History JustForFun / TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVowsCellblockG

# I will find the BonusBoss, and do anything in my power to get it on my side. Even if the hero manages to defeat it, he'll be so weak afterward that I can kill him without any trouble.

# I will execute any vampires that are capable of [[{{Literature/Twilight}} sparkling]] on the spot, period. After all, EvenEvilHasStandards.

# I will not censor the Internet. Nothing pisses off kids more than not being able access {{Wiki/Wikipedia}} and Website/YouTube.

# Very often, the ChosenOne has mentors who are... let's be charitable and call them dicks. They'll use their OmniscientMoralityLicense to put the hero through hell, force them to make hard choices whether to defend the world or their families, and generally not be very truthful when it comes down with it. Should my spies report this is the case, I will pay for the hero's little brother's education, and keep his grandparents fed and healthy, and give his IllGirl sister her operation. And there won't be any of those "mwahaha, but you have to do something evil first" deals. No, this will be be done with a smile.

# If I hear about any form of magical foods that can give the eater a special power, I will not.

# If I must [[EnemyMine team up with the heroes to defeat a greater threat]], I won't attempt to backstab them during the battle. Instead, I will [[HeelFaceMole fake a change of heart]] and earn the trust of the good guys, in order to [[TheMole discover their secret weaknesses and destroy them from within]].

# As 116 above demonstrates, any extremely competent EvilOverlord is indistinguishable from an extremely competent BenevolentRuler. This also applies in reverse.

# I will not maintain MedievalStasis when I come to power; I will encourage the [[DungeonPunk march forward with technology]]. I will research PsychicPowers, FunctionalMagic, and KiAttacks to surprise any heroes with. Let's see them cope with an unexpected GenreShift from [[HighSchool High School Drama]] to DungeonPunk!

# If I must [[StrangeBedfellows team up with the heroes to defeat a greater threat]], I won't attempt to backstab them during the battle. Instead, I will [[HeelFaceMole fake a change of heart]] and earn the trust of the good guys, in order to [[TheMole discover their secret weaknesses and destroy them from within]].

# I will do the whole "'''[[ThisCannotBe This Cannot Be]]!'''" after the heroes have defeated my ''penultimate'' boss form. That way, when I [[OneWingedAngel sprout a wing]] or [[BishonenLine grow really long hair]], they will be completely unprepared for my next attack.

# I will not censor the Internet. Nothing pisses off kids more than not being able access [[TheOtherWiki Wikipedia]] and Website/YouTube.

# All minions will be taught how to deal with the [[BareFistedMonk]] who relies on kung fu, karate, or similar. A good ol' fashioned grab-and-slam is unusually effective against them.

# To all potential (heterosexual) MALE Evil Overlords: All my nefarious plans can wait until after my wife's birthday, daughter's wedding or any significant woman in my life's important events. Missing said event will likely cost me [[HellHathNoFury very dearly]]. Additionally, no event in the girl's life would be too insignificant, because honestly, who kills the evil overlord when he's having tea time with "Daddy's Little Princesses and her court of Cute Stuffed Animals"?

# I will execute any vampires that are [[{{Literature/Twilight}} capable of sparkling on the spot]], period. After all, EvenEvilHasStandards.

# If three heroes have been making my life hell at the same time, showing three different personas and sets of powers, I will check the timing exactly to see if its possible for a single organism to have done it all, to prevent any rather [[IAmNotLeftHanded depressing reveals.]]
# My space stations and [[KillSat orbiting weapons]] will be assembled in space and will not be equipped with heat shields. That way, if the hero attempts a ColonyDrop, the satellite will burn up in the atmosphere long before they hit my base. They will not carry enough fuel to move out of orbit either.
# If I send multiple bounty hunters after the hero, I will not make them compete with each other. Instead, I will offer to pay them each the full value of the bounty if they bring the target in together.
# I will [[TheChessmaster study chess]]. I will get good at it. To be on the safe side, I will also have at least a working knowledge of [[ChessWithDeath Twister, Battleship, Yahtzee and other contemporary games]].

