History Funny / JamesRolfe

* During his Fifth Monster Madness (Sequel-A-Thon) in the ''Film/ANightmareOnElmStreet1984'' review, he notes that Creator/WesCraven seems to have a thing for booby traps. He then muses that Wes Craven should've directed the ''Home Alone'' movies. Cut to a clip of ''Film/HomeAlone1'' where a makeshift flamethrower [[RuleOfFunny burns the head of a photoshopped Freddy Krueger]] with high pitched screaming.

* The Mailbag Episodes, where he reads and responds to some of the emails (and Website/YouTube messages) that he receives from his fans: some of the best and some of the worst. This includes nice emails, funny emails, hatemail and the such. One of the funniest has got to be in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEAQ4Yr_9-o Episode 3]], where he receives a positive email from a fan whose grasp of the English language is greatly put in question (and likely a joke email), and the further James gets reading it, the less control he has over his laughter. It contains such gems as referring to Mike Matei as "Mike Matinee" and a line about "see futures in balls". James tries to contain his laughter, but the email ends with a line that sends James into uncontrollable laughter: [[spoiler:Live like a windrammer as you fuck]].

--> '''James''': Are you ready? Movies that rhyme with ''Film/{{Jaws}}'': ''Film/RebelWithoutACause'', ''Film/{{Applause}}'', ''Film/TheSantaClause1''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/KindergartenCop'': ''Film/BusStop'', ''Film/{{Barbershop}}'', ''Film/OperationDumboDrop'', ''WesternAnimation/AmericanPop'', ''Film/BeverlyHillsCop'', ''Film/CashCrop'', ''Film/OverTheTop''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JurassicPark'': ''Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk'', ''Series/LoisAndClark'', ''[[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut South Park]]'', ''Film/AShotInTheDark'', ''[[Film/Narc2002 Narc]]'', ''Film/JoanOfArc'', ''Film/{{Bark}}''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JudgeDredd'': ''Film/{{Eraserhead}}'', ''King Vidoar's Our Daily Bread'', ''Film/{{Night of the Living Dead|1968}}'', ''Playboy: Playmates in Bed'', ''Film/DropDeadFred'', ''Film/FistFullOfLead'', ''Series/RoseRed'', ''[[WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButtheadDoAmerica Beavis and Butt-Head]]'', ''Film/HeSaidSheSaid'', ''Series/FatherTed'', ''Extreme Guitar Shred'', ''Film/DeadAhead'', ''Film/ClubDread''. ({{Beat}}) Wow, I just made the most pointless video ever made...

--> '''James''': Are you ready? Movies that rhyme with ''Film/{{Jaws}}'': ''Film/RebelWithoutACause'', ''Film/{{Applause}}'', ''Film/TheSantaClause''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/KindergartenCop'': ''Film/BusStop'', ''Film/{{Barbershop}}'', ''Film/OperationDumboDrop'', ''WesternAnimation/AmericanPop'', ''Film/BeverlyHillsCop'', ''Film/CashCrop'', ''Film/OverTheTop''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JurassicPark'': ''Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk'', ''Series/LoisAndClark'', ''[[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut South Park]]'', ''Film/AShotInTheDark'', ''[[Film/Narc2002 Narc]]'', ''Film/JoanOfArc'', ''Film/{{Bark}}''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JudgeDredd'': ''Film/{{Eraserhead}}'', ''King Vidoar's Our Daily Bread'', ''Film/{{Night of the Living Dead|1968}}'', ''Playboy: Playmates in Bed'', ''Film/DropDeadFred'', ''Film/FistFullOfLead'', ''Series/RoseRed'', ''[[WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButtheadDoAmerica Beavis and Butt-Head]]'', ''Film/HeSaidSheSaid'', ''Series/FatherTed'', ''Extreme Guitar Shred'', ''Film/DeadAhead'', ''Film/ClubDread''. ({{Beat}}) Wow, I just made the most pointless video ever made...

