History Funny / DoctorWhoSeries3

'''The Master:''' No. No. ''That'' wasn't funny. ''[beat]'' Hmmm, you see, I'm not making myself very clear. "Funny" is like this. ''[[[TheUnsmile makes an exaggerated grin]]]'' "Not funny" is like this. ''[makes an exaggerated frowny face]'' And right now, I'm not like ''[grins]'', I'm like ''[frowns]'', because you are traitors. [[SuddenlyShouting YES, YOU ARE!!]] As soon as you saw the votes swinging ''my'' way, you abandoned your parties and you jumped on the Saxon bandwagon! So... ''[sits down]'' ...''this'' is [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves your reward!]] ''[puts on a facial gas mask]''\\

* Just about any time the Master speaks to President Winters is entertaining. The Master's trying to be as deliberately annoying as he can possibly be. Which, seeing as he's the Master, is ''not'' hard.

'''The Master:''' Well, you know how it is: new job, all that paperwork. I ''think'' it's down the back of the settee. I did have a quick look: I found a pen, a sweet, a bus ticket and uh, have you met the wife?\\
'''Winters:''' Mr. Saxon, I'm not sure what your game is but there are provisions at the United Nations to have you removed from office unless you are very, very careful. Is that understood? ''[the Master mimes zipping his lips]'' Are you taking this seriously? ''[the Master nods]'' To business. We've accessed your files on these... Toclafane. The first contact cannot take place on any sovereign soil. For that purpose, the aircraft carrier ''Valiant'' is en route. The rendezvous will take place there at 8:00 am. ''[the Master makes muffled sounds, trying to "speak" through zipped lips]'' You're trying my patience, sir.\\

'''Winters:''' Since Britain elected an ass, yes. I'll see you onboard the ''Valiant''.\\

'''Winters:''' Since it's too late to pull out, the world will be watching. ''Me''.

* FridgeBrilliance: It's pretty impressive that the Doctor was reading from a transcript that had everything he was supposed to say predetermined and yet he still throws in the tone and the emotion to the reading as if he is saying it off the top of his head like in a regular conversation. There's two possibilities for this: A) this is a cold read and he was just very good at selling the performance, which is unlikely because his autocue knows exactly how long to pause to accommodate Sally's remarks, or B) the more likely and funnier option, he read through it a few times and he and Martha practiced. One can only imagine the conversation the Doctor and Martha had while rehearsing:
-->'''The Doctor:''' Martha, help me read through this transcript. I need to figure out how long I should give them to talk, 38 years in the future.
** Or:
--->'''The Doctor:''' Martha, how does it sound when I say it like this?\\
'''Martha:''' Fine.\\
'''The Doctor:''' Ok but I feel like to really capture the character, I should say it like this.\\
'''Martha:''' Doctor. The character is you.\\
'''The Doctor:''' Yeah but I really have to capture my essence.\\
'''Martha:''' Why?\\
'''The Doctor:''' So it seems cooler.\\
'''Martha:''' Doctor, the whole point of this is to get the TARDIS back and to save their lives, and you're worried about how cool it seems in the future?

'''Yana:''' Oh, a hermit. With friends...?\\

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmbeHc31Yd4 The outtakes]]. All of them.

''[switch to flashback of Donna and Lance walking down a street, her clinging to his hand]''

''[back to present]''

-->'''The Doctor:''' Donna.
-->'''Donna:''' Leave me alone. I just want to get married.
-->'''The Doctor:''' Come back to the TARDIS.
-->'''Donna:''' No way. That box is too... weird.
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[nonchalantly]'' It's... bigger on the inside, that's all.
-->'''Donna:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh! That's all?]] ''[She sighs exaggeratedly and checks her watch]'' Ten past three. I'm gonna miss it!
-->'''The Doctor:''' You can phone them. Tell them where you are.
-->'''Donna:''' How do I do that?
-->'''The Doctor:''' Haven't you got a mobile?
-->'''Donna:''' ''[scoffs]'' I'm in my wedding dress! It doesn't have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? [[SarcasmMode When I went to my fitting at Chez Alison, the one thing I forgot to say is]] ''[[SuddenlyShouting "GIVE ME POCKETS!"]]''\\

-->'''Donna:''' What's the operator? I've not done this in years. What do you dial? 100?
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[applies his sonic screwdriver to the phone]'' Just... just call the direct. ''[The dial tone buzzes on the end of the receiver]''
-->'''Donna:''' ''[demandingly]'' What did you do?
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[distracted, looking for an ATM]'' Something... Martian. Now, phone. I'll get money! ''[runs off to an ATM]''

-->'''Donna:''' Mum, get off the phone and listen. I'm in... ''[looks around]'' Oh, my God... I dunno where I am! It's... it's a street. And there's a WH Smith... but it's definitely Earth.

