History Main / YouCantMissIt

* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'': In "[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS6E23WhereTheAppleLies Where the Apple Lies]]", Applejack gives Filthy Rich deliberately vague and complicated directions to him and Spoiled Milk when they're looking for Granny Smith's room in the hospital, ending with "Easy as Granny's apple pie." Naturally, they get lost.

[[folder:Anime]]

* A variation is done in ''Manga/DragonBall''; During the Buu Arc, Super Buu appears at the Lookout to fight Gotenks. Knowing Goten and Trunks don't stand a chance, Piccolo has them go to the [[YearInsideHourOutside Chamber of Space and Time]] to train while he stalls for time. When Buu gets impatient and demands to fight '''now''', Piccolo decides to take him to the Chamber, but purposely takes the longest most convoluted route imaginable to buy even more time.

[[folder:Films -- Animated]]
* The Wolf and Twitchy in ''WesternAnimation/{{Hoodwinked}}'' are contemplating how to get to Granny Puckett's house when Boingo shows up and offers directions:
-->'''The Wolf:''' You know how to get there?
-->'''Boingo:''' Oh, yeah. Yeah, in fact, I know a shortcut.
-->'''The Wolf:''' ''[to Twitchy]'' You hear that? He knows a shortcut.
-->'''Boingo:''' You go [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Over_the_River_and_Through_the_Wood over the woods and through the river]]... no, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet.
-->'''The Wolf:''' You see, Twitchy, [[WhenLifeGivesYouLemons you get lemons, you make lemonade]]...
-->''([[GilliganCut Cuts]] to the Wolf and Twitchy walking in ankle-deep water through a pitch-black tunnel; Twitchy turns on his camera light]''
-->'''The Wolf:''' ...and then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. [[DoesntTrustThoseGuys Never trust a bunny with directions]], Twitchy.
-->'''Twitchy:''' Sure thing, boss! Never trust a bunny!

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* John Goodman's character in the 1997 film version of ''Film/{{The Borrowers|1997}}'' rudely asked a receptionist for directions to a room in the building and she replied by giving him a lot of complicated instructions, ending with "walk quickly". Later on, the KidHero politely asked for the same thing and this time she said "take the elevator to the top and walk straight ahead - You can't miss it".
* ''Film/ThisIsSpinalTap'': the guys get lost backstage and ask a janitor for directions to the stage. Following his directions only lead them back to the same janitor.
* From ''Film/TheLostSkeletonOfCadavra'':
-->"Stay on this road here, past Dead Man's Curve, you'll come to an old fence, called The Devil's Fence. From there, go on foot till you come to a valley known as The Cathedral Of Lost Soap. Smack in the center is what they call Forgetful Milkman's Quadrangle. Stay right on The Path Of Staring Skulls and you come to a place called Death Clearing. Cabin's right there, can't miss it."
* From ''Film/TheDish'':
--> '''Al:''' The prime receiving station has no idea where Apollo XI is?
--> '''Glenn:''' Yeah, it's on its way to the Moon.
** Later, they realise that this is the correct answer: if the spaceship was on its way to the Moon, with only a few thousand miles to go, it would be within a few degrees of the Moon in the sky.
* The phrase is used in ''Film/FromDuskTillDawn'', when the elder Gecko brother is giving the minister instructions on how to get to the Titty Twister, ending with, "From what I understand, you can't miss it." It ends with a GilliganCut to the establishment, which includes a 30 foot neon picture of a naked woman, and bikers riding around in front of it so, yeah, sorta hard to miss.
* In ''Film/FunnyFarm'', the movers get lost trying to find the main characters' new house. A local gives them directions that only a local would understand, including instructions to turn where landmarks ''used'' to be. They arrive a day late and pissed off.
* ''[[TheGoonShow The Case Of The Mukkinese Battle Horn]]'' opens with a [[AFoggyDayInLondonTown thick London fog]]. But the narrator cheerfully points out that even in the thickest of fogs, there are some landmarks you just can't miss. Like Nelson's column, for example. ''*sound of car crashing*'' "You see? There's someone not missing it now!"
* In ''Film/RedSonja'', directions to find Queen Gedren's castle include "Straight north from here. You can't miss it. But it's worth a try."

