History Funny / CodexEquus

* In another shout-out to the hilarious antics of Looping!Leman Russ from [[{{FanFic/TheInfiniteLoops}} the Infinite Loops spin-off]], Fanged Paw at one point was refused a request by Inquisitor Adamantia for her to use her inquisitorial powers to requisition a vehicle, just because he wanted to take Rainbow Dash out with him for ''joyriding''. He even tried to tug her sympathy by lifting and having one of his enormous war-wolf companions do puppy-dog eyes, much to the Inquisitor's own incredulity.
--> '''[[TheComicallySerious Prince Crimson Star:]]''' "[[DeadpanSnarker Brother, have you had a stressful day?]]"

--> '''Flœrð''': "The same answer to how many I had tricked, pranked or eaten: [[UpToEleven I've LOST COUNT]]."

* A Codexverse drabble reveals what exactly happened a few weeks ago: A Terran chef, Gilded Stove, who is secretly an agent of Autorist factions both in and out of the Terran Empire, tried to score a victory by [[TamperingWithFoodAndDrink lacing Golden Scepter's spaghetti with poisonous acid]]. What he didn't know that [[TimeAbyss having lived for millions of years]], Golden Scepter is used to assassination attempts, and is so disappointed in what he saw as a pathetic and completely uncreative attempt to kill him that he snidely gives Gilded Stove a suggestion to seek an apprenticeship under his demi-divine sons... who all think that their father is being genuine and beg Golden Scepter to reconsider. Even funnier is Golden Scepter informing Gilded Stove that [[ShameIfSomethingHappened he can't guarantee the chef's safety if he does decide to learn how to become a better assassin]]. Gilded Stove ultimately decides to surrender and turn himself in rather than face a likely horrible death at the hooves of all nineteen Terran Princes, who are ''very'' angry with him for trying to murder their father.

'''Emperor Golden Scepter:'''...Well, you get the picture. There is a lot of choices for you to make, but do keep in mind that should you ever decide to become a student of any of my sons, I cannot guarantee your physical and mental safety. My sons ARE leaders of their own legions, after all... So what will it be, Gilded Stove? Do you want to learn? Or do you want to make your life easier by doing the right thing instead?

* In another shout-out to the hilarious antics of Looping!Leman Russ from [[{{FanFic/TheInfiniteLoops}} the Infinite Loops spin-off]], Fanged Paw at one point was refused a request by Inquisitor Adamantia for her to use her inquisitorial powers to requisition a vehicle, just because he wanted to take Rainbow Dash out with him for joyriding. He even tried to tug her sympathy by lifting and having one of his war-wolf companions do puppy-dog eyes, much to the Inquisitor's own incredulity.

* A recent drabble revealed that while a peerless demigod warrior, leader and hero, there are some things which to say he simply isn't good at would be an... UnderStatement. He once ''accidentally'' summoned very confused demons and a storm inside the Terran Imperial Palace... while [[ShoutOut trying]] [[LethalChef to]] [[EpicFail make]] '''''[[{{FanFic/TheInfiniteLoops}} TOAST]]'''''.

* Valefor, an enemy of future Dragon Lord Pyro II, had for his ultimate goal awakening and unleashing an ancient primordial demon to ravage the world. And he wanted to do this because... actually, nobody knows for sure exactly ''why'' he wants to do it, not even Pyro II himself. It seems for all his evil and the threat he poised, Valefor apparently had no logical motive for his apocalyptic ambitions other than [[ForThEvulz because he simply wanted to]], [[DisappointedByTheMotive which confused everyone to no end]].

* While visiting the Bogolenya Deer pantheon during one of his adventures, he would hear about puns for the first time. [[FishOutOfTemporalWater Having never heard of such a thing in his time]], he would get curious enough to [[TemptingFate ask Yarost about it]]...

