History Recap / GleeS4E13DIVA

* NotImportantToThisEpisodeCamp: Mr. Schue, Beiste, Joe and Sugar.

Next Time: The last of the series' ValentinesDayEpisodes, featuring an alleged wedding, a case of PairTheSpares that isn't repugnant... and a TearJerker subplot rich in [[HarsherInHindsight harsher hindsight]].

* NotImportantToThisEpisodeCamp: Beiste and Sugar.

[[caption-width-right:350:[[Theatre/HedwigAndTheAngryInch Hedwig]] meets Creator/FreddieMercury]]

We start our divalicious business in [=NYADA=], where Kurt is observing a class that ostensibly is designed for all to showcase their talents; since the episode is called "DIVA", we need not guess who's monopolizing the time. Our resident [[PrideBeforeAFall diva]]'s ego been [[SmallNameBigEgo pinged]] since she won the Winter Showcase. There is of course only one thing to do to counteract this: hop on the horn to Dear Lucy, whom we know will help Rachel cool down and relax... Ahem. We then get a montage of her questionable bathroom habits, her surrounding herself by your basic sycophants, the basic moves. However, there is important relevance here, as one of said sycophants mentions a revival of Funny Girl. This will become important later. Rachel demurs on the suggestion to audition, but it's not a spoiler to say she'll change her tune right quick. Kurt sadly anticipated this; that as Rachel's self-confidence grows, so does the dubious traits and basically her Season 1 characterization has been ramped up. But if you think this is bad? Wait. Just wait. As you'd expect, there is always PrideBeforeAFall and thus Kurt plans to see to it that she will fall so hard as we hit the TitleCard.

Lounge. Emma is having a small meltdown over wedding plans; seems the wedding is a little over a week from now, and she's panicking over doing things alone. Turns out, Will's thing in DC was a success; budgets cut by 35% instead of half (of course this plot point will be completely forgotten soon) and, because of course, she's talking to the one person on staff whose face says he is completely unprepared to be an adult. Finn is concerned that Will will give him the boot when he returns... you do realize the man worships the ground you walk on, right? You need not worry. In that mindset, he ignores all Emma's problems and starts talking over her about his worries for Regionals, because he can't work with the kids like Will did. Though he's a jerk, Emma's thankful for the distraction and tells him to copy Will: make the kids compete against each other. She amends this, using common sense to fix the idea by adding that they need to improve and work together. Therefore, she will serve as in this vast diva-off, as we cut to the choir room where Finn reveals an entire Diva Week, the idea being to find the inner powerhouse. After a funny juxtaposition of Emma reading from Urban Dictionary, we get Blaine as a challenger, followed by Unique and then Tina, then surprisingly Marley; eventually, this leads to the runway I mean auditorium for some Beyonce. Afterwards, it's to Bushwick where Rachel's caterwauling has woken Kurt up; when she tries to assert herself over him, he unloads on her, telling her that she may have won the Winter Showcase but he had the showstopper performance. She then tries to counter by reminding him of her winning the first [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels diva-off]], only for him to put a pin in it by telling her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad. Ego finally deflated for now, we cut to Blaine who appears to be under the weather; this less than healthy Anderson naturally draws in Tina, who offers him basic cold remedies. This on the surface appears rather benign, but it will serve a more dubious purpose later on. Anyway, Blaine to show the guys that men can be divas too. Therefore it's back to the choir room for some Queen, Blaine going the full Mercury and rocking it.

After the break, we find that apparently, Blaine didn't demonstrate diva-dom enough, because Finn feels the need to give the club an example; saying that true divas aren't mortal, but more like the Loch Ness Monster or [[Literature/TheHobbit Smeagol]]. Emma adds that divas breed brilliance, which is true, but sometimes they breed insanity, such as, let's say... having the boneheaded idea to dump their soulmate because they had a brief emotional crisis rather than sort out their problems? Yep, Finn got on the horn to Louisville and brought in Santana to come and show them all how it's done, complete with [=UoL=] Cardinals and some Ike/Tina Turner. Now you'll notice that unlike the last few times Santana came back, Brittany looks sad; this is because seeing her in the uniform drove home the point that San was moving on. Not helping matters was Santana repeating her actions from the end of Season 2 and announcing that one of the random cheerleaders is her new girlfriend. Not a spoiler to say she's lying because she's not over Brittany and doesn't want it to show. And it's fortunate that this cheerleader is right at hand because as will be revealed later, not only did Santana drop out of college, but she got the rest of the Cardinals to join her. Cut to [=WestBerry=], where we find out that Kurt and Rachel are involved in what's called "Midnight Madness", which is Film/FightClub minus punching plus runs. The sycophants from earlier arrive to seemingly assuage the ego, but then they start going after Kurt as a person and of course we see that Rachel isn't exactly heartless. This of course causes Kurt to arrive and defend himself as we cut to Emma and a pamphlet reading "So She Moved In With Someone Else". This of course is because Finn saw Rachel change her Facebook status to "Shacked Up" and while the two are seemingly amicable right now, it doesn't change the fact that Rachel has moved on and Finn's still hung up on her, pretty much being a case of SingleTargetSexuality and no, we won't yell at him right now because we begrudgingly admit he has the right to feel that way. Emma wants to get him to shut up so just tells him to go find a random girl, like a 26yo math sub. Finn then ACTUALLY ADMITS HE'S A MAN CHILD...

