Ruber and his men attack, as do some plant monsters, and thus we get a Little Shop of Horrors reference. Nice. As Ruber is trapped, Cynder speaks using some text that you have to pause the video to read.
Meanwhile, Kayley’s mum and Kairi are on the wagon, and Kairi asks Mufasa and Master Oogway to protect her friends. They both get mocked by one of Ruber’s minions, but you’d mock someone who worships an animated lion and an animated turtle.
Our heroes take shelter in a cave, while Banzai complains about the state of his posterior. Ed laughs, which causes a fight between him and Banzai, and Shenzi tries to restore order. Yeah, that’s telling the villain leage, they sure are uuugly.
And now Spongebob’s having a moment of self-doubt. Well, at least he’s finally doing something. He decides to go home, which is gonna be hard considering the sentient plants and monsters about, but nobody said he was a genius. In fact, Spongebob acknowledges he’s a fool. Since he was created to be an amusing idiot, this seems something of an existential crisis. Imagine if more goofy characters found out they had no other purpose than to be goofy. They were not meant to achieve great things, or to save the world, but merely to annoy and frustrate. If I found that out, I’d likely kill myself. I mean, I have dreams of achieving something – not something big, just something – and if I was just put on this earth to be silly...digressing again.
Sam offers to cheer up Spongebob with a story...oh great, even Max admits this’ll be a Big Lipped Alligator Moment. The story is basically The Road to El Dorado with Sam and Max and Brandy and Mr Whiskers shoved in, so I won’t say much about it...
Geez, how long is this story?
Come on, we want to see the leage’s plan reach fruition and the vicious demons devour everyone’s souls!
Then the story gets interrupted by Mufasa. That’s right. And he isn’t mad at Shenzi for aiding in killing him. Oh, and Oogway comes too. So they are deities. Let’s sacrifice virgins in their name.
Mufasa and Oogway are here to warn the Lougers that there seems to be more to the villain’s schemes than meets the eye. Apparently Cobra intends to awake an army known as the ‘Drak spawn’, which is the cue for Sephiroth’s theme over some poorly lit CGI footage. And that footage goes on and on and onandonandonimgoingmadwhatisthisthismaybegeniusoridiocyorisitallpartofmymind
Then we hear Alan Rickman speak of the universe and HELPIMAFISHNOW? Yes, another song. Quest for Camelot wasn’t originally supposed to be a musical, now it has songs up the wazoo. Okay, this one’s pretty catchy.
With that number out of the way, Oogway vamooses. Couldn’t he have just said the dark spawn will return without that palava?
And then we have a love song between Garret and Kayley. So much insanity, yet you can only say so little about it.
I’m now beginning to wonder if this film is stupid or I’m stupid for not acknowledging its hidden meaning. It feels as confusing as an Imaperson video, yet it makes sense in some unreal way.
OH FUCK ANOTHER LAUGH MONTAGE. And during a musical number too. Well, it’s not a very good number, so it should be distracted from, but not like this.
Later, the crew go after some footprints of whatever stole Excalibur, with Cynder tracking them all the way. ‘What’s so scary about orges?’ I hope that’s a misspelling of ogre...oh, it is. I’m going to avoid the obvious juvenile joke then. So the badly-rendered ogre passes by, and the Madagascar penguins plan a stratagem. Because the clock. Is. TICKING. I haven’t seen that show and now I don’t want to. Batty is afraid though, so that girl from Digimon coaxes him into going. I doubt a manic bat would be useful in this situation, but whatever you say.
So they’re going through the ogre’s cave, and Banzai grabs a bite to eat. Shenzi tells him they have a job to do, and while her text sounds serious, her spoken phrases sound playful. I guess she’s gone schizophrenic from the madness of this vid. Suddenly, some evil baboons pursue the heroes and...
We get some Spyro gameplay footage. Big long gameplay footage of Spyro beating up the baboons to elongate the film. When did this turn into a LP?
When the ‘orge’ uses the sword as a toothpick, this gives an excuse for a penguin to become a paper shredder. Okay. The ogre falls asleep and so Devon, Cornwall, Garret and Kayley try to grab the sword, without those lazy-ass shell lougers helping. Maybe louge is a misspelling of lounge. That Icky or Crane could fly down and grab the sword, or one of the Fearsome Five could use their kung fu prowess to obtain it, but no, let the movie’s main characters do the work.
Ruber and Cynder appear and Cynder demands her troops stop the heroes from getting the sword. Thus, she sends out some armadillos. Gee, I hope they aren’t biomechanical and tweet about how much humans suck. No, this is more Spyro gameplay footage. It’s boring, and this is from someone who made a twenty-minute video utilising mostly gameplay footage.
‘They popped out of the dirt! Like daisies!’ Um, ha?
‘Who planted monkey seeds?’ Heh?
‘How meny monkeys can fit underground?’ Wait, I know this one...
