History Funny / FawltyTowers

** When the Major explains why he is stalking an empty hotel bar with a shotgun to Basil with the word "Vermin", Basil rolls his eyes and gently explains that there are [[CallBack no Germans staying that week]].

--> '''Basil''': No! How can I knock a nail in with your hamster? Well I could try...
* Basil notices the Major looking for a rat with a gun:
-->'''Basil:''' Do you need any help, Major?
-->'''Major:''' Don't move! Vermin.
-->'''Basil:''' ''(rolls his eyes)'' We haven't got any, this week, Major.
-->'''Major:''' Hmm?
-->'''Basil:''' No Germans staying this week, Major. May I have that? ''(reaches for the gun)''
-->'''Major:''' Goin' to shoot him, Fawlty.
-->'''Basil:''' Yes, Major?
-->'''Major:''' Hmm?
-->'''Basil:''' Not- not legal actually, anymore, murder.
-->'''Major:''' But they're animals, Fawlty!
-->'''Basil:''' Oh, yes, yes. Still, forgive and forget, eh?
-->'''Major:''' Forgive 'em?
-->'''Basil:''' Well, pretend we do.

** Sybil tries to change the subject as Manuel drags the unconscious Basil from the room... "I'm afraid it's started to rain again..."

* "Look, I'm a doctor! I'm a doctor and I want my sausages!"

*** The next morning Manuel is trying to serve breakfast while horrendously hungover, bent double and groaning. Eventually he collapses to the floor, forcing Basil to retrieve a meal from his hand and then carry the poor man out of the dining room.

* The entire 'batteries' scene. A guest named Alan Wilson wants to get some batteries for his electric razor, while Basil assumes he wants to buy condoms.

--> '''Basil''': There's air ''in'' it.

** Basil makes Mrs. Richards believe her hearing aid is turned down too low... And then screams in her ear once she turns it up. Sybil doesn't even try that hard to stop him, because she's fed up with her too.

'''Basil:''' ''(extremely cheery)''' A room, please. Ummm -- number twelve is free, I think. Now, I'd like breakfast in bed at half past ten in the morning, please -- that's eggs, bacon, sausage and tomato, with a Waldorf salad. I'll wash down with lashings of hot screwdriver... ''(fade out as episode ends)''

--> '''Basil, post-realization''': "Oh! Oh... Mr. ''Leeman!''"

* "But anything could have happened!" "Well, he ''was'' dead, dear.""[[AllMenArePerverts A man is a man]], Mrs. Fawlty!"

--->'''Basil:''' ''(pokes head into office)'' They're going!\\

---> '''Mrs. Peignoir''': Ah, feel that breeze! I shall sleep ''au natural'' tonight.
---> '''Basil''': ...uh, good idea.
---> '''Mrs. Peignoir''': But it is not so much fun on your own.
---> '''Basil''': Oh, well, [[ADateWithRosiePalms one can always pretend.]]

---> '''Basil:''' Probably some key who forgot the guest to their door.

--->'''Sybil:''' ''(offscreen)'' Basil, I'm trying to read in here!
--->'''Manuel:''' Since I come here from Spain, leaving my five mothers and four aunties- ''(Basil's hands reach around Manuel's throat and begin to throttle him)''.

---> '''Basil''': Has it got a breeze?
---> '''Guest''': Is it airy?
---> '''Basil''': There's air ''in'' it.

-->'''Mrs. Heath''' Oh, now!

-->'''Mr. Heath''' This is very good.
-->'''Mrs. Heath''' He likes salad cream.

** This exchange:

** Basil's considerable discomfort with the French woman trying to seduce him.

** Afterward, when talking to Sybil and hastily trying to explain who could be knocking at their door.

** A drunk Manuel comes back from his birthday party and tries to tell his boss, now prostrate on the floor in front of him having being stunned by Manuel's extravagant entrance, just how much he [[HoYay loves him]]. Mr Bruce walks into shot, sees the scene, stares into space for a while and then promptly walks out again.

** The debacle over the room for the young couple.

-->'''Basil''' I beg your pardon?

-->'''Basil''' I suppose you think this is funny, do you?

-->'''Basil''' Ha, ha, ha.

-->'''Basil''' Oh, do you? Well, I don't. So far as I know, all the chemists are shut. You'll just have to wait till tomorrow. Sorry. ''(pause)'' Bit of a blow, I imagine.

