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* Wilkins is riding a stagecoach with Wontkins on the outside.
--> '''Wontkins:''' The Indians won't bother you. All you got is a shipment of Wilkins Coffee.
--> (Wilkins' stagecoach is attacked by fired arrows)
--> '''Wilkins:''' Someday, he's gonna learn that ''everybody'' drinks Wilkins!
--> '''Wontkins:''' The Indians won't bother you. All you got is a shipment of Wilkins Coffee.
--> (Wilkins' stagecoach is attacked by fired arrows)
--> '''Wilkins:''' Someday, he's gonna learn that ''everybody'' drinks Wilkins!
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* "Want some Wilkins Coffee with your pie?" "Naw, just give me the pie." [[PieInTheFace (SPLAT!)]] "Sure you wouldn't like a cup of Wilkins to wash it down?"
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* Wontkins is on trial with Wilkins as the judge.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Why were you speeding?
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wanted a cup of coffee.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No, just coffee.
--> ''(Cut to next scene; Wontkins is behind bars.)''
--> '''Wontkins:''' Next time, I'll say Wilkins.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Why were you speeding?
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wanted a cup of coffee.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No, just coffee.
--> ''(Cut to next scene; Wontkins is behind bars.)''
--> '''Wontkins:''' Next time, I'll say Wilkins.
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Changed line(s) 44,45 (click to see context) from:
* "Without Wilkins Coffee, you're not all there!" "Aw, that's a lot of-" (Wontkins suddenly disappears from existence)"In fact, without Wilkins Coffee you're nowhere!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 more days!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 more days!"
to:
* "Without "If you don't drink Wilkins Coffee, you're not all there!" "Aw, that's a lot of-" (Wontkins suddenly disappears from existence)"In existence) "In fact, without Wilkins Coffee Coffee, you're nowhere!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80more whole days!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80
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* Wilkins and Wontkins are riding horses in the Wild West.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Let's stop and make a pot of Wilkins Coffee!
--> '''Wontkins:''' Keep going. I don't like coffee.
--> ''(Wilkins casually picks up a gun and shoots Wontkins off-screen.)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' It happened that way: moving west.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Let's stop and make a pot of Wilkins Coffee!
--> '''Wontkins:''' Keep going. I don't like coffee.
--> ''(Wilkins casually picks up a gun and shoots Wontkins off-screen.)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' It happened that way: moving west.
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* Wontkins wanders into a diner, staffed by Wilkins...
--> '''Wontkins:''' What kind of coffee do ya sell?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!
--> '''Wontkins:''' Don't you have any other kind?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Sure, we ''have'' it, but we don't ''sell'' it!
--> '''Wontkins:''' What kind of coffee do ya sell?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!
--> '''Wontkins:''' Don't you have any other kind?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Sure, we ''have'' it, but we don't ''sell'' it!
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Changed line(s) 5 (click to see context) from:
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do YOU think of Wilkins?]]"
to:
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) [[BoomHeadshot (BOOM!)]] "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do YOU think of Wilkins?]]"
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Changed line(s) 102 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wontkins:''' Now pay me the ten bucks!
to:
--> '''Wontkins:''' Now pay me the ten bucks!bucks!
----
----
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Changed line(s) 97 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee rings the bell.
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee rings the bell.bell.
* Wilkins having Wontkins take a survey.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Next question! What do you think of Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' It's wonderful! Delicious!
--> '''Wilkins:''' You see, friends--
--> '''Wontkins:''' Now pay me the ten bucks!
* Wilkins having Wontkins take a survey.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Next question! What do you think of Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' It's wonderful! Delicious!
--> '''Wilkins:''' You see, friends--
--> '''Wontkins:''' Now pay me the ten bucks!
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Changed line(s) 91 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You should! It really swings!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You should! It really swings!swings!
* Wilkins is standing next to a suspended bell holding a mallet, Wontkins enters the frame:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Hey, I wanna show you something about Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins:''' What?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Put your head in here.
--> ''(Wontkins puts his head inside the bell and Wilkins proceeds to hit it with the mallet.)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee rings the bell.
* Wilkins is standing next to a suspended bell holding a mallet, Wontkins enters the frame:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Hey, I wanna show you something about Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins:''' What?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Put your head in here.
