History Quotes / OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame

->"It's a bit stereotypical, isn't it?" said the dwarf. "I mean, it's a bit dwarfs = miners. I don't see why we have to be type-cast like this all the time."
->"But most dwarfs ''are'' miners," said Soll desperately.
->"Well, OK, but they're not happy about it," said another dwarf.
-->-- ''Literature/MovingPictures''

--> -- The dwarves' folk song from ''Literature/TheHobbit''

The eternal guardians of the land\\

->''Born underground,\\

-->-- ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Dwarves]]''

-->-- ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The War of the Dwarves]]''

-->-- '''The Fabulous Rodario''', ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Revenge of the Dwarves]]''

-->-- Excerpt from [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe "Descryptions of ye Ffolk of Girdlegyrd: Manneris and Karacterystycs"]], ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Revenge of the Dwarves]]''

-->-- ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5X7MXfLxEg Children of the Smith]]'', the video game adaptation of ''Literature/{{Dwarves}}''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
->'''Gimli''': Think about it. What is the defining characteristic of dwarves.\\
'''Aragorn''': [[DumpStat Low charisma?]]\\
'''Gimli''': I mean besides that.\\
'''Legolas''': [[GirlsWithMoustaches Bearded women?]]\\
'''Gimli''': Not that either.\\
'''The GM''': [[TheAlcoholic Rampant alcoholism?]]\\
'''Gimli''': No! Well, maybe a bit. I'm talking about the fact that [[CharacterAlignment dwarves are lawful!]]
-->-- ''Webcomic/DMOfTheRings''

->'''Cleric:''' Does he have any distinguishing features?\\
'''Haley:''' Well... he's short.\\
'''Celia:''' He has a beard.\\
'''Haley:''' He wears heavy armor.\\
'''Cleric:''' Ummm, OK... how about any unusual personality traits?\\
'''Haley:''' He likes beer.\\
'''Celia:''' He has an accent.\\
'''Haley:''' He worships Thor.\\
'''Celia:''' And hates trees!\\
'''Cleric:''' Can you tell me anything about him that differentiates him from every other dwarf?
-->-- ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0602.html strip 602]]

->I'm a dwarf!
-->-- '''[[TheDitz Skull]]''', providing his new ''D&D'' character's ''entire backstory'' in ''Webcomic/PvP''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
->Dwarves typically consist of seventeen main organs: the beard, the boozehole, the gratuitous Scottish accent, 13 livers and an axe.
-->-- [[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Dwarves 1d4chan]]

->Moreover, much like his elves, they aren't very distinct characters. Someone's said once that there are no dwarves in fantasy, just one dwarf copy and pasted all over with a few details changed, and in no other fantasy fiction I've seen truer evidence of this.
-->-- [[http://forum.candlekeep.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6440&whichpage=8#128459 from Candlekeep forums]], on Creator/RASalvatore's dwarves

->Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb\\
The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb\\
[[ProudWarriorRaceGuy Face us on the battlefield,]] [[BadassBoast you will meet your doom]]\\
We do not fear what lies beneath\\
[[DefiedTrope We can never]] [[DugTooDeep dig too deep!]]\\

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole\\
Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole\\
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole\\
Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole...
-->-- The {{LetsPlay/Yogscast}}, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytWz0qVvBZ0 Diggy Diggy Hole]]"

->Alright, listen to me, you knife-eared piece of shit! If you go any further with that piss-stained pubic hair you call a wig, I'm gonna wreck your shit so hard that you won't even be able to walk with your limp dick! I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your shaven perfect little ass that your breath is gonna smell like shoe polish! Then I'm gonna take that little red anal bead on your belt, and push it in your face! I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard! I'm gonna build you a pair of runic mechanical balls, and use surgical precision to sew them to your groin where your manhood ought to be just so that I can kick them with my iron fucking feet, you TWAT!
-->-- '''Urist''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azOvRwrqz2M Warhammer: Ravandil's Quest]]''

[[folder:Webcomics]]

-->-- Urist, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azOvRwrqz2M Warhammer: Ravandil's Quest]]''

-->-- ''Discworld/MovingPictures''

-->-- ''VideoGame/RuneFactory 3''

-->-- Urist, ''Warhammer: Ravandil's Quest''

->Alright, listen to me, you knife-eared piece of shit! If you go any further with that piss-stained pubic hair you call a wig, I'm gonna wreck your shit so hard that you won't even be able to walk with your limp dick! I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your shaven perfect little ass that your breath is gonna smell like shoe polish! Then I'm gonna take that little red anal bead on your belt, and push it in your face! I'm gonna flagellate you with my fucking beard! I'm gonna build you a pair of runic mechanical balls, and use surgical precision to sew them to your groin where your manhood oughta be just so that I can kick them with my iron fucking feet, you TWAT!

