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->''Better to live in a desert than with a qurrelsome and nagging wife.''
-->--'''''Literature/TheBible''''', ''Proverbs 21:19''






Added DiffLines:

->"She began to know me too well, and I began to hate her for it. Even when I was unpredictable, she'd predict it."
-->--'''Alan Shore''', ''Series/BostonLegal''


'''Stout''': I've been divorced twice, does that count?"

to:

'''Stout''': I've been divorced twice, does that count?"count?

Added DiffLines:

->'''Santanico Pandemonium''': [[FateWorseThanDeath I'm not gonna drain you completely.]] You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". [[MadeASlave Welcome to slavery.]]\\
'''Seth Gecko''': No, thanks. I've already had a wife.
-->--''Film/FromDuskTillDawn''


->"Lies, deceit, mixed messages. This is turning into a real marriage."
-->--'''Castor''' on life as "Sean Archer", ''Film/FaceOff''



->"Let's see what Control has given us in their [[UndercoverAsLovers Newlywed kit.]]. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. And brass knuckles. This must be the Commando kit. Ah, this is the Newlywed kit. Toothpaste. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. Brass knuckles."

to:

->"Let's see what Control has given us in their [[UndercoverAsLovers Newlywed kit.]]. kit:]] Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. And brass knuckles. This must be the Commando kit. Ah, this is the Newlywed kit. kit: Toothpaste. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. Brass knuckles."


->'''Nick Fury:''' Buddy, I think you have just described two of my three last marriages.

to:

->'''Nick Fury:''' ->'''ComicBook/NickFury:''' Buddy, I think you have just described two of my three last marriages.


->'''Mellie:''' Every married couple alive pretends. They pretend they don't hate their in-laws or their husband's stupid jokes or their wife's laugh or that they don't actually love one of their children more than the others. Marriage is, well, it's almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real. Buying into the delusion that there's any other way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that's, well that's the fantasy. That's pretending.\\
'''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]
-->-- ''Series/{{Scandal}}''

to:

->'''Mellie:''' Every

->'''Martok:''' My Lady.\\
'''Sirella:''' You've put on weight and your hair is going grey.\\
'''Martok:''' My deterioration is proceeding apace.\\
'''Sirella:''' I thought you would be in your grave by now.\\
'''Martok:''' I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible.
-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "You Are Cordially Invited"

->"Every
married couple alive pretends. They pretend they don't hate their in-laws or their husband's stupid jokes or their wife's laugh or that they don't actually love one of their children more than the others. Marriage is, well, it's almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real. Buying into the delusion that there's any other way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that's, well that's--well that's the fantasy. That's pretending.\\
'''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]
-->--
"
-->--'''Mellie''',
''Series/{{Scandal}}''


->She used to call me baby\\
I thought she was such a lady\\
But my how things have changed\\
Since times moved on\\
I give her my last dollar\\
And now all she'll do is holler\\
Oh, my life has become\\
A country song!
-->-- "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long", The Notorious Cherry Bombs

->You know what, Doug? You should enjoy yourself, because come Sunday youíre gonna start dying just a little bit every day.
-->-- '''Phil Wenneck''', ''Film/TheHangover''

->Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
-->-- '''Wayne Campbell''', ''Film/WaynesWorld''

->You mustn't be too harsh on my secretaries. They were always very understanding when I came to the office after a hard day at home.

to:

->She used to call me baby\\
I thought she was such a lady\\
But
!!{{Blog}}s
->''Hey, itís
my how favorite ''ComicStrip/BeetleBailey'' running gag, The Halftracks Hate Each Other With An Awful Intensity That Makes ''ComicStrip/TheLockhorns'' Look Like A Creator/NicholasSparks Novel! Like many awful things in the comics, I originally ďlikedĒ this ironically but have changed\\
Since times moved on\\
I give her my last dollar\\
And now all she'll do is holler\\
Oh, my life has become\\
A country song!
come over the years to respect its terrible purity.''
-->-- "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long", The Notorious Cherry Bombs

->You know what, Doug? You
'''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''', [[http://joshreads.com/?p=23910 "As a trained soldier, General Halftrack should enjoy yourself, because come Sunday youíre gonna start dying just a little bit know the quickest route to the human heart, actually"]]

