History Funny / TheSecretWorld

* On Solomon Island, you meet Old Joseph, a Wabenaki elder with considerable magical knowledge. You help him discover that the Filth has leaked into the spirit world and corrupted the Wabenaki's ancestor-spirits. Joseph conducts a ritual that will let you enter the spirit world so you can purge the Filth and save the ancestors, but his knowledge has limits. Part of this ritual involves gathering some gruesome ingredients (A Wendigo's eyeballs, the ashes of several spectres, strange herbs, and a feather off of a Wabenaki zombie), burning them as incense and inhaling the fumes. This represents the outer limit of Joseph's knowledge - just because he knows how to do the ritual doesn't mean he's ever had to do it before.

** The Buzzing actually seems to be fond of [[DoNotAdjustYourSet hijacking the player's text messages]], since it also does this at the end of the Templars and Dragon campaigns, complete with {{Snark}}ing about their factions:

--> [[StarWars Great shot, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home.]]

* During much of the Issue #16 content, you're infiltrating the Morninglight compound...in an area with no cell phone service and without the knowledge of your superiors. The moment you're back online, [[RealityEnsues it turns out your superiors were asking for help with something in Antarctica all mission]], and your handler ''actually personally goes over to South Africa'' to tell you how ''pissed'' they are. (Except, of course, for [[spoiler:Daimon]], who guesses at what was going on and finds the frustration of the faction ''hilarious,'' once he figures out what's going on - [[spoiler:before then, he [[NotSoAboveItAll is spamming "Pickup" into your text messages]] and eventually making empty(?) threats about killing your family if you don't stop driving him up a wall]]).

* Fans had long requested similar features to London at the other faction hubs, or at least a bank. The arguments against a bank branch were mostly in-character: As an essentially Templar institution, The Dragon and Illuminati wouldn't let them that close to their HQs. In the most recent update (at the time of writing), bankers were added not just at the other faction hubs, but deep inside each faction's HQ. However, their treatment is less than welcoming. The banker in New York is flanked by four security guards looking ''inward''. The Dragon is more passive-aggressive about it, making the Seoul banker sit on a lawn chair in the temple courtyard, in the perpetual rain, without an umbrella.

---->'''Usher:''': The first time you get bricked in is probably the worst time, eh?
---->'''Montag:''': From my research? It seems each time begins a claustrophobic eternity anew.
---->'''Usher:''': Yer' like the world's revenge on sarcasm, d'you know that?

--> "This fracas is going to cost. Not us, of course; we'll find a way to turn the country's devastation to a loss leader. TooSoon? Don't think of me as heartless: it's shriveled to the size of a walnut, but I still have it rattling around here ''somewhere..."''

---->'''Usher:''': I would think the first time yer' bricked in is probably the worst time.
---->'''Montag:''': In my experience each time begins a new session of claustrophobic terror.

--->

---> (About an EvilSorcerer) "The Academy had absolutely no truck with his creations! (beat) Initially. (beat) During his life."

--> (The Rogue Groundskeeper) I completely approve of both drinking at work and also using it to summon and destroy horrible creatures trapped between life and death. Just be glad it doesn't work everywhere or Jersey would be full of screaming banshees.
--> (The Organ Smugglers) The only time I've ever woken up in a bathtub was when I made the Sultan of Brunei fill a bathtub with diamonds. I wouldn't recommend it - diamonds are harder than rock salt and they have a way of [[AssShove finding their way into all sorts of cavities]]. I was nervous in airports for the next 6 months.
--> (The Lantern Man) I think the Templars still rent out their chained Rakshasa for cosmetic testing. Imagine a room full of those faces made up like Martha Stewart. Great, I'm due for a skin peel later on, and now all I'm going to think about is Martha Stewart.

--> Bolon Yok,te What? Did you not get the ocpmay-wide memo about the holiday party/ uGH. i'M [=ASSming=] youd did good out there. Which means I didn good. bottoms up!