[[folder:Literature]]

* Mr. Tyler from ''Literature/GoodOmens'' gives directions like this, complete with tangents aggravated by his self-righteous tendencies.
-->You go back down that road for half a mile, then first left, it's in a deplorable state of disrepair I'm afraid, I've written numerous letters to the council about it, are you ''civil servants'' or ''civil masters'', that's what I asked them, after all, who pays your wages? then second right, only it's not exactly right, it's on the left but you'll find it bends round toward the right eventually, it's signposted Porrit's Lane, but of course it isn't Porrit's Lane, you look at the ordinance survey map, you'll see, it's simply the eastern end of Forest Hill Lane, you'll come out in the village, now you go past the Bull and Fiddle -- that's a public house -- then when you get to the church (I have pointed out to the people who compile the ordinance survey map that it's a church with a spire, not a church with a ''tower'', indeed I have written to the Tadfield ''Advertiser'', suggesting they mount a local campaign to get the map corrected, and I have every hope that once these people realize with whom they are dealing you'll see a hasty U-turn from them) then you'll get to a crossroads, now, you go straight across that crossroads and you'll immediately come to a second crossroads, now, you can take either the left-hand fork or go straight on, either way you'll arrive at the air base (although the left-hand fork is almost a tenth of a mile shorter) and you can't miss it.
* ''The Literature/{{Discworld}} Mapp'' explains that navigating by asking people where you are never works. Either the person isn't from around here, despite the fact they are walking a dog, or they know where they are in such detail that they can't pass this information on in any useful form:
-->"turn where you get to where the boot factory used to be, no, tell you what, it'll save you some time, go along where the viaduct was, you can't miss it, then turn right only it's really straight ahead, and kind of jiggle past the main road and ... no, I tell a lie, what you do is, you go back down here until you get to where you can see the old hospital was, only you can't no more 'cos they've taken the sign away, and..."
* One of [[ThesquiresTales Gerald Morris]]' books had the heroes ask a random couple for directions. The couple mentions things like "the swamp where Betty's horse almost drowned," and "The tree that was cut down after it was struck by lightning" before they start arguing about whether someone's son broke his arm before or after they painted their barn, and the protagonists leave in disgust.
* In Literature/TheHollows novel ''A Fistful of Charms'', Rachel is in a small town and is given directions to the local magic store that includes such useful landmarks as "the church that burned down two years ago".
* Erma Bombeck once wrote a joke about asking a gas station attendant directions on how to get to a baseball field. The guy starts into the complicated turn left turn right you've gone too far, only to have her say that they're already at the last landmark. The guy says that's cause she's here already, the baseball field is behind the station. What a wisenheimer.
* Parodied in ''Literature/DaveBarrySleptHere'', in which the old route from Europe to the East is described: "cross the Alps on foot, then take a sailing ship across the Mediterranean to Egypt, then take a camel across the desert, then take ''another'' sailing ship ''back'' across the Mediterranean, then change to the [[UsefulNotes/NewYorkSubway IRT Number 6 Local]] as far as 104th Street, and then ask directions."

[[folder: Live Action TV ]]

-->'''Chris Quinn/Michael Ellis:''' Oh, where do I go to complain?
-->'''Lift Operator:''' Straight on, then left, then right past the thing, then up the little stairs, then right past the bit where it's gone all soft, down the wobbly bit, left past the nail, past the brown stain on the wall to your right, and it's the door marked "exit" straight ahead of you on the left.
* Subverted on ''LittleBritain'':

* ''Series/DoctorWho'' "The Unquiet Dead":
-->'''The Doctor:''' There's a wardrobe through there. First left, second right, third on the left, go straight ahead, under the stairs, past the bins, it's the fifth door on your left. Hurry up!
** In "Daleks in Manhattan," when Martha and the Doctor volunteer to do a tunnel clearing project in the sewers for Mr. Diagoras, Diagoras says, "Turn left. Go about a half a mile. Follow tunnel 273. The fall's right ahead of you. You can't miss it." Of course, there is no tunnel collapse - it's a ruse invented to lure more Hooverville residents into a position to be captured and converted into Dalek-Human hybrids.
** Also happens in the Doctor Who Adventure Game TARDIS, when the Doctor tries to direct Amy to the Drawing Room. Supposedly, it's 'half a mile down the corridor, left, then right, then right again, then the third right, past a weird swirly thing, left, then the other left, through the sun room, past a green door, right, along a wall until it becomes slimey, down a lift to the third floor and straight ahead.'
* A set of instructions for getting from the Hekawi Indian camp to Fort Courage on ''FTroop'' once included (approximately): "Turn left at the big rock that looks like a bear. Then turn right at the big bear that looks like a rock."