!!{{Comic Book}}s
->'''Terrorist:''' Tell me, sir, how does it feel to know that
every day.
secret in your head will soon be utilized by your hated opposition? That your mind and body will be subjected to such intense torture that every second will feel like and hour and every minute like a full calendar year?
->'''Nick Fury:''' Buddy, I think you have just described two of my three last marriages.
-->-- '''Phil Wenneck''', ''Film/TheHangover''

->Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
''ComicBook/UltimateXMen''

!!{{Film}} -- Live-Action
->'''Larry:''' You're married! Say something, kid!\\
'''Shemp:''' HELP! HELP!
-->-- '''Wayne Campbell''', ''Film/WaynesWorld''

->You
''Film/TheThreeStooges'', "Brideless Groom"

->"You
mustn't be too harsh on my secretaries. They were always very understanding when I came to the office after a hard day at home."



->'''James:''' You can't let being married keep you from being you! It's like Tom. Always telling me I spend too much time at the gym.\\
'''Barney:''' Exactly. Is it so wrong if you want to work out a couple times a week?\\
'''James:''' Right? Or a couple time a day.\\
'''Barney:''' Or a couple time...a couple times a ''day?'' Really?\\
'''James:''' Eh, a few hours before work. A few hours after. Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone.\\
'''Barney:''' Still, that's a lot of time at the gym, especially with two kids.\\
'''James:''' It's like I always said to Tom: "I've got to stay in shape in case I'm ever single again!" And hello? I was right!
-->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS9E05ThePokerGame The Poker Games]]"

->'''Claire Underwood:''' I can't believe we've become this.\\
'''Frank Underwood:''' Become what?\\
'''Claire:''' Like everyone else.
-->-- ''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

->'''Larry:''' You're married! Say something, kid!\\
'''Shemp:''' HELP! HELP!
-->-- ''Film/TheThreeStooges'', "Brideless Groom"

->These are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine, and Death. Do you think I married them for their ''personalities?'' Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages. Every one. But they worked out, they inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here--'''75 light-years away!'''
-->-- '''Londo''', ''Series/BabylonFive''

->'''Mellie:''' Every married couple alive pretends. They pretend they don't hate their in-laws or their husband's stupid jokes or their wife's laugh or that they don't actually love one of their children more than the others. Marriage is, well, it's almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real. Buying into the delusion that there's any other way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that's, well that's the fantasy. That's pretending.\\
'''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]
-->-- ''Series/{{Scandal}}''

->'''Martok:''' My Lady.\\
'''Sirella:''' You've put on weight and your hair is going grey.\\
'''Martok:''' My deterioration is proceeding apace.\\
'''Sirella:''' I thought you would be in your grave by now.\\
'''Martok:''' I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible.
-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "You Are Cordially Invited"

->''"Marriage is a three-ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and suffe''ring''."''
-->-- '''Chester Wooley''', ''Film/TheWistfulWidowOfWagonGap''

->I love the Olympics, especially the luge. I'm married, so sliding down an icy tunnel of doom at high speed makes sense.
-->-- '''The Tight End Zone''', ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreas''

->Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution. Of course, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That is, if you're lucky enough to get a divorce. That becomes impossible when your wife's got incriminating photos of you simply having coffee with a young dancer because she was a great listener. Now, your life is just one series of endless humiliations. You lie awake and dream of the sweet release a murder-suicide could bring. But it's good, though! Really good.

to:

->'''James:''' You can't let being married keep you from being you! It's like Tom. Always telling me I spend too much time at the gym.\\
'''Barney:''' Exactly. Is it so wrong if you want to work out a couple times a week?\\
'''James:''' Right? Or a couple time a day.\\
'''Barney:''' Or a couple time...a couple times a ''day?'' Really?\\
'''James:''' Eh, a few hours before work. A few hours after. Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone.\\
'''Barney:''' Still, that's a lot of time at the gym, especially with two kids.\\
'''James:''' It's like I always said to Tom: "I've got to stay in shape in case
->'''Miracle Max''': Get back, witch!\\
'''Valerie''':
I'm ever single again!" And hello? not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I was right!
want to be that any more.
-->--''Film/ThePrincessBride''

->"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."
-->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS9E05ThePokerGame The Poker Games]]"

