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* NoExceptYes: One reversed, one regular, right after each other.
-->'''Alucard:''' See, that ''would'' be intimidating, if you were... well, intimidating.
-->'''Vampire priest:''' Are you mocking me!?
-->'''Alucard:''' Oh, no! No, no, no... *pfft* Yeah. [Shoots him]
-->'''Alucard:''' See, that ''would'' be intimidating, if you were... well, intimidating.
-->'''Vampire priest:''' Are you mocking me!?
-->'''Alucard:''' Oh, no! No, no, no... *pfft* Yeah. [Shoots him]
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Bigger Is Better is an index
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* {{BFG}} [=/=] BiggerIsBetter: "Bitches love cannons!"
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* {{BFG}} [=/=] BiggerIsBetter: {{BFG}}: "Bitches love cannons!"
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* [[CaptainObvious Major Obvious]]: The Major:
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
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* [[CaptainObvious Major Obvious]]: The Major:
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
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* CrowningMomentOfIndifference: Pretty much every time Alucard interacts with anything other than his 70-Inch Plasma Screen TV or WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
-->'''Vampire priest''': Everyone else is already dead! Except this little tart (Seras)...But trust me, I still plan to kill her...
-->'''Alucard''': Mmmh-hm.
-->'''Vampire priest''': But first I'm going to [[RapeAsDrama rape]] her!
-->'''Alucard''': Nnnneat.
-->'''Vampire priest''': Everyone else is already dead! Except this little tart (Seras)...But trust me, I still plan to kill her...
-->'''Alucard''': Mmmh-hm.
-->'''Vampire priest''': But first I'm going to [[RapeAsDrama rape]] her!
-->'''Alucard''': Nnnneat.
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* {{Defictionalization}}: Follow Alucard [[https://twitter.com/TheCrimsonFuckr @TheCrimsonFuckr]].
** Seras has one now too: [[https://twitter.com/BT_PoliceGirl @BT_Police Girl]].
** And Integra: [[https://twitter.com/Sir_Integra @Sir_Integra]].
** Seras has one now too: [[https://twitter.com/BT_PoliceGirl @BT_Police Girl]].
** And Integra: [[https://twitter.com/Sir_Integra @Sir_Integra]].
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* TheOtherDarrin: In the first episode, Walter is voiced by LittleKuriboh. The second and third episodes replaces him with WeeklyTubeShow.
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* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The [[EyesDoNotBelongThere eyes]] on Alucard's first-restraint-released form were at one point planned to be digitally replaced with [[WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged Mr. Popo faces]], but this was abandoned for being too difficult to edit.
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-->'''Police Girl:''' [[CatchPhrase Bitches love cannons!]]
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--> '''Anderson:''' *''grins''* Ah, just try to fucking stop me!
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--> '''Anderson:''' *''grins''* [[SlasherSmile *''grins''*]] Ah, just try to fucking fuckin' stop me!
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--> '''Allucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLiner Apparently, it's great!]]
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--> '''Allucard:''' '''Alucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLiner Apparently, it's great!]]
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One missing letter broke a link.
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--> '''Allucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLine Apparently, it's great!]]
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--> '''Allucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLine [[PreAssKickingOneLiner Apparently, it's great!]]
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* MuggingTheMonster: The vampire priest from the first episode, who decided to try and kill Alucard because he assumed Alucard had come to stop him. In fact, Alucard was just having one of his 'enthousiastic walks'.
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* RedOniBlueOni: Alucard & Walter (their outfits are even colored appropriately), as well as Jan & Luke Valentine. As it happens, the red oni of both teams end up fighting the blue oni of the other, much to the latter's annoyance.
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* ShootingSuperman:
--> '''Allucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLine Apparently, it's great!]]
--> '''Allucard:''' [Walks in the middle of a SWAT team] Hey guys, how's your health plan? [SWAT team opens fire on him] [[PreAssKickingOneLine Apparently, it's great!]]
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* DarkerAndEdgier: More so than TeamFourStar's Dragonball Abridged series, [[ClusterFBomb with more curse-words and obscenities than from a shipload of sailors, completely uncensored]], [[RapeAsComedy rape jokes,]] and of course [[BloodyHilarious all the]] [[BloodierAndGorier blood.]] Unsurprising, given the source material.
to:
* DarkerAndEdgier: More so than TeamFourStar's Dragonball Abridged series, ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'', [[ClusterFBomb with more curse-words and obscenities than from a shipload of sailors, completely uncensored]], [[RapeAsComedy rape jokes,]] and of course [[BloodyHilarious all the]] [[BloodierAndGorier blood.]] Unsurprising, given the source material.
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** To the DragonBallAbridged 'kaio-what' running gag, in Alucard's own powerup sequence:
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** To the DragonBallAbridged ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'' 'kaio-what' running gag, in Alucard's own powerup sequence:
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* RunningGag: Alucard's "walks".
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* RunningGag: Alucard's "walks". Anderson being unable to accurately determine the gender of long haired people. (He thinks Integra is a man and Pip is a woman.)
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What\'s a \"vamprie\"?
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** When Alucard suggests Nazis are behind the vamprie attacks, Integra calls it retarded. ''The scene then introduces the Nazis.''
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** When Alucard suggests Nazis are behind the vamprie vampire attacks, Integra calls it retarded. ''The scene then introduces the Nazis.''
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** When Alucard suggests Nazis are behind the vamprie attacks, Integra calls it retarded. ''The scene then introduces the Nazis.''
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* {{Foreshadowing}}: Alucard likes to end every episode thus far by insisting that the Nazis are behind everything. Integra dismisses this as an idiotic idea, [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight but anyone who knows the show will know how]] WrongGenreSavvy [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight this is]].
to:
* {{Foreshadowing}}: Alucard likes to end every episode thus far by ends the first three episodes insisting that the Nazis are behind everything. Integra dismisses this as an idiotic idea, [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight but anyone who knows the show will know how]] WrongGenreSavvy [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight this is]].is]].
** At one point Alucard offhandedly asks Walter what one of Alucard's favorite things to kill is. Answer: [[spoiler: [[VladTheImpaler The Turks]]]].
** At one point Alucard offhandedly asks Walter what one of Alucard's favorite things to kill is. Answer: [[spoiler: [[VladTheImpaler The Turks]]]].
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** Also the scene, where Alucard kills Rip van Winkle SmashToBlack right when he impales her on her own rifle.
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Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released in October 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012. The fourth was released on November 4th, 2013.
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Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released in October on November 7, 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012. The fourth was released on November 4th, 2013.
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** Note that she's also listed as "Police Girl" ''[[ButtMonkey in the credits.]]''
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* VolleyingInsults: Integra and Maxwell's greeting conversation was a long verbal ping pong game with insults as the ball. Only Alucard throwing at him the most insulting sentence to the whole Catholic Church was able to put a end to it.
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** In Episode 1, Seras briefly gets in on the act by deducing that the reason she can't seduce Anderson is because she's not an 8-year-old boy.
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** "You're going to tell me everything I want to know, or I'm going to have Walter here ''peel your dick like a banana!"''
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* InterplayOfSexAndViolence: Pretty much every character is sexually aroused by war and violence.
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Refrain From Assuming. Also deleting a duplicate entry.
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* MoodDissonance: So what theme did they go with for abridging a series so violent and bloody? "Party, Party, Party" by Music/AndrewWK.
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* MoodDissonance: So what theme did they go with for abridging a series so violent and bloody? "Party, Party, "It's Time to Party" by Music/AndrewWK.
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* INeedAFreakingDrink: Alucard after the fight with Alhambra.
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*** The Germans are also glad she's no longer going on about [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of the winter.]]
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*** The Germans are also glad she's no longer going on about [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic the ponies, ponies,]] [[OhGodWithTheVerbing and the friendship, and the wrapping up of the winter.]]
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* EverythingsBigInTexas: When the Valentine Brothers show up at the Hellsing Headquarters:
-->'''Guard''': Oi! You two, the grounds are currently closed!
-->'''Jan''': Aww, man! That totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through England!
-->'''Guard''': Where from?
-->'''Jan''' [''snaps fingers'']: Texas.
-->''[Bus opens fire.]''
-->'''Guard''': Oi! You two, the grounds are currently closed!
-->'''Jan''': Aww, man! That totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through England!
-->'''Guard''': Where from?
-->'''Jan''' [''snaps fingers'']: Texas.
-->''[Bus opens fire.]''
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-->'''Anderson''': Turns out it was Boo Berry.
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-->'''Anderson''': Turns out it was [[CallBack Boo Berry.Berry]].
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Fixed typo
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* RuleOfFunny: The bases of the shows.
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* RuleOfFunny: The bases basis of the shows.show.
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Namespaces
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* BreadEggsMilkSquick: The sidebar on Alucard's twitter page links to the pages of CrispinFreeman, PatrickSeitz, and adultdvdempire.
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* BreadEggsMilkSquick: The sidebar on Alucard's twitter page links to the pages of CrispinFreeman, PatrickSeitz, Creator/CrispinFreeman, Creator/PatrickSeitz, and adultdvdempire.
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-->'''Alucard''': And ''I'' responded with: '''I KNOCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT!!'''
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-->'''Alucard''': And ''I'' responded with: '''I KNOCKED '''I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT!!'''
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[[quoteright:315:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/hellsingabridgedtitlecard_2540.png]]
->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Bella Swan]]:''' I love you, Edward.\\
'''Edward Cullen:''' [[DullSurprise And I love you, Bella.]]\\
''(There's a knock at the door)''\\
'''Edward:''' Hold on. ''(goes to the door)'' Who is it?\\
'''Alucard:''' Oh, you know. ''([[EstablishingCharacterMoment Shoots Edward to death]])'' [[YourVampiresSuck A REAL fucking vampire!]]
-->--The very first [[BaitAndSwitchCredits actual]] scene of the series.
TheAbridgedSeries of ''Anime/HellsingUltimate'', made by Creator/TeamFourStar. That's about all you need to know.
Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released in October 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012. The fourth was released on November 4th, 2013.
The Character Page is currently on construction. Please contribute if you will.
You can find it [[http://www.youtube.com/user/takahata101/videos?query=Hellsing+Ultimate+Abridged+Episode here]].
!!''Hellsing Ultimate Abridged'' provides example of the following Tropes:
* AccidentalMisnaming:
-->'''Police Girl''': "Okay...Master (Alucard), my name is ''Seras''."
** Although, knowing Alucard being a master in [[JerkAss trolling other people]], it probably is [[MaliciousMisnaming intentional.]]
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Alhambra tells Alucard that he lied to the local police that he'd make them immortal if they tried (and failed) to take out Alucard in his penthouse room. Alucard finds this revelation hilarious.
* AffablyEvil: Much like the source material, Alucard is this. It takes a special kind of man to begin a death-threat with ''friendly little letter'' and end it with ''Sincerely''.
* [[AGodAmI A Demi-God I Am]]: Luke Valentine refers to himself as a demigod when confronting Alucard. The latter proceeds to show him [[OneWingedAngel just]] [[AnArmAndALeg how]] [[FamilyUnfriendlyViolence wrong]] [[BreakThemByTalking he]] [[JustEatHim is]].
* AnythingThatMoves: Jan mentions that, in addition to Integra, he was going to skull-fuck all of the old guys in the meeting and the random soldier ghoul that happened to be next to him.