---> Gimme the fuckin' address!\\

I'm using a GPS!

[[folder: Newspaper Comics ]]

* The "giving directions by now-demolished landmarks" variant was used as the joke in one strip of ''[[http://joshreads.com/?p=1219 Pluggers]]'':
-->'''Plugger:''' ...then take a left where the Safeway used to be, go a couple of miles, and it's on the right where the Miller Dairy was...
-->''Pluggers give directions in the past tense''
* In ''ComicStrip/BeetleBailey'', there have been a few occasions when someone is advised on how to find a particular person's tent (or similar) with the phrase, and indeed they couldn't miss it even among a row of tents because it turned out to look very idiosyncratic in the given person's style.

[[folder: Stand-up Comedy ]]

* Dave Allen: "If you want to get there I wouldn't start from here."
* From Creator/JeffFoxworthy: "If the directions to your house include the phrase 'turn off the paved road', you might be a redneck."
* A joke involves a guy asking for directions at a bar in the middle of nowhere, being told to turn left at a crossroads where there's a red pickup truck parked. And what if it's not there? Turn left anyway.

[[folder:Theatre]]

* The opening number of the musical ''Plain And Fancy'', which is actually titled "You Can't Miss It," has Pennsylvanians offering the main characters confusing directions that might or might not take them to Bird-in-Hand.

[[folder: Truth In Television ]]

* [[http://consumerist.com/consumer/google/google-suggests-you-swim-across-the-atlantic-ocean-248199.php Google suggests you swim across the Atlantic Ocean]].
** If going between China and Japan, it suggests you jet ski the Pacific.

[[folder: Video Games ]]

* The mapmaker gives you directions like this in a delivery mission in ''VideoGame/TheLongestJourney''.
* In ''VideoGame/QuestForGloryII'', before you can buy a map of the city (which allows you to instantly teleport to any location you've been to before, and navigate the confusing maze of alleyways to anywhere new you need to get), you need to get your money changed to the local currency. The map-seller is happy to give you directions to the money-changer... directions that require note-taking and extreme care to follow correctly.
* Inverted in "VideoGame/DungeonSiege" . When Legion Overseer Ibsen Yamas gives the quest to reinforce Fortress Kroth, he says "Just follow your nose through the ice cave and you'll get there soon enough." However, after the ice cave, the player and the party must fight through a crystal cave, a forest full of bandits, a zombie-infested swamp, a steampunk underground Goblin fortress, rid a difficult waterlogged dungeon of enemies, clear some Temple Ruins of floating skeletons and beholders, and finally emerge in a scrubland... only to find your path to Fortress Kroth blocked by the Necromancer Gresh. Once he is dead, his barriers disappear and the fort is open.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Web Comics ]]

* Parodied by Webcomic/{{xkcd}} in [[http://www.xkcd.com/461/ this strip]]. And [[http://xkcd.com/783/ this one]]. And [[http://xkcd.com/1155/ this]].
* Parodied in ''Webcomic/BobAndGeorge'', when Dr. Light gives George extremely complex instructions on operating a time machine... with a single button. When he complains:
-->'''Dr. Light:''' Jesus, George, it's only one button!
** George gets Dr. Light back later with another one-button control. Although to be fair, [[spoiler:he was just distracting the doctor with his complicated instructions while someone else did the real work behind the scenes.]]
* [[http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/08/19/ This]] ''Webcomic/PennyArcade'' comic.

