History Quotes / VillainBall

'''Marcus''': It’s literally it! [[DickDastardlyStopsToCheat They literally got what they wanted! Now everyone knows they’re evil again!]]

'''Marcus''': It’s literally it! They literally got what they wanted! [[NiceJobFixingItVillain Now everyone knows they’re evil again!]]
-->-- '''WebVideo/CosmonautVarietyHour''', on Film/TransformersDarkOfTheMoon, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mttc5oTCLsE "The Most Messed Up Transformers Movie"]]

->''[[ForeignLanguageTirade "¡¿Por qué diablos fui a jugar con mi comida?!"]]'' [[note]][[WhyDontYouJustShootHim "Why the devil did I go play with my food?!"]][[/note]]

->''[[ForeignLanguageTirade "¡¿Por qué diablos fui a jugar con mi comida?!"]]'' [[note]][[WhyDontYouJustShootHim "Why the hell did I go play with my food?!"]][[/note]]

->'''Chief Constable Giles''' Why are these men in here, Crabtree? What common trait do they hold? \\

'''Giles:''' Or is it the inability to imagine the series of events that led them to their present circumstance and correctly assess its probability? Stupidity, Crabtree. Thought-stunting, bat-blind stupidity is the ''sine qua non'' of incarceration.

!!{{Film}} -- Live-Action TV
->'''Aurelio''': The owner of the car, you kill him or what?\\
'''Iosef''': No. We [[KickTheDog fucked up his dog,]] though!
-->--''Film/JohnWick''

->"It was just a fuckin'--!"
-->--'''Iosef''' [[KilledMidSentence before being shot execution-style,]] ''John Wick''

!!{{Newspapers}}
->''In ''Film/HardRain'', there is a bad guy (Creator/MorganFreeman) who ''has'' a choice. He wants to steal some money, but all during the film I kept wondering why he didn't just give up and head for dry ground. How much of this ordeal was he foolish enough to put up with? Water, cold, rain, electrocutions, murders, shotguns, jet-ski attacks, drownings, betrayals, collisions, leaky boats, stupid and incompetent partners, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and your fingertips shrivel up]]. Is it worth it?''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert'''

!!WebAnimation
->"Kane and Lynch are arrested by the army and are taken through the city center [[UsefulNotes/ChineseWithChopperSupport in a convoy of helicopters]] rather than in, say, ''one car.'' So they hijack their helicopter and immediately begin strafing nearby skyscrapers, where all the office workers apparently stash rocket launchers in the water coolers. Then they crash on the building that just happens to contain [[FinalBoss the big boss]] they've made an enemy of...The Chinese Army helicopters then continue strafing the building, apparently because Kane and Lynch made it look like so much fun, which would be difficult to explain to your boss even if said boss wasn't ''currently in the building,'' alone, unguarded, and making no effort to evacuate the building that is under direct aerial assault. Not the sort of thing that's going to look good on the quarterly employee evaluation, is it?"
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/KaneAndLynch 2: Dog Days''

!!WebOriginal
->''Why would Jev suddenly decide to physically attack Troi when he has gotten away with his [[MindRape mental rape]] for so long? It is because this is a standalone episode of ''Star Trek'' and it needs to be wrapped up within 45 minutes. So Jev needs to make a mistake so they can catch and condemn him. It might have been far more disturbing if [[TheBadGuyWins he had gotten away with it]]. Had the crew never found out which of Ullyans was responsible and only we knew. How the plot tidies up all of this a little too neat.''
-->--'''[[https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2020/10/tng-violations.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "Violations"

->''[[Creator/MickeyRourke Rourke]] isn’t all that menacing, his character comes up with stupid plans, he has no real problem solving abilities, and he can’t learn [[BondVillainStupidity to shut up and shoot his targets]]. Now that may be the point... that he believes he is the best but is utterly incompetent but I highly doubt that. Every fed/mob character try to play him up as the next [[Film/NoCountryForOldMen Anton Chigurh]] and yet every one of his plans [[InformedAttribute go completely tits up on him]].''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/02/01/killshot-2008-john-madden/ on]] ''{{Film/Killshot}}''