-->'''The Doctor:''' OPEN THE DOOR!
-->'''Donna:''' Do you what?
-->'''The Doctor:''' Open the door!
-->'''Donna:''' I can't, it's locked!
-->''[The Doctor sonics the door, enabling Donna to lower the window]''
-->'''Donna:''' ''[like he didn't already know]'' Santa's a robot!
-->'''The Doctor:''' Donna, open the door!
-->'''Donna:''' ''[looks at him like he's crazy]'' What for?!
-->'''The Doctor:''' You've got to jump! ''[The pilot fish driver turns his head slightly at this]''
-->'''Donna:''' I'm not bleedin' flip jumping, I'm supposed to be getting married!
-->''[The pilot fish floors the gas pedal. As the Doctor struggles to keep the TARDIS on pace with the taxi, he collides with another motorist's roof. In another car, two children mutter to each other excitedly. The Doctor struggles to regain his balance, then sonics the robot, disabling it and locking the cab's speed down]''
-->'''The Doctor:''' Listen to me. You’ve got to jump!\\

''[So Donna, with a scream, jumps and lands on top of the Doctor in a heap on the floor. The children cheer, the doors slam closed and the TARDIS zooms back up into the sky]''

* The Doctor gives Donna his coat, [[YouMustBeCold noticing that she must be shivering in her wedding dress]].
-->'''Donna:''' God, you're skinny. This wouldn't fit a rat.
-->'''The Doctor:''' Oh and you'd better put this on. ''[He produces what looks like a wedding ring from his pocket]''
-->'''Donna:''' ''[annoyed]'' Oh, do you have to rub it in?
-->'''The Doctor:''' Those creatures can trace you. This is a bio-damper. Should keep you hidden. ''[He slips it onto her finger]'' With this ring, I thee bio-damp!
-->'''Donna:''' For better or for worse.

* Donna realizes she's going to miss her wedding reception, and the Doctor asks if she has a phone to contact her loved ones.
-->'''Donna:''' I'm in my wedding dress! It doesn't have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? [[SarcasmMode When I went to my fitting at Chez Alison, the one thing I forgot to say is]] ''[[SarcasmMode "GIVE ME POCKETS!"]]''\\

'''The Doctor:''' ''[feebly]'' [[LameComeback I'm... I'm not... I'm not... I'm not from Mars!]] ''[chases after her]''

'''Donna:''' TAXI! Oi! ''[another drives past with its For Hire light on]''\\

* The Doctor tries to get money from an ATM, but he ends up stuck behind another guy who's being irritably slow, leading to a moment of the Doctor ''hopping up and down on both feet in impatience''. By the time the man leaves, the pilot fish are closing in, so he has to use his sonic screwdriver to cause the ATM to release an explosion of cash, resulting in a frantic crowd rushing to grab any banknotes they can get, distracting the pilot fish.
* The Doctor trying to convince Donna to jump out of the Santa-driven cab into the TARDIS.

'''The Doctor:''' Yes, you look lovely! COME ON!
** During Donna's rescue, two kids sitting in the back seat of a car are watching it all go down, and they are REALLY getting into it. They start mouthing "jump!" when the Doctor tells Donna to jump and cheer when she finally does it.

** Donna's sudden marriage proposal is met with a horrified look from Lance and a dramatic ScareChord. FauxHorrific at its finest (up until TheReveal, that is).

'''Donna:''' [[HypocriticalHumour Go on, just think about it! We'd make a great couple! And I'd get rid of the dog... and we could do up that back bedroom...]]

'''Donna:''' ''[raising her voice a notch]'' You had the reception WITHOUT ME?!\\

'''Winters:''' ''[stammers]'' I... can be Master, if you so wish. I will accept mastery over you if that is God's will.\\

* The Master has ''a lot of sadistically gleeful fun at constantly murdering Jack!'' "And the good thing is, he's not dead for long! '''''I GET TO KILL HIM AGAIN!"'''''

'''The Doctor:''' Yeah, yeah. But even if I did, I couldn’t go back on someone’s personal timeline. [[NoodleIncident Apparently]].

'''The Doctor:''' How should I know? Haven’t even met her yet! That’s time travel for you. [[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor Still, can’t wait to find out!]] That’s something to look forward to...''[He quickly steps into the TARDIS and starts the dematerialization sequence just as one of the guards puts an arrow in the TARDIS door]''

'''Donna:''' [[SarcasmMode I'm going ten pin bowling.]] [[SuddenlyShouting WHY DO YOU THINK, DUMBO?!]] I was halfway up the aisle! ''[the Doctor begins to fiddle with the controls while she walks around, ranting]'' I've been waiting all my life for this. I was just seconds away! And then you... I dunno, you drugged me or something!\\

'''Martha:''' Oh, never mind what, just run!\\

'''The Doctor:''' How should I know? Haven’t even met her yet! That’s time travel for you. [[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor Still, can’t wait to find out!]] That’s something to look forward to...''[Martha grabs him by the arm to drag him into the TARDIS just as one of the guards puts an arrow in the TARDIS door]''

* The Doctor, spying on the Judoon beginning their scan of the patients in the lobby, lights up like a kid on Christmas day when he realizes, "[[BrickJoke Oh, look at that!]] [[Recap/DoctorWhoS28E1NewEarth They've got a little shop! I like a little shop.]]"

