History Funny / UrinatingTreeTheHatersGuide

* The Arizona Coyotes will be the '''P[-ROPERTY OF THE SUN DEVILS-]''' next season as they're forced to vacate Gila River Arena, he once again says '''F[-UCK YOU-]''' to the Chicago Blackhawks just like last time, the Montreal Canadiens' plummet from making the Finals the previous season to dead last in the league was '''P[-URE IMMOLATION-]''', the Ottawa Senators are told '''Y[-OU'RE FREE-]''' with owner Eugene Melnyk no more, the Philadelphia Flyers have been labeled as '''D[-UNNING-KRUGER: THE FRANCHISE-]''' after another disastrous season they were expected to rebound from, '''D[-EATH AWAITS-]''' the San Jose Sharks after another crappy season with their contract-happy squad, and the Vegas Golden Knights '''D[-REW 22 AT BLACKJACK-]''' after they missed the postseason for the first time.

* The Arizona Coyotes will be the '''P[-ROPERTY OF THE SUN DEVILS-]''' next season as they're forced to vacate Gila River Arena, he once again says '''F[-UCK YOU-]''' to the Chicago Blackhawks just like last time, the Montreal Canadiens' plummet from making the Finals the previous season to dead last in the league was '''P[-URE IMMOLATION-]''', the Ottawa Senators are told '''Y[-OU'RE FREE-]''' with owner Eugene Melnyk no more, the Philadelphia Flyers were predicted by some to be a playoff team but they were the furthest thing from it, which leads them to be labeled as '''D[-UNNING-KRUGER: THE FRANCHISE-]''', '''D[-EATH AWAITS-]''' the San Jose Sharks after another crappy season with their contract-happy squad, and the Vegas Golden Knights '''D[-REW 22 AT BLACKJACK-]''' after they missed the postseason for the first time.

* In the wake of Stephen' Ross shenanigans, the Miami Dolphins think their '''T[-ITLE WAS TAMPERED WITH-]''', the New York Jets are starting the season with quite a few players '''O[-UT WITH KNEE INJURIES-]''', the Baltimore Ravens have entered '''T[-HE HEALING CHAMBER-]''' after their obscene slew of injuries last season, the Pittsburgh Steelers are likely on course for '''A[-NOTHER FLUKE 9-WIN SEASON-]''', the Houston Texans watch as ownership '''L[-AUGHS IN BUTTCHIN-]''', the Jacksonville Jaguars hope to make '''A[-N URBAN RECOVERY-]''' after once again being the worst team in the league, the Denver Broncos are introduced with a bronco's neigh as he declares '''B[-RONCOS COUNTRY: LET'S WRITHE!-]''', the Los Angeles Chargers have '''L[-ITTLE BROTHER SYNDROME-]''' having to share a stadium with a team that just won the Super Bowl, and he suggests the Las Vegas Raiders '''N[-O, MOVE AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!-]'''.

* As the favorites to win the Stanley Cup entering the postseason, Tree warns the Colorado Avalanche '''D[-ON'T FUCK THIS UP-]''', the Nashville Predators are '''N[-OT TOO GOOD RIGHT NOW-]''' with Pekka Rinne no more, the Los Angeles Kings can take solace in the fact that they are '''N[-OT THE LAKERS-]''', '''V[-INNIE PAUL WEEPS-]''' for the Dallas Stars, the Florida Panthers have a chance to see '''A [-LITERAL SUNRISE?-]''', the Washington Capitals are having a '''2[-016 REUNION TOUR-]''', and the Pittsburgh Penguins are in '''P[-ALLIATIVE CARE-]'''.

!![[AC:The Haters Guyde to the 2022 Stanley Cup Final]]

* '''"LIGHTNING IN THREE" SADLY NOW HAS A NEW MEANING"'''. Everything comes back to the Tampa Bay Lightning. Tree continues to walk back his mockery of their 2019 washout under a screenshot of his contemporary mocking tweet. The meme economy that should've been giving way to "the Tampa Bay Lightning lording over us all" even without Brayden Point during the Playoffs. Back in the Finals despite losing one of their best performing lines the previous offseason. And how a Lightning three-peat would mean four straight for one Patrick Maroon.

