History Funny / FTLFasterThanLight

** Similarly, it is possible to encounter a ship with only beam weapons (often a Rebel Rigger with a Beam Drone and a minimum-damage beam weapon) when you have enough shielding to block the beams, less lasers than you have shields, or other setups that create a no-win scenario for the enemy. Even if you decide to leave the game running overnight, they'll ''still'' be [[SuicidalOverconfidence trying to pierce your defenses instead of just escaping an unwinnable fight]]. Which leads to your crew using the harmless ship as an opportunity for a casual training exercise and coming out with maxed out weaponry (and other stats, if the enemy ship is using non-beam, non-missile weapons).
*** Quickly becomes DemonicSpiders when early into a Stealth B run, where you have 0 shielding.
* "Holy crap! A weapon is just floating in space!"
** Even better if said weapon is the [[MoreDakka Chain Vulcan]]. [[GameBreaker The most powerful weapon in the game]], that can turn anything, including [[FinalBoss the Flagship]], into scrap in a withering barrage of lasers, is just floating randomly through space and you came across it by sheer luck.

** Another good lanius surrender: "You receive a one word message from the enemy ship, "Surrender". You assume they are asking to surrender rather than demanding your surrender."

* The Engi equivalent of TheTalk happens [[http://ftl.wikia.com/wiki/Two_Smashed_Ships when you see two Engi ships smashed together,]] spouting comm signals and debris, and you can't tell what's happening. Your Engi crewmember refuses to assess the ships for damage and embarrassedly tells you why. After the explanation, you pick up scrap surrounding the ships, but you feel dirty for doing so.

** The filename of this event is ENGI_SEX.
* In [[http://ftl.wikia.com/wiki/The_Engi_Virus the Engi virus event,]] an Engi ship is ready to fire on yours because there's a computer virus aboard. If you have a Lanius crew member, you'll notice it gesturing frantically. That in itself is pretty amusing, since one may not expect a monstrous, metal-eating, oxygen-draining, walking [[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire Iron Throne]] to hop around trying to get attention. The Lanius knows which computer on your ship holds the virus and simply eats the terminal to destroy the virus.
** Alternatively, with a low-level Hacking module, this can happen:

* You can encounter a space station that's currently having trouble containing a fire. If you send in a Rockman or a Repair Drone, you can put out the fire, no problem, and the station will even give you an augment for it after explaining that its automated fire suppressor went haywire. Guess what augment you can get from this event if you have the Advanced Edition content enabled? [[spoiler:Fire Suppression.]]
** Similarily, during the "Malfunctioning Defense System" event, it is possible to disable the rogue satellite with an ion weapon, prompting a good reward from the station. There is a very small chance that due to the way rewards are generated, among the scrap is... an ion weapon.

** Similarly, it is possible to encounter a ship with only beam weapons (often a Rebel Rigger with a Beam Drone and a minimum-damage beam weapon) when you have enough shielding to block the beams, less lasers than you have shields, or other setups that create a no-win scenario for the enemy. Even if you decide to leave the game running overnight, they'll ''still'' be trying to pierce your defenses instead of just escaping an unwinnable fight. Which leads to your crew using the harmless ship as an opportunity for a casual training exercise and coming out with maxed out weaponry (and other stats, if the enemy ship is using non-beam, non-missile weapons).

** Similarly, it is possible to encounter a ship with only beam weapons (often a Rebel Rigger with a Beam Drone and a minimum-damage beam weapon) when you have enough shielding to block the beams. Even if you decide to leave the game running overnight, they'll ''still'' be trying to pierce your defenses instead of just escaping an unwinnable fight. Which leads to your crew using the harmless ship as an opportunity for a casual training exercise.

* In Abandoned Sectors, you can encounter a distress beacon where the Slugs [[AintTooProudToBeg beg to be saved]] from Lanius scavengers. Once you do, they can either leave while you were fighting, or they remain, and, quoted from the text, "reluctantly thank you for your help, protest [[BlatantLies they had the whole situation under control]], attempt to [[EntitledBastard make you pay for them helping you]], and an hour later, finally relent and give you some supplies."

** Similarily, during the "Malfunctioning Defense System" event, it is possible to disable the rogue satellite with an ion weapon, prompting a good reward from the station. There is a very small chance that, due to the way rewards are generated, that among the scrap is... an ion weapon.

** Even more so during certain events — if you try to recruit a crew member, but they kill one of your own because they're AxCrazy or [[WoundedGazelleGambit a traitor trying to play friendly]], the crewman jumps right out of the cloning bay [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge itching to deliver some payback]]. And if you have [[AndCallHimGeorge a crewman "broken"]] [[https://ftl.wikia.com/wiki/Crystalline_Research_Facility during a]] [[spoiler:Crystalline]] [[PlayingWithSyringes research project]], the game follows up with this line if the clone bay is installed:

* If you have upgraded doors, and the enemy is dumb enough to teleport a boarding party into the airlock, you can open the airlock doors. [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential You can sit back and laugh while they attempt to bash the doors open as they slowly choke to death.]]

** Similarly, it is possible to encounter a ship with only beam weapons (often a Rebel Rigger with a Beam Drone and a minimum-damage beam weapon) when you have enough shielding to block the beams. Even if you decide to leave the game running overnight, they'll ''still'' be trying to pierce your defenses instead of just escaping an unwinnable fight.