--->'''Martha:''' What have you done to upset her?[[labelnote:*]]Oh...I dunno...[[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor perhaps you'll marry her, then tell her you'll be right back, but you don't return for her?]][[/labelnote]]\\
'''The Doctor:''' How should I know? Haven’t even met her yet! That’s time travel for you. Still, can’t wait to find out! That’s something to look forward to...''[Martha grabs him by the arm to drag him into the TARDIS just as one of the guards puts an arrow in the TARDIS door]''
** This one gets funnier [[BrickJoke knowing what exactly]] [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble he'll do to her 37 years ago that will piss her off]]: [[spoiler:he proposed to her as part of an effort to expose a Zygon he thought was impersonating her, and then dumped her without even saying goodbye.]]

* At the end of the episode, Queen Elizabeth I turns up at the Globe, accompanied by fanfare:

* At the end of the episode, Queen Elizabeth I turns up at the Globe:

'''Elizabeth I:''' '''{{OFF WITH HIS HEAD}}!'''\\

''[the Doctor and Martha take off running; Shakespeare begins laughing as they disappear]''\\
'''Elizabeth I:''' STOP THAT PERNICIOUS DOCTOR!

--->'''Martha:''' What have you done to upset her?\\
'''The Doctor:''' How should I know? Haven’t even met her yet! That’s time travel for you. Still, can’t wait to find out! ''[dematerializes the TARDIS, just as one of the guards puts an arrow in the TARDIS door]''
** This one gets funnier coming back after watching [[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor "The Day of the Doctor"]], [[BrickJoke and knowing what exactly]] [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble he'll do to her 37 years ago that will piss her off]]: [[spoiler:he proposed to her as part of an effort to expose a Zygon he thought was impersonating her, and then dumped her without even saying goodbye.]]

* While the Doctor tries to figure out what's happened, he at one point asks Donna if her fiance is a Slitheen.
-->'''The Doctor:''' "Are you sure [your husband]'s human? He's not a bit overweight with a zip round his forehead, is he?"

'''The Doctor:''' ''[feebly]'' [[LameComeback I'm... I'm not...I'm not...I'm not from Mars!]] ''[chases after her]''

* As the Doctor abruptly walks up in front of her, takes off his tie and waves it at her while saying, "Like so! See?" It's completely bizarre and rather out-of-character for the Doctor to do. But then, as Martha and the other medical students are doing the rounds, they find the Doctor posing as a patient. Martha asks him about their encounter that morning, and the Doctor denies that it was him as he has been in bed all morning. Then, at the end of the episode, the Doctor mentions that he can travel through time, and Martha asks him to prove it. [[BrickJoke He goes into the TARDIS, and when he returns, he's holding his tie in his hand with a grin on his face.]] "Told ya."

'''The Doctor:''' ''[now confused]]'' What?!\\
'''Elizabeth I:''' {{OFF WITH HIS HEAD}}!\\

''[the Doctor and Martha look over and see a man running around frantically, flailing his arms and screaming, followed by a mob of Futurekind]''
* There's also Jack's repeated attempts at flirtation with [[ExtremeOmnisexual whatever catches his fancy]], all of them stopped with the Doctor's casual "Stop it."
* This exchange:

''[the speakers on the two table phones pop up and spray DeadlyGas into the room; all of the ministers begin choking on the fumes]''\\

'''Donna:''' ''[commandingly]'' Tell me where I am! I demand you tell me, ''right now'', where am I?!\\

* While the Doctor tries to figure out what's happened, he at one point asks Donna, "Are you sure [your husband]'s human? He's not a bit overweight with a zip round his forehead, is he?"

'''The Doctor:''' ''[feebly]'' [[LameComeback I'm... I'm not... I'm not... I'm not from Mars!]] ''[chases after her]''

'''The Doctor:''' Whatever that thing is, it needs you. And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good! Now, come on!\\

'''The Doctor:''' Yes, you look lovely! ''Come on!''

'''Donna:''' [[ButForMeItWasTuesday Scuba diving.]]\\
'''The Doctor:''' ''[by this point clearly concerned for her memory]'' The big picture, Donna, you keep on missing it.

* The Doctor trying to catch Donna... which culminates her hitting the wall and landing on her back, accompanied by a very ''Looney Tunes''-esque clang and a blank look from the Racnoss.