->'''Chris''': {{ComicBook/Magneto}} is super surprised that all the army guys are kitted out with plastic weapons, as though there was not a dude beating him with a plastic nightstick [[Film/X2XMenUnited in the last movie]]. It’s almost like [[Creator/BrettRatner Ratner]] and the writers never actually saw ''X-Men'' 1 or 2, and just had someone describe it to them. Over the phone. While driving through a tunnel.\\
'''Matt''': [[Creator/IanMcKellen McKellen]] looks like Creator/BelaLugosi in an Creator/EdWood movie in these shots.
-->--Chris Sims and David Uzumeri [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-x-men-3-the-last-stand-2006-part-two/ on]] ''Film/XMenTheLastStand''

->''Uther Pendragon, the king, has persecuted the sorcerers out of Camelot, and burns any he finds still within his borders. This doesn’t stop him trusting various random strangers who turn up wearing long magician-robes and long magician-beards, carrying magicky-looking staffs covered in runes and zodiacal symbols… because he’s a doofus.''
-->-- '''[[http://www.eruditorumpress.com/blog/pop-between-realities-home-in-time-for-tea-74-merlin/ Jack Graham]]''' on ''{{Series/Merlin|2008}}''

->''I’m starting to feel bad for ComicBook/{{Thanos}}, to be honest. He has a [[PsychoticSmirk nice smile]], a [[TinTyrant neat-looking gold suit]] and a comfortable-looking [[CoolChair space chair]], but other than that, I don’t think he has a lot going for him. He’s not that handsome, smile aside, and [[HatedByAll everyone seems to hate him]]. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy Ronan the Accuser]], those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)''
-->--'''[[http://comicsalliance.com/thanos-infinty-stone/ Mike Ryan]]''', "Thanos is Really Bad at Being a Supervillain"

->"I don't really think he thought this one all the way through. Here's another tip: When your archnemesis is named 'The Beastmaster,' don't challenge him to a fight [[LockingMacGyverInTheStoreCupboard IN A FUCKIN' ZOO.]]"
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''[[Film/TheBeastmaster Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time]]''

->'''Ru'afo:''' He's no threat.\\
'''Plinkett:''' ''[watching]'' Uhhh, hey, Ru'afo, remember ''the beginning of the movie?'' The android has been ''nothing but [[SpannerInTheWorks the biggest problem to you ever]]''.
-->--''WebVideo/RedLetterMedia'' on ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection''

->"He killed an entire club's worth of people earlier, with ''not one'' of them getting away. And now [[FinalGirl Joey's]] stumbling around like an idiot and he can't even get ''her!'' '''Come on''', Pinhead! But maybe that's because he's using electrified water and explosions instead of the very effective [[HooksAndCrooks hooks on chains]]."
-->-- '''{{WebVideo/MikeJ}}''' on ''Film/HellraiserIIIHellOnEarth''

!!RealLife
->''One would have had to look a long time to find a man more barren of ideas than Sir Oswald Mosley. He was as hollow as a jug. Even the elementary fact that Fascism must not offend national sentiment had escaped him. His entire movement was imitated slavishly from abroad, the uniform and the party programme [[UsefulNotes/BenitoMussolini from Italy]] and the salute [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler from Germany,]] with the Jew-baiting tacked on as an afterthought, Mosley having actually started his movement with Jews among his most prominent followers.''
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeOrwell'''

->''I’m starting to feel bad for ComicBook/{{Thanos}}, to be honest. He has a [[PsychoticSmirk nice smile]], a [[TinTyrant neat-looking gold suit]] and a comfortable-looking [[CoolChair space chair]], but other than that, I don’t think he has a lot going for him. He’s not that handsome, smile aside, and [[ZeroPercentApprovalRating everyone seems to hate him]]. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy Ronan the Accuser]], those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)''

!!Film -- Live-Action TV

--> ''Series/MurdochMysteries'', "Nolo Contendre"