...BlueScreenOfDeath...

...holy shit he said it. I... need a moment...

...and I'm back. Anyway, Finn, if you need someone, you can borrow Santana's cheerleader! Well, if any cheerleader is straight any more. She asks for his advice with flowers in return, and he chooses white because it's pure just like her, but this makes her think that he's mocking her for being a virgin for so long. One step forward, two steps back for him I see. Cut to the auditorium for the epic battle of Trouty Mouth vs. Auntie Snixx; seems Santana found out about the hideousness and, like the rest of us, is not at all pleased that Trouts got his lips on her. This of course leads to a vocal duel, which Santana wins, but we're meant to believe that neither can definitively tell who was better. It of course shouldn't matter, because Santana should've never dumped Brit-Brit in the first place! The Bicorn in question also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy, though we'd like to think that it's because she's starting to realize what she's coming home to every night. And now, because there's been too much Trouty already this episode and also, MoodWhiplash, we see Tina V/Oing about how in her mind Santana bested her again. Right. She then laments her lack of "divahood" causing Blaine to invite her over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Cut to Blaine's room, where he produces a playlist of songs for Tina to find her "inner diva" with and we find out that apart from [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS2E14BlameItOnTheAlcohol kissing Rachel]], Blaine's never been with a girl. This does not please the Cohen-Chang, so she decides to express herself in a rather dubious fashion. The cold medicine Blaine took knocks him out, so Tina tells the log that [[AllLoveIsUnrequited she's in love]] with him. Oh joy. Of course, there's no response, so she responds by [[DudeShesLikeInAComa taking off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest]]... yeah no. Tina, you're many things right now, but first and foremost is an idiot. This would be referred to as the "vapo-rape". Because Murphy. And then, moar MoodWhiplash as we cut to the massive [=NYADA=] diva-off that is Midnight Madness. With a name like that, you'd expect it to be cooler than a bunch of dance students singing show tunes in their college with the lights out, but that's what it is. It's one song at a time, two singers per song, go flat and you're out. Brody's description is more dramatic than it should be: "a challenge to the death with one song that will give eternal glory to the winner." Our challengers take to the battlefield and the fight is on with ''Theatre/LesMiserables'' as the weapon. Afterwards, we find that shockingly, Hummel won. And we're not sarcastic, we actually thought Rachel would reassert her divadom. This loss, plus Kurt throwing it to make her win in high school has really shot Rachel's confidence; it of course soon comes back, because this is Glee, this is Rachel, and today's lesson is about having self-confidence in yourself no matter what other people do. Are they better than you? Doesn't stop you from being good! Well, that and Brittana need to get back together.

We return from break and speak of the devils both coincidental and Tracksuit! After grumbling about how the ND expats clearly have no lives (sorta true), we then find out that of course Sue knows that Santana's dropped out. She asks Sue not to tell her mom, to which Sue says that she can't because she doesn't know Spanish. Santana doesn't bother to correct her, but does look confusedly amused. However, bitchiness is always a viable resource, so as such Sue offers her the position of coaching the Cheerios! She thinks it's great because then she'll be closer to Brit. Sounds a little too good huh? It is as we cut to Tina who is about ready to go full Quinn Fabray, not impressed that Blaine can't see how obvious her feelings for him are, or the chemistry between them. This is because [[IncompatibleOrientation he's gay]]. He says sorry about that, and invites her to be his friend-date to Will's wedding (this doesn't happen, duh.) Tina is hung up on Blaine, and of course this leads to the courtyard and the relevant Madonna, Jenna showing us all why she should've gotten more solos. Afterwards, it's back to [=NYADA=] where Kurt is telling Adam about how it was dumb luck that he won Midnight Madness. This draws in the sycophants but Kurt will have none of them, instead finding Rachel who is still rattled, so much so that she doesn't even wanna audition for Funny Girl. Wow.

