WARNING: Unmarked spoilers below!
- A meta-example would be how the series came about in the first place. Jim Butcher got involved with an internet argument on a writing forum. The argument was over whether craft or idea was more important to a good novel - basically whether or not a good writer could make a bad idea into a good novel. Butcher took that as a challenge and told the other poster to give him not one but two bad concepts, and he would write a novel with them. The poster responded with Lost Roman Legions and Pokémon. That's right, the furies have their roots in the canon that spawned Pikachu. And Butcher has indeed made it work.
Furies of Calderon
- Amara asks Tavi why he went and collected flowers upon Beritte's request, knowing it would make it difficult to track down the sheep he was supposed to be looking for in time.Tavi: It wasn't until nearly the end of the day that I realized I was going to have to pick between getting all the sheep in and those hollybells, and I'd promised her.
Amara: Ah. [gives Tavi a dubious stare]
Tavi: [sheepishly] ...All right, she kissed me and my brains melted and dribbled out my ears.
Amara: [smirking] Now that I can believe. - Isana's first look at Amara. The fact that Isana's "little" brother Bernard, an extremely powerful furycrafter and formidable man towering over six feet in height while being fully laden in muscle, basically turns into a bashful teenager before her adds another layer of comedy to the whole situation."This isn't anything to trifle with, or let Gram's stiff neck—" Isana frowned and leaned to look past her brother. Without changing expression, he moved a bit more to block her view with his body. Isana let out an impatient breath and shouldered her brother a bit to one side, looking past him.
"Bernard," she said, "Why is there a girl in your bed?"
Her brother coughed and flushed. "Isana, when you say it that way-"
She turned to blink up at him. "Bernard. Why is there a girl in your bed?" - When Tavi and Fade wake up after being kidnapped by the Marat, Tavi tries to come up with a plan to get away.Fade: Trouble, Tavi. Trouble.
Tavi: I know. Don't worry, we'll find a way out of this.
[Fade stares expectantly]
Tavi: ...Well, not right this minute. You could at least try to help me come up with something, Fade.
Fade: ...Marat eat Alerans.
Tavi: I know, I know. But if they were going to eat us, they wouldn't have given us blankets and a place to sleep. Right?
Fade: Maybe they like hot dinner. Raw dinner.
[Beat]
Tavi: That's enough help, Fade. - Amara and Bernard have been locked up by Pluvus Pentius after Count Gram is attacked. That night, Garrison's healer and Centurion Giraldi take a sleeping Pluvus to get the two of them out, with the healer blatantly (and cheerfully) shaking Pluvus' head up and down so that he can officially say Pluvus "agrees" with what Bernard and Amara are saying. As Amara starts to give orders (using her Cursor position), she tells the healer that Pluvus needs a bed, and he promptly dumps him onto the cell's pallet.
- Speaking of Pluvus, he spends most of his appearances as the ultimate Obstructive Bureaucrat, but when the heroes of the battle are being honoured at the end of the book, he gets a mention that careens through CMoA and CMoH territory before crashing into CMoF: It's offhandedly noted that, during the battle, he defended some children from a herdbane (basically a giant carnivorous terror bird) by beating the damn thing to death... with his accounts ledger.
- Fidelias and Aldrick go to visit the Marat Hordesmaster Atsurak, and fly over the troops of Marat ready for battle, a collection so large the campfires stretch for miles and miles in the night.Aldrick: Hungh. I'm not sure I can handle that many.
Fidelias: We'll make that the backup plan, then. - Doroga and his Marat have come to Garrison to stop the other horde of Marat, with Tavi riding on Walker (an extra large, extra tough gargant, essentially a giant ground sloth) behind him.Tavi: [excitedly points at Doroga] Uncle Bernard, Uncle Bernard! He followed me home! Can we keep him?
- Doroga and Atsurak are fighting in deadly earnest, the winner being the one who will decide the fate of the entire Calderon Valley. Then Amara notices the Marat talking to each other..."Are they betting on the fight?" Amara asked, incredulous.
Tavi nodded. "Yeah, they do that. Doroga won his daughter betting on me."
"What?"
"Shhhh." - This exchange — right in the middle of the ending scramble between the Alerans and the Marat — after Tavi gets wounded on the arm by one of the Windwolves as he tries to escape with the evidence needed to prove the Aquitaines' involvement in the battle:Frederick the Younger: [shocked] Tavi! They're trying to kill you!
Tavi: [while running for his life] I can't tell you how glad I am that you're here to tell me that. - Doroga's teasing of Tavi as he realizes a few things are... ahem, developing between the young man and his daughter. You can practically hear the anime-esque heart at the end of the following sentence."[You are] Doomed, young warrior. Doomed. But her mother and I started off the same way."
- Better is Tavi's reaction when he realizes just what Doroga is implying. As the Marat grins and walks away, Tavi freaks out and just yells, "What? Her mother what?! Doroga, WAIT!"
- It's also worth noting how Kitai and Tavi's "reunion" went about after the Second Battle of Calderon - Tavi, who was so injured that he was bedridden, paid host to a quietly furious Kitai and cheery Doroga. Kitai's first "proper" conversation with Tavi has her "thanking" him through gritted teeth for saving her life, and then following it up by saying in a tone that Tavi notes sounds more like a threat than anything else, "Don't think I won't forget it." Tavi, for his part, is so absolutely terrified of her that he's barely restraining himself from cowering under his blanket as soon as she comes into the room.
