History Main / BecauseYouCanCope

There is a HeroicSacrifice version of this trope, where a character volunteers to take one for the team because they are better equipped to deal with a bad situation -- for example, TheBigGuy goads an enemy into attacking them in order to protect TheChick or the SquishyWizard. Tragically, he usually overestimates his own resilience. The trope can be PlayedForLaughs but may end with DudeNotFunny. A game of MiseryPoker may be involved, especially between siblings. A FamilyUnfriendlyAesop usually results -- "if you ''can'' handle it, you ''should'' handle it, no matter how much it hurts you". Occasionally, the mentor/parent will use the "Because you can cope" excuse as an excuse to cover up more sinister motives -- or just their own thoughtlessness. Related to MiseryBuildsCharacter.

* Can also be used to justify {{DoubleStandard}}s when it comes to interpersonal abuse. If the abuser is considered the "weaker" party (physically smaller, for example), they can unleash all kinda of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse on the other party, who is often told that because they are "bigger and stronger" in some sense, that the abuser can't ''actually'' do any real harm to them and that they should just stand there and take it because of this trope.

* This is the extremely controversial ending of the infamous "Seahorse Seashell Party" episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy.'' The whole Griffin family is trapped indoors during a hurricane, and begin to, as always, gang up on eldest daughter Meg, who has been TheUnfavorite and ButtMonkey for years. Their treatment of her has long passed from gentle joking to full-on physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. Meg, who can't take it any more, finally proceeds to tear them all down in a series of [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech blistering speeches]], explaining exactly why and how Chris, Lois, and Peter have mistreated her. They are stunned by her words and begin turning on each other. In the end, though, Meg realizes that the family is [[BigScrewedUpFamily so dysfunctional]] that they ''need'' a "lightning rod" to absorb all of their neuroses and problems, or the individual members will ultimately destroy themselves. She resigns herself to being that lightning rod, which Brian praises as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The audience, who saw this as an incredibly BrokenAesop about justifying and even embracing abuse because "you can take it," reacted with utter outrage, and cite that "lesson" as the reason that "Seahorse Seashell Party" is considered [[DarthWiki/DethroningMomentOfSuck the absolute worst episode of the series.]]

* This is the extremely controversial ending of the infamous "Seahorse Seashell Party" episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy.'' The whole Griffin family is trapped indoors during a hurricane, and begin to, as always, gang up on eldest daughter Meg, who has been TheUnfavorite and ButtMonkey for years. Their treatment of her has long passed from gentle joking to full-on physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. Meg, who can't take it any more, finally proceeds to tear them all down in a series of [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech blistering speeches]], explaining exactly why and how Chris, Lois, and Peter have mistreated her. They are stunned by her words and begin turning on each other. In the end, though, Meg realizes that the family is [[BigScrewedUpFamily so dysfunctional]] that they ''need'' a "lightning rod" to absorb all of their neuroses and problems, or the individual members will ultimately destroy themselves. She resigns herself to being that lightning rod, which Brian praises as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The fans, who saw this as an incredibly BrokenAesop about justifying and even embracing abuse because "you can take it," reacted with utter outrage, and cite that "lesson" as the reason that "Seahorse Seashell Party" is considered [[DarthWiki/DethroningMomentOfSuck the absolute worst episode of the series.]]

* This is the extremely controversial ending of the infamous "Seahorse Seashell Party" episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy.'' The whole Griffin family is trapped indoors during a hurricane, and begin to, as always, gang up on eldest daughter Meg. Their treatment of Meg, who has been TheUnfavorite and ButtMonkey for ''years'', has long passed from gentle joking to full-on physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. Meg finally proceeds to tear them all down in a series of [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech blistering speeches]], explaining exactly why and how Chris, Lois, and Peter have mistreated her. They are stunned by her words and begin turning on each other. In the end, though, Meg realizes that the family is [[BigScrewedUpFamily so dysfunctional]] that they ''need'' a "lightning rod" to absorb all of their neuroses and problems, or the individual members will ultimately destroy themselves. She resigns herself to being that lightning rod, which Brian praises as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The fans, who saw this as an incredibly BrokenAesop about justifying and even embracing abuse because "you can take it," reacted with utter outrage; there's a reason that "Seahorse Seashell Party" is considered [[WorstEpisodeEver the absolute worst episode of the series.]]