--> ''(Wontkins puts his head inside the bell and Wilkins proceeds to hit it with the mallet.)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee rings the bell.
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Changed line(s) 86 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Stee-rike three, you're out!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Stee-rike three, you're out!out!
* Wilkins as a beatnik.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Hey man, what makes you so square?
--> '''Wontkins:''' I don't dig Wilkins Coffee.
--> ''(A can of Wilkins Coffee tied to a rope swings on-screen hitting Wontkins in the head)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' You should! It really swings!
* Wilkins as a beatnik.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Hey man, what makes you so square?
--> '''Wontkins:''' I don't dig Wilkins Coffee.
--> ''(A can of Wilkins Coffee tied to a rope swings on-screen hitting Wontkins in the head)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' You should! It really swings!
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Changed line(s) 81 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!Coffee!
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a baseball field.
--> '''Wontkins:''' Well, what was it? A ball or a strike?
--> '''Wilkins:''' You drink Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Naw.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Stee-rike three, you're out!
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a baseball field.
--> '''Wontkins:''' Well, what was it? A ball or a strike?
--> '''Wilkins:''' You drink Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Naw.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Stee-rike three, you're out!
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Changed line(s) 73 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You either go with Wilkins or you just don't go.
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You either go with Wilkins or you just don't go.go.
* Wontkins as a robber.
--> '''Wontkins:''' Stick 'em up, mac. What d'ya got in the safe?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins:''' What d'ya got in your wallet?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee, and you know what I got here?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No, what?
--> ''KA BLAM!''
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!
* Wontkins as a robber.
--> '''Wontkins:''' Stick 'em up, mac. What d'ya got in the safe?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins:''' What d'ya got in your wallet?
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee, and you know what I got here?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No, what?
--> ''KA BLAM!''
--> '''Wilkins:''' Wilkins Coffee!
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Changed line(s) 68 (click to see context) from:
--> ''(Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two mallets as the words "BAD GUY" flash on with a buzzing noise in the background)''
to:
--> ''(Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two mallets as the words "BAD GUY" flash on with a buzzing noise in the background)''background)''
* Wilkins asking about the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon.
--> '''Wilkins:''' You gettin' on the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Never.
--> ''(A bandwagon full of cheering people enters the frame and runs over Wontkins)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' You either go with Wilkins or you just don't go.
* Wilkins asking about the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon.
--> '''Wilkins:''' You gettin' on the Wilkins Coffee bandwagon?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Never.
--> ''(A bandwagon full of cheering people enters the frame and runs over Wontkins)''
--> '''Wilkins:''' You either go with Wilkins or you just don't go.
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Changed line(s) 63 (click to see context) from:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrmfZeo_SL0&ab_channel=Mr.Wilkins In this one]], we see Wilkins simply talking about how Wilkins Coffee is good coffee. Wontkins then pops out of a Wilkins Coffee tin and says that it is a bad commercial, with Wilkins quickly closing the lid and leaving him inside, and says that the commercial may be bad, but the coffee's wonderful.
to:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrmfZeo_SL0&ab_channel=Mr.Wilkins In this one]], we see Wilkins simply talking about how Wilkins Coffee is good coffee. Wontkins then pops out of a Wilkins Coffee tin and says that it is a bad commercial, with Wilkins quickly closing the lid and leaving him inside, and says that the commercial may be bad, but the coffee's wonderful.wonderful.
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a laboratory.
--> '''Wilkins:''' This machine tells if you're a good guy or bad guy.
--> '''Wontkins:''' How?
--> '''Wilkins:''' All good guys drink Wilkins Instant Coffee!
--> ''(Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two mallets as the words "BAD GUY" flash on with a buzzing noise in the background)''
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a laboratory.
--> '''Wilkins:''' This machine tells if you're a good guy or bad guy.
--> '''Wontkins:''' How?
--> '''Wilkins:''' All good guys drink Wilkins Instant Coffee!
--> ''(Wilkins turns on the machine, which hits Wontkins repeatedly with two mallets as the words "BAD GUY" flash on with a buzzing noise in the background)''
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Changed line(s) 62 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' ''(throws Wontkins out from the suspended airplane)'' Next town's five miles, straight down!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' ''(throws Wontkins out from the suspended airplane)'' Next town's five miles, straight down!down!