->'''Claire Underwood:''' I can't believe we've become this.\\
'''Frank Underwood:''' Become what?\\
'''Claire:''' Like everyone else.
'''Wayne''', ''Film/WaynesWorld''

->"You know what, Doug? You should enjoy yourself, because come Sunday youíre gonna start dying just a little bit every day."
-->-- ''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

->'''Larry:''' You're married! Say something, kid!\\
'''Shemp:''' HELP! HELP!
-->-- ''Film/TheThreeStooges'', "Brideless Groom"

->These are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine, and Death. Do you think I married them for their ''personalities?'' Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages. Every one. But they worked out, they inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here--'''75 light-years away!'''
-->-- '''Londo''', ''Series/BabylonFive''

->'''Mellie:''' Every married couple alive pretends. They pretend they don't hate their in-laws or their husband's stupid jokes or their wife's laugh or that they don't actually love one of their children more than the others. Marriage is, well, it's almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real. Buying into the delusion that there's any other way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that's, well that's the fantasy. That's pretending.\\
'''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]
-->-- ''Series/{{Scandal}}''

->'''Martok:''' My Lady.\\
'''Sirella:''' You've put on weight and your hair is going grey.\\
'''Martok:''' My deterioration is proceeding apace.\\
'''Sirella:''' I thought you would be in your grave by now.\\
'''Martok:''' I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible.
-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "You Are Cordially Invited"

->''"Marriage is a three-ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and suffe''ring''."''
-->-- '''Chester Wooley''', ''Film/TheWistfulWidowOfWagonGap''

->I love the Olympics, especially the luge. I'm married, so sliding down an icy tunnel of doom at high speed makes sense.
-->-- '''The Tight End Zone''', ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreas''

->Oh,
'''Phil Wenneck''', ''Film/TheHangover''

->"Oh,
marriage is a wonderful institution. Of course, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That is, if you're lucky enough to get a divorce. That becomes impossible when your wife's got incriminating photos of you simply having coffee with a young dancer because she was a great listener. Now, your life is just one series of endless humiliations. You lie awake and dream of the sweet release a murder-suicide could bring. But it's good, though! Really good."



->Do you have any idea what you're giving up? Do you have any idea, an inkling? Everything! Different women every night, running around like a maniac, partying, nakedness, GONE! I miss that so much, Ricky!

to:

->Do ->"Do you have any idea what you're giving up? Do you have any idea, an inkling? Everything! Different women every night, running around like a maniac, partying, nakedness, GONE! I miss that so much, Ricky!Ricky!"



->You want to know the secret to a happy marriage? Do what I do. Plaster on a fake smile, plow through the next half century, sit back, relax, and wait for the sweet embrace of death!

to:

->You ->"You want to know the secret to a happy marriage? Do what I do. Plaster on a fake smile, plow through the next half century, sit back, relax, and wait for the sweet embrace of death! death!"



->Let me be the first to say congratulations. You get one vagina for the rest of your life, real smart. [...] *cough*don't do it!*cough*

to:

->Let ->"Let me be the first to say congratulations. You get one vagina for the rest of your life, real smart. [...] *cough*don't do it!*cough*"



->"Have you ever been liberated?"
->"I've been divorced twice, does that count?"

to:

->"Have ->'''Vaudeleur''': Have you ever been liberated?"
->"I've
liberated?\\
'''Stout''': I've
been divorced twice, does that count?"



->'''Dolores:''' Where has the magic gone?
->'''Baxter:''' If you want magic, I'll take you home and saw you in half!

to:

->'''Dolores:''' Where has the magic gone?
->'''Baxter:'''
gone?\\
'''Baxter:'''
If you want magic, I'll take you home and saw you in half!