* This is the extremely controversial ending of the infamous "Seahorse Seashell Party" episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy.'' The whole Griffin family is trapped indoors during a hurricane, and begin to, as always, gang up on eldest daughter Meg. Their treatment of Meg, who has been TheUnfavorite and ButtMonkey for ''years'', has long passed from gentle joking to full-on physical, psychological, and emotional abuse. Meg finally proceeds to tear them all down in a series of [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech blistering speeches]], explaining exactly why and how Chris, Lois, and Peter have mistreated her. They are stunned by her words and begin turning on each other. In the end, though, Meg realizes that the family is [[BigScrewedUpFamily so dysfunctional]] that they ''need'' a "lightning rod" to absorb all of their neuroses and problems, or the individual members will ultimately destroy themselves. She resigns herself to being that lightning rod, which Brian praises as a sign of maturity and responsibility. The fans, who saw this as an incredibly BrokenAesop about justifying and even embracing abuse because "you can take it," reacted with utter outrage; there's a reason that "Seahorse Seashell Party" is considered [[DethroningMomentOfSuck the absolute worst episode of the series.]]

* '''Ongoing Neglect:''' David and Emily are siblings. David is perfectly healthy, but Emily is an IllGirl. Their parents are constantly attending to Emily, bundling her up against the cold, making emergency hospital trips, taking time off work to look after her when she's ill, and generally worrying about her. In all the fuss, however, David is practically forgotten -- his mother and father expect him to look after himself, since he doesn't technically need as much care as Emily does. However, should he start misbehaving or, worse, voice resentment about Emily's monopoly of his parents' time, expect a massive guilt trip of the "you don't know how lucky you are" variety.

This trope sees more capable or better-natured characters getting the short end of the stick, because they are always expected to look after themselves (and, often, other people as well) while their parent/mentor/friend goes haring after their more vulnerable or stupid associates. If the target of Because You Can Cope ''can't'' cope in one particular instance (usually having to rescue themselves or be saved by a third party), others may claim it was because the victim was weak, not because they were let down.

There is a HeroicSacrifice version of this trope, where a character volunteers to take one for the team because they are better equipped to deal with a bad situation -- for example, TheBigGuy goads an enemy into attacking them in order to protect TheChick or the SquishyWizard. Tragically, he usually overestimates his own resilience. The trope can be PlayedForLaughs, but may end with DudeNotFunny. A game of MiseryPoker may be involved, especially between siblings. A FamilyUnfriendlyAesop usually results -- "if you ''can'' handle it, you ''should'' handle it, no matter how much it hurts you". Occasionally, the mentor/parent will use the "Because you can cope" excuse as an excuse to cover up more sinister motives -- or just their own thoughtlessness. Related to MiseryBuildsCharacter.

* In the ''Franchise/{{Batman}}'' comics, [[ComicBook/{{Nightwing}} Dick Grayson]] explained his reason for firing [[ComicBook/RobinSeries Tim Drake]] as ComicBook/{{Robin}} and giving the title to Damian Wayne as being because Damian needed it more and Tim was older. This permanently damaged his relationship with Tim due to the callous way it was carried out on the heels of all the other losses and betrayals Tim had recently suffered, and was compounded by Dick not believing Tim's (correct) claims that Bruce wasn't dead and trying to force Tim to remain at the manor and the fact that Damian had tried to murder Tim.

* ''Fanfic/ChildOfTheStorm'' has this happen once with Odin (regarding Harry being left at the Dursleys) and ongoing with Doctor Strange (who either puts Harry, the Avengers, and everyone around them through various twists and turns, or at least does little to mitigate matters beyond keeping them alive).
** In Odin's case, it was partly down to his perception of time (10 years equals about a month on his relative time-scale), partly due to the fact that while Harry was treated badly, his mistreatment could have been much worse, and that it genuinely wasn't safe to reveal the truth. Harry forgives him, but later notes that this is not by any means the same as forgetting.

* Chapter 16 of ''Secret Sunshine'' has Ryuuko alluding to this. Feeling hostile towards her sister, she tells Mako that, because, a pregnant Satsuki is rich and has more of a support system, she'll manage, while the former has to worry about Kiko.

