History Funny / Prototype2

--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''' (''after watching Heller consume the Goliath'') FUCK ME!! The subject, he... he just... HOLY FUCK!!! DID ANYONE ELSE FUCKING SEE THAT?!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!

--> '''Starnes''': You know, some infected chicks are still pretty hot if you put a bag over their heads.
--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''': Starnes, for the ''life'' of me, I dunno how you passed the psych profile.

--> '''Starnes''': Dude, [[ComedicSociopathy I shot this guy yesterday]], and I swear to god he looked ''just'' like Jimmy Fallon! I mean it wasn't Fallon but I mean, he looked ''just'' like him!
--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''': Photo or it didn't happen.
--> '''Starnes''': Ha, yeah, shit. Celebrity headshots man. Ah! Ah! Get it? Headshots! You know, they have them-
--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''': Shut the fuck up Starnes.

-->'''[[spoiler:Mercer]]:''' (''completely unfazed and with accompanying 'fear' pose'') Ooh, ''scary.''

--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''': [[BigOmg Oh my GOD]]! Subject has just ripped off our rockets! Repeat: subject has stolen our TOW!
--> '''Dr. Bellamy''': Well, get it back! [[CaptainObvious We need that!]]
--> '''Blackwatch Soldier''': Will you just...JESUS! Just sit the [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] down!

--> '''Riley''': Corporal Rand Baker: for consistent display and embodiment of the organization's core tenets, you are hereby awarded the Blackwatch Iron Star and all associated benefits, compensation and standings. Congratulations, soldier.
--> '''Crowd''': *wild applause*
--> '''Baker''': Just doing my duty, sir.

--> '''Scientist''': How could you let him in here? What the hell are we paying you people for? [[RefugeInAudacity Why don't you just go bomb a third world country or something?!]]

--> '''Soldier 1:''' "Finally, after a week of fighting zombies and big hulking virus monsters from hell, we finally got normal watch duty."
--> '''Soldier 2:''' "Yeah. Standing on a rooftop, looking at the city, no undead walking around to eat you, no virus coming to whack you. Peace and quiet… [[TemptingFate and Normal.]]"
--> [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment [The two soldiers see a corpse flying through the air]]]
--> '''Soldiers:''' [[DoubleTake "What the fuck?!"]]
--> [[BloodyHilarious [Corpse explodes on street below]]]
--> '''Soldiers:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe "Dammit. Back to work!"]]

--> '''Blackwatch Soldier:''' "Ho-- Holy shit, dude. You been workin' out?"
-->'''Heller:''' "[[ImAHumanitarian I eat a lot of protein.]]"

--> '''Pilot:''' "Doctor Carson, we’re ready for your pickup, but we can’t land until the, uh, disturbance on the ground is dealt with. Over."
-->'''Heller (as himself):''' "Roger th—(clears throat).”
-->'''Heller (as Doctor Carson):''' "Roger that. Let’s just hope someone can save our wuss asses from whatever the fuck is going on out there.”
-->'''Pilot:''' "Uh, right… Over and out.”

-->'''Firehawk Commander:''' "Red Crown, this is Bishop. We've lost all of the Firehawk units. The operation is a failure. Over."
-->'''Heller:''' "Damn straight it's a failure, just like you were to your momma, asshole."

-->'''Guerra:''' (''[[DirtyBusiness reluctantly]]'') James, did you...did you kill those scientists?\\
'''Heller:''' (''brusquely'') [[LackOfEmpathy Yep]]. By the way...

--> '''Heller''': I'm at the computer, what do I press?
--> '''Guerra''': First you need to --
--> '''Heller''': I'm pressing the red button. Shit. Now the screen's all fucked up. Shit's broken.
--> '''Guerra''': Okay, press the alternate key. "A.L.T." Alternate --
--> '''Heller''': Alt? There's no fucking alt. I got a fucking squiggly line key, I got a fucking key with a triangle on it -- what the fuck kind of keyboard is this anyway?

--> '''Guerra''': Don't forget to log off!\\

(''Heller walks away'')\\

-->'''Guerra''': Watch out, y-you may need to --
-->'''Heller''': (''interrupts'') Dress up like a Blackwatch bitch to get in? I know the drill.

-->"Brah, have you been hearing all the rumors? This Heller guy, dude, they say he can get into anywhere. Like, he can turn invisible and shit."
-->""Well, then how's he do it, brah? How's he get inside these places? He just shows up!"
-->"Shit, sendin' 'em here? That's a big mistake, brah. Heller finds out about this, he'll try to get in and fuck those tanks up."
-->"Look brah, I don't feel good about those victors comin' here."
-->"Whatever. You're the boss, brah."

