History Funny / CodexAlera

* Maximus is a walking funny moment. This is possibly because his ChivalrousPervert ways (One word: ''twins'') are more than slightly reminiscent of Thomas Raith (''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' by the same author), another wisecracking, longsuffering and HypercompetentSidekick to a main character who specialises in CrazyAwesome and IndyPloy.

--->'''Ehren:''' ''(while holding a torch)'' It happens all the time. Especially when a Leion's taken a beating. Nervous archers on watch. They're tired. Half-asleep. They hear something. Thwang, wham. Then they shout "Who goes there?" while you bleed.\\
'''Tavi:''' Look at all the discarded helmets. The holes punched in the top. Ancient Romanic writings we found at Appia mention a weapon that could do that - they called it a 'falx'.\\

'''Tavi:''' ''I'm'' more worried about some enterprising young Cane who doesn't see eye to eye with Varg and Nasaug putting a couple of balest bolts through our backs.\\

* On the subject of how the Canim just sail ''around'' leviathans instead of the Alerans using "witchmen" to have their ships be left alone whenever they venture into leviathan territory:

* Max complains about the Canim cavalry mounts, which are bull-sized mules called taurga.

** But it ''does'' interrupt a tender moment between Tavi and Kitai. By rearing up and tossing them both 20 feet away. Into a small swamp. Made even better by how Max, Durias, ''and even Anag and Varg'' are all visibly struggling not to laugh at Kitai and Tavi stuck in the mud.

* Doroga [[DeadpanSnarker turning the snark on]] centuries of Aleran tradition when mediating a DuelToTheDeath. Made even better by how High Lord Antillus is giving Doroga a DeathGlare during his snark while Isana is just smiling to herself.

** Earlier in that same book, Doroga had been very impressed by Isana using snow to defend against a very powerful lightning attack:

* The culmination of Kitai's running gag about how she wanted a horse, but got Tavi. After using Tavi as bait to draw out a Vord Queen, Kitai remarks that Tavi makes a great "stalking cow". Tavi wearily corrects her that the term is "stalking horse", and Kitai then pauses to ask what kind of idiot would risk harming a perfectly good horse.

* Captain Cyril explaining that the First Aleran Legion isn't like most other Legions:

'''Tavi:'''...Well, not right this minute. You could at least try to help me come up with something, Fade.\\
'''Fade:'''...[[ImAHumanitarian Marat eat Alerans]].\\

* This exchange:

'''Enna:''' ''(as Tavi continues to look for his, now somehow even'' more ''embarrassed than he already was)'' Is he ''always'' pink like that? Or is it merely something that he does to amuse you?\\

* In the prologue, as Tavi and Kitai are fervently kissing in the grass after he failed to summon a boulder fury, Kitai's cousin Enna (and acting centurion for the First Aleran's cavalry regiments) [[InterruptedIntimacy interrupts them]] due to Ehren having returned to report on the Canim's movements. However, Enna takes the time [[EatingTheEyeCandy to blatantly appreciate]] [[MrFanservice a blushing, shirtless Tavi]] [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight as she and Kitai amiably chat]].

'''Enna:''' ''(as Tavi continues to look for his, now somehow even ''more'' embarrassed than he already was)'' Is he ''always'' pink like that? Or is it merely something that he does to amuse you?\\

-->'''Tavi:''' So... I want you gone, and you want to ''be'' gone. Perhaps we can work something out?\\
'''Nasaug:''' That would be possible in a [[OnlySaneMan rational world, perhaps,]] [[DeadpanSnarker but we are in Alera.]]

* Isana seriously tells Tavi they need to talk (about him being Gaius' grandson). An ''incredibly'' flustered Tavi instead assumes she's talking about the rumors that he's having orgies with the Marat women.
* Every time Isana and Kitai have a private talk is absolutely ''hilarious'' because of how frank the Marat woman is about her... relationship with Tavi. Most notably, there's when Isana asks Kitai to talk about Tavi during their time in Alera Imperia, and she excitedly launches into a whole spiel about her and Tavi's activities, [[TooMuchInformation including what he can do with his mouth]], sending a mortified Isana stammering and trying desperately to get Kitai to stop talking.
-->'''Kitai:''' He didn't know what he was doing at first. Except with his mouth. ''(smirks to herself)'' But then, [[DoubleEntendre he was always quite clever with]] ''[[DoubleEntendre that]]''.

* Varg's reaction after Tavi gives him an Aleran ship biscuit to eat: Namely, to visibly wince and mutter "[[{{Touche}} Alerans may be hardier than I thought]]."

** On a related note, Isana notices Kitai give a sunny smile to one sailor who has a nasty cut on his chin, who then visibly flinches in fear and finds something else to occupy his time with.