* Towards the beginning, we get a scene where Martha is walking in a crowd, and then the Doctor abruptly walks up in front of her, takes off his tie and waves it at her while saying, "Like so! See?" It's completely bizarre and rather out-of-character for the Doctor to do. But then, as Martha and the other medical students are doing the rounds, they find the Doctor posing as a patient. Martha asks him about their encounter that morning, and the Doctor denies that it was him as he has been in bed all morning. Then, at the end of the episode, the Doctor mentions that he can travel through time, and Martha asks him to prove it. [[BrickJoke He goes into the TARDIS, and when he returns, he's holding his tie in his hand with a grin on his face.]] "Told ya."

'''The Doctor:''' Oh, 57 academics [[IKnewIt just punched the air...]]

** This one gets funnier coming back after watching [[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor "The Day of the Doctor"]], [[BrickJoke and knowing what exactly]] [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble he'll do to her 37 years ago that will piss her off]]: [[spoiler:He proposed to her as part of an effort to expose a Zygon he thought was impersonating her, and then dumped her without even saying goodbye.]]

'''The Doctor:''' Gotta like Lance.\\
'''Donna:''' [[MoodWhiplash OI! No stupid Martian is gonna stop me from getting married. To hell with you!]] ''[runs off]''\\

'''The Doctor:''' ''[by this point beginning to show concern]'' That big picture, Donna, you keep on missing it.

-->'''Donna:''' You had the reception without me?\\

** This one gets funnier coming back after watching [[Recap/DoctorWho50thASTheDayOfTheDoctor "The Day of the Doctor"]], [[BrickJoke and knowing what exactly]] [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble he'll do to her 37 years ago that will piss her off]]: [[spoiler:He proposed to her as part of an effort to expose a Zygon he thought was impersonating her, and then dumped her.]]

** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYf5VDuEA2Y The Doctor and Donna try and fail to hail a taxi]]. [[FailingATaxi Emphasis on "fail". And "try" as well]].

-->'''The Doctor:''' Listen to me. You’ve got to jump!
-->'''Donna:''' I’m not jumping on a motorway!
-->'''The Doctor:''' Whatever that thing is, it needs you. And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good! Now, come on!
-->'''Donna:''' I'm in my ''wedding dress!''\\

-->'''Donna:''' [[DramaticIrony Wish you had a time machine.]] Then we could go back and get it right.
-->'''The Doctor:''' Yeah, yeah. But even if I did, I couldn’t go back on someone’s personal timeline. [[NoodleIncident Apparently]].

-->'''The Doctor:''' The question is, what did camouflaged robot mercenaries want with you? And how did you get inside the TARDIS? What's your job?\\

'''Donna:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Go on, just think about it! We'd make a great couple! And I'd get rid of the dog... and we could do up that back bedroom...]]

-->'''The Master:''' ''[to his Toclafane]'' Have you seen these things? This planet's amazing. Television in their ''stomachs''! Now ''that'' is evolution.
** The Master has watched ''WesternAnimation/TheClangers'' before. So we now know for certain what the Time Lords' hobbies are. The Doctor's is saving the world. The Master's is watching children's television shows...
* Jack ''has a whole entire ring of keys'', and has to hand one to the Doctor. Cue Jack struggling to get the key off and the Doctor looking impatient!

** Specifically, the fact that Jack doesn't sound upset, just disappointed that he wasn't awake at the time.

* The Master's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERd_EnQqtKE first cabinet meeting as Prime Minister]], which goes, well... the dialogue really speaks for itself.

''[the Master throws a stack of dossiers in the air, the contents scattering all across the table; the cabinet ministers are unimpressed]''\\
'''The Master:''' Oh go on, crack a smile! It's funny, isn't it? Albert? Funny? No? A little bit?\\
'''Albert Dumfries, MP:''' Uh, very funny, sir. But if we could get down to business, there is the matter of policy, of which we have very little–\\

'''The Master:''' ''[leans back in his chair]'' [[BoardToDeath This gas.]]\\

'''Albert:''' ''[spluttering]'' [[YoureInsane YOU'RE INSANE]]!!!\\
''[with the biggest grin imaginable through the mask, the Master [[InsultBackfire gives Albert two thumbs up]] while appearing to say "Yoouuu ''got it!''", before Albert falls face-forward onto the table, dead]''

* His speech about all the good people of England:

** The Master has watched ''WesternAnimation/TheClangers'' before. The Doctor has a hobby of saving the world. Apparently the Master has a hobby of watching children's television shows...

* When the Toclafane appear aboard the ''Valiant'' and are greeted by President Winters, they are very much ''not'' pleased by the last minute substitution:

** Works as a CallBack, as the Doctor suggested to Martha that when she got home she could tell everyone she met Shakespeare.

