History Funny / NineHoursNinePersonsNineDoors

--->'''Junpei''': Hey, did you see that action movie that came out last week?\\

'''Junpei''': Actually, it's pretty good if you have some [[{{Pun}} pot]].

** There are several meme references in this room too, for some reason, such as "[[WesternAnimation/TheLegendOfZelda Well, excuuuuse me, Princess!]]" and "[[Film/TheDarkKnight Why so serious?]]"

** The flight of stairs that's perfect for looking up skirts. What makes it hilarious is that Santa asks for Clover, not June. FridgeBrilliance sets in if you recall that June is Santa's ''sister''.

** The flight of stairs that's perfect for [[PantyShot looking up skirts]]. What makes it hilarious is that Santa asks for Clover, not June. FridgeBrilliance sets in if you recall that June is Santa's ''sister''.

[[/folder]]

** In a similar vein, the "Lotus Symbol" after the first set of doors. Junpei and Seven have fun with it.

'''Junpei:''' Oh, uh, no... I'm, uh, I'm sorry...

--->'''Seven''': Hey, Junpei! There's dihydrogen monoxide on this shelf!\\

'''Junpei''': (...And that's why I have no friends.)\\

!!Examples

** If you're into BlackComedy, examining the video camera after messing with the monitors has Junpei sticking his hand in front of the camera, making it appear on the monitors behind him. [[spoiler:Clover]]'s remark?

** The flight of stairs that's perfect for [[PantyShot looking up skirts]]. What makes it hilarious is that Santa asks for Clover, not June. Actually FridgeBrilliance: [[spoiler:June is Santa's ''sister''.]]

--> '''Lotus''': Now get on with it and be a man or June will leave you!

* "Santa looked especially shocked to discover he was actually someone else." This is said when [[spoiler:Junpei tricks Ace into revealing that he can't recognize faces in the "Safe" ending.]]
* [[spoiler:Clover's DrivesLikeCrazy moment in the True end.]]
** [[spoiler: And Junpei retaping Ace when he continues to the philosophical part of his MotiveRant.]]

* The numerous "[[Franchise/TheSimpsons talking time is over now]]" moments one character receives during the True End.
* Santa refusing to go through Door 5 because he just bought those shoes. Also, the casual LeaningOnTheFourthWall when he asks if anyone knows Japanese.

'''Seven''': Hey, Junpei, I wrote a little song for you. Take a listen. "The Ballad of the Well-Organized Man"...

-->''What are the heights of each character? What are the measurements for the female characters? (bust/waist/hips)''

-->FINALLY, A LIGHT QUESTION! Unfortunately, I'm sorry... I didn't really give the characters specific attributes like that. All I know is that Lotus has big boobs. That's for sure. She used to live in Silicon Valley, but her boobs are not filled with silicon. They are ALL NATURAL.

--> '''Junpei''': (So, ladder, we meet again.)
--> (examine again)
--> '''Junpei''': (Once again, I gaze upon this stately ladder.) "Ladder? I don't even know her!"
--> '''Junpei''': (Most. Original. Joke. Ever.)
--> (examine again)
--> '''Junpei''': ([[ShoutOut As I gaze into the ladder]], [[HeWhoFightsMonsters the ladder gazes into me]].) "Hey, so did you hear what that shopkeeper said after his ladder got stolen?" "No, what'd he say?" "Further steps will be taken."
--> '''Junpei''': (...And that's why I have no friends.)
--> (examine again)
--> '''Junpei''': (The ladder watches me. I sense that it finds me...wanting.) "So this friend of mine fell all the way down a 15-foot ladder." "Wow, that's pretty bad. How's he doing?" "Oh, he's all right, but he's feeling pretty rung out by the whole experience."
--> '''Junpei''': (I should be writing these down... They're comedy ''gold''!)
--> (examine again)
--> '''Junpei''': (I think the ladder is following me.) "Trying to keep up with all the latest stiles has me all rung out..." "Well, if it's a choice between being a step for someone else, and being a real social climber, I'll take the ladder!"
--> '''Junpei''': "What do you call a secondary ladder covered in people?" "A full B-ladder!" (Okay, I need to stop doing these before I hurt myself... Beside (sic), this is no time to be making jokes! I need to get out of here, now!)

--> '''Junpei''': I-I'm not using the reflection of the water to look at your underpants!