* At the end of Top 5 ''Film/KingKong'' Rip-Offs:

--> '''James''': Are you ready? Movies that rhyme with ''Film/{{Jaws}}'': ''Film/RebelWithoutACause'', ''Film/{{Applause}}'', ''Film/TheSantaClause''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/KindergartenCop'': ''Film/BusStop'', ''Film/{{Barbershop}}'', ''Film/OperationDumboDrop'', ''WesternAnimation/AmericanPop'', ''Film/BeverlyHillsCop'', ''Film/CashCrop'', ''Film/OverTheTop''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JurassicPark'': ''Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk'', ''Series/LoisAndClark'', ''[[WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut South Park]]'', ''Film/AShotInTheDark'', ''Film/{{Narc}}'', ''Film/JoanOfArc'', ''Film/{{Bark}}''. Movies that rhyme with ''Film/JudgeDredd'': ''Film/{{Eraserhead}}'', ''King Vidoar's Our Daily Bread'', ''Film/{{Night of the Living Dead|1968}}'', ''Playboy: Playmates in Bed'', ''Film/DropDeadFred'', ''Film/FistFullOfLead'', ''Series/RoseRed'', ''[[WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButtheadDoAmerica Beavis and Butt-Head]]'', ''Film/HeSaidSheSaid'', ''Series/FatherTed'', ''Extreme Guitar Shred'', ''Film/DeadAhead'', ''Film/ClubDread''. ({{Beat}}) Wow, I just made the most pointless video ever made...

* James's daughter likes to design levels in ''Videogame/SuperMarioMaker''. Given half are clearly incomplete and half are PlatformHell, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxAp6aFUbiI him]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HFTaqWbP2Y playing]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xel4MXfE744 them]] is basically a family-friendly version of the AVGN, complete with "[[CatchPhrase What was she thinking?!]]". (the comments also note sadistic game design runs in the family, given young James made Deadly Danger Dungeon, a board game where half the squares are instant death)

* During his Fifth Monster Madness (Sequel-A-Thon) in the Nightmare on Elm Street review, he notes that Wes Craven seems to have a thing for booby traps. He then muses that Wes Craven should've directed the Home Alone movies. Cut to a clip of Film/HomeAlone where a makeshift flamethrower [[RuleOfFunny burns the head of a photoshopped Freddy Krueger]] with high pitched screaming.
** Also, his [[VoodooShark convoluted theory]] about Ygor from ''Son of Frankenstein''

* During his Fifth Monster Madness (Sequel-A-Thon) in the Nightmare on Elm Street review, he notes that Wes Craven seems to have a thing for booby traps. He then muses that Wes Craven should've directed the Home Alone movies. Cut to a clip of [[Film/HomeAlone Home Alone 2]] where a makeshift flamethrower [[RuleOfFunny burns the head of a photoshopped Freddy Krueger]] with high pitched screaming.

** Reenacting James Earl Jones providing voice work for Darth Vader while wearing the witch doctor costume for Exorcist II.

* In his review of the new ''Ghostbusters'' game, [[TalkingToHimself the Nerd gets ready to slam it with James, he is put in his place when James says that it is NOT shitty.]] The look on the Nerd's face is absolutely hilarious.

** When discussing the cheap costumes in "Operation Blue Line", he changes his opinion on ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesIII'':

** James observes how awkward the controls for the Commodore port of ''VideoGame/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles'', saying that jump and attack are both the same button. Then he draws a comparison:

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GhQfW5dlzs TMNT Tournament Fighters Challenge]]. James and Mike play a bit of the game with high stakes. The winner gets to watch [[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles the first TMNT movie]], the loser has to watch the awful ''Turtle Tunes''. The ending is what makes it, [[spoiler: Mike gets so tired of the video, that he stops it and starts playing ''VideoGame/SuperMetroid''. James catches him and tells him if he doesn't finish it, he'll have to watch ''Turtle Tunes'' three times, plus ''We Wish You a Turtles Christmas'', [[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesIII the third movie]], and the ''Coming Out of Their Shells'' tour.]]

-->'''James:''' Gotta get the fuckin' shark movie open! ''[trying to saw the case open]'' Open, you [[CallBack son of a bitch]]! ''[trying to pull it apart]'' Gotta get the shark movie! I GOTTA GET THE SHARK MOVIE!