--> The error that the other server returned was: KG_office_party_open_bar_ciao_ciao Unrouteable address (state 16)

** "As I would tell parents- before I was retired from the reparation committee- you cannot vivisect a ghoul without breaking a few legs!"
** "A thorough investigation will follow, as soon as we have appointed new staff [[DisposingOfABody and dissolved their predecessors' corpses]]."
** (About an EvilSorcerer) "The Academy had absolutely no truck with his creations! (beat) Initially. (beat) During his life."
** "We possess an Illuminati [[FleshGolem War Golem]] from the 1600s... [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial purely for reference purposes.]]"
** In the intro to "Science and the Arts."
-->'''Montag:''' It is has been said that there is a skeleton in every closet here at Innsmouth. [[FalseReassurance That is simply not true]]: ''they were laid into the very foundation walls.'' The basement might ''bleed'' if you chipped beneath the plaster.
-->'''Carter:''' That's a figure of speech, right?
-->'''Usher:''' I'm sorry, Carter.
-->'''Carter:''' Oh my God, have you ''ever'' heard of a white lie?

--->'''Usher:''': I would think the first time yer' bricked in is probably the worst time.
--->'''Montag:''': In my experience each time begins a new session of claustrophobic terror.
--->'''Usher:''': Yer' like the world's revenge on sarcasm, d'you know that?

-->'''Montag:''' We have all seen the reanimated corpses of recently-deceased staff, felt pathos at those [[{{Squick}} once-great minds leaking from vacant orbits...]]
-->'''Carter:''' I think I'm going to be sick.
** "No running in the halls! The floors are quite slick with blood."

** "Ever banished a minor deity? Could be downright educational for you, a real opportunity; I should charge for this. (beat) Alright, it's on the house. [[BlatantLies You're killing me.]]"
** "This fracas is going to cost. Not us, of course; we'll find a way to turn the country's devastation to a loss leader. TooSoon? Don't think of me as heartless: it's shriveled to the size of a walnut, but I still have it rattling around here ''somewhere..."''
** "Well then, I thought we might treat ourselves to an ice-lolly after the meeting..."

* Richard Sonnac, the Templar contact, frequently lays on the [[DeadpanSnarker snark]] in his replies after mission reports(paraphrased):
-->'''Sonnac''': This investigation is something you might like to pursue when you have no other priorities. ({{Beat}}) By the way, you have other priorities.
-->'''Sonnac''':(via text message) I believe this impersonal mode of communication perfectly conveys my lack of surprise at the Illuminati's folly. Who would have thought that stockpiling flesh constructs could possibly backfire?

--> If... If I were to make a word for word translation of my master's outburst, [[BrownNote your bowels would boil and the walls would bleed]]. Instead let me just say that Inbeda would be happy to string every member of the Jingu Clan on a single length of barbed wire - in the mouth and out the anus - [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon to form a crude human centipede which he would use as a mount]]. The samurai and the Oni... [[{{Understatement}} they do not get along]].

--> Further developments in Tokyo. The military is maintaining a heavily guarded perimeter around the site of last month's terrorist attack. The Japanese government has stated that a [[BlatantLies totally benevolent cult]] has released the Black Worm Jism into the Tokyo Subway, ushering in the Dreaming Ones who will tear down the wet tissue walls of our sanity. Although the area has been evacuated there have been eye witness reports of the military systematically killing off civilians. Authorities have denied everything, [[EyeScream plucked out their own jellied eyes]] and begun feasting on the corpses of the innocent.
** Another funny moment: When John first begins fast-forwarding through the player's memories of Solomon Island, he pauses when he gets to a memory of [[TheCorrupter Che Garcia]], expresses surprise that the player has actually met Che... And then immediately begins fast-forwarding again, apparently wanting to get to the [[BossBattle interesting parts.]]