->'''Jerry:''' Beth? Do you still love me?\\
'''Beth:''' Ugh, what kind of question is that?\\
'''Jerry:''' The "yes or no" kind.\\
'''Beth:''' Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?\\
'''Jerry:''' Yes...\\
'''Beth:''' Are you gonna build them?\\
'''Jerry:''' No...\\
'''Beth:''' Then what good was the "yes"?\\
'''Jerry:''' [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people?]]\\
'''Beth:''' Loving you is ''work'', Jerry, ''hard work'', like building a homeless shelter. Nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?\\
'''Jerry:''' Sort of.\\
'''Beth:''' Then I obviously ''sort of'' love you, donít I? So stop asking, and maybe Iíll love you more.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "Rick Potion No. 9"

->Alys Karstark leaned close to Jon. "Snow during a wedding means a cold marriage. My lady mother always said so." He glanced at Queen Selyse. There must have been a blizzard the day she and Stannis wed.

to:

->'''Jerry:''' Beth? Do you still love me?\\
'''Beth:''' Ugh, what kind of question is that?\\
'''Jerry:''' The "yes or no" kind.\\
'''Beth:''' Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?\\
'''Jerry:''' Yes...\\
'''Beth:''' Are you gonna build them?\\
'''Jerry:''' No...\\
'''Beth:''' Then what good was the "yes"?\\
'''Jerry:''' [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people?]]\\
'''Beth:''' Loving you is ''work'', Jerry, ''hard work'', like building a homeless shelter. Nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?\\
'''Jerry:''' Sort of.\\
'''Beth:''' Then I obviously ''sort of'' love you, donít I? So stop asking, and maybe Iíll love you more.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "Rick Potion No. 9"

->Alys
!!{{Literature}}
->''Alys
Karstark leaned close to Jon. "Snow during a wedding means a cold marriage. My lady mother always said so." He glanced at Queen Selyse. There must have been a blizzard the day she and Stannis wed.''



->''A woman's place is in the home,\\
A woman's place is in the house.\\
And home is where you hang your hat,\\
And that is where you hang your spouse.''
-->-- '''John and June''', ''Theatre/AnyoneCanWhistle'', "Simple" (part 3)

->'''Maxwell Smart:''' Let's see what Control has given us in their [[UndercoverAsLovers Newlywed kit]]. ''[opens suitcase and takes out each item one at a time]'' Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. And brass knuckles. This must be the Commando kit. ''[opens another suitcase]'' Ah, this is the Newlywed kit. ''[takes out each item]'' Toothpaste. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. Brass knuckles.
-->-- ''Series/GetSmart''

->She had spent the last six months or so trying to face the bleak prospect of the thirty or even forty loveless years which lay ahead of her as this man's mate, this man who had become by turns [[HairTriggerTemper angry]], [[{{Jerkass}} coldly sarcastic]] and [[LackOfEmpathy unmindful]] of her. She had become just another piece of furniture as far as [[TheGamblingAddict Danforth]] was concerned... unless, of course, [[BerserkButton she got in his way]].

to:

->''A woman's place is in the home,\\
A woman's place is in the house.\\
And home is where you hang your hat,\\
And that is where you hang your spouse.''
-->-- '''John and June''', ''Theatre/AnyoneCanWhistle'', "Simple" (part 3)

->'''Maxwell Smart:''' Let's see what Control has given us in their [[UndercoverAsLovers Newlywed kit]]. ''[opens suitcase and takes out each item one at a time]'' Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. And brass knuckles. This must be the Commando kit. ''[opens another suitcase]'' Ah, this is the Newlywed kit. ''[takes out each item]'' Toothpaste. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. Brass knuckles.
-->-- ''Series/GetSmart''

->She
->''She had spent the last six months or so trying to face the bleak prospect of the thirty or even forty loveless years which lay ahead of her as this man's mate, this man who had become by turns [[HairTriggerTemper angry]], [[{{Jerkass}} angry, coldly sarcastic]] sarcastic and [[LackOfEmpathy unmindful]] unmindful of her. She had become just another piece of furniture as far as [[TheGamblingAddict Danforth]] Danforth was concerned... unless, of course, [[BerserkButton she got in his way]].way.''



!!LiveActionTV
->"Let's see what Control has given us in their [[UndercoverAsLovers Newlywed kit.]]. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. And brass knuckles. This must be the Commando kit. Ah, this is the Newlywed kit. Toothpaste. Throwing knife. Knockout drops. Revolver. Brass knuckles."
-->-- '''Maxwell''', ''Series/GetSmart''

->"These are my three wives: [[HorsemenOfTheApocalypse Pestilence, Famine, and Death.]] Do you think I married them for their ''personalities?'' Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages, every one. But they worked out; they inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here--''75 light-years away!''"
-->-- '''Londo''', ''Series/BabylonFive''

