Chapters 7 - 14

Chapter 7: Jon

Jon travels among the Free Folk, silently remarking on how free they all are and how nobody bows down to anybody and that makes them all free and stuff. Rattleshirt has appointed Ygritte and a guy called Longspear Ryk to guard him. You know, Ygritte is clearly enamoured of Jon; that's a pretty big conflict of interest right there, Rattleshirt.

They encounter a few outriders, who take Jon to see Mance. Since the Mance doesn't dress or carry himself any differently to the others, and is at present playing a song about a guy who was killed by the husband of a Dornishwoman he had an affair with, Jon initially mistakes a dude with no ears for him. As it turns out, the earless chap is Tormund Giantsbane, Tall-talker, Hornblower, Breaker of Ice, Husband to Bears, the Mead-King of Ruddy Hall, Speaker to Gods and Father of Hosts. Also present is Styr, Magnar*

of Thenn; Dalla, the Mance's pregnant girlfriend; Val, Dalla's sister; and Jarl, Dalla's boytoy. Tormund is upset that Qhorin is dead, because he wanted to kill him, too.

The Mance interrogates Jon a bit, and asks how Jon knew where his camp was. Tormund interjects that it was obviously Craster; the Mance replies that he knows full well it was Craster, and only asked to see if Jon was honest. Tormund says that's why the Mance is king and he's just a bodyguard; the Mance then dismisses everyone but Jon and Dalla that they may speak privately.

The Mance says he's seen Jon's face twice. The first was back when he was with the Watch, he was part of a delegation that came to Winterfell when Jon was just a boy. The second time was just a couple of years ago, when the Mance posed as a travelling bard and attached himself to Robert's party. He shows his humility by saying that while he was inspired by the exploits of Bael the Bard, he is much less of a man, and can only sing the songs that other men lived.

The Mance makes a point of how he was protected by sacred hospitality then, and how Jon is now. He asks Jon to tell him truly if he is a cowardly deserter. Jon says he's tell his story if he gets the reason the Mance turned, and so we get the Mance's backstory.

When he was a member of the Watch, Mance went on a scouting mission with a few others. They got into a fight with some free men, and the injured survivors took refuge in an old woman's shack. Mance's cloak had been ripped, so the woman repaired it with some bright red, quite expensive silk that is very hard to come by, especially beyond the Wall, yet she never asked for payment or reward.

However, when thye got back to Castle Black, the castellan ordered that Mance get rid of his new cloak, as the Watchmen are only permitted to wear black. Mance, disgusted, turned tail and ran for the Free Men.

Upon hearing this, Jon says that the real reason he left the Watch was because as a bastard he was always treated as unworthy of inheritance, and thinks he would be able to make something of himself among the Free Men. The Mance seems to buy this.

Top moment:

Jarl

I am no man's pet!

Tormund

And Val's no man.

"The Dornishman's Wife" is a far more accomplished poem than "The Bear and the Maiden Fair", showing that perhaps Martin isn't completely incapable of writing poetry, though I would still rather he didn't put in any more.

The fact that they're singing a song of Dorne beyond the Wall, coupled with the Mance's comments on hospitality, seem to show that the Free Men are just as human and civilised as the southerners, and they have far more in common than many in the south would realise.

The Mance himself is probably the best king in the books who isn't a Stark. Joffrey is a cruel brat, Cersei is a controlling bitch, Stannis is a prickly asshole, Renly doesn't seem to care much for the common man, and even Daenerys, who has been through considerable hardship, thinks she is above msot people simply because her father was a king. By contrast, the Mance had to earn the respect of his followers, and he never lords it over them, apparently preferring to be the first among equals than the lord and master. Free society is also far more egalitarian and apparently even more honest than the other cultures, which I suppose is Martin's way of saying "Freedom is awesome!"

Oh, and speaking of Daenerys...

Chapter 8: Daenerys

The ships carry Daenerys and her followers towards the Free Cities while her dragons practise flying above. Whitebeard tells Daenerys of how Rhaegar, her older brother, was a bookish nerd while young, but one day announced he had to learn to fight due to some sort of prophecy, and apparently he was pretty good at it. But then he died.

Later on, Daenerys talks to Jorah, who tells her that Whitebeard and Strong Belwas are suspicious, and that he fears Illyrio will be the one to betray her for gold. He then sexually assaults her, which Daenerys interprets as a sign of deep love, and loudly proclaims to all present that he will be the one to betray her for love.