After the break it's back to the choir room for the home stretch and apparently there was dinner for two offered for the diva-off, which Tina wins. She is pleased at this vindication, as is Blaine, who offers flowers as an apology for... something. Obviously he's not aware of her misplaced feelings or her dubious bad touching. He offers to take her to Wemma's wedding as we cut to Rachel forlorn. Kurt tries to snap her out of it, telling her they got the last auditions slots for Funny Girl. Rachel[[spoiler:, correctly predicting her characterization for the back end of Season 5,]] then asks if getting the part would ramp her ego up bigger. [[spoiler: Yes. Yes it would.]] Kurt tells her being a diva isn't just ego, it's talent and ambition. Of course the peptalk snaps her out of her funk, and they embrace. However, not all parties are as calm, as we see Emma at the end of her wedding planning rope. Finn makes the mistake of getting in the way until Emma finally blows her top and is about to tell him to fuck off for once but then... [[ShutUpKiss he kisses her]]... what. (rewinds)... yep. He kisses her. He kisses his mentor's fiancee, and fellow co-worker. Oh, Finn, you think you clever. Lure us into a false sense of security, actually make us think you have a brain, then spring this. We're on to you Fudson and therefore, in every way that counts, Finn Hudson... ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT.]]''

And from one lack of brain to another, we cut back to the stage where Brittany has summoned She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to dump her. We do, it's because Ryan Murphy couldn't write his way out of his own ass. However, this is where we see that Brittany's still ahead of the curb. See, after the initial heartbreak, Brit-Brit reevaluated, and realized that while she needed someone for casual sex as far as the physical goes, she also realized that once again, Santana needs to sort herself out before she can be with her. So, like Season 2, Brit cares about Trouty, but doesn't love him, for her heart will always be with one girl. She tells Santana to be some place where she can be herself, Brit knowing that eventually they'll be together. For now though, she let's her go, saying that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too; sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is). As Brit leaves, Santana goes into some Alicia Keys, singing from Lima to New York and three guesses where she moves into. Yep. Kurtchel stand flummoxed as we exit.

* NotImportantToThisEpisodeCamp: Beiste and Sugar; the latter still working on the time machine but also knows not to interfere with Santana's moving on so as not to jeopardize her existence.

* ActorAllusion: Blaine's "diva" looks like a cross between Freddie Mercury/Creator/AdamLambert and Hedwig of ''Theatre/HedwigAndTheAngryInch'' - his actor famously performed "Don't Stop Me Now" (almost as much so as "Teenage Dream") and would later play Hedwig on Broadway, being one of three Glee stars to hop on the stage during the filming of the final season.

We start our divalicious business in [=NYADA=], where Kurt is observing a class that ostensibly is designed for all to showcase their talents; since the episode is called "DIVA", we need not guess who's monopolizing the time. Our resident [[PrideBeforeAFall diva]]'s ego been [[SmallNameBigEgo pinged]] since she won the Winter Showcase. There is of course only one thing to do to counteract this: hop on the horn to Dear Lucille, whom we know will help Rachel cool down and relax... Ahem. We then get a montage of her questionable bathroom habits, her surrounding herself by your basic sycophants, the basic moves. However, there is important relevance here, as one of said sycophants mentions a revival of Theater/FunnyGirl. This will become important later. Rachel demurs on the suggestion to audition, but it's not a spoiler to say she'll change her tune right quick. Kurt sadly anticipated this; that as Rachel's self-confidence grows, so does the dubious traits and basically her Season 1 characterization has been ramped up. But if you think this is bad? Wait. Just wait. As you'd expect, there is always PrideBeforeAFall and thus Kurt plans to see to it that she will fall so hard as we hit the TitleCard.

Lounge. Emma is having a small meltdown over wedding plans; seems the wedding is a little over a week from now, and she's panicking over doing things alone. Turns out, Will's thing in DC was a success; budgets cut by 35% instead of half (of course this plot point will be completely forgotten soon) and, because of course, she's talking to the one person on staff whose face says he is completely unprepared to be an adult. Finnegan is concerned that Will will give him the boot when he returns... you do realize the man worships the ground you walk on, right? You need not worry. In that mindset, he ignores all Emma's problems and starts talking over her about his worries for Regionals, because he can't work with the kids like Will did. Though he's a jerk, Emma's thankful for the distraction and tells him to copy Will: make the kids compete against each other. She amends this, using common sense to fix the idea by adding that they need to improve and work together. Therefore, she will serve as in this vast diva-off, as we cut to the choir room where Finn reveals an entire Diva Week, the idea being to find the inner powerhouse. After a funny juxtaposition of Emma reading from Urban Dictionary, we get Blaine as a challenger, followed by Unique and then Tina, then surprisingly Marley; eventually, this leads to the runway I mean auditorium for some Beyonce. Afterwards, it's to Bushwick where Rachel's caterwauling has woken Kurt up; when she tries to assert herself over him, he unloads on her, telling her that she may have won the Winter Showcase but he had the showstopper performance. She then tries to counter by reminding him of her winning the first [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels diva-off]], only for him to put a pin in it by telling her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad. Ego finally deflated for now, we cut to Blaine who appears to be under the weather; this less than healthy Anderson naturally draws in Tina, who offers him basic cold remedies. This on the surface appears rather benign, but it will serve a more dubious purpose later on. Anyway, Blaine to show the guys that men can be divas too. Therefore it's back to the choir room for some Queen, Blaine going the full Mercury and rocking it.

