History Main / BecauseYouCanCope

* In ''Manga/RanmaOneHalf'' when Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki are all standing on the Tendo house's balcony when it collapsed, Ranma made a point to grab Nabiki to keep her from being hurt by the fall because he knew that Akane could handle it easily. Despite knowing this, Akane still got mad and declared her engagement to Ranma was now transferred to Nabiki.

* Millie from ''Literature/WarriorCats'' did this to two of her children when the third broke her back. This was one of the deciding factors [[spoiler:in bringing Blossomfall to the Dark Forest]].

A character is abandoned, neglected, or thrown to the wolves by someone they love and trust, because the said person that they love and trust decided to look after someone else. There are two main variations of this trope:

* Creator/JodiPicoult uses this trope for the KnightTemplar mothers in her stories. Amelia of ''Literature/HandleWithCare'' gets lectured about all the things she can do that her fragile little sister, Willow, can't do whenever the girl complains about the restrictions placed on her and the neglect she suffers; Anna of ''MySistersKeeper'' gets NoSympathy for all the painful operations she gets put through, because her mum is too busy making sure that her cancer-stricken big sister, Kate, is all right, and Theo of ''House Rules'' is expected to put up with his brother Jacob's abuse, and held to higher standards than his sibling, because Theo is capable of normal social interaction and autistic Jacob is not. It's not clear if Picoult herself is agreeing with this, as she shows how destructive this kind of parenting is, since it not only ruins the mother and ill child's life, but destroys their family and everyone who gets too close.

A character is abandoned, neglected or thrown to the wolves by someone they love and trust, because the said person that they love and trust decided to look after someone else. There are two main variations of this trope:

* '''Abandonment''' at a critical point: Alice is in the middle of a battle alongside her mentor, Bob, and Bob's other apprentice, Charlie. Usually, Alice is the more powerful or competent of the apprentices -- she gets into much less trouble than Charlie. However, on this single occasion, Alice is unlucky. Not to worry though -- Bob will rescue her! After all, he's always bailing Charlie out of trouble, isn't he? He'd never fail his apprentice! Except...as Alice screams for help, she catches sight of Bob and Charlie -- and they're fleeing the battlefield. If Charlie is in any way sympathetic, he will protest leaving Alice to her fate, only for Bob to tell him "Leave her!" Alice blacks out, bewildered and betrayed. If she has been struggling before, the sight of her friends turning their backs on her [[EtTuBrute will break her spirit]] and she may [[HeroicBSOD give up]].
* '''Ongoing Neglect:''' David and Emily are siblings. David is perfectly healthy, but Emily is an IllGirl. Their parents are constantly attending to Emily, bundling her up against the cold, making emergency hospital trips, taking time off work to look after her when she's ill and generally worrying about her. In all the fuss, however, David is practically forgotten -- his mother and father expect him to look after himself, since he doesn't technically need as much care as Emily does. However, should he start misbehaving, or worse, voice resentment about Emily's monopoly of his parents' time, expect a massive guilt trip of the "you don't know how lucky you are" variety.

Somehow, Alice escapes her captors and David manages to survive childhood. Unsurprisingly, however, they are less than happy with the person who failed them. If they are TheStoic or TheWoobie, they probably won't make a fuss -- the Stoic because (s)he sees complaining as a sign of weakness, the Woobie because...well, it's part of that "suffering beautifully" thing. However, other characters may opt for CallingTheOldManOut.

This reaction can be perfectly justified. The mentor may have had to make a SadisticChoice, and chose the course of action most likely to get everyone out alive. It's also inevitable that a sick child is going to demand more attention than a healthy one. This does not make it any more pleasant for the character who was left out in the cold, but it prevents the audience from losing sympathy with the parent/mentor. Other situations are less defensible -- for example, Charlie has clearly been Bob's favourite all along, or Emily is not actually sick, just a SpoiledBrat who feigns illness to get attention.