->'''Mellie:''' Every married couple alive pretends. They pretend they don't hate their in-laws or their husband's stupid jokes or their wife's laugh or that they don't actually love one of their children more than the others. Marriage is, well, it's almost all pretend. For everyone. That's the reality. That's what's real. Buying into the delusion that there's any other way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that's, well that's the fantasy. That's pretending.\\
'''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]
-->-- ''Series/{{Scandal}}''

->'''Barney:''' Still, that's a lot of time at the gym, especially with two kids.\\
'''James:''' It's like I always said to Tom: "I've got to stay in shape in case I'm ever single again!" And hello? I was right!
-->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS9E05ThePokerGame The Poker Games]]"

->'''Claire Underwood:''' I can't believe we've become this.\\
'''Frank Underwood:''' Become what?\\
'''Claire:''' Like everyone else.
-->-- ''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

!!{{Music}}
->''She used to call me baby\\
I thought she was such a lady\\
But my how things have changed\\
Since times moved on\\
I give her my last dollar\\
And now all she'll do is holler\\
Oh, my life has become\\
A country song!''
-->-- "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long", The Notorious Cherry Bombs

->''"Marriage is a three-ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and suffe''ring''."''
-->-- '''Chester Wooley''', ''Film/TheWistfulWidowOfWagonGap''

!!StandUpComedy
->"You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere."
-->-- '''Creator/ChrisRock'''

!!{{Theatre}}



->My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! ''({{Beat}})'' Her aim is getting better! You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
-->-- '''Stan Pines,''' ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''

to:

->My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! ''({{Beat}})'' Her aim is getting better! You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
!!{{Video Game}}s
->"I love the Olympics, especially the luge! I'm married, so sliding down ''an icy tunnel of doom'' at high speed ''makes sense!''"
-->-- '''Stan Pines,''' ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''
'''''[[Radio/GTARadio The Tight End Zone]]''''', ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreas''

!!WebOriginal
->''Yes, yes, Jon Gosselin hates [[Series/JonAndKatePlusEight Kate Gosselin]] as much as Kate Gosselin hates the off switch on a camera.''
-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/02/27/jon-gosselin-continues-to-spit-out-poetic-words-of-love-about-kate-gosselin/ Michael K.]]''', "Jon has written his memoirs (280 pages of nothing but ''[='=][[MadnessMantra DIE KATE DIE KATE]][='=]'')"

!!WebVideo



'''Kirito:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Oh, mommy's fair game; go for the throat.]]

to:

'''Kirito:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Oh, mommy's fair game; go for the throat.]]



->'''Terrorist:''' Tell me, sir, how does it feel to know that every secret in your head will soon be utilized by your hated opposition? That your mind and body will be subjected to such intense torture that every second will feel like and hour and every minute like a full calendar year?
->'''Nick Fury:''' Buddy, I think you have just described two of my three last marriages.
-->-- ''ComicBook/UltimateXMen''

!!!RealLife
->Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married, too.

to:

->'''Terrorist:''' Tell me, sir, how does it feel !!WesternAnimation
->'''Jerry:''' Beth? Do you still love me?\\
'''Beth:''' Ugh, what kind of question is that?\\
'''Jerry:''' The "yes or no" kind.\\
'''Beth:''' Jerry, do you want homeless people
to know that every secret in your head will soon be utilized by your hated opposition? That your mind and body will be subjected to such intense torture that every second will feel have homes?\\
'''Jerry:''' Yes...\\
'''Beth:''' Are you gonna build them?\\
'''Jerry:''' No...\\
'''Beth:''' Then what good was the "yes"?\\
'''Jerry:''' [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people?]]\\
'''Beth:''' Loving you is ''work'', Jerry, ''hard work'',
like building a homeless shelter. Nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?\\
'''Jerry:''' Sort of.\\
'''Beth:''' Then I obviously ''sort of'' love you, donít I? So stop asking,
and hour and every minute like a full calendar year?
->'''Nick Fury:''' Buddy, I think
maybe Iíll love you have just described two of my three last marriages.
more.
-->-- ''ComicBook/UltimateXMen''

!!!RealLife
->Bachelors
''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "Rick Potion No. 9"

->"My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Her aim is getting better! You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible."
-->-- '''Stan Pines,''' ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''

!!RealLife
->''Bachelors
know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married, too. ''



->I personally feel that we live far too long to be monogamous. It was a nice notion when you might not make it to the age of 14, so youíd better impregnate someone by 13, before a rock was dropped on your head. These days, the biggest thing keeping marriages together is the vibrator.

to:

->I ->''I personally feel that we live far too long to be monogamous. It was a nice notion when you might not make it to the age of 14, so youíd better impregnate someone by 13, before a rock was dropped on your head. These days, the biggest thing keeping marriages together is the vibrator.''