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrmfZeo_SL0&ab_channel=Mr.Wilkins In this one]], we see Wilkins simply talking about how Wilkins Coffee is good coffee. Wontkins then pops out of a Wilkins Coffee tin and says that it is a bad commercial, with Wilkins quickly closing the lid and leaving him inside, and says that the commercial may be bad, but the coffee's wonderful.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrmfZeo_SL0&ab_channel=Mr.Wilkins In this one]], we see Wilkins simply talking about how Wilkins Coffee is good coffee. Wontkins then pops out of a Wilkins Coffee tin and says that it is a bad commercial, with Wilkins quickly closing the lid and leaving him inside, and says that the commercial may be bad, but the coffee's wonderful.
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Changed line(s) 58 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You want me to go in there looking like a bum?
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' You want me to go in there looking like a bum?bum?
* Wilkins and Wontkins are in an airplane, we see Wilkins dressed in drag as a hostess and Wontkins sitting in a passenger seat:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Have some Wilkins Coffee, sir?
--> '''Wontkins:''' If that’s all you serve, I’ll get off at the next town.
--> '''Wilkins:''' ''(throws Wontkins out from the suspended airplane)'' Next town's five miles, straight down!
* Wilkins and Wontkins are in an airplane, we see Wilkins dressed in drag as a hostess and Wontkins sitting in a passenger seat:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Have some Wilkins Coffee, sir?
--> '''Wontkins:''' If that’s all you serve, I’ll get off at the next town.
--> '''Wilkins:''' ''(throws Wontkins out from the suspended airplane)'' Next town's five miles, straight down!
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Changed line(s) 54 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' (pushes Wontkins off the boat) [[DullSurprise I say, man overboard.]] [[SarcasmMode Help.]]
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' (pushes Wontkins off the boat) [[DullSurprise I say, man overboard.]] [[SarcasmMode Help.]]]]
* Wontkins is standing in front of a cafe. Wilkins, in hat and coat, steps into the frame and asks:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Got 65 dollars for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' 65 dollars?!
--> '''Wilkins:''' You want me to go in there looking like a bum?
* Wontkins is standing in front of a cafe. Wilkins, in hat and coat, steps into the frame and asks:
--> '''Wilkins:''' Got 65 dollars for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' 65 dollars?!
--> '''Wilkins:''' You want me to go in there looking like a bum?
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Changed line(s) 12 (click to see context) from:
* "You want a can of Wilkins Coffee?" "Naw, give me a bottle of Ginger Ale!" "Okay!" (smashes bottle of ginger ale over Wontkins's head) "But he would've liked the Wilkins!"
to:
* "You want a can of Wilkins Coffee?" "Naw, give me a bottle of Ginger Ale!" ginger ale!" "Okay!" [[GrievousBottleyHarm (smashes bottle of ginger ale over Wontkins's head) head)]] "But he would've liked the Wilkins!"
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Changed line(s) 13 (click to see context) from:
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. Wilkins then promptly unsheathes his blunt into a real sword and comments "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, and some don't!]]"
to:
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. We then see Wilkins then promptly unsheathes cleaning the blood off of his blunt into a real sword and comments blade, commenting "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, and some don't!]]"
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Changed line(s) 5 (click to see context) from:
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do you think of Wilkins?]]"
to:
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do you YOU think of Wilkins?]]"
Changed line(s) 13 (click to see context) from:
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. Wilkins then promptly unsheathes his blunt into a real sword and comments "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, some don't!]]"
to:
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. Wilkins then promptly unsheathes his blunt into a real sword and comments "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, and some don't!]]"
Changed line(s) 17 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' ([[PieInTheFace smashes the shortcake into Wontkins's face]] and pours the coffee on him) You can't say that you DON'T, either!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' ([[PieInTheFace smashes the shortcake into Wontkins's face]] and pours the coffee on him) You can't say that you DON'T, ''don't'', either!
Changed line(s) 19 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wontkins:''' (with a apple on his head) Okay, William Tell, this had better be good!
to:
--> '''Wontkins:''' (with a apple on his head) Okay, William Tell, this had better be good!