-->'''Basil''' Nothing. You heard. Is that all?

-->'''Basil''' Yes?

-->'''Basil''' Now, look! Just don't push your luck! I have a breaking point, you know.

-->'''Basil''' I don't believe it.

-->'''Basil''' Batteries, eh? You know something? You disgust me. I know what people like you get up to, and I think it's dis''gus''ting!

-->'''Basil''' Oh, yes?

-->'''Basil''' Electric razor, huh?

-->'''Basil''' Well, that's what I was referring to when I said it was disgusting. It is, of course, dis''gus''ting that you haven't shaved, but understandable. I mean, sometimes I don't shave either, and that's dis''gus''ting, too. So I shall have a razor sent up to your room straightaway. Thank you so much, good night.

-->'''Basil''' Oh, do you? Well, I don't. So far as I know, all the chemists are shut. You'll just have to wait
till tomorrow. Sorry. ''(pause)'' Bit of a blow, I imagine.

* The entire 'batteries' scene.
** "I know what people like you get up to and I think it's dis'''GUS'''ting."
** Sybil's obnoxious laugh, for which Basil apologises.

-->'''Basil:''' Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres. Basil Fawlty: [German accent] Hors d'oeuvres... [[JustFollowingOrders vich must be obeyed at all times vitout qvestion]]!
** "Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it. So it's all forgotten now and let's hear no more about it. So that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Herman Goering and four Colditz salads ... no, wait a minute ... I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war."

--->'''Basil:''' Well, you started it!

--> '''Basil''': There's air ''in'' it.

* "But anything could have happened!" "Well, he ''was'' dead, dear.""[[AllMenAreRapists A man is a man]], Mrs. Fawlty!"

---> '''Basil''': Oh, well, [[ADateWithRosiePalms one can always pretend...]]

-->'''Sybil:''' ''(takes his hands away)'' Yes but not at the same time, Basil.

-->'''Basil:''' It's nice to share a moment like that, isn't it, dear. It's what marriage is all about. I know, I read it on the back of a matchbox.
-->'''Sybil:''' You know, Basil, sometimes...
-->'''Basil:''' ''(puts his hand around Sybil)'' Seriously, Sybil, do you remember when we were first...manacled together, we used to laugh quite a lot.

-->'''Mrs. Richards:''' You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful.\\

'''Sybil:''' ''(gives him a suspicious, confused look)'' Well don't.

-->'''Manuel:''' Mrs. Fawlty! Mrs. Fawlty! Mrs. Fawlty! Mr. Fawlty!\\

--->'''Polly:''' ...It ''is'' my fault.

-->'''Worker''' ''(After another informs that he means O'Reilly)'': Yes, that's right. We are Orraly men! ''(under his breath)'' Thick as a plank...

--> '''Mrs. Peignoir''': Ah, feel that breeze! I shall sleep ''au natural'' tonight.
--> '''Basil''': ...uh, good idea.
--> '''Mrs. Peignoir''': But it is not so much fun on your own.
--> '''Basil''': Oh, well, [[ADateWithRosiePalms one can always pretend...]]

--> '''Basil:''' Probably some key who forgot the guest to their door.

--> '''Basil''': Has it got a breeze?
--> '''Guest''': Is it airy?

-->'''Polly:''' Mr Fawlty, may I introduce Richard Turner. He's a friend of mine.
-->'''Basil:''' Oh you know each other, do you? ...Please don't leave on my account, [[MaliciousMisnaming Mr Turnip]].

--> '''Manuel''': Si, si, man with beard! *to the builders* Who is man with beard? ''(the builder with a beard walks over)'' Hid... Si...si... ag... Oh, ang, ang. Si, si comprando. Si, one moment please. ''(to the builder)'' You are a "hideous orangutang!" *PUNCH!!*

-->'''Polly:''' I fell asleep.
-->'''Basil:''' You fell asleep?
-->'''Polly:''' It's not my fault!
-->'''Basil:''' You fell asleep and it's not your fault?!
-->'''Polly:'''He forgot to wake me!
-->'''Basil:''' Who forgot to wake you?!
-->'''Polly:''' ...It ''is'' my fault.
-->'''Basil:''' MANUEL! I KNEW IT! MANUEL!