examples revolve around fires breaking out and being extinguished in a slipshod way at best:
    • In "The Carnival", Maplin's have two Wild West-themed floats in Crimpton-on-Sea's annual parade, and one float has Gladys as "the white virgin" tied to a pole next to a campfire. However, Ted doesn't think the campfire is spectacular enough and empties some meths onto it - except the cap is loose, and a huge splash of meths falls out, and the fire begins to spread quickly. As camp organist Ramona begins providing musical accompaniment straight out of a silent film soundtrack on a saloon-style piano, Jeffrey jumps onto the float to untie Gladys, who is quickly swooning over how brave and heroic he is (to his embarrassment). Meanwhile, the fire causes the light bulbs over the floats to explode, spooking the coalman's horse hired to pull the float, who then bolts and drags Fred and Peggy along with him; eventually, they end up on the beach and steer the horse in the water to tire him out. The burning float, meanwhile, is dragged by Barry and the male Yellowcoats, dressed as US Cavalry soldiers, to the swimming pool. All while Hugo Buxton, the dean of Jeffrey's old college at Cambridge who is hoping to persuade him to return to the faculty, watches in utter disbelief.
      Yvonne: [as she and the rest of the entertainment staff splash water onto the burning float] Barry, get on to our agent first thing in the morning.
      Barry: [sarcastically] What are you grumbling about? You know perfectly well that all your life you've wanted to stand in a swimming pool putting out a fire on a coal cart dressed as a barroom tart!
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    • In "All Change", Ted asks Peggy to get some salt from her supply trolley for his cooking, despite her reproof that he's not supposed to cook in his chalet. However, once she gets the salt, she and Ted see smoke pouring out of the chalet - not from Ted's cooking, but from Barry's curling tongs (Barry having been kicked out by Yvonne), which have been left plugged in and set fire to his bed. As Ted, Fred, and Mr Partridge futilely try throwing containers of water at the fire - a chamberpot and two teacups, respectively - Gladys frantically knocks on Jeffrey's door; when he emerges and sees the fire, he is so alarmed that he doesn't realise he's forgotten to put his trousers on and quickly ducks back into his chalet. Meanwhie, Peggy, Spike, and the female Yellowcoats unroll the fire hose... which turns out to be several yards too short to direct the water into Ted's chalet. Peggy and Spike try holding Peggy's bucket in the water stream, but it is so powerful that the water bounces straight out of the bucket again and thoroughly soaks Ted. Jeffrey suggests deflecting the water off something flat (Ted shouts "Get Yvonne!"), and Fred decides they can use Peggy's trolley, but even this fails utterly to get any water in the door. At which point Barry returns with a fire extinguisher, grumbling "Really! Hasn't anyone around here got any intelligence!?"... before getting hit in the backside as he tries to get past the water stream to put out the fire.
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  • Joe Maplin's letters to the camp are always good for a laugh, doubly so because of Jeffrey's carefully pronounced and completely straight-faced delivery of them, grammatical mistakes, insults, and all. "Stripes" includes a particularly good example: Joe Maplin has visited the camp disguised as a camper in a shabby suit, as Ted and Spike discovered upon returning from a fishing trip on their day off. Ted is relieved that he wasn't at the camp, as Joe Maplin might have discovered his dodgy bingo game. Only Peggy knew who he was (his gold cufflinks, big diamond ring, and crocodile skin shoes gave him away), and she tells Jeffrey that she followed him around telling jokes in an unsuccessful attempt to entertain him. Ted tells Jeffrey that at 9:00 the next morning, he will find a letter with instructions from Joe Maplin on his desk, and at three minutes past nine, he will emerge from his office looking very pale, ready to share the letter's contents with the staff. Sure enough, the next day, the morning staff meeting begins with Jeffrey exiting his office with Gladys in front of him, a letter in his hands, and a very worried look on his face...
    Ted: [to Spike] 'Ey up, three minutes past nine.
    Spike: Ooh, you're right Ted, he does look pale!
    Gladys: [clears her throat] May we have quiet, please? Mr Fairbrother has a very important message from Head Office.
    Jeffrey: [long pause as he tries to think how to begin] It's from Joe Maplin, it's in his own words as usual, so I'll read it out. [reading] "Right you lot, get a load of this. I come down yesterday, got up as a camper. You're a shower. You're a load of idle stinkpots. [the staff look offended] This is my dairy." ... I think he means "diary"... [gestures vaguely with his finger] "I" before the... [abandons explanation and reads again] "10:30: come into camp. First thing I clap eyes on is that demented jockey... [Fred looks shocked] leading his pony trek three horses short. I don't want no empty horses."
    Fred: They were sick, they weren't fit to work, Mr Fairbrother!
    Jeffrey: [reading] "If they're not fit for work, don't give them no oats. That will teach them."
    Fred: I can't stop giving them oats, Mr Fairbrother! That's the only thing a horse has got to look forward to!
    Jeffrey: Yes, well, that- that's not all, Fred. [reading] "They were shuffling their hooves on the road. Make them pick their feet up. Otherwise it wears out the shoes."
    Mr Partridge: If I was you, I'd take 'em off when they go to bed!
    Fred: [glares at Partridge] You're as heartless as he is!
    Jeffrey: [reading] "10:45 approx: stopped to take a gander at Punch and Judy show. Punch tried to hit copper three times and missed. [Mr Partridge looks worried] Punch's speech was slurred. Was Punch drunk?"
    Mr Partridge: [outraged] I never touched a drop yesterday, I swear it!
    Jeffrey: [reading] "11:00: ballroom. Them dancers was giving a tango exhibition. [Barry and Yvonne smile proudly] Tell Barry if that bird of his gets any thinner I'll put her on half salary. [Yvonne looks unamused] What's he doing to her? [Barry glances at Yvonne with a "Should I answer that?" look] Give her a chitty for double helpings of plum duff."
    Ted: Tell you what, Barry, give her the oats from Fred's horses!
    Barry: She doesn't look forward to oats in quite the same way. [forced smile]
    Yvonne: If anyone says one more word on this subject I shall leave the room, the camp, and the town.
    Jeffrey: [reading] "Now, about the Yellowcoats: M and F..." I think he means "male and female", it's the... initial... [reading] "The Ms look a bit lightweight, but live and let live. [Gary, Stanley, and Bruce exchange looks] As for the Fs, they is slack. For instance, I'd swear two of them wasn't wearing brassieres." [he pronounces this last word "braziers"; Tracy gestures to the guilty parties, Sylvia and Betty, who look shocked. A very embarrassed-looking Jeffrey, meanwhile, opens and closes his mouth several times and makes vague gestures around his chest before miming swimming backstroke, to Betty's utter confusion] He means, he means... backstroke. [reads again] "This is a family camp. What happens if they got knocked down and carted off to hospital wearing my Yellowcoats? It would reflect on me. Apart from that, they was slummocky. That Welsh bit Gladys... [Gladys looks at Jeffrey, who attempts a re-assuring smile before going back to the letter] threw herself into everything with gusto. She's a knockout. She's what I call a Yellowcoat. Give her another ten bob a week. [Gladys looks proud; the other staff members murmur] Put her in charge and tell her to sharpen up the rest. [turning letter over] Oh, and tell that potty chalet maid... [Peggy looks mortified and mouths "Potty??"] who kept following me around and rabbiting to get her pocket mended. Get cracking, Joe Maplin."
    Ted: [aside to Spike] I've got away with it, Spike!
    Jeffrey: [reading] "P.S. Tell that Ted Bovis I've changed his bingo blower and if he wants to hide from me in the hedge he'll have to take some weight off." [Spike laughs as Ted looks offended]

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