** Alucard, too.
--> "There's no one ''alive'' who could comprehend my sexual preference."
* TheAristocrats: While Alucard is having a flashback to when he was [[spoiler: Count Vlad "Dracula" Tepes]], Van Helsing (the guy who stakes him) gives him a ReasonYouSuckSpeech, detailing all the depravities and murders Alucard pulled off, asking him, finally "What say you now?" to which Alucard replies: "The Aristocrats."
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
** In his time, Alucard has caused massive collateral damage, multiple noise complaints, a dozen innocent deaths, and lots of sexual harassment.
-->'''Alucard:''' ...I'm not apologizing.
** When fighting the elder of the Valentine brothers, Alucard tells him to "Summon up your demons! Hit me! Fight me! [[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Give me a hug!]]"
* AttackAttackRetreatRetreat:
-->'''Jan:''' Guess what Jeeves, that [[RazorFloss garrote wire]] won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? How thick is it? Well half as thick as my ''dick.'' So, thick enough you're gonna need a fucking anti-tank rifle to pierce it! And I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass!
-->'''Walter:''' Police Girl, if you may.
-->'''Police Girl:''' [[CatchPhrase Bitches love cannons!]]
-->'''Jan:''' [[DullSurprise Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle.]] '''''[[OhCrap OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!]]'''''
* AttentionWhore: Both Integra and Alucard notice that Rip Van Winkle is one, due to her making a ton of references and ShoutOut to other things and saying stuff like "LOL I so randum!".
* AWizardDidIt: When it comes to explaining Alucard's ability to regenerate after being decapitated, he responded with a simple "fuck you, that's how".
* AwesomeMcCoolname: Alucard's Twitter account is [[https://twitter.com/TheCrimsonFuckr @TheCrimsonFuckr]].
* [[VisualPun Audio Pun:]] The song that starts playing during The Major's "I Love War" speech? ''Mars, Bringer of War.''
* BadassBoast:
** Alucard seems pretty fond of shooting these down whenever one of his opponents delivers one.
** Walter is pretty good at doing these, and backing them up.
-->'''Walter:''' Hello, my name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. [[SophisticatedAsHell And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.]]
* BadBoss: Alucard has very little regard for Pip's well being...
-->'''Pip''': Hey, maybe later, if it's not too weird, you wanna...go get a drink? Maybe hit up a club?\\
'''Alucard''': You're not my friend; you're my bodyguard. Make it past two weeks, I ''might'' [[MauveShirt learn your name]]; [[HumanResources until then, you're]] [[WalkingTransplant spare blood]].
* BaitAndSwitch: You'd think you'd be able to guess [[{{Oireland}} Father Anderson]]'s favorite cereal after learning Alucard's is Count Chocula, right? Wrong.
-->'''Anderson''': "Now, what do you say we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal, Frankenber--oh, ''son of a Protestant whore!''"
** Played with in that it's essentially the same joke (Anderson is quite a lot like Frankenstein's monster), but with a less painfully obvious punchline.
* BaitAndSwitchComparison:
-->'''Anderson:''' Now if you would be so Christian-like to ''ship your sorry pale ass'' out. ''(camera on Seras)'' And take your trigger-happy harlot with ya'! ''(camera on Pip)'' And the woman!
* BaitAndSwitchCredits: The first episode starts with the opening for what appears to be a ''Manga/OnePiece'' Abridged Series, only to suddenly cut to a dimly-lit house full of corpses. This prank was long in the making as a preview for what they were going to show at that con suggested "a special premiere" and showed a shoddily blurred ''One Piece'' Logo that anyone familiar with One Piece would recognize. In addition Lanipator released on his own channel five days previous him singing a song for the secret premiere, the song being the anthem for ''One Piece'' that is ''We Are''. Once again not alluding to anything, but still strongly suggesting it was ''One Piece''. This comes full circle as Lanipator's karaoke version of ''We Are'' is the credits song for the first episode of Creator/TeamFourStar's ''Hellsing Ultimate Abridged''.
* BatmanGambit: Walter's plan to get Alucard to Brazil relies on the vampire's pathological insubordination.
** The Major lured Alucard away so he could begin the invasion of England, knowing Integra couldn't resist sending him to dispose of a powerful vampire.
* BerserkButton:
** Do '''''not''''' touch Alucard's flat-screen TV. His [[{{InsistentTerminology}} 70-inch, Plasma-screen TV]]. Just ask Luke. Oh wait, you can't. Because he's dead. If you do, you'll be able to ask him in person. 'Cause you'll be dead, too.
** Alucard also does not seem to care for 3D.
-->'''Alucard''': No! That's a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!
** Seras seems to enjoy the concept that if you have to kill a zombie, you might as well kill them all. Through a blood rage.
** The Major hates Cold Wars.
--> "Blue balled for 40 years."
* {{BFG}} [=/=] BiggerIsBetter: "Bitches love cannons!"
* {{Bifauxnen}}: Integra's appearance is lampshaded.
-->'''Anderson''': What the hell do you want, you crazy Protestant bastard?
-->'''Integra''': I'm a woman.
-->'''Anderson''': Call yourself whatever you want, you crazy Protestant bastard.
* BigNo: Integra. After learning that Alucard has gone for a walk in Episode 3.
* BiTheWay: It is hinted, that Alucard was the Queen's lover in both his male and Girlycard form.
* BlackComedy: Absolutely ''runs'' on this. Though given the source material, that's probably to be expected.
** Takahata said on the TFS panel that Alucard is written and played as essentially, "WesternAnimation/{{Archer}} with superpowers".
* BlackComedyRape: Invoked to be deconstructed. Jan forces one of Integra's soldiers to read out an extremely abusive and crude letter detailing in depth how he will rape her to death in the most violent way possible. [[MoodWhiplash The soldier is very clearly horrified and disturbed by it]], and what's even worse is that he's just suffered through Jan shooting one of his testicles. Jan is the only one who is amused by all of this.
-->"Now pardon me while I blow this faggot ginger's brains out''OHGODNO!!''"
* BloodKnight: Alucard, obviously
** Anderson is apparently no slouch in this department either.
-->'''Father O'Malley'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (who is also Italian):''' Tell-a me, Anderson: What is your favorite thing to do?
-->'''Anderson:''' Spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world, teaching peace and love for all!
-->'''Father:''' And killing-a vampires?
--> '''Anderson:''' *''grins''* Ah, just try to fucking stop me!
-->'''Father:''' And what about...Protestants?
-->'''Anderson:''' Second verse, same as the first! Now put me on a plane, so I can put 'em in a hearse!
** Seras, during her blood rages.
* BotheringByTheBook: When Integra orders Alucard to stay in the basement during her meeting with their financial backers. Then the Hellsing HQ gets attacked.
-->'''Alucard''': You see, I'm under direct orders from my boss--who is a total ''bitch'' by the way--that I'm not allowed to leave this room until such time as the Committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: The sidebar on Alucard's twitter page links to the pages of CrispinFreeman, PatrickSeitz, and adultdvdempire.
* BriarPatching: How Walter gets Alucard to go to Brazil.
* BrilliantButLazy: Alucard is pretty much the best at what he does, but he'd rather be causing as much chaos as possible outside of his job.
-->'''Integra:''' ''(after hearing the latest of his 400+ elaborate death threats to the Pope)'' I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job.
* ButtMonkey: Seras, at least when around Alucard (who always calls her "Police Girl", even though [[AccidentalMisnaming that's not]] [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep her real name]] which is what she told him in the first episode)
* BuxomIsBetter: The only reason why Alucard rescued [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep Police Girl]] is because she has nice tits.
* CallBack: In Episode 2, when Alucard dislikes Integra's demands, he says "I don't have to take this, I'm going for a walk." Episode 1 shows us how those tend to turn out. And again in Episode 3 where Alucard goes on yet ''another'' walk.
** Episode 3 also starts out with Integra talking to a group of mercenaries they had to hire to replace the guards lost of the Valentine Brothers' attack.
** In Episode 4, Rip Van Winkle remarks that she likes the ship she's on, as it's "full of blood ''und'' seamen", calling back to part of the message Jan made a Hellsing officer read to Integra in episode 2 ("there's nothing left but your riddled corpse full of blood and semen").
*** Also the return of "Bitches Love Cannons!"
** The disclaimer for each episode from 2 onwards is done by whoever Alucard fought the previous episode (Anderson for ep. 2, Jan for ep. 3, and the Dandy Man for ep. 4).
* {{Camp}}: The Major certainly gives off this vibe.
* [[CaptainObvious Major Obvious]]: The Major:
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
* CharacterExaggeration: Jan's homicidal and sexual tendencies are taken UpToEleven. Don't ask us how.
* ChekhovsGun: Like you wouldn't believe it, ''Alucard's {{Twitter}} account''.
* CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys: Alucard remarks that they're "scraping the bottom of the barrel" when the Hellsing Organization is forced to contract French mercenaries to replace guards lost during the [[CallBack Valentine Brothers' attack]]. However, Pip--the only one we've seen in action--subverts this trope.
** It's also worth noting that Integra specifically stated that they were forced to post mortality rates of her men on duty to those interested in working for her organization--and that said French mercenaries were the only ones who still applied regardless. Whether this is meant to show them as either exceptionally brave, exceptionally stupid, or exceptionally desperate for cash is up for debate.
* ChivalrousPervert: Although he's an exceptional {{Jerkass}}, Alucard kind of suits this. Despite being a massive pervert who is implied to see prostitutes and gives assistance to women based purely on the size of their breasts, he is apparently "holding out" for Integra...although her rage at everything he does probably hurts his chances (but her rage DOES give him a boner...it's super awkward, and, as hinted in Episode 2, he even gets a boner while scolded on the phone).
* ClusterFBomb: The whole cast, but Jan Valentine deserves special mention.
--> ''(while being shot)'' "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckmotherfuckin'fuckcuntwithafuckin'tittyfuckfuckFUCK!"
* CreditsGag: The first episode had [=KaiserNeko=] playing all the Nazis chanting with the Major. The credit list them individually as "Nazi 1, Nazi 2, etc." all the way up to [[OverlyLongGag fifteen.]]
** The transcript [[http://hellsing.wikia.com/wiki/Hellsing_Ultimate_Abridged_Episode_1_Transcript here]] also lists Franchise/{{Batman}} playing as [[MemeticMutation The Goddamn Batman.]]
* CrowningMomentOfIndifference: Pretty much every time Alucard interacts with anything other than his 70-Inch Plasma Screen TV or WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
-->'''Vampire priest''': Everyone else is already dead! Except this little tart (Seras)...But trust me, I still plan to kill her...
-->'''Alucard''': Mmmh-hm.
-->'''Vampire priest''': But first I'm going to [[RapeAsDrama rape]] her!
-->'''Alucard''': Nnnneat.
* CurseCutShort: Episode 4's IDoNotOwn statement has Alahambra say this.
-->'''Alahambra''': It means go suck your mother's cu-- ''(Cut to the show)''
* DarkerAndEdgier: More so than TeamFourStar's Dragonball Abridged series, [[ClusterFBomb with more curse-words and obscenities than from a shipload of sailors, completely uncensored]], [[RapeAsComedy rape jokes,]] and of course [[BloodyHilarious all the]] [[BloodierAndGorier blood.]] Unsurprising, given the source material.