After the break, we find that apparently, Blaine didn't demonstrate diva-dom enough, because Finn feels the need to give the club an example; saying that true divas aren't mortal, but more like the Loch Ness Monster or [[Literature/TheHobbit Smeagol]]. Emma adds that divas breed brilliance, which is true, but sometimes they breed insanity, such as, let's say... having the boneheaded idea to dump their soulmate because they had a brief emotional crisis rather than sort out their problems? Yep, Finnegan got on the horn to Louisville and brought in Santana to come and show them all how it's done, complete with [=UoL=] Cardinals and some Ike/Tina Turner. Now you'll notice that unlike the last few times Santana came back, Brittany looks sad; this is because seeing her in the uniform drove home the point that San was moving on. Not helping matters was Santana repeating her actions from the end of Season 2 and announcing that one of the random cheerleaders is her new girlfriend. Not a spoiler to say she's lying because she's not over Brittany and doesn't want it to show. And it's fortunate that this cheerleader is right at hand because as will be revealed later, not only did Santana drop out of college, but she got the rest of the Cardinals to join her. Cut to [=WestBerry=], where we find out that Kurt and Rachel are involved in what's called "Midnight Madness", which is Film/FightClub minus punching plus runs. The sycophants from earlier arrive to seemingly assuage the ego, but then they start going after Kurt as a person and of course we see that Rachel isn't exactly heartless. This of course causes Kurt to arrive and defend himself as we cut to Emma and a pamphlet reading "So She Moved In With Someone Else". This of course is because Finnegan saw Rachel change her Facebook status to "Shacked Up" and while the two are seemingly amicable right now, it doesn't change the fact that Rachel has moved on and Finn's still hung up on her, pretty much being a case of SingleTargetSexuality and no, we won't yell at him right now because we begrudgingly admit he has the right to feel that way. Emma wants to get him to shut up so just tells him to go find a random girl, like a 26yo math sub. Finn then ACTUALLY ADMITS HE'S A MAN CHILD...

We return from break and speak of the devils both coincidental and Tracksuit! After grumbling about how the ND expats clearly have no lives (sorta true), we then find out that of course Sue knows that Santana's dropped out. She asks Sue not to tell her mom, to which Sue says that she can't because she doesn't know Spanish. Santana doesn't bother to correct her, but does look confusedly amused. However, bitchiness is always a viable resource, so as such Sue offers her the position of coaching the Cheerios! She thinks it's great because then she'll be closer to Brit. Sounds a little too good huh? It is as we cut to Tina who is about ready to go full Lucille Fabray, not impressed that Blaine can't see how obvious her feelings for him are, or the chemistry between them. This is because [[IncompatibleOrientation he's gay]]. He says sorry about that, and invites her to be his friend-date to Will's wedding (this doesn't happen, duh.) Tina is hung up on Blaine, and of course this leads to the courtyard and the relevant Madonna, Jenna showing us all why she should've gotten more solos. Afterwards, it's back to [=NYADA=] where Kurt is telling Adam about how it was dumb luck that he won Midnight Madness. This draws in the sycophants but Kurt will have none of them, instead finding Rachel who is still rattled, so much so that she doesn't even wanna audition for Funny Girl. Wow.

After the break it's back to the choir room for the home stretch and apparently there was dinner for two offered for the diva-off, which Tina wins. She is pleased at this vindication, as is Blaine, who offers flowers as an apology for... something. Obviously he's not aware of her misplaced feelings or her dubious bad touching. He offers to take her to Wemma's wedding as we cut to Rachel forlorn. Kurt tries to snap her out of it, telling her they got the last auditions slots for Funny Girl. Rachel[[spoiler:, correctly predicting her characterization for the back end of Season 5,]] then asks if getting the part would ramp her ego up bigger. [[spoiler: Yes. Yes it would.]] Kurt tells her being a diva isn't just ego, it's talent and ambition. Of course the peptalk snaps her out of her funk, and they embrace. However, not all parties are as calm, as we see Emma at the end of her wedding planning rope. Finn makes the mistake of getting in the way until Emma finally blows her top and is about to tell him to fuck off for once but then... [[ShutUpKiss he kisses her]]... what. (rewinds)... yep. He kisses her. He kisses his mentor's fiancee, and fellow co-worker. Oh, Finnegan, you think you clever. Lure us into a false sense of security, actually make us think you have a brain, then spring this. We're on to you Fudson and therefore, in every way that counts, Finnegan Hudson... ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT.]]''

* {{Foreshadowing}}: There is a mention of a revival of Theater/FunnyGirl; this will become a major plot element next season.