* Before the prologue is featured a poem found inscribed within the ruins of Appia. Clearly authored by a ''legionare'', it is a solemn elegy; a lament for Rome, their lost mother. [[MoodWhiplash And then, scratched in crude lettering, there’s the addendum:]]

* On the subject of sailing around leviathans:
-->"Respect is elder to convenience."\\
"And if you didn't respect them, they'd eat you."\\
"Survival is also elder to convenience."
* Valiar Marcus is giving language lessons to a Canim officer, and is trying to tactfully explain the difference between telling someone they have a weak sense of smell and telling them that they smell bad. The Canim takes the criticism badly, and lunges at Marcus. The old Centurion is prepared, however, and body slams the 9-foot-tall wolfman into a daze... and then continues correcting his grammar as if nothing had happened.

-->'''Max''': What if they start talking about some kind of theory I have no clue about?\\
'''Tavi''': Just do what you do when the Maestros ask you a question during lecture and you don't know the answer.\\
'''Max''': Belch?

* Tavi's reaction to his BigDamnKiss with Kitai is first shock, but it then becomes ''considerably'' more enthusiastic on his end once she essentially ''drags him off'' to another room so they can keep kissing without interruption.

* [[invoked]] Tavi has just had a huge SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome by destroying Riva's nigh-impenetrable wall by bringing up and freezing giant plants around the gate, and then using a fireball to shatter it. What's his reaction upon seeing this work? "Crap, I didn't mean to THAT much damage. I'm gonna have to pay Riva a LOT to fix this mess."

* Isana seriously tells Tavi they need to talk (about him being Gaius' grandson). An ''incredibly'' flustered Tavi assumes she's talking about the rumors that he's having orgies with the Marat women.
* Every time Isana and Kitai have a private talk is absolutely ''hilarious'' because of how frank the Marat is about her... relationship. Such as when Isana asks Kitai to talk about Tavi, and she launches into a whole spiel about her and Tavi's activities, including what he can do with his mouth, sending Isana stammering and trying desperately to get Kitai to stop talking.
-->'''Kitai:''' He didn't know what he was doing at first. Except with his mouth. ''(smirks to herself)'' But then, he was always quite clever with ''that''.

* At one point, Araris and Isana are talking and Araris mentions how he dislikes being on the ship with the Cane; he smells like wet dog. A little while later:
-->'''Varg:''' ''(growls something in Canim, [[ActuallyPrettyFunny causing Tavi to laugh]])''\\

'''Tavi:''' That he’s glad to get off this ship. He says it smells like wet people here.
* Ehren in response to a CrazyEnoughToWork plan:

'''Ehren:''' The plan is insane. ''You'' [[SuccessThroughInsanity are insane]]... [[ItMakesSenseInContext I'll need some pants]].
* Tavi gives a speech declaring his true identity (Gaius Octavian, the rightful heir to the throne) and challenges Arnos to ''juris macto''. As he's giving the speech, a volcano erupts, causing the earth to shake and houses to collapse. While all this is awesome, the funniness comes when we hear Tavi's internal monologue, where he's thinking he has absolutely ''no'' idea what's going on, but it makes his speech that much cooler, [[ThrowItIn so he's just gonna roll with it]] while everyone watches in shock and awe.
* [[invoked]] Near the end, we read from Isana's POV as she leads the troops in [[SayMyName saying Tavi's name]] SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome, and then switch to ''Tavi's'' POV where his reaction is simply exasperation that they're too busy chanting his name to hear him trying to tell them that Arnos is getting away.

'''Tavi:''' I know, I know. But if they were going to eat us, they wouldn't have given us blankets and a place to sleep. ''Right?''\\

'''Tavi:'''...That's enough help, Fade.

* The opening after Tavi's ''ludus'' game with Varg, where it becomes ''painfully'' obvious that Gaius Sextus takes an unhealthy amount of joy in teasing Tavi [[OfficialCouple about his relationship with Kitai]].

-->"''Legionaires'' do not fear dinner. Dinner fears ''legionaires''."

--->'''Frederick the Younger:''' ''(shocked)'' Tavi! [[CaptainObvious They're trying to kill you!]]\\

*** WARNING: Unmarked spoilers below!***\\

*** WARNING: Unmarked spoilers below!***

'''Tavi:''' ...All right, she kissed me and my brains melted and dribbled out my ears.\\
'''Amara:''' Now that I can believe.

'''Fade:'''....Marat eat Alerans.\\
'''Tavi:''' I know, I know. But if they were going to eat us, they wouldn't have given us blankets and a place to sleep. Right?\\

'''Tavi:''' That's enough help, Fade.

