History Funny / DeadLikeMe

--> '''Rube:''' Well said.

* Roxy running Mason over as he tries to steal from a parking meter.

* Roxy's way of dealing with a beligerant man arguing with her over a parking ticket.

* George EatingTheEyeCandy (meaning her co-worker Brennan.

** Doubles as a bit of a TearJerker when you see the slightly pained (mixed with confusion) expression on her mother's face. It's hard not to feel bad for her when she looks like that, considering her more recent history, and the way here daughters treated her at times.

* Rube trying to placate a large crowd of reaps with the same cause of death--a malfunctioning exercize machine blew holes in their stomachs.

-->'''Mason:''' Well, [[UnderStatement I'm not particularly reasonable.]]

* Gravelings [[spoiler: taking the day off. Cut to scene of Gravelings taking what could be best described as a smoke break]]. They then spend the rest of the day harassing the Reapers. Roxy said it best...

--> '''Daisy:''' Knew, blew, tomato, tomahto.

--> Roxy: Sir, I will say this as politely as I can. I will [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] you up.

--> Roxy: Sir, I will say this as politely as I can. I will [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] you up.

-->(door closes startling the couple) That's the wind.

* The scene where Roxy tries to stab Mason because he tried to steal her a hash brown from her plate. Mason comments "I've never seen such violence over such small potatoes!" Rube tells him that was [[ActuallyPrettyFunny almost clever]]. Mason completely fails to get it - either he doesn't know that hash browns are made from potato or he doesn't know what the expression "small potatoes" means - and Rube gives up on trying to explain.

-->'''Betty:''' I'm not staying. I've got an appointment downtown. *looks concerned* I hope it's not another dead hooker...

-->''I wanna eat your face! I wanna rip off your skin, turn them into pajamas and wear them to bed!''

* Crystal the receptionist has a boyfriend. ''Really''.

* Daisy, Mason and George trying to explain to a crazy elderly woman that she has died. They resort to acting out a scenario in which Mason plays her husband and Daisy plays her daughter. George pauses the scene to point out "Your husband- WILLIAM. Your daughter- BETH." When told his "wife" is dead, Mason asks "Dead? Your mother? DEAD? Nina, sitting right there? Dead? [[BadBadActing Woe is us! Woe is me!]] Just wooooe! Really [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] dead?"

* Daisy, Mason and George trying to explain to a crazy elderly woman that she has died. They resort to acting out a scenario in which Mason plays her husband and Daisy plays her daughter. George pauses the scene to point out "Your husband- WILLIAM. Your daughter- BETH." When told his "wife" is dead, Mason asks "Your mother? DEAD? Nina, dead? Really [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] dead? [[BadBadActing Woe is us! Woe is me!]]"

-->'''George:''' ''(voiceover)'' I felt something I had never felt before - a hand on my ass. Who the hell was cupping my ass? Probably that perv from IS. ''(looks at Delores)'' Oh, god, I '''hope''' it was that perv from IS...

-->'''Mason''': It landed on my wank... My wank is the key.

* George is attempting to break into a house but is failing. In the midst of her frustrated outburst a very drunk/high Mason walks straight into the locked door, falls back and lands on the ground, and a spare key which had been hidden on the door frame is dislodged and lands on his crotch. He then tearfully delivers the line:
-->'''Mason''': It landed on my wank... My wank is the key.
----

-->Roxy: I'm gonna get a bird.
-->Mason: Don't get a bird.
-->Roxy: Why not?
-->Mason: Because they're weird. Man, I can't relate to a bird. They're so far removed, and got different... chromosomes. And they come from eggs.
-->Roxy: They got faces.
-->Mason: So do cockroaches. ... What're you gonna do with a bird?
-->Roxy: Stick it in a cage and feed it, what do you think I'm gonna do with it?
-->Mason: Well I think you should at least get one you can eat.
-->Roxy: I'm gonna get a friend. I'm not gonna eat my friend!
-->Mason: They have brains the size of pistachios, it's not smart enough to be a friend.
-->Roxy: You don't know what you're talking about. I saw this special on PBS called Animal Miracles, and they did a dramatic reenactment about a guy being robbed and he had a parrot or a cockatoo or something, and that bird lost its shit when its owner was attacked. It opened up its cage--
-->Mason: Why would you put a bird in a cage if it can open the door?
-->Roxy: Where else are you gonna put it?! It opened up its cage and went crazy. Pet stabbed the robber's eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippy Hedren or some shit, and don't you tell me that's not friendship.
-->Mason: How big was his parrot?
-->Roxy: I don't know, parrot size.
-->Mason: Well, a parrot can't take on a full grown man unless that man is a big pussy.
-->Roxy: I didn't say the parrot won. The robber stabbed it with a fork and killed its owner. The bird's dead.
-->Mason: So why are you getting a bird?
-->Roxy: It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker, I'm gonna get a friend!
-->Mason: Jesus.

* Rube trying to placate a large crowd of reaps with the same cause of death--a malfunctioning exercize machine blew holes in their stomachs.

-->Roxy: Where else are you gonna put it?! It opened up its cage and went crazy. Pet dabbed the robber's eyes, scratched his face up like he was Tippy Hedren or some shit, and don't you tell me that's not friendship.

-->Mason: Because they're weird. Man, I can't relate to a bird that so far and moved and got different... chromosomes. And they come from eggs.

** The scene in episode 3 where Roxy talks to Mason about getting a pet bird.
** Also for Season 2 Episode "The Ledger" when Roxy shoots Mason.