Changed line(s) 39,40 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wontkins:''' Ugh!\\
to:
--> '''Wontkins:''' Ugh!\\
(gasps in shock)
Changed line(s) 48,49 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' (in a posh British accent) I say, this dreadful thing would never had happened if we'd just gave them Wilkins tea!\\
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' (in a posh British accent) I say, this dreadful thing would never had happened if we'd just gave sent them Wilkins tea!\\
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Changed line(s) 42,43 (click to see context) from:
* One of the few times Wilkins is on the receiving end of humiliation - when he orders Wilkins Instant Coffee by telephone.
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]]) "Man, how instant can you get?"
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]]) "Man, how instant can you get?"
to:
* One of the few times Wilkins is on the receiving end of humiliation - when he orders Wilkins Instant Coffee by telephone.
telephone, not that he minds.
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]])"Man, how "Man! How instant can you get?"
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]])
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Changed line(s) 50 (click to see context) from:
* "[[BreakingTheFourthWall I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don' you?]]" "I'm tired of 'em!" (Stage suddenly gets torn apart to the sound of machine gun fire) "Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!"
to:
* "[[BreakingTheFourthWall I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don' you?]]" "I'm tired of 'em!" (Stage suddenly gets torn apart to the sound of machine gun fire) "Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!"Wilkins!"
* Wilkins and Wotkins at sea.
--> '''Wilkins:''' How about some Wilkins Coffee, captain?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No!
--> '''Wilkins:''' (pushes Wontkins off the boat) [[DullSurprise I say, man overboard.]] [[SarcasmMode Help.]]
* Wilkins and Wotkins at sea.
--> '''Wilkins:''' How about some Wilkins Coffee, captain?
--> '''Wontkins:''' No!
--> '''Wilkins:''' (pushes Wontkins off the boat) [[DullSurprise I say, man overboard.]] [[SarcasmMode Help.]]
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Changed line(s) 3,4 (click to see context) from:
Several of these commercials can be viewed [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmhIizQQol0&t=745s here]].
to:
Several of these commercials can be viewed [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmhIizQQol0&t=745s com/watch?v=LmhIizQQol0 here]].
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Changed line(s) 26 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wilkins:''' If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into two buffords!
to:
--> '''Wilkins:''' If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into two buffords!two-by-fours!
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Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]]))
to:
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]])) TWANG!]])
Changed line(s) 37 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... I really DO like Wilkins Coffee!\\
to:
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... [[WhamLine I really DO like Wilkins Coffee!\\Coffee!]]\\
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Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]]
to:
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]] TWANG!]]))
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Changed line(s) 23 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Wilkins:''' [[SkeweredPriorities We can still use the apple again!]]
to:
-->'''Wilkins:''' [[SkeweredPriorities [[SkewedPriorities We can still use the apple again!]]
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Added DiffLines:
[[Creator/JimHenson Jim Henson's]] Wilkins Coffee commercials about the psychotic proto-Muppet Wilkins, whose love for the titular coffee (and sometimes Wilkins Tea or Instant Coffee) was so great that he would often torture his friend Wontkins for not liking it, had a long history of [[CrossesTheLineTwice Crossing The Line Twice]] into sheer hilarity.
Several of these commercials can be viewed [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmhIizQQol0&t=745s here]].
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do you think of Wilkins?]]"
* When Wilkins tells Wontkins that you sure get a lift with Wilkins Coffee, Wontkins disagrees, only to suddenly get pulled up out of the frame. Wilkins then comments "And not drinking Wilkins could be your downfall!" before Wontkins falls to the ground in a hilarious manner.
* While out walking, Wilkins tells Wontkins that you'll never find anyone who doesn't drink Wilkins coffee. Wontkins says he'll look high and low … and as he says "low", he falls into a open manhole.
--> '''Wilkins:''' How low can you get?
* Wontkins learning the hard way that CheatersNeverProsper.
-->'''Wontkins:''' I've got five aces! Can you beat that?\\
'''Wilkins:''' ''(puts a container of Wilkins Coffee on the table)'' I've got a can of Wilkins Coffee! ''(takes out a gun and shoots Wontkins at point-blank range)'' [[BondOneLiner Nothing beats Wilkins!]]
* "You want a can of Wilkins Coffee?" "Naw, give me a bottle of Ginger Ale!" "Okay!" (smashes bottle of ginger ale over Wontkins's head) "But he would've liked the Wilkins!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. Wilkins then promptly unsheathes his blunt into a real sword and comments "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, some don't!]]"