# I will not [[LoadBearingBoss set my base to self-destruct upon my defeat]]; such sites are notoriously difficult and expensive to locate and build, and it's easier to just take it over again should it be captured, besides. I ''will'', however, set all my equipment to [[ExplosiveOverclocking short out]] and set controllable fires to destroy any projects I am currently working on, to make sure my enemies don't get their hands on them after forcing me out of my lair. I will also make sure that all data and backups for any plans in the works are saved in other locations, so I won't [[NoPlansNoPrototypeNoBackup have to start from scratch with each defeat]].
# If I develop a seemingly flawless plan, only for it to be foiled by the hero at the last second through a million-to-one stroke of luck, I will immediately start work on reusing the same plan. The odds of that trick working twice are a trillion to one. I will keep in mind that there are heroes who can succeed even if the chance of victory is Zero Percent.
# If I have the ability to teleport anywhere, at will, I will wait until the hero is asleep, and then teleport to right beside him and kill him.
# My lair in turn will be warded against both screening and teleport. If possible, the screening ward will project realistic but entirely false images to distant observers and the teleport ward will dispel the buffs on all intruders before shunting them into a suitable death trap.
# If I capture two of the hero's closest companions and [[SadisticChoice force him to choose which one to save]], I will not actually show him his two companions. Instead, I will disguise two of my henchmen as the hero's choices, so that when he inevitably [[TakeAThirdOption saves them both]], he'll be killed by the two henchmen he just "saved".
# If I employ a team of {{Muggle}} laborers to build some device that, unbeknownst to them, is crucial to my plans, I will have a reasonable idea of how fast I can expect them to work. If the foreman tells me it is impossible to finish within the specified time frame, I will listen and adjust my plans accordingly. Having him killed will not make the work go any faster, and suspicious deaths will only attract the heroes to come investigate.
# A hero entered the realm bitter and alone. He met a love interest. She's beautiful. She's smart. She becomes his everything. She is his reason to fight you. If I ever capture both, for fucks sake, DO NOT TOUCH HER IN FRONT OF THE HERO! Cuckolding a hero never works, and only has one possible [[UnstoppableRage outcome]]. Love, jealousy, revenge, and hatred make a very explosive mix.
# When taking over the world I will leave it to [[OmnidisciplinaryScientist licensed professionals]] when using a [[WaveMotionGun Laser of Death, Doom, and Destruction]]. There are good reasons why I hired all those scientists to build my [[{{BFG}} big]], [[WeaponOfMassDestruction dangerous]], and [[ItRunsOnNonsensoleum complex]] weapon. Mostly because it is big, it is dangerous, and it is complex.

# If I ''am'' the Devil or otherwise a mystical creature who likes screwing people over with deals, I'll let someone insignificant "win" once in a blue moon. Maybe I'll pretend to lose, or maybe it'll just be a straight out "honest" exchange. Then I'll make certain that word of this incident gets out. Why? Because it works for casinos and lotteries. Far more souls will be willing to risk it than if ''every'' deal I ever make goes sour.
# I will make sure that I'm savvy. Though if I'm reading or using this list, I already am. In addition, I will make sure that I don't take everything at face value, but actually ''think'' about this list and how it applies. Some of the things on here are not genre savvy, but I am genre savvy enough to catch them. I will also watch for it in my minions. The ones who aren't are more likely to be incompetent, but the ones who are, are most likely looking to take my place.
# If I am immortal, then I have absolutely no excuse for ''not'' learning martial arts, [[SwordFight sword fighting]] and how to [[ImprobableAimingSkills properly aim a gun]]
# All minions will be taught how to deal with [[BareFistedMonk Bare Fisted Monks]] with reliance on Kung Fu, Karate, or similar. A good ol' fashioned grab-and-slam is unusually effective against them.