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Western Animation ]]

* From ''WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife'', Rocko and Heffer ask directions to Flem Rock from a country bumpkin, who proceeds to give rambling directions, then gets sidetracked telling an anecdote about a friend of his:
-->"Flem Rock? Well... first you gotta go back 5 or 10 Miles till you get to big purple shed with Rufus painted on the side. You take the dirt road just past that shed. Don't go to far, just a little bit past it. If you see another shed with Chaka Khan painted on the side then you've gone too far."
* The ''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes'' short "There Auto Be a Law" had a RunningGag of a man in a complicated overpass asking a hamburger stand attendant for directions to the main road. The attendant keeps giving him different directions, ending each time with "you can't miss". At the end of the cartoon, the attendant confesses that he doesn't know how to get out of the overpass, and that he opened the stand to keep from starving to death.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/DangerMouse'' episode "Custard", Danger Mouse is searching space for a custard-eating alien that can help thwart Baron Greenback's plot to flood the world with custard, and asks another alien for directions. The alien obligingly gives him complicated directions, complete with seemingly-random pointing and obscure landmarks ("...turn left at the planet with the little pink rocks and the shops that close on Thursdays...").
* WesternAnimation/{{Squidbillies}}: Early's incomprehensible directions to the pizza guy. "No, I said left at the BIG stump! I know you think that's a big stump, but there's a bigger'un comin' down the road!"
[[/folder]]

* The Wolf, in ''WesternAnimation/{{Hoodwinked}}'', falls victim to this after Red escapes:

Especially aggravating for those with NoSenseOfDirection, or a DirectionlessDriver.

* In ''BeetleBailey'', there have been a few occasions when someone is advised on how to find a particular person's tent (or similar) with the phrase, and indeed they couldn't miss it even among a row of tents because it turned out to look very idiosyncratic in the given person's style.

* In TheHollows novel ''A Fistful of Charms'', Rachel is in a small town and is given directions to the local magic store that includes such useful landmarks as "the church that burned down two years ago".

* Parodied in ''BobAndGeorge'', when Dr. Light gives George extremely complex instructions on operating a time machine... with a single button. When he complains:

[[folder:Film]]

* John Goodman's character in the 1997 film version of ''Film/{{The Borrowers|1997}}'' rudely asked a receptionist for directions to a room in the building and she replied by giving him a lot of complicated instructions, ending with "walk quickly". Later on, the KidHero politely asked for the same thing and this time she said "take the elevator to the top and walk straight ahead - You can't miss it".
* The Wolf, in ''{{Hoodwinked}}'', falls victim to this after Red escapes:

* ''ThisIsSpinalTap'': the guys get lost backstage and ask a janitor for directions to the stage. Following his directions only lead them back to the same janitor.
* From ''TheLostSkeletonOfCadavra'':

* From ''TheDish'':

* In ''FunnyFarm'', the movers get lost trying to find the main characters' new house. A local gives them directions that only a local would understand, including instructions to turn where landmarks ''used'' to be. They arrive a day late and pissed off.

* ''MarriedWithChildren'': Al went to a shop and found it closed. When he asked a passerby where to find her, he gave a complicated set of instructions and Al asked if he could simply go to the other side of the street. The passerby explained he needed a ride.
* One ''SaturdayNightLive'' sketch from 1992 was a game show called "What's The Best Way?" where New Englanders had to give directions from location to location (Like Quincy, Massachusetts to the the Jordan Marsh department store in Bedford, New Hampshire) and answered questions about the route (Example: Hartford to Sturbridge, how many Dunkin' Donuts along the way? Answer: [[spoiler: Fourteen, four of them with drive thrus.]])
* In TopGear, the cast used a navigation service to plot a route between 2 towns without using the major highway. The route they got was ridiculously long, and including going through Cork in ''Ireland'' and going through ''France''. Then they printed up the directions.

* From ''RockosModernLife'', Rocko and Heffer ask directions to Flem Rock from a country bumpkin, who proceeds to give rambling directions, then gets sidetracked telling an anecdote about a friend of his:

* {{Squidbillies}}: Early's incomprehensible directions to the pizza guy. "No, I said left at the BIG stump! I know you think that's a big stump, but there's a bigger'un comin' down the road!"

* In ''HoushinEngi'', a hideously complicated aerial maneuver is called out (and part of it is the ClassicCheatCode "up up down down..."), but it pays off in the end because the guy giving the instructions was TheChessmaster.

* In ''BeetleBailey'', there have been a few occasions when someone is adviced how to find a particular person's tent (or similar) with the phrase, and indeed they couldn't miss it even among a row of tents because it turned out to look very idiosyncratic in the given person's style.