- The entire mess begins because Tavi went out of Bernardholt in order to seek a bunch of sheep that had been lost earlier. At the end of the book, when Amara calls him forward so that First Lord Gaius Sextus can publicly offer him what he wants, he’s nowhere to be seen... because he left earlier to find the sheep.
Academ's Fury
- Maximus is a walking funny moment. This is possibly because his Chivalrous Pervert ways (One word: twins) are more than slightly reminiscent of Thomas Raith (The Dresden Files by the same author), another wisecracking, longsuffering and Hypercompetent Sidekick to a main character who specializes in Improv and Indy Ploy.
- Almost everything Doroga says, especially in the later books. For example, his very first lines in this novel, in response to Kitai telling him to hurry up to reach the valley of the Wax Forest:"We must hurry, because the valley is running away from us. I see. Maybe we should have stayed downwind."
- Bernard finally finding out the full story of what Tavi did in the Wax Forest.Doroga: Maybe you have not noticed. Tavi does things big.
Bernard: How so?
Doroga: He saw how Keepers see the heat of a body. Saw how they they respond to damage on the croach. So he set it on fire.
Bernard: [blinks] Tavi... set the Wax Forest on fire?
Doroga: [dryly] Left out that part, did he?
Bernard: Yes he did. - Doroga's anecdote about a severe case of foot-in-mouth:Doroga: I praised it to the skies as the best soup any woman ever made for a man.
Amara: Your wife hadn't made it?
Doroga: She did not. Hashat had. - Max asking Tavi about something when impersonating Gaius Sextus.Max: What if they start talking about some kind of theory I have no clue about?
Tavi: Just do what you do when the Maestros ask you a question during lecture and you don't know the answer.
Max: Belch?- And later on...Max: How am I doing?
Tavi: Stop looking down Lady Erusmus' bodice.
Max: I did not!
Tavi: Yes you did. Stop it.
Max: Tavi, I'm a young man. Some things just aren't in my control. - Plus, shortly afterward, Max unexpectedly runs into Gaius Sextus's (ignored and only married for political reasons) wife, Caria, who is extremely angry at her husband for forgetting her even more than usual. Max, still shapeshifted into Gaius Sextus, panics and then defuses the situation by making out with and hitting on her.
- And later we hear from the real Gaius Sextus that she appreciated it perhaps a bit too much for his liking when she comes into his bath, and Gaius has to, well, do something difficult for an eighty-year old man to manage. The fact that Sextus sounds faintly amused rather than genuinely annoyed the whole time he's talking with Tavi only makes it funnier.Gaius Sextus: I adjusted to the demands of my station, of course, but when you speak to Maximus, you might mention to him that in the future, should this situation arise again, he should seek some course other than to fondle my wife.
- And later we hear from the real Gaius Sextus that she appreciated it perhaps a bit too much for his liking when she comes into his bath, and Gaius has to, well, do something difficult for an eighty-year old man to manage. The fact that Sextus sounds faintly amused rather than genuinely annoyed the whole time he's talking with Tavi only makes it funnier.
- And later on...
- One can't forget when Tavi first met Varg:"What do you know of my people?"
"That they have bad breath, sir, if you are an indication."- Made even funnier in how Varg just stares at Tavi incredulously after the above remark, while Tavi is internally screaming at himself for being an idiot and panicking over how he's almost certainly about to die.
- Tavi has to take his exams while under immense pressure to secretly save their country from falling into a bloody civil war.Tavi: It gets too hot in there after a long test. The air gets all squishy.
Ehren: It's called humidity, Tavi.
Tavi: I haven't slept in almost two days. It's squishy. - Tavi's reaction to his Big Damn Kiss with Kitai is first shock, but it then becomes considerably more enthusiastic on his end once she essentially drags him off to another room so they can keep kissing without interruption.
Cursor's Fury
- The opening section of the prologue after Tavi's ludus game with Varg, where it becomes painfully obvious that Gaius Sextus takes an inordinate amount of joy in teasing Tavi about his relationship with Kitai."Oh," [Sextus] said in a tone of afterthought. "Are you by any chance sleeping with the Marat Ambassador, Tavi?"
Tavi felt his mouth drop open again. His cheeks heated up so much that he thought they might actually, literally, burst into flame. "Um, sire..."
"You understand the consequences, I assume. Neither of you has furycraft that would prevent conception. And believe me when I say that paternity complicates one's life immensely."
Tavi wished desperately that the earth would open up, swallow him whole, and smash him into a parchment-thick blob. "We, uh. We aren't doing that," Tavi said. "There are, uh, well, other. Things. That aren't..."
Gaius' eyes sparkled. "Intercourse?" - Chapter 1 of the book itself starts out with Tavi and Magnus testing out a "Romanic-designed" catapult (which thanks to the formidable firepower of the Knights Ignus, have become a Lost Technology for the Alerans) in the ruins of Appia. Amazingly, they succeed and it launches a boulder straight over the horizon! ...But unfortunately, thanks to a Contrived Coincidence, it apparently was aimed right at Max (who was approaching on horseback), who loudly — and profusely — swears up a storm before causing said boulder to immediately reverse and fly straight back into the catapult, completely obliterating it and making both Tavi & Magnus run into cover.
- Shortly after this is Max's slowly dawning panic as Magnus cheerfully remarks to him that, in order to make sure his research is reliable, he will need to have Max help him reconstruct the destroyed catapult without using any furycraft.
- Captain Cyril explaining to Tavi that the First Aleran Legion isn't like most other Legions:Cyril: We've only one Knight Ignus, and he's currently being treated for burn wounds.
- And that's not even the worst of it:Tavi: Most Legions would kill to have [sixty] Knights Aeris, sir.