--> '''Junpei''': Do you think this boat is... the actual Titanic?
--> '''June''': The actual... Titanic? You mean it, like, slipped through time and ended up here? Before the ship sunk on April 14th, 1912...
--> '''Junpei''': ...
--> '''June''': ...
--> '''Junpei''': Huh...? What the hell are you smoking?

--> (examining the painting in door 4)
--> '''Lotus''': What about you, Junpei? Does it look anything to you?
--> '''Junpei''': Hmm... I guess it looks like...
--> (choose Funyarinpa)
--> '''Junpei''': Hmm... a funyarinpa? See...? I mean this totally looks like one... Here, and here...
--> ...
--> '''Lotus''': What the hell is a funyarinpa?
--> '''Junpei''': What do you mean "what the hell is a funyarinpa"? You mean...you don't know?!
--> '''Lotus''': How the hell would I know!?
--> '''Junpei''': How could you not know?! That's...that's practically blasphemous. Say you're sorry! Apologize to the funyarinpa! Goodness, you are such a rude woman.
--> ...
--> '''Lotus''': Junpei, are you just screwing around?
--> '''Junpei''': ...
--> '''Lotus''': Forget it.

--> '''June''': It's light.
--> '''Junpei''': Even if it's heavy?
--> '''June''': That's light!

--> '''June''': Jumpy, you lit the candle.
--> '''Junpei''': Yeah. You want me to light your heart on fire?
--> '''June''': ...
--> '''Junpei''': ...
--> '''June''': Jumpy... Don't quit your day job, okay?

--> '''Junpei''': There's a little blue platform protruding from the shower wall next to the knobs. It's for putting soap on. I used a shower once, so I know.

** Examining the bed in the bedroom with Santa and Lotus twice will cause this
-->(A girl with burning red eyes stares back at me.)
-->'''Junpei:''' Gah!
-->(Ah, I'm just messin' with ya. There's nothing there.)
*** Examining it yet again will give this response
-->(Nope, still nothing suspicious. No ghosts, or girls either.)

-->'''Santa:''' Shit! It's not opening... All right, you grab that side of the table, and I'll get the other... Let's smash this bitch open!

-->'''Santa:''' Hey, you old bag! This is just the right gift for a woman in her forties!
-->''(Cue fight)''

-->'''Lotus:''' There's a curtain rod on the ceiling.\\

-->'''Santa:''' Whoa, look! Junpei! There's a mushroom growing out of the wall!
-->'''Junpei:''' Um...that's a shower head...

--> '''Junpei''': ... Whoa... I have... no idea... what's going on... What am I... Why am I holding a frozen hunk of pork...?

--> '''Junpei''': Hey, did you see that action movie that came out last week?
--> '''Santa''': Nah, I heard it was critically panned.
--> '''Junpei''': Actually, it's pretty good if you have some [[{{Pun}} pot]].

--> '''Junpei''': The organ is...
--> '''Clover''': Or-gone?
--> '''Junpei''': Really, Clover? I expected more from you.
--> '''Clover''': Oh, like you could have done better!

--> '''Seven''': Hey, Junpei! There's dihydrogen monoxide on this shelf!
--> '''Junpei''': Why don't you just say "water"...?

--> '''Junpei''': A compass...
--> '''Ace''': And what destiny does it point us to...?
--> '''Junpei''': I really hope you don't think that sounded cool.
--> '''Ace''': ...

-->'''Ace:''' Ah, a human hammer. They're often used to subdue large men like Seven.
-->'''Junpei:''' Ace...
-->'''Ace:''' [[DontExplainTheJoke That was a joke, of course.]]
-->'''Junpei:''' Thank you, CaptainObvious.
-->'''Ace:''' ...
-->'''Junpei:''' Ace... You really kinda suck at making jokes...
-->'''Ace:''' ...That was rather cruel...

--> '''Ace''': Look, a hook. *{{Beat}}* That's not a joke!

--> '''Ace''': If I sit in it, will you let me be chairman?
--> '''Junpei''': No.
--> '''Ace''': Aww...

--> '''Junpei''': Actually, it looks more like a guy who've watched too much TV...

--> '''Clover''': It says "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riemann_hypothesis Riemann Hypothesis]]". What is there to hypothesize about with a reamin'? Isn't it pretty straightforward?
--> '''Snake''': Heavens no. There are many factors -- [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre Length, girth, lubrication or lack of... It's an exciting and rapidly growing field.]]
--> '''Clover''': Whoa!