->Dwarves typically consist of seventeen main organs: the beard, the boozehole, the gratuitous Scottish accent, 13 livers and an axe.
-->-- [[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Dwarves 1d4chan]]

->Moreover, much like his elves, they aren't very distinct characters. Someone's said once that there are no dwarves in fantasy, just one dwarf copy and pasted all over with a few details changed, and in no other fantasy fiction I've seen truer evidence of this.
-->-- [[http://forum.candlekeep.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6440&whichpage=8#128459 from Candlekeep forums]], on Creator/RASalvatore's dwarves

->'''Gimli''': Think about it. What is the defining characteristic of dwarves.\\
'''Aragorn''': [[DumpStat Low charisma?]]\\
'''Gimli''': I mean besides that.\\
'''Legolas''': [[GirlsWithMoustaches Bearded women?]]\\
'''Gimli''': Not that either.\\
'''The GM''': [[TheAlcoholic Rampant alcoholism?]]\\
'''Gimli''': No! Well, maybe a bit. I'm talking about the fact that [[CharacterAlignment dwarves are lawful!]]
-->-- ''Webcomic/DMOfTheRings''

->Wow, a dwarf that smells like a brewery! [[SarcasmMode You never see that ANYWHERE.]]
-->-- '''Anders''', ''VideoGame/DragonAgeOriginsAwakening''

->'''Bodhan:''' I've been looking everywhere for you, Messere. If only you humans didn't all look the same.\\
'''Hawke:''' We can't all be short and bearded like your people, Bodhan.\\
'''Bodhan:''' Indeed. It's quite a shame, really...
-->-- ''VideoGame/DragonAgeII''

->'''Cleric:''' Does he have any distinguishing features?\\
'''Haley:''' Well...he's short.\\
'''Celia:''' He has a beard.\\
'''Haley:''' He wears heavy armor.\\
'''Cleric:''' Ummm, OK... how about any unusual personality traits?\\
'''Haley:''' He likes beer.\\
'''Celia:''' He has an accent.\\
'''Haley:''' He worships Thor.\\
'''Celia:''' And hates trees!\\
'''Cleric:''' Can you tell me anything about him that differentiates him from every other dwarf?
-->-- ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0602.html strip 602]]

->I'm a dwarf!
-->-- '''[[TheDitz Skull]]''', providing his new ''D&D'' character's '''entire''' backstory in ''Webcomic/PvP''

->When I were but a lad, my father, the King, taught me three things:\\
[[ElvesVersusDwarves Never accept a gift from an Elf.]]\\
[[AllThatGlitters Never trust gold that glistens in darkness.]]\\
[[RevengeBeforeReason Never forget a grudge.]]\\
On his deathbed I swore to uphold these values to me own dying day, and Grungni willing I will.
-->-- '''King Alrik Ranulfsson''' of Karak Hirn, ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer}}''

->Dwarves and mountains have one thing in common: It takes an almighty hammer and a tremendous amount of persistence to overcome them.
-->-- ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Dwarves]]''

->On the Nature of Dwarves.\\
Commonly found in gloomy mountain caverns, these dimunitive creatures will fell an [[OurOrcsAreDifferent Orcus Gigantus]] with a single blow of their deadly axes, for no weapon in Girdlegard can match the finely fashioned ax of the dwarves. Afterward, they will drink beer by the barrelful without discernible effect. Such is the resilience of the dwarven female...
-->-- ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The War of the Dwarves]]''

->Now and then you hear malicious remarks about dwarves. They are said to be of inferior build, to be cranky, to have a weird sense of humor; it is told that they only drink beer that is as black as night and are not able to appreciate music unless a hundred voices are bellowing in unison. But I say: only when you have been a guest in their majestic halls, as I once was, should you have the right to pronounce on these rumors and confirm them all to be true.\\
Let us not laugh at them as if they were lovable children with long beards, but, on the contrary, let us praise the magnificent way they have preserved all of us from total destruction. More than once.
-->-- '''The Fabulous Rodario''', ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Revenge of the Dwarves]]''

