- Written By: ThomasPOV: Jerry.Deaths: Grover (1)
The series begins with Believer In Christ (hereafter called BIC or Thomas, depending on how he's referred to at the moment), the author, talking with Jesus, who tells him that he's "saved "by writing the story and to hunt down the Satanists. Naturally, all this comes off as though BIC is having a conversation with himself.
A standard I Do Not Own disclaimer follows, even though doing so is generally unnecessary and pointless. This time, though, BIC says that he does not own the Bible, but makes no apologies for using Percy Jackson, since it's evil.
Proverbs 16:18 ("Pride goeth before a fall") is quoted for no apparent reason, although the author is quite arrogant himself.
Jerry introduces himself, saying that he's a servant of the lord, and is planning to defeat the evil gods, as well as their minion Percy Jackson and his "girlfriend whore" who has sex with others for money. But in order to fight Percy and the evil Greek Gods, which Satan created in order to poison people's minds Jerry needs an army.
Deuteronomy 12:30 is quoted.
Luckily for Jerry, he has Mary. He says that he's not dating her, lest the "satanic scum" get any ideas, but then says they are dating, but aren't having sex yet since they're only 15.
Jerry greets Mary, who responds in kind and asks whether he's been doing the Lord's bidding. He says yes, and they start studying the Bible, starting with Genesis. So far, this doesn't seem much like an ordinary conversation or day together that a young couple in love, even an insane fundamentalist Christian one, would have.
The conversation shifts to the Greek Gods, and how they're "sex gods", which they say is against the Ten Commandments (perhaps a violation of having other gods before the God of the bible, but not being sex gods).
Jerry then takes the opportunity to ask Mary for help against Percy and the Greek gods. Jerry declares that America is a Christian nation, and that the unbelievers must be enslaved unless they convert. He adds that the unbelievers must be burned if they recant, saying that it's what they did to the Christians in the past. The idea that the Prayer Warriors would be no better than the Satanists if they did that is lost on Jerry, as is the fact that that the First Amendment would never allow Congress to pass a law enabling this to happen.
Isaiah 13:18 is quoted.
Mary agrees to help, saying that she will introduce Jerry to some of her friends. The narration takes a break to tell us that Mary's hair is appropriately tied, and her legs are covered. Badfic writers like wasting time on their characters' outfits, but this is one of the first times a character's sensible and conservative outfit has been described in such detail.
Jerry learns about one of Percy's followers having come to convince people to get naked and do "Satanic killings." Jerry then decides to go downstairs (despite it never having been established at any point that he was upstairs or inside) to face the villain.
Leviticus 18:19 is quoted after the paragraph mentioning the arrival of Percy's follower, and one has to wonder whether it should have been a paragraph earlier, since it seems relevant there.
The person turns out to be Grover Underwood, and his god, Pan, is said to be Satan in disguise. The fact that Grover, as a satyr, is a Horned Humanoid is brought up as proof that he's evil, and Grover proudly proclaims that his god and Satan are better than God and Jesus.
Exodus 22:20 is quoted, and considering that it says that those who sacrifice unto any other god will be destroyed, it's something of a Pre-Mortem One-Liner that the narrative uses on Grover.
Jerry, Mary and Ruth (who is one of Mary's friends and has never been mentioned before or since) spring into action and pray to God. A swarm of locusts appears and devours Grover, not even leaving behind his bones, nor allowing him to put up any resistance whatsoever.
Exodus 10:12 is quoted, possibly to remind people who are skeptical of the many other things BIC got wrong that the locusts part does have a basis in the Bible.
The group kills a sheep to give thanks to God, something that Christians believe has been rendered unnecessary by Jesus' sacrifice. They read the bible about Paul, and when Mary's friends arrive, they induct them into the Order of the Prayer Warriors.
Isaiah 13:16 is quoted, and another self-congratulatory conversation that BIC has with Jesus follows.
The first chapter sets the tone for the rest of the series quite nicely. In the space of it, we saw several random biblical quotations, a plot driven by the desire to kill or subjugate anyone who disagrees with the author, characters getting virtually no characterizations, with the females completely subservient to the males, and canon characters turning evil and getting killed off with no effort whatsoever in gruesome fashion. We're given no reason to doubt the Prayer Warrior's inevitable victory, or cheer for them as they succeed, but it's fun to spork this poorly written fan fiction.
Next Installment: The Prayer Warriors add a few canon Percy Jackson characters to their list of victims.