->"Kane and Lynch are arrested by the army and are taken through the city center in a convoy of helicopters rather than in, say, ''one car.'' So they hijack their helicopter and immediately begin strafing nearby skyscrapers, where all the office workers apparently stash rocket launchers in the water coolers. Then they crash on the building that just happens to contain [[FinalBoss the big boss]] they've made an enemy of...The Chinese Army helicopters then continue strafing the building, apparently because Kane and Lynch made it look like so much fun, which would be difficult to explain to your boss even if said boss wasn't ''currently in the building,'' alone, unguarded, and making no effort to evacuate the building that is under direct aerial assault. Not the sort of thing that's going to look good on the quarterly employee evaluation, is it?"

!!{{Webcomic}}

!!RealLife
->''One would have had to look a long time to find a man more barren of ideas than Sir Oswald Mosley. He was as hollow as a jug. Even the elementary fact that Fascism must not offend national sentiment had escaped him. His entire movement was imitated slavishly from abroad, the uniform and the party programme [[UsefulNotes/BenitoMussolini from Italy]] and the salute [[UsefulNores/AdolfHitler from Germany,]] with the Jew-baiting tacked on as an afterthought, Mosley having actually started his movement with Jews among his most prominent followers.''
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeOrwell'''

!!LiveActioNTV

->"He killed an entire club's worth of people earlier, with ''not one'' of them getting away. And now Joey's stumbling around like an idiot and he can't even get ''her!'' '''Come on''', Pinhead! But maybe that's because he's using electrified water and explosions instead of the very effective [[HooksAndCrooks hooks on chains]]."

->'''Chris''': Magneto is super surprised that all the army guys are kitted out with plastic weapons, as though there was not a dude beating him with a plastic nightstick [[Film/X2XMenUnited in the last movie]]. It’s almost like [[Creator/BrettRatner Ratner]] and the writers never actually saw ''X-Men'' 1 or 2, and just had someone describe it to them. Over the phone. While driving through a tunnel.\\

!!{{Newspaper}}

!!Fiction
->''"You had it made! You could have been the biggest thief of all time, but you had to target my ancestors and blow your own cover. You exposed your operation because of your ego!"''
-->--'''Sly''', ''VideoGame/SlyCooperThievesInTime''

->''"And so apparently the world was once again saved due to the villains being totally incompetent. Now onto weather..."''
-->-- '''Television set''', being watched by Dan's AuthorAvatar in the ''WebComic/ElGoonishShive'' strip ''[[http://www.egscomics.com/sketchbook.php?id=103 Too Tired to Care]]''

->'''Hau''': So, uh, [[spoiler: Mr. Faba]], do you have the key to the president's rooms?\\
'''[[spoiler: Faba]]''': Indeed! I have it right here.\\
'''Hau''': So... if you'd just stayed hidden, we would've been stuck here anyway, right?\\
'''[[spoiler: Faba]]''': [[BigWhat What?!]]
-->-- ''VideoGame/PokemonSunAndMoon''

!!Reviews
->''Why would Jev suddenly decide to physically attack Troi when he has gotten away with his [[MindRape mental rape]] for so long? It is because this is a standalone episode of ''Star Trek'' and it needs to be wrapped up within 45 minutes. So Jev needs to make a mistake so they can catch and condemn him. It might have been far more disturbing if [[TheBadGuyWins he had gotten away with it]]. Had the crew never found out which of Ullyans was responsible and only we knew. How the plot tidies up all of this a little too neat.''
-->--'''[[https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2020/10/tng-violations.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', "Violations"

->"I don't really think he thought this one all the way through. Here's another tip: When your archnemesis is named 'The Beastmaster,' don't challenge him to a fight [[LockingMacGyverInTheStoreCupboard IN A FUCKIN' ZOO.]]"
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''[[Film/TheBeastmaster Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time]]''

->'''Ru'afo:''' He's no threat.\\
'''Plinkett:''' ''[watching]'' Uhhh, hey, Ru'afo, remember ''the beginning of the movie?'' The android has been ''nothing but [[SpannerInTheWorks the biggest problem to you ever]]''.
-->--''WebVideo/RedLetterMedia'' on ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection''