* In ''Literature/FromTheNewWorld'', part of why [[EveryoneIsBisexual Maria]] [[LoveTriangle chooses]] [[ShrinkingViolet Mamoru]] over her best friend [[PluckyGirl Saki]] is because [[spoiler: Mamoru has to run away from their [[TownWithADarkSecret village]] and Maria thinks he'll need her help more than Saki does.]]
* Twisted version in ''{{Manga/Gravitation}}'': Shuichi demands that Yuki stay in the relationship for ''him'', since, although Yuki is coughing blood due to stress (allegedly due to Shuichi's presence in his life), it won't kill him -- but Shuichi claims he will die without Yuki. Could be WhatTheHellHero moment for Shuichi, but Yuki's own JerkAss tendencies and the fact that his illness isn't actually Shuichi's fault are mitigating factors.
* In ''Manga/RanmaOneHalf'' when Ranma, Akane and Nabiki are all standing on the Tendo house's balcony when it collapsed, Ranma made a point to grab Nabiki to keep her from being hurt by the fall because he knew that Akane could handle it easily. Despite knowing this, Akane still got mad and declared her engagement to Ranma was now transferred to Nabiki.

* In Franchise/MassEffect's ''[[Fanfic/CrucibleMassEffect Crucible]]'''s companion fic, ''Inteference'', this trope is the general attitude of [[BadFuture Alt.Garrus's]] to his and Shepard son [[HalfHumanHybrid Gaius]]'s distress over his father's constant absence and breaking promises. It's not out of malice but because of Garrus's bad habit of simply assuming what people thought without much investigation and his [[ChildrenAreInnocent misguided wish of preserving Gaius's innocence]]. It comes back to bite his ass when he realizes Gaius's no longer trust him and even thinks himself as unloved.
* A romantic version appears in the Franchise/LyricalNanoha fanfic ''In The Service''. Several references are made to something having happened between Nanoha and Yuuno that makes Yuuno awkward around Nanoha, while Nanoha remains oblivious. It is later revealed by Nanoha herself, that she had long ignored Yuuno's attraction to her because Nanoha had chosen to take care of the emotionally-fragile Fate instead. Ultimately Nanoha's willfull obliviousness had hurt Yuuno, but not as much as it could have hurt Fate.

* The fact that Shaw, a sociopath, would be better able to cope with Root's death than Root would be able to cope with Shaw's is one of the arguments Root uses in ''Fanfic/HoliDaze'' to justify [[spoiler: throwing herself in the path of a car to save Shaw]]. Shaw isn't having it.
-->'''Root:''' Don’t you see? You wouldn’t be crippled by the loss, the grief. You are so strong, Sam. Unlike me you could go on.

* Batman does this to ''himself'' in the ending of ''Film/TheDarkKnight'', after Harvey Dent goes nuts and becomes Two-Face, kills five cops and mobsters and dies. If the truth about Harvey Dent ever comes to light, any legitimacy his indictments have also dies, and there's no chance that the charges against the criminals of Gotham city will stick. Batman takes the metaphorical bullet, and pretty much orders Commissioner Gordon to lay the blame for the killings at his feet.

* In ''Literature/DragonBones'', Ward is the PromotedToParent big brother of his siblings. When he takes his brother Tosten on a journey, Tosten quickly becomes jealous of Oreg, a travel companion, and allegedly distant cousin, about whom Ward acts even more protective than about Tosten. However, when he finds out that Oreg is magically enslaved to Ward, and TheWoobie, he pities Oreg, and calls Ward out for not having watched out for him ''more''. It helps that Ward doesn't really neglect anyone - he's always there when needed, and never invokes this trope to excuse his actions.
* Creator/JodiPicoult uses this trope for the KnightTemplar mothers in her stories. Amelia of ''Literature/HandleWithCare'', gets lectured about all the things she can do that her fragile little sister, Willow, can't do whenever the girl complains about the restrictions placed on her and neglect she suffers. Anna of ''MySistersKeeper'' gets NoSympathy for all the painful operations she gets put through, because her mum is too busy making sure that her cancer-stricken big sister, Kate, is all right, and Theo of ''House Rules'' is expected to put up with Jacob's abuse, and held to higher standards than his sibling, because Theo is capable of normal social interaction and autistic Jacob is not. It's not clear if Picoult herself is agreeing with this as she shows how destructive this kind of parenting is, since it not only ruins the mother and ill child's life but destroys their family and everyone who gets too close.