* When [[spoiler: Doroga and his Marat come to stop the other Marat, and Tavi's riding on Walker (an extra large, extra tough gargant, essentially a giant ground sloth) behind him.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Tavi:''' Uncle Bernard, Uncle Bernard! He followed me home! Can we keep him?]]
* Doroga and Atsurak are fighting in deadly earnest, the winner being the one who will decide the fate of Calderon Valley. Then Amara notices the Marat talking to each other...
-->"Are they betting on the fight?" Amara asked, incredulous.\\

* Doroga's teasing of Tavi as he realizes a few things are... ahem, developing between the young man and his [[{{Tsundere}} daughter]]. You practically read the anime-esque heart at the end of this sentence.
-->"[You are] Doomed, young warrior. Doomed. But her mother and I started off the same way."

* The entire mess begins because Tavi went out of Bernardholt in order to seek a bunch of sheep that had been lost earlier. [[spoiler:At the end of the book, when Amara calls him forward so that First Lord Gaius Sextus can publicly offer him what he wants, he is nowhere to be seen... [[BrickJoke because he left earlier to find the sheep.]]]]

* Maximus is a walking funny moment. This is possibly because his ChivalrousPervert ways (One word: twins) are more than slightly reminiscent of Thomas Raith (''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' by the same author), another wisecracking, longsuffering and HypercompetentSidekick to a main character who specialises in CrazyAwesome and IndyPloy.
* Almost everything Doroga says, especially in the later books. For example, his very first lines in ''Academ's Fury'', in response to Kitai telling him to hurry up to reach the valley of the Wax Forest:

* Tavi has to take his exams while [[spoiler: under immense pressure to secretly save their country from falling into a bloody civil war.]]
-->'''Tavi:''' It gets too hot in there after a long test. [[BuffySpeak The air gets all squishy.]]\\
'''Ehren:''' It's called humidity, Tavi.\\
'''Tavi:''' I haven't slept in almost two days. It's squishy.

* Max asking Tavi about something when [[spoiler:impersonating Gaius Sextus]].

** Plus, shortly afterward, Max unexpectedly runs into Gaius's (ignored and only married for political reasons) wife, Caria, who is extremely angry at her husband for forgetting her even more than usual. [[spoiler:Max, still shapeshifted into Gaius Sextus, panics and then defuses the situation by making out with and hitting on her.]]

---->'''Gaius:''' I adjusted to the [[UnusualEuphemism demands of my station]], of course, but when you speak to Maximus, you might mention to him that in the future, should this situation arise again, he should seek some course ''other'' than [[spoiler:to fondle my wife]] .
* Can't forget when Tavi first met Varg:

* Bernard finally finding out the full story of what Tavi did in the Wax Forest.
-->'''Doroga:''' Maybe you have not noticed. Tavi does things big.\\
'''Bernard:''' How so?\\
'''Doroga:''' He saw how [[spoiler:Keepers see the heat of a body. Saw how they they respond to damage on the ''croach''. So he set it on fire.]]\\
'''Bernard:''' ''(blinks)'' Tavi...[[spoiler: set the Wax Forest on ''fire'']]?\\
'''Doroga:''' Left out that part, did he.\\
'''Bernard:''' Yes he did.

* Captain Cyril explaining that the First Aleran Legion isn't like the others:

'''Cyril:''' Yes ... if they could fly.\\
'''Tavi:''' They can't? ... I thought that was what you had to be able to do to ''be'' one of those, sir.\\

* Chapter 21 has a cold opening between Max and Tavi:
-->'''Max:'''Are you insane?\\
'''Tavi:'''This isn’t complicated. Take this hammer and break my crowbegotten leg.
** The scene just gets better when Marcus walks in on them, and Tavi blames the sleeping cart-horse for his broken leg.

** Made even more HilariousInHindsight when you remember [[spoiler: Marcus is Fidelias, and knows perfectly well why Tavi broke his leg.]]

'''Bernard:''' You're not? I am.

'''Tavi:''' The first night I met you, you gave me that [scar] with one of those stone knives. And I thought you were a boy.\\
'''Kitai:''' You are slow and stupid. We both know this. But have I ever deceived you?