->"He killed an entire club's worth of people earlier, with ''not one'' of them getting away. And now Joey's stumbling around like an idiot and he can't even get ''her!'' '''Come on''', Pinhead! But maybe that's because he's using electrified water and explosions instead of the very effective [[HooksAndCrooks hooks on chains]]."
-->-- '''{{WebVideo/MikeJ}}''' on ''Film/HellraiserIIIHellOnEarth''

->''I’m starting to feel bad for ComicBook/{{Thanos}}, to be honest. He has a [[PsychoticSmirk nice smile]], a [[TinTyrant neat-looking gold suit]] and a comfortable-looking [[CoolChair space chair]], but other than that, I don’t think he has a lot going for him. He’s not that handsome, smile aside, and everyone seems to hate him. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy Ronan the Accuser]], those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)''

->''I’m starting to feel bad for ComicBook/{{Thanos}}, to be honest. He has a [[PsychoticSmirk nice smile]], a [[TinTyrant neat-looking gold suit]] and a comfortable-looking [[CoolChair space chair]], but other than that, I don’t think he has a lot going for him. He’s not that handsome, smile aside, and everyone seems to hate him. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like [[Film/GuardinsOfTheGalaxy Ronan the Accuser]], those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)''

-->'''Sly Cooper''' to [[BigBad Le Paradox]], ''VideoGame/SlyCooperThievesInTime''

->''"I've gotta learn to just do the damage and leave town. It's the 'stay-and-gloat' that gets me every time."''

->And so apparently the world was once again saved due to the villains being totally incompetent. Now onto weather...

-> Yeah, he just killed thirty people without a second thought, of ''course'' he's not gonna shoot [[BigBad YOU!]]
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/BadMovieBeatdown Film Brain]]''''s review of ''Film/{{Cobra}}''

->I don't really think he thought this one all the way through. Here's another tip: When your archnemesis is named "The Beastmaster", don't challenge him to a fight '''''[[LockingMacGyverInTheStoreCupboard IN A FUCKIN' ZOO.]]'''''

->Funny, how some movies will seduce you into their stories while others remain at arm's length. ''{{Film/Titanic|1997}}'' was just as artificial and effects-driven as ''Hard Rain'', and yet I was spellbound. Maybe it was because the people on the doomed ship had no choice: The ''Titanic'' was sinking, and that was that.\\\
In ''Film/HardRain'', there is a bad guy (Creator/MorganFreeman) who ''has'' a choice. He wants to steal some money, but all during the film I kept wondering why he didn't just give up and head for dry ground. How much of this ordeal was he foolish enough to put up with? Water, cold, rain, electrocutions, murders, shotguns, jet-ski attacks, drownings, betrayals, collisions, leaky boats, stupid and incompetent partners, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and your fingertips shrivel up]]. Is it worth it?

'''Plinkett:''' ''(watching)'' Uhh... hey, Ru'afo? Remember the beginning of the movie? The android has been nothing but ''[[SpannerInTheWorks the biggest problem to you ever]]''.

->[Mickey] Rourke isn’t all that menacing, his character comes up with stupid plans, he has no real problem solving abilities, and he can’t learn [[WhyDontYaJustShootHim to shut up and shoot his targets]]. Now that may be the point... that [[HarmlessVillain he believes he is the best but is utterly incompetent]] but I highly doubt that. Every fed/mob character try to play him up as the next [[Film/NoCountryForOldMen Anton Chigurh]] and yet every one of his plans go completely tits up on him.

->He killed an entire club's worth of people earlier, with ''not one'' of them getting away. And now Joey's stumbling around like an idiot and he can't even get ''her!'' Come ON, Pinhead!\\\
But maybe that's because he's using electrified water and explosions instead of the very effective [[IconicItem hooks on chains]].

