History Quotes / Troll

-->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAUTXrF5_jQ Successful Troll Song]] (sung to the tune of [[WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast "Be Our Guest"]])

While people behind me are going insane\\
I'm an asshole\\

I'm an asshole\\

I use public toilets and piss on the seat\\
I walk around in the summertime\\
saying "How about this heat?"''
-->-- '''Creator/DenisLeary''', "I'm An Asshole"

-->--''ComicBook/BatmanTheDarkKnightReturns''

[[folder:Fanfiction]]
->"It's a way for his hope to shine to the fullest, and what better way for that to happen than for his friends to all be here to support him and-"\\

"Peko~ You know me too well."

[[folder:Fan Works]]
->'''Walter:''' Sir Integra! I apologize, I ''tried'' to stop [[[HeroicComedicSociopath Alucard]]]! But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with, and mind my French - [[UnfortunateImplications no offense-]]\\
'''Pip Bernadotte:''' [[IResembleThatRemark Some taken.]]\\
'''Walter:''' -"[[Music/{{NWA}} Fuck the police]]". [[EvilIsPetty He then proceeded to tilt every painting he passed on the way here.]]\\
'''Alucard:''' ''[[EvilLaugh HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!]]''\\
'''Integra''' [''sighs'']: Oh God...walking through that hallway is going to give me such a headache now.
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
[[/folder]]

->You WILL NOT make this putt... jackass!

->'''Mr. Cheeky''': No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans, can't take a joke!
-->--''Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian''

->'''Recording of Dennis Nedry:''' Ah ah ahhh, You didn't say the magic word!\\

-->-- '''Edrison Peavey''' on '''Poe Dameron''', ''Film/TheLastJedi''

->Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.

->He cannot help himself, perhaps. He ''must'' infuriate and madden those around him. [[AttentionWhore Perhaps he feels he would expire were people not to direct their attention upon him]].
-->--'''Gymnaste Peri''' on Mark Pol Treherne, ''Land Of The Headless,'' by Adam Roberts

->You know, I think I've finally figured out where UsefulNotes/SarahPalin came from: Someone cast a spell on a Website/YouTube comment and ''it came to life.''
-->--'''Creator/JonStewart'''

-->--'''Music/GreenDay''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vmc4mbCBlQ "Chump"]]

-->--'''[[Music/SexPistols The Sex Pistols]]''', "Anarchy in the UK"

-->--'''Barenaked Ladies''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnZZ3_bwnWQ "Angry People"]]

-->--'''Music/FallOutBoy''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhMGKSRIwGM I Don't Care]]''

with skulls full of saw dust (well [[KillItWithFire I've got the match]]!)''
-->--'''[[FolkMetal Skyclad]]''', "On With Their Heads!"

->I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog!
-->--'''Calvin''', ''[[ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes Calvin and Hobbes]]''

->It was always mostly for show, your nastiness in life. You made a big show of laughing at other people's problems: you sent dead flowers when your stepmother had been diagnosed with emphysema, you put shotgun shells in your ex-girlfriend's muffler, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and you rarely tipped at restaurants]]. More than anything, you wanted to give the world the finger, [[AttentionWhore and it was very important that other people saw you doing it]].
-->--'''Pack Priest,''' ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade - Clanbook: Toreador (Revised)''

->'''Comicbook/{{Cyborg}}:''' What's [[TheGimmick your deal]], anyway?\\
'''[[Franchise/{{Batman}} Scarecrow]]:''' [[NightmareFetishist I create fear and disruption.]]\\

->I will never tire of tricking the primitives. It is a game that I enjoy playing.
-->--'''Javik''', ''VideoGame/MassEffect3''

-->--''VideoGame/MortalKombatX''

->Hehehe, I'll put your email address on the net...
-->--'''Kukri''', ''VideoGame/TheKingOfFighters XIV''