* DeadpanSnarker: Alucard and Police Girl, but mostly Alucard.
--> '''Luke''': You must be the great Alucard.
--> '''Alucard''': 'Suuuuup.
--> '''Luke''': I've heard quite a lot about you.
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, really?
--> '''Luke''': The nightwalker, who glides through oceans of blood, beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow upon darkness itself!
--> '''Alucard''': [[IllTakeThatAsACompliment Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft!]]
--> '''Luke''': ...Excuse you?
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, I'm sorry, I like to dirty talk when someone's ''sucking my dick.''
--> '''Luke''': Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Luke Valentine.
--> '''Alucard''': And I'm Carmen Sandiego! Guess where I am!
--> '''Luke''': I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, so am I. And I'm failing...and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my ''70" plasma TV,'' and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father!
--> ''(Luke and Alucard point their guns directly at each other's head at point blank range)''
-->'''Alucard''': Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
** Jan also gets in a couple of good ones.
* {{Defictionalization}}: Follow Alucard [[https://twitter.com/TheCrimsonFuckr @TheCrimsonFuckr]].
** Seras has one now too: [[https://twitter.com/BT_PoliceGirl @BT_Police Girl]].
** And Integra: [[https://twitter.com/Sir_Integra @Sir_Integra]].
* DepravedBisexual: The only person who can keep up with Alucard, whose sexual preference is by his own admission incomprehensible to anyone alive? ''[[RefugeInAudacity The Queen of England]]'', possibly the only person in the show that he genuinely respects.
* DiscreditedMeme: In-universe, most of the internet memes Rip Van Winkle [[SpeakInShoutOuts is constantly spewing]] are deliberately very dated just to highlight what an AttentionWhore she is.
* DirtyOldWoman: The Queen of England.
* DidWeJustHaveTeaWithCthulhu: ''Inverted''. [[BadassNormal Pip]] apparently wants to go drinking with [[HumanoidAbomination Alucard]]. [[CrazyAwesome Note that he is fully aware that he might end up]] ''[[CrazyAwesome being]]'' [[CrazyAwesome the drink.]]
* {{Dissimile}}: In the scene when Police Girl goes into a [[UnstoppableRage blood rage]] Alucard expresses his desire to fuck her had he not been holding out for Integra, and then she gets [[ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice stabbed with]] [[FreudWasRight dozens of knives]]:
-->"Well, kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina."
* EasilyForgiven: an InvokedTrope:
-->'''Alucard:''' Sorry about that whole shooting you thing. But, I know if you look deep into your heart...which is currently all over that tree...
* EvenEvilHasStandards: Maxwell is none too happy hearing about that the priest spying on the Vatican for Millennium is also a pedophile.
-->'''Priest:''' I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!
-->'''Enrico:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
-->'''Priest:''' ...Amongst other things.
-->'''Enrico:''' [[MyGodYouAreSerious Oh, they didn't]]. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house? ''({{Beat}})'' ''[[ThisIsWrongOnSoManyLevels Wow]]''.
* [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep Everyone Calls Her Police Girl]]: In this series, Seras (which she pointed out). Her name's even listed as such in the credits.
** The bellhop in Episode 3 is referred to in the credits as "Bishounen O'Brian."
* EvilHasABadSenseOfHumor: Alucard and Jan.
* EvilIsPetty: In Episode 3, Alucard tilts every painting that he comes across while on his way to the mercenaries' orientation [[{{Troll}} just to give Integra a headache.]] He then proceeds to [[EvilLaugh laugh maniacally]] when Walter informs Integra of this.
** In Episode 2, the only real reason Alucard kills Luke Valentine is because his [=TV=] was destroyed while in the middle of watching WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
** He also sends death threats to the Pope. Why? Because he can.
-->'''Maxwell''': ...By carrier pigeon, no less! They just fly ''right'' into the Vatican!
* FacingTheBulletsOneLiner: The flashback at Episode 3's beginning.
-->'''Hellsing''': Vampire King. You lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire with which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of ''thousands'', countless villages razed to the ground, and over ''twenty-thousand'' impaled and prostrated by you and you alone to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! What say you, monster, ''demon'', ''devil conceived by the bleakest womb?'' '''WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!'''
-->'''Alucard''': ...''TheAristocrats''...
* [[FailOSuckyname Fail O'Suckyname]]: "Scarlet Tampon to Sticky Sock. [...] Also, I'm choosing the Goddamn nicknames next time!"
* {{Foreshadowing}}: Alucard likes to end every episode thus far by insisting that the Nazis are behind everything. Integra dismisses this as an idiotic idea, [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight but anyone who knows the show will know how]] WrongGenreSavvy [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight this is]].
* FriendlyEnemy: Alucard and Anderson...after a fashion. They share a lot of similarities and are perfectly willing to put off trying to kill each other if something kills the mood.
* GenderBender: Alucard recalls that he was a girl during WorldWarII and possibly doing the Queen of England in that form.
%%This example has been commented out for being a ZeroContextExample. Do not uncomment it without adding context.
%%* GenkiGirl: Miss Rip Van Winkle.
* GenreBlind: The officials in Episode 3, for actually believing an ObviouslyEvil vampire who offered them immortality in exchange for killing Alucard.
-->'''Alhambra''': Do I look like the kind of guy who would go back on an agreement? By the way, you may need to send more men.
-->'''Police chief''': ...Well, that sounds reasonable.
* GenreSavvy: Integra and Walter.
-->'''Military Officer''': The Special Air Service has deplyed two platoons by helicopter! They'll have visual any moment now.
-->''({{Beat}})''
-->'''Walter''': Ma'am?
-->'''Integra''': Wait for it.
-->''(Another beat)''
-->'''RADAR Operator''': We've lost both helis!
* GilliganCut: Almost immediately after Alucard arrives at his suite, we cut to the police besieging the hotel.
* GoryDiscretionShot: Alucard eating Luke Valentine for destroying his TV.
-->'''Alucard''': "WE'RE HERE ON [[WebVideo/EpicMealTime EPIC MEAL TIME]]! I'M THE SAUCEBOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLONDE LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD ''BITCH!''"
* GroinAttack: "Keep reading or I ''shoot the other testicle!''"
* {{Guile Hero}}ine: Integra solves her financial difficulties by letting her backers listen to Alucard's brutal dismemberment of Luke Valentine. They're so terrified that they give her the support she needs without any further hassle.
* HatesEveryoneEqually: Alucard retorts with this when Rip van Winkle calls him a 'racist, cis-gendered, patriarchy propagating, misogynistic pig'.
* HeroicComedicSociopath: Alucard goes above and beyond the call, to the point where it seems that the only reason he's at all better than his enemies is that he can be bribed into ''not'' murdering everything he sees.
* HollywoodSilencer: Notably averted in Episode 3. The report of Pip's gun as he fires it is recognizable as a gunshot, just somewhat quieter and layered over with the classic "fwip" sound effect.
* IdiotHero: Alucard, [[ObfuscatingStupidity even though he's clearly not one]], will occasionally invoke a more immature attitude if it helps him to better screw with his opponents' heads. Although you can't help but wonder if that attitude is ''always'' invoked when you remember that the whole reason he dismembered Luke Valentine was because he was rudely interrupted while in the middle of watching WesternAnimation/AdventureTime...
* IDoNotOwn: Parodied in episode 3:
--> '''Jan Valentine''': The following is a fan-based parody. ''Hellsing Ultimate'' is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse--the fuck is this?! You assholes brought me BackFromTheDead to read this legal bullshit?! No no no no no! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Fuck! That!]] If I'm gonna come back to life to read a fucking line, then it's gonna be ''[[ClusterFBomb my]]'' [[ClusterFBomb kinda fuckin' line.]] *clears throat* My throbbing vampire ''dick'' is a fan-based parody. Its shaft, balls, and scrotum, are property of ''me'', Jan Valentine, and whatever bitch I happen to be giving it to at the time. Please support my dick by helping with its ''official release''. You know you want to.
* IKnowYouKnowIKnow: [[spoiler: The Major's true intentions were willingly letting Integra know about Millennium's plan so she can plan around their plan. Now they, in turn, will plan around the plan that she is planning about their plan. The Doctor, naturally, thinks it's absolutely brilliant.]]
* INeedAFreakingDrink: A non-alcoholic example; when the fight between Alucard and Anderson in the art gallery has narrowly been averted by Seras and some pensioners, Maxwell--temporarily united with Integra in a 'What the hell just happened?' moment--asks if she wants to go get some coffee. To which she responds "I'd love some."
** Pseudo example occurs in a lull during Alucard's fight with Alhambra (whose enchanted cards make it difficult for Alucard to regenerate from attacks):
--->'''Alucard''': ''(in a pool of his own blood)'' Eugh...I could really use a drink...I'm not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore...that guy's got magic cards...and magic hands...
* ImAHumanitarian: "BITCH I EAT PEOPLE!"
** After explaining ''why'' his hotel room is full of dead bodies:
--> "Silver lining? I can cancel my room service!"
* InLoveWithYourCarnage: Alucard towards Police Girl... and ''the Queen'' towards Alucard, to the point where she asks Alucard to record the dying screams of the Major when they kill him just so she can go to sleep listening to it.
* InsaneTrollLogic: By Alucard's reasoning, the attacks are clearly by some large organized group, the Nazis were an large organized group, so it must be Nazis. He's right.
* IronicEcho: During Alucard's fight with Alhambra.
--> '''Alhambra''': You activated my trap card.\\
'''Alucard''': Shame on you. You activated my Alu-card.
** And again, for Rip Van Winkle.
--> '''RVW''': Check your privilege!\\
'''Alucard''': Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!
** Delivered by Integra as far back as Episode 2-
-->'''Jan''': ''*singing*'' I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck...\\
'''Integra''': Oh I'm sorry, ''we don't give a fuck''.
* JerkassStu: Despite the comedic tone of the series, it has a surprisingly good deconstruction of this trope. This version of Alucard lacks any sense of true loyalty to Integra and, as a result, [[KarmaHoudini can quite literally get away with]] ''[[KarmaHoudini anything]]'' [[KarmaHoudini he wants]] in-universe. While people will complain, they won't actually do anything to stop him because [[PersonOfMassDestruction nobody]] ''[[PersonOfMassDestruction can]]''. Integra shows just how infuriating and hate-inspiring such a character would be on several occasions. On the plus side, she ''does'' find ways to use his power to her advantage (see {{Guile Hero}}ine).
* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk [=/=] {{Troll}}: Alucard's characterization can basically be summed up as this, but ''especially'' towards Integra. There is no indication that he follows her orders out of any sense of loyalty. Rather, it seems like she's just bribing him not to destroy everything and because he has nothing better to do and sometimes because it just amuses him.
* JiveTurkey: Alucard telling his story in Brazil.
* JumpScare: Episode 3 has Alucard do this with the Wild Geese.
--> '''Alucard''': HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?
* LargeHam: Alucard doesn't so much [[ChewingTheScenery chew the scenery]] as he does [[UpToEleven masticate entire sets]]. Jan is also very fond of getting his ham on, for reasons obvious to anyone who's seen the show.
** And Anderson. Definitely Anderson.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: Alucard [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] it in his first field report. "It's like I didn't just get through explaining this!"
* LiteralGenie: Integra's bribe comes back to bite her when Alucard refuses to leave the basement when the Valentine brothers attack.