-->'''Heller''': This asshole says "brah" one more time, I'll break his fucking jaw. Well, might do that anyway.
-->'''SGT Emery [=McDonald=]''': If you don't quit calling me "brah", I'm going to bust you right in your fucking face.

-->(James Heller ascends the helicopter)\\

(If Heller waits around at maximum altitude)\\

(The helicopter crashes onto the ground, killing the three New Templar Scientists)\\

'''Southpaw''': (without missing a beat) [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Yeah, that happens a lot around here.]] Okay, New Four One…

-->'''[[spoiler:Mercer]]:''' "Can't you understand what I'm doing? Humanity is stagnant! ''Dying''! I would give it one body! One mind! Think about it! No more conflict! No more disease! No more suffering! Don't you see? I'm giving it a ''second chance''!"
-->'''Heller:'''[[https://youtu.be/n5C6949uTDA "'''ENOUGH''' of your fucking ''weird'', fucking ''rambling'' '''SHIT!'''"]]

-->'''Blackwatch soldier:''' "Holy shit! Red Crown! Heller just ''ate'' one of the Juggernauts... and now he's got control of the others!"
-->'''Red Crown:''' "Confirmed, Fortress One. Your mission is unchanged."
-->'''Blackwatch soldier:''' I KNOW THE MISSION IS UNCHANGED I'M JUST '''FUCKING''' TELLING YOU!"

-->'''Blackwatch soldier:''' Patterson, move your ass! They're right behind you!"
-->'''Patterson:''' ''(slightly exhasperated, as though he forgot his car keys)'' "Ah, fuck."
-->''[[UnfriendlyFire *gunfire*]]''

--> '''Starnes''': Ha, yeah, shit. Celebrity headshots man. Ah! Ah! Get it? Headshots! You know they have them-

--> '''Starnes''': I swear you guy this morning I shot an infected that looked ''exactly'' like Jimmy Fallon!

--> '''Starnes''': Celebrity headshots, man!

'''Scientist 2:''' Er, um, oh... ha ha. You know [[BadLiar we were just kidding about New Templar, right? It's not about sterilizing the lower classes, that's, erum, quite appalling! It's about, errrum…]]\\

-->“Our vaccines aggressively attack your infected organs. GenTek: keeping you safe!”

—> “ Our vaccines aggressively attack your infected organs. GenTek: keeping you safe!”

--> '''[[spoiler: Dr. Koenig]]''': [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Commander, don't you DARE let him eat you!]]

* "The Doctor is out, motherfucker!" Says James to an Evolved who attacks a helicopter he's is in while masquerading as the doctor they were after.

** Note the conversation doesn't reveal anything, and we aren't told the guy is important, it's just a drunk asshole tank commander [[DoNotTauntCthulhu prank-calling Dana and Heller]] to insult her and his mom respectively. Dana forwards the message to Heller, and you get an entire mission to go murder him.

"At least all I gotta worry about is some Evolved fish.

--> '''Heller''': I'm pressing the red button. Shit. Now the screen's all fucked up.

--> Soldier 1: "Finally, after a week of fighting zombies and big hulking virus monsters from hell, we finally got normal watch duty."
--> Soldier 2: "Yeah. Standing on a rooftop, looking at the city, no undead walking around to eat you, no virus coming to whack you. Peace and quiet… [[TemptingFate and Normal.]]"

--> Soldiers: [[DoubleTake "What the fuck?!"]]

--> Soldiers: [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe "Dammit. Back to work!"]]

* During the mission to destroy the Whitelight barrels, it's possible to try to throw the barrel into the incinerator and miss completely, flinging the barrel into the bay.
-->'''Heller''': Yeah! Fuck you, Mother Nature!

-->[[https://youtu.be/n5C6949uTDA '''Heller:''' "'''ENOUGH''' of your fucking ''weird'', fucking ''rambling'' '''SHIT!'''"]]

** Firehawk Commander: Red Crown, this is Bishop. We've lost all of the Firehawk units. The operation is a failure. Over.
** Heller: Damn straight it's a failure, just like you were to your momma, asshole.

-->'''Heller''': Great. Lost that [[SmugSuper dick]] [[{{Jerkass}} Roland]]--gained this [[DoubleEntendre dick]] [[FreudWasRight monster]].

-->'''Heller:''' "'''ENOUGH''' of your fucking ''weird'', fucking ''rambling'' '''SHIT!'''"

* The Infected Heller skin [[GameplayAndStoryIntegration actually changes Heller's dialogue into zombie-like hisses and growls]], which means that characters will casually converse with him [[TheUnintelligble while he snarls at them]].

* The Infected Heller skin [[GameplayAndStoryIntegration actually changes Heller's dialogue into zombie-like hisses and growls]], which means that characters will casually converse with him [[IntelligibleUnintelligble while he snarls at them]].