->Ih did aforetimes ask a dwerff as what, other than such dwerff, he fain had byn born. Ih offert the chois of myghtie draggon, all seeing magus or his own god vraccas. He did look at me in wonder and did shayk his hed, saying: ye mightie draggons were perforce slain by a dwerff, syns draggons are no more; ye all seeing magus lykewyse was vanquysht by a dwerff, syns he is no more. And vraccas neyther schal ih be, for ther be no thing left to mak, better than his dwerffis.[[labelnote:Translation]]I once asked a dwarf as what, other than a dwarf, he wished to have been born. I offered the choice of [[OurDragonsAreDifferent a mighty dragon]], [[WizardClassic an all-seeing Magus]] or [[UltimateBlacksmith his own god Vraccas]]. He looked at me in wonder and shook his head, saying: "The mighty dragon was already slain by a dwarf, since dragons are no more; the all-seeing Magus likewise was vanquished by a dwarf, since he is no more. And Vraccas neither shall I be, [[HaveIMentionedIAmADwarfToday for there is no thing left to make better than his dwarves]]."[[/labelnote]]
-->-- Excerpt from [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe "Descryptions of ye Ffolk of Girdlegyrd: Manneris and Karacterystycs"]], ''[[{{Literature/Dwarves}} The Revenge of the Dwarves]]''

->''"A Dwemer of eight can create a golem, but an eight of Dwemer can become one."'' [[note]]Translation: "A Dwemer child of eight can create a golem, but only a truly great warrior and armorer can masquerade as one."[[/note]]
-->--'''[[Literature/TheElderScrollsInUniverseBooks Ancient Tales of the Dwemer, Part VI: Chimarvamidium]]'''

->''"When the Chimer first abandoned the herds and tents of their nomadic ancestors, and built the first Great Houses, we loved the Daedra, and worshipped them as gods. But our brethren, the Dwemer, scorned the Daedra, and mocked our foolish rituals, and preferred instead their gods of Reason and Logic. [[ElvesVersusDwarves So the Chimer and Dwemer were always at bitter war]], until the Nords came and invaded Resdayn. [[EnemyMine Only then did the Chimer and Dwemer put away their strife and join together to cast out the invaders."]]''
-->--'''[[PhysicalGod Vivec]]''', ''The Battle of Red Mountain, and the Rise and Fall of the Tribunal'', ''Franchise/TheElderScrolls''

->''"That's why the Dwemer are the weirdest race in Tamriel and, frankly, also the scariest. They look(ed) like us, they sometimes act(ed) like us, [[BlueAndOrangeMorality but when you really put them under the magnifying glass you see nothing but vessels that house an intelligence and value system that is by all accounts Beyond Human Comprehension.]] (...) There isn't even a word to describe the Dwarven view on divinity. [[FlatEarthAtheist They were atheists on a world where gods exist."]]''
-->--'''Michael Kirkbride''', on the Dwemer, ''Franchise/TheElderScrolls''

-->-- [[http://forum.candlekeep.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6440&whichpage=8#128459 from Candlekeep forums]], on R. A. Salvatore's dwarves

->''"A Dwemer of eight can create a golem, but an eight of Dwemer can become one."'' [[note]]Translation: "A Dwemer child of eight can create a golem, but only a truly great warrior and armorer can pretend to be one."[[/note]]
-->--'''[[Franchise/TheElderScrolls Ancient Tales of the Dwemer, Part VI: Chimarvamidium]]'''

-->--'''Michael Kirkbride''', on the Dwemer, ''Franchise/TheElderScrolls''

----

->''"A Dwemer of eight can create a golem, but an eight of Dwemer can become one."'' [[labelnote:Translation]]"A Dwemer child of eight can create a golem, but only a truly great warrior and armorer can pretend to be one."[[/note]]

->Ih did aforetimes ask a dwerff as what, other than such dwerff, he fain had byn born. Ih offert the chois of myghtie draggon, all seeing magus or his own god vraccas. He did look at me in wonder and did shayk his hed, saying: ye mightie draggons were perforce slain by a dwerff, syns draggons are no more; ye all seeing magus lykewyse was vanquysht by a dwerff, syns he is no more. And vraccas neyther schal ih be, for ther be no thing left to mak, better than his dwerffis.[[labelnote:Translation]]I once asked a dwarf as what, other than a dwarf, he wished to have been born. I offered the choice of [[OurDragonsAreDifferent a mighty dragon]], [[WizardClassic an all-seeing Magus]] or [[UltimateBlacksmith his own god Vraccas]]. He looked at me in wonder and shook his head, saying: "The mighty dragon was already slain by a dwarf, since dragons are no more; the all-seeing Magus likewise was vanquished by a dwarf, since he is no more. And Vraccas neither shall I be, [[HaveIMentionedIAmADwarfToday for there is no thing left to make better than his dwarves]].[[/labelnote]]