** Prince Crimson Star's reaction to it is as equally indifferent and nonchalant as his father's.
---> '''Prince Crimson Star:''' [[WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice Just refrain from breathing through your noses, and we should be fine]].

--> '''Fanged Paw:''' '''''GREETINGS, MY SCHOLARLY BROTHERS! I HAVE COME BACK FROM-''''' o-oh...\\

* When Crystal Prism and Midnight Bell heard of Scarlet Bell's past adventures, they were so surprised that they exclaimed, "Holy shit!" together. Scarlet, being a CoolOldLady, would only reply, "Hehe, 'holy shit' indeed."

* A scientist introduces a new self-moving cannon to Celestia and Luna. The targeting system leaves...[[EpicFail much to be desired]]. At one point it even tries targeting ''itself''...and fails. Even funnier? It's based off a real world thing.

--> '''Golden Scepter:''' What are... puns?\\

'''Golden Scepter:''' Why, pray tell?\\

* In one incident, a Griffon Autorist tried assassinating Golden Scepter for opposing the Autorist movement by sending him a [[MysticalPlague magical plague bomb]], which was thankfully stopped and contained by his twelfth son, Prince Death Shroud. However, instead of being understandably rattled by the fact that someone tried to kill him with an explosive full of deadly diseases, Golden Scepter is [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight rather nonchalant about it]] and treats the plague bomb like he had just found a really dirty sock.
--> '''Golden Scepter:''' This smells slightly better than [[TamperingWithFoodAndDrink the poison one of my chefs tried lacing my spaghetti with]] a few weeks ago.

'''Phykti:''' Hehehehehehehehe!

[[folder:Mignons, the Yellow Minions]]
* Just the sheer fact that the [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe Minions]] are canon to the Codexverse as "Mignons". They even give [[BizarreAlienBiology a perfectly valid reason for how they can survive the amount of slapstick the Minions go through in the films]].
--->'''Sweetie Belle:''' [[{{Squee}} Eeeee! So cuuute!]]
[[/folder]]

* In one incident, a Griffon Autorist tried assassinating Golden Scepter for opposing the Autorist movement by sending him a magical plague bomb, which was thankfully stopped and contained by his twelfth son, Prince Death Shroud. However, instead of being understandably rattled by the fact that someone tried to kill him with an explosive full of deadly diseases, Golden Scepter is [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight rather nonchalant about it]] and treats the plague bomb like he had just found a dirty sock.

** What makes this doubly hilarious is that the plague bomb itself is ''very'' foul-smelling - so much that even Death Shroud himself apparently [[ClusterFBomb unleashed a string of inflammatory curses]]. That must mean that Golden Scepter's aforementioned poison-laced spaghetti smelled ''so bad'' that the plague bomb's odor seemed "slightly" mild in comparison.
** Prince Crimson Star's reaction to the situation is equally indifferent and nonchalant as his father's.
---> '''Crimson Star:''' [[WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice Just refrain from breathing through your noses, and we should be fine]].

* Just the sheer fact that the [[WesternAnimation/DespicableMe Minions]] are canon to the Codexverse. They even give [[BizarreAlienBiology a perfectly valid reason for how they can survive the amount of slapstick the Minions go through in the films]].

* Valefor, an enemy of future Dragon Lord Pyro II, had for his ultimate goal awakening and unleashing an ancient primordial demon to ravage the world. And he wanted to do this because... actually, nobody knows for sure exactly ''why'' he wants to do it, not even Pyro II himself. It seems for all his evil and the threat he poised, [[ForTheEvulz Valefor apparently had no logical motive for his apocalyptic ambitions]], [[DisappointedByTheMotive which confused everyone to no end]].

** What makes this doubly hilarious is that the plague bomb itself is ''very'' foul-smelling - so much that even Death Shroud himself apparently [[ClusterFBomb unleashed a string of inflammatory curses]]. That must mean that Golden Scepter's aforementioned poison-laced spaghetti smelled ''so bad'' that the plague bomb's odor seemed mild in comparison.