* '''"LIGHTNING IN THREE" SADLY NOW AHS A NEW MEANING"'''. Everything comes back to the Tampa Bay Lightning. Tree continues to walk back his mockery of their 2019 washout under a screenshot of his contemporary mocking tweet. The meme economy that should've been giving way to "the Tampa Bay Lightning lording over us all" even without Brayden Point during the Playoffs. Back in the Finals despite losing one of their best performing lines the previous offseason. And how a Lightning three-peat would mean four straight for one Patrick Maroon.

* The Arizona Coyotes will be the '''P[-ROPERTY OF THE SUN DEVILS-]''' next season as they're forced to vacate Gila River Arena, he once again says '''F[-UCK YOU-]''' to the Chicago Blackhawks just like last time, the Montreal Canadiens' plummet from making the Finals the previous season to dead last in the league was '''P[-URE IMMOLATION-]''', the Ottawa Senators are told YOU'RE FREE with owner Eugene Melnyk being no more, the Philadelphia Flyers were predicted by some to be a playoff team but they were the furthest thing from it, which leads them to be labeled as '''D[-UNNING-KRUGER: THE FRANCHISE-]''', '''D[-EATH AWAITS-]''' the San Jose Sharks after another crappy season with their contract-happy squad, and the Vegas Golden Knights '''D[-REW 22 AT BLACKJACK-]''' after they missed the postseason for the first time.

!![[AC:The Haters Guide to the 2022 NBA Finals]]
* The Charlotte Hornets are stuck in '''P[-ERPETUAL FUTILITY-]''', the Los Angeles Clippers are a mess of '''S[-TERLING SHITTINESS-]''', the Minnesota Timberwolves' shortcoming in the first round leaves them labeled the '''M[-INNESOTA TIMBERMIDS-]''', the Utah Jazz have an '''E[-XPIRED TRIAL MEMBERSHIP-]''' with another early exit, he asks the Brooklyn Nets '''D[-ID YOU REALLY ESCAPE?-]''', the Chicago Bulls were dealt a '''P[-AMPLONA-STYLE GORING-]''', as the Toronto Raptors are disposed of he says '''I [-SEE A COMET...-]''', he suggests the Phoenix Suns to '''S[-ELL THE TEAM, SARVER-]''', he says '''D[-ON'T CRY FOR THEM, HINKIE-]''' in the wake of the Philadelphia 76ers being disposed of, and the Miami Heat had a '''C[-ORE MELTDOWN-]''' with a return to the Finals looming.

* The Baltimore Orioles' have the unenviable stat of '''B[-EST DEFENDER-]: L[-EFT FIELD WALL-]''', Tree demands once again that the Rays '''M[-OVE TO-] T[-AMPA-]''' after their half-baked Montreal plan was rejected, the Blue Jays were finally '''D[-EFECTING FROM-] A[-MERICA-]''' after spending a lot of time away from Canada, Tree is mocking the Cleveland Guardians for having their logo look like the '''W[-INDOWS 95 [[VideoGame/AfterDarkBerkeleySystems FLYING TOASTER]]-]''', the Tigers are working their way to being a '''S[-LOWLY-RELEVANT FRANCHISE-]'' after spending some much-needed money at last, Tree still refuses to refer Minnesota's team by their actual name while telling them '''I[-F AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED...-]''', the Angels were actually a '''D[-EVIL IN ANGEL'S ATTIRE-]''', legal troubles for a proposed new stadium and a recent fire sale had resulted in the A's' '''H[-OWARD-] T[-ERMINAL ILLNESS-]''', the Rangers have let off some '''G[-OVERNMENT GUNSMOKE-]''' making some big-money moves, Tree is wondering "'''H[-OW DO THEY FUCK THIS UP?-]'''" about the Mets, '''T[-HE COST ADDED ANOTHER CRACK-]''' to the Phillies' Liberty Bell, the Nationals were asking "'''A[-NYONE GOT A STRAIGHTENER-]?'''", the flag of the Cubs transitioned '''F[-ROM A-] "W" [-TO A RED CIRCLE-]''', the Reds have '''T[-RADED DOWN THE-] O[-HIO-] R[-IVER-]''', the Brewers '''H[-EADED TO A CAVE TO FIND BATS-]''', Tree acknowledges that his hometown Pirates are an '''I[-RRELEVANT FRANCHISE-]''', there will be '''N[-O BASEBALL FOR OLD MEN-]''' after the Cardinals' run with their aging veterans, the Diamondbacks were '''S[-NAKEBITTEN-]''' after that abysmal last season, the Rockies have the '''B[-EST BAR IN-] D[-ENVER-]''' so that their fans could drink away the misery, and the Giants believe that people are '''S[-LEEPING ON-] S[-AN-] F[-RANCISCO-]'''.