''[Donna, now standing in the TARDIS, turns around and gasps]''\\
'''The Doctor:''' What?\\

'''Donna:''' Well, obviously, when you kidnapped me! Who was it? Who's paying you?! Is it Nerys? Oh, my God, she's finally got me back. This has got Nerys written all over it! ''[the Doctor watches her rant, looking her up and down with utter confusion]''\\

'''Donna:''' Your best friend.\\

* The Doctor's LameComeback to Donna's repeated insults and calling him "Martian".
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[quietly]'' I'm not, I'm not... I'm not from Mars...

** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYf5VDuEA2Y The Doctor and Donna try to hail a taxi]]. [[FailingATaxi Emphasis on "fail"]].

** During Donna's rescue, two kids sitting in the back seat of a car are watching it all go down and they are REALLY getting into it. They start mouthing "jump!" when the Doctor tells Donna to jump and cheer when she finally does it.
* Donna's reply to the Doctor wondering why she's being targeted by the pilot fish:

** She missed the Sycorax invasion because of a hangover. And according to the [[Literature/DoctorWhoNovelisations novelization]] of [[Recap/DoctorWhoS27E1Rose "Rose"]], she missed out on the Auton invasion too.

'''Donna:''' Go on, just think about it! We'd make a great couple! And I'd get rid of the dog... and we could do up that back bedroom...

* Ten is reunited with his first true foe: the Christmas Trees OF DEATH!! (thank [=SpecialAgentRavage=] on Website/YouTube for the quote). Now with exploding Christmas balls.

** They're called ''Silurians''. Or ''Homo Reptilia''. Not dinosaurs.

* The Doctor, spying on the Judoon beginning their scan of the patients in the lobby, lights up when he realizes, "[[BrickJoke Oh, look at that!]] [[Recap/DoctorWhoS28E1NewEarth They've got a little shop! I like a little shop.]]"

''[The Doctor sees Donna standing there. She turns around and gasps at him.]''\\

'''Donna:''' ''[commandingly]'' Tell me where I am! I demand you tell me right now, where am I?!\\

'''The Doctor:''' Hold on, wait a minute...''[finally notices Donna's wedding dress]'' [[AskAStupidQuestion What're you dressed like that for?]]\\

* Donna realizes she's going to miss her wedding reception and the Doctor asks if she has a phone to contact her loved ones.
-->'''Donna:''' I'm in my wedding dress! It doesn't have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? [[SarcasmMode When I went to my fitting at Chez Alison, the one thing I forgot to say is "GIVE ME POCKETS!"]]
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[taken aback]'' This man you're marrying, what's his name?
-->'''Donna:''' ''[suddenly all loved-up]'' Lance.
-->'''The Doctor:''' Gotta like Lance.
-->'''Donna:''' [[MoodWhiplash OI! No stupid Martian is gonna stop me from getting married. To hell with you!]] ''[She runs off]''
-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[feebly]'' I'm... I'm not... I'm not... I'm not from Mars! ''[chases after her]''

-->'''Donna:''' Taxi! ''[it drives past]'' Why's his light on?\\

* The Doctor explaining H.C. Clements' ties to Torchwood, and finds that Donna seems to have a habit of missing out on big extraterrestrial events:

'''Donna''': Who are they?\\
'''The Doctor:''' They were behind the battle of Canary Wharf. ''[Blank silence from Donna]'' Cyberman invasion. ''[still blank silence]'' Skies over London full of Daleks?\\

** She missed the Sycorax invasion because of a hangover. And according to the novelization of "Rose", she missed out on the Auton invasion too.

-->'''Donna:''' [[UnreliableNarrator And he nagged... and he nagged me]]...
-->''[switch to flashback of Donna chasing Lance down a stairway]''
-->'''Donna:''' Go on, just think about it! We'd make a great couple! And I'd get rid of the dog... and we could do up that back bedroom...

-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[taking the stage]'' OI! Santa! Word of advice. If you’re attacking a man with a sonic screwdriver, ''[grabs the mike]'' don’t let him near the sound system! ''[jams the sonic into the sound deck, sending high pitched sonic waves throughout the room that take out all of the pilot fish]''

-->'''Empress:''' DO YOU WANT TO BE RELEASED?!\\

* The Doctor trying to catch Donna...which culminates her hitting the wall and landing on her back, accompanied by a very ''Looney Tunes''-esque clang and a blank look from the Racnoss.

* Towards the beginning, we get a scene where Martha is walking in a crowd, and then the Doctor abruptly walks up in front of her, takes off his tie and waves it at her while saying, "Like so! See?" It's completely bizarre and rather out-of-character for the Doctor to do. But then, as Martha and the other medical students are doing the rounds, they find the Doctor posing as a patient. Martha asks him about their encounter that morning, and the Doctor denies that it was him as he has been in bed all morning. Then, at the end of the episode, the Doctor mentions that he can travel through time, and Martha asks him to prove it. [[BrickJoke He goes into the TARDIS, and when he returns, he's holding his tie in his hand with a grin on his face]]. "Told ya."