* In ''Fanfic/{{Survivors}}'', [[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} Kara]] and [[Franchise/{{Superman}} Kal]] are sent to Earth in the same rocket. Upon landing, Kara discovers her uncle didn't load any food supplies for her. When she has the chance to talk to Jor-El's A.I. and demand an explanation, she is told her parents assured her uncle that she was resorceful enough to keep her cousin and herself alive while looking for food. Jor-El's A.I. points out they were obviously right, but Kara isn't impressed.

* In ''FanFic/LeaveForMendeleiev'', this is how Adrien justifies his refusal to help Marinette when he sees her being cornered by her long-time bully [[AlphaBitch Chloe]]. As he explains to Aurore, Marinette can handle whatever Chloe dishes out... but Chloe is so used to getting her way all the time that if she ''isn't'' allowed to do whatever she wants, she'll flip out -- and her tantrum will attract an akuma. Aurore is [[BrokenPedestal unimpressed]] by his reasoning, as well as his subsequent attempt to scold ''her'' for intervening -- and how he doesn't exactly acknowledge Marinette pointing out that she ''wasn't'' actually coping with Chloe's BreakingSpeech, since that would require him to [[NeverMyFault admit he might have misjudged the situation]].

** Would be a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome, if Francie wasn't immediately made to feel guilty about asserting herself and promptly apologise to her mother.

* Creator/JodiPicoult uses this trope for the KnightTemplar mothers in her stories. It's not clear if Picoult herself is agreeing with this, as she shows how destructive this kind of parenting is, since it not only ruins the mother and ill child's life, but destroys their family and everyone who gets too close.

** Anna of ''Literature/MySistersKeeper'' gets NoSympathy for all the painful operations she gets put through, because her mum is too busy making sure that her cancer-stricken big sister, Kate, is all right.

* The mentorship version shows up in the ''Literature/GauntsGhosts'' novel ''Straight Silver''. Two members of the newly-inducted Verghast portion of the regiment are vying for induction into the prestigious (and so far all-Tanith) Scout company: Muril and Jajjo. Scout-master Mkoll picks both of them to accompany him and his squad on an expedition into the backwoods, but chooses Jajjo to spend the whole time on point with him, practicing his scouting talents. When Muril calls him on it, he responds that Jajjo needed the extra coaching, but he'd seen her talents right from the start, and offers her a scout position on the spot. [[spoiler:Tragically, they are separated during a Chaos attack, and [[TokenEvilTeammate Lijah Cuu]], who's grown paranoid about people knowing that he killed Bragg, kills her during the confusion, before the promotion can go through.]]

[[folder:Live Action TV]]

* In the last episode of ''Series/StargateSG1'', [[http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/Unending "Unending"]], [[spoiler:after being trapped in a time freeze for 60 years, Teal'c stays to press the ResetButton, thus being the only one not to get those years back. He does this because he has a much longer lifespan than the rest, so the loss of six decades is less drastic for him. He is also the only one to retain the memories of what happened, which is shown to be much more difficult than the getting older.]]

* One episode of ''Series/{{Everwood}}'' has Andy treating a boy for various injuries. It turns out these are being caused by his severely autistic younger brother, which the older brother has been trying to keep secret from their mother. Andy gives their mother information on a special boarding school for disabled children, and is surprised when she instead sends her other son away so that he can be safe while she continues to care for her autistic son. Given that the older son seemed even more self-sacrificing than she was, the traditional angst of this trope would hopefully be avoided.

* A self-enforced Ongoing Neglect in one episode of ''Series/{{House}}'' with a girl whose brother was in a wheelchair. She didn't want to give her parents anything more to worry about, so for months she hid the fact that she had been feeling ill until her body hit its breaking point.
* This is the reasoning behind Kyra's severe MiddleChildSyndrome on ''Series/{{Reba}}''. She's trapped in between the teenage newlyweds Van and Cheyenne and younger brother Jake and Van and Cheyenne's infant daughter Elizabeth. Once, she had been saving for a field trip to England, but was unable to go because the money saved had to go to Cheyenne (she had dropped so many classes in college that if she didn't enroll in summer school, she'd lose Elizabeth's spot in the school's daycare center). At this point, she decides she's had enough of it and asks to live with her father. When all of this is brought up to Reba, she mentioned she has no choice; Jake and Elizabeth are so young they can't take care of themselves, and Van and Cheyenne are such screw-ups, they can't take care of themselves either. Reba flat-out says she does it because "she's the only other adult in the house" (she was about 14 at the time).