Daenerys and Jorah decide on a plan. They will take a detour to Qohor and recruit a force of soldiers called the Unsullied, who are known to have repelled a force of 50,000 Dothraki with just 3,000 men. After all, it can't hurt to have a loyal force when they go see Illyrio.

Not much to say here. Lots of recapping, a fair bit of backstory, and Jorah being a colossal prick which Daenerys forgives due to loyalty or something.

Also, Daenerys apparently is in the habit of sleeping naked with one of her handmaidens, who is also naked. Make of that what you will.

Chapter 9: Bran

In what is fast becoming a trend with Bran, we open in the wolf dream. Summer kills a bunch of lessers wolves to steal their carcasse, and then Hodor wakes up Bran and Jojen scolds him for neglecting his training in favour of fun. Jojen, Meera, and Bran discuss what to do next; since Jojen taught Bran all he can, they need to find a better teacher. Bran decides they'll go north to the Wall and find that three-eyed crow, but they'll have to sneak there to avoid bounty hunters finding out that he's still alive.

Again, there is little to say on this chapter. Hodor is suddenly acting all silly and daft due to being retarded, which is weird, because he never acted this way before, but then I suppose that's just because he has more screen time now.

Chapter 10: Davos

The ship takes Davos back to Dragonmount, where Davos meets Salladhor Saan. Salladhor tells him what happened after Stannis lost the battle; several of his sons are dead and/or missing, but his youngest, Devan, is still alive. Salladhor has been made lord of Blackwater Bay in payment for his services, and has been seizing all the smuggler ships that pass by to rebuild his merchant navy. He advises Davos that if he's going to kill Melisandre, he should at least wait until he's not emaciated and delirious any more. Davos, for his part, intends to kill Melisandre post haste, seeing it as the right thing to do for the great and mighty and awesome Stannis.

As for Stannis himself, he's locked himself in his room and is only seeing Melisandre. He isn't eating, so presumably Melisandre is feeding him her placenta or something. For some reason, I just got a mental image of Melisandre sucking Stannis off and nourishing herself on his sperm. Yeah, I have a pretty sick mind.

Davos tries to reach Melisandre's room, and chats to Edric Storm on the way. Before he can get any further, he is arrested by Axell Florent for trying to assassinate Melisandre.

Dun dun DUUUN!

The plot advances nicely here. Davos returns to his home base, has some reunions, and then gets arrested. Now, all he has to do is break out of prison and kill Melisandre to keep things moving.

Edric seems to be getting important. I wonder if Martin intends him to be a major player later in some way other than proving that Joffrey is a bastard of incest.

Chapter 11: Jaime

Jaime, Brienne, and Cleos stop at an inn which was taken over by a dude who happened to find it empty, and also brought in his wife and an orphan boy they came across. Jaime acts all smug and snarky, but I'm finding that his snark is starting to get appealing, almost up to the levels of Tyrion and early Jon. In fact, since Tyrion is a confirmed rapist, Jaime might turn out to be the coolest member of the Lannister family, which considering he's a smarmy incester is saying a lot.

The innkeeper and boy serve up some horse steaks and stale bread, and the innkeeper adivses them very strongly to stay on the Kingsroad if they want to avoid bandits. When they say no, he takes a suspiciously strong interest in the route they do intend to take, and advises them that they'd be better off going southeast through a wood. Brienne buys the last three horses he owns, and surprises Jaime by taking the best for herself and giving the one that can barely walk to the important captive who must not escape.

Brienne announces they're going southwest, as the inkeeper was clearly intending to send them into the path of some bandits. Jaime agrees, and is snarkily impressed by Brienne's cunning.

That night, after Cleos nods off, Brienne and Jaime talk. Brienne thinks that Jaime is a vile monster for killing the man he was sworn to protect and shagging his sister. Jaime claims he can't see why she hates him personally, since he hasn't done anything to her. Brienne wonders why Jaime took the Kingsguard oaths; Jaime glibly says he was young and honoured, then does one of those Wonder Years things where he stares off into space and ponders his backstory.

: Basically, the first time Tywin was Hand of the King, he intended to marry Cersei to one of the Targaryens. Jaime was bethrothed to Lysa Tully, and knew that if they married, he would be away from Cersei forever. Hence, he decided to join the Kingsguard so they couls stay together. Tywin could not openly oppose this, so he resigned from Handship and returned to Casterly Rock, taking Cersei with him. Jaime was all sad and stuff.