* The Baltimore Orioles' have the unenviable stat of '''B[-EST DEFENDER-]: L[-EFT FIELD WALL-]''', Tree demands once again that the Rays '''M[-OVE TO-] T[-AMPA-]''' after their half-baked Montreal plan was rejected, the Blue Jays were finally '''D[-EFECTING FROM-] A[-MERICA-]''' after spending a lot of time away from Canada, Tree is mocking the Cleveland Guardians for having their logo look like the '''W[-INDOWS 95 [[VideoGame/AfterDarkBerkeleySystems FLYING TOASTER]]-]''', the Tigers are working their way to being a '''S[-LOWLY-RELEVANT FRANCHISE-]'' after spending some much-needed money at last, Tree still refuses to refer Minnesota's team by their actual name while telling them '''I[-F AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED...-]''', the Angels were actually a '''D[-EVIL IN ANGEL'S ATTIRE-]''', legal troubles for a proposed new stadium and a recent fire sale had resulted in the A's' '''H[-OWARD-] T[-ERMINAL ILLNESS-]''', the Rangers have let off some '''G[-OVERNMENT GUNSMOKE-]''' making some big-money moves,

* Bring on the nicknames! The Buffalo Sabres' dreadful season has Tree asking '''W[-HERE'S-] K[-IM?-]''', the New York Rangers are having '''F[-UN-] W[-ITH-] J[-AMES-] D[-OLAN-]''', the Philadelphia Flyers' big time failure after preseason speculation of legit Cup contention has him doing an [[Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia Always Sunny]] take as '''T[-HE-] G[-ANG-] E[-XPERIENCES-] E[-XISTENTIAL-] D[-READ-]''', Tree requests the Chicago Blackhawks '''R[-EPORT-] T[-O-] T[-SAR-] B[-OWMAN-]''', after the Dallas Stars go from making the finals the past season to not making the playoffs at all thanks in part to injuries they're an '''I[-NFIRMARY-] W[-ARD-]''', he asks the Ottawa Senators if they have a '''B[-ETTER-] F[-UTURE-] T[-HAN-] T[-RUDEADU?-]''', the Vancouver Canucks are facing a '''J[-ULY-] 1[-ST-]: D[-AY-] O[-F-] R[-ECKONING-]''', the Anaheim Ducks have '''O[-RGANIZATIONAL-] S[-HOVELWARE!-]''', and the San Jose Sharks are '''H[-OCKEY-]'[-S-] "J[-AWS-] 3[-D-]"'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastrous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault scandal leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging squad in Dallas are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Pekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Vancouver Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''' of front office and coaching changes, the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastrous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault scandal leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Pekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Vancouver Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''' of front office and coaching changes, the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Dolphins' Stephen Ross told ex-HC Brian Flores "'''I'[-LL-] [[Series/TrailerParkBoys PAY YOU $100K TO FUCK OFF]]'''", the Jets still have a bad habit to '''E[-LIMINATE EXPLOSIVE GASSES-]''', the Ravens' midseason injury-induced collapse had their '''A[-MBITIONS-] L[-AMARRED-]''', Mayfield changed the Browns' occupation to make their home town the '''B[-AKERY OF-] S[-ADNESS-]''', the Texans' continuing bad decisions is proof that '''G[-OD IS AN ASSHOLE-]''', the Colts were cursed with '''N[-O LUCK FOR ENDING-] L[-UCK-]''', the Jaguars remained a circus act known as '''B[-ARNUM AND-] B[-AALKE'S GREATEST SHITSHOW-]''', the Broncos cried out "'''M[-Y [[Theatre/RichardIII KINGDOM FOR A CHECKDOWN]]-]'''", Tree still insisted to the Chargers that "'''Y[-OU DON'T BELONG HERE-]'''" in Los Angeles, yet another bad season ensured that the Giants were '''J[-UDGE'S EXECUTIONER-]''', what is now