* In the Literature/RizzoliAndIsles book series, the titular character's mother has spent years blatantly favoring her son Frankie while ignoring her daughter Jane. Her CharacterDevelopment turns this into her mother always knowing that Jane was the strong and capable one who didn't need her mother's constant attention while Frank was the weakling who need coddling. A later book takes this even further--when her husband leaves her for another woman and her son takes ''his'' side, she finally realizes the error she made with her bias.
* The mentorship version shows up in the ''Literature/GauntsGhosts'' novel ''Straight Silver''. Two members of the newly-inducted Verghast portion of the regiment are vying for induction into the prestigious (and so far all-Tanith) Scout company: Muril and Jajjo. Scout-master Mkoll picks both of them to accompany him and his squad on an expedition into the backwoods, but chooses Jajjo to spend the whole time on point with him, practicing his scouting talents. When Muril calls him on it, he responds that Jajjo needed the extra coaching, but he'd seen her talents right from the start, and offers her a scout position on the spot. [[spoiler:Tragically, they are separated during a Chaos attack, and [[TokenEvilTeammate Lijah Cuu]], who's grown paranoid about people knowing that he killed Bragg, kills her during the confusion, before the promotion can go through]].
* Millie from ''Literature/WarriorCats'' did this to two of her children when the third broke her back. One of the deciding factors [[spoiler:in bringing Blossomfall to the Dark Forest]].

* In ''Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle'', Malcolm spends an episode teaching Reese the value of hard work and studying and helps him write a passing paper for a class. When the paper gets an "F" the boys, who do not see how they can get Reese to perform any better, cheat and have Malcolm take one of Reese's tests for him. This one gets an "F" as well and this is when they realize that [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight Reese's teacher really is out to get him and is deliberately failing him]]. When Lois threatens to use this information to force the teacher to pass Reese, he points out this will get Malcolm in trouble. Lois justifies her plan using this very trope, to Malcolm's own shock:

* In the last episode of ''Series/StargateSG1'', [[http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/Unending "Unending"]], [[spoiler:after being trapped in a time freeze for 60 years, Teal'c stays to press the ResetButton, thus being the only one not to get those years back. He does this because he has a much longer lifespan than the rest, so the loss of six decades is less drastic for him. He is also the only one to retain the memories of what happened, which is shown to be much more difficult than the getting older]].

** Also, Wash is their AcePilot, the only one with the skills to get them back inside the space station to rescue Mal (which he does by pulling off an insanely awesome maneuver that get them past the defenses). Picking him was the only way ''both'' of the men in Zoe's life could be saved.

* One episode of ''Series/FamilyMatters'' has Laura go out on a pity date with Village Idiot Waldo Faldo, in favor of going on one with Urkel. When Steve confronts her about this, she basically outlines this trope: Steve's been rejected by her so much that he's used to it, but Waldo wouldn't be able to take it. Steve doesn't take ''this'' news very well, however.
* Multiple times to Buffy in ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'', but most notably and gratuitously when Giles departs for England in season 6. Giles outright says that she needs to learn to cope on her own, rather than leaning on him. This leaves her (1) parenting her 15-year-old sister alone as their mother died recently and their father hasn't bothered to get in touch, (2) trying to find a job that will support both of them as a 20-year-old college dropout, (3) severely depressed bordering on suicidal after having being ripped out of heaven (by her two best friends and their partners -- and Willow's version of helping her deal with it takes the form of gratuitous memory wipes, which itself constitutes a major betrayal), and (4) dealing with the constant battle which is life on the Hellmouth. Any one or two of these she'd cope with, all of them together? Just barely and it was a lot worse for her than it needed to be.