Cyril: Yes... if they could fly.
Tavi: They can't? ...I thought that was what you had to be able to do to be one of those, sir.
Cyril: Oh, they can get into the air, for the most part. Getting down again in one piece has proven something of a problem...
- And that's not even the worst of it:
- After figuring out his Jerkass CO Tribune Logistica Gracchus has been skimping Legion flour for the sake of getting some nice jewelry and resolving the situation, Tavi is given the humiliating punishment of having to individually excavate the First Aleran Legion's latrines and measure each to make sure they follow Legion standard. According to Max, the legionaries have nicknamed him "Scipio Latrinus" as consequence.Max: [cheerily] Is that enough humiliation for you?
Tavi: [through gritted teeth] Yes. That's perfect, thank you.- It's also worth noting that shortly afterward, when an exasperated Max complains about how awful Tavi smells even from thirty paces away, Tavi briefly contemplates finding Max's bedroll and rolling around in it before dismissing it as "unprofessional".
- Chapter 21 has a brilliant cold opening exchange between Max and Tavi:Max: Are you insane?
Tavi: This isn’t complicated. Take this hammer and break my crowbegotten leg.- The scene just gets better when Marcus walks in on them, and Tavi blames the sleeping cart-horse for his broken leg.
- The whole sequence is made even funnier when the book's epilogue reveals that Marcus is actually Fidelias, and so knows perfectly well why Tavi broke his leg.
- High Lady Antillus (Max's Wicked Stepmother) is part of the Legion Tavi (incognito) and Max have joined. After Tavi breaks his leg (see above) and the Legion's medic heals it, she pronounces him capable (as part of her plan to prove Tavi's identity), but when she forces him on his broken leg he drops in pain. When the medic tells Tavi the bribe he'll need to ride in the wagon, Tavi pulls out the money he has stolen from High Lady Antillus and hands him the cash. When he tells this to Max, the latter can only be amazed.
- Amara and Bernard going over their plans to infiltrate Kalare's citadel.Amara: It's not Kalare or his Knights or his Legions or his Immortals or his bloodcrows that I'm worried about.
Bernard: You're not? I am. - A more metatextual case; During the infiltration of Kalarus' citadel, Invidia, Odiana and Amara are all forced to dress up and look like Sex Slaves in ridiculously Stripperific outfits. Sounds like another classic case of the Male Gaze appearing in one of Jim Butcher's novels, right? Well... not so much, as here the narrative focus is given over to Amara's narration, and instead of the narration constantly talking about how attractive Amara and her compatriots are, it almost solely consists of Amara's grumblings about how ridiculous & stupid she looks and how much she's dreading the likelihood of "getting windburns in uncomfortable places" if/when she has to make a sudden escape with Cirrus.
- Mixed with CMoA, High Lady Placidus Aria taking time out of her and Amara's epic jailbreak to snarkily deflate High Lord Kalarus Brencis Majoris' ego.Kalarus Brencis Majoris: No man makes a fool of me in my own house!
Placidus Aria: While the rest of us hardly need try. Tell me, Brencis, do you still have that little problem bedding women, the way you did in the Academy?
[Kalarus roars in outrage] - Amara Out Gambits High Lady Aquitainus Invidia, leaving her and her retainers stranded in the woods. Amara calmly and rationally explains to Bernard why they didn't kill her for both ethical and legal reasons, how Invidia could have made it impossible for them to get charges of treason to stick to her anyway, and that therefore, this was their best option. Then we get this...Bernard: Though I feel I must ask... why did we leave them naked? To slow them down?
Amara: [sniffs haughtily] No. Because the poisonous bitch deserved it. - This exchange during the epilogue:Kitai: How long have we known each other, Aleran?
Tavi: Five years this autumn.
Kitai: In that time, have I ever attempted to deceive you?
Tavi: [raises an eyebrow before he points at a scar on his face] The first night I met you, you gave me this with one of those stone knives. And I thought you were a boy.
Kitai: [dismissively] You are slow and stupid. We both know this. But have I ever deceived you?- Following the above, Kitai then explains her remarkably clever and sensible idea of recruiting Marat cavalrywomen from the Marat Horse Clan to serve as the First Aleran Legion's scouts, as they can move immensely fast and have Innate Night Vision (negating two of the Canim's tactical strengths over the Alerans). Of course, as Tavi quickly realizes, Kitai's reasoning isn't entirely on the level.Tavi: [tilts his head and grins at Kitai in realization] You're just doing this so you get to ride around on horses more often.
Kitai: [gives Tavi a haughty glance] I wanted a horse. But I got you, Aleran. I must make the best of it. - And finally, there's Tavi suddenly finding himself able to turn a fury lamp on and off (meaning that he's finally come into his furies), and so he starts eagerly flipping it repeatedly like a kid who just found a new toy. And he forgets all about Kitai.
- Following the above, Kitai then explains her remarkably clever and sensible idea of recruiting Marat cavalrywomen from the Marat Horse Clan to serve as the First Aleran Legion's scouts, as they can move immensely fast and have Innate Night Vision (negating two of the Canim's tactical strengths over the Alerans). Of course, as Tavi quickly realizes, Kitai's reasoning isn't entirely on the level.
Captain's Fury
- In the prologue, as Tavi and Kitai are fervently kissing in the grass after he failed to summon a boulder fury, Kitai's cousin Enna (and acting centurion for the First Aleran's cavalry regiments) interrupts them due to Ehren having returned to report on the Canim's movements. Enna then takes the time to blatantly appreciate a blushing, shirtless Tavi while she and Kitai amiably chat.Enna: You needn't stop on my account, you know. It's about time I got to look at more of this Aleran you've chosen.