* The Sentinel role in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII'' is this trope invoked intentionally. The designated tank provokes the enemies to attack him so that the other characters can attack or heal; as a bonus, the Sentinel gets abilities that allow him to guard, guard ''and'' heal, guard and ''counterattack''... the ideal Sentinel not only can cope, but becomes much ''better'' at coping when in the role. The Sentinel also grants a bonus to everyone else's defense while active.

* On ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'', Francine is hurt when she discovers that her parents are leaving all their money to her sister. At first she assumes that it's because she was adopted, when really it's because her sister is a [[TheDitz ditzy]] (and unmarried) AsianAirhead whom they believe needs the money a lot more than Francine does.

* Anyone who really, really likes to read books knows how unfair it feels when kids who don't want to read books are given books at every occasion, and are rewarded for reading them ... and those who really like books get them as birthday presents and that's it. Rewards for reading a book? Forget it.
* Progressive tax works on this basis: People with greater income are to pay a greater share of it in tax, because they're less impacted by it; while at the poorest extreme, those who need to spend ''all'' of their money on basic life expenses aren't subject to income tax at all. But in practice, the richest can afford lawyers with perfect knowledge of tax loopholes, or rely on ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney.

* A romantic version appears in the ''Franchise/LyricalNanoha'' fanfic ''Fanfic/InTheService''. Several references are made to something having happened between Nanoha and Yuuno that makes Yuuno awkward around Nanoha, while Nanoha remains oblivious. It is later revealed by Nanoha herself, that she had long ignored Yuuno's attraction to her because Nanoha had chosen to take care of the emotionally-fragile Fate instead. Ultimately, Nanoha's willfull obliviousness had hurt Yuuno, but not as much as it could have hurt Fate.

* In ''FanFic/LeaveForMendeleiev'', this is how Adrien justifies his refusal to help Marinette when he sees her being cornered by her long-time bully [[AlphaBitch Chloe]]. As he explains to Aurore, Marinette can handle whatever Chloe dishes out... but Chloe is so used to getting her way all the time that if she ''isn't'' allowed to do whatever she wants, she'll flip out -- and her tantrum will attract an akuma. Aurore is [[BrokenPedestal unimpressed]] by his reasoning, as well as his subsequent attempt to scold her for intervening -- and doesn't exactly acknowledge Marinette pointing out that she ''wasn't'' actually coping with Chloe's BreakingSpeech, since that would require him to [[NeverMyFault admit he might have misjudged the situation]].

* Kuwabara notices in ''[[https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3350050/8/ Of Snowballs, Cell Phones and Homicide]]'' that Yusuke would never go to the kinds of insane lengths to defend him emotionally that he had done for Kurama thus far. Unknown to him, this is because Kuwabara’s the only person in Yusuke’s group that, in regards to their emotional well-being, has their shit together, and as far Yūsuke’s concerned, Kuwabara doesn’t need his help in that area (Yūsuke notes this situation would be reversed if Kuwabara or Kurama needed ''physical'' backup instead).

* In ''Anime/CodeGeass'', this is revealed to be the reason [[spoiler:Lelouch and Nunnally's]] parents justified abandoning them. [[spoiler:Lelouch tells them off because DaddyHadAGoodReasonForAbandoningYou doesn't hold weight when said daddy declares genocidal war on the specific country that they were stuck in.]]

* Meta example: The role of [[AnAdventurerIsYou a "Tank" in most RPG games]]. He's built to take damage, so the player just lets the enemies beat him up while focusing on protecting the SquishyWizard and GlassCannon characters.

* In ''Anime/CodeGeass'', this is revealed to be the reason [[spoiler:Lelouch and Nunnally's]] parents justified abandoning them.

How does the "Old Man" justify himself? "I abandoned you [[TitleDrop because I knew you could cope]]." Or "I had faith in your abilities." Or, more bluntly, "Your (insert relevant relation or friend here) needed me more."

This reaction can be perfectly justified. The mentor may have had to make a SadisticChoice, and chose the course of action most likely to get everyone out alive. It's also inevitable that a sick child is going to demand more attention than a healthy one. This does not make it any more pleasant for the character who was left out in the cold, but it prevents the audience from losing sympathy with the parent/mentor. Other situations are less defensible -- for example, Charlie has clearly been Bob's favourite all along, or Emily is not actually sick, just a SpoiledBrat who feigns illness to get attention. (Though the latter case still prevents the loss of audience sympathy if the neglecters were hoodwinked.)

