History Quotes / DullSurprise

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]

-->-- ''Series/{{Firefly}}'', ''[[{{Recap/FireflyE01Serenity}} Serenity]]''

-->-- '''Creator/DorothyParker'''

->"The weirdly-elaborate Zombie Mode is now a given, and has only gotten ''weirder'' and ''more'' elaborate, to the point that they actually hired Creator/RonPerlman and Creator/JeffGoldblum to be in it, which makes it all the more baffling that the protagonist of the main campaign had to make do with the random person they picked up from the bus shelter outside a brain hemorrhage clinic."
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/CallOfDutyBlackOpsIII''

->''It's important that you watch Creator/RobertBeltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he's practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when his face turns to goo he barely registers any pain or response.''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/voyager-season-five.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "[[{{Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS5E17CourseOblivion}} Course: Oblivion]]"

->''Clark and Lois are moving into their new apartment, and we get a limp attempt at banter..."I can decipher your scrawl," which I think is meant to be cutesy and back and forth, but because of Creator/TomWelling's deadpan sociopath delivery, it seems genuinely insulting. Maybe do a second take sometimes, guys.''
-->--'''Chris Sims''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-10-19-dominion/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("[[Recap/SmallvilleS10E19Dominion Dominion]]")

->''It is headlined by stalwart [[Creator/GarySinise Sinise]], who's like The Great Stone Face of the police procedural, a Creator/BusterKeaton type whose facial muscles barely moved in the 12 or 13 shows I watched...At crime scenes he often acts like an impatient man at the end of a long line at UsefulNotes/McDonalds.''
-->--'''[[http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/46874/csi-ny-the-sixth-season/ Stuart Galbraith III]]''' on ''{{Series/CSINY}}''

->''[[Creator/CharlizeTheron Theron]] just drifts through the movie like a zombie droning out one liners with all the emotion of Ben Stein. Just watching her say the line 'Amateurs' in the trailer is akin to Costner’s line read of 'My boat…' in ''{{Film/Waterworld}}.
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/05/24/aeon-flux-2005-karyn-kasuma/ on]] ''Film/AeonFlux''

->''By the way, I call him 'Wrestling/TripleH' and not, 'Arlo Jayne' because while watching, not for a second could I suspend my disbelief that the main character wasn’t Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The Game shows less emotional range in this entire film than in a typical promo, displaying approximately three emotions: cool and collected, slightly perturbed, and in physical pain. (And even then, there’s not a whole lot of difference among the three. Quick, try to guess what he’s doing in this scene. Give up? The correct answer is, 'getting shot.')''
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/induction-inside-out-triple-h-gets-into-a-pickle/ "Inside Out - Triple H Gets Into a Pickle"]]

->''I watched ''Film/TheOtherWoman2014'' the other day and Kate Upton had the charisma of an ingrown nipple hair and she made the driftwood in the beach scenes look like they were alive and full of emotions. It was so bad that it was performance art.''
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/08/09/the-internet-is-to-blame-for-why-kate-upton-wont-ever-get-naked-in-front-of-a-camera/ Michael K.]]'''

->The Daily Mail'' generously described Kristen as “quite emotional” with Sam Waterston on the set of her latest film ''Anesthesia'', which is an apt name since she usually looks like she got into a slap fight with a syringe full of numbing agent and never recovered. [=KStew=] reached down into her acting bag of tricks (that has about as much range as the busted wireless router in a [=McDonald’s PlayPlace=]) and pulled out a facial expression that could mean anything from elation to sadness to needing a wardrobe change because she gambled with a fart and lost.''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2013/11/05/kristen-stewart-dusts-off-her-best-bella-swan-face/ DListed]]''''' on Creator/KristenStewart

->''The Empress responds to Profion’s accusations by raising her voice slightly....Profion does a cool [[SarcasticClapping golf clap]] and declares, [='=]''A wonderful performance.''[='=] [[Creator/JeremyIrons (Jeremy) Irons]] really earned his paycheck just choking that out, though he gets to follow it up with, [='=]''Is now not the time we should '''act'''?''[='=] [[ReviewIronicEcho That’s probably more what he was thinking]].''
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/DungeonsAndDragons'' (2000)

->''"OK, so, like, ''the most important thing ever'' happens: Anakin tells Creator/SamuelLJackson that Palpatine is a '''Sith''', and that '''he's gonna get them all!'''\\\
Then they just start walking at what can't even be described as a "brisk" pace.
-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''' on ''Film/RevengeOfTheSith''

->"I’ve seen my boys fight over a toy with more intensity than that."
-->--'''Wrestling/GregoryHelms''' on ''{{Wrestling/WrestleMania}} 31''

-->-- ''Software Error'', a ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' ParodyFic

->''It is headlined by stalwart [[Creator/GarySinise Sinise]], who's like The Great Stone Face of the police procedural, a Creator/BusterKeaton type whose facial muscles barely moved in the 12 or 13 shows I watched...At crime scenes he often acts like an impatient man at the end of a long line at UsefulNotes/McDonald's.''