Lounge. Emma is having a small meltdown over wedding plans; seems the wedding is a little over a week from now, and she's panicking over doing things alone. Turns out, Will's thing in DC was a success; budgets cut by 35% instead of half (of course this plot point will be completely forgotten soon) and, because of course, she's talking to the one person on staff whose face says he is completely unprepared to be an adult. Finnegan is concerned that Will will give him the boot when he returns... you do realize the man worships the ground you walk on, right? You need not worry. In that mindset, he ignores all Emma's problems and starts talking over her about his worries for Regionals, because he can't work with the kids like Will did. Though he's somewhat insensitive, Emma's thankful for the distraction and tells him to copy Will: make the kids compete against each other. She amends this, using common sense to fix the idea by adding that they need to improve and work together. Therefore, she will serve as in this vast diva-off, as we cut to the choir room where Finn reveals an entire Diva Week, the idea being to find the inner powerhouse. After a funny juxtaposition of Emma reading from Urban Dictionary, we get Blaine as a challenger, followed by Unique and then Tina, then surprisingly Marley; eventually, this leads to the runway I mean auditorium for some Beyonce. Afterwards, it's to Bushwick where Rachel's caterwauling has woken Kurt up; when she tries to assert herself over him, he unloads on her, telling her that she may have won the Winter Showcase but he had the showstopper performance. She then tries to counter by reminding him of her winning the first [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels diva-off]], only for him to put a pin in it by telling her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad. Ego finally deflated for now, we cut to Blaine who appears to be under the weather; this less than healthy Anderson naturally draws in Tina, who offers him basic cold remedies. This on the surface appears rather benign, but it will serve a more dubious purpose later on. Anyway, Blaine to show the guys that men can be divas too. Therefore it's back to the choir room for some Queen, Blaine going the full Mercury and rocking it.

...and I'm back. Anyway, Finn, if you need someone, you can borrow Santana's cheerleader! Well, if any cheerleader is straight any more. She asks for his advice with flowers in return, and he chooses white because it's pure just like her, but this makes her think that he's mocking her for being a virgin for so long. One step forward, two steps back for him I see. Cut to the auditorium for the epic battle of Trouty Mouth vs. Auntie Snixx; seems Santana found out about the questionable relationship and, like many of us, is not at all pleased that Sam got his lips on her. This of course leads to a vocal duel. It of course shouldn't matter, because Santana should've never dumped Brit-Brit in the first place! The Bicorn in question also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy, though we'd like to think that it's because she's starting to realize what she's coming home to every night. And now, we see Tina V/Oing about how in her mind Santana bested her again. Right. She then laments her lack of "divahood" causing Blaine to invite her over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Cut to Blaine's room, where he produces a playlist of songs for Tina to find her "inner diva" with and we find out that apart from [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS2E14BlameItOnTheAlcohol kissing Rachel]], Blaine's never been with a girl. This does not please the Cohen-Chang, so she decides to express herself in a rather dubious fashion. The cold medicine Blaine took knocks him out, so Tina tells the log that [[AllLoveIsUnrequited she's in love]] with him. Oh joy. Of course, there's no response, so she responds by [[DudeShesLikeInAComa taking off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest]]... yeah no. Tina, you're many things right now, but first and foremost is an idiot. This would be referred to as the "vapo-rape". Because Murphy. And then, moar MoodWhiplash as we cut to the massive [=NYADA=] diva-off that is Midnight Madness. With a name like that, you'd expect it to be cooler than a bunch of dance students singing show tunes in their college with the lights out, but that's what it is. It's one song at a time, two singers per song, go flat and you're out. Brody's description is more dramatic than it should be: "a challenge to the death with one song that will give eternal glory to the winner." Our challengers take to the battlefield and the fight is on with ''Theatre/LesMiserables'' as the weapon. Afterwards, we find that shockingly, Hummel won. And we're not sarcastic, we actually thought Rachel would reassert her divadom. This loss, plus Kurt throwing it to make her win in high school has really shot Rachel's confidence; it of course soon comes back, because this is Glee, this is Rachel, and today's lesson is about having self-confidence in yourself no matter what other people do. Are they better than you? Doesn't stop you from being good! Well, that and Brittana need to get back together.

And from one lack of brain to another, we cut back to the stage where Brittany has summoned She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to dump her. We do, it's because Ryan Murphy couldn't write his way out of his own ass. However, this is where we see that Brittany's still ahead of the curb. See, after the initial heartbreak, Brit-Brit reevaluated, and realized that while she needed someone for casual sex as far as the physical goes, she also realized that once again, Santana needs to sort herself out before she can be with her. So, like Season 2, Brit cares about Sam, but doesn't love him, for her heart will always be with one girl. She tells Santana to be some place where she can be herself, Brit knowing that eventually they'll be together. For now though, she let's her go, saying that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too; sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is). As Brit leaves, Santana goes into some Alicia Keys, singing from Lima to New York and three guesses where she moves into. Yep. Kurtchel stand flummoxed as we exit.