** It's the Doctor — he probably ''did'' fail the GCSE for Magnetics on Gallifrey!

--->'''The Same Preacher:''' '''I TOLD THEE! I TOLD THEE!'''

''[The Doctor and Martha take off running. Shakespeare begins laughing madly as they disappear]''\\

-->'''Martha:''' What have you done to upset her?
-->'''The Doctor:''' How should I know? Haven’t even met her yet! That’s time travel for you. Still, can’t wait to find out! ''[Dematerializes the TARDIS, just as one of the guards puts an arrow in the TARDIS door]''

-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[entirely deadpan]'' Martha, before I change here's a list of instructions for when I'm human. One, don't let me hurt anyone. We can't have that, but you know what humans are like. Two, don't worry about the TARDIS. I'll put it on emergency power so they can't detect it, just let it hide away. Four- no...wait a minute, three! No getting involved in big historical events. Four, you. Don't let me abandon you. And five! Very important, five: Don't let me eat ''pears''. I ''hate'' pears. John Smith is a character I made up, but I won't know that. I'll think I am him, and he might do something stupid like eat a pear! In three months, I don't want to wake up from being human and taste that. And six: [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Now I have to talk for around about a minute without hesitation, deviation, or whatever the other thing is.]] It's like that panel game on Channel 4 like [[NamesTheSame Rory]] just pointed out. However, I'm going to move on and say number seven, and talk about my other favorite band, which is [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Housemartins The Housemartins]]. I don't know if anyone remembers The Housemartins, but the best gig I ever went to was at the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre in about December. It must have been 1990, and The Housemartins were playing, and it was quite simply the best gig I've ever been to. They split up quite soon afterwards, I don't know what that tells you about that particular event. I'm sitting in the TARDIS now, and I'm gonna wind up soon, but not before I make a few strange noises with my mouth that will go somewhere along the lines of bingle bongle dingle dangle yikkety-doo yikkety-daa ping pong lippy tappy too tah. And 23, if anything goes wrong, if they find us, Martha, then you know what to do. Open the watch.

* The Master's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERd_EnQqtKE first cabinet meeting as Prime Minister]], which goes, well...the dialogue really speaks for itself.

''[The Master throws a stack of dossiers in the air, the contents scattering all across the table; the cabinet ministers are unimpressed]''\\

'''Albert:''' ''[scoff]'' Yes, quite. Very funny, but I think...''[the Master stands up and cuts him off]''\\
'''The Master:''' No. No. ''That'' wasn't funny. ''[beat]'' Hmmm, you see, I'm not making myself very clear. "Funny" is like this. ''[[[TheUnsmile makes an exaggerated grin]]]'' "Not funny" is like this. ''[makes an exaggerated frowny face]'' And right now, I'm not like ''[grins]'', I'm like ''[frowns]'', because you are traitors. [[SuddenlyShouting YES, YOU ARE!!]] As soon as you saw the votes swinging ''my'' way, you abandoned your parties and you jumped on the Saxon bandwagon! So...''[sits down]'' ...''this'' is [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves your reward!]] ''[The Master puts on a facial gas mask]''\\

''[The speakers on the two table phones pop up and spray DeadlyGas into the room; all of the ministers begin choking on the fumes]''\\

** FridgeBrilliance or Fridge Humor when you realize that the Master is for once proud to be working out an agenda on his own rather than piggybacking off someone else's agenda and then double-crossing that party.

* The Master cycles through televised news reports about his first contact with the Toclafane. First a British newscast, then an American newscast, then a Chinese broadcast, then...[[VillainsOutShopping the Master watching the]] ''Series/{{Teletubbies}}!''

** The Master has watched ''WesternAnimation/TheClangers'' before. The Doctor has a hobby in saving the world. Apparently the Master has a hobby of watching children's television shows...

* [[ObliviousToLove "It's like when you fancy someone who doesn't know you exist."]] Jack and Martha exchange a look. "You too, huh?"
* Just about any time the Master speaks to President Winters is entertaining. The Master's trying to be as deliberately annoying as he can possibly be. Which, seeing as he's the Master, this is ''not'' hard.