-->'''Tavi:''' Are you in?\\
'''Ehren:''' The plan is insane. ''You'' [[CrazyAwesome are insane]]… I'll need some pants.
* Isana seriously tells Tavi they need to talk ([[spoiler:about him being Gaius' grandson]]). Tavi assumes she's talking about the rumors that he's having orgies with the Marat women.
* Every time Isana and Kitai have a private talk is ''hilarious'' because of how frank the Marat is about her... relationship. Such as when Isana asks Kitai to talk about Tavi, and she launches into a whole spiel about her and Tavi's activities, including what he can do with his mouth, sending Isana stammering and trying desperately to get Kitai to stop talking.
-->'''Kitai:''' He didn't know what he was doing at first. Except with his mouth. But then, he was always quite clever with ''that''.
** Becomes a BrickJoke a few pages later when Tavi is talking with the two of them and makes an idle comment about "running his mouth". Both Isana and Kitai are rendered helpless with laughter for several minutes.
* Ehren overhears Tavi say [[spoiler:Isana is the First Lady of Alera]], leading him to assume at first that [[spoiler:she's a glamored Caria]].
* Straight from the HumansAreInsane mindset comes this gem:
-->'''Tavi:''' So... I want you gone, and you want to BE gone. Perhaps we can work something out?\\
'''Nasaug:''' That would be possible in a [[OnlySaneMan rational world, perhaps,]] [[DeadpanSnarker but we are in Alera.]]
* At one point, Araris and Isana are talking and Araris mentions how he dislikes being on the ship with the Canim; they smell like wet dog. A little while later:
-->'''Varg:''' *growls something in Canim, causing Tavi to laugh.*\\
'''Isana:''' What did he say?\\
'''Tavi:''' That he’s glad to get off this ship. He says it smells like wet people here.
* Tavi gives a speech declaring his true identity (Gaius Octavian, the rightful heir to the throne) and challenges Arnos to ''juris macto''. As he's giving the speech, a volcano erupts, causing the earth to shake and houses to collapse. While all this is awesome, the funny comes when we hear Tavi's internal monologue, where he's thinking he has absolutely no idea what's going on, but it makes his speech that much cooler, so he's gonna roll with it while everyone watches in shock and awe.
* Near the end, we read from Isana's POV as she leads the troops in a [[SayMyName saying Tavi's name]] SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome, and then switch to Tavi's POV where his reaction is simply exasperation that they're too busy chanting his name to hear him trying to tell them that the bad guy's getting away.

* The beginning features a rather hilarious sequence in which a couple of former members of Kalarus' army are traveling, along with a third who turns out to be Ehren. One of them is babbling incessantly while the other gets more and more annoyed... until eventually Ehren, who has apparently had enough, quietly comes up behind him and breaks a tree branch over his head. [[MoodWhiplash Too bad about what happens next.]]

-->[[spoiler:'''Demos:''' You really don't have any idea at all how to be a Princeps, do you?]]\\
[[spoiler:'''Magnus:''' Extra mash, please, Your Highness.]]

* Magnus declares that it would be the duty of every Aleran in Canea to die as quickly and efficiently if possible if that's what it took to get [[spoiler:Princeps Octavian]] safely home. Kitai tartly points out that given the aforementioned's non-existent skills at sea, the death of every Aleran in Canea could not ''possibly'' get him safely home.

** He has plenty to complain about: ''Tavi's'' mount behaves admirably... which means it only tries to kill him an average of twice between meals.
** But it DOES interrupt a tender moment between Tavi and Kitai. By rearing up and tossing them both 20 feet away. Into a small swamp.

* Lararl has the little party of ambassadors, including a Knight-level windcrafter WHO CAN FLY, imprisoned... by stranding them on a rooftop with no way down.

* Doroga [[DeadpanSnarker turning the snark on]] centuries of Aleran tradition when mediating a DuelToTheDeath.
-->"I am the Master of Arms. I read up on your combat law. It means I come over here and tell you all the rules, even though everyone here knows them better than I do. [[spoiler:Lord Antillus]], there, is the challenged. He gets to choose how the duel will be fought. He's chosen steel and fury, which basically means anything goes, which is how fighting ought to be done in any case. [[spoiler:Isana]] is the challenger, which means she gets to choose the time and place of the duel. She has chosen here and now. Obviously. Or none of us would be standing out here in the wind."

** At the end of the scene, [[spoiler:Alera, the ancient fury who has seen mountains become valleys of rivers and grass, who would feel no real sadness at Tavi's death]] the following conversation happens:
--->'''Tavi:''' You're taking her side because she's a girl.\\
[[spoiler:'''Alera:''']] Yes. I may be no expert, but I have learned enough of your ways to know which side of this debate I am obliged to support.