* {{Metaphorgotten}}: In the latest of his hundreds of death threats to the pope, Alucard says that he sends so many because he wants to instill as much fear as he can...like basting a turkey. Which he will then proceed to have sex with. This ends with him saying that he's going to "fuck the fear turkey".
* MomentKiller: An odd example. Police Girl stops Alucard and Anderson by leading a large group of old people between them. [[LampshadeHanging They both comment on this.]]
* MoodDissonance: So what theme did they go with for abridging a series so violent and bloody? "Party, Party, Party" by Music/AndrewWK.
* MoodWhiplash: A scene usually described as terrifying is, in contrary to the rest of the episode, ''absolutely not played for laughs''.
* INeedAFreakingDrink: Alucard after the fight with Alhambra.
* NeverMessWithGranny: Queen Elizabeth II is the only person Alucard respects on a personal level, and is very near his level of psychopathy. Their flirting even forces one man to swear off sex due to the raunchiness of it. If that isn't enough, they even did it '''during the blitz''' ([[GenderBender when Alucard was]] [[BiTheWay a girl]]).
* NoManOfWomanBorn: Rip Van Winkle tries to invoke this when Alucard goes and attacks the carrier she overran. [[spoiler:She's unsuccessful]].
* NoodleIncident: While going over one of the problems Alucard caused:
-->'''Sir Islands''': And while the mime did survive, he'll never walk again.
* NotMeThisTime: Alucard really didn't do anything to cause the police to raid his hotel room.
-->'''Integra''': What. Did you do?
-->'''Alucard''': Oh, alright. But you can't be mad at me.
-->'''Integra''': ''What. Did you do?''
-->'''Alucard''': Okay, first... I was just minding my own business--
--> (desk slam)
-->'''Integra''': '''BULLSHIT!'''
-->'''Alucard''': ''(in whining, childish tone)'' ''I was!''
* [[OhCrap Oh Fuck All Kinds Of Duck]]: Several:
** When Integra realizes that Anderson was in Ireland on the same mission as Alucard.
** When Alexander Anderson think's he's killed Alucard:
--->'''Integra''': Where the hell is Alucard?
--->'''Anderson''': Oh, him? I killed him!
--->'''Integra''': Killed him?
--->'''Anderson''': Cut off his bloody head!
--->'''Integra''': Oh. Well, that's step one. What about two through ten?
--->'''Anderson''': Ah, Christ!
** Jan, upon seeing Police Girl has an anti-tank rifle.
*** And when he charges into the boardroom to find Integra and everyone else aiming a gun in his direction. "Well, that's not fair at all..."
** Luke, upon seeing how huge the stairs leading to the manor from Alucard's room are.[[note]]Not to mention his legs aren't connected to him any more...[[/note]]
** Rip Van Winkle when she first feels Alucard coming. And again when he catches her bullet in his teeth.
* OohMeAccentsSlipping:
** Rarely, but it happens. On the whole it's a lot better about averting it than most.
** Noticeable from Seras near the end of Episode 2.
* TheOtherDarrin: In the first episode, Walter is voiced by LittleKuriboh. The second and third episodes replaces him with WeeklyTubeShow.
* OvertOperative: Scarlet Tampon is an unintentional one:
-->'''Alucard:''' Oh, and tell that guy to stop spying on me, it's creepy!
-->'''Scarlet Tampon:''' Shit shit shit!
* PedophilePriest: The most common insult Alucard levels against catholic characters.
** In the promo for Episode 4, Maxwell interrogates a priest who has been spying on Iscariot for Millennium. Maxwell assumed it was the offer of immortality, but the priest simply says it was one "amongst other things". Maxwell is [[EvenEvilHasStandards positively disgusted]].
* PetTheDog: Alucard is a ''very'' unusual example towards Seras. After saving her just because she "has nice tits", he seems to develop ''some'' relationship with her, such as offering her to kill zombies (which actually impresses him when she does so), requesting a new gun for her (which is later changed to a cannon. Because bitches love cannons, which happens to be a {{BFG}}), and apparently shares his room with her while taking her and Pip with him on his vacation to Brazil. Also, he's quick to shoot Schrodinger's head off when he thinks the kid is bothering her.
* PlayingWithPuppets: "''[[WhiteChicks White Chicks]]'' was amazing..."
--> '''Alucard''': He believes it, too!
--> '''Pip''': [[NoJustNoReaction UGH!]]
* PowerIsSexy: Seras seems to get rather ''into'' her blood rages...
** InterplayOfSexAndViolence: ... Alucard, on the other hand, doesn't even bother with the subtext and is positively ''aroused'' by her displays.
*** Same for Jan, who, after seeing his ghouls getting ripped to shreds by Seras, calmly quips "Well, at least I'll die with a raging boner."
** Getting berated by Integra is a turn-on for Alucard, much to his displeasure.
** [[DirtyOldWoman The Queen of England]] as well, surprisingly enough. And by surprising, I mean [[BrainBleach absolutely horrifying.]]
-->"[[HeroicBSOD I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN!]]"
* PreAsskickingOneLiner: Alucard's fight with Luke:
-->'''Alucard''': Release restraint level one.
-->'''Luke''': Level what?
** And his fight with [[DeathDealer Alhambra]], doubling as a pun.
-->'''Alucard''': Oh, shame for you. You've activated my Alu-Card.
** Coupled with IronicEcho, Alucard to Rip Van Winkle, after she called him a racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, homophobic, misogynistic pig:
-->'''Alucard''': The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, ''I hate everyone equally'', and there's ''NO ONE ALIVE'' who could comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, ''Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!''
* PsychopathicManchild: Alucard was watching cartoons in his room before Luke busted in, then proceeded to eat Luke for destroying his TV. Considering who voices him, it's expected.
* PunctuatedForEmphasis:
-->'''The Major''': I! Want! WORLD! ''WAR!'' '''THREE!!!'''
* PuppyDogEyes: When the Police Girl is dying and stares at him Alucard complains the Police Girl is guilting him by looking like a "blonde, eviscerated puppy".
* RageAgainstTheAuthor: Jan Valentine goes completely off the rails when reading the disclaimer.
* RagingStiffie: Why Alucard prefers to be on the phone with Integra when she chews him out.
** She's aware. He confronts her with it at the beginning of Episode 4.
* RedEyesTakeWarning: Guess what color Police Girl's irises turn when she has one of her little moments.
-->"What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?"
** Every vampire's eyes turn red in shadow.
* ReversePsychology: Used by Walter on Alucard to trick him into going on a mission to Brazil. [[spoiler: It works.]]
* RuleOfFunny: The bases of the shows.
** Almost anything Alucard says/does.
* RunningGag: Alucard's "walks".
* SelfMadeOrphan: At least Self-Made Half-Orphan. According to Alucard, his father was the most satisfying person he ever killed.
* SexIsViolence
** After Seras demolishes his ghouls, Jan says that he's going to "die with a [[RagingStiffie raging boner]]".
** When Seras leads the seniors between Alucard and Anderson, Alucard says that his boner is gone and Anderson even calls it a [[MomentKiller mood killer]].
** The Major, especially after his comment on the UsefulNotes/ColdWar.
--> '''The Major''': Blue-balled for forty years.
* ShoutOut: It's Creator/TeamFourStar, so it's a given:
** In the very first scene, Alucard and Police Girl kill [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward and Bella]].
** Actually [[{{Deconstruction}} deconstructed]] when Alucard points out that Anderson apparently stole all his speeches from ''TheBoondockSaints''.
*** One of the only lines he didn't take from the movie was "It's a shame for ya lost yer head. A careless Vampire who wound up dead, ya wore yer sin like it was some kinda prize. Too many lies...Too many lies." That line is a slightly modified set of the opening lyrics to Wrestling/{{WWE}} superstar {{Sheamus}}' [[{{Leitmotif}} theme]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYgzxDEudJA song]].
** "And I'm Franchise/CarmenSandiego! Guess where I am!"
** ''[[TheBoondocks "You were talking all that GOOD shit a second ago!"]] Then I blew your fucking legs off!''
** '''"WE'RE HERE ON [[WebVideo/EpicMealTime EPIC MEAL TIME]]! I'M THE SAUCEBOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLONDE LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD ''BITCH!'''''"
** {{Smark}}s who visit the [[ProfessionalWrestling /wooo/]] section of 420chan will immediately recognize Seras' cry of "ARMBARS EVERYWHERE!" when she restrains Jan Valentine.
** "You know what? Fuck it. ''[[TheAnnoyingOrange Knife!]]''"
** ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'' and ''Manga/HighSchoolOfTheDead''.
*** The heavy implication being that the whole reason HSOD started was because Alucard was 99.9% done with the mission when he left--which gets even more hilarious when you consider that Kohta Hirano is a character in that show based on ''Hellsing'''s mangaka, and sharing the same name.
** [[VideoGame/BrutalLegend DECAPITATIOOOOOON!]]
*** [[Music/BonJovi SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!]]
** After realizing what a bored Alucard would do if Hellsing's funding is cut off, one of the Round Table says [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} "Shut up and take our money!"]]
*** Also, in Episode 3, Alucard was making [[Film/TheThreeStooges "whoop whoop whoop"]] noises while walking up a wall of a building.
** To the DragonBallAbridged 'kaio-what' running gag, in Alucard's own powerup sequence:
-->'''Alucard''': Release restraint level one.
-->'''Luke''': Level what? ''*leg gets shot off*''
*** And when Jan's self-destruct chip went off, he screamed "And now I'm on fucking fire!" nearly mirroring the last Kanassan's dying moment "[[NoIndoorVoice I'M ON FIRE.]]"
** To WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries: "Give me a hug!"
** After [[BattleButler Walter]] introduces himself, Jan refers to him as [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Alfred]]. In the same line, he also calls him [[JeevesAndWooster Jeeves]].
** You can hear the [[{{Homestuck}} Squiddles]] theme song in the background during Anderson and Alucard's almost-fight in the art gallery. They also use some music from Anime/TheBigO in that episode too...
** In Episode 3 we get "[[Franchise/YuGiOh you activated my trap card/Alucard.]]"
** Rip Van Winkle seems to exist to give Internet shoutouts; she's basically become Tumblr personified.
*** She references ''The Game'', ''LiveActionTV/DoctorWho'', ''{{WebOriginal/Homestuck}}'', "checking your privilege", rainbows, and tacos.
*** She directly references ''{{VideoGame/Portal}}'' by painting "TheCakeIsALie" on the hull of the aircraft carrier in blood, and Rick-Rolling by singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."
*** Every time she aims her rifle, and then when she fires at Alucard (before the laser sound effects kick in), it makes the sound of [[VideoGame/LeagueOfLegends Caitlyn's Ace in the Hole ability activating, then firing.]]
*** The Germans are also glad she's no longer going on about [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of the winter.]]
* ShowyInvincibleHero: Alucard, and he knows it.
* SidetrackedByTheAnalogy: One of Alucard's many death threats to the Pope mention he sends them so much to instill as much fear as possible "as if basting a turkey". He then goes on to mention how he will "fuck the fear turkey".
* SmallGirlBigGun: "Bitches love cannons".
* SmugSuper: Alucard.
-->''(while arguing with Integra)'': What are you going to do? Grab the guy who can stop me? What was his name... Michael [=McDoesn'tExist=]?