-->No swimming with guns from the shooting range.
-->Open sores and/or oozing pustules must be covered before entering the pool.
-->[[CaptainObvious Avoid drowning if possible]]. If you are unable to avoid drowning, [[BlackComedy be advised that your body]] [[DisposingOfABody will be dumped in the harbor]].
-->The management of the Clubhouse would like to thank you for respecting the rules, and would like to advise that by choosing to use this pool you acknowledge that there may be significant risks to your mental and physical health. [[note]] Incidentally, the pool is filled with enormous bubbles of Filth by the time you arrive[[/note]]

--> '''For the Templars:'''
--> TRANSMIT - initiate booster signal - RECEIVE - sweetling!
--> Mr Sonnac is sitting tight, drumming along to in the air tonight. Mr Noble, Mr Right, Mr "Quote Some Ancient Knight." Well we can use citations too: "Oogabooga" - the boogeyman is coming through!
--> WITNESS - encouragement. Don't be huffy because we hack. The Buzzing appreciates all you do. Now chop-chop, before we drop.
--> '''For the Dragon:'''
--> TRANSMIT - initiate tenderness signal - RECEIVE - sweetling!
--> Dragon reports enter the connected carousel: they spin and spin, yang and yin, until routed to some IP - never the same he or she - rinse, repeat, the chaos beat... But today all of Seoul is mystified, their access to you has been denied.
--> WITNESS - encouragement. Don't be huffy because we hack. The Buzzing appreciates all you do. Can't we be a ripple too?

* The reveal of how Säid got his lucky charm in the first place - his younger self steals it from the player just as they're about to return to the present.

* During "The Bank Heist", Daimon Kiyota has you rob an important item from, where else, an abandoned bank...and once you're in, he starts giving you some ''[[CloudCuckoolander unique]]'' instructions, such as tearing off a security bot's arm to access the network, cartwheeling to thwart a laser wall, and his grand scheme of thwarting the pressure plates...''moonwalking''. [[ItAmusedMe At the end of it, he admits to recording the security feed to post on YouTube]]. Even better, if you work for the Illuminati, Geary is ''absolutely furious'' you didn't actually take any money in the process of bank theft, [[CardCarryingVillain because it reflects poorly on her image as greedy scum.]]

* The reveal of how Säid got his lucky charm in the first place - his younger self steals it from the player just as they're about to return to the present.

-->'''Shani''': He told me, if I truly want to understand humanity, I need only read [[{{Troll}} the comments]] [[FlameWar section on]] {{YouTube}}. I ''hate'' the Internet.

* The 'mission completed' message from the Templars for "The City Before Us" has Sonnac - serious, dignified Sonnac - making a comment about "get[ting] back on track" to stop the Atenists. And then pointing it out.

-->what a way to go. not with a bang but playing solitaire waiting for the infection to take over

** Pretty much ''everything'' Säid and Nassir say to each other in the final mission-chain of Last Train to Cairo is hilarious.

* During much of the Issue #16 content, you're infiltrating the Morninglight compound...in an area with no cell phone service and without the knowledge of your superiors. The moment you're back online, [[RealityEnsues it turns out your superiors were asking for help with something in Antarctica all mission]], and your handler ''actually personally goes over to South Africa'' to tell you how ''pissed'' they are. (Except, of course, for [[spoiler:Daimon]], who guesses at what was going on and finds the frustration of the faction ''hilarious,'' once he figures out what's going on - [[spoiler:before then, he [[NotSoAboveItAll is spamming "Pickup" into your text messages]] and eventually making empty(?) threats about killing your family if you don't stop driving him up a wall]]).

* During much of the Issue #16 content, you're infiltrating the Morninglight compound...in an area with no cell phone service and without the knowledge of your superiors. The moment you're back online, [[RealityEnsues it turns out your superiors were asking for help with something in Antarctica all mission]], and your handler ''actually personally goes over to South Africa'' to tell you how ''pissed'' they are. (Except, of course, for [[spoiler:Daimon]], who guesses at what was going on and finds the frustration of the faction ''hilarious'').

* From ''Legends'', in the new Agartha Bazaar, an Illuminati Gofer stands across from the Templar delegation giving them [[FlippingTheBird the Italian salute]].