->'''Michael:''' Call me an idiot, but a troll, Jim? What's a troll?
->'''Jimmy:''' Like a joker on the internet.
->'''Michael:''' What sorta jokes?
->'''Jimmy:''' Sorta mean jokes.
->'''Michael:''' Like what?
->'''Jimmy:''' Like someone posts something and you're all like, "That sucks. You suck, dick."
->'''Michael:''' Oh. So, jokes that aren't funny?
->'''Jimmy:''' No. You don't get it. The humor comes with repetition. Like, you say it once, big deal. Then you say it again, and again, and again, and again.
->'''Michael:''' Okay.
->'''Jimmy:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Like, the other day, this guy posts this picture of his newborn, and I'm all like, "Damn, son. That right there is one ugly-ass motherfucker of a baby." And I'm all like, "My balls is prettier than that baby," and then I send him a picture of my balls. "I've seen roadkill prettier than that baby. What the hell is wrong with your baby?" And he's all like, "Actually there's a problem with its chromosomes," or something, and it's actually a miracle it survived birth. And I'm all like, "It's actually a miracle I survived seeing a picture of its ugly..."]]
->'''Michael:''' '''''ENOUGH!''''' Alright? E-''fucking''-nough! I get it!
->'''Jimmy:''' Maybe that one was a little OTT, but it's generally really good times.
->'''Michael:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah. Good times. Great times. The fucking fun you have.]]
-->--''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV''

->[[color:purple:TT: Maybe you should get some trolling tips from us humans.\\
TT: Our sparing intellects are probably better suited to it.]]
-->'''Rose''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

->On internet messageboards, there is no subject so vile or indefensible that someone won't post positively/in defense of it.
-->--'''Skarka's Law''' (originally posted On [=RPGnet=])

->Has been known to cause the destruction of quite a lot of lives. As in [[RealLife IRL]] lives. And if you feel bad for anyone that has been trolled, then [[ARealManIsAKiller you're a butthurt emo gay moralfag who BAWWWWWWWWWs.]] If the trolled person happens to be a woman, you're also an anti-lulzy White Knight because they're all '[[HeManWomanHater asking for it]]'. Hilarious, I know.
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary'''''

->Ever get the feeling that some people realize that they’re never going to be [=LeBron=] James or Albert Einstein and so, in a lifelong temper tantrum, they just decide that if they can’t be the greatest, they will be [[ThenLetMeBeEvil the stinkiest of the shits?]]
-->--'''Amanda Marcotte''' [[http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/06/27/conservatives-bring-their-d-game-to-culture-war-whining-about-world-cup/ on]] Ann Coulter

->Ellis is a teenage boy, loudly filling a room with proclamations that ''[[Film/TheGodfather Godfather 2]]'' is rubbish and ''{{Film/Norbit}}'' is a masterpiece, and telling the principal to introduce his highschool band as ‘Abortion Bucket and the Anal Rapists’.
-->--'''[[http://franticplanet.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/my-top-20-movies-of-2013-the-preamble/ Stuart Millard]]''' on Creator/BretEastonEllis

->It should be a classified felony to throw beyond-the-grave shade at the man who gave us ''Film/MrsDoubtfire.'' Unfortunately, there are some assholes out there who clearly want a first-class ticket to Hell...Even Satan is like '[[EvenEvilHasStandards Are you serious??]]'
-->--'''Michael K.''', [[http://dlisted.com/2014/08/13/robin-williams-daughter-decided-to-quit-twitter-because-you-guessed-it-trolls/ "Robin Williams’ Daughter Decided To Quit Twitter Because (You Guessed It) Trolls"]]

->There isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that if the troll hackers could find a way to increase your risk of breast cancer? They’d do it. Because what’s better than lulz? Lulz with BOOBS. Yeah, they’d do it.
-->--'''[[http://www.wired.com/2014/10/trolls-will-always-win/ Kathy Sierra]]''', "Why the Trolls Will Always Win"

->Internet comments are basically a special platform for all the hecklers to come out onto, one by one, but without the comedian around to put them in their place. The comedian has had the good sense to move on and get the drinks in at the venue bar. As has 90% of the audience, leaving the shitheads to talk only for the benefit of themselves, voicing their stupid opinions into the gaping void of each other's heads.

->Some people hate the world, and your email address gets mixed up in their shitstorm for a minute. They tend to spray you with wild insults hoping to hit at least one nerve...they often hire themselves as [[KnowNothingKnowItAll your life coach.]] However, I always recommend caution when following the advice of the profoundly stupid.
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-species-of-angry-commenter-you-encounter-on-the-web/#ixzz33RQdEEqn "10 Speces of Angry Commenter You Encounter on the Web"]]

->If this kind of thing was still confined to Website/YouTube comments – then fuck it, who cares? But it’s not. It spills out. It’s everywhere now, even seeping into reality: There are people walking the Earth today who genuinely think, in all aspects of their lives, that somebody getting pissed off at them for valid reasons means they win something.
-->--'''Robert Brockway''', [[http://www.robertbrockway.net/2013/07/18/its-not-a-game-if-you-cant-lose/ "It's Not a Game If You Can't Lose"]]