'''President Winters:''' Mr. Saxon, I'm not sure what your game is but there are provisions at the United Nations to have you removed from office unless you are very, very careful. Is that understood? ''[The Master mimes zipping his lips]'' Are you taking this seriously? ''[The Master nods]'' To business. We've accessed your files on these...Toclafane. The first contact cannot take place on any sovereign soil. For that purpose, the aircraft carrier ''Valiant'' is en route. The rendezvous will take place there at 8:00 am. ''[The Master makes muffled sounds, trying to "speak" through zipped lips]'' You're trying my patience, sir.\\

'''President Winters:''' Since Britain elected an ass, yes. I'll see you onboard the ''Valiant''.\\

'''President Winters:''' Since it's too late to pull out, the world will be watching. ''Me''.

'''President Winters:''' ''[stammers]'' I... can be Master, if you so wish. I will accept mastery over you if that is God's will.\\

-->'''Donna:''' I'm in my wedding dress! It doesn't have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? When I went to my fitting, do you think I said "Alison, the one thing I forgot to say is GIVE ME POCKETS!"

'''Donna:''' Taxi! Oi! ''[another drives past with its For Hire light on]''\\

'''Donna:''' Scuba diving.\\

-->'''Donna:''' Go on, just think about it! We'd make a great couple! And I'd get rid of the dog... and we could do up that back bedroom.

-->'''The Doctor:''' ''[taking the stage]'' OI! Santa! Word of advice. If you’re attacking a man with a sonic screwdriver- ''[grabs the mike]'' don’t let him near the sound system. ''[jams the sonic into the sound deck, sending high pitched sonic waves throughout the room that take out all of the pilot fish]''

* Towards the beginning, we get a scene where Martha is walking in a crowd, and then (in their first meeting through the viewer's eyes) the Doctor comes out in front of her, takes off his tie and waves it at her while saying, "Like so! See?" It's completely bizarre and when Martha and the other medical students are doing the rounds, they find the Doctor posing as a patient. Martha asks him about their encounter that morning, and the Doctor denies that it was him as he has been in bed all morning. Much later, at the end of the episode, the Doctor mentions that he can travel through time, and Martha asks him to prove it. [[BrickJoke He goes into the TARDIS, and when he returns, he's holding his tie in his hand with a grin on his face]]. "Told ya."

'''The Doctor:''' ''[high-pitched]'' [[BigWhat Whaaaaat?!]]
** He and Martha get back to the TARDIS and dematerialize, but not before one of her guards puts an arrow in the door.

* The Master's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERd_EnQqtKE first act as Prime Minister]]. He spends a cabinet meeting insulting all of his ministers in the most over-the-top way possible, and then [[BoardToDeath gasses them all to death]].

'''The Master:''' No. No. ''That'' wasn't funny. ''[beat]'' Hmmm, you see, I'm not making myself very clear. "Funny" is like this. ''[[[TheUnsmile makes an exaggerated grin]]]'' "Not funny" is like this. ''[makes an exaggerated frowny face]'' And right now, I'm not like ''[grins]'', I'm like ''[frowns]'', because you are traitors. YES, YOU ARE!! As soon as you saw the votes swinging '''my''' way, you abandoned your parties and you jumped on the Saxon bandwagon! So...''[sits down]'' ...'''this''' is [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves your reward!]] ''[The Master puts on a facial gas mask]''\\

'''The Master:''' ''[leans back in his chair]'' This gas.\\

'''The Master:''' No. No. ''That'' wasn't funny. ''[beat]'' Hmmm, you see, I'm not making myself very clear. "Funny" is like this. ''[exaggerates a grin]'' "Not funny" is like this. ''[exaggerates a frowny face]'' And right now, I'm not like ''[grins]'', I'm like ''[frowns]'', because you are traitors. YES, YOU ARE!! As soon as you saw the votes swinging '''my''' way, you abandoned your parties and you jumped on the Saxon bandwagon! So! ''[sits down]'' '''This''' is [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves your reward!]] ''[The Master sits down and puts on a facial gas mask]''\\

-->'''Donna:''' [[MoodWhiplash OI! No stupid Martian is gonna stop me from getting married. To hell with you! ''[She runs off]''

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYf5VDuEA2Y The Doctor and Donna try to hail a taxi]]. [[FailingATaxi Emphasis on "fail"]].

'''First Cabbie:''' Stay off the sauce, darling!\\

** She missed the Sycorax invasion because of a hangover.

-->'''Donna:''' And he nagged... and he nagged me...

'''Lance:''' Donna... what happened to ya?\\

** Given this show, it probably ''has'' to have happened to the Doctor already... or ''will'' happen to him in the future.

* The Racnoss Empress attempting to get Donna and Lance to say their own terrible pun.

* The Doctor trying to catch Donna and her hitting the wall, which results in a very ''Looney Tunes''-esque clang and a blank look from the Racnoss.