* This is the reasoning behind Kyra's severe MiddleChildSyndrome on ''Series/{{Reba}}''. She's trapped in between the teenage newlyweds Van and Cheyenne and younger brother Jake and Van and Cheyenne's infant daughter Elizabeth. Once, she had been saving for a field trip to England, but was unable to go because the money saved had to go to Cheyenne (she had dropped so many classes in college, if she didn't enroll in summer school, she's lose Elizabeth's spot in the school's daycare center). At this point, she decides she's had enough of it and asks to live with her father. When all of this is brought up to Reba, she mentioned she has no choice; Jake and Elizabeth are so young they can't take care of themselves, and Van and Cheyenne are such screw-ups, they can't take care of themselves either. Reba flat-out says she does it because "she's the only other adult in the house" (she was about 14 at the time).

* In ''VideoGame/DragonAgeOrigins'', the HeroicSacrifice variation appears in Leliana's Song.[[spoiler: Tug pulls a "Because I can cope", getting himself tortured rather than Sketch. Tragically, he overestimates his own toughness.]]

* The Sentinel role in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII'' is this trope invoked intentionally. The designated tank provokes the enemies to attack him so that the other characters can attack or heal; as a bonus, the Sentinel gets abilities that allow him to guard, guard ''and'' heal, guard and ''counterattack''...the ideal Sentinel not only can cope, but becomes much ''better'' at coping when in the role. The Sentinel also grants a bonus to everyone else's defense while active.

* Marche in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyTacticsAdvance'' is a great example of Ongoing Neglect: His younger brother, Doned, has an unnamed illness that requires he go to the hospital occasionally, and he is confined to a wheelchair. This becomes a plot point later in the game, as[[spoiler: Doned is revealed to have gained the ability to walk in Ivalice, and is a streetear who gives out information about Marche's location, so bounty hunters can attempt to collect the reward on Marche's head. Marche and Doned eventually have a heart-to-heart, where Marche convinces his brother that he was not left behind, and Doned accepts that Marche is given the shaft when it comes to parental care.]]
* In VideoGame/MassEffect2, if you don't have enough Paragon/Renegade points to use Charm or Intimidate to resolve Miranda and Jack's argument, you will have to choose to support one of them and later pass another Charm or Intimidate check if you want to regain the loyalty of the other. If you chose to support Jack, both your options to regain Miranda's loyalty consist of telling her that she's more reasonable than Jack. A similar principle comes into play with the Renegade option to restore [[spoiler:Legion's]] loyalty. The same applies in DummiedOut dialogue for a Grunt vs. Mordin argument, except for the Renegade means of regaining Mordin's loyalty.

** If one reads between the lines, this may be why Helen's mother showers Rita with money and gifts--she's never held down a job for long and has an unstable love life, while Helen and their other sister, Amy, are both financially successful. It's clear that Helen, at least, gets lots of praise from Mom, so it's not a clear-cut case of ParentalFavoritism. (Rita even seems to think that ''she's'' the favorite.)

* On ''WesternAnimation/TheClevelandShow,'' Robert neglects his own son, Rollo, to spend time with Junior and help him become cool. At the end of the episode he justifies this by noting that, being his son, Rollo is born cool, while Junior needs a ''lot'' of help.

* Can happen with real siblings, though more commonly in less vicious version. For example, if one kid is worse at school, they'll get rewarded for accomplishing what the other sibling accomplishes all the time.

* Sadly, this mindset can and does hide instances of child abuse, at the hands of a relative or close friend. If one ''can'' cope, then one ''should'', so there's no need to make a fuss about those bruises or that stream of insults and profanity; bruises happen all the time!--and you know what they say about "sticks and stones..." Because peer pressure etc., can make it so hard to step outside this attitude, a common result would be for a child to be traumatized well past any sane human tolerances without considering their situation to be unjust in any manner.