* Canim giving ''legionares'' piggyback rides. Very effective for speedy transportation, but not a popular idea. A slightly loopy-from-exhaustion [[spoiler:Fidelias]] had this to say:

-->"[[LargeHam I AM STILL THIRSTY! WHO WILL DRINK WITH ME?]]"
** After that, Tavi sends his own message back, giving a rousing speech and words of kindness and empathy to those civilian Alerans who will die from starvation, giving them empathy and love, while holding any "Citizen" to task. A heartwarming and awesome moment made hilarious as it was also a [[spoiler:distraction. The message awoke the sentries around her imprisoned holds filled with captured people, and she silenced them to hear the message, allowing Tavi's knights to swoop in, take care of these sentries, and bring back the people. Crassus also took the time to take every bit of food and even the livestock just to spite the Vord Queen.]] The Vord Queen was so furious, they could hear her screams of fury ten miles away.

* In general, interactions between [[ThoseTwoGuys High Lords]] [[VitriolicBestBuds Antillus and Phrygius]] more closely resemble a BokkeAndTsukkomiRoutine than discussions between two of the most august and elite members of Alera's Citizenry.

** And when he finally meets [[spoiler:Gaius]] Aquitainus Attis:

'''Crassus:''' At least it won't be more [[spoiler:ice ships.]]\\

'''Crassus:''' [[spoiler:He is the mighty First Lord.]] We are but lowly ''legionares''. We obey without question.\\

* Tavi has just had a huge SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome by [[spoiler:destroying Riva's nigh-impenetrable wall by bringing up and freezing giant plants around the gate, and then using a fireball to shatter it]]. What's his reaction upon seeing this work? "Crap, I didn't mean to THAT much damage. I'm gonna have to pay Riva a LOT to fix this mess."
* Tavi notes that [[spoiler:the Icemen owning the Wall]] will make them "considerably less likely to attempt to demolish it on a weekly basis".

* Tavi and Kitai [[spoiler:getting married Aleran style]]. More precisely, Kitai's reaction.

'''Tavi:''' That's... [[spoiler:the wedding ceremony]]. I mean... granted there's no swordplay or arson or rock climbing, but what were you expecting?
** The challenge from Book One when they were both kids included ''all three'' of those things, which they would subsequently claim as [[spoiler: an AccidentalMarriage]].
* Gaius Primus' reaction upon first meeting the Great Fury Alera: "Bother, I've gone mad."

* Tavi gives a speech declaring he's Gaius Octavian the rightful heir to the throne and challenges Arnos to juris macto. As he's giving the speech a volcano erupts causing the earth to shake and houses to collapse. All this is awesome, the funny comes when we hear Tavi's internal monologue where he's thinking he has absolutely no idea why the volcano is exploding but that it's cool and he's gonna roll with it while everyone watches in shock and awe.

* Before the prologue is featured a poem found inscribed within the ruins of Appia. Clearly authored by a legionare, it is a solemn elegy; a lament for Rome, their lost mother. [[MoodWhiplash And then, scratched in crude lettering, there’s the addendum:]]

** At one point, during a deadly serious and secret conversation about the Vord, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Max is loudly cussing out his Taurga as a distraction]]. It wraps up with "[[BestialityIsDepraved And not even SHE]] [[InsultToRocks would do that with you]], no matter how much gold or how many burlap sacks were involved."

* As they are travelling towards the Vord Queen lair, Tavi's group makes camp in a Canim farm. As they watch Varg's Hunters set up camp, Tavi shows his upbringing, commenting on the cleverness of the Canim's portable enclosures. Durias has no idea how to react.

** At the end of the scene, [[spoiler:Alera, the ancient fury who has seen mountains become valleys of rivers and grass, who would feel no real sadness in Tavi's death]] the following conversation happens:

** Preceding that Amara gets her own Crowning Moment of Funny and/or Awesome when a pompous Knight, who's also an ally of Valerius and a friend of Brencis (which should tell you all you need to know about him) refuses to let Doroga into the Princeps' tent and she decks him so hard that she breaks her wrist. She says it was WorthIt.

-->"I AM STILL THIRSTY! WHO WILL DRINK WITH ME?"
** After that, Tavi sends his own message back, giving a rousing speech and words of kindness and empathy to those civilian Alerans who will die from starvation, giving them empathy and love, while holding any "Citizen" to task. A heartwarming and awesome moment made hilarious as it was also a [[spoiler:distraction. The message awoke the sentries around her imprisoned holds filled with captured people, and she silenced them to hear the message, allowing Tavi's knights to swoop in, take care of these sentries, and bring back the people. Crassus also took the time to take every bit of food and even the livestock just to spite the Vord Queen.]] The Vord Queen was so furious, they could hear her scream of fury ten miles away.
* Lord Gram's reaction to seeing the Vord Bulks for the first time. As the other High Lords and assembled Citizens discuss what to do about them, Gram's only lines for about three solid pages are a repeated, "Bloody crows", occasionally mixed with, "''Blighted'' bloody crows."