Kitai: (while giving Enna a cheery smile) See to it that looking is all you do.
Enna: [as Tavi continues to look for his shirt, who is described as now somehow looking even more embarrassed than he already was] Is he always pink like that? Or is it merely something that he does to amuse you?
Tavi: [having finally found his shirt] Bloody crows.
Kitai: [laughs] He amuses me constantly, cousin.
Enna: [frowns] ...But he's not a horse.
Kitai: [shrugs] No one is perfect. - Straight from the Humans Are Insane mindset comes this gem:Tavi: In other words, I want you gone - and you want to leave. It seems to me that we are each in a position to solve the other's problem.
Nasaug: In a rational world, perhaps, but we are in Alera. - When Isana notices how much Tavi has grown since the last time she's seen him.Isana: If you got much taller, they'd have to raise all the ceilings in here.
Tavi: Nonsense. This is the Legion. The ceiling is at regulation height. It is the responsibility of every legionare to be sure that he is at regulation height as well. - Isana seriously tells Tavi they need to talk (about him being Gaius' grandson). An incredibly flustered Tavi instead assumes she's talking about the rumors that he's having orgies with the Marat cavalrywomen.
- This scene involving Ehren when the Slive is being attacked over the Leviathan's Run by Arnos' singulares:The door to the cabin opened, and Ehren poked his sandy-haired head out of it, looking blearily around. "What? What's going on?"
There was a hiss, a cracking sound, and another arrow smashed through the cabin's door, just above its latch and so close to Ehren's hand that its haft touched the bare skin of his wrist.
Ehren peered owlishly at the arrow. "Ah," he said, and shut the door once more. - Every time Isana and Kitai have a private talk is absolutely hilarious because of how frank the Marat woman is about her... relationship with Tavi (and by extension, sex in general). Most notably, there's when Isana asks Kitai to talk about Tavi during their time in Alera Imperia, and she excitedly launches into a whole spiel about her and Tavi's activities, including what he can do with his mouth, sending a mortified Isana stammering and desperately trying to get Kitai to stop talking.Kitai: He was very clumsy at first. Except with his mouth. (smirks to herself) But then, he's always been clever with that.
- Even better, it becomes a Brick Joke just a few pages later when Tavi is talking with the two of them and makes an idle comment about "running his mouth". Cue Isana and Kitai being rendered helpless with laughter for several minutes.
- Relatedly, there's Kitai's reaction after noticing the warm smiles being shared between Isana and Araris. According to the narration, Araris looks more uncomfortable when Kitai frankly appraises him than when Navaris nearly disemboweled him.Araris: (grabs Isana's hand) Ready?
Kitai: Why, I expect she is.
Isana: [flushes in embarrassment] Kitai!
Kitai: All that fuss about the men in a separate room. I should have shared a room with my Aleran and you with yours. We all would have been happier.
Isana: Kitai!
Kitai: Though I suppose we might not have gotten things done as quickly. [peers down at Araris] How is he with his mouth?
- Varg's reaction after Tavi gives him an Aleran ship biscuit to eat: Namely, to visibly wince and mutter "Alerans might be hardier than I thought."
- Ehren overhears Tavi say Isana is the First Lady of Alera, initially leading him to assume that she's a glamored Caria.
- At one point, Araris and Isana are talking and Araris mentions how he dislikes being on the ship with the Cane; he smells like wet dog. A little while later, when they're all getting off The Slive:Varg: [growls something in Canish, causing Tavi to laugh]
Isana: What did he say?
Tavi: That he’s glad to get off this ship. He says it smells like wet people here.- On a related note, Isana notices Kitai give a sunny smile to one of the sailors aboard the Slive - more specifically, one who has a nasty cut on his chin. The sailor in question then visibly flinches in fear and quickly finds something else to occupy his time with.Kitai murmured to Isana, "I take my shirt off once, and it is as if these Alerans think I have invited them all to mate with me."
Isana glanced at the retreating young sailor. "Oh, dear. Why didn't you say anything?"
Kitai shrugged. "There was nothing to it. He made advances. I objected."
Isana arched an eyebrow. "I see. At what point did your objections draw blood?"
"Here," Kitai said, drawing a finger across her chin. "And another you can't see, right about..." She started untucking her shirt from her trousers.
- On a related note, Isana notices Kitai give a sunny smile to one of the sailors aboard the Slive - more specifically, one who has a nasty cut on his chin. The sailor in question then visibly flinches in fear and quickly finds something else to occupy his time with.
- As Amara and Bernard are trying to get rid of one of Kalarus' mounted patrols to make sure Gaius Sextus isn't found:Amara: [to Bernard] I need to know something.
Bernard: Yes, I was serious when I said I'd never done that with any woman but you.
Amara: [lightly Dope Slaps him] Mind on business, Count Calderon. You can calm animals. Can you uncalm them, too?
Bernard: [grimaces] Spook their horses? Hate to do it. Horses are big, strong animals. Get them scared enough, they can hurt themselves pretty bad.
Amara: They're coming to kill us.
Bernard: The riders are. I doubt the horses have strong feelings one way or another.
Amara: [weakly smiles at him] You can strike down enemy Knights, shoot furious High Lords from the sky, make war on creatures out of nightmares, and fight garim the size of ponies three at a time without flinching. But you don't want to frighten horses.
Bernard: [sheepishly] ...I like horses. - Ehren in response to a Crazy Enough to Work plan from Tavi after he's woken up at the Free Aleran camp:Tavi: [grinning] Are you in?