* {{Spoonerism}}: Alucard is a "fuck-mothering vampire"
* StealthPun: Rip van Winkle talks about her kind of ship being "filled with blood and seamen".
* StraightMan: Luke, to Jan and Alucard.
* StockFootage: Whenever Alucard and Integra are on the phone together.
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: Alucard and Anderson, in terms of killing leprechauns.
-->'''Alucard''': I've never hunted down a leprechaun before. Do you think if I shoot them with my gun, Lucky Charms will explode everywhere?
-->'''Anderson''': I've never actually found one, but do you think if I cut one open with my knife it would spill out Lucky Charms?
** During the 2013 TFS 18+ panel at Youmacon, this question was answered. They went and killed one during their spare time off-screen.
-->'''Anderson''': Turns out it was Boo Berry.
-->'''Alucard''': Who knew, right?
* StupidSexyFlanders: When Alucard first sees Schrodinger, he mentions the "Return of the ''why-boner.'' '''With a vengeance.'''"
* SuicideAsComedy: Alucard tells the mistress a story:
-->'''Alucard:''' ...And I killed all but one of them.\\
'''Integra:''' What happened to the last one?\\
''(In Alucard's flashback, the last soldier shoots himself in the head.)''\\
'''Alucard:''' PUSSED OUT LIKE A ''BITCH!''
* TakeThat
** To ''Twilight'' in Episode 1.
** Also from the first episode:
--> '''Alucard:''' ''(Sniff sniff)'' Huh? Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. ''(Anderson turns the corner)'' Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church. And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? ''Progress!''
** And in Episode 3 after he and Anderson decide not to get into a fight:
--> '''Alucard''': "Kill you later, you Catholic sociopath! Whoops, tautology!"
** 3D gets one in Episode 2 when Alucard says "Its a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!"
** Rip Van Winkle is basically a huge TakeThat to social justice warriors, meme overdose, and Tumblr in general.
* TemptingFate: At the end of episode 4, as a full-on war between Hellsing, Iscariot, and Millenium kicks off:
-->'''Alucard''': I better not [[DeusExitMachina miss]] a damn thing.
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Alucard delivers a particularly venemous one in Episode 3 to Enrico Maxwell.
-->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a ''woman'', you must've started with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine year old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right, generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back.
* ThisIsForEmphasisBitch
* ThoseWackyNazis
* {{Troll}}: Alucard. See EvilIsPetty above.
* {{Tsundere}}: Alucard towards Integra
* UnstoppableRage: Seras goes into one destroying Jan Valentine's ghouls. Integra later calls it a "Blood Rage", implying it's something that all true vampires can do.
* VerbalBackspace:
--> '''Alucard:''' "Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got things to do."
--> '''Integra:''' "What ''things''? You don't do ''things''!"
--> '''Alucard:''' "Yes I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods."
--> '''Integra:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "And kill homicidal vampire priests?"]]
--> '''Alucard:''' "'''Very''' enthusiastic walks."
* WeAllLiveInAmerica: Episode 2 mentions that Alucard crashed Integra's father's car into a Dairy Queen, but they have no branches in England, where Hellsing's HQ is situated. Mind you, it ''would'' fit Alucard's character here to take said car all the way to the USA ''just'' to smash it into a Dairy Queen, as well as the possibility he crashed it during a mission there.
* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The [[EyesDoNotBelongThere eyes]] on Alucard's first-restraint-released form were at one point planned to be digitally replaced with [[WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged Mr. Popo faces]], but this was abandoned for being too difficult to edit.
* WhatMeasureIsAMook:
-->'''Alucard:''' Hey guys, how's your health plan? ''*SWAT team opens fire*'' Apparently it's great!
-->''*carnage and gore ensue as the cops finally retreat into the elevator*''
-->'''Integra:''' Walter, be honest with me: what are we looking at in terms of collateral?
-->'''Walter:''' Well...''*Alucard walks out of elevator filled with corpses*'' the ''[[SociopathicHero Alucard]]'' amount.
* WrestlerInAllOfUs: Arm bars, everywhere!
* YouAreWhatYouHate: Rip Van Winkle viciously criticizes Alucard for being bigoted. This coming from a [[ThoseWackyNazis Nazi.]] He throws this back in her face by pointing out that he's actually [[HatesEveryoneEqually not a bigot.]]
* YourMom: Alucard gives a particularly nice one to the SWAT team who bust into his room.
-->'''Alucard''': One of them yelled out:
-->'''Cop''': DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!
-->'''Alucard''': And ''I'' responded with: '''I KNOCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT!!'''
--> ({{Beat}})
-->'''Alucard''': And they took exception to that.
* YourVampiresSuck: Towards ''Twilight'', in Episode 1. See the quote above.
----
->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Bella Swan]]:''' I love you, Edward.\\
'''Edward Cullen:''' [[DullSurprise And I love you, Bella.]]\\
''(There's a knock at the door)''\\
'''Edward:''' Hold on. ''(goes to the door)'' Who is it?\\
'''Alucard:''' Oh, you know. ''([[EstablishingCharacterMoment Shoots Edward to death]])'' [[YourVampiresSuck A REAL fucking vampire!]]
-->--The very first [[BaitAndSwitchCredits actual]] scene of the series.
TheAbridgedSeries of ''Anime/HellsingUltimate'', made by Creator/TeamFourStar. That's about all you need to know.
Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released in October 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012. The fourth was released on November 4th, 2013.
The Character Page is currently on construction. Please contribute if you will.
You can find it [[http://www.youtube.com/user/takahata101/videos?query=Hellsing+Ultimate+Abridged+Episode here]].
!!''Hellsing Ultimate Abridged'' provides example of the following Tropes:
* AccidentalMisnaming:
-->'''Police Girl''': "Okay...Master (Alucard), my name is ''Seras''."
** Although, knowing Alucard being a master in [[JerkAss trolling other people]], it probably is [[MaliciousMisnaming intentional.]]
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Alhambra tells Alucard that he lied to the local police that he'd make them immortal if they tried (and failed) to take out Alucard in his penthouse room. Alucard finds this revelation hilarious.
* AffablyEvil: Much like the source material, Alucard is this. It takes a special kind of man to begin a death-threat with ''friendly little letter'' and end it with ''Sincerely''.
* [[AGodAmI A Demi-God I Am]]: Luke Valentine refers to himself as a demigod when confronting Alucard. The latter proceeds to show him [[OneWingedAngel just]] [[AnArmAndALeg how]] [[FamilyUnfriendlyViolence wrong]] [[BreakThemByTalking he]] [[JustEatHim is]].
* AnythingThatMoves: Jan mentions that, in addition to Integra, he was going to skull-fuck all of the old guys in the meeting and the random soldier ghoul that happened to be next to him.
** Alucard, too.
--> "There's no one ''alive'' who could comprehend my sexual preference."
* TheAristocrats: While Alucard is having a flashback to when he was [[spoiler: Count Vlad "Dracula" Tepes]], Van Helsing (the guy who stakes him) gives him a ReasonYouSuckSpeech, detailing all the depravities and murders Alucard pulled off, asking him, finally "What say you now?" to which Alucard replies: "The Aristocrats."
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
** In his time, Alucard has caused massive collateral damage, multiple noise complaints, a dozen innocent deaths, and lots of sexual harassment.
-->'''Alucard:''' ...I'm not apologizing.
** When fighting the elder of the Valentine brothers, Alucard tells him to "Summon up your demons! Hit me! Fight me! [[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Give me a hug!]]"
* AttackAttackRetreatRetreat:
-->'''Jan:''' Guess what Jeeves, that [[RazorFloss garrote wire]] won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? How thick is it? Well half as thick as my ''dick.'' So, thick enough you're gonna need a fucking anti-tank rifle to pierce it! And I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass!
-->'''Walter:''' Police Girl, if you may.
-->'''Police Girl:''' [[CatchPhrase Bitches love cannons!]]
-->'''Jan:''' [[DullSurprise Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle.]] '''''[[OhCrap OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!]]'''''
* AttentionWhore: Both Integra and Alucard notice that Rip Van Winkle is one, due to her making a ton of references and ShoutOut to other things and saying stuff like "LOL I so randum!".
* AWizardDidIt: When it comes to explaining Alucard's ability to regenerate after being decapitated, he responded with a simple "fuck you, that's how".
* AwesomeMcCoolname: Alucard's Twitter account is [[https://twitter.com/TheCrimsonFuckr @TheCrimsonFuckr]].
* [[VisualPun Audio Pun:]] The song that starts playing during The Major's "I Love War" speech? ''Mars, Bringer of War.''
* BadassBoast:
** Alucard seems pretty fond of shooting these down whenever one of his opponents delivers one.
** Walter is pretty good at doing these, and backing them up.
-->'''Walter:''' Hello, my name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. [[SophisticatedAsHell And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.]]
* BadBoss: Alucard has very little regard for Pip's well being...
-->'''Pip''': Hey, maybe later, if it's not too weird, you wanna...go get a drink? Maybe hit up a club?\\
'''Alucard''': You're not my friend; you're my bodyguard. Make it past two weeks, I ''might'' [[MauveShirt learn your name]]; [[HumanResources until then, you're]] [[WalkingTransplant spare blood]].
* BaitAndSwitch: You'd think you'd be able to guess [[{{Oireland}} Father Anderson]]'s favorite cereal after learning Alucard's is Count Chocula, right? Wrong.
-->'''Anderson''': "Now, what do you say we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal, Frankenber--oh, ''son of a Protestant whore!''"
** Played with in that it's essentially the same joke (Anderson is quite a lot like Frankenstein's monster), but with a less painfully obvious punchline.
* BaitAndSwitchComparison:
-->'''Anderson:''' Now if you would be so Christian-like to ''ship your sorry pale ass'' out. ''(camera on Seras)'' And take your trigger-happy harlot with ya'! ''(camera on Pip)'' And the woman!
* BaitAndSwitchCredits: The first episode starts with the opening for what appears to be a ''Manga/OnePiece'' Abridged Series, only to suddenly cut to a dimly-lit house full of corpses. This prank was long in the making as a preview for what they were going to show at that con suggested "a special premiere" and showed a shoddily blurred ''One Piece'' Logo that anyone familiar with One Piece would recognize. In addition Lanipator released on his own channel five days previous him singing a song for the secret premiere, the song being the anthem for ''One Piece'' that is ''We Are''. Once again not alluding to anything, but still strongly suggesting it was ''One Piece''. This comes full circle as Lanipator's karaoke version of ''We Are'' is the credits song for the first episode of Creator/TeamFourStar's ''Hellsing Ultimate Abridged''.
* BatmanGambit: Walter's plan to get Alucard to Brazil relies on the vampire's pathological insubordination.
** The Major lured Alucard away so he could begin the invasion of England, knowing Integra couldn't resist sending him to dispose of a powerful vampire.
* BerserkButton:
** Do '''''not''''' touch Alucard's flat-screen TV. His [[{{InsistentTerminology}} 70-inch, Plasma-screen TV]]. Just ask Luke. Oh wait, you can't. Because he's dead. If you do, you'll be able to ask him in person. 'Cause you'll be dead, too.
** Alucard also does not seem to care for 3D.
-->'''Alucard''': No! That's a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!
** Seras seems to enjoy the concept that if you have to kill a zombie, you might as well kill them all. Through a blood rage.
** The Major hates Cold Wars.
--> "Blue balled for 40 years."