** And when he finally meets [[spoiler:Gaius]] Aquitinus Attis:

* When [[spoiler: Doroga and his Marat come to stop the other Marat, and Tavi's riding on Walker (for all intents and purposes, a ''mammoth'') behind him.]]

-->'''Kitai:''' You... are quite serious, aren't you?\\
-->'''Tavi:''' That's... [[spoiler:the wedding ceremony]]. I mean... granted there's no swordplay or arson or rock climbing, but what were you expecting?
** The challenge from Book One when they were both kids included ''all three'' of those things, which they would subsequently claim as [[spoiler: an AccidentalMarriage.]]

** Note that when the Canim become interested in this, they rush up around the injured Canim and start sniffing and growling excitedly. Anyone who has worked with large groups of curious dogs knows exactly what this looks and sounds like. The nine-foot-tall terrifying wolfmen suddenly turn into a pack of curious puppies.

'''Max''': What if they start talking about some kind of theory I have no clue about?\\

[[AC: Furies Of Calderon]]

-->'''Tavi:''' It wasn't until nearly the end of the day that I realized I was going to have to pick between getting all the sheep in and those hollybells, and I'd promised her.
-->'''Amara:''' Ah. *dubious stare*
-->'''Tavi:''' ...All right, she kissed me and my brains melted and dribbled out my ears.
-->'''Amara:''' Now that I can believe.

--> "This isn't anything to trifle with, or let Gram's stiff neck--" Isana frowned and leaned to look past her brother. Without changing expression, he moved a bit more to block her view with his body. Isana let out an impatient breath and shouldered her brother a bit to one side, looking past him.\\

--> '''Aldrick:''' Hungh. I'm not sure I can handle that many.\\

--> [[spoiler:'''Tavi:''' Uncle Bernard, Uncle Bernard! He followed me home! Can we keep him?]]

--> "Are they betting on the fight?" Amara asked, incredulous.\\

[[AC: Academ's Fury]]

--> '''Tavi:''' It gets too hot in there after a long test. [[BuffySpeak The air gets all squishy.]]\\

* Max asking Tavi about something when [[spoiler: impersonating Gaius Sextus]]
-->'''Max''': What if they start talking about some kind of theory I have no clue about?’
-->'''Tavi''': Just do what you do when the Maestros ask you a question during lecture and you don't know the answer.
-->'''Max''': Belch?

-->'''Max:''' How am I doing?
-->'''Tavi:''' Stop looking down Lady Erusmus's bodice.
-->'''Max:''' I did not!
-->'''Tavi:''' Yes you did. Stop it.
-->'''Max:''' [[ImAManICantHelpIt Tavi, I'm a young man. Some things just aren't in my control.]]

--->'''Gaius''': I adjusted to the [[UnusualEuphemism demands of my station]], of course, but when you speak to Maximus, you might mention to him that in the future, should this situation arise again, he should seek some course ''other'' than [[spoiler: to fondle my wife]]

--> '''Doroga:''' Maybe you have not noticed. Tavi does things big.\\

[[AC: Cursor's Fury]]

-->'''Tavi:''' Most Legions would kill to have [sixty] Knights Aeris, sir.
-->'''Cyril:''' Yes ... if they could fly.
-->'''Tavi:''' They can't? ... I thought that was what you had to be able to do to ''be'' one of those, sir.
-->'''Cyril:''' Oh, they can get into the air, for the most part. Getting ''down'' again in one piece has proven something of a problem...

-->'''Max:'''Are you insane?
-->'''Tavi:'''This isn’t complicated. Take this hammer and break my crowbegotten leg.

--> '''Amara:''' It's not Kalare or his Knights or his Legions or his Immortals or his bloodcrows that I'm worried about.\\

-->'''Bernard:''' Though I feel I must ask... why did we leave them [[NakedPeopleAreFunny naked]]? To slow them down?
-->'''Amara:''' No, because the poisonous bitch deserved it.

--> '''Kitai''': In that time, have I ever attempted to deceive you?
--> '''Tavi''': The first night I met you, you gave me that [scar] with one of those stone knives. And I thought you were a boy.
--> '''Kitai''': You are slow and stupid. We both know this. But have I ever deceived you?

[[AC: Captain's Fury]]

--> '''Isana:''' If you got much taller, they'd have to raise all the ceilings in here.\\

-->'''Tavi:''' Are you in?
-->'''Ehren:''' The plan is insane. ''You'' [[CrazyAwesome are insane]]....I'll need some pants.

-->'''Tavi:''' So... I want you gone, and you want to BE gone. Perhaps we can work something out?
-->'''Nasaug:''' That would be possible in a [[OnlySaneMan rational world, perhaps,]] [[DeadpanSnarker but we are in Alera.]]