# As cool as it might seem to have the power to fly or shoot energy blasts out of my hand, given a choice, I will always spring for one or more of the following: immortality, invulnerability, regeneration, precognition, clairvoyance, or supergenius-level intelligence. If I'm really that concerned about it, I'll just use my superhuman intellect to build a jetpack and an energy rifle.
# I will not leave clues for the hero that will eventually lead to my demise. If I do, I will make sure they are false clues, to throw the hero off my trail. In case the hero is not fooled, said false clues will ''not'' be the exact opposite of what I want the hero to do.
# As an alternative measure for [[EvilOverlordList rule 88]], I ''will'' send the same group that failed me again and again. Since they didn't die the first time, I'd rather have those incompetent fools suffer TheWorfEffect instead of my competent underlings.

# I will not [[BrainwashedAndCrazy brainwash any captured heroes into turning on their friends]], [[HeroicWillpower they'll always break free in time to stop me]]. If I can catch any of them, I'm just going to [[JustShootHim shoot the guy]] and be content with one hero killed.
# Should my enemies live in an area I want to take over, I will take over EVERY AREA the heroes do NOT live in, then take over the area they do live in.

# If I hear about a prophecy or prophecies that state that a child will be born in a certain place with a birthmark or some other sign who will bring about my downfall, I will not immediately send troops to kill the child and its entire family. Instead, I will wait until the child is about five, while keeping it under surveillance, and then have it kidnapped and killed. Once this is done, I will bury the body in a careful location so the body does not get eaten by wild beasts, resurrected by the good guys or wash up on some foreign shore. And for everyone's sake, I will make sure that the child is actually dead, instead if just stabbing it once or suffocating it. Bullets are very helpful, especially fifty-fold.
# If some extremely important and powerful foreigners come into my land/s, I will not threaten to take them hostage in my capital while I find and kill the person they were after, ZAKATH. Especially if the person they were after is my enemy too. Instead, I will give them help with their quest, and ship them out of my lands ASAP. After all, "power" is only good when I have it.

# I will have a staff of public servants who will behave as ''servants'' of the people; that is, be friendly and helpful. Also encourage idealistic people to work with the disadvantaged. Let them be known and liked among the population, so that they can hear any bit of gossip and learn ASAP whenever something unusual is happening. I would also encourage people talking in taverns and public places on all possible subjects, in front of public servants. This would save millions in local espionage salaries (and people engaged in such internal espionage tend to have an intimidated appearance which encourages people to shut up instead of babbling - which is what I want them to do). (This by the way is how all the German spies who parachuted in Ireland were caught within hours. Anyone who saw a stranger would mention it in the pub where the local cop was having a beer, so the authorities found out without having to pay any extra money - the cop paid for his own beer).

# When designing my fortress/fort/castle, I will not choose a Gothic design on a mountaintop in brooding, dark stone with too many towers and the occasional eagle. And it won't be surrounded by lava. Instead, I will design it somewhat in the manner of Castle Floret: on a raised hill surrounded by a moat, with a big heavy drawbridge. Also, the castle will be designed for height rather than length, and I will place the prison/gaol/dungeons right at the top.
# If any of my towns/cities/forts, etc are to be outfitted for defense against armies, including big heavy walls, I will have them buttressed from both the outside and the inside, in order to prevent an inside job.

# If I am a troper for this wiki, I will not take Administrivia/ThereIsNoSuchThingAsNotability for granted. Sure, the hero may never find a use for my fears and turn-ons, but why take that chance?
# If I am in charge of a nation/empire that shares its continent with many others, and I go to war with some of them, and I am the Overlord of my few countries, I will never, ever regard another nation as "useless" simply because they have no real army. Chances are, they're renowned for poisoning and assassins, and you can kill an enemy just as easily by poisoning him as you can by actual conflict.
# If I hear about any form of magical fruit/s that can give the eater a special power, I will not:

# I will take acting lessons until I can perfect the role of a fawning, cringing, servile toady. My trusted lieutenant will be trained to strut around in black robes intoning things like "Seize them!" and "Evil will triumph!" in a booming, sepulchral voice. Thus if the hero is ever brought into my presence, my lieutenant and I will switch roles, just in case the hero has something up his sleeve despite being naked and shackled (they always do, you know). This will allow me to remain in the room and keep an eye on the situation while my lieutenant becomes the target of any possible attack. My lieutenant, just to keep him from getting above himself at that moment, will have a minibomb inserted into his heart, to which I will have the detonator in my pocket.
# My Legions of Terror will not march back and forth in front of my Fortress of Evil carrying long spears and wearing flashy, terrifying uniforms. That role will be filled by expendable security guards (or even more expendable actors) hired from a private agency. My Legions of Terror will wear practical camouflage fatigues and be trained to lurk out of sight until needed.

# I will not try to discipline my beautiful daughter to rein in her dangerous carnal appetites. To the contrary, I will raise her to use and discard men like this week's hot fashion. That way, if she falls in love with the hero . . . well, that's what ''he'' thinks!
# I will never employ any DoomsdayDevice that is so destructive it would leave me with no world or subjects to rule over. I mean, if the world leaders can't or won't come up with the ransom, what options does that leave you?
# If I discover that the hero has an OrphansPlotTrinket in his possession, I will not show up at his door dressed in [[SpikesOfVillainy spiky armor]] with a gang of mooks and demand he give me the WhiteMagicianGirl's necklace. Not only will he wipe out my squad, but now he knows that the trinket is important and will go to great lengths to figure out my plan and keep it away from me. Instead, I will disguise myself as a merchant, and when he stops at my store to pick up the latest weapon, I will offer to buy it from him for an exorbitant amount of money, or perhaps trade it for a component of the InfinityPlusOneSword. Not only will it allay any suspicion, but if I get the necklace or whatever at the beginning of the quest, my plans will be complete before the good guys have any idea what happened. Besides, you can't get the InfinityPlusOneSword until the very end anyway, and he won't make it that far.
# I will find the BonusBoss, and do anything in my power to get it on my side. Even if the hero manages to defeat it, he'll be so weak afterward, that I can kill him without any trouble.
# I will never keep the final room where I reside, with my hostage/artifact, (or if the room is my last escape point) guarded by a a line of bosses ending in one big, almost undefeatable one. Chances are that it will be defeated, and if I have no other security, I'm stuffed.
# I will create agencies staffed by experts and competent leaders to deal with any and all natural disasters, even if the chance of it occurring is less than one percent. I will supply these agencies with twice the funding and manpower they claim to require. They will be ready to act at a moment's notice and have outposts loaded with supplies at all towns and cities of significant size and will regularly practice drills with the public of what to do in the event of a disaster. It will do me no good to crush my enemies if a freak act of nature brings my empire to its knees.
# Very often, the ChosenOne has mentors who are...let's be charitable and call them dicks. They'll use their OmniscientMoralityLicense to put the hero through hell, make them have to make hard choices whether to defend the world or their families, and generally not be very truthful when it comes down with it. Should my spies report this is the case, I will pay for the hero's little brother's education, and keep his grandparents fed and healthy, and give his IllGirl sister her operation. And there won't be any of those "mwahaha, but you have to do something evil first" deals. No, this will be be done with a smile.

# Additional to point 10 of the original list: if I possess a fleet of spacecraft, ocean-going vessels or whatever, I will make sure that any captured heroes are brought not to my flagship, but to a small support ship (without the capacity to destroy my flagship).

# If I for some reason decide to take my enemies alive, I will keep in mind modern prison standards when designing cells for my enemies. All cells will have modern concrete walls and floor, as throwing the hero in a decrepit and abandoned old part of the castle with brickwork that could potentially be dug through and leaving him to die unsupervised is right out. For important prisoners at least two guards will be posted outside the cell at all times and will have easy access to a button that will immediately kill the prisoner in case of prison riots, betrayals or attack by enemy ninjas. The cell block will also be kept under constant surveillance with hidden cameras, with the control room having remote triggers for all the 'kill prisoner' buttons.
# I will keep the fact I've just achieved immortality a secret, once it happens. Bragging about it just gives people the motivation to prove you wrong.
# If one of the villagers in my realm has a legitimate beef with a member of my Legion of Doom, I will deal with the matter in a fair and equitable manner. If they have no reason to be disgruntled, they won't bother helping the hero when he comes around.