Ehren: The plan is insane. You are insane... (looks around) I'll need some pants.- Speaking of Ehren, as he and Tavi ride back from Mastings to the ruined town where the surviving Aleran legionares are camped, Ehren can't help but keep nervously mumbling about how the Aleran legionares on watch might get jumpy and shoot them out of pure reflex. Tavi, meanwhile, is too busy studying the carnage left over from the failed defense against the Canim earlier that day to add much... at least at first.Ehren: [while holding a torch] It happens all the time. Especially when a Legion's taken a beating. Nervous archers on watch. They're tired. Half-asleep. They hear something. Thwang, wham. Then they shout "Who goes there?" while you bleed.
Tavi: Look at all the discarded helmets. The holes punched in the top. Ancient Romanic writings we found at Appia mention a weapon that could do that - they called it a "falx".
Ehren: Did the ancient Romanics ever get shot in the dark by mistake? Because I'd really hate the file on me in the Cursor Legate's office to end like that.
Tavi: [smiles slightly] You aren't worrying in the right direction.
Ehren: No?
Tavi: I'm more worried about some enterprising young Cane who doesn't see eye to eye with Varg and Nasaug putting a couple of balest bolts through our backs.
Ehren: [glares at Tavi] That's very reassuring. I'm glad I'm carrying the light. They'll shoot you first.
Tavi: That's the spirit.
- Speaking of Ehren, as he and Tavi ride back from Mastings to the ruined town where the surviving Aleran legionares are camped, Ehren can't help but keep nervously mumbling about how the Aleran legionares on watch might get jumpy and shoot them out of pure reflex. Tavi, meanwhile, is too busy studying the carnage left over from the failed defense against the Canim earlier that day to add much... at least at first.
- Kitai muttering how Navaris is a "crazy bitch" after having gotten the Ax-Crazy cutter to let Araris and Isana go.
- Tavi gives a speech declaring his true identity (Gaius Octavian, the rightful heir to the throne) and challenges Arnos to juris macto. As he's giving the speech, a volcano erupts, causing the earth to shake and houses to collapse. While all this is awesome, the funniness comes when we hear Tavi's internal monologue, where he's thinking he has absolutely no idea what's going on, but it makes his speech that much cooler, so he's just gonna roll with it while everyone watches in shock and awe.As Tavi spoke, there was a rumble in the earth, so low-pitched that it shook his teeth, and the ground began to tremble. Tavi's heart leapt, and he almost followed suit in fear of plummeting stonework, seeking shelter under a nearby archway that had somehow survived.
If he scrambled for cover, though, it wouldn't make a terribly regal impression upon those watching. Tavi elected to role with the situation. He had no idea what was happening, but bloody crows, it certainly added something to the delivery. - Near the end, we read from Isana's POV as she leads the troops in saying Tavi's name as part of a literal Crowning Moment of Awesome... and then there's a switch to Tavi's POV where his reaction is simply exasperation that they're too busy chanting his name to hear him trying to tell them that Arnos is getting away.
Princeps' Fury
- Before the prologue is featured a poem found inscribed within the ruins of Appia. Clearly authored by a legionare, it’s a solemn elegy; a lament for Rome, their lost mother. And then, scratched in crude lettering, there’s the following addendum:Good riddance, gluttonous whore! Victory Germania!
- The beginning features a rather hilarious sequence in which a couple of former members of Kalarus' army are traveling, along with a third who turns out to be Ehren. One of them is babbling incessantly while the other gets more and more annoyed... until eventually Ehren, who has apparently had enough, quietly comes up behind him and breaks a tree branch over his head. Too bad about what happens next.
- On the subject of avoiding leviathans, the Canim elder Gradash notes to Tavi that the Canim just sail around the creatures' territories unlike the Alerans, who can sail through their aquatic ranges by using their "witchmen" to have their ships be hidden from notice:"It must make for some complex sailing patterns."
Gradash shrugged. "Respect is elder to convenience."
"And besides," Tavi said drily, "if you didn't respect them, they'd eat you."
"Survival is also elder to convenience," Gradash agreed. - Valiar Marcus is giving language lessons to a young Canim officer, and is trying to tactfully explain the difference between telling someone they have a weak sense of smell and telling them that they smell bad. The Cane takes the criticism badly, and lunges at Marcus. The old Centurion is prepared, however, and body slams the nine-foot-tall wolfman into a daze... and then continues correcting his grammar as if nothing had happened.
- Tavi serving food on the Slive after the storm.Captain Demos: You really don't have any idea at all how to be a Princeps, do you?
Magnus: Extra mash, please, Your Highness. - A minor but hilarious scene where Max shows the Shuarian Canim the power of watercrafting by healing their leader's leg wound. The Canim warriors are immediately and intensely interested, and when Max tells them he needs a healing tub, they almost instantly grab a barrel, fill it with water, and dump their leader inside, all because they just want to see watercrafting at work.
- Note that when the Canim become interested in this, they rush up around the injured Canim and start sniffing and growling excitedly. Anyone who has worked with large groups of curious dogs knows exactly what this looks and sounds like. The mental image of a dozen nine-foot-tall terrifying wolfmen suddenly turning into a pack of curious puppies is hilarious.
- Afterwards, Anag thanks Tavi for the use of his healer (aka Max). Tavi notes his actual healers would be mildly offended at the comparison.
- The bit later, when Max curses at the Canim in Canish is hilarious, as is how Gradash and Max apparently teach each other dirty words in each others' languages.