->''If Paz de la Huerta had even a smidgeon of acting ability ''Film/Nurse3D'' probably wouldn't work at all. It's basically a mix of ''Film/AmericanMary'' and ''Film/SingleWhiteFemale''...On paper, that sounds like a recipe for a perfectly rote slasher/thriller that you'd forget about within moments of the film's conclusion, but since even merely saying a character's name proves to be an insurmountable task for Paz, it takes on this bizarre, nearly alien tone that, intentionally or not, turns the film into a trashy comic delight.''

->''It's important that you watch Robert Beltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he’s practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when his face turns to goo he barely registers any pain or response.''

->''Clark and Lois are moving into their new apartment, and we get a limp attempt at banter..."I can decipher your scrawl," which I think is meant to be cutesy and back and forth, but because of Tom Welling’s deadpan sociopath delivery, it seems genuinely insulting. Maybe do a second take sometimes, guys.''

->''It is headlined by stalwart Sinise, who's like The Great Stone Face of the police procedural, a Creator/BusterKeaton type whose facial muscles barely moved in the 12 or 13 shows I watched...At crime scenes he often acts like an impatient man at the end of a long line at [=McDonald's.=]''

'''January Jones''': also i read minds and turn to diamond\\

->''In the comments of the previous strip, I said, “In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.“\\\
The amount of screen time he spends in a vacant stare or a prolonged blink is sort of alarming. I’ve come to think of him as Stareagorn.''

->''Only Lofranco doesn’t overact here, because he can’t act at all, coming across as the human equivalent of a giant block of granite.''

->''It's important that you watch Robert Beltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he’s practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when his face turns to goo]] he barely registers any pain or response.''

->''"[[Creator/CharlizeTheron Theron]] just drifts through the movie like a zombie droning out one liners with all the emotion of Ben Stein. Just watching her say the line 'Amateurs' in the trailer is akin to Costner’s line read of 'My boat…' in ''{{Film/Waterworld}}''."

->''The acting, no surprises here, sucks. It’s strange that {{Creator/Mariah|Carey}} really can’t play Mariah all that well."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/glitter-2001-vondie-curtis-hall/ on]] ''{{Film/Glitter}}'' (2001)

->''I watched ''Film/TheOtherWoman'' the other day and Kate Upton had the charisma of an ingrown nipple hair and she made the driftwood in the beach scenes look like they were alive and full of emotions. It was so bad that it was performance art.''

[[AC:Western Animation]]

[[AC:RealLife]]

[[AC:Fan Works]]

[[AC:Film -- Live-Action]]

->''".............................Whoa."''
-->-- '''Neo''', ''Film/TheMatrix''

->''"...[[FunetikAksent ...dis is ebsolutely fescinating.]]"''
-->-- ''[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Werewolf]]''

[[AC:Live-Action TV]]

[[AC:Music]]

[[AC:Newspapers]]

->''"''Film/HardRain'' is one of those movies that never convince you their stories are actually happening. From beginning to end, I was acutely aware of actors [[MoneyDearBoy being paid to stand in cold water.]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert'''

[[AC:Web Animation]]

->''"Aiden and his sister both look at the grave of the child (that is [[DeathByOriginStory his sole motivation]]) the way they'd look at a middling-difficult Sudoku puzzle."''

[[AC:Web Original]]

->''"It's important that you watch Robert Beltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he’s practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction his face turns to goo]] he barely registers any pain or response....''"The Demon class planet! One of our more interesting missions!"'' -- proof that [[SpotTheImposter even as a replicant]] Chakotay still talks absolute bollocks."''

->''"Clark and Lois are moving into their new apartment, and we get a limp attempt at banter..."I can decipher your scrawl," which I think is meant to be cutesy and back and forth, but because of Tom Welling’s [[KubrickStare deadpan sociopath delivery]], it seems genuinely insulting. Maybe do a second take sometimes, guys."''

->''"Tom Welling turned in a lot of strong moments but it turns out to have been a very good thing this show was only ever "about Clark Kent, not Superman" because it strikes me as decidedly unlikely he could ever really have delivered a reliable dual-identity: in fits and starts toward the end, he gave us "mild-manners," but it seemed fairly obvious he wanted Clark Kent to be Superman [[TheDragAlong as much as his version of Clark did.]] All things considered, he seems only ever to have always [[RidiculouslyAverageGuy been himself]], neither really Clark nor Superman."''
-->--'''[[http://www.supermanhomepage.com/tv/tv.php?topic=reviews/smallville-finale3 Marc Pritchard]]''' on ''{{Series/Smallville}}''

->''"By the way, I call him 'Wrestling/TripleH' and not, 'Arlo Jayne' because while watching, not for a second could I suspend my disbelief that the main character wasn’t Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The Game shows less emotional range in this entire film than in a typical promo, displaying approximately three emotions: cool and collected, slightly perturbed, and in physical pain. (And even then, there’s not a whole lot of difference among the three. Quick, try to guess what he’s doing in this scene. Give up? The correct answer is, 'getting shot.')"''