->You're probably gonna have a million followers right away, and I don't even want to know [[SturgeonsLaw what kind of unholy mix of bots, racists, and stalkers]] would populate the mentions of a million-strong Twitter account. Within five seconds of creating your account, you will probably receive a dozen death threats. For us pissants, Twitter helps slake a craven thirst for attention.
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/how-to-tweet-if-you-are-a-famous-athlete-1687504102 Drew Magary]]''', "How to Tweet If You're a Famous Athlete"

->Put the right troll in the right message board or comment section and he can completely destroy any chance of discussion -- he has effectively broken the system for no other reason than personal amusement. It's ego masturbation. It happened so much at ''Popular Science'' that they shut down their comment section. It was as if [[Film/StarWarsAnewHope a thousand voices cried out the word "fag" and were suddenly silenced.]]

->So there's this guy, his name is Tom. Tom is a gamer and wanted an arcade machine. So [[StartMyOwn he built one]]...Awesome, Huh? Yeah, I want one. It looks sweet. This was posted on Kotaku. I love it. However, the first comment on the post is this guy. We’ll call him [[PunnyName A. Hat.]] Full name Ass Hat, but A. Hat for short. Here is what A. Hat had to say as the first commenter: \\\
''[='=]Nice try by painting your cobbled together pieces of pressed wood a nice pattern, but it still looks like [[NoTrueScotsman some monstrosity you’d buy from ikea.]][='=]''\\\
A simple, 'Hey, not very retro.' would’ve sufficed...
-->--'''[[http://insertcointobegin.com/2012/08/21/gamers-are-assholes-maybe-the-biggest-there-are/ Chachi]]''', "Gamers are assholes. Maybe the biggest there are"

-->--'''Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular''', [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jim-yahtzees-rhymedown-spectacular/8985-Captain-Falcon-and-the-Teasing-Chop One is Fun"]]

->"HAHA BITCH YOU NOT AN ATHEIST YOU ARE A '''[[BigStupidDooDooHead GAY]]'''THEIST LOLOL"
-->--'''UsefulNotes/RichardDawkins''' reads his [[https://youtu.be/gW7607YiBso fan mail]]

->Y'know, as small as this channel is, I still get a new comment, like, every other day asking me to kill myself because I had the audacity ''half a year ago'' to not be super-excited about the next Playstation. It doesn't take a lot to set people off on the internet.
-->--'''George Weidman''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2X59OK8ngM "Phil Fish Versus the Internet"]]

->I am an asshole, I am an asshole I am SUCH an asshole! Look at me~

->And now, Real Men of Genius (Real Men of Genius) Today we salute you Mr. Asshat Forum {{Troll}}. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!) You barge into any thread, spewing your brain diarrhea like it was relief water for Ethiopians. (Brain Diarrhea!) There aren't enough [[{{Emoticon}} smilies available to illustrate everyone's disdain for you. Rolleyes, red mad face, puking green guy, and the finger dude]] just aren't enough. (Exclamation mark, eleventy one!) No one is [=LOLing=] when you enter the thread. You single-handedly lower the IQ of the Internet with every post you make. (STFU, r'tard!) It takes guts to do what you do, presenting your contrary opinion in the cold harsh light of incontrovertible facts. Here's to you Mr. Asshat Forum Troll. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!)
-->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaMOcJfsksI&list=FLM2CFpnQLwo2DUJ6zebbNmA&index=53 "Real Men of Genius: Mr. Asshat Forum Troll" Budweiser ad parody.]]

->Hiya, Joker. If you're playing this tape, you've probably figured out you've [[OutGambitted been]] had. Yeah, I left you some cash, but only ten million - which, knowing you, you've [[AFoolAndHisNewMoneyAreSoonParted already blown]]. All the other stuff, the money, jewels, and gold, it's all [[CounterfeitCash fake]]. See, I always hated your guts, and this was the perfect payback. By now, you're probably out of real money, the IRS is after you, and you can't admit I fooled you, or [[OnceDoneNeverForgotten you'll be the laughingstock of the underworld]]. The ''joke's'' on you, sucker! I got the last laugh after all! ''[he laughs, but he is still grinning into the camera even as he coughs and breathes oxygen from his tank]''
-->-- '''"King" Barlowe''' to '''ComicBook/TheJoker''', ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''

->I am inclined to believe that few attacks either of ridicule or invective make much noise, but by the help of those they provoke.
-->—'''Creator/SamuelJohnson''', explaining the "Don't Feed The Trolls" rule [[OlderThanTheyThink in the 1700s]].