- Just before that, Max reveals that he read up on furycrafting theory, and tells Tavi that Aleran scholars believe that furycrafting is impossible away from Alera. Tavi orders him to forget everything he read, invoking Achievements in Ignorance, which Max cheerfully agrees to do.
- Magnus declares that it would be the duty of every Aleran in Canea to die as quickly and efficiently if possible if that's what it took to get Princeps Octavian safely home. Kitai tartly points out that given the aforementioned's non-existent skills at sea, the death of every Aleran in Canea could not possibly get him safely home.
- Max complains about the Canim cavalry mounts, which are bull-sized mule-buffalo-camel hybrids called taurga that have the pleasant temperment of a half-soaked cat."Legionares do not fear dinner. Dinner fears legionares."
- In light of this statement, the name of Max's mount is also pertinent: "Steaks and New Boots".
- At one point, during a deadly serious and secret conversation about the Vord, Max is loudly cussing out his Taurga as a distraction. It wraps up with "And not even SHE would do that with you, no matter how much gold or how many burlap sacks were involved!"
- It's also worth noting that Crassus is able to briefly stop Max from continuing to complain about how frustrating Steaks and New Boots is by musing how the taurg has finally giving Max something actually legitimate to complain about.Max's eyebrows lifted, and his expression became that of a man who is mulling over a new thought.
- It's also worth noting that Crassus is able to briefly stop Max from continuing to complain about how frustrating Steaks and New Boots is by musing how the taurg has finally giving Max something actually legitimate to complain about.
- He has plenty to complain about: After all, Tavi's mount behaves admirably... which means it only tries to kill him an average of twice between meals.
- But it does interrupt a tender moment between Tavi and Kitai. By rearing up and tossing them both 20 feet away. Into a small, nearly-freezing swamp.Kitai: [while glaring at Tavi] I am stuck. I blame you.
[Durias and Max ride over to Kitai and Tavi, and Max gives a dramatic flourish to Tavi]
Max: My lord, are we to take our leisure here for a time, then?
[Tavi gives Max a Death Glare, stands up in the swamp, and then pulls Kitai to her feet... only to succeed in both of them immediately slipping back into the freezing mud, Kitai now lying on top of Tavi]
Durias: [in as sober a tone as possible] We could put up curtains for privacy if you like, my lord.
[Tavi looks over to see Varg and Anag sitting on their own taurga a few yards away, both not saying a word but clearly "grinning" at him and Kitai]
Tavi: [wearily sighs] Just throw us a line, Max. And catch that bloody taurg before he runs into the ocean.
Max: You hear that, Steaks? It wasn't the Princeps' fault. Your bloody friend way over there was rebellious. Just you watch and see what happens when royal displeasure falls on uppity insurrectionists.
- But it does interrupt a tender moment between Tavi and Kitai. By rearing up and tossing them both 20 feet away. Into a small, nearly-freezing swamp.
- Warmaster Lararl has the little party of ambassadors, including a Knight-level windcrafter who can fly, imprisoned... by stranding them on a rooftop with no way down. Needless to say, they're not particularly impressed.Max: They cannot possibly be serious.
- There's also Tavi's snarky reply to Max's complaining about being given work on top of Lararl's fortress.Max: You aren't going to last long as First Lord if you go around handing your singulares compulsory homework, my lord.
Tavi: I know. But if I'm forced to spend my time listening to all their complaining, I'll knife myself and save the assassins the bother.
- There's also Tavi's snarky reply to Max's complaining about being given work on top of Lararl's fortress.
- As they are travelling towards the nearest Canean Vord Queen's lair, Tavi's group makes camp in a Canim farm. As they watch Varg's Hunters set up camp, Tavi shows his Farm Boy upbringing, commenting on the cleverness of the Canim's portable enclosures. Durias has no idea how to react.Durias just blinked at Tavi.
- Oh, and his esteem for Tavi only grows after the young Princeps mentions the specific breed of sheep he was raised to handle (Rivan Mountain Whites), which he himself admits to being a handful.
- Doroga turning the snark on centuries of Aleran tradition when mediating a Duel to the Death. Made even better by how High Lord Antillus Raucus is giving Doroga a Death Glare during his whole spiel while Isana is just smiling to herself."I am the Master of Arms. I read up on your combat law. It means I come over here and tell you all the rules, even though everyone here knows them better than I do. (...) Lord Antillus, there, is the challenged. He gets to choose how the duel will be fought. He's chosen steel and fury, which basically means anything goes, which is how fighting ought to be done in any case. Isana is the challenger, which means she gets to choose the time and place of the duel. She has chosen here and now. Obviously. Or none of us would be standing out here in the wind."
- Earlier in the same book, Doroga is very impressed by Isana using snow to defend the Icemen's envoy against a very powerful lightning attack from Antillus Raucus and his coterie:"I ever invade Calderon again," he said, "it will be in the summer."
Isana stared wearily at him, and said, "I'd see to it you never got those sweetbread cakes you like. Ever again."
Doroga gave her a wounded look, sniffed, and said to Walker, "Alerans don't ever fight fair." - Speaking of Isana, she gets one mixed with CMoA when High Lady Placidus Aria is being affected by the Hate Plague inadvertently afflicting the Icemen & Alerans and is ignoring Isana's orders to stand down, Isana reaches her Rage Breaking Point — as in, she gets completely fed up, storms over to Aria, and slaps her with enough force to knock the High Lady on her rump and then begin lecturing her with all the scorn that only a mother could have for an unruly child. The fact that Aria is described as briefly just staring at Isana in silent astonishment as Isana lectures her on her idiocy in a manner that, as Isana notes, no one has probably dared to speak to the high-ranking Citizen with since she was a young girl, only adds another layer of humor onto the whole thing.