* The scholarly Prince Crimson Star, the eighth son of Emperor Golden Scepter, believes that all knowledge should be pursued no matter what the subject is. Then the entry adds, "Give or take a few exceptions..."

** What makes this hilarious is that the plague bomb itself is ''very'' foul-smelling - so much that even Death Shroud himself apparently [[ClusterFBomb unleashed a string of inflammatory curses]]. That must mean that Golden Scepter's aforementioned poison-laced spaghetti smelled ''so bad'' that the plague bomb's odor seemed mild in comparison.

** What makes this hilarious is that the plague bomb itself is ''very'' foul-smelling - so much that even Death Shroud himself apparently [[ClusterFBomb unleashed a string of inflammatory curses]]. That must mean that Golden Scepter's aforementioned poison-laced spaghetti must have smelled ''so bad'' that the plague bomb's odor seemed mild in comparison.

** After Pokhot helped bring down a rather misandric and vengeful doe who founded a cult that targeted even innocent Deer stags for their supposed "crimes", Phykti couldn't resist making her own comments on the situation. [[LamePunReaction Pokhot was less than impressed]].

[[folder:Golden Scepter, the Radiant Emperor of Ponykind]]
* Golden Scepter's entry includes a subtle TakeThat towards ''TabletopGame/Warhammer40000'', specifically the origins of the [[GodEmperor Emperor of Mankind]] - when he heard that some tabletop game writers made a theory of him [[MergerOfSouls being the collective reincarnation of various Pony mages, wizards, and sorcerers]], Golden Scepter reportedly ''laughed'', and praised the writers' creativity.
* While visiting the Bogolenya Deer pantheon during one of his adventures, he would hear about puns for the first time. [[FishOutOfTemporalWater Having never heard of such a thing in his time]], he would get curious enough to [[TemptingFate ask Yarost about it]]...
--> '''Golden Scepter:''' What are... puns?\\
'''Yarost:''' ...I think you should leave this place as fast as you can before you suffer a fate worse than death itself, Emperor.\\
'''Golden Scepter:''' Why, pray tell?\\
'''Yarost:''' ...SHE might come.
* As a response to a question posed by one of his sons, Prince Emerald Lion, Golden Scepter apparently decided to [[TooMuchInformation tell his sons stories]] about the Alicorn Civilization's "[[FreeLoveFuture free-love future]]", as well as [[ParentalSexualitySquick his own sex life]]. This horrified and traumatized his sons so much that his eighth son, Prince Crimson Star, apparently bolted out of the royal Terran palace screaming and [[IgnoringBySinging singing]] at the top of his lungs, while his thirteenth son, Prince Written Word, was later found holed up in his room coiled in a TroubledFetalPosition.
* Mixed with Awesome, one incident had Golden Scepter be confronted by Poena, the goddess of Punishment, and a small group of her followers for decrying them publicly as deluded extremists. He proceeded to [[CurbStompBattle utterly wipe the floor with them]]... only for Katharsis to show up shortly after to take pictures of the losers, confusing the hell out of Golden Scepter, as if he had never heard of people doing that to their enemies before.
* The fact that Golden Scepter birthed ''nineteen sons'' during his marriage to the mortal pegasus mare, Blessed Skies, with somehow no daughter in-between, is hilarious in itself - once, during a visit to the Terran Empire, Trixie Lulamoon discovered to her dismay that the royal family consisted of ''only'' divine Alicorn stallions. Golden Scepter reportedly found her subsequent reaction [[ActuallyPrettyFunny so hilarious]] that he laughed in acknowledgement.
--> '''Trixie Lulamoon:''' It's nothing but a SAUSAGE FEST in here!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Elske Titanna]]
A lot of what Elske the Jotunn Goddess of Love does is freaking hilarious as it is awesome and heartwarming.
----
* Once, when an evil ice dragon of monstrous power who was slain ages again in Jotunnheim is about to be resurrected, and the Jotunn Love Goddess Elske and War Goddess Astrid were sent by their divine father to prevent his return. Elske, having got to him first, was so fascinated by the sight of such a being coming back from the dead she proceeded pepper the creature with questions and quips even as he spewed ice at her and tore the landscape with his claws. The resurrected ice dragon eventually grew so tired of Elske's fangirling that he ''[[DrivenToSuicide threw himself into a volcano to get away from her]]''. That's right - completely unintentionally, Elske managed to defeat their foe by quite literally ''[[TalkingTheMonsterToDeath jabbering the monster to death]]''.
*** Even more hilarious were the reactions to this feat: Astrid arrived just in time to witness the undead frost wyrm throw himself into a volcano, having dithered to grab as many Jotunn and non-Jotunn heroes and worshipers with promises of 'an epic battle!'. According to Elske, Astrid would end up [[ClusterFBomb 'invented all the profanities']] used by Jotunns and Deers to this day. The necromancer who resurrected the frost wyrm found his defeat so hilarious he quite literally [[DieLaughing laughed himself to death]]. His ghost is ''still laughing'' in Astrid's innards even after his body and surviving minions were eaten by Astrid as compensation for being denied an epic battle.

