Previously on Star Trek: The Next Generation
Troper49 fought some birds, delivered a parcel, got a Pokedex, and be tripping some balls. Now let’s continue with this pretty shitty liveblog…
Oh my god, I’ve never seen this Pokemon before. It’s a pokemon that looks like a regular rat… except its purple. Its name is Rattata. I really don’t like rats, and I REALLY DON’T LIKE RATTATA! Sorry, I just don’t care for Rattata. I mean he doesn’t have any interesting moves. He can’t learn any H Ms, and he’s just too normal for my tastes. Sorry, Rattata, but my Bulbasaur is going to whip your purple ass. Bulbasaur use Leech Seed and absorb the fuck out of Rattata. Wow, already in the Yellow Zone. OK, Bulbasaur use Tackle. Sweet! In the Red Zone! And with the Leech Seed still going, he should be fainting… right… about… now. Yeah, go Bulbasaur! You beat the retarded Rattata.
You know something. I’ve gone THREE EPISODES without getting a new Pokemon and it seems I’m going to face tougher and tougher challenges. So, maybe, I should get myself another ally to the team. Yeah… today, in this liveblog, I’M GOING TO CATCH MY FIRST POKEMON! Now, let’s get another Wild Pokemon encounter and see if I catch my first Po… What the…
Oh, sweet, a Pidgey. Maybe, I could make that the first Pokemon I catch. OK, Bulbasaur use Tackle. OK, Pidgey’s in the Yellow area. One more tackle could put the pokemon in the red making me able to catch it. OK, Bulbasaur use Tackle. WAIT! WHAT? CRITICAL HIT! NO! Wait, Pidgey, no. Don’t faint. DANGIT! Fuck, Pidgey fainted. Oh, well. Maybe, another Pidgey will appear. I just need to go through the grass. Oh, the game is flashing for a Wild Pokemon battle. Could I get a Pidgey? No, it’s just another stupid Rattata. OK, I killed that rat. Oh, it’s flashing, again. Can I now get a Pidgey? NO! Another Rattata. OK, NOW GET ME A PIDGEY? NO, A MOTHER FUCKING RATTATA! I guess I got to kill this one, to… Holy shit… I’m in the red zone. Better get out of here.
So, I pressed “Run” during on the Battle Menu and I ran the heck out of the grass to Viridian City, again. So, I healed my Bulbasaur in the Pokemon Center. Then, I decided to go to the infamous old man whom tells the trainer how to catch Pokemon, because frankly I think I need some help. Sad as that sounds. OK, so the old geezer is battling a wild Weedle with no Pokemon. Yeah, that’s smart. OK, now, grab your only Pokeball to try to catch the Weedle WITHOUT DAMAGING ANY OF HIS HP. I see. Yes and this geezer managed to capture the pokemon, too. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK? OK, so after this genius over here gives me that really informative lesson, the geezer decided to give me a Teachy TV. Yeah, like I’ll ever use that stupid thing.
Wait a sec! Isn’t there a gym in Viridian City! Yeah, there is. Maybe, I can go, there, and grab my first gym badge. Wait, what did you say old man? The gym is closed. Dangit. Well, back to trying to catch my first Pokemon. I decided to go to Route 22, hoping to catch an “interesting” pokemon to my team. I was going through some Tall Grass to get the “interesting” pokemon, when suddenly; the “interesting” Pokemon appeared. The pokemon was a creature with white fur covering his body, a noticeably pink snout, and skinny arms and legs. This was a Mankey. I needed to get that pokemon. I NEEDED TO! So, I must be careful. Go, Bulbasaur. You use Tackle, Bulbasaur. Mankey responded with Leer. One more tackle to make the Pokemon vulnerable enough to catch. Tackle it, Bulbasaur. Sweet! Right in the red zone! Better go into my bag and catch the pokemon. I throw the ball at the Mankey and I pray that I catch the thing while the ball turns left and right. Come on. Come on. Come on. YES! I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON! FINALLY!
Hmm… there’s a path above the patch of grass, I wonder what this path leads to… Woah! It’s Green, my arch-rival! It seems he’s returned for another embarrassing defeat. They never learn. OK, so Green took out his Pidgey. HA! A lame ass Pidgey, he doesn’t sound a chance against my Bulbasaur. Use Leech Seed, Bulbasaur. Oh, a stupid little Tackle. HA! Green, you’re done. OK, Bulbasaur return with Tackle. You’re screwed now, Pidgey. Oh, another stupid Tackle attack, Pidgey. That will never affect… WHAT THE! WAIT! NO! CRITICAL HIT! WAIT! CRITICAL! WHAT! CRITICAL! WHAT! CRITICAL HIT! NO! WHAT! CRITICAL HIT! NO! WHY?!?!?!?