* The episode contains one of the most glorious examples of a subtle BrickJoke ever, and the rare case of (for the audience) the punchline coming before the setup. Towards the beginning, we get a scene where Martha is walking in a crowd, and then (in their first meeting through the viewer's eyes) the Doctor comes out in front of her, takes off his tie and waves it at her while saying, "Like so! See?" It's completely bizarre and when Martha and the other medical students are doing the rounds, they find the Doctor posing as a patient. Martha asks him about their encounter that morning, and the Doctor denies that it was him as he has been in bed all morning. Much later, at the end of the episode, the Doctor mentions that he can travel through time, and Martha asks him to prove it. He goes into the TARDIS, and when he returns, he's holding his tie in his hand with a grin on his face! "Told ya."
* Florence Finnegan, a [[OurVampiresAreDifferent Plasmavore]] who drinks her victims' blood ''through a bendy straw!''

* The Doctor, spying on the Judoon beginning their scan of the patients looking for their Plasmavore, and saying "[[BrickJoke Oh, look at that!]] [[Recap/DoctorWhoS28E1NewEarth They've got a little shop! I like a little shop.]]"

'''Shakespeare:''' ''SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS!''\\

-->'''The Master:''' Now, then, Doctor! Oooh, new voice. Hello, hellooo, helllloooo! Anyway... why don't we sit down and have a nice little chat where I can tell you all my plans and you can work out a way to stop me, I ''don't'' think!
** When the Master escapes in the TARDIS, his final line is hilarious.
--->'''The Master:''' End of the universe! Have fun! Bye-bye!

* The Master [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERd_EnQqtKE walks into his first cabinet meeting]]. He spends the meeting insulting all of his ministers in the most over-the-top way possible (Creator/JohnSimm hamming it up marvelously), and then [[BoardToDeath gasses them all to death]].

'''The Master:''' It still ''will'' be televised, though, won't it? Because I promised, and the whole world is watching.\\

* When the Toclafane appear aboard the ''Valiant'' and are greeted by President Winters:

* Donna tries to leave a message for her mother on the phone:
-->'''Donna:''' Mum, get off the phone and listen. I'm in... ''[looks around]'' Oh, my God... I dunno where I am! It's... it's a street. And there's a WH Smith... but it's definitely Earth.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYf5VDuEA2Y The Doctor and Donna try to hail a taxi]]:

'''Donna:''' They think I'm drunk. ''[two men shout at Donna as they drive by in the other direction]''\\

** This cabbie kicks them out not too long after that, because they don't have cash and it's double rates due to the holiday. The Doctor tries to get money from an ATM, but he ends up stuck behind another guy who's being irritably slow, leading to a moment of the Doctor ''hopping up and down on both feet in impatience''. By the time the man leaves, the pilot fish are closing in, so he has to use his sonic screwdriver to cause the ATM to release an explosion of cash, resulting in a frantic crowd rushing to grab any banknotes they can get, distracting the pilot fish.

** Donna's sudden marriage proposal is met with a horrified look from Lance, and music worthy of a horrifying twist. FauxHorrific at its finest (up until TheReveal, that is).

''[very uncomfortable silence]''\\

'''The Doctor:''' Yes, I gathered.\\

-->'''The Doctor:''' But I don't understand it and I understand everything! This... this can't happen! There is no way a human being can lock itself onto the TARDIS and transport itself inside. It must be... ''[suddenly he's all energy, he grabs an ophthalmoscope and uses it to look into Donna's eyes, all the while muttering an endless flow of technobabble; Donna is stuck silent with confusion]'' Impossible. Some sort of subatomic connection? Something in the temporal field? Maybe something pulling you into alignment with the Chronon shell. Maybe something macro mining your DNA within the interior matrix. Maybe a genetic- ''[Donna slaps him]'' What was that for?!\\

** This cabbie kicks them out not too long after that, because they don't have cash and it's double rates due to the holiday. The Doctor tries to get money from an ATM, but he ends up stuck behind another guy who's being irritably slow, leading to a moment of the Doctor ''hopping up and down on both feet in impatience'''. By the time the man leaves, the pilot fish are closing in, so he has to use his sonic screwdriver to cause the ATM to release an explosion of cash, resulting in a frantic crowd rushing to grab any banknotes they can get, distracting the pilot fish.

** Then, when he recognises Novice Hame from "New Earth" and hugs her — before remembering that, "Last time we met you were breeding humans for experimentation!"

* The Doctor musing about how "New Amsterdam" (the Dutch's name for Manhattan when they founded it) doesn't have the same ring as "New York New York".

'''Albert:''' ''[scoff]'' Yes, quite. Very funny, but I think...''[The Master stands up and cuts him off]''\\

'''The Master:''' ''[lifts gas mask up]'' It's a gas mask. ''[He smiles pleasantly, chuckles, and lowers it back over his face]''\\

''[With the biggest grin imaginable through the mask, the Master [[InsultBackfire gives Albert two thumbs up]] while appearing to say "Yoouuu ''got it!''", before Albert falls face-forward onto the table, dead]''