->To live is to war with trolls.
-->--'''Henrik Ibsen'''

->The highways are crowded with people who drive as if their sole purpose in getting behind the wheel is to avenge every wrong done them by man, beast or fate. The only thing that keeps them in line is their fear of death, jail and lawsuits.
-->--'''Creator/HunterSThompson''', ''Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga''

->Website/{{Twitter}} should ban [[Music/CourtneyLove my mother]].
-->--'''Francis Bean Cobain'''

->Any community that gets its laughs by pretending to be idiots will eventually be flooded by [[PoesLaw actual idiots]] who mistakenly believe they are in good company.
-->--Unattributed

->I was talking to my dad about this and I bet him that if he looked up Nelson Mandela’s funeral on [=YouTube=], the first comment would be a racist one. And it was, with like a million upvotes...It’s just demons who live in basements. You have this weird thing where you end up trying to fight against this faceless blob, where the more you hate it, the bigger it gets, because it’s all in your head.
-->--'''Creator/RobertPattinson'''

->A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.
-->--'''Ann Coulter'''

->If you spend a great deal of your time pretending to be an asshole to get a reaction from people...[[WhatYouAreInTheDark you aren't pretending.]] You are an asshole.
-->--'''Ed Brayton'''

->There's something about a bully that really annoys me. They'll say something online that they'd never dare to say to your face. One guy tweeted from his work account that he hoped my kids die of cancer. I let the MD of the firm know and the guy was fired. I felt no guilt, he should have gone to prison.
-->--'''Dom Joly''', comedian and self-proclaimed [[BullyHunter troll slayer]]

->Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past. It is not that they are afraid of being convinced. They fear only to appear ridiculous or to prejudice by their embarrassment their hope of winning over some third person to their side.
-->--'''Creator/JeanPaulSartre''', ''Anti-Semite and Jew''

'''Integra''' [''sighs''] Oh God...walking through that hallway is going to give me such a headache now.

'''Alucard:''' ''[[EvilLaugh HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!]]''

-->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAUTXrF5_jQ Successful Troll Song]] (sung to the tune of [[Disney/BeautyAndTheBeast "Be Our Guest"]])

-->--'''Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian'''

--> --''ComicBook/BatmanTheDarkKnightReturns''

--> ''Film/HappyGilmore''

->''"I killed [[spoiler:Sirius Black]]! I killed [[spoiler:Sirius Black]]!"''
-->-- '''Bellatrix Lestrange''', ''Film/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''

->'''Walter:''' Sir Integra! I apologize, I ''tried'' to stop [[[HeroicComedicSociopath Alucard]]]! But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with, and mind my French - no offense -\\

'''Walter:''' -"Fuck the police". He then proceeded to tilt every painting he passed on the way here.\\
'''Alucard:''' ''([[EvilLaugh childish, maniacal laughter]])''

->'''Walter:''' Sir Integra! I apologize, I ''tried'' to stop [[[PsychopathicManchild Alucard]]]! But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with, and mind my French - no offense -\\

-->--'''Music/TheSexPistols''', "Anarchy in the UK"

[[folder:Film -- Live-action]]

-''">Kit, bored, is in one of his most dangerous moods, trying to wind everyone up so that he can sit in the eye of the storm and laugh at the chaos he has created all around him."''

->I killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black!

->Kit, bored, is in one of his most dangerous moods, trying to wind everyone up so that he can sit in the eye of the storm and laugh at the chaos he has created all around him.
->--''Literature/{{Forbidden}}''

[[folder:Live-action TV]]

->You know, I think I've finally figured out where UsefulNotes/SarahPalin came from: Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and ''it came to life.''

->If this kind of thing was still confined to {{YouTube}} comments – then fuck it, who cares? But it’s not. It spills out. It’s everywhere now, even seeping into reality: There are people walking the Earth today who genuinely think, in all aspects of their lives, that somebody getting pissed off at them for valid reasons means they win something.

-->--'''UsefulNotes/RichardDawkins''' reads his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?x-yt-ts=1421828030 fan mail]]

->You know, I think I've finally figured out where SarahPalin came from: Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and ''it came to life.''

-->--'''Pack Priest,''' ''TabletopGames/VampireTheMasquerade - Clanbook: Toreador (Revised)''

When [[WarGames the only winning move is not to play!]]\\

->'''Mileena:''' Filthy traitorous beast!
->'''Erron Black:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You seem upset, Mileena]].

->{{Twitter}} should ban [[Music/CourtneyLove my mother]].