-->'''Junpei:''' (So many books here... I wonder what this one's--whoa! What's this? ...Warm...?)\\
'''Clover:''' ''*blushing*'' Oh...! S-sorry!\\

--> '''Seven''': Gimme a "P"!
--> '''Clover''': Gimme an "I"!
--> '''Snake''': Give me a "P" and an "E"!
--> '''Junpei''': What's that spell?! Pipe! What the hell are we doing...

--> '''Junpei''': I wonder what sort of dye reaction Zero needed to get Snake's robe to look like that... It's really quite fetching.

-->'''Clover:''' Yay! You did it, Junpei! Good boy! Who's a good boy!\\

--> '''Snake''': A vase? Where did you find this?
--> '''Junpei''': Over in the kitchen.
--> '''Snake''': I see... Well, I suppose that might be useful for bludgeoning Seven over the head.
--> '''Junpei''': That's not what we're using it for.
-->(after filling it with water)
--> '''Snake''': So, you've filled the vase with water, have you? I assume you intend to dump it onto Seven's head? Hmm... Not a bad idea. Very well. I would appreciate it if you would put this plan into action post-haste.
--> '''Junpei''': ...

--> '''Seven''': Hey Junpei, you're a Taurus...right?
--> '''Junpei''': ...What? Why?
--> '''Seven''': Well, you're so well-organized. Most people wouldn't bother to search something that didn't seem to mean much.
--> '''Junpei''': ...
--> (After examining the light switch a few more times)
--> '''Seven''': Hey, Junpei, I wrote a little song for you. Take a listen. "The Ballad of the Well-Organized Man"...
--> '''Seven''': ♪ Well-organized... Well-organized... ♪ You're orderly, but not an orderly... ♪ ...That ain't no bull.
--> '''Junpei''': ... (Urge to kill...rising...)
--> (After examining the light switch again)
--> '''Seven''': Hey Junpei, I wrote you another verse... Listen...
--> '''Seven''': ♪ Well-organized... Well-organized... ♪ You've got it all laid out, when you're not out getting laid... ♪ Not a torus but a Taurus.
--> '''Junpei''': ... (His death will be slow.)

--> '''Seven''': Testing, testing. Hey, it's great to see you all here. I just flew in from New York, and boy are my arms tired! Yes, thank you, I'll be here all week! Try the veal!
--> '''Junpei''': That's not a mic, Seven. It's...just a shower head.
--> '''Seven''': Wha--?! What the hell?!
--> '''Junpei''': ...

--> '''Junpei''': Two toilet roles here, one for business, [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre one for fun.]]

--> '''Junpei''': All right, I'm gonna pull off some of this toilet paper! Rolling, rolling, rolling... Rolling, rolling, rolling...
--> '''Seven''': Hey Junpei... I don't really think you need that much...
--> '''Junpei''': ... Well, let's just wipe the slate clean then, shall we?

--> '''Snake''': Junpei, I cannot help but notice your interest in the bed. Perhaps you are hoping we will spend time on it, together...
--> '''Junpei''': Gah! Y-You--! I-- Don't say stuff like...damn! [[HoYay That's not a mental image I want!]]

--> '''Junpei''': (It's a small, round chair. Looks like it probably goes to the vanity)
--> '''Snake''': Oh... Wow, this fabric feels great. I bet that chair's really comfortable.
--> (after examining it a few more times)
--> '''Junpei''': (Squish... Squish... Squish... Squish...)
--> '''Snake''': Junpei, how long do you intend to abuse that chair? I suggest you finish soon. Otherwise, I may be forced to teach you a lesson in physical pain.
--> '''Junpei''': (His face might look calm, but there's a monster under there. Gotta admit, I'm a little scared...)
--> (examine it again)
--> '''Junpei''': (I don't wanna get my ass kicked by a blind guy, so I think I'm gonna leave the chair alone. ... For now)

--> '''Junpei''': (…And there we are in the mirror. A college kid and a terrifying giant of a man in a beanie. Stuck in a cramped bathroom… With this beast of a man… What would my parents say?)

--> '''Junpei''': (This chair goes to the poker table. Hmm... It feels really soft...)
--> (after examining it a few more times)
--> '''Junpei''': (Squeeze... Squeeze... Squeeze... Squeeze...)
--> '''Snake''': Are you quite finished with the chair, Junpei? If you don't stop this behaviour at once, I will be forced to teach you a lesson you will not soon forget.
--> '''Junpei''': (His face is as calm as ever, but his voice... Terrifying...)
--> (click again)
--> '''Junpei''': (I don't wanna get beat up, so maybe I'll just leave the chair alone for now.)