[[folder:Elske]]

[[folder:Flœrð]]

[[folder:Phykti]]

** One time, [[TemptingFate Yarost declared that if Phykti makes one more pun in his presence]], [[LamePunReaction he'll jump down a nearby cliff]]. [[TheGadfly Phykti]] responded by commenting that she finds that '[[IncrediblyLamePun kind of EDGY]]'...

** In their sister Pokhot's entry, Pokhot got mad at Phykti when her puns drove Yarost to [[SuperWindowJump defenestrate himself through her best stained-glass window]] just to get away from them.

** And after Pokhot helped bring down a rather misandric and vengeful doe who founded a cult that targeted even innocent Deer stags for their supposed "crimes", Phykti couldn't resist making her own comments on the situation. [[LamePunReaction Pokhot was less than impressed]].

[[folder:Golden Scepter]]

[[folder:Prince Crimson Star]]

--> '''''[[WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice "LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR THIS, I DON'T WANT TO BE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE!!!"]]'''''
---> -- Attributed to '''Prince Crimson Star, the Red Scholar''', who reportedly ran out of the royal Terran palace screaming after his father, '''Emperor Golden Scepter''', [[TooMuchInformation started telling his sons stories]] about the Alicorn Civilization's "[[FreeLoveFuture free-love future]]" as well as [[ParentalSexualitySquick his own sex life]].

[[folder:Prince Fanged Paw]]

* At one point, Golden Scepter apparently decided it was a good idea to [[TooMuchInformation tell his sons stories]] about the Alicorn Civilization's "[[FreeLoveFuture free-love future]]", as well as [[ParentalSexualitySquick his own sex life]]. This horrified and traumatized his sons so much that his eighth son, Prince Crimson Star, apparently bolted out of the royal Terran palace screaming and [[IgnoringBySinging singing]] at the top of his lungs, while his thirteenth son, Prince Written Word, was later found holed up in his room coiled in a TroubledFetalPosition.

A lot of what Elske the Jotunn Goddess of Love does is freaking hilarious as it is awesome and heartwarming.\