Lounge. Emma is having a small meltdown over wedding plans; seems the wedding is a little over a week from now, and she's panicking over doing things alone. Turns out, Will's thing in DC was a success; budgets cut by 35% instead of half (of course this plot point will be completely forgotten soon) and, because of course, she's talking to the one person on staff whose face says he is completely unprepared to be an adult. Finnegan is concerned that Will will give him the boot when he returns... you do realize the man worships the ground you walk on, right? You need not worry. In that mindset, he ignores all Emma's problems and starts talking over her about his worries for Regionals, because he can't work with the kids like Will did. Though he's a jerk, Emma's thankful for the distraction and tells him to copy Will: make the kids compete against each other. She amends this, using common sense to fix the idea by adding that they need to improve and work together. Therefore, she will serve as in this vast diva-off, as we cut to the choir room where Finn reveals an entire Diva Week, the idea being to find the inner powerhouse. After a funny juxtaposition of Emma reading from Urban Dictionary, we get Blaine as a challenger, followed by Unique and then Tina, then surprisingly Marley; eventually, this leads to the runway I mean auditorium for some Beyonce. Afterwards, it's to Bushwick where Rachel's caterwauling has woken Kurt up; when she tries to assert herself over him, he unloads on her, telling her that she may have won the Winter Showcase but he had the showstopper performance. She then tries to counter by reminding him of her winning the first [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels diva-off]], only for him to put a pin in it by telling her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad. Ego finally deflated for now, we cut to Blaine who appears to be under the weather; this less than healthy Anderson naturally draws in Tina, who offers him basic cold remedies. This on the surface appears rather benign, but it will serve a more dubious purpose later on. Anyway, Blaine to show the guys that men can be divas too. Therefore it's back to the choir room for some Queen, Blaine going the full Mercury and rocking it.

...and I'm back. Anyway, Finn, if you need someone, you can borrow Santana's cheerleader! Well, if any cheerleader is straight any more. She asks for his advice with flowers in return, and he chooses white because it's pure just like her, but this makes her think that he's mocking her for being a virgin for so long. One step forward, two steps back for him I see. Cut to the auditorium for the epic battle of Trouty Mouth vs. Auntie Snixx; seems Santana found out about the hideousness and, like the rest of us, is not at all pleased that Trouts got his lips on her. This of course leads to a vocal duel, which Santana wins, but we're meant to believe that neither can definitively tell who was better. It of course shouldn't matter, because Santana should've never dumped Brit-Brit in the first place! The Bicorn in question also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy, though we'd like to think that it's because she's starting to realize what she's coming home to every night. And now, because there's been too much Trouty already this episode and also, MoodWhiplash, we see Tina V/Oing about how in her mind Santana bested her again. Right. She then laments her lack of "divahood" causing Blaine to invite her over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Cut to Blaine's room, where he produces a playlist of songs for Tina to find her "inner diva" with and we find out that apart from [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/GleeS2E14BlameItOnTheAlcohol kissing Rachel]], Blaine's never been with a girl. This does not please the Cohen-Chang, so she decides to express herself in a rather dubious fashion. The cold medicine Blaine took knocks him out, so Tina tells the log that [[AllLoveIsUnrequited she's in love]] with him. Oh joy. Of course, there's no response, so she responds by [[DudeShesLikeInAComa taking off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest]]... yeah no. Tina, you're many things right now, but first and foremost is an idiot. This would be referred to as the "vapo-rape". Because Murphy. And then, moar MoodWhiplash as we cut to the massive [=NYADA=] diva-off that is Midnight Madness. With a name like that, you'd expect it to be cooler than a bunch of dance students singing show tunes in their college with the lights out, but that's what it is. It's one song at a time, two singers per song, go flat and you're out. Brody's description is more dramatic than it should be: "a challenge to the death with one song that will give eternal glory to the winner." Our challengers take to the battlefield and the fight is on with ''Theatre/LesMiserables'' as the weapon. Afterwards, we find that shockingly, Hummel won. And we're not sarcastic, we actually thought Rachel would reassert her divadom. This loss, plus Kurt throwing it to make her win in high school has really shot Rachel's confidence; it of course soon comes back, because this is Glee, this is Rachel, and today's lesson is about having self-confidence in yourself no matter what other people do. Are they better than you? Doesn't stop you from being good! Well, that and Brittana need to get back together.

And from one lack of brain to another, we cut back to the stage where Brittany has summoned She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to dump her. We do, it's because Ryan Murphy couldn't write his way out of his own ass. However, this is where we see that Brittany's still ahead of the curb. See, after the initial heartbreak, Brit-Brit reevaluated, and realized that while she needed someone for casual sex as far as the physical goes, she also realized that once again, Santana needs to sort herself out before she can be with her. So, like Season 2, Brit cares about Trouty, but doesn't love him, for her heart will always be with one girl. She tells Santana to be some place where she can be herself, Brit knowing that eventually they'll be together. For now though, she let's her go, saying that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too; sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is). As Brit leaves, Santana goes into some Alicia Keys, singing from Lima to New York and three guesses where she moves into. Yep. Kurtchel stand flummoxed as we exit.

