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Ezekiel2011-02-18 18:44:22

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Fantastic Four #536-537: Doom Be Not Proud

We open six months ago with a scene of a blazing object streaking through space, accompanied by narration telling us that it's only a few feet in size, and that if it miraculously survives entry into the atmosphere, it's about to hit Oklahoma. Scientists apparently spent about half an hour puzzling over it, despite the fact that it obviously has no major significance.

This is pretty much all there is to it.

It manages to down a plane on the way, which the narration tells us is "another story for another time". I honestly don't know what story it's referring to, but that seems a little callous. Shortly thereafter, the object touches down with a fiery explosion. They seem to be trying to be mysterious about what the object is, which is undercut by the facts that 1. it's clearly supernatural, or several of the things that just happened wouldn't have been possible, 2. the cover featured a gauntleted hand grasping Mjolnir, the hammer of Thor, Norse god of lightning, and 3. the issue is titled "The Hammer Falls".

So we skip to "Six months later. Right now." Reed Richards returns home after the Illuminati meeting from the end of the previous issue, gets himself a sandwich, and sits down to watch the news. Sue enters the room and says she didn't hear him come in, to which he replies that he didn't want to wake her. Uh, wait, both those statements can't be true. If he didn't want to wake her, he wouldn't have turned on the news to a volume that would make more noise than his entry, unless he's an idiot (though I'll admit it's plausible), and if she didn't hear him, why did she walk into the room right after he sat down?

Simpler explanation: Reed Richards is a dick who slams doors in the middle of the night and his wife is too polite to say anything.

Not too polite to do this, though.

Sue wants to know how the Illuminati meeting went, which I guess means Reed told her about the Secret Council of Secretive Secrecy. Reed wants to know why Namor is there - wait, no, it looks like he decided to have a flashback without telling us. The next page is straight from the Illuminati meeting that we just saw, so let's move on.

We see a news report about Tony Stark and Peter Parker meeting with the Senate. Stark makes an ominous statement about "options" and Sue starts worrying about the reporter's mention of a Registration Act. Reed starts to explain something but they're interrupted by someone calling them from the other room.

Turns out it's a transmission from Princess Leia, I mean General William Ray, on the big videoscreen. Apparently there's a problem in - surprise - Oklahoma that only the Fantastic Four can handle. I'm guessing Gen. Ray couldn't reach the Avengers with Stark off in Washington, but he says he got the FF's number from SHIELD, probably the most powerful paramilitary force in the country, why not ask them to help? Sure the Four have, well, fantastic powers but that doesn't mean they're as good as an army, and he claims it's a matter of national security so surely that fits with SHIELD's job description.

Well, whatever the case, Reed promptly wakes the other two and they head to Oklahoma, despite Ben Grimm's rather reasonable protest that there's nothing IN Oklahoma. Apparently, that's changed a bit over the course of six months, as there is now a military-run laboratory, that's something, which coincidentally is on fire, also something. Also there's an army of Doombots, which is in fact something.

Incidentally, can anybody explain Reed and Sue's expressions in the panel to the left? I just can't figure out what the artist could possibly have been going for. Seriously, I can read The Question's expression better than that.

The heroes are shocked that Latveria is attacking, but really it's not all that surprising since that's pretty much what they do for fun. So the heroes make themselves known, and they instantly start with the time-honored tactic of "split up to fight the enemies that vastly outnumber you". Did I mention all those enemies are Doom? That seems like an important factor.

Somehow, it seems to work, until Reed notices that the enemies are fighting moronically, like the dumb way a stupid idiot fights. He asks an unnamed officer for a tactical display, only to be informed that the Doombots have been destroying radar and battlefield imaging systems since they got here and destroyed the last system two minutes ago. And that's our cue, everybody:

Yeah, apparently it didn't cross a single officer's mind that something might be up if the Buffoon Brigade started by wiping out their radar. Reed pretty much realizes what's going on immediately and tells everyone to take cover.

Then he does this.

I'm so glad. I'm glad he did that and I got to see it. Aren't you glad too?