* A lot of what Elske the Jotunn Goddess of Love does is freaking hilarious as it is awesome and heartwarming.
** Once, when an evil ice dragon of monstrous power who was slain ages again in Jotunnheim is about to be resurrected, and the Jotunn Love Goddess Elske and War Goddess Astrid were sent by their divine father to prevent his return. Elske, having got to him first, was so fascinated by the sight of such a being coming back from the dead she proceeded pepper the creature with questions and quips even as he spewed ice at her and tore the landscape with his claws. The resurrected ice dragon eventually grew so tired of Elske's fangirling that he ''[[DrivenToSuicide threw himself into a volcano to get away from her]]''. That's right - completely unintentionally, Elske managed to defeat their foe by quite literally ''[[TalkingTheMonsterToDeath jabbering the monster to death]]''.
*** Even more hilarious were the reactions to this feat: Astrid arrived just in time to witness the undead frost wyrm throw himself into a volcano, having dithered to grab as many heroes and worshippers Jotunn or not with promises of 'an epic battle!'. According to Elske, Astrid would end up [[ClusterFBomb 'invented all the profanities']] used by Jotunns and Deers to this day. The necromancer who resurrected the frost wyrm found his defeat so hilarious he quite literally [[DieLaughing laughed himself to death]]. His ghost is ''still laughing'' in Astrid's innards even after his body and surviving minions were eaten by Astrid as compensation for being denied an epic battle.
* After the Changelings' aeons-long masquerade was finally broken, Crown Prince Bramble of Thicket started musing on how likely it is for a Changeling, like Emperor Blackthorn, to hide in the Alvslog Forest Realm in plain sight as one of them until the time came to strike. It just so happened that [[CanonForeigner CAPTAIN]] [[NamesTheSame Blackthorn]] arrives at the wrong time in the middle of the conversation, causing the royal family to imprison him for two days, under heavy guard and constantly probed by Seers and Druids [[ImproperlyParanoid until everyone was fully convinced]] that he ''wasn't'' [[JanitorImpersonationInfiltration a Changeling Emperor in disguise]].

* A scientist introduces a new self moving cannon to Celestia and Luna. The targeting system leaves...[[EpicFail much to be desired]]. At one point it even tries targeting ''itself''...and fails. Even funnier? It's based off a real world thing.

* Valefor, an enemy of future Dragon Lord Pyro II, had for his ultimate goal awakening and unleashing an ancient primordial demon to ravage the world. And he wanted to do this because... actually, nobody knows for sure exactly ''why'' he wants to do it, not even Pyro II. It seems for all his evil and the threat he poised, [[ForTheEvulz Valefor apparently had no logical motive for his apocalyptic ambitions]], [[DisappointedByTheMotive which confused everyone to no end]].
--> '''Pyro II:''' [[LampshadeHanging Honestly, it made no thrice-damned sense whatsoever]].
* Golden Scepter's entry includes a subtle TakeThat towards ''TabletopGame/Warhammer40000'', specifically the origins of the Emperor of Mankind - when he heard that some tabletop game writers made a theory of him [[MergerOfSouls being the collective reincarnation of various Pony mages, wizards, and sorcerers]], Golden Scepter reportedly ''laughed'', and praised the writers' creativity.

** And after Pokhot helped bring down a rather misandric and vengeful doe who made a cult that targeted even innocent Deer stags for their "crimes", Phykti couldn't resist making her own comments on the situation. [[LamePunReaction Pokhot was less than impressed]].