The new New Directions kids aren't confident enough or something, so they're having a diva-off of massive proportions to get them to perform better. It should, therefore, be focussed on the new kids - it isn't, however we can't find it in ourselves to actually care that [[strike:this side story]] the A plot is sidelined to make the episode really about Brittana. Who knows if the lesson helped the new kids at all, because they don't do much and we think Brittany and Blaine tie.

Meanwhile, in New York, Kurt calls Rachel a [[PrideBeforeAFall diva]] because she's been [[SmallNameBigEgo acting like]] a diva [[strike:forever]] since she won the Winter Showcase. Call Quinn, she'll help Rachel cool down and relax... Kurt also doesn't like Brody. In fact, he challenges her to a diva-off because even though she won, everyone's talking about him. We think that means that he's been accepted into NYADA, his start date undisclosed. Rachel tries to remind him of how he mutilated the last note of "Music/DefyingGravity'', and he finally tells her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad.

Emma is planning her wedding, Will's thing in DC was a success (but completely forgotten soon), and she's talking at a Finn whose face says he is completely unprepared to be an adult. He also ignores all her problems and starts talking over her about his worries for Regionals, because he can't work with the kids like Will did. Though he's a jerk, Emma's thankful for the distraction and tells him to copy Will: make the kids compete against each other. She amends this, using common sense to fix the idea by adding that they need to improve and work together.

Blaine inexplicably gets the flu, and Tina tries to fix it. He tries to show the guys that men can be divas, too, and quite successfully. Apparently, he doesn't demonstrate diva-dom enough, because Finn feels the need to give the club an example; he called Santana to come and show them all how it's done. Brittany looks sad, especially when Santana announces that one of the random cheerleaders is her new girlfriend. Spoiler: she's lying because she's not over Brittany and doesn't want it to show. This cheerleader is fortunately right at hand because not only did Santana just abandon college, she got the rest of the Cardinals to join her.

Brody introduces and invites Rachel to the massive NYADA diva-off that is Midnight Madness. With a name like that, you'd expect it to be cooler than a bunch of dance students singing show tunes in their college with the lights out, but that's what it is. Brody's description is a bit more dramatic: "a challenge to the death with one song that will give eternal glory to the winner."

Back in Miss Pillsbury's office, Finn is whining over Emma's OCD wedding planning stress that (out of nowhere) he doesn't know what to do about his non-relationship with Rachel. Emma wants to get him to shut up so just tells him to go find a random girl - you can borrow Santana's cheerleader, Finnegan! Well, if any cheerleader is straight any more. She asks for his advice with flowers in return, and he chooses white because it's pure just like her, but this makes her think that he's mocking her for being a virgin for so long.

Trouty Mouth got Santana to meet him in the auditorium via stupidity, and they duel for Brittany by song. Santana wins, but we're meant to believe that neither can definitively tell who was better. It of course shouldn't matter, because Santana should've never dumped Brit-Brit in the first place! The Bicorn in question also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy. Because there's been too much Trouty already this episode, we move to Blaine inviting Tina over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Oh, this is when she "vapo-rape"s him. [[DudeShesLikeInAComa He falls asleep]], so she takes off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest, but only after she's told the log that [[AllLoveIsUnrequited she's in love]] with him.

Kurt wins Midnight Madness, and this plus how he had to throw it to make her win in high school has really shot Rachel's confidence - and just before the auditions for ''Theatre/FunnyGirl''! It soon comes back, because this is Glee, this is Rachel, and today's lesson is about having self-confidence in yourself no matter what other people do. Are they better than you? Doesn't stop you from being good! Well, that and Brittana need to get back together.

Speak of the devil! Sue knows that Santana's dropped out/is dropping out of Louisville, and offers her the position of coaching the Cheerios! She thinks it's great because then she'll be closer to Brit. She also asks Sue not to tell her mom that she dropped out, to which Sue says that she can't because she doesn't know Spanish. Santana doesn't bother to correct her, but does look confusedly amused.

Tina isn't impressed that Blaine can't see how obvious her feelings for him are, or the chemistry between them. This is because [[IncompatibleOrientation he's gay]]. He says sorry about that, and invites her to be his friend-date to Will's wedding (this doesn't happen. He hooks up with Kurt, because he's still [[AccidentalPun hung up]] on him.) Tina's also hung up on Blaine, and she proceeds to sing about it, reminding everyone why Jenna should've gotten more solos. We then return to the planning of this wedding, Finn getting in the way until Emma finally blows her top and is about to tell him to fuck off for once but [[ShutUpKiss he kisses her]]. Finn, you're an idiot. He then shuffles away.

Brittany talks to Santana, being the one to bring her to the auditorium this time. She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to break up with her. Brittany, much like when she dated Artie, accepts the apology and says she loves Santana, too, but isn't just going to break up with Trouty. [[{{Hypocrite}} It's ironic how she asks Santana to do this with Dani next season, right?]] Brittany says that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too; sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is) and then she sings from Lima to New York. At the end she tells Hummelberry that she's moving in with them.