->You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
-->-- '''Creator/ChrisRock'''

->It was funny, because I ran into Billy, and a lot of people think there was some kind of falling out. It was mostly that he wrote a strongly worded letter about how Creator/RoseMcGowan would ruin my life and ruin my career if I stayed with her, which was good advice...he was genuinely just looking out for my best interests.

to:

->You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
-->-- '''Creator/ChrisRock'''

->It was funny, because I ran into Billy, and a lot of people think there was some kind of falling out. It
->"It was mostly that he wrote a strongly worded letter about how Creator/RoseMcGowan would ruin my life and ruin my career if I stayed with her, which was good advice...he was genuinely just looking out for my best interests."




->Hey, itís my favorite ''ComicStrip/BeetleBailey'' running gag, The Halftracks Hate Each Other With An Awful Intensity That Makes ComicStrip/TheLockhorns Look Like A Creator/NicholasSparks Novel! Like many awful things in the comics, I originally ďlikedĒ this ironically but have come over the years to respect its terrible purity.
-->-- '''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''', [[http://joshreads.com/?p=23910 "As a trained soldier, General Halftrack should know the quickest route to the human heart, actually"]]

->Yes, yes, Jon Gosselin hates [[Series/JonAndKatePlusEight Kate Gosselin]] as much as Kate Gosselin hates [[AttentionWhore the off switch on a camera]].
-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/02/27/jon-gosselin-continues-to-spit-out-poetic-words-of-love-about-kate-gosselin/ Michael K.]]''', "Jon has written his memoirs (280 pages of nothing but ''[='=][[MadnessMantra DIE KATE DIE KATE]][='=]'')"

->'''Miracle Max''': Get back, witch!\\
'''Valerie''': I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.
-->--''Film/ThePrincessBride''

Added DiffLines:

->'''Kirito:''' Okay, sweetie, I'm going to let you in on a little-known secret of comedy: Bad things aren't funny when they happen to daddy.\\
'''Yui:''' What about mommy?\\
'''Kirito:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Oh, mommy's fair game; go for the throat.]]
-->--''WebVideo/SwordArtOnlineAbridged'' Episode 13

Added DiffLines:

->'''Miracle Max''': Get back, witch!\\
'''Valerie''': I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.
-->--''Film/ThePrincessBride''


->'''Martok:''' My Lady.

to:

->'''Martok:''' My Lady.\\


->'''Martok:''' ''(airlock opens)'' My Lady.\\

to:

->'''Martok:''' ''(airlock opens)'' My Lady.\\



'''Sirella:''': I thought you would be in your grave by now.\\
'''Martok:''': I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible.

to:

'''Sirella:''': '''Sirella:''' I thought you would be in your grave by now.\\
'''Martok:''': '''Martok:''' I shall endeavor to die this year, if possible.

Added DiffLines:

->You mustn't be too harsh on my secretaries. They were always very understanding when I came to the office after a hard day at home.
-->--'''Job''', ''Film/MrSkeffington''

Added DiffLines:

->'''Terrorist:''' Tell me, sir, how does it feel to know that every secret in your head will soon be utilized by your hated opposition? That your mind and body will be subjected to such intense torture that every second will feel like and hour and every minute like a full calendar year?
->'''Nick Fury:''' Buddy, I think you have just described two of my three last marriages.
-->-- ''ComicBook/UltimateXMen''


-->--"It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long", The Notorious Cherry Bombs

to:

-->--"It's -->-- "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long", The Notorious Cherry Bombs



->'''Claire Underwood''': I can't believe we've become this.\\
'''Frank Underwood''': Become what?\\
'''Claire''': Like everyone else.
-->--''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

->'''Larry''': You're married! Say something, kid!\\
'''Shemp''': HELP! HELP!
-->--''Film/TheThreeStooges'', "Brideless Groom"

to:

->'''Claire Underwood''': I ->'''James:''' You can't believe we've become this.let being married keep you from being you! It's like Tom. Always telling me I spend too much time at the gym.\\
'''Barney:''' Exactly. Is it so wrong if you want to work out a couple times a week?\\
'''James:''' Right? Or a couple time a day.\\
'''Barney:''' Or a couple time...a couple times a ''day?'' Really?\\
'''James:''' Eh, a few hours before work. A few hours after. Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone.\\
'''Barney:''' Still, that's a lot of time at the gym, especially with two kids.\\
'''James:''' It's like I always said to Tom: "I've got to stay in shape in case I'm ever single again!" And hello? I was right!
-->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS9E05ThePokerGame The Poker Games]]"

->'''Claire Underwood:''' I can't believe we've become this.\\
'''Frank Underwood''': Underwood:''' Become what?\\
'''Claire''': '''Claire:''' Like everyone else.
-->--''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

->'''Larry''':
-->-- ''Series/HouseOfCardsUS''

->'''Larry:'''
You're married! Say something, kid!\\
'''Shemp''': '''Shemp:''' HELP! HELP!
-->--''Film/TheThreeStooges'', -->-- ''Film/TheThreeStooges'', "Brideless Groom"



-->--'''Londo''', ''Series/BabylonFive''

to:

-->--'''Londo''', -->-- '''Londo''', ''Series/BabylonFive''



'''Fitz''': Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]

to:

'''Fitz''': '''Fitz:''' Did I do this to you? Or have you always been like this? Because if it was me, [[TearJerker I'm sorry. I'm sorry.]]



-->--'''''The Tight End Zone''''', ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreas''

to:

-->--'''''The -->-- '''The Tight End Zone''''', Zone''', ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoSanAndreas''



-->--'''Beanie''', ''Film/OldSchool''

to:

-->--'''Beanie''', -->-- '''Beanie''', ''Film/OldSchool''



-->--''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "Rick Potion No. 9"

to:

-->--''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', -->-- ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "Rick Potion No. 9"



-->--''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire''

to:

-->--''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire''
-->-- ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire''



-->--''Literature/NeedfulThings''

to:

-->--''Literature/NeedfulThings''
-->-- ''Literature/NeedfulThings''



-->--'''Madame Thernadier''', ''Theatre/LesMiserables''

to:

-->--'''Madame -->-- '''Madame Thernadier''', ''Theatre/LesMiserables''



-->--'''Creator/HLMencken'''

to:

-->--'''Creator/HLMencken'''
-->-- '''Creator/HLMencken'''



-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal'''

to:

-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal'''
-->-- '''Creator/GoreVidal'''



-->--'''Creator/ChrisRock'''

to:

-->--'''Creator/ChrisRock'''
-->-- '''Creator/ChrisRock'''



-->--'''Music/MarilynManson''' on [[Music/TheSmashingPumpkins Billy Corgan]]

to:

-->--'''Music/MarilynManson''' -->-- '''Music/MarilynManson''' on [[Music/TheSmashingPumpkins Billy Corgan]]



-->--'''''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''''', [[http://joshreads.com/?p=23910 "As a trained soldier, General Halftrack should know the quickest route to the human heart, actually"]]

to:

-->--'''''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''''', -->-- '''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''', [[http://joshreads.com/?p=23910 "As a trained soldier, General Halftrack should know the quickest route to the human heart, actually"]]



-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/02/27/jon-gosselin-continues-to-spit-out-poetic-words-of-love-about-kate-gosselin/ Michael K.]]''', "Jon has written his memoirs (280 pages of nothing but ''[='=][[MadnessMantra DIE KATE DIE KATE]][='=]'')"



to:

-->--'''[[http://dlisted.-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/02/27/jon-gosselin-continues-to-spit-out-poetic-words-of-love-about-kate-gosselin/ Michael K.]]''', "Jon has written his memoirs (280 pages of nothing but ''[='=][[MadnessMantra DIE KATE DIE KATE]][='=]'')"


KATE]][='=]'')"

Added DiffLines:

->My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! ''({{Beat}})'' Her aim is getting better! You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
-->-- '''Stan Pines,''' ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''

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