* The Wolf, ''{{Hoodwinked}}'', falls victim to this after Red escapes:

When asked how to get to, say, [[MeaningfulName Scarborough Faire]], one has to go down Fifth Boulevard, turn left at the ice cream shop, hang right at the third intersection, go east on North Avenue, north on South Avenue, cut through three-quarters of Hide Park, take the Six Thirty-Six to Fourth Station, do a U-turn after 3.5 stop signs, shake a leg down Short Street, boogie up the West Side, and do the hokey-pokey and turn oneself around, since that's what it's all about.

* From JeffFoxworthy: "If the directions to your house include the phrase 'turn off the paved road', you might be a redneck."

* ''[[TheGoonShow The Case Of The Mukkinese Battle Horn]]'' opens with a thick London fog. But the narrator cheerfully points out that even in the thickest of fogs, there are some landmarks you just can't miss. Like Nelson's column, for example. ''*sound of car crashing*'' "You see? There's someone not missing it now!"

-->'''Twitchy:''' ''[out of breath after catching up to the Wolf; he collapses on his back]'' So can we eat?
-->'''The Wolf:''' Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch.
-->'''Twitchy:''' ''[sits up]'' Well what do we do?
-->'''The Wolf:''' We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does. ''[Boingo appears]''
-->'''Boingo:''' Is it a surprise?
-->'''The Wolf:''' Excuse me?
-->'''Boingo:''' You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or what is it? Is it some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties! Watch me pull myself out of a hat! ''[scratches his right ear against his head]''
-->'''The Wolf:''' Yeah, big surprise party. You know how to get there?

-->'''The Wolf:''' ''[to Twitchy, incredulous]'' [[LampshadeHanging You hear that? He knows a shortcut.]]

-->'''The Wolf:''' ...and then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. [[DoesntTrustThoseGuys Never trust a bunny]] with directions, Twitchy.

-->'''The Wolf:''' Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off. ''[immediately falls into a small hole, soaking his hoodie and bringing the water up to his waist]'' Why couldn't I write movie reviews? ''[stands up]'' We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless, not to mention he wrote the directions on an '''Easter Egg''' ''[holds up a brightly colored Easter egg with something illegible scribbled on it]'' which is ''very'' hard to read.
-->'''Twitchy:''' Oh, we're gonna die in here!
-->'''The Wolf:''' Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo!

* Parodied in [[http://www.xkcd.com/461/ this xkcd strip]].

* The phrase is used in ''FromDuskTillDawn'', when the elder Gecko brother is giving the minister instructions on how to get to the Titty Twister, ending with, "From what I understand, you can't miss it." It ends with a GilliganCut to the establishment, which includes a 30 foot neon picture of a naked woman, and bikers riding around in front of it so, yeah, sorta hard to miss.

* Georgia residents have, as a sort of state-wide InsideJoke, the phrase "If you see the Big Chicken, you've gone too far." The Big Chicken, incidentally, is a KFC [[ShapedLikeWhatItSells made to look like,]] [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin well...]]

* In the ''DangerMouse'' episode "Custard", Danger Mouse is searching space for a custard-eating alien that can help thwart Baron Greenback's plot to flood the world with custard, and asks another alien for directions. The alien obligingly gives him complicated directions, complete with seemingly-random pointing and obscure landmarks ("...turn left at the planet with the little pink rocks and the shops that close on Thursdays...").

* The opening number of the musical ''Plain And Fancy'', which is actually titled "You Can't Miss It."

* The mapmaker gives you directions like this in a delivery mission in ''TheLongestJourney''.

* Georgia residents have, as a sort of state-wide InsideJoke, the phrase "If you see the Big Chicken, you've gone too far." The Big Chicken, incidentally, is a KFC made to look like, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin well...]]

* Not a landmark, but Daniel Jackson uses almost his exact phrase when describing Teal'c in an early episode of ''[[Series/{{Stargate SG-1}} SG-1]]''.
--> '''Daniel''': Where's Teal'c?
--> ''Blank stares''
--> '''Daniel''': Teal'c? Big guy? Gold emblem on his forehead, Goa'uld in his stomach... you can't... miss him...
--> ''Everyone looks confused''

-->'''The Wolf:''' ...and then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. [[NeverTrustATrope Never trust a bunny]] with directions, Twitchy.