* Wilkins as a waiter.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee to go with your strawberry shortcake?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Can't say that I do.
--> '''Wilkins:''' ([[PieInTheFace smashes the shortcake into Wontkins's face]] and pours the coffee on him) You can't say that you DON'T, either!
* Wilkins out WilliamTelling:
--> '''Wontkins:''' (with a apple on his head) Okay, William Tell, this had better be good!
--> '''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' [[TooDumbToLive No!]]
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]]
-->'''Wilkins:''' [[SkeweredPriorities We can still use the apple again!]]
* "Y'know, people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee just blow up sometimes!" "[[FamousLastWords Aw, that's a lot of-]]" (Wilkins presses down on a detonator and blows up Wontkins) "See what I mean?"
* Wontkins on the saw-type ConveyorBeltODoom:
--> '''Wilkins:''' If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into two buffords!
--> '''Wontkins:''' [[FamousLastWords I should've saw this coming!]]
--> '''Wilkins:''' (while the saw blade is going off) [[BondOneLiner He always was a cut-up!]]
* The Washington Monument randomly falling on Wontkins when he refuses a cup of Wilkins.
* Wilkins commenting that anyone who doesn't like Wilkins Coffee [[DisproportionateRetribution should be tarred and feathered]]. He gets a "Wrong!" from Wontkins, who HAS been tarred and feathered.
--> '''Wilkins:''' He always was a bad sport!
* Wilkins as a FortuneTeller named [[SdrawkcabName Snikliw]]:
--> '''Wilkins''': (to Wontkins, looking into a CrystalBall) I see you don't drink Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins''': What about my future?
--> '''Wilkins''': I hate to tell you, but... (discreetly shoots Wontkins dead with a gun under the table) [[BondOneLiner you don't have a future!]]
* Wontkins making a dark confession while stranded on a desert island.
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... I really DO like Wilkins Coffee!\\
'''Wilkins:''' (pops up from the back of the scene with a Wilkins Coffee sign) Did you call?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Ugh!\\
* Wilkins, alone in a forest, commenting that he'd give a million bucks for a cup of Wilkins Coffee. A cup of Wilkins Coffee suddenly appears in his hand, followed by Wontkins popping up and yelling "[[TheDogBitesBack Okay buster, pay up!]]"
* One of the few times Wilkins is on the receiving end of humiliation - when he orders Wilkins Instant Coffee by telephone.
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]]) "Man, how instant can you get?"
* "Without Wilkins Coffee, you're not all there!" "Aw, that's a lot of-" (Wontkins suddenly disappears from existence)"In fact, without Wilkins Coffee you're nowhere!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 more days!"
* "Ye Olde Boston Tea Party":
--> '''Wontkins:''' Throw all the tea overboard, men!
--> '''Wilkins:''' (in a posh British accent) I say, this dreadful thing would never had happened if we'd just gave them Wilkins tea!\\
* "[[BreakingTheFourthWall I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don' you?]]" "I'm tired of 'em!" (Stage suddenly gets torn apart to the sound of machine gun fire) "Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!"
Several of these commercials can be viewed [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmhIizQQol0&t=745s here]].
* "OK buddy, what do you think of Wilkins Coffee?" "[[FamousLastWords I never tasted it]]." (BOOM!) "[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Now what do you think of Wilkins?]]"
* When Wilkins tells Wontkins that you sure get a lift with Wilkins Coffee, Wontkins disagrees, only to suddenly get pulled up out of the frame. Wilkins then comments "And not drinking Wilkins could be your downfall!" before Wontkins falls to the ground in a hilarious manner.
* While out walking, Wilkins tells Wontkins that you'll never find anyone who doesn't drink Wilkins coffee. Wontkins says he'll look high and low … and as he says "low", he falls into a open manhole.
--> '''Wilkins:''' How low can you get?
* Wontkins learning the hard way that CheatersNeverProsper.
-->'''Wontkins:''' I've got five aces! Can you beat that?\\
'''Wilkins:''' ''(puts a container of Wilkins Coffee on the table)'' I've got a can of Wilkins Coffee! ''(takes out a gun and shoots Wontkins at point-blank range)'' [[BondOneLiner Nothing beats Wilkins!]]