-->'''2013 James:''' Ocean sharks... lake sharks... this time, it's a river shark. Sooner or later, it's gonna be a shark in a fuckin' ''bathtub!''\\

-->'''2013 James:''' ...And now I hear ''Sharknado 2'' is in the works...\\

'''Mike''': That's like if you open up ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZelda'' and inside is, like, Miyamoto's birth certificate or something. It's like, who fucking cares?\\

** When pointing out that the film's villain is a troll, there's his comment that ''Film/ErnestScaredStupid'' might be "the real ''[[Film/{{Troll}} Troll 3]]''".

* The totally NotSafeForWork [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-Cj_99ebnw Dorothy Goes To Hell]] is one great moment after the other. But the best part by far is the [[GainaxEnding ending]]. Seriously, just watch that video, spoiling anything would be unforgivable (it does however require knowledge of Film/ReturnToOz, so you might want to watch [[http://www.cinemassacre.com/2008/12/09/return-to-oz/ his review of it]] first).

--->'''James:''' So there I am, pissed off, making a video about it. ''({{beat}})'' [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd I guess nothing's changed.]]

* Cinemassacre's [[http://cinemassacre.com/2013/08/04/top-1-shark-movies/ Top 1 Shark Movies]].
** Also, a moment from its accompanying video: [[http://cinemassacre.com/2013/08/06/top-40-shitty-shark-movies/ Cinemassacre's Top 40 Shitty Shark Movies]]. While talking about ''Film/{{Sharknado}}'', James starts ranting about how they are making shark movies faster than he can make the video.

---->'''James:''' Gotta get the fuckin' shark movie open! ''[trying to saw the case open]'' Open, you [[CallBack son of a bitch]]! ''[trying to pull it apart]'' Gotta get the shark movie! I GOTTA GET THE SHARK MOVIE!

---->'''2013 James:''' Ocean sharks... lake sharks... this time, it's a river shark. Sooner or later, it's gonna be a shark in a fuckin' ''bathtub!''\\

---->'''2013 James:''' ...And now I hear ''Sharknado 2'' is in the works...\\

* His Top 10 [[http://cinemassacre.com/2013/12/12/top-10-worst-top-10s/ list]] of...worst ''Top 10's''. That's right, a top list of top lists.
* [[http://cinemassacre.com/2010/11/23/top-10-movie-moments-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-the-scene-from-frankenstein-where-the-monster-throws-the-girl-into-the-pond/ Top 10 Movie Moments That Have Nothing To Do With The Scene From Frankenstein Where The Monster Throws The Girl Into The Pond]], just for the sheer absurdity of the premise. Plus the bizarre film clips he chose.

* Him and Mike review the menu screen (No, really) of Series/TheSuperMarioBrosSuperShow: Mario's Greatest Movie Moments DVD just to show how bizarre it is. They poke fun at WesternAnimation/InspectorGadget's tour of the menu screen and proceed to mimic him throughout the review.

---> '''James:''' (As Inspector Gadget) You fucked up.
** You think ''that's'' funny? Watch Gadget [[http://cinemassacre.com/2011/04/16/how-to-use-cinemassacre-com/ explain Cinemassacre]] for us.
--> '''Gadget''': A new page will load, so don't be supWISED!

--> '''Dr. Claw''': (beating up the Gadget logo) BAAAH!!! I ''finally'' got you, Gadget, you ''motherfucker''!!!
* The entirety of [[http://cinemassacre.com/2011/05/19/tmnt-pizza-taste-test/ Michelangelo's Pizza Taste Test]] where James and his friends try out Mikey's various pizza recipes.
--> James: That was pretty good actually.
--> Female: You want another one?
--> James: *quickly* No.
** When tasting a pizza with sardines, [[LargeHam James asks Mike]], "All right Motherfucker Mike, you ready for this motherfuckin' pizza?!"

** James makes a break for the garbage can when he tastes onion, butterscotch, and anchovies pizza.

---> '''James:''' Michelangelo, you're disgusting! You are no longer my favorite turtle. Fuck you for inventing these horrible pizzas.
---> '''Everyone:''' (While FlippingTheBird, turtle style) FUCK YOU, MICHELANGELO!
* The Mailbag Episodes, where he reads and responds to some of the emails (and Website/YouTube messages) that he receives from his fans: some of the best and some of the worst. This includes nice emails, funny emails, hatemail and the such. One of the funniest has got to be in [[http://www.screwattack.com/shows/partners/cinemassacre-mailbag/cinemassacre-mailbag-episode-3 Episode 3]], where he receives a positive email from a fan whose grasp of the English language is greatly put in question (and likely a joke email), and the further James gets reading it, the less control he has over his laughter. It contains such gems as referring to Mike Matei as "Mike Matinee" and a line about "see futures in balls". James tries to contain his laughter, but the email ends with a line that sends James into uncontrollable laughter: [[spoiler:Live like a windrammer as you fuck]].