Then he snaps out of his reverie and makes some noise about how Aerys was a great big meanie-pants. Brienne doesn't accept this as an excuse, and so Jaime taunts her about how her story of Renly being killed by a shadow is silly.

Jaime goes to sleep and dreams about how he killed Aerys Rossart, the last of Aerys' Hands and an alchemist who was almost as obsessed with fire as the king. Jaime snuck into the throne room, ran Aerys through, and then couldn't decide whether Robert or Viserys would make a worse king, especially since both of them had Aerys' blood. As it happened, Eddard was the next through the door, and we know how things went from there.

There is quite a lot of character building for Jaime here. OK, sure, he's a smarmy git, but he does seem to have some genuine emotions beneath the surface, and his love might even be admirable if it wasn't directed at his sister. The way he talks about it, it sounds like he had a very good reason to kill Aerys as well, perhaps one that has yet to be told. That said, it might be that he always intended to kill Aerys, and was just waiting for hte right time.

Chapter 12: Tyrion

Tyrion pays a visit to Varys, who in contrast to his flamboyantly camp mannerisms, has a bedroom that the Spartans would consider bare and in need of some decoration. He apparently sleeps on a block of stone due to a bad back. Hmm, can't say I've ever encountered that in a fantasy book; the closes I've ever seen is Miss Honey in Matilda who said that a hard surface is good for the back, and she only slept on the floor because she was poor. That there is another example of Martin working in the kind everyday in‌convenience most people don't think about.

It seems that Pycelle has been restored to the post of Grand Maester to avoid the Conclave sending another Tyrell to the high council. The way they talk about it suggests that the Conclave makes a big deal about how meritocratic they are and how birth counts for much less than ability, but they hypocritically do value nobles more than peasants, and though allegedly apolitical, they intend to gain influence by appointing one who will side with the Tyrells against the Lannisters should it come down to blows. That, I suppose, is how such a society would operate in reality.

The Kingsdguard has been shuffled a bit, and Cersei has been implying that she would be willing to have sex with Osmund Kettleblack, which has won him the loyalty Tyrion can never gain. Tyrion hopes to arrange for Tywin to walk in on them.

Tyrion goes to see Shae one last time before he sends her away. On the way, he stops to chat with Loras, wondering why he joined the Kingsguard. Loras brushes him off with talk of how honourable it all is.

He has sex with Shae, then orders her to leave King's Landing for her own safety. Shae doesn't want to go, and wants to attend the wedding feast, which Symon told her about. They argue a bit and Tyrion leaves, telling Bronn to find Symon.

Lot of setup here; let's hope Martin isn't too long with the payoff.

Chapter 13: Arya

Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie are digging up vegetables from a dead man's garden when they get accosted by three bandits, who claims to sere King Robert. Yes, they know he's dead thank you very much, but they're still king's men. Arya is upset that she thought she was a badass swordfighter, but the chap with the arrows puts her to shame. The bandits - Lem, Tom, and Anguy - offer to take the kids to a nearby inn for a hot meal.

Wait a minute. These are bandits in the woods. They know of an inn nearby run by friends. It's on the way to Riverrun. Could this be the same inn that Brienne and friends stopped at two chapters ago?

The kids reluctantly agree, and set off. Tom decides to sing a song, and Arya protests that they'll be spotted. Tom retorts that they know the woods like the back of their proverbial hands, and are well aware of who might be there. Hot Pie decides to sing - oh Satan - "The Bear and the Maiden Fair". Fortunately, Martin spares us all but the first few sentences. Apparently Hot Pie has a good voice.

They come to the inn, and yes, it's the same one. Arya thinks they can steal the boat that Brienne left, but Gendry points out that they can't possibly sail against the current. We meet the man's wife, Sharna, who is the official inkeeper here, and it's clear that she wears the pants in this marriage. Husband's dialogue confirms that Brienne and Jaime's suspicions about him were correct.

Food comes out, and Hot Pie complains about the quality of the bread, then starts explaining how to do it right. The bandits decide they're going to take the kids' horses, for the good of the realm, honest, but then Harwin, one of Robb's subjects, bursts in with a squad of soldiers and recognises Arya.

Well, that was easy. I guess it's going to be plain sailing for Arya from here on out. I have to wonder what Robb will do with Gendry.

Chapter 14: Catelyn

Oh, great, another Catelyn chapter.

