History Funny / MassEffect1

--->'''Shepard:''' Why not? We've got [[{{V}} oceans]], [[MarsNeedsWomen beautiful women]], [[WhatIsThisThingYouCallLove this emotion called love]]. According to the old vids, we have everything they want.

-->'''Shepard:''' All right, Alenko. Off the record, permission to speak candidly, cross my heart and hope to die. ''[[ObliviousToLove What are you talking about]]''?

--->'''Parasini:''' You're kidding. Do you have any i...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!

-->'''Ashley:''' Nobody lick any poles.

-->''Ashley:''' Nobody lick any poles.

--->'''Parasini:''' You're kidding. Do you have any i...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

** Speaking of the elevators, nearly everyone's elevator conversations on the Citadel. Bonus points for the mention of Francis Kitt's production of Hamlet with elcor actors.
*** This is even funnier in ''MassEffect2'', when you learn that this production of Hamlet is a riveting FOURTEEN HOURS long.

---->'''Tali:''' With all this exploration of Prothean culture, this must be like a survey for you, Liara.

*** Somewhat of a FunnyAneurysmMoment when you consider what happened with the technology she did send back.
*** Alternatively, with Wrex:
---->'''Liara:''' Our travels now are somewhat different from my normal excavations. I would prefer lengthier studies, and fewer explosions.

*** Also Ash:
---->'''Liara:''' Our travels now are somewhat different from my normal excavations. I would prefer lengthier studies, and fewer explosions.

* When playing as an [[SquishyWizard Adept]], use the Lift power to fling a charging krogan into the air. It turns out that the game incorporated Newton's first law into the game, and the krogan will float up while still moving forward, drifting over Shepard's head while flailing uselessly. The kicker? The path of the krogan's drift will end up taking him over a railing and falling down into the sea.
** A similarly hilarious result was once obtained with a combination of Lift, a sniper rifle, exploding rounds and insanely good timing. The sight of a burning krogan [[ATwinkleInTheSky hurtling off toward the horizon]] makes it all worthwhile.

*** If one thinks about this, this also means that Wrex, one of the most badass individuals in the universe, believes Shepard could kick his butt most days since Wrex is willing to let Shepard order him around most of the time.
*** He's not wrong. [[spoiler: [[FunnyAneurysmMoment The standoff in [=ME3=] proves that.]]]]

* Ashley's conversation with Shepard, after he used Paragon to persuade Jeong into saving the colonists.

--->'''Kaidan:''' What, you don't think they're here because of the food?

* There's a hilarious bit in the Upper Markets on the Citadel. A human customer keeps attempting to make a return to a turian salesman. Their back and forth is made even funnier when another (turian) customer's return is accepted much more easily.
** He ''has'' a proof of purchase, sir.

** Made even better - or [[FunnyAneurysmMoment tragic]] - when Shepard subsequently says "[[CallBack with all due respect]]" to the Council during the argument that leads to the Normandy's lockdown.
** On a much lighter note again; Shepard seems to take Ashley's interpretation of the phrase every other times he/she says it.

** Garrus's reaction is ''even better''

'''Ochren:''' [[SarcasmMode No--our operatives train in a simulator by killing real, ''actual'' people.]]

-->"In the recent past, a pirate band from the Terminus Systems [[FefaceOfTheMoon carved a message into the surface using ship-based laser weapons]]. In hundred-meter-wide batarian syllabic, the message proclaims the military prowess and virility of one 'Captain Zaysh'. A smaller postscript alludes to the [[HumansAreBastards questionable parentage of all humans]]."

-->"In the recent past, a pirate band from the Terminus Systems carved a message into the surface using ship-based laser weapons. In hundred-meter-wide batarian syllabic, the message proclaims the military prowess and virility of one 'Captain Zaysh'. A smaller postscript alludes to the [[HumansAreBastards questionable parentage of all humans]]."

--->'''Turian Councilor:''' I believe you humans have a saying: 'Even a broken clock is right twice a day.'
--->'''Shepard:''' [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome Here's another one: 'Go to hell!']]

* Lorik Qui'in has evidence that [[spoiler:Administrator Anoleis is crooked and has Shepard retrieve the evidence. If you ask him to testify instead of using it for blackmail, he will refuse. You can convince him... OR you can just give it to Anoleis instead (ruining Qui'in's career, and possibly his life) simply to backstab him. Upon telling Qui'in (who is naturally in shock), he asks why.]] The Renegade response?