->''"If Paz de la Huerta had even a smidgeon of acting ability ''Film/Nurse3D'' probably wouldn't work at all. It's basically a mix of ''Film/AmericanMary'' and ''Film/SingleWhiteFemale''...On paper, that sounds like a recipe for a perfectly rote slasher/thriller that you'd forget about within moments of the film's conclusion, but since even merely saying a character's name proves to be an insurmountable task for Paz, it takes on this bizarre, nearly alien tone that, intentionally or not, turns the film into a trashy comic delight."''

->''"I watched ''Film/TheOtherWoman'' the other day and Kate Upton had the charisma of an ingrown nipple hair and she made the driftwood in the beach scenes look like they were alive and full of emotions. It was so bad that it was [[GiftedlyBad performance art.]]"''

->''"The acting, no surprises here, sucks. It’s strange that Mariah really [[EpicFail can’t play Mariah all that well]]."''

->''"''The Daily Mail'' generously described Kristen as “quite emotional” with Sam Waterston on the set of her latest film ''Anesthesia'', which is an apt name since she usually looks like she got into a slap fight with a syringe full of numbing agent and never recovered. [=KStew=] reached down into her acting bag of tricks (that has about as much range as the busted wireless router in a [=McDonald’s PlayPlace=]) and pulled out a facial expression that could mean anything from elation to sadness to needing a wardrobe change because she gambled with a fart and lost."''

->''"Horrible black magic stuff happens to what are either the most unflappable, or possibly just the most stoned, people on earth...two villagers run in, and react [[https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/5/4/6/32546.jpg?v=1 exactly the way one would expect]] after stumbling on a disembodied head eating an unborn baby out of a dying woman's vagina."''

->''"The Empress responds to Profion’s accusations by raising her voice slightly....Profion does a cool [[SarcasticClapping golf clap]] and declares, [='=]''A wonderful performance.''[='=] [[Creator/JeremyIrons (Jeremy) Irons]] really earned his paycheck just choking that out, though he gets to follow it up with, [='=]''Is now not the time we should '''act'''?''[='=] [[ReviewIronicEcho That’s probably more what he was thinking]]."''

->In the comments of the previous strip, I said, “In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.“\\\
The amount of screen time he spends in a vacant stare or a prolonged blink is sort of alarming. I’ve come to think of him as Stareagorn.

->Only Lofranco doesn’t overact here, because he can’t act at all, coming across as the human equivalent of a giant block of granite.

->The expression in question is a vapid, empty look where you can just ''hear'' the character in question going "Guuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" while waiting for the next neuron to fire in his or her puny brain.

[[AC:Web Video]]

->''"Its important that you watch Robert Beltran’s performance very carefully in this episode because you can see an actor who has completely given up on the show he is tied to. He doesn’t just sound bored, he’s practically comatose and doesn’t bother to inject any emotion into his (admittedly functional) dialogue. Even when [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction his face turns to goo]] he barely registers any pain or response....''"The Demon class planet! One of our more interesting missions!"'' -- proof that [[SpotTheImposter even as a replicant]] Chakotay still talks absolute bollocks."''

--> --'''Neo''', ''Film/TheMatrix''

--> -- ''[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Werewolf]]''

--> -- ''Series/{{Firefly}}'', ''[[{{Recap/FireflyE01Serenity}} Serenity]]''

--> -- "At Seventeen", '''Janis Ian'''

-->-- '''Creator/ShamusYoung''' [[http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=962 comments]] on Creator/ViggoMortensen's acting in ''[[Film/TheLordOfTheRings The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]]''

-->--Random British teen, on getting sucker-punched in the face [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6VoFBCE9k]]

-->--WebVideo/{{Benzaie}}, in his review of ''Film/{{Vikingdom}}''

-->--Creator/SergioLeone

->''"Horrible black magic stuff happens to what are either the most unflappable, or possibly just the most stoned, people on earth...two villagers run in, and react [[http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/5/4/6/32546.jpg?v=1 exactly the way one would expect]] after stumbling on a disembodied head eating an unborn baby out of a dying woman's vagina."''

-->--''''Wrestling/GregoryHelms''' on ''{{Wrestling/WrestleMania}} 31''

-->--'''Wrestling/GregoryHelms''' on ''{{Wrestling/WrestleMania}} 31''

-->--''''Wrestling/GregoryHelms''' on ''{{Wrestling/WrestleMania}} 31''

->''"You know, everybody in this movie takes ''really'' bad news ''shockingly'' well in this movie. Did everyone just drink a Xanax cocktail?"''

--> -- WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick, ''TheBabySittersClub''