History Literature / TheEyeOfArgon

* GroinAttack

-->'''Agaphim''': The prince would surely have submitted them to the most ghastly of tortures--

* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: Examples include "the stygian cloud of charcoal ebony." [[hottip:*:Which amounts to "the dark cloud of black black."]]

* PurpleProse[[hottip:*:nay, ''ultraviolet'']], SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, and DelusionsOfEloquence: At least the ''title'' is concise and looks like a normal title[[note]] apart from the name of a fairly well-known gas[[/note]]. The very first sentence is where things get fun.

* PurpleProse, SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, and DelusionsOfEloquence: At least the ''title'' is concise and looks like a normal title[[note]] apart from the name of a fairly well-known gas[[/note]]. The very first sentence is where things get fun.

* {{Stripperiffic}}: Both male and female examples exist: Grignr wears a g-string (with folds), while Carthena wears [[DiamondsInTheBuff beads.]]

* SickSadWorld

* TheUnpronounceableL ''You'' try pronouncing "Grignr", "Agafnd" or "Mrifk". This gets particularly amusing when already consonant-heavy words lose their few vowels through typos - the aforementioned Agafnd becomes "Agfnd" at one point. One gets the impression that the author has an irrational dislike of vowels.

* ZeroPercentApprovalRating - Agaphim only stays in power because he has such a [[TheHorde vast army]].
* {{Angrish}} - Prince Agaphim starts to spout "Muffled, syllibant gibberish" when Grignir calls him a fat idiot.
* AntiClimax - After pages of over-the-top fight scenes, Grignr's final enemy is a mystical leech that sucks [[OverdrawnAtTheBloodBank an absurd amount of blood]] from his leg only to die when burned with a torch.
* AuthorAppeal - Almost every chapter contains at least a mention of breasts. A character even ''speaks'' "bustily".
* AuthorVocabularyCalendar - Unfortunately, [[{{Malaproper}} few, if any words are used correctly]].
* BarbarianHero - Grignr, a very obvious CaptainErsatz of ConanTheBarbarian.
* BattleCry - Grignr's is "hoarsely piercing." Usually includes the phrase "by the surly beard of Mrifk!"
* BeautyEqualsGoodness - The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive. Grignr is a male SheCleansUpNicely.
* {{BFS}} - Inverted. Most of the swords described are "a foot of blinding steel", which is actually really short (dagger-like, in fact; a good sword is at least three feet).
* BoobyTrap - Grignr narrowly escapes one.
* TheCaligula - Agaphim

* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment - Examples include "the stygian cloud of charcoal ebony." [[hottip:*:Which amounts to "the dark cloud of black black."]]
* DeusExMachina - One priest randomly faints of an epileptic fit for no apparent reason.

* {{Fainting}} - one of the shamen [sic] faints for no reason, Carthena passes out quite a few times, but Grignr--despite losing a bathtub's-worth of blood and not eating for days on end--never faints.
* FatBastard - Agaphim.
* FateWorseThanDeath - Agafnd persuades Agaphim that sentencing Grignr to a life of slave labor would be more of a punishment than being tortured to death.

* FieryRedhead - Grignr.
* {{Gorn}} - Grignr takes a quarter of a chapter to rip a rat in half, and no grody detail is spared.

* HeroesWantRedheads - Grignr falls for Carthena.
* HookerWithAHeartOfGold - Carthena turns out to be the prostitute who serviced Grignr at the start of the story.
* HumanSacrifice - Grignr rescues Carthena from this fate.
* IHaveYouNowMyPretty - Carthena in the hands of the head shaman.

* ImprovisedWeapon - Grignr stabs a guard with the sharpened pelvic bone of a rat.

* MoralDissonance - Grignr and Carthena both exhibit this in spades.

* NobleSavage - Gringr claims to be one, although by this point in the story he's gone out of his way to steal a petty bauble.

* NoEnding - The most widely-circulated copy of the story ends abruptly during Grignr's final battle. Some people continue to believe that this is how the original version actually ended.
* ProducePelting - Agaphim is "often assaulted by hurtling stones and rotting fruits" when he leaves his palace.
* PurpleProse, SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, and DelusionsOfEloquence - At least the ''title'' is concise and looks like a normal title[[note]] apart from the name of a fairly well-known gas[[/note]]. The very first sentence is where things get fun.
* RedheadedHero - Grignr.
* ReligionOfEvil - The worshippers of Argon.

* RougeAnglesOfSatin - The original version had some atrocious spelling, although less faithful transcriptions sometimes correct these.
* SaidBookism - So very, very, very much.

* SignificantGreenEyedRedhead - Grignr.
* TheStoner - The illustration on Page 32 of the facsimile (presumably of Agaphim the evil prince) shows him smoking something that looks like a joint.