* It's a common tactic in some after abuse care shelters.

* Anyone who really, really likes to read books knows how unfair it feels when kids who don't want to read books are given books at every occasion, and are rewarded for reading them ... and those who really like books get them as birthday present and that's it. Rewards for reading a book? Forget it.

* ''Anime/MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha'' has a relatively benign example of ParentalNeglect in Nanoha's backstory -- she spent much of her childhood alone despite having a legitimately loving family because her father nearly died when she was young, and his recovery was a painful process that took ''years''. Her mother and older brother had to work in the family cafe to keep the family from going broke, and her older sister spent most of her time taking care of their father, which left Nanoha to see to herself more often than not. Nanoha understands the necessity and knows that her family really does love her, but combined with the fact that Nanoha is nearly ten years younger than her older siblings, it leaves her feeling like something of a third wheel in her own family even after her father is recovered and back on his feet.

* In ''Literature/FromTheNewWorld, part of why [[EveryoneIsBisexual Maria]] [[LoveTriangle chooses]] [[ShrinkingViolet Mamoru]] over her best friend [[PluckyGirl Saki]] is because [[spoiler: Mamoru has to run away from their [[TownWithADarkSecret village]] and Maria thinks he'll need her help more than Saki does.]]

* It's a common tactic in some after abuse care shelters. Sometimes its about teaching a person to care for themselves.

* Progressive tax works on this basis: People with greater income are to pay a greater share of it in tax, because they're less impacted by it; while at the poorest extreme, those who need to spend ''all'' of their money on basic life expenses aren't subject to income tax at all. [[spoiler:But in practice, the richest can afford lawyers with perfect knowledge of tax loopholes, or rely on ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney.]]

-->'''Nanoha:''' I made a choice, a long time ago, to save a life. Yuuno was a mature, capable person who could clearly deal with anything life might throw at him. Fate was a timid wreck who shivered when touched and bore incredible guilt over the death of her actual mother Precia and her emotional mother Linith. Someone who could easily be destroyed by a careless crush or an errant friend. I took responsibility. I saved a life. But that did a disservice to Yuuno. I love Fate dearly and do not regret my choice, but I am still aware that it was a choice and that I could have been happy with either of them. Yuuno suffered for this choice, not as badly as Fate might have, but he did. I am not inclined to allow him to suffer further in this manner.\\

* The mentorship version shows up in the ''GauntsGhosts'' novel ''Straight Silver''. Two members of the newly-inducted Verghast portion of the regiment are vying for induction into the prestigious (and so far all-Tanith) Scout company: Muril and Jajjo. Scout-master Mkoll picks both of them to accompany him and his squad on an expedition into the backwoods, but chooses Jajjo to spend the whole time on point with him, practicing his scouting talents. When Muril calls him on it, he responds that Jajjo needed the extra coaching, but he'd seen her talents right from the start, and offers her a scout position on the spot. [[spoiler:Tragically, they are separated during a Chaos attack, and [[TokenEvilTeammate Lijah Cuu]], who's grown paranoid about people knowing that he killed Bragg, kills her during the confusion, before the promotion can go through]].

* Marche in ''FinalFantasyTacticsAdvance'' is a great example of Ongoing Neglect: His younger brother, Doned, has an unnamed illness that requires he go to the hospital occasionally, and he is confined to a wheelchair. This becomes a plot point later in the game, as[[spoiler: Doned is revealed to have gained the ability to walk in Ivalice, and is a streetear who gives out information about Marche's location, so bounty hunters can attempt to collect the reward on Marche's head. Marche and Doned eventually have a heart-to-heart, where Marche convinces his brother that he was not left behind, and Doned accepts that Marche is given the shaft when it comes to parental care.]]