* {{BFG}} [=/=] BiggerIsBetter: "Bitches love cannons!"
* {{Bifauxnen}}: Integra's appearance is lampshaded.
-->'''Anderson''': What the hell do you want, you crazy Protestant bastard?
-->'''Integra''': I'm a woman.
-->'''Anderson''': Call yourself whatever you want, you crazy Protestant bastard.
* BigNo: Integra. After learning that Alucard has gone for a walk in Episode 3.
* BiTheWay: It is hinted, that Alucard was the Queen's lover in both his male and Girlycard form.
* BlackComedy: Absolutely ''runs'' on this. Though given the source material, that's probably to be expected.
** Takahata said on the TFS panel that Alucard is written and played as essentially, "WesternAnimation/{{Archer}} with superpowers".
* BlackComedyRape: Invoked to be deconstructed. Jan forces one of Integra's soldiers to read out an extremely abusive and crude letter detailing in depth how he will rape her to death in the most violent way possible. [[MoodWhiplash The soldier is very clearly horrified and disturbed by it]], and what's even worse is that he's just suffered through Jan shooting one of his testicles. Jan is the only one who is amused by all of this.
-->"Now pardon me while I blow this faggot ginger's brains out''OHGODNO!!''"
* BloodKnight: Alucard, obviously
** Anderson is apparently no slouch in this department either.
-->'''Father O'Malley'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (who is also Italian):''' Tell-a me, Anderson: What is your favorite thing to do?
-->'''Anderson:''' Spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world, teaching peace and love for all!
-->'''Father:''' And killing-a vampires?
--> '''Anderson:''' *''grins''* Ah, just try to fucking stop me!
-->'''Father:''' And what about...Protestants?
-->'''Anderson:''' Second verse, same as the first! Now put me on a plane, so I can put 'em in a hearse!
** Seras, during her blood rages.
* BotheringByTheBook: When Integra orders Alucard to stay in the basement during her meeting with their financial backers. Then the Hellsing HQ gets attacked.
-->'''Alucard''': You see, I'm under direct orders from my boss--who is a total ''bitch'' by the way--that I'm not allowed to leave this room until such time as the Committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: The sidebar on Alucard's twitter page links to the pages of CrispinFreeman, PatrickSeitz, and adultdvdempire.
* BriarPatching: How Walter gets Alucard to go to Brazil.
* BrilliantButLazy: Alucard is pretty much the best at what he does, but he'd rather be causing as much chaos as possible outside of his job.
-->'''Integra:''' ''(after hearing the latest of his 400+ elaborate death threats to the Pope)'' I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job.
* ButtMonkey: Seras, at least when around Alucard (who always calls her "Police Girl", even though [[AccidentalMisnaming that's not]] [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep her real name]] which is what she told him in the first episode)
* BuxomIsBetter: The only reason why Alucard rescued [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep Police Girl]] is because she has nice tits.
* CallBack: In Episode 2, when Alucard dislikes Integra's demands, he says "I don't have to take this, I'm going for a walk." Episode 1 shows us how those tend to turn out. And again in Episode 3 where Alucard goes on yet ''another'' walk.
** Episode 3 also starts out with Integra talking to a group of mercenaries they had to hire to replace the guards lost of the Valentine Brothers' attack.
** In Episode 4, Rip Van Winkle remarks that she likes the ship she's on, as it's "full of blood ''und'' seamen", calling back to part of the message Jan made a Hellsing officer read to Integra in episode 2 ("there's nothing left but your riddled corpse full of blood and semen").
*** Also the return of "Bitches Love Cannons!"
** The disclaimer for each episode from 2 onwards is done by whoever Alucard fought the previous episode (Anderson for ep. 2, Jan for ep. 3, and the Dandy Man for ep. 4).
* {{Camp}}: The Major certainly gives off this vibe.
* [[CaptainObvious Major Obvious]]: The Major:
-->''Gentlemen, we...are Nazis!''
* CharacterExaggeration: Jan's homicidal and sexual tendencies are taken UpToEleven. Don't ask us how.
* ChekhovsGun: Like you wouldn't believe it, ''Alucard's {{Twitter}} account''.
* CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys: Alucard remarks that they're "scraping the bottom of the barrel" when the Hellsing Organization is forced to contract French mercenaries to replace guards lost during the [[CallBack Valentine Brothers' attack]]. However, Pip--the only one we've seen in action--subverts this trope.
** It's also worth noting that Integra specifically stated that they were forced to post mortality rates of her men on duty to those interested in working for her organization--and that said French mercenaries were the only ones who still applied regardless. Whether this is meant to show them as either exceptionally brave, exceptionally stupid, or exceptionally desperate for cash is up for debate.
* ChivalrousPervert: Although he's an exceptional {{Jerkass}}, Alucard kind of suits this. Despite being a massive pervert who is implied to see prostitutes and gives assistance to women based purely on the size of their breasts, he is apparently "holding out" for Integra...although her rage at everything he does probably hurts his chances (but her rage DOES give him a boner...it's super awkward, and, as hinted in Episode 2, he even gets a boner while scolded on the phone).
* ClusterFBomb: The whole cast, but Jan Valentine deserves special mention.
--> ''(while being shot)'' "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckmotherfuckin'fuckcuntwithafuckin'tittyfuckfuckFUCK!"
* CreditsGag: The first episode had [=KaiserNeko=] playing all the Nazis chanting with the Major. The credit list them individually as "Nazi 1, Nazi 2, etc." all the way up to [[OverlyLongGag fifteen.]]
** The transcript [[http://hellsing.wikia.com/wiki/Hellsing_Ultimate_Abridged_Episode_1_Transcript here]] also lists Franchise/{{Batman}} playing as [[MemeticMutation The Goddamn Batman.]]
* CrowningMomentOfIndifference: Pretty much every time Alucard interacts with anything other than his 70-Inch Plasma Screen TV or WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
-->'''Vampire priest''': Everyone else is already dead! Except this little tart (Seras)...But trust me, I still plan to kill her...
-->'''Alucard''': Mmmh-hm.
-->'''Vampire priest''': But first I'm going to [[RapeAsDrama rape]] her!
-->'''Alucard''': Nnnneat.
* CurseCutShort: Episode 4's IDoNotOwn statement has Alahambra say this.
-->'''Alahambra''': It means go suck your mother's cu-- ''(Cut to the show)''
* DarkerAndEdgier: More so than TeamFourStar's Dragonball Abridged series, [[ClusterFBomb with more curse-words and obscenities than from a shipload of sailors, completely uncensored]], [[RapeAsComedy rape jokes,]] and of course [[BloodyHilarious all the]] [[BloodierAndGorier blood.]] Unsurprising, given the source material.
* DeadpanSnarker: Alucard and Police Girl, but mostly Alucard.
--> '''Luke''': You must be the great Alucard.
--> '''Alucard''': 'Suuuuup.
--> '''Luke''': I've heard quite a lot about you.
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, really?
--> '''Luke''': The nightwalker, who glides through oceans of blood, beyond human, a monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow upon darkness itself!
--> '''Alucard''': [[IllTakeThatAsACompliment Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft!]]
--> '''Luke''': ...Excuse you?
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, I'm sorry, I like to dirty talk when someone's ''sucking my dick.''
--> '''Luke''': Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Luke Valentine.
--> '''Alucard''': And I'm Carmen Sandiego! Guess where I am!
--> '''Luke''': I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
--> '''Alucard''': Oh, so am I. And I'm failing...and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my ''70" plasma TV,'' and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father!
--> ''(Luke and Alucard point their guns directly at each other's head at point blank range)''
-->'''Alucard''': Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
** Jan also gets in a couple of good ones.
* {{Defictionalization}}: Follow Alucard [[https://twitter.com/TheCrimsonFuckr @TheCrimsonFuckr]].
** Seras has one now too: [[https://twitter.com/BT_PoliceGirl @BT_Police Girl]].
** And Integra: [[https://twitter.com/Sir_Integra @Sir_Integra]].
* DepravedBisexual: The only person who can keep up with Alucard, whose sexual preference is by his own admission incomprehensible to anyone alive? ''[[RefugeInAudacity The Queen of England]]'', possibly the only person in the show that he genuinely respects.
* DiscreditedMeme: In-universe, most of the internet memes Rip Van Winkle [[SpeakInShoutOuts is constantly spewing]] are deliberately very dated just to highlight what an AttentionWhore she is.
* DirtyOldWoman: The Queen of England.
* DidWeJustHaveTeaWithCthulhu: ''Inverted''. [[BadassNormal Pip]] apparently wants to go drinking with [[HumanoidAbomination Alucard]]. [[CrazyAwesome Note that he is fully aware that he might end up]] ''[[CrazyAwesome being]]'' [[CrazyAwesome the drink.]]
* {{Dissimile}}: In the scene when Police Girl goes into a [[UnstoppableRage blood rage]] Alucard expresses his desire to fuck her had he not been holding out for Integra, and then she gets [[ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice stabbed with]] [[FreudWasRight dozens of knives]]:
-->"Well, kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina."
* EasilyForgiven: an InvokedTrope:
-->'''Alucard:''' Sorry about that whole shooting you thing. But, I know if you look deep into your heart...which is currently all over that tree...
* EvenEvilHasStandards: Maxwell is none too happy hearing about that the priest spying on the Vatican for Millennium is also a pedophile.
-->'''Priest:''' I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!
-->'''Enrico:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
-->'''Priest:''' ...Amongst other things.
-->'''Enrico:''' [[MyGodYouAreSerious Oh, they didn't]]. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house? ''({{Beat}})'' ''[[ThisIsWrongOnSoManyLevels Wow]]''.
* [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep Everyone Calls Her Police Girl]]: In this series, Seras (which she pointed out). Her name's even listed as such in the credits.
** The bellhop in Episode 3 is referred to in the credits as "Bishounen O'Brian."
* EvilHasABadSenseOfHumor: Alucard and Jan.
* EvilIsPetty: In Episode 3, Alucard tilts every painting that he comes across while on his way to the mercenaries' orientation [[{{Troll}} just to give Integra a headache.]] He then proceeds to [[EvilLaugh laugh maniacally]] when Walter informs Integra of this.
** In Episode 2, the only real reason Alucard kills Luke Valentine is because his [=TV=] was destroyed while in the middle of watching WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
** He also sends death threats to the Pope. Why? Because he can.
-->'''Maxwell''': ...By carrier pigeon, no less! They just fly ''right'' into the Vatican!
* FacingTheBulletsOneLiner: The flashback at Episode 3's beginning.
-->'''Hellsing''': Vampire King. You lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire with which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of ''thousands'', countless villages razed to the ground, and over ''twenty-thousand'' impaled and prostrated by you and you alone to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! What say you, monster, ''demon'', ''devil conceived by the bleakest womb?'' '''WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!'''
-->'''Alucard''': ...''TheAristocrats''...
* [[FailOSuckyname Fail O'Suckyname]]: "Scarlet Tampon to Sticky Sock. [...] Also, I'm choosing the Goddamn nicknames next time!"
* {{Foreshadowing}}: Alucard likes to end every episode thus far by insisting that the Nazis are behind everything. Integra dismisses this as an idiotic idea, [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight but anyone who knows the show will know how]] WrongGenreSavvy [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight this is]].