- Earlier in the same book, Doroga is very impressed by Isana using snow to defend the Icemen's envoy against a very powerful lightning attack from Antillus Raucus and his coterie:
- The culmination of Kitai's Running Gag about how she wanted a horse for her chala, but got Tavi. After using Tavi as bait to draw out a Vord Queen, Kitai cheerily remarks that Tavi makes a great "stalking cow". Tavi wearily corrects her that the actual term is "stalking horse", and Kitai then pauses to ask what kind of idiot would risk harming a perfectly good horse. Cue both Max and Durias bursting into laughter.
- In a Black Comedy sense, there's the mere fact that Gaius Sextus is so self-aware of how much of a ruthless Anti-Hero bastard he is that when he, Ehren, and his personal physician Sireos figure out that First Lady Gaius Caria has been regularly poisoning Sextus for the last several years through adding excessive medicine to his meals, Sextus's response isn't to immediately vaporize her or vow vengeance but to let her escape unpunished. Basically, Sextus's reaction to learning someone was poisoning him for years out of revenge for trapping them in a loveless marriage was "Eh, fair enough."
First Lord's Fury
- In the prologue:
- Kitai has discovered her relationship with Tavi is considered equal to be at best a concubine and at worst a whore to the Citizenry of Alera. She is furious with Tavi for neglecting that, for leaving him open to an attack by which she is the weapon, and when he stammeringly admits he just thought they would get together anyway without him courting her by her people's ways, it infuriates her to no end, she cuts off all their pleasure together.
- At the end of the scene, Alera, the ancient fury who has seen mountains become valleys of rivers and grass, who would feel no real sadness at Tavi's death the following conversation happens:Tavi: (glaring at her) You're taking her side because she's a girl.
Alera: Yes. I may be no expert, but I have learned enough of your ways to know which side of this debate I am obliged to support.
- Max throwing the belligerent Cane Tarsh through a building, while Marcus muses that Max must have been learning diplomacy from Tavi: this time, he threw Tarsh through a wooden building instead of a stone one.
- The Vord Queen uses watercrafting to send a message to everyone in Alera. This means that a life-size replica of her appears wherever there is enough water. How does Varg disrupt it? He takes a helmet, uses it to scoop the image's head off, drinks it down, and then shouts:
- After that, Tavi sends his own message back, giving a Rousing Speech and words of kindness and empathy to those civilian Alerans who will die from starvation, giving them empathy and love, while holding any "Citizen" to task. A heartwarming and awesome moment made hilarious as it was also a distraction. The message awoke the sentries around her imprisoned holds filled with captured people, and she silenced them to hear the message, allowing Tavi's knights to swoop in, take care of these sentries, and bring back the people. Crassus also took the time to take every bit of food and even the livestock just to spite the Vord Queen. The Vord Queen was so furious, they could hear her screams of rage from ten miles away.
- Valiar Marcus/Fidelias and Tavi discussing Marat courtship rituals since Tavi is trying to figure out how to arrange an epic romance with Kitai while his forces are on campaign:Marcus: I've heard stories.
Tavi: Like what?
Marcus: [shrugs] The usual. That they mate with their beasts. That they participate in blood rites and orgies before battle. [suppresses a shudder] That their females are beaten until they submit to the will of a husband.
Tavi: [loudly snorts in derision]
Marcus: [soberly nods] Aye. If the Ambassador is any indication, that last one is so much dandelion fluff.- And then, after Marcus notes that, based on rumors, the actual Marat courtship ritual is a trial by either contest or combat as organized by the Marat woman:Tavi: Trial by combat. [starts muttering darkly to himself] Perfect.
Marcus: [while very carefully keeping a straight face] Love is a wonderful thing, sire.
[Tavi shoots Marcus a Death Glare]
- And then, after Marcus notes that, based on rumors, the actual Marat courtship ritual is a trial by either contest or combat as organized by the Marat woman:
- Apparently, Gaius Primus' reaction upon first meeting the Great Fury Alera was "Bother, I've gone mad."
- Tavi gives a stream of orders to Schultz, Max, and Crassus. None of them have all the information Tavi has, and since Tavi finds being mysterious like heroin for commanders, he doesn't give it to them, so the orders don't make much sense anyone but him. The reactions:Schultz: I have no idea what you're talking about, sir. On my way.
(After Tavi has issued orders to Max and Crassus)
Crassus: At least it won't be more ice ships.
Tavi: Not... exactly, no.
Max: Does he know how annoying that is?
Crassus: Oh, absolutely.
Max: You think we should say anything about it?
Crassus: The burden of command is heavy. We should probably let him have his sick fun.
Max: Especially since he's going to do it anyway.
Crassus: He is the mighty First Lord. We are but lowly legionares. We obey without question.
Max: We do?
Crassus: That was a question. You're questioning.
Max: Right. Sorry. - The Reveal behind how Tavi was able to bargain with the Icemen for their help in quickly moving his forces from Antillus to Phyrgia: He gave the Shieldwall to the Icemen. Tavi then notes that the Icemen owning the Shieldwall will make them "considerably less likely to attempt to demolish it on a weekly basis". Made even funnier by how Marcus is literally having heart palpitations out of utter shock from the whole conversation while Tavi absentmindedly muses that the Alerans could potentially lease the Shieldwall back from the Icemen after the Vord are defeated.