Anyway, a few days ago, a bunch of knights trampled on Robb's banners and buggered off for some reason. Today, Robb returns to Riverrun, and Catelyn hopes he'll be able to get her pardoned what with being a king and all.

Robb gives a return speech, and has Catelyn attend. He warns that, while they achieved great victories over the Lannisters, Tywin will attack the North again. When he finishes, he meets with Catelyn and Edmure, though looks rather distracted and apprehensive.

Robb, what did you do?

Catelyn argues with Rickard Karstark over whether getting two of her children back safely is more important than getting vengeance for the two of Rickard's kids that Jaime killed. Robb says that, while Catelyn didn't do the right thing, he understands why she did it, and make vague words about how he's recently learned that love can make someone take irrational choices.

Robb, what did you do?

Robb summons Catelyn, Edmure, and his other uncles to a private audience to discuss mysterious matters of mysterious importance. Also in attendance are six strangers who seem to have attached themselves to Robb.

OK, seriously Robb, what did you do?

The newcomers are representatives of House Westerling, a minor house allied with the Lannisters. He's taken one of them, Rollam, as his squire.

He then introduced Catelyn to Jeyne Westerling. His wife.

Oh boy. Walder Frey's not going to like that.

Come to think of it, this ties together a few mysteries from earlier in the book. The men who trampled on the banner were led by a Frey, so evidently they heard what was going on and abandoned Robb. I'm guessing those important letters Tywin was writing earlier were probably to Walder, seeking to join with him after this insult.

Hey, a Catelyn chapter where stuff happens and we've so far been spared all the angst. Nice going, Martin!

Anyway, Catelyn thinks that Robb's talk about folloes done in the name of love has cleverly manoeuvred her into a position where, in order to save face, she must support his decision. Robb, you clever bas... uh, bugger, clever bugger. Jon is the bastard.

Jeyne plays the sweet young queen and nonverbally begs for Catelyn's blessing. Catelyn thinks she has a good pair of hips and will be well able to bear children.

Edmure takes their new guests to find rooms, and Catelyn berates Robb for losing the support of Walder Frey. Robb tells her his story; with the aid of the Freys, they took the Crag, which is seat of the Westerlings. Robb was injured, and Jeyne nursed him back to health. Stuff happened, and they ended up having sex; Robb figured that the only honourable thing to do was marry her.

Robb rues the fact that he thought the battles would be the hard part, yet that's the one thing he managed not to botch. Catelyn continues to berate him, saying that Robb has betrayed his oath, insulted him by marrying into a lesser house, and don't even think about arguing that the Westerlings are an ancient house, because the Freys don't like how the other nobles look down on them as upstarts!

At Brynden Blackfish's suggestion, they move into an audience chamber, and Catelyn wonders where Grey Wind is. Robb says he left him outside, as he scares Jeyne, and is always snarling at her uncle Rolph. At that, Catelyn insists that Robb send Rolph away, as they can't trust anyone who Grey Wind dislikes. Uh, Catelyn, that's true and all, but it's rather a leap of logic, don't you think?

When they get to the audience chamber, Edmure and Brynden come in, and Robb and Brynden chew out Edmure for ruining their strategy. Edmure protests that he did good in owning Tywin, and Robb angrily retorts that they wanted Tywin's army to cross the river so that their mounted men could trap Tywin's infantry in a pincer movement, all the while living off the fruits of Lannister soil. Unfotunately, due to Edmure's delay, riders reached Tywin in time to tell him about the situation at King's Landing, and so he retreated. If Edmure had let him past, Tywin would have been cut off from King's Landing and could not have arrived with reinforcements to force Stannis back, and all the while Robb would have been able to chip away at his forces.

This illustrates the difference between strategy and tactics. Edmure is a great tactician, but evidently knows little of strategy. Robb, by contrast, appears to know quite a bit of strategy, and is a good tactician on top of that. However, they could probably have avoided this if Robb had been a little more forthcoming with Edmure about his strategy; as it stands, he seems to have kept Edmure in the dark for no reason, with the result that Edmure made a sensible decision using the information available to him that ultimately probably cost Team Robb the war. Ouch. Now that's tragic.

Anyway, they talk a bit more about the war, and how the Lannisters and Tyrells will attack again soon after the wedding feast. Robb wonders if there is something he can give Walder to win him back, and Catelyn says there is someone suitable, at which point we go to commercial.