A missile hits the lab, destroying it. And nothing else. Somehow. None of the people are harmed, the land around where the lab was isn't razed... well, there is a crater, but technically that was already there.

Reed is surveying the damage when suddenly, Doom appears. As in, the actual Doctor Doom. Who was last seen in Hell. Oh, don't worry, he's going to explain it. Right now he reveals that he's come for what's in the crater, which in a dramatic and shocking revelation, turns out to be... Mjolnir.

Dear writers: If you want to end an issue on a surprise twist, please do not put it on the front cover.

The next issue opens with an extreme close-up on Doom's eyes. There are a lot of those in this issue.

Reed asks Doom how the hell he got the hell out of Hell.

Extreme close-up on Doom's eyes.

Flashback TO an extreme close-up on Doom's eyes. A few panels of Doom shown at various angles monologuing about his damaged gear and the army of demons in front of him. Medium close-up on Doom's head and shoulders. Doom bellows to the demons about how he's going to kill them. The wheel of fate is turning, Rebel 1, Action. Suddenly Doom is saved by a Deus ex Machina which happens to also be a Gotterdammerung.

Close-up on Doom's eyes.

A bolt of energy streaks across the depths of Hell and Doom jumps in after hesitating just long enough to observe that there's no time to hesitate. It turns out hell-piercing bolts of energy aren't comfortable things to ride in. Medium close-up on Doom reaching for the source of the energy. Extreme close-up on Doom's eyes. Doom realizes that it's Thor's hammer, and it's at about that point when they arrive back on Earth, which apparently means Doom no longer has the ability to ride the lightning. He crashes to the ground and lies there, comically, moaning about losing a source of ultimate power.

Cut to Latveria, ten days later. The Prime Minister is scheming to use the Doombots for his own purposes, and says a few mildly insulting things about Doom in the process. Doom, as it turns out, was hiding among the Doombots - or I assume that's what happened, there is no indication of how he entered the scene. In any case he casually grabs the Prime Minister by the throat and strangles him, orders two members of his staff to track down the hammer, and goes to take a bath. Extreme close-up on Doom's eyes.

End flashback with, yes, an extreme close-up on Doom's eyes. Doom brushes off Reed and steps into the crater while the Doombots move in for the kill. It's at this point that Ben comes charging in, and Reed flings him into the crater to stop Doom. This accomplishes basically nothing, as they trade a few blows before Doom blinds Ben and goes for the hammer. Then this happens.

After that fades, we see the Four slowly recovering, and Doom... staring in shock at the hammer, which he can't budge. He monologues very briefly about how he was wrong.

Close-up on the side of his face.

Doom leaves, shouting that he doesn't need the power of a Norse god. Sue asks if Johnny can follow him, but no, there is pretty much no chance of that happening. They call down to Ben to see if he's alright, and the issue ends with a panel of Ben trying to dislodge the hammer on the logic that, hey, wouldn't anyone? Oh, the tomfoolery! Cue letters pa-

Wait, no. After the letters page, it continues in a city somewhere, with Ben's narration box saying "Because after all... it has ta belong ta somebody." News stations have apparently perfected technology to send broadcasts via rain, as a report on a flash that lit up the sky in Oklahoma plays everywhere in the city with no obvious radios around. Meanwhile, a man buys a one-way bus ticket to Oklahoma. The woman selling the tickets seems confused by this, probably because nobody buys one-way tickets to Oklahoma even when it's not under alien attack. And so the issue ends with the news-rain saying, "Something major is coming to Oklahoma."

Ominous...?

Comments

EponymousKid Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 18th 2011 at 6:52:31 PM
You know what's funny? Asgard is (was?) in Oklahoma, and the only major pro sports franchise there is the Oklahoma City Thunder.
JusticeMan Since: Dec, 1969
May 25th 2011 at 8:47:56 AM
I thought the were just in the base, not all Radios in the city. and I think it's kinda cool that Reed can do the whole Cushion Bubble thing. I should make that a trope.
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