* FriendlyEnemy: Alucard and Anderson...after a fashion. They share a lot of similarities and are perfectly willing to put off trying to kill each other if something kills the mood.
* GenderBender: Alucard recalls that he was a girl during WorldWarII and possibly doing the Queen of England in that form.
%%This example has been commented out for being a ZeroContextExample. Do not uncomment it without adding context.
%%* GenkiGirl: Miss Rip Van Winkle.
* GenreBlind: The officials in Episode 3, for actually believing an ObviouslyEvil vampire who offered them immortality in exchange for killing Alucard.
-->'''Alhambra''': Do I look like the kind of guy who would go back on an agreement? By the way, you may need to send more men.
-->'''Police chief''': ...Well, that sounds reasonable.
* GenreSavvy: Integra and Walter.
-->'''Military Officer''': The Special Air Service has deplyed two platoons by helicopter! They'll have visual any moment now.
-->''({{Beat}})''
-->'''Walter''': Ma'am?
-->'''Integra''': Wait for it.
-->''(Another beat)''
-->'''RADAR Operator''': We've lost both helis!
* GilliganCut: Almost immediately after Alucard arrives at his suite, we cut to the police besieging the hotel.
* GoryDiscretionShot: Alucard eating Luke Valentine for destroying his TV.
-->'''Alucard''': "WE'RE HERE ON [[WebVideo/EpicMealTime EPIC MEAL TIME]]! I'M THE SAUCEBOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLONDE LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD ''BITCH!''"
* GroinAttack: "Keep reading or I ''shoot the other testicle!''"
* {{Guile Hero}}ine: Integra solves her financial difficulties by letting her backers listen to Alucard's brutal dismemberment of Luke Valentine. They're so terrified that they give her the support she needs without any further hassle.
* HatesEveryoneEqually: Alucard retorts with this when Rip van Winkle calls him a 'racist, cis-gendered, patriarchy propagating, misogynistic pig'.
* HeroicComedicSociopath: Alucard goes above and beyond the call, to the point where it seems that the only reason he's at all better than his enemies is that he can be bribed into ''not'' murdering everything he sees.
* HollywoodSilencer: Notably averted in Episode 3. The report of Pip's gun as he fires it is recognizable as a gunshot, just somewhat quieter and layered over with the classic "fwip" sound effect.
* IdiotHero: Alucard, [[ObfuscatingStupidity even though he's clearly not one]], will occasionally invoke a more immature attitude if it helps him to better screw with his opponents' heads. Although you can't help but wonder if that attitude is ''always'' invoked when you remember that the whole reason he dismembered Luke Valentine was because he was rudely interrupted while in the middle of watching WesternAnimation/AdventureTime...
* IDoNotOwn: Parodied in episode 3:
--> '''Jan Valentine''': The following is a fan-based parody. ''Hellsing Ultimate'' is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse--the fuck is this?! You assholes brought me BackFromTheDead to read this legal bullshit?! No no no no no! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Fuck! That!]] If I'm gonna come back to life to read a fucking line, then it's gonna be ''[[ClusterFBomb my]]'' [[ClusterFBomb kinda fuckin' line.]] *clears throat* My throbbing vampire ''dick'' is a fan-based parody. Its shaft, balls, and scrotum, are property of ''me'', Jan Valentine, and whatever bitch I happen to be giving it to at the time. Please support my dick by helping with its ''official release''. You know you want to.
* IKnowYouKnowIKnow: [[spoiler: The Major's true intentions were willingly letting Integra know about Millennium's plan so she can plan around their plan. Now they, in turn, will plan around the plan that she is planning about their plan. The Doctor, naturally, thinks it's absolutely brilliant.]]
* INeedAFreakingDrink: A non-alcoholic example; when the fight between Alucard and Anderson in the art gallery has narrowly been averted by Seras and some pensioners, Maxwell--temporarily united with Integra in a 'What the hell just happened?' moment--asks if she wants to go get some coffee. To which she responds "I'd love some."
** Pseudo example occurs in a lull during Alucard's fight with Alhambra (whose enchanted cards make it difficult for Alucard to regenerate from attacks):
--->'''Alucard''': ''(in a pool of his own blood)'' Eugh...I could really use a drink...I'm not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore...that guy's got magic cards...and magic hands...
* ImAHumanitarian: "BITCH I EAT PEOPLE!"
** After explaining ''why'' his hotel room is full of dead bodies:
--> "Silver lining? I can cancel my room service!"
* InLoveWithYourCarnage: Alucard towards Police Girl... and ''the Queen'' towards Alucard, to the point where she asks Alucard to record the dying screams of the Major when they kill him just so she can go to sleep listening to it.
* InsaneTrollLogic: By Alucard's reasoning, the attacks are clearly by some large organized group, the Nazis were an large organized group, so it must be Nazis. He's right.
* IronicEcho: During Alucard's fight with Alhambra.
--> '''Alhambra''': You activated my trap card.\\
'''Alucard''': Shame on you. You activated my Alu-card.
** And again, for Rip Van Winkle.
--> '''RVW''': Check your privilege!\\
'''Alucard''': Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!
** Delivered by Integra as far back as Episode 2-
-->'''Jan''': ''*singing*'' I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck...\\
'''Integra''': Oh I'm sorry, ''we don't give a fuck''.
* JerkassStu: Despite the comedic tone of the series, it has a surprisingly good deconstruction of this trope. This version of Alucard lacks any sense of true loyalty to Integra and, as a result, [[KarmaHoudini can quite literally get away with]] ''[[KarmaHoudini anything]]'' [[KarmaHoudini he wants]] in-universe. While people will complain, they won't actually do anything to stop him because [[PersonOfMassDestruction nobody]] ''[[PersonOfMassDestruction can]]''. Integra shows just how infuriating and hate-inspiring such a character would be on several occasions. On the plus side, she ''does'' find ways to use his power to her advantage (see {{Guile Hero}}ine).
* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk [=/=] {{Troll}}: Alucard's characterization can basically be summed up as this, but ''especially'' towards Integra. There is no indication that he follows her orders out of any sense of loyalty. Rather, it seems like she's just bribing him not to destroy everything and because he has nothing better to do and sometimes because it just amuses him.
* JiveTurkey: Alucard telling his story in Brazil.
* JumpScare: Episode 3 has Alucard do this with the Wild Geese.
--> '''Alucard''': HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?
* LargeHam: Alucard doesn't so much [[ChewingTheScenery chew the scenery]] as he does [[UpToEleven masticate entire sets]]. Jan is also very fond of getting his ham on, for reasons obvious to anyone who's seen the show.
** And Anderson. Definitely Anderson.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: Alucard [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] it in his first field report. "It's like I didn't just get through explaining this!"
* LiteralGenie: Integra's bribe comes back to bite her when Alucard refuses to leave the basement when the Valentine brothers attack.
* {{Metaphorgotten}}: In the latest of his hundreds of death threats to the pope, Alucard says that he sends so many because he wants to instill as much fear as he can...like basting a turkey. Which he will then proceed to have sex with. This ends with him saying that he's going to "fuck the fear turkey".
* MomentKiller: An odd example. Police Girl stops Alucard and Anderson by leading a large group of old people between them. [[LampshadeHanging They both comment on this.]]
* MoodDissonance: So what theme did they go with for abridging a series so violent and bloody? "Party, Party, Party" by Music/AndrewWK.
* MoodWhiplash: A scene usually described as terrifying is, in contrary to the rest of the episode, ''absolutely not played for laughs''.
* INeedAFreakingDrink: Alucard after the fight with Alhambra.
* NeverMessWithGranny: Queen Elizabeth II is the only person Alucard respects on a personal level, and is very near his level of psychopathy. Their flirting even forces one man to swear off sex due to the raunchiness of it. If that isn't enough, they even did it '''during the blitz''' ([[GenderBender when Alucard was]] [[BiTheWay a girl]]).
* NoManOfWomanBorn: Rip Van Winkle tries to invoke this when Alucard goes and attacks the carrier she overran. [[spoiler:She's unsuccessful]].
* NoodleIncident: While going over one of the problems Alucard caused:
-->'''Sir Islands''': And while the mime did survive, he'll never walk again.
* NotMeThisTime: Alucard really didn't do anything to cause the police to raid his hotel room.
-->'''Integra''': What. Did you do?
-->'''Alucard''': Oh, alright. But you can't be mad at me.
-->'''Integra''': ''What. Did you do?''
-->'''Alucard''': Okay, first... I was just minding my own business--
--> (desk slam)
-->'''Integra''': '''BULLSHIT!'''
-->'''Alucard''': ''(in whining, childish tone)'' ''I was!''
* [[OhCrap Oh Fuck All Kinds Of Duck]]: Several:
** When Integra realizes that Anderson was in Ireland on the same mission as Alucard.
** When Alexander Anderson think's he's killed Alucard:
--->'''Integra''': Where the hell is Alucard?
--->'''Anderson''': Oh, him? I killed him!
--->'''Integra''': Killed him?
--->'''Anderson''': Cut off his bloody head!
--->'''Integra''': Oh. Well, that's step one. What about two through ten?
--->'''Anderson''': Ah, Christ!
** Jan, upon seeing Police Girl has an anti-tank rifle.
*** And when he charges into the boardroom to find Integra and everyone else aiming a gun in his direction. "Well, that's not fair at all..."
** Luke, upon seeing how huge the stairs leading to the manor from Alucard's room are.[[note]]Not to mention his legs aren't connected to him any more...[[/note]]
** Rip Van Winkle when she first feels Alucard coming. And again when he catches her bullet in his teeth.
* OohMeAccentsSlipping:
** Rarely, but it happens. On the whole it's a lot better about averting it than most.
** Noticeable from Seras near the end of Episode 2.
* TheOtherDarrin: In the first episode, Walter is voiced by LittleKuriboh. The second and third episodes replaces him with WeeklyTubeShow.
* OvertOperative: Scarlet Tampon is an unintentional one:
-->'''Alucard:''' Oh, and tell that guy to stop spying on me, it's creepy!
-->'''Scarlet Tampon:''' Shit shit shit!
* PedophilePriest: The most common insult Alucard levels against catholic characters.
** In the promo for Episode 4, Maxwell interrogates a priest who has been spying on Iscariot for Millennium. Maxwell assumed it was the offer of immortality, but the priest simply says it was one "amongst other things". Maxwell is [[EvenEvilHasStandards positively disgusted]].
* PetTheDog: Alucard is a ''very'' unusual example towards Seras. After saving her just because she "has nice tits", he seems to develop ''some'' relationship with her, such as offering her to kill zombies (which actually impresses him when she does so), requesting a new gun for her (which is later changed to a cannon. Because bitches love cannons, which happens to be a {{BFG}}), and apparently shares his room with her while taking her and Pip with him on his vacation to Brazil. Also, he's quick to shoot Schrodinger's head off when he thinks the kid is bothering her.
* PlayingWithPuppets: "''[[WhiteChicks White Chicks]]'' was amazing..."
--> '''Alucard''': He believes it, too!
--> '''Pip''': [[NoJustNoReaction UGH!]]
* PowerIsSexy: Seras seems to get rather ''into'' her blood rages...
** InterplayOfSexAndViolence: ... Alucard, on the other hand, doesn't even bother with the subtext and is positively ''aroused'' by her displays.
*** Same for Jan, who, after seeing his ghouls getting ripped to shreds by Seras, calmly quips "Well, at least I'll die with a raging boner."