* On top of being heroic and cunning, Flœrð the Hoyklan God of Trickery, Deceit and Mischief is famous/infamous for being a ChivalrousPervert who ReallyGetsAround. So much, in fact, that in a canonical drabble, when during the events of the 'Final Ragnarok' [[GondorCallsForAid he called in his children and grandchildren to aid them in their greatest hour of need]], A [[TheCavalry WHOLE ARMY of gods and demigods turned up as reinforcements]], significantly bolstering their forces. And the kicker was that it's still ''barely a splinter of the whole tree''. His baffled siblings are left stunned and wondering just how many partners had Flœrð slept with.
--> '''Flœrð''': "The same answer to how many I had tricked, pranked or eaten: [[UpToEleven I've LOST COUNT]]."
* One canonized drabble has Quarter Hearts aka [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda Gleaming Shield, the Hero of Time]] facing off against a platoon of Storm Warriors led by a Yeti captain. The Yeti mocks the 'prissy pansy' Pony for daring to face them, thinking he's just a pacifistic pushover who doesn't even know what's a weapon like the other Equestrians. Quarter hearts responded by bringing out [[ImprobableWeaponUser a strange bird]], throwing it at them, and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere running like demons are on his tail]]. One smash-cut later, the SoleSurvivor of the platoon is reduced to a quivering mess on the floor of his cell, [[MadnessMantra repeating over and over again]] about "The beaks... the beaks...!". That's right, the Hero of Time just defeated an entire platoon of the Storm Empire's forces by having the Codexverse's expy of [[TheDreaded the]] [[LethalJokeCharacter Cuccos]] [[ZergRush swarm]] ''[[DeathByAThousandCuts peck them]] [[CurbstompBattle to death]]''.
* Flœrð, Ljoss and Mjolna couldn't keep a straight face for much of the rehearsal for Flœrð's 'betrayal' while preparing for 'Final Ragnarok', especially when he said lines for his FaceHeelTurn. It's implied Flœrð was merely joking to ease tension leading up to the struggle ahead. And [[ThePrankster trolling Changeling Queen Ithomii]], who's helping with directing the deception.
--> "[[EvilLaugh Mwahahaha]]! [[YouFool You FOOLS!]]" Flœrð declared, [[LargeHam with all his dramatic flair]], [[ReadingIn holding and reading a script]] in his divine magic, "[[CaptainObvious I had fooled you all]], for [[FaceHeelTurn I had intended to betray you]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment foolish fools]] [[EvilAllAlong all along]]! Now I shall [[KillItWithFire cast down Hoygard in flames]] and [[TakeOverTheWorld plunge Cervidia in mischief and mayhem]]! I will [[BigEater feast upon the delicious mortals by the hundred thousands]], [[ReallyGetsAround sleep with all the]] [[IHaveYouNowMyPretty beautiful queens and princesses]], [[PokeThePoodle kick every puppy I come across]] and... and..." He snorted, and then collapsed in utter hilarity, joined by the laughter of his siblings.
** Doubly hilarious when you consider he prank/trick people, eats whole kingdoms ([[PayEvilUntoEvil That are corrupt/evil]]) and sleep with ''A LOT'' of females ([[ChivalrousPervert With consent and genuine affection]]), meaning he's basically boasting about doing what he is ''already doing'' on a regular basis when he turns evil.
* The scholarly Prince Crimson Star, eighth son of the Radiant Emperor of Ponykind Golden Scepter, believes that all knowledge should be pursued no matter what the subject is. Then the entry adds "Give or take a few exceptions..."

** Meanwhile, Crimson Star's younger brother, Prince Written Word, was later found holed up in his room coiled in a TroubledFetalPosition.

* Phykti, the Baroness of Pain, is notorious for (among other things) making puns so bad that it counts as torture in itself. Yarost, her elder brother, couldn't stand it either. One time, [[TemptingFate Yarost declared that if Phykti makes one more pun in his presence]], [[LamePunReaction he'll jump down a nearby cliff]]. [[TheGadfly Phykti]] responded by commenting that she finds that '[[IncrediblyLamePun kind of EDGY]]'...
--> '''Narration''': Incidentally, the cliff was later renamed 'Yarost's Fall'.
** In their sister Pokhot's entry, Pokhot got mad at Phykti when her puns drove Yarost to [[SuperWindowJump defenestrate himself through her best stained-glass window]] just to get away from them.

--> -- Attributed to '''Prince Crimson Star, the Red Scholar''', who reportedly ran out of the royal Terran palace screaming after his father, '''Emperor Golden Scepter''', [[TooMuchInformation started telling his sons stories]] about the Alicorn Civilization's "[[FreeLoveFuture free-love future]]" as well as [[ParentalSexualitySquick his own sex life]].
** His brother Written Word, meanwhile, was later found holed up in his room coiled in a TroubledFetalPosition.