* ''Nutbush City Limits'' by Music/{{Ike}} and Music/TinaTurner, performed by Santana with the Cardinals (U. Louisville) Cheerleaders.

* MagicalAsian : Implied with the "cold-busting" kit that Tina gives Blaine.

Meanwhile, in New York, Kurt calls Rachel a diva because she's been acting like a diva [[strike:forever]] since she won the Winter Showcase. Call Quinn, she'll help Rachel cool down and relax... Kurt also doesn't like Brody. In fact, he challenges her to a diva-off because even though she won, everyone's talking about him. We think that means that he's been accepted into NYADA, his start date undisclosed. Rachel tries to remind him of how he mutilated the last note of "Music/DefyingGravity'', and he finally tells her that he threw the competition because she's sad and whiny and to protect his dad.

Trouty Mouth got Santana to meet him in the auditorium via stupidity, and they duel for Brittany by song. Santana wins, but we're meant to believe that neither can definitively tell who was better. It of course shouldn't matter, because Santana should've never dumped Brit-Brit in the first place! The Bicorn in question also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy. Because there's been too much Trouty already this episode, we move to Blaine inviting Tina over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Oh, this is when she "vapo-rape"s him. He falls asleep, so she takes off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest, but only after she's told the log that she's in love with him.

Tina isn't impressed that Blaine can't see how obvious her feelings for him are, or the chemistry between them. This is because he's gay. He says sorry about that, and invites her to be his friend-date to Will's wedding (this doesn't happen. He hooks up with Kurt, because he's still [[AccidentalPun hung up]] on him.) Tina's also hung up on Blaine, and she proceeds to sing about it, reminding everyone why Jenna should've gotten more solos. We the return to the planning of this wedding, Finn getting in the way until Emma finally blows her top and is about to tell him to fuck off for once but he kisses her. Finn, you're an idiot. He then shuffles away.

* IncompatibleOrientation: Tina and Blaine, so she says that they can have a sexless romance.

Brittany talks to Santana, being the one to bring her to the auditorium this time. She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to break up with her. Brittany, much like when she dated Artie, accepts the apology and says she loves Santana, too, but isn't just going to break up with Sam. [[{{Hypocrite}} It's ironic how she asks Santana to do this with Dani next season, right?]] Brittany says that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too; sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is) and then she sings from Lima to New York. At the end she tells Hummelberry that she's moving in with them.

Blaine inexplicably gets the flu, and Tina tries to fix it. Is this when she "vapo-rape"s him? He tries to show the guys that men can be divas, too, and quite successfully. Apparently, he doesn't demonstrate diva-dom enough, because Finn feels the need to give the club an example; he called Santana to come and show them all how it's done. Brittany looks sad, especially when Santana announces that one of the random cheerleaders is her new girlfriend. Spoiler: she's lying because she's not over Brittany and doesn't want it to show. This cheerleader is fortunately right at hand because not only did Santana just abandon college, she got the rest of the Cardinals to join her.

Sam got Santana to meet him in the auditorium via stupidity, and they duel for Brittany by song. Santana wins, but we're meant to believe that neither can definitively tell who was better. Brittany also witnesses this, because she was looking for Santana, and isn't happy. Because there's been too much Trouty already this episode, we move to Blaine inviting Tina over so that they can work on finding her a diva song because she's still not confident. Oh, this is when she "vapo-rape"s him. He falls asleep, so she takes off his shirt and puts vapo-rub onto his chest, but only after she's told the log that she's in love with him.

Tina isn't impressed that Blaine can't see how obvious her feelings for him are, or the chemistry between them. This is because he's gay. He says sorry about that, and invites her to be his friend-date to Will's wedding (this doesn't happen. He hooks up with Kurt, because he's still [[AccidentalPun hung up]] on him.) Tina's also hung up on Blaine, and she proceeds to sing about it. We the return to the planning of this wedding, Finn getting in the way until Emma finally blows her top and is about to tell him to fuck off for once but he kisses her. He then shuffles away.

Brittany talks to Santana, being the one to bring her to the auditorium this time. She asks why Santana lied about the cheerleader girlfriend - because she bribed the Cards for info. Santana also bribed her to get her to pretend to be her girlfriend. Santana says she loves Brit and doesn't know what came over her to break up with her. Brittany, much like when she dated Artie, accepts the apology and says she loves Santana, too, but isn't just going to break up with Sam. [[{{Hypocrite}} It's ironic how she asks Santana to do this with Dani next season, right?]] Brittany says that they'll always be best friends but Santana needs to find a girlfriend - Santana replying that Brit's her best friend too sounds a lot like she's in love with her (because it is) and then she sings from Lima to New York. At the end she tells Hummelberry that she's moving in with them.

* VirginInAWhiteDress: Finn's statement, with some mean implications that he's not smart enough to recognise.