* ThongOfShielding - Grignr wears a G-string. How it manages to have folds is anyone's guess.
* ThudAndBlunder - An example of the depths that this subgenre can sink to.
* TitleDrop - at the end of chapter 3½.
* UnexplainedRecovery - Counselor Agafnd dies ''twice''.
* TheUnpronounceable - ''You'' try pronouncing "Grignr", "Agafnd" or "Mrifk". This gets particularly amusing when already consonant-heavy words lose their few vowels through typos - the aforementioned Agafnd becomes "Agfnd" at one point. One gets the impression that the author has an irrational dislike of vowels.
* UnusualChapterNumbers - There are a two fractional chapters: Chapters 3½ and 7½.
* UnusualEuphemism - "Mrifk". In addition, while "slut" is a real word, using it as an insult against men is [[CurseOfTheAncients somewhat antiquated]].
* VampiricDraining - The blob at the end sucks blood like a leech.
* VomitIndiscretionShot -

* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe - "sayeth the king" would be correct, except that it's the wrong tense. Carthena starts out talking this way, and Grignr does too shortly thereafter, when up till that point he only talked in vulgarities.
* YouKeepUsingThatWord - Many instances: Gringr is constantly described as wearing a g-string, with ''folds''; one character speaks "bustily", another's nose is both "lithe" and "opaque".
* YouTalkTooMuch - Grignr doesn't say this to Carthena, but he thinks it--even though she doesn't seem to be any more talkative than he is.

* FateWorseThanDeath - The straight lines from the original story are not left un-riffed. It happens so frequently it's lampshaded.

* HeroicBSOD - The abrupt, non-existent ending leaves Crow utterly broken, and the others are forced to leave him behind in the theater. [[http://keithpalmer.ca/mst3k/favourites/book-ads.txt Fortunately]], he recovers.
* MagicTheGathering - "Tor Giant?"
* {{MST}} - [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html One of the classics]], written by Creator/AdamCadre in 1996.

* RunningGag -

* TarotTroubles - Tom Servo is reading Crow's future with a pack of Tarot cards he found somewhere. Poor Crow gets [[RasputinianDeath nine Deaths]] and a [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=2656 Tor Giant]].

* BeautyEqualsGoodness - The prince and shamen [sic] are always described as fat and disgusting, while Grignr and Carthena are usually portrayed as attractive.
** Grignr is a male SheCleansUpNicely.

* MundaneMadeAwesome - The following describes Grignr's wine being kicked over:

* PurpleProse, SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, and DelusionsOfEloquence - At least the ''title'' is concise and looks like a normal title. The very first sentence is where things get fun.
** ...Apart from the use of the name of a fairly well-known gas.

* TheUnpronounceable - ''You'' try pronouncing "Grignr", "Agafnd" or "Mrifk".
** This gets particularly amusing when already consonant-heavy words lose their few vowels through typos - the aforementioned Agafnd becomes "Agfnd" at one point. One gets the impression that the author has an irrational dislike of vowels.

* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe - "sayeth the king" would be correct, except that it's the wrong tense.
** Carthena starts out talking this way, and Grignr does too shortly thereafter, when up till that point he only talked in vulgarities.

*** And, also:

** This message brought to you by the Booze Council.
*** Later replaced by the Death Council.

*** There are also repeated references to Clarence Thomas.

** After the titualar "scarlet emerald" is introduced, mention of something's red color often leads to a remark that it "looks just like an emerald".

* FateWorseThanDeath - The straight lines from the original story iare not left un-riffed. It happens so frequently it's lampshaded.

* {{MST}} - [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html One of the classics]], written by AdamCadre in 1996.

->''Grignr slipped his right hand to his thigh, concealing a small opaque object beneath the folds of the g-string wrapped about his waist. Brine wells swelled in Grignr's cold, jade squinting eyes, which grown accustomed to the gloom of the stygian pools of ebony engulfing him, were bedazzled and blinded by flickerering radiance cast forth by the second soldiers's resin torch.''

!!AdamCadre's ''Mystery Science Theater 3000'' fan-{{MSTing}} presentation has examples of:

* GreeneyedRedhead - Grignr.

* NoSuchThingAsBadPublicity: Theis should have sold this...he'd be a rich man.

As reading it raw may cause brain damage, you can settle for [[http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html the MST'd version]], or this [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikM_Lh8Q0xo Dramatic Reading of Chapter One on You Tube]]. For those whom are unable to read it sober, we have the DrinkingGame over [[DrinkingGame/EyeOfArgon here]].

* FateWorseThanDeath - The straight lines from the original story is not left un-riffed. It happens so frequently it's lampshaded.

* HookerWithAHeartOfGold - Carthena turns out to be the prostitute who serviced at the start of the story.

The most widely-known and -circulated copy of the story comes to an abrupt and unsatisfactory halt, and for many years it was believed that the ending was lost forever (or even, in some quarters, that the story was never completed). Recent years have seen the separate discoveries of two intact copies of the fanzine in which ''The Eye of Argon'' debuted, so it is now known how the tale ends. (With multiple exclamation marks, it turns out.)

* DidNotDoTheResearch - Too many to count. Among them, a reference to the testicles as a ''urinary gland'', and "segregation" to mean "dismemberment"

* AccidentallyAccurate - There is in fact such a thing as [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_beryl scarlet emerald]]. It's not known if the author knew this, however.

* WhatDoYouMeanItsNotAwesome - The following describes Grignr's wine being kicked over:
--> "''A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor.''"
** He also spends about six long sentences describing a guy falling over after being [[GroinAttack kicked in the crotch]].