--> '''Snake''': Junpei, why do you talk to yourself so frequently?
--> '''Junpei''': ...

--> '''Seven''': Junpei! If you really want this, you're gonna hafta get through ME first! You can't even ''guess'' at my true strength! If you don't wanna die here, turn around!
--> '''Snake''': Would you, ah, like me to leave you two alone together?
--> '''Junpei''': ...

--> '''Junpei''': The mannequin looks sad, I'm starting to feel bad for it.
--> '''Junpei''': Am I getting attached to this thing? Maybe I should give it a name... How about the Science Boy...?
--> '''Junpei''': Science Boy is lying on the table. His poor head is full of electrodes.

-->'''Junpei''': Science Boy! Noooooooo! Oh, the humanity!

-->'''Junpei''': (So long, mannequin... You may not have been a real man, but I always thought of you as kin...)

-->'''Santa''': Oh man, Junpei, I can't believe I missed something so important!
-->'''Junpei''': What's so important?
-->'''Santa''': Look at those stairs... Look at them carefully! That gap! That height! That angle! It's perfect!
-->'''Junpei''': Perfect? Perfect for what...?
-->'''Santa''': Whatever, just bring Clover here, right now! Tell her she needs to walk up and down these stairs!
-->'''Junpei''': Huh? (Clover's not here... what the hell is he talking about?)

-->'''Santa''': Look, Ace! It's some kind of snowman secret meeting!
-->'''[[TheComicallySerious Ace]]''': Those are just bags full of sand. You use them as a counterweight when you're lifting something with a pully system.
-->'''Santa''': Man, you're too serious...

-->'''Junpei''': It's the catwalk, meow.
-->'''Santa''': You want me to push you off her, Junpei?
-->'''Junpei''': No way, meow.
-->'''Santa''': You jackass...

-->'''Santa''': We should get Seven to throw the barrel from the top of the stairs. It'd be just like [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong that old game]], remember?

*** Junpei's card
-->'''Junpei''': There's a pretty cool-looking dude on this card. I can't take my eyes off it.
-->'''Junpei''': There's a pretty cool-looking dude on this card. I feel...enraptured...
-->'''Junpei''': There's a pretty cool-looking dude on this card. I just wanna rub my face on it.

-->'''Santa''': Man, the guy on this card is one good-looking son-of-a-bitch! Way more class than that other chump...
-->'''Junpei''': Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!
-->'''Santa''': Huh? What's your problem? Didn't say I meant you, did I?
-->'''Junpei''': Shit...

-->'''Junpei''': There's a picture of Lotus on this card.
-->'''Santa''': Man, her hair is ridiculous. It's like...clay, or something...
-->'''Junpei''': Says the pot to the kettle...

--> '''Junpei''': It's a ceiling. I've seen a lot of ceilings in my time. I'd say this one rates about a 3, 3.5.
--> '''Junpei''': So that's the ceiling, huh... I wonder if it's sealing us in?

** Junpei's fixation on pulling the third room's toilet string

--> '''Lotus''':Now get on with it and be a man or June will leave you!

--> '''Junpei''':''I'd rather sink to the bottom of the ocean than escape with this sausagefest!"''
* While the rest of the moment is pretty overly tragic, the slight nod can potentially break the moment with a small giggle if you note a reference there.
--> '''Junpei''': ''"No! No! I have to help [[VideoGame/MetalGear Snake! Snake! Snaaaaake!]]"''

-->FINALLY, A LIGHT QUESTION! Unfortunately, I'm sorry... I didn't really give the characters specific atributes like that. All I know is that Lotus has big boobs. That's for sure. She used to live in Silicon Valley, but her boobs are not filled with silicon. They are ALL NATURAL.

* The numerous "[[TheSimpsons talking time is over now]]" moments one character receives during the True End.

--> '''Junpei''': ''"No! No! I have to help [[MetalGearSolid Snake! Snake! Snaaaaake!]]"''

--> '''Junpei''': ''"No! No! I have to help [[Source: MetalGear Snake! Snake! Snaaaaake!]]"''

--> '''Junpei''': ''"No! No! I have to help [[MetalGear Snake! Snake! Snaaaaake!]]"''

** There are several meme references in this room too, for some reason, such as "[[WesternAnimation/The LegengOfZelda Well, excuuuuse me, Princess!]]" and "[[Film/TheDarkKnight Why so serious?]]"