-->'''Varg:''' *growls something in Canim, causing Tavi to laugh.*
-->'''Isana:''' What did he say?
-->'''Tavi:''' That he’s glad to get off this ship. He says it smells like wet people here.

[[AC: Princeps' Fury]]
* Before the prologue is featured a poem found inscribed within the ruins of Appia. Clearly authored by a legionary, it is a solemn elegy; a lament for Rome, their lost mother. [[MoodWhiplash And then, scratched in crude lettering, there’s the addendum:]]
--> ‘’Good riddance, gluttonous whore! Victory Germania!’’

--> "Respect is elder to convenience."\\

* The beginning features a rather hilarious sequence in which a couple of former members of Kalarus's army are traveling, along with a third who turns out to be Ehren. One of them is babbling incessantly while the other gets more and more annoyed... until eventually Ehren, who has apparently had enough, quietly comes up behind him and breaks a tree branch over his head. [[MoodWhiplash Too bad about what happens next]].
* Valiar Marcus is giving language lessons to a Canim officer, and is trying to tactfully explain the difference between telling someone they have a weak sense of smell and telling them that they smell bad. The Canim takes the criticism badly, and lunges at Marcus. The old Centurion is prepared, however, and body slams the 9-foot-tall wolfman into a daze...and then continues correcting his grammar as if nothing had happened.

--> [[spoiler:'''Demos:''' You really don't have any idea at all how to be a Princeps, do you?]]
--> [[spoiler:'''Magnus:''' Extra mash, please, Your Highness.]]

** Just before that, Max reveals that he read up on furycrafting theory, and tells Tavi that Aleran scholars believe that furycrafting is impossible away from Alera. Tavi orders him to forget everything he read, invoking AchievementsInIgnorance, to which Max cheerfully agrees to do.
* Magnus declares that it would be the duty of every Aleran in Canea to die as quickly and efficiently if possible if that's what it took to get [[spoiler: Princeps Octavian]] safely home. Kitai tartly points out that given the aforementioned's non-existent skills at sea, the death of every Aleran in Canea could not ''possibly'' get him safely home.

--> "''Legionnaires'' do not fear dinner. Dinner fears ''legionnaires''."
** In light of this statement, the name of Max's mount is also pertinent: "Steaks and New Boots."
** At one point, during a deadly serious and secret conversation about the Vord, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Max is loudly cussing out his Taurga as a distraction.]] It wraps up with "[[BestialityIsDepraved And not even SHE]] [[InsultToRocks would do that with you]], no matter how much gold or how many burlap sacks were involved."
** He has plenty to complain about: ''Tavi's'' mount behaves admirably...which means it only tries to kill him an average of twice between meals.

--->'''Kitai:''' I am stuck. I blame you.
--->'''Tavi:''' Max, shut up and catch that stupid taurga before it runs into the ocean.
* Lararl has the little party of ambassadors, including a Knight-level windcrafter WHO CAN FLY, imprisoned...by stranding them on a rooftop with no way down.
--> '''Max:''' They cannot possibly be serious.

--> '''Max:''' You aren't going to last long as First Lord if you go around handing your singulares compulsory homework, my lord.
--> '''Tavi:''' I know. But if I'm forced to spend my time listening to all their complaining, I'll knife myself and save the assassins the bother.

--> Durias just blinked at Tavi.

-->"I ever invade Calderon again," he said, "it will be in the summer."
-->Isana stared wearily at him, and said, "I'd see to it you never got those sweetbread cakes you like. Ever again."
-->Doroga gave her a wounded look, sniffed, and said to Walker, "Alerans don't ever fight fair."
* The culmination of Kitai's running gag about how she wanted a horse, but got Tavi. After using Tavi as bait to draw out a Vord Queen, Kitai remarks that Tavi makes a great "stalking cow." Tavi wearily corrects her that the term is "stalking horse," and Kitai then pauses to ask what kind of idiot would risk harming a perfectly good horse.

[[AC: First Lord's Fury]]

* In the prologue of the book

--->'''Tavi''' You're taking her side because she's a girl.\\
[[spoiler:'''Alera''']]: Yes. I may be no expert, but I have learned enough of your ways to know which side of this debate I am obliged to support.

--->'''Kitai:''' Oh my. I might be in love. \\

* We get a little gem within an otherwise serious chapter. During the briefing for the final defense at Calderon Valley, Senator Valerius continually complains about the fact that Bernard built all kinds of fortifications without telling anyone, and wonders out loud where the money came from. Despite High Lord Antillus' objections, he continues to question Bernard and Amara's integrity and reliability- until High Lord Placida simply picks him up and hurls him bodily from the tent.
--> "Ass," muttered Raucus.\\

** The real kicker to this scene? Placida follows up the tossing by dealing with Valerius's bodyguards too. He doesn't even need to do anything to them. He just gives them a DeathGlare and points at the door. [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere They take the hint.]]