->'''Chris''': Magneto is super surprised that all the army guys are kitted out with plastic weapons, as though there was not a dude [[AesopAmnesia beating him with a plastic nightstick]] in the last movie. It’s almost like Ratner and the writers never actually saw ''X-Men'' 1 or 2, and just had someone describe it to them. Over the phone. While driving through a tunnel.\\
'''Matt''': [=McKellen=] looks like Bela Lugosi in an Creator/EdWood movie in these shots.
-->-- '''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumer''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-x-men-3-the-last-stand-2006-part-two/ on]] ''Film/XMenTheLastStand''

-> Uther Pendragon, the king, has persecuted the sorcerers out of Camelot, and burns any he finds still within his borders. This doesn’t stop him trusting various random strangers who turn up wearing [[MostDefinitelyNotAVillain long magician-robes and long magician-beards, carrying magicky-looking staffs covered in runes and zodiacal symbols]]… because he’s a doofus.

->Sarah Smart as Jennifer did absolutely nothing for me. Half the time she said her lines as though [[DullSurprise she would rather be elsewhere]] and the other half she was playing a particularly stiff baddie cliché. Which I guess she was... Isn't it a bit late to ask for Rory’s help after you have already turned into a massive tentacle headed monster and attacked him? What is all this donkey shit about [[MeaninglessMeaningfulWords the eyes being the last thing to go and making sure you are asking a question into them]] – who even talks like that? Even Troi from [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration Star Trek TNG]] would shy away from dismal psychobabble like that!
-->-- '''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-rebel-flesh-almost-people-written.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E6TheAlmostPeople}} "The Almost People"]]

->I’m starting to feel bad for ComicBook/{{Thanos}}, to be honest. He has a [[PsychoticSmirk nice smile]], a [[TinTyrant neat-looking gold suit]] and a comfortable-looking [[CoolChair space chair]], but other than that, I don’t think he has a lot going for him. He’s not that handsome, smile aside, and everyone seems to hate him. Even when he pays to have people be friends with him, like Ronan the Accuser, those people wind up betraying him, too. All Thanos wants is love. (And maybe he should stop spending time with people known as 'The Accuser,' who sound very judgmental.)

->'''Hagan:''' "[[TheDragon Ritter]] goes off to start a fire and smoke out [[FinalGirl Chris]] and, it's a good plan -- I'm sure it'll fuck up somehow."\\
''(Mallory walks into the canefield that's about to be burned, instead of waiting for Chris to be flushed out)''\\
'''Hagan:''' "Oh, that was fast. Fuck-up achieved."

->''I don't mean to be mean [-[[CausticCritic (except I actually do)]]-], but if you have the ability to [[ShockAndAwe shoot lightning]] and [[{{Technopath}} manipulate technology whenever you want to]], why isn't [the Phantom Virus]'' '''''[[WhyDontYouJustShootHim doing it all the time]]'''''''?!''

->'''Hau''': So, uh, [[spoiler: Mr. Faba]], do you have the key to the [[spoiler: president]]'s rooms?\\
'''[[spoiler: Faba]]''': Indeed! I have it right here.\\
'''Hau''': So... if you'd just stayed hidden, we would've been stuck here anyway, right?\\
'''[[spoiler: Faba]]''': '''[[OhCrap What?!]]'''
-->-- ''VideoGame/PokemonSunAndMoon''

->'''Chief Constable Giles''' ''on people in prison:'' Why are these men in here, Crabtree? What common trait do they hold? \\
'''George Crabtree:''' Poor judgment.\\
'''Giles:''' And what constitutes poor judgment?\\
'''Crabtree:''' Rashness, I suppose. A tendency to act without regarding consequence.\\
'''Giles:''' Or is it the inability to imagine the series of events that led them to their present circumstance and correctly assess its probability? Stupidity, Crabtree. Thought-stunting, bat-blind stupidity is the sine qua non of incarceration.
--> ''Series/MurdochMysteries'' "Nolo Contendre"

->'''Chief Constable Giles''' ''on people in prison'':''' Why are these men in here, Crabtree? What common trait do they hold? \\