History Funny / WhiteNight

* Bowling for vampires

--->'''Ramirez''': Bloody hell. Harry. There's a ''knife'' in my leg. When did ''that'' happen?\\
'''Harry''': In the duel. Don't you remember?\\
'''Ramirez''': I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a knife in my guts. And they match.
** Harry also manages to give Ramirez a bit of a boost when he starts flagging - by telling him his [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesome prehistoric-ghoul-fighting]] isn't bad, for a virgin.
* Then there's Thomas's solution to the problem of his vampire hunger. Harry has spent two books worrying that he's gone back to hunting and victimizing women...[[spoiler:instead, he's started a high-end beauty salon and has been posing as a gay French hairdresser.]] Brilliant ''and'' comedy gold.

** "An NBA-sized gay burglar who works with a dog."

'''Harry:''' Don't you people have lives? ..... What are ''you'' getting me?\\

--->'''Murph''': What's that all about?\\
'''Harry''': Don't ask me. I'm gay now.
*** The previous quote, a CMOF for Harry, was a result of showing up at one of "Gentleman" Johnny Marcone's businesses, particularly a brothel posing as a health club. Harry was greeted at the door with a Platinum membership package. When pressed for a reason why, Marcone delivers his CMOF:
----> '''Marcone''': I am under no illusions about your fondness for myself and my business. I regard it as a preventative measure. In my judgment, my buildings are considerably less likely to burn to the ground during one of your visits if you are disoriented from being treated like a sultan.

-->'''Marcone''': Dresden. It's nice to see you alive. Your sense of humor, of course, remains unchanged, which is unsurprising, as it seems to have died in your adolescence. Presumably, it entered into a suicide pact with your manners.

* During that scene, Harry gets shocked speechless. Marcone... simply smiles.
--> '''Demeter''': It isn't polite to gloat.\\
'''Marcone''': I'm simply savoring the moment. If you really knew the man, you'd appreciate how rare this is.
* Harry's 'revenge' on Thomas for leaving him out of the loop.

** The whole meeting in general.
---> '''Thomas:''' ''[after attacking Harry]'' Give it up. It's a good act, but I know you aren't Harry Dresden. There's no way the real Dresden would have come here with a woman like that instead of his dog.\\
'''Harry:''' Now what the hell was that supposed to mean?

* Marcone telling Harry to say please. And then pretty please. With a cherry on top. Once he asks Harry to say pretty please with a cherry on top, Harry tells him 'fuck you' and hangs up.

-->'''Harry:''' What you found might be a big help. You did good. Thanks.\\

-->'''Lord Raith''': Unless, of course, our war heroes here lack the courage to withstand this utterly predictable response to their course of action. They are, of course, free to decline the challenge, should they feel themselves unable to face the consequences of their deeds.

-->''Dammit, Harry, ignore your penis before it gets you killed.''

-->"No force in the known universe can make a gang of folks naming their organization in Latin do much of anything on time. If they're all there by four, we'll know there's some kind of black magic involved."
* Harry describes the Deeps as "the place where my brother nearly got sacrificed by a trio of porn-star sorceresses".

-->Harry: "Right, forgot. When I met Cowl, you were in Hawaii with your boy toy."\\

She sighed. "My God, you're suck a whiner, Dresden."

** Ramirez loved women. Ramirez never shut up about women. Well, he never shut up about anything in general.

'''Ramirez''': I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a ''knife'' in my guts. And they ''match.''

She sighed. "My God, you're suck a whiner, Dresden."

* Harry describes the Deeps as "the place where my brother nearly got sacrificed by a trio of porn-star sorceresses".

** The best part? The Raiths [[ActuallyPrettyFunny laugh and cheer]]. Harry is [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame disturbed]].

** The best part? The Raiths [[ActuallyPrettyFunny laugh and cheer]]. Harry is [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame]].

'''Ramirez''': I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a ''knife'' in my guts. And they match.

-->Tonight you will be visited by three spirits," I announced. "The ghosts of indictment past, present, and future. They will teach you the true meaning of 'you are still a scumbag criminal.'"

--> '''Demeter''': "It isn't polite to gloat."\\
'''Marcone''': "I'm simply savoring the moment. If you really knew the man, you'd appreciate how rare this is."

--> '''Harry:''' Oh, sorry about that. Maybe I should have ''told you about a potentially dangerous situation'', huh? I mean, that would have been polite of me to warn you, right? And sensible. And intelligent. And respectful. And-
--> '''Thomas:''' I get it, I get it. (''he then smears garbage all over Harry's hands'')

--> '''Thomas:''' *''after attacking Harry''* Give it up. It's a good act, but I know you aren't Harry Dresden. There's no way the real Dresden would have come here with a woman like that instead of his dog.
--> '''Harry:''' Now what the hell was that supposed to mean?

--->'''Ramirez''': "Bloody hell. Harry. There's a ''knife'' in my leg. When did ''that'' happen?"\\
'''Harry''': "In the duel. Don't you remember?"\\
'''Ramirez''': "I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a ''knife'' in my guts. And they match."

--->'''Harry:'''"What you found might be a big help. You did good. Thanks."
---> She practically glowed. Once or twice, after a compliment, she'd ''literally'' glowed, but we'd gotten that under control within a month or two.

* A passing mention of Molly's early days as Harry's apprentice:
---> Once or twice, after a compliment, she'd ''literally'' glowed, but we'd gotten that under control within a month or two.

-->"No force in the known universe can make a gang of folks naming their organization in Latin do much of anything on time. If they're all there by four, we'll know there's some kind of black magic involved."

-->''Dammit, Harry, ignore your penis before it gets you killed.''

*** This happens during a scene where Molly does object reading on a corpse and, uh, [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean got something]]. Harry then sulks, commenting on how he never gets something that "nice" during a psychic investigation.

* Mouse watches the tiny dog Toto hop into a pet-carrier on top of Abby's rolling suitcase, and then looks plaintively at Harry, as if hoping ''he'' can get a ride in one too. There are ''horses'' smaller than Mouse.

* Harry telling Murphy to pick on someone her own size when she has Hendricks in an arm lock.

----> '''Marcone''': I am under no illusions about your fondness for myself and my business. I regard it as a preventative measure. In my judgment, my buildings are considerable less likely to burn to the ground during one of your visits if you are disoriented from being treated like a sultan.

* Mouse gets one when he watches the tiny dog Toto hop into the pet-carrier on top of Abby's rolling suitcase. And then looks at Harry, as if hoping ''he'' can get a ride in one too. (There are ''horses'' smaller than Mouse.)

* Mouse gets one when he watches the tiny dog Toto hop into the pet-carrier on top of Abby's rolling suitcase. And then looks at Harry, as if hoping ''he'' can get a ride in one too. There are ''ponies'' smaller than Mouse.

* [[PunctuatedForEmphasis "I. Am not. Yoda."]]

* Lara thinking that Harry brought Ramirez along as a gift for her.

* Harry telling Murphy to pick on someone her own size when she has Hendricks in an arm lock.