the widely-mocked Washington Commanders was heralded with "'''H[-AIL TO THE-] R[-ESKINS-]'''", years of bad decisions have left the Bears playing on '''T[-HE FIELDS OF RUIN-]''', Stafford winning the Super Bowl at last under the Rams meant the Lions got '''F[-RIENDZONED BY-] L[-OMBARDI-]''', what's left for the Viking's funeral of bad luck was to '''P[-REPARE THE PYRE-]''', the Falcons tendency to win in clutch moments are an effort to '''B[-URY THE PAST-]''', the Panthers are going through yet another rebuild because '''K[-ITTY GETS POACHED-]''', the heartbreak of barely missing postseason through injuries and the inevitable Cap Hell ensured that the Saints perform '''L[-AST RITES-]''', and the ailing Seahawks were left '''S[-HIFTLESS IN-] S[-EATTLE-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastrous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault scandal leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Pekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''', the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastorous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault scandal leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Pekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''', the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastorous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault allegations leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Pekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''', the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastorous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault allegations leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators evoking memories of Peekka Rinne has Tree wondering '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''', the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and the Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Arizona Coyotes' blatant tanking is simply a '''B[-LIGHT FOR-] W[-RIGHT-]''', Calgary has found '''S[-ECURITY-] I[-N-] F[-LAMES-]''', the Chicago Blackhawks' shameful and disastorous handling of the Kyle Beach sexual assault allegations leads Tree to intro them simply with '''F[-UCK-] Y[-OU-]''', the aging Dallas Stars are trying to get back to the postseason in '''G[-RANDPA-] S[-TAR'S-] O[-LD-] J[-ALOPY-]''', the Edmonton Oilers' recent struggles has Tree asking '''"W[-HY- ARE YOU SO PISSY-], L[-EON-]?"''', Juuse Saros' performances for the Nashville Predators has Tree asking '''D[-O-] I D[-ARE-] T[-EMPT-] F[-ATE-]?''', the Seattle Kraken's logo is explained '''T[-HE-] "S" I[-S-] F[-OR-] S[-UCKS-]''', the Canucks' early season struggles led to '''T[-HE-] P[-REDICTABLE-] O[-UTCOME-]''', the Vegas Golden Knights' increasing desperation in their acquisitions has Tree suggesting '''C[-ALL-] 1-800-GAMBLER''', and Winnipeg Jets' struggles and front office turmoil has them '''W[-INNIPEGGED-] F[-OR-] L[-AYOFFS-]'''.

* The Sabres once again imploding after a strong start has kept Buffalo '''B[-ILLS-] C[-OUNTRY-]''', the Detroit Red Wings slow but steady on-ice improvement shows signs of '''T[-HE-] W[-HEELS OF-] C[-HANGE-]''' moving, the Florida Panthers' impressive season is thanks to '''S[-UNRISE'S-] N[-UCLEAR-] A[-RSENAL-]''', while the Montreal Canadiens' disastorous run has Tree reading '''A F[-RENCH-]-C[-ANADIAN-] E[-ULOGY-]''', the New Jersey Devils' struggling again is just more '''J[-ERSEY-]. F[-UCKING-] J[-ERSEY-]''', the New Yor Islanders' offensive struggles is a case of '''D[-IET-] O[-FFENSE-]: Z[-ERO-] G[-OALS-]''', the Ottawa Senators like their hometown is dealing with an '''NHL T[-RUCK-] C[-ONVOY-]''', and the Philadelphia Flyers' preseason promise turns out to be '''B[-ROAD-] S[-TREET-] B[-ULLSHIT-]'''.