* '''Ongoing Neglect:''' David and Emily are siblings. David is perfectly healthy, but Emily is an IllGirl. Their parents are constantly attending to Emily, bundling her up against the cold, making emergency hospital trips, taking time off work to look after her when she's ill, and generally worrying about her. In all the fuss, however, David is practically forgotten -- his mother and father expect him to look after himself, since he doesn't technically need as much care as Emily does. However, should he start misbehaving, or worse, voice resentment about Emily's monopoly of his parents' time, expect a massive guilt trip of the "you don't know how lucky you are" variety.

* In Literature/ShadowsOfSelf, the shapeshifter Melaan uses this trope to justify some of her god Harmony's shadier actions. [[spoiler: Specifically, sending the protagonist Wax to kill the rogue shapeshifter Bleeder without informing him that Bleeder was actually Lessie, the wife he thought was dead. Or that Bleeder had originally assumed the Lessie identity on Harmony's orders.]] She points out that as Harmony isn'tfully omniscient or omnipotent, sometimes shuffling trauma onto strong individuals is the kindest thing he can manage.

* [[ComicBook/{{Nightwing}} Dick]] explained his reason for firing [[ComicBook/RobinSeries Tim]] as ComicBook/{{Robin}} and giving the title to Damian as being because Damian needed it more and Tim was older. This permanently damaged his relationship with Tim due to the callous way it was carried out on the heels of all the other losses and betrayals Tim had recently suffered, and was compounded by Dick not believing Tim's (correct) claims that Bruce wasn't dead and trying to force Tim to remain at the manor and the fact that Damian had tried to murder Tim.

* A romantic version appears in the Franchise/LyricalNanoha fanfic ''In The Service''. Several references are made to something having happened between Nanoha and Yuuno that makes Yuuno awkward around Nanoha, while Nanoha remains oblivious. It is later revealed by Nanoha herself, that she had long ignored Yuuno's attraction to her because Nanoha had chosen to take care of the emotionally-fragile Fate instead. Ultimately, Nanoha's willfull obliviousness had hurt Yuuno, but not as much as it could have hurt Fate.

-->'''Root:''' Don’t you see? You wouldn’t be crippled by the loss, the grief. You are so strong, Sam. Unlike me, you could go on.
-->'''Shaw:''' Just because I can doesn’t mean I’d want to.

* The Ongoing Neglect version of this trope happens to Chen during [[Fanfic/Gensokyo20XX Gensokyo 20XXIV]], as Satori notes, which is due to Ran's mental state at the time and that Reimu, Maribel, Yume Ni, and Renko being too young to take care of themselves.

* In ''Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle'', Malcolm spends an episode teaching Reese the value of hard work and studying and helps him write a passing paper for a class. When the paper gets an "F", the boys, who do not see how they can get Reese to perform any better, cheat and have Malcolm take one of Reese's tests for him. This one gets an "F" as well, and this is when they realize that [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight Reese's teacher really is out to get him and is deliberately failing him]]. When Lois threatens to use this information to force the teacher to pass Reese, he points out this will get Malcolm in trouble. Lois justifies her plan using this very trope, to Malcolm's own shock:

* Chapter 16 of ''Secret Sunshine'' has Ryuuko alluding to this. Feeling hostile towards her sister, she tells Mako that, because, a Satsuki is rich and has more of a support system, she'll manage, while the former has to worry about Kiko.

* Kate Cann's ''Leaving Poppy'' uses the "sibling who fakes illness" plot -- the titular Poppy controls her mother and sister's lives through tantrums and passive-aggression. Her mother claims that Poppy is "fragile" and guilt trips her other daughter, Amber, into bowing to her younger sister's demands. For example, when Amber is due to go on holiday, Poppy throws a fit, and their mother pleads with Amber to cancel, claiming that she'll have plenty of other opportunities to go on holiday while Poppy will not -- and that while cancelling her holiday will be tough on Amber, Poppy (and their mother) will be even worse off if she doesn't, so Amber should be the one to make the sacrifice.

* Chapter 16 of ''Secret Sunshine'' has Ryuuko alluding to this. Feeling hostile towards her sister, she tells Mako that, because, a Satsuki is rich and has more of a support system, she'll manage, while the former has to worry about Kiko.

** Would be a CrowningMomentOfAwesome, if Francie wasn't immediately made to feel guilty about asserting herself and promptly apologise to her mother.