No, Bulbasaur, No. Don’t faint on me. NO! Why did it have to be a Critical Hit? WHY?!? OK, I can still win with my Mankey, right. Oh wait! Mankey’s still in the Red Zone. I’M SCREWED! But I have no choice. Go Mankey. Use Scratch. OK, it did some damage. But Pidgey faints the poor Mankey. No. I can’t believe this. I lost to my rival. My pokemon have suffered horribly. AND I HAVE TO GIVE MY HARD-EARNED MONEY TO THIS DOUCHE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I was apparently so pissed off, that I fainted myself. For some strange reason, I woke up in the Pokemon Center. I decided to heal my Pokemon. Wow. That was fairly humiliating defeat. However, that defeat made me learn something. I SHOULD NEVER GO INTO BATTLE WITH SOME POTIONS! I ended up rushing to the Poke Mart and bought 5 potions. Dang. Green thinks he’s won that battle. Well, he hasn’t. I just need to train my Pokemon better… and I know the perfect place to train. THE VIRIDIAN FOREST! Yes, that’ll be my plan. I’ll voyage through the Viridian Forest. Then, I’ll go to Pewter City and defeat the Gym Leader, Brock. By the time I finish that, my pokemon will sure to be strong enough to defeat Green. So to the Viridian Forest I go!
Quick Tip: You know that tree you see when you first enter the Viridian Forest. Well, if you press “B” in a certain spot, you’ll get yourself an Antidote. Now, won’t that be pretty helpful.
Oh, time for some Pokemon training. I better get into the Tall Grass. Yep, the training begins. The first Pokemon I meet appears. It is a green bug pokemon with yellow mouth and belly and a pinkish “Y” on top of his eyes. It’s a Caterpie. OK, come out, Mankey! Oh, Caterpie uses String Shot, huh. Epic Fail. OK, well, Mankey use Scratch. Critical Hit! Caterpie be fainting. Epic Win. Sweet! What’s the next challenge? OK, it’s a tan cocoon pokemon with black eyes and a weird tie. Meet Kakuna. Honestly, Kakuna sucks. I mean the only move he knows is “HARDEN”. It’s not even an attack; it just loses some of your stats a little. Unless you evolve it from a Weedle, it’s useless. My Bulbasaur can beat the shit out of this Kakuna. Bulbasaur use Leech Seed. OK, that’s nice. Now, switch to Mankey. OK, Mankey scratch the stupid cocoon. Sweet, now absorb it. Sweet, Kakuna fainted. Go team! OK, next Pokemon. Shit, another stupid cocoon Pokemon. This one is a green Pokemon and frankly, I have no idea which side has its’ face. It’s Metapod. Like Kakuna, it can only learn Harden, unless you evolve it from Caterpie. So, yeah, Metapod is just as useless. Mankey beat the shit out of that green shell. Sweet, Mankey even leveled up from the battles. I’m making progress. NOW, LET’S CONTINUE THE TRAINING…
Five Minutes Later…
Sweet! I’ve been battling Caterpies, Metapods, and TONS OF KAKUNAS!!! Seriously, you have no idea how many Kakunas I’ve battled. Now, you might be wondering. Hey, Red isn’t there, another kind of Pokemon in these woods. And you’d be right. The pokemon I’ve been avoiding for fear of it poisoning my pokemon is Kakuna’s pre-evolution, Weedle. Seriously, Red doesn’t have some cool Running Shoes yet. So, he cannot dash quickly to the Pokemon Center without the poisoned pokemon fainting. Thank god, I’m not doing a Nuzlocke Challenge. Anyway, what’s the next pokemon? A FUCKING WEEDLE! Just my luck. Aw fuck it. I’ll take on this challenge. Go Mankey! Use Scratch! OK, doing some damage. Oh shit, Weedle’s using Poison Sting. Mankey doesn’t seem to be poisoned yet. OK, Mankey, Scratch the Weedle, again. I see, another Poison Sting. Oh shit, he poisoned, better KO the Weedle and get to the Pokemon Center quickly. Mankey use Scratch, one last time! Sweet, you K Oed Weedle!
Now, I got to get out of this forest and run to the Pokemon Center, quickly. Come on, Red, MOVE FASTER! Stop walking, start running! God dangit, I’ll be so happy when I finally get the Running Shoes. Oh great, my Mankey fainted. Thanks a lot, stupid short legs! Come on, how long does it take for you to walk to the fucking Pokemon Center.
5 Minutes Later…
Finally, I got to heal my awesome little Mankey. So, I guess I’ll end things, here. Well, looks like I got my first pokemon, how awesome is that? Well, next time on my liveblog, I’ll be voyaging through the Viridian Forest, battle a Gym Leader in Pewter City and then... I’LL GET MY REVENGE ON GREEN! So, until then, I better get into the grass…
TO BE CONTINUED…
Trainer Profile
Name: Red
Money: 1524 Pokedollars
Time: 1:23
Badges: None Yet
Current Pokemon Team
Bulbasaur
Type: Grass/Poison
Level: 8
Moves: Tackle, Growl, Leech Seed
Mankey
Type: Fighting
Level: 4
Moves: Scratch, Leer