** Getting berated by Integra is a turn-on for Alucard, much to his displeasure.
** [[DirtyOldWoman The Queen of England]] as well, surprisingly enough. And by surprising, I mean [[BrainBleach absolutely horrifying.]]
-->"[[HeroicBSOD I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN!]]"
* PreAsskickingOneLiner: Alucard's fight with Luke:
-->'''Alucard''': Release restraint level one.
-->'''Luke''': Level what?
** And his fight with [[DeathDealer Alhambra]], doubling as a pun.
-->'''Alucard''': Oh, shame for you. You've activated my Alu-Card.
** Coupled with IronicEcho, Alucard to Rip Van Winkle, after she called him a racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, homophobic, misogynistic pig:
-->'''Alucard''': The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, ''I hate everyone equally'', and there's ''NO ONE ALIVE'' who could comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, ''Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!''
* PsychopathicManchild: Alucard was watching cartoons in his room before Luke busted in, then proceeded to eat Luke for destroying his TV. Considering who voices him, it's expected.
* PunctuatedForEmphasis:
-->'''The Major''': I! Want! WORLD! ''WAR!'' '''THREE!!!'''
* PuppyDogEyes: When the Police Girl is dying and stares at him Alucard complains the Police Girl is guilting him by looking like a "blonde, eviscerated puppy".
* RageAgainstTheAuthor: Jan Valentine goes completely off the rails when reading the disclaimer.
* RagingStiffie: Why Alucard prefers to be on the phone with Integra when she chews him out.
** She's aware. He confronts her with it at the beginning of Episode 4.
* RedEyesTakeWarning: Guess what color Police Girl's irises turn when she has one of her little moments.
-->"What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?"
** Every vampire's eyes turn red in shadow.
* ReversePsychology: Used by Walter on Alucard to trick him into going on a mission to Brazil. [[spoiler: It works.]]
* RuleOfFunny: The bases of the shows.
** Almost anything Alucard says/does.
* RunningGag: Alucard's "walks".
* SelfMadeOrphan: At least Self-Made Half-Orphan. According to Alucard, his father was the most satisfying person he ever killed.
* SexIsViolence
** After Seras demolishes his ghouls, Jan says that he's going to "die with a [[RagingStiffie raging boner]]".
** When Seras leads the seniors between Alucard and Anderson, Alucard says that his boner is gone and Anderson even calls it a [[MomentKiller mood killer]].
** The Major, especially after his comment on the UsefulNotes/ColdWar.
--> '''The Major''': Blue-balled for forty years.
* ShoutOut: It's Creator/TeamFourStar, so it's a given:
** In the very first scene, Alucard and Police Girl kill [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward and Bella]].
** Actually [[{{Deconstruction}} deconstructed]] when Alucard points out that Anderson apparently stole all his speeches from ''TheBoondockSaints''.
*** One of the only lines he didn't take from the movie was "It's a shame for ya lost yer head. A careless Vampire who wound up dead, ya wore yer sin like it was some kinda prize. Too many lies...Too many lies." That line is a slightly modified set of the opening lyrics to Wrestling/{{WWE}} superstar {{Sheamus}}' [[{{Leitmotif}} theme]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYgzxDEudJA song]].
** "And I'm Franchise/CarmenSandiego! Guess where I am!"
** ''[[TheBoondocks "You were talking all that GOOD shit a second ago!"]] Then I blew your fucking legs off!''
** '''"WE'RE HERE ON [[WebVideo/EpicMealTime EPIC MEAL TIME]]! I'M THE SAUCEBOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLONDE LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD ''BITCH!'''''"
** {{Smark}}s who visit the [[ProfessionalWrestling /wooo/]] section of 420chan will immediately recognize Seras' cry of "ARMBARS EVERYWHERE!" when she restrains Jan Valentine.
** "You know what? Fuck it. ''[[TheAnnoyingOrange Knife!]]''"
** ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'' and ''Manga/HighSchoolOfTheDead''.
*** The heavy implication being that the whole reason HSOD started was because Alucard was 99.9% done with the mission when he left--which gets even more hilarious when you consider that Kohta Hirano is a character in that show based on ''Hellsing'''s mangaka, and sharing the same name.
** [[VideoGame/BrutalLegend DECAPITATIOOOOOON!]]
*** [[Music/BonJovi SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!]]
** After realizing what a bored Alucard would do if Hellsing's funding is cut off, one of the Round Table says [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} "Shut up and take our money!"]]
*** Also, in Episode 3, Alucard was making [[Film/TheThreeStooges "whoop whoop whoop"]] noises while walking up a wall of a building.
** To the DragonBallAbridged 'kaio-what' running gag, in Alucard's own powerup sequence:
-->'''Alucard''': Release restraint level one.
-->'''Luke''': Level what? ''*leg gets shot off*''
*** And when Jan's self-destruct chip went off, he screamed "And now I'm on fucking fire!" nearly mirroring the last Kanassan's dying moment "[[NoIndoorVoice I'M ON FIRE.]]"
** To WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries: "Give me a hug!"
** After [[BattleButler Walter]] introduces himself, Jan refers to him as [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Alfred]]. In the same line, he also calls him [[JeevesAndWooster Jeeves]].
** You can hear the [[{{Homestuck}} Squiddles]] theme song in the background during Anderson and Alucard's almost-fight in the art gallery. They also use some music from Anime/TheBigO in that episode too...
** In Episode 3 we get "[[Franchise/YuGiOh you activated my trap card/Alucard.]]"
** Rip Van Winkle seems to exist to give Internet shoutouts; she's basically become Tumblr personified.
*** She references ''The Game'', ''LiveActionTV/DoctorWho'', ''{{WebOriginal/Homestuck}}'', "checking your privilege", rainbows, and tacos.
*** She directly references ''{{VideoGame/Portal}}'' by painting "TheCakeIsALie" on the hull of the aircraft carrier in blood, and Rick-Rolling by singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."
*** Every time she aims her rifle, and then when she fires at Alucard (before the laser sound effects kick in), it makes the sound of [[VideoGame/LeagueOfLegends Caitlyn's Ace in the Hole ability activating, then firing.]]
*** The Germans are also glad she's no longer going on about [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of the winter.]]
* ShowyInvincibleHero: Alucard, and he knows it.
* SidetrackedByTheAnalogy: One of Alucard's many death threats to the Pope mention he sends them so much to instill as much fear as possible "as if basting a turkey". He then goes on to mention how he will "fuck the fear turkey".
* SmallGirlBigGun: "Bitches love cannons".
* SmugSuper: Alucard.
-->''(while arguing with Integra)'': What are you going to do? Grab the guy who can stop me? What was his name... Michael [=McDoesn'tExist=]?
* {{Spoonerism}}: Alucard is a "fuck-mothering vampire"
* StealthPun: Rip van Winkle talks about her kind of ship being "filled with blood and seamen".
* StraightMan: Luke, to Jan and Alucard.
* StockFootage: Whenever Alucard and Integra are on the phone together.
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: Alucard and Anderson, in terms of killing leprechauns.
-->'''Alucard''': I've never hunted down a leprechaun before. Do you think if I shoot them with my gun, Lucky Charms will explode everywhere?
-->'''Anderson''': I've never actually found one, but do you think if I cut one open with my knife it would spill out Lucky Charms?
** During the 2013 TFS 18+ panel at Youmacon, this question was answered. They went and killed one during their spare time off-screen.
-->'''Anderson''': Turns out it was Boo Berry.
-->'''Alucard''': Who knew, right?
* StupidSexyFlanders: When Alucard first sees Schrodinger, he mentions the "Return of the ''why-boner.'' '''With a vengeance.'''"
* SuicideAsComedy: Alucard tells the mistress a story:
-->'''Alucard:''' ...And I killed all but one of them.\\
'''Integra:''' What happened to the last one?\\
''(In Alucard's flashback, the last soldier shoots himself in the head.)''\\
'''Alucard:''' PUSSED OUT LIKE A ''BITCH!''
* TakeThat
** To ''Twilight'' in Episode 1.
** Also from the first episode:
--> '''Alucard:''' ''(Sniff sniff)'' Huh? Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. ''(Anderson turns the corner)'' Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church. And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? ''Progress!''
** And in Episode 3 after he and Anderson decide not to get into a fight:
--> '''Alucard''': "Kill you later, you Catholic sociopath! Whoops, tautology!"
** 3D gets one in Episode 2 when Alucard says "Its a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!"
** Rip Van Winkle is basically a huge TakeThat to social justice warriors, meme overdose, and Tumblr in general.
* TemptingFate: At the end of episode 4, as a full-on war between Hellsing, Iscariot, and Millenium kicks off:
-->'''Alucard''': I better not [[DeusExitMachina miss]] a damn thing.
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Alucard delivers a particularly venemous one in Episode 3 to Enrico Maxwell.
-->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a ''woman'', you must've started with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine year old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right, generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back.
* ThisIsForEmphasisBitch
* ThoseWackyNazis
* {{Troll}}: Alucard. See EvilIsPetty above.
* {{Tsundere}}: Alucard towards Integra
* UnstoppableRage: Seras goes into one destroying Jan Valentine's ghouls. Integra later calls it a "Blood Rage", implying it's something that all true vampires can do.
* VerbalBackspace:
--> '''Alucard:''' "Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got things to do."
--> '''Integra:''' "What ''things''? You don't do ''things''!"
--> '''Alucard:''' "Yes I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods."
--> '''Integra:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "And kill homicidal vampire priests?"]]
--> '''Alucard:''' "'''Very''' enthusiastic walks."
* WeAllLiveInAmerica: Episode 2 mentions that Alucard crashed Integra's father's car into a Dairy Queen, but they have no branches in England, where Hellsing's HQ is situated. Mind you, it ''would'' fit Alucard's character here to take said car all the way to the USA ''just'' to smash it into a Dairy Queen, as well as the possibility he crashed it during a mission there.
* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The [[EyesDoNotBelongThere eyes]] on Alucard's first-restraint-released form were at one point planned to be digitally replaced with [[WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged Mr. Popo faces]], but this was abandoned for being too difficult to edit.
* WhatMeasureIsAMook:
-->'''Alucard:''' Hey guys, how's your health plan? ''*SWAT team opens fire*'' Apparently it's great!
-->''*carnage and gore ensue as the cops finally retreat into the elevator*''
-->'''Integra:''' Walter, be honest with me: what are we looking at in terms of collateral?
-->'''Walter:''' Well...''*Alucard walks out of elevator filled with corpses*'' the ''[[SociopathicHero Alucard]]'' amount.
* WrestlerInAllOfUs: Arm bars, everywhere!
* YouAreWhatYouHate: Rip Van Winkle viciously criticizes Alucard for being bigoted. This coming from a [[ThoseWackyNazis Nazi.]] He throws this back in her face by pointing out that he's actually [[HatesEveryoneEqually not a bigot.]]
* YourMom: Alucard gives a particularly nice one to the SWAT team who bust into his room.
-->'''Alucard''': One of them yelled out:
-->'''Cop''': DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!
-->'''Alucard''': And ''I'' responded with: '''I KNOCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT!!'''
--> ({{Beat}})
-->'''Alucard''': And they took exception to that.
* YourVampiresSuck: Towards ''Twilight'', in Episode 1. See the quote above.
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