---> '''James:''' Mr. Rolfe, Quit masturbating incessantly to freaking horror movies. talk about something else for satan’s sake. Just a suggestion. Yours truly, your mother’s cum-dumpster vag garbage man.

---> '''James:''' "Fuck the Police." OK, that's the name of this e-mail. "Hey Harold..." OK, he's calling me Harold... "This is the last fucking time I buy you peppermint patties. You beg and beg me for them rolling around the floor of the CSV..." ...does he mean CVS? "...like a fucking money with a fork up his ass, and then when I give in and buy them for you, you go home and put 9 rubber dicks in the sink again." Rubber ''ducks.'' Rubber, it's rubber ''ducks.'' I said dicks, that was me. "I don't think the plumber is going to like this one. I don't even care anymore. This time, you're gonna have to tell them what went wrong! Last time, you made him hit the deck pretty hard. I don't wanna see any more caramel strips in your Thomas the Train VHS tapes either. Enough is enough. Learn to read and stop calling up Taco Bell asking for your wallet back. They don't have it. Devin. P.S. Arnold told me you tried to shove a bottle of drain cleaner up your ass again. For the last time, if you do it on purpose, the company won't pay you compensation."
** This gem from episode 8
---> '''James''': "Just thought you should know that your videos have caused me to lose my penis, stretch out my asshole, and drink my own nut liquids."

---> "Hello, I needed your pees... like frozen pees... in a bag... you can getting thems at the stores they having lots of many pees so sending them to me... please sir I need the pees. There is being too much hair on [[Creator/JackieChan jackie chans]] ass."

---> "I swear to god the next time you pass a wal-mart I will pounce at you and rub your nipples till you fall in love with me. Then we can make videos together, this will titillate me in ways in which I've never been touched before. You sir are my boyfriend, I don't care who knows it! Yours truly, Mr. Nipples :D"
* [[http://cinemassacre.com/2011/06/21/tmnt-tuesday-tmnt-tournament-fighters-challenge/ TMNT Tournament Fighters Challenge]]. James and Mike play a bit of the game with high stakes. The winner gets to watch the first TMNT movie, the loser has to watch the awful "Turtle Tunes". The ending is what makes it, [[spoiler: Mike gets so tired of the video, that he stops it and starts playing Super Metroid. James finds out and tells him if he doesn't finish it, he'll have to watch Turtle Tunes three times, plus We Wish You a Turtles Christmas, the third movie, and the Coming Out Of Their Shells Tour.]]

--->'''James:''' There's two different shows, both coexisting, and both still going on to this very day. Does that mean I have to watch ''Franchise/SuperSentai'' also?\\

** Also, a moment from it's accompanying video: [[http://cinemassacre.com/2013/08/06/top-40-shitty-shark-movies/ Cinemassacre's Top 40 Shitty Shark Movies]]. While talking about ''Film/{{Sharknado}}'', James starts ranting about how they are making shark movies faster than he can make the video.

[[folder:James and Mike Mondays]]
(see Funny/JamesAndMikeMondays)
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Cinemassacre Video/Rental Reviews]]
(see Funny/CinemassacreVideo)
[[/folder]]

* [[WebAnimation/MunkyCheez MUNKY CHEEZ!!!]]

%% Please see thread to discuss a new image.

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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vlcsnap_2021_04_20_18h06m38s661.png]]
[[caption-width-right:350:James and Mike having a good guffaw at Inspector Gadget on the ''SMBSS'' DVD menu]]

* James's daughter likes to design levels in ''Videogame/SuperMarioMaker''. Given half are clearly incomplete and half are PlatformHell, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxAp6aFUbiI him playing]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HFTaqWbP2Y them]] is basically a family-friendly version of the AVGN, complete with "[[CatchPhrase What was she thinking?!]]". (the comments also note sadistic game design runs in the family, given young James made Deadly Danger Dungeon, a board game where half the squares are instant death)