* How do Rock crew members put out fires and repair damaged systems? [[PercussiveMaintenance By jumping up and down on the fire and then smacking the system with their bare fists!]] Somehow, this is ''more'' effective than fire suppressant and wrenches.

* How do Rock crew members put out fires and repair damaged systems? [[PercussiveMaintenance By jumping up and down on the fire and then smacking the system with their bare fists!]] Somehow, this is ''more'' effective as fire suppressant and wrenches.

* How do Rock crew members put out fires and repair damaged systems? [[PercussiveMaintenance By jumping up and down on the fire and then smacking the system with their bare fists!]] Somehow, this is just as effective as fire suppressant and wrenches.

* "Send the crew to help immediately! [[GiantSpider Giant alien spiders]] are [[SeriousBusiness no joke]]."

* In a more "stupid funny" than "haha funny" way, there is an event in the Captain's edition mod where a member of the crew turns out to be a Rebel traitor. Which becomes stupid funny if the member of the crew who is the traitor also happens to be the crew member generated via the "talk to the crew" event where one of your Mantis (a species who are fully capable just after birth) tell you they've just had a baby. Somehow in the few hours/days/months since their birth, they decided to betray their parent and the new crew.
* How do Rock crew members put out fires and repair damaged systems? [[PercussiveMaintenance By jumping up and down on the fire and then smacking the system with their bare fists!]] Somehow, this is just as effective as fire suppressant and wrenches.

** Similarly, it is possible to encounter a ship with only beam weapons (often a Rebel Rigger with a Beam Drome and a minimum-damage beam weapon) when you have enough shielding to block the beams. Even if you decide to leave the game running overnight, they'll ''still'' be trying to pierce your defenses instead of just escaping an unwinnable fight.

** Even better if said weapon is the [[MoreDakka Chain Vulcan]]. [[GameBreaker The most powerful weapon in the game]], that can turn anything short of [[FinalBoss the Flagship]] into scrap in a withering barrage of lasers, is just floating randomly through space and you came across it by sheer luck.

** Even more so during certain events — if you try to recruit a crew member, but they kill one of your own because they're AxCrazy or [[WoundedGazelleGambit a traitor trying to play friendly]], the crewman jumps right out of the cloning bay [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge itching to deliver some payback]]. And if you have [[AndCallHimGeorge a crewman "broken" during]] a [[spoiler:Crystalline]] [[PlayingWithSyringes research project]], the game follows up with this line if the clone bay is installed:

** One event has you trying to save a science vessel that's burning out of control. If one of your crewmates gets killed, his clone "stumbles out the the clone bay with a new-found respect for flames", like he just got burned by a hot stove or an errant firework, not dying a horrible burning death.
** Another event (the one where you an either save an Engi or the drone schematic from an exploding ship) has one crewmember valiantly sacrifice his life to save the Engi... only for said crewmember to swagger out of the Clone Bay soon after. It's easy to be brave when death isn't actually permanent, eh, crewmember?
** If one of your crew members fails to [[http://ftl.wikia.com/wiki/Rock_Live_Mine defuse a space mine]], they get blasted off towards the sun... only to later stumble out of the clone bay looking sheepish and apologetic as if they'd just been caught doing something embarrassing, not exploded by a mine. [[note]]Granted, they're most likely apologetic because the mine ''also'' blasted a big chunk out of your hull...[[/note]]

* One event while in the Slug nebula is facing off with "the dreaded pirate, Captain Nights." He then asks you if you've heard of him, if his name strikes fear in your heart. Your response? [[FlatNo "No."]] Just "No."

* One event while in the Slug nebula is facing off with "the dreaded pirate, Captain Nights." He then asks you if you've heard of him, if his name strikes fear in your heart. Your response? [[LittleNo "No."]] Just "No."

** Even better if said weapon is the [[MoreDakka Chain Vulcan]]. [[GameBreaker The most powerful weapon in the game]], that can turn anything short of the Flagship into scrap is just floating randomly through space and you came across it by sheer luck.

** Even more so during certain events - if you try to recruit a crew member, but they kill one of your own because they're AxCrazy or [[WoundedGazelleGambit a traitor trying to play friendly]], the crewman jumps right out of the cloning bay [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge itching to deliver some payback]]. And if you have [[AndCallHimGeorge a crewman "broken" during]] a [[spoiler:Crystalline]] [[PlayingWithSyringes research project]], the game follows up with this line if the clone bay is installed:

** If one of your crew members fails to defuse a space mine, they get blasted off towards the sun... only to later stumble out of the clone bay looking sheepish and apologetic as if they'd just been caught doing something embarrassing, not exploded by a mine.

* The Engi equivalent of TheTalk happens when you see two Engi ships smashed together, spouting comm signals and debris, and you can't tell what's happening. Your Engi crewmember refuses to assess the ships for damage and embarrassedly tells you why. After the explanation, you pick up scrap surrounding the ships, but you feel dirty for doing so.

* In the Engi virus event, an Engi ship is ready to fire on yours because there's a computer virus aboard. If you have a Lanius crew member, you'll notice it gesturing frantically. That in itself is pretty amusing, since one may not expect a monstrous, metal-eating, oxygen-draining, walking [[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire Iron Throne]] to hop around trying to get attention. The Lanius knows which computer on your ship holds the virus and simply eats the terminal to destroy the virus.