* If you didn't get the codes to start the Neutron Purge while on Noveria, one of Shepard's lines is "Sic Semper *cough*", in a shout out to ''ArmyOfDarkness'''s "Klaatu...Barada...*mumble*" The VI will [[{{Beat}} take a slight pause]] before denying access.

* Speaking of ''ArmyOfDarkness''...

* "I haven't been shot in the head nearly enough times for that to sound like a good idea."

* "Oh crap, a pop-up."

* Bring Kaidan and Wrex along when you go hunt down Fist. Kaidan's reaction to Wrex suddenly gunning Fist down is ''hilarious''.
-->'''Wrex:''' [shoots Fist dead]
-->'''Kaidan:''' ''Oh my God!''

* The things you can do with a save edit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T47aheRgeRI

** Gianna Parasini's reaction is also excellent, as is Shepard's response, made even funnier when JenniferHale does it.

* The elevator music. Makes the otherwise-boring elevator sequences pretty damn funny... or at least GreatPenguin thinks so.

** ''All'' of Wrex's lines are pretty much made of hilarity. It's the way he delivers them. Everything is said in this completely deadpan voice where you can't quite tell if he's joking or not at first. He usually is, though--I'm pretty sure just does it on purpose because he thinks it's funny to watch other species squirm while they try to wriggle their way out of getting mauled by an angry krogan. It's just so funny that the oldest, grumpiest member of your squad is also the designated DeadpanSnarker.

** The party responses to Mira's explanation of how dangerous the neutron purge is are also good for a laugh. Wrex argues with it, claiming it would be like a walk in the sun for a krogan (whereas Mira claims that it's lethal to '''ALL''' lifeforms). If Liara and Ashley or Kaidan are with you, Liara tells Shepard the importance of reading the directions on any controls s/he uses, prompting Ashley/Kaidan to [[DeadpanSnarker remark]] that it's always a good idea to {{RTFM}}, to Liara's confusion. If Tali is with you she will provide the immortal line:

* During a playthrough, a krogan mercenary was charging at my character. Being an Adept, the equivalent of a squishy wizard, I used the Lift power to fling said krogan into the air. It turns out that the game incorporated Newton's first law into the game, and the krogan floated up while still moving forward, drifting over Shepard's head while flailing uselessly. The kicker? The path of the krogan's drift ended up taking him over a railing and falling down into the sea.

-->'''Wrex''': ''Yes.''

-->'''Shepard''':[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9GWHG_3rxc Because it's a big, stupid jellyfish!]]

-->"''Are you real? Oh, no, don't be stupid, Liara. Humans do not come here. You're hallucinating. And talking to yourself.''"

*** [[DontExplainTheJoke I'm pretty sure that was the point...]]
* If you bring Liara with you on Noveria, enter the Hot Labs, and ask Mira where Benezia is....

-->'''Qui'in''': "Let me go"? Do humans consider conversation a form of imprisonment? Maybe that is why so few are willing to sit and talk."

-->'''Ashley''': Commander will need your help setting up the nuke, I'll go with the salarians.

-->I'm gonna blow this place to hell and gone. If you want to make it out alive you better start running.

* On Noveria, the Renegade response to discovering the Mira VI is amusingly labelled: "Crap, it's a pop-up".

* If you take Wrex on the mission to save Liara, when the cave-in starts and you go up the elevator, Wrex utters the immortal words:
-->'''Wrex:''' If I die in here, I'll kill him ''[Joker]''.
-->This is then followed by ThatOneBoss.

-->'''Garrus:''' Some Krogan believe testicle transplants will increase their virility. Counteract the effects of the Genophage. It doesn't work but that doesn't stop them from buying. They'll pay up to 10,000 credits each. That's 40,000 for a full set *{{Beat}}* Somebody's making a killing out there.

-->'''Wrex:''' If we die in here, I'll kill him. ''(Him being Joker)''

* "Yeah, well if you want me in a tin foil mini skirt and thigh-high boots, you're gonna have to buy me dinner first."

*** If one thinks about this, this also means that Wrex, one of the most badass individuals in the universe believes Shepard could kick his butt most days since Wrex is willing to let Shepard order him around most of the time.

[[redirect:Funny/MassEffect]]