--> "I AM STILL THIRSTY! WHO WILL DRINK WITH ME?"
* After that, Tavi sends his own message back, giving a rousing speech and words of kindness and empathy to those civilian Alerans who will die from starvation, giving them empathy and love, while holding any "Citizen" to task. A heartwarming and awesome moment made hilarious as it was also a [[spoiler:distraction. The message awoke the sentries around her imprisoned holds filled with captured people, and she silenced them to hear the message, allowing Tavi's knights to swoop in, take care of these sentries, and bring back the people. Crassus also took the time to take every bit of food and even the livestock just to spite the Vord Queen]]. The Vord Queen was so furious, they could hear her scream of fury ten miles away.
* Lord Gram's reaction to seeing the Vord Bulks for the first time. As the other High Lords and assembled Citizens discuss what to do about them, Gram's only lines for about three solid pages are a repeated, "Bloody crows," occasionally mixed with, "''Blighted'' bloody crows."

'''Placida Sandos:''' Ah. It begins.\\

-->'''Attis:''' You must be headman Doroga.
-->'''Doroga:''' Yes. You are the man whose people convinced Atsurak to lead thousands of my people to a bloody death. (...) I will have your promise not to do it again.
* Tavi gives a stream of orders to Schultz, Max, and Crassus. None of them have all the information Tavi has, and since Tavi finds being mysterious [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles like heroin for commanders]], he doesn't give it to them, so the orders don't make much sense anyone but him. The reactions:

'''Tavi:''' Not...exactly, no.\\

'''Crassus:''' [[spoiler: He is the mighty First Lord.]] We are but lowly ''legionares''. We obey without question.\\

* There's something hilarious about how the narration specifies that Marcus orders the Knights Aeris to, "Keep those bloody bug men off my roof!" It makes perfect sense in context--and it's a serious, deadly context--but the wording and implied tone just makes him seem more annoyed than worried he's going to get torn limb from limb.
* Tavi has just had a huge SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome by [[spoiler: destroying Riva's nigh-impenetrable wall by bringing up and freezing giant plants around the gate, and then using a fireball to shatter it]]. What's his reaction upon seeing this work? "Crap, I didn't mean to THAT much damage. I'm gonna have to pay Riva a LOT to fix this mess."

--> Kitai nodded in satisfaction. "Come. You need to get back to your wagon and rest. Varg has things well in hand."\\

--> Lord Placida had approached as they spoke, and he smiled briefly as they both turned to him. "In point of fact, dear, all of us owe her our lives."\\

* Tavi and Kitai [[spoiler: getting married Aleran style]]. More precisely, Kitai's reaction.
-->'''Kitai''' (to her infant son): It is foolish, but we must endure this Aleran nonsense. It will make your father happy.
-->'''Tavi:''' It's a necessary formality. That's all.
-->'''Kitai:''' (ignoring him) Like many Alerans, he places undue value upon acts performed in front of witnesses in which all manner of ridiculous things are done that would be much more simply done at a desk or table than here. But we love him, so we will do these things.
-->(After Tavi explains the ceremony)
-->'''Kitai:''' You... are quite serious, aren't you?
-->'''Tavi:''' That's... [[spoiler: the wedding ceremony]]. I mean... granted there's no swordplay or arson or rock climbing, but what were you expecting?

* Gaius Primus' reaction upon first meeting the Great Fury Alera: "Bother, I've gone mad."

* Tavi and Max's discussion about breaking Tavi's leg. The scene just gets better when Marcus walks in on them, and Tavi blames the sleeping cart-horse for his broken leg.
-->The old horse let out a snore. Tavi hadn't known they could do that.

* Tavi has just had a huge SugarWiki/MomentofAwesome by [[spoiler: destroying Riva's nigh-impenetrable wall by bringing up and freezing giant plants around the gate, and then using a fireball to shatter it]]. What's his reaction upon seeing this work? "Crap, I didn't mean to THAT much damage. I'm gonna have to pay Riva a LOT to fix this mess."

* When [[spoiler: Doroga and his Marat come to stop the other Marat, and Tavi's riding on Walker behind him.]]

[[AC: Princep's Fury]]

* The Vord Queen uses watercrafting to send a message to everyone in Alera. This means that a life size replica of her appears wherever there is enough water. How does Varg disrupt it? He scoops up some of the water with a helmet, drinks it, and then shouts;