* Batman does this to ''himself'' in the ending of ''Film/TheDarkKnight'', after Harvey Dent goes nuts, kills five cops and mobsters and dies. If the truth about Harvey Dent ever comes to light, any legitimacy his indictments have also dies, and there's no chance that the charges against the criminals of Gotham city will stick. Batman takes the metaphorical bullet, and pretty much orders Commissioner Gordon to lay the blame for the killings at his feet.

* Katie, the mother in ''ATreeGrowsInBrooklyn'', pays for her son Neely's education and not her academic daughter Francie's. She justifies this by saying that Francie will fight to achieve her dreams, whereas Neely won't. Francie doesn't buy it, and it cements Neely's position as his mother's favourite (which she made no secret of earlier in the book). Francie sums it up:

* In the RizzoliAndIsles book series, the titular character's mother has spent years blatantly favoring her son Frankie while ignoring her daughter Jane. Her CharacterDevelopment turns this into her mother always knowing that Jane was the strong and capable one who didn't need her mother's constant attention while Frank was the weakling who need coddling. A later book takes this even further--when her husband leaves her for another woman and her son takes ''his'' side, she finally realizes the error she made with her bias.

* In ''RanmaOneHalf'' when Ranma, Akane and Nabiki are all standing on the Tendo house's balcony when it collapsed, Ranma made a point to grab Nabiki to keep her from being hurt by the fall because he knew that Akane could handle it easily. Despite knowing this, Akane still got mad and declared her engagement to Ranma was now transferred to Nabiki.

* On ''TheClevelandShow,'' Robert neglects his own son, Rollo, to spend time with Junior and help him become cool. At the end of the episode he justifies this by noting that, being his son, Rollo is born cool, while Junior needs a ''lot'' of help.

** And then Marche [[spoiler:cripples Doned again by destroying Ivalice, thus returning things to ''exactly'' as they were before, although the characters affected by this accepted it. In Doned's case, he learns that he can still do many fun things with friends that doesn't require him to walk or run]]. FFTA's plot is repeatedly a source of InternetBackdraft.

* JodiPicoult uses this trope for the KnightTemplar mothers in her stories. Amelia of ''Literature/HandleWithCare'', gets lectured about all the things she can do that her fragile little sister, Willow, can't do whenever the girl complains about the restrictions placed on her and neglect she suffers. Anna of ''MySistersKeeper'' gets NoSympathy for all the painful operations she gets put through, because her mum is too busy making sure that her cancer-stricken big sister, Kate, is all right, and Theo of ''House Rules'' is expected to put up with Jacob's abuse, and held to higher standards than his sibling, because Theo is capable of normal social interaction and autistic Jacob is not. It's not clear if Picoult herself is agreeing with this as she shows how destructive this kind of parenting is, since it not only ruins the mother and ill child's life but destroys their family and everyone who gets too close.

* JodiPicoult uses this trope for the KnightTemplar mothers in her stories. Amelia of ''HandleWithCare'', gets lectured about all the things she can do that her fragile little sister, Willow, can't do whenever the girl complains about the restrictions placed on her and neglect she suffers. Anna of ''MySistersKeeper'' gets NoSympathy for all the painful operations she gets put through, because her mum is too busy making sure that her cancer-stricken big sister, Kate, is all right, and Theo of ''House Rules'' is expected to put up with Jacob's abuse, and held to higher standards than his sibling, because Theo is capable of normal social interaction and autistic Jacob is not. It's not clear if Picoult herself is agreeing with this as she shows how destructive this kind of parenting is, since it not only ruins the mother and ill child's life but destroys their family and everyone who gets too close.

* Twisted version in ''{{Gravitation}}'': Shuichi demands that Yuki stay in the relationship for ''him'', since, although Yuki is coughing blood due to stress (allegedly due to Shuichi's presence in his life), it won't kill him -- but Shuichi claims he will die without Yuki. Could be WhatTheHellHero moment for Shuichi, but Yuki's own JerkAss tendencies and the fact that his illness isn't actually Shuichi's fault are mitigating factors.

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