- Phrygia's stammering son. Seriously, the boy is awesome. And Tavi and Kitai quickly realize this. Which is why Tavi thinks, "If I survive this, I have to give this kid a job," and why they start arguing about who saw him first. The only ways the scene would have been more awesomely hysterical would've been if the boy had miraculously happened to speak Canish, the language they were using to discuss him right in front of him, or if Varg had joined in on the argument.Cyricus: Y-you are w-welcomed as a guest, sir. B-but if you hurt anyone under my lord f-father's protection, I will kill you myself.
Varg: It will be as you say in your house, young Master. [to Tavi, in Canish] Does the pup remind you of anyone, Tavar?
Tavi: [in Canish] As I recall, I had a knife to your throat at the time.
Varg: [musing] It did give you a certain credibility.- And when the young man yet again shows his remarkable competence:Kitai: [smirks] Oh my. I might be in love.
Tavi: I saw him first.
[Varg's ears start quivering in the Canim equivalent of laughter]
- And when the young man yet again shows his remarkable competence:
- Canim giving legionares piggyback rides. Very effective for speedy transportation, but not a popular idea. A slightly loopy-from-exhaustion Marcus had this to say:How different would the role of cavalry be if horses could talk?
And draw swords.
And eat their riders.
He thought there might be a great deal less running about. - Attis taking time out of his duel to the death with Invidia to serve her divorce papers.
- Doroga bursts in on the Vord ambush on the lines of fleeing refugees from Riva. He's very cheerful about it, all the while doing grievous harm to the Vord around him.Doroga: Good day!
- And when he finally meets Gaius Aquitainus Attis:Attis: You must be headman Doroga.
Doroga: Yes. You are the man whose people convinced Atsurak to lead thousands of my people to a bloody death. (...) I will have your promise not to do it again.
- And when he finally meets Gaius Aquitainus Attis:
- Tavi has just had a major Moment of Awesome by destroying Riva's nigh-impenetrable wall by bringing up and freezing giant plants around the gate, and then using a fireball to shatter it. What's his reaction upon seeing this work? "Oh crap, I didn't mean to cause that much damage. I'm gonna have to pay Riva a lot to fix this mess."
- For a supposedly quick thinker, Tavi takes some time to get a hint.Kitai nodded in satisfaction. "Come. You need to get back to your wagon and rest. Varg has things well in hand."
"I should stay," Tavi said. "Watch. Who knows, there might be something here, some clue as to their weakness."
Kitai looked at him with what looked like enormous patience that was nonetheless clearly being tried. "Aleran," she said between her teeth, "you should rest. In your wagon. Your enclosed, covered wagon. While nearly everyone else is busy with the battle."
Tavi blinked at her owlishly, then his eyes widened. "Oh," he said. A sudden smile lifted his mouth. "Oh." - We get a little gem within an otherwise serious chapter. During the briefing for the final defense at Calderon Valley, Senator Valerius continually complains about the fact that Bernard built all kinds of fortifications without telling anyone, and wonders out loud where the money came from. Despite High Lord Antillus' objections, he continues to question Bernard and Amara's integrity and reliability — until High Lord Placida simply picks him up and hurls him bodily from the tent."Ass," muttered Raucus.
"Thank you, Placida," the Princeps murmured in a dry voice. "Countess, please continue."- The real kicker to this scene? Placida follows up the tossing by dealing with Valerius' bodyguards too. He doesn't even need to do anything to them. He just gives them a Death Glare and points at the door. They take the hint.
- Preceding that, Amara gets her own Crowning Moment of Funny and Awesome when a pompous Knight, who's also both an ally of Valerius and a friend of Kalarus Brencis Minoris (which should tell you all you need to know about him) refuses to let Doroga into the Princeps' tent and she decks him so hard that she breaks her wrist. She says it was Worth It.
- The absolutely hilarious conversation between the various High Lords and Ladies at the Calderon Valley. Just as an example:Antillus Raucus: Well. There it is.
Phrygius: Brilliant last words. We'll put them on your memorium. Right next to, "He died stating the obvious."
Placidus Sandos: Ah. It begins.
Phrygius: See? Sandos knows how to go out with style.
Antillus Raucus: You want to go out with style, I'll strangle you with your best silk tunic.- In general, interactions between High Lords Antillus and Phrygius more closely resemble a Boke and Tsukkomi Routine than discussions between two of the most august and elite members of Alera's Citizenry.
- Prior to the final attack on the Calderon Valley, Amara and Aria shared some heartfelt words and a hug, then Sandos joins them:Lord Placida had approached as they spoke, and he smiled briefly as they both turned to him. "In point of fact, dear, all of us owe her our lives."
Aria arched an imperious eyebrow. "You are not going to hug the pretty little Parcian girl, you goat."
Placida nodded gravely. "Foiled again." - Lord Gram's reaction to seeing the vordbulks for the first time. As the other High Lords and assembled Citizens discuss what to do about them, Gram's only lines for about three solid pages are a repeated, "Bloody crows", occasionally mixed with, "Blighted bloody crows."
- There's something hilarious about how the narration specifies that Marcus orders the Knights Aeris to "Keep those bloody bug men off my roof!" It makes perfect sense in context — and it's a serious, deadly context — but the wording and implied tone just makes him seem more annoyed than worried he's going to get torn limb from limb.
- As part of Tavi's increasingly desperate gambits to finally get rid of the Awakened Vord Queen, he tries to incite the wrath of the Calderon Valley's Great Furies, Garados and Thana Livia, against her. Unfortunately, the Awakened Vord Queen instead starts leashing the Great Furies to her will, which if successful, would basically let her automatically win