# To all potential (heterosexual) MALE Evil Overlords: All my nefarious plans can wait until after my wife's birthday, daughter's wedding or any significant girl in my life's important events. Missing said event will likely cost me very dearly under the "Hell Hath no Fury" clause. No event in the girl's life would be too insignificant, cause honestly, who kills the evil overlord when he's having tea time with "Daddy's Little Princesses and her court of Cute Stuffed Animals"?
# I do not need to beat the hero myself. In fact, the less I need to see of ThoseMeddlingKids [[Franchise/ScoobyDoo and their dog]], the better. All troops under my command will be instructed and made clear that killing the hero in battle will earn them a handsome pay bonus. Legion of Doom troops tend to respond to two things: kindness from superiors and greed. And I have just wrapped them both up in a bag of super motivation.
# When engaged in time travel, I will never ally myself with ThoseWackyNazis. It never helps and brown is such an ugly color.

# Although I enjoy MoreDakka and a wide selection of {{BFG}}s as much as anyone, and it does wonders for establishing my superiority over the hero's nation, once superiority has been achieved, I will withdraw all such weapons from service in my armies, as well as all armored vehicles and aircraft. My forces may question this decision, but when the hero begins his first mission and realizes he will never acquire a weapon more powerful than his starting pistol or enjoy a vehicle section, he will resign in disgust and learn to live under my rule.
# If I manage to find out the birth date of the hero, well ''before'' the actual date, I will head for my space station and have an asteroid ([[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTKau14cvQ4 preferably one whose diameter is measured in the hundreds of miles]]) be dropped on the planet. I will then watch as the planet is quickly sterilized.

# My jail cells will be sealed by thick reinforced metal bars, not energy fields that can be deactivated by pulling the plug. If I do have access to energy field cells, I'll just make sure they have metal bars as a backup containment method. Energy fields are harder for a hero with SuperStrength, VoluntaryShapeshifting, or [[IntangibleMan other miscellaneous abilities]] to get through.

# I will execute any vampires that are [[Literature/Twilight capable of sparkling on the spot]], period. After all, EvenEvilHasStandards.

# I will consider novel methods of disposal f one or more of my ''enemies'' are vampires or similar creatures, . Sunlight and silver are fine, but I doubt medieval peasants ever had the chance to test vampiric response to disintegrators.

# Vampires will not be placed in positions of power. I can do quite well without all that {{Wangst}}, thank you very much. Also, minions who die if they go outside during the day are pretty useless.
# I will execute any vampires that are capable of sparkling on the spot, period. This is, after all, my kingdom, and I hate ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' as much as everyone. After all, EvenEvilHasStandards.

# I will never, I repeat ''NEVER'', use an online list of [[EvilOverlordList "Evil Overlord Rules"]], "Advice for Villains" or any other such variation. A geeky {{Badass Normal}} will read it, realise that I'm using it and promptly inform the hero, allowing them to either know my plans in advance, or even worse consult a similar "Vows for Heroes" list and ensure I'm destroyed rather than severely weakened or [[SealedEvilInACan sealed away]].

# I will make sure that I'm DangerouslyGenreSavvy. Though if I'm reading or using this list, I already am. In addition, I will make sure that I don't take everything at face value, but actually ''think'' about this list and how it applies. Some of the things on here are not genre savvy, but I am genre savvy enough to catch them. I will also watch for it in my minions. The ones who aren't are more likely to be incompetent, but the ones who are, are most likely looking to take my place.

# I will not censor the Internet. Nothing pisses off kids more than not being able access Wikipedia and Website/YouTube.