* "You want a can of Wilkins Coffee?" "Naw, give me a bottle of Ginger Ale!" "Okay!" (smashes bottle of ginger ale over Wontkins's head) "But he would've liked the Wilkins!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, [[TooDumbToLive as usual]], tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. Wilkins then promptly unsheathes his blunt into a real sword and comments "[[PreAssKickingOneLiner Some learn, some don't!]]"
* Wilkins as a waiter.
--> '''Wilkins:''' Want some Wilkins Coffee to go with your strawberry shortcake?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Can't say that I do.
--> '''Wilkins:''' ([[PieInTheFace smashes the shortcake into Wontkins's face]] and pours the coffee on him) You can't say that you DON'T, either!
* Wilkins out WilliamTelling:
--> '''Wontkins:''' (with a apple on his head) Okay, William Tell, this had better be good!
--> '''Wilkins:''' Do you drink Wilkins Coffee?
--> '''Wontkins:''' [[TooDumbToLive No!]]
--> ([[GoryDiscretionShot TWANG!]]
-->'''Wilkins:''' [[SkeweredPriorities We can still use the apple again!]]
* "Y'know, people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee just blow up sometimes!" "[[FamousLastWords Aw, that's a lot of-]]" (Wilkins presses down on a detonator and blows up Wontkins) "See what I mean?"
* Wontkins on the saw-type ConveyorBeltODoom:
--> '''Wilkins:''' If you don't start drinking Wilkins Coffee, I'll make you into two buffords!
--> '''Wontkins:''' [[FamousLastWords I should've saw this coming!]]
--> '''Wilkins:''' (while the saw blade is going off) [[BondOneLiner He always was a cut-up!]]
* The Washington Monument randomly falling on Wontkins when he refuses a cup of Wilkins.
* Wilkins commenting that anyone who doesn't like Wilkins Coffee [[DisproportionateRetribution should be tarred and feathered]]. He gets a "Wrong!" from Wontkins, who HAS been tarred and feathered.
--> '''Wilkins:''' He always was a bad sport!
* Wilkins as a FortuneTeller named [[SdrawkcabName Snikliw]]:
--> '''Wilkins''': (to Wontkins, looking into a CrystalBall) I see you don't drink Wilkins Coffee.
--> '''Wontkins''': What about my future?
--> '''Wilkins''': I hate to tell you, but... (discreetly shoots Wontkins dead with a gun under the table) [[BondOneLiner you don't have a future!]]
* Wontkins making a dark confession while stranded on a desert island.
--> '''Wontkins:''' I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone, but... I really DO like Wilkins Coffee!\\
'''Wilkins:''' (pops up from the back of the scene with a Wilkins Coffee sign) Did you call?
--> '''Wontkins:''' Ugh!\\
* Wilkins, alone in a forest, commenting that he'd give a million bucks for a cup of Wilkins Coffee. A cup of Wilkins Coffee suddenly appears in his hand, followed by Wontkins popping up and yelling "[[TheDogBitesBack Okay buster, pay up!]]"
* One of the few times Wilkins is on the receiving end of humiliation - when he orders Wilkins Instant Coffee by telephone.
--> "Hello, grocery store? Send me some Wilkins Instant Coffee!" ([[ReachingBetweenTheLines coffee comes out of the machine and sprays Wilkins]]) "Man, how instant can you get?"
* "Without Wilkins Coffee, you're not all there!" "Aw, that's a lot of-" (Wontkins suddenly disappears from existence)"In fact, without Wilkins Coffee you're nowhere!"
* Wilkins and Wontkins in a balloon with a few crates of Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins notices that the balloon is beginning to sink, and suggests that they throw out the Wilkins Coffee. We then cut to Wilkins alone in the balloon, excitedly exclaiming "Just me and Wilkins Instant for 80 more days!"
* "Ye Olde Boston Tea Party":
--> '''Wontkins:''' Throw all the tea overboard, men!
--> '''Wilkins:''' (in a posh British accent) I say, this dreadful thing would never had happened if we'd just gave them Wilkins tea!\\
* "[[BreakingTheFourthWall I love these Wilkins Coffee commercials, don' you?]]" "I'm tired of 'em!" (Stage suddenly gets torn apart to the sound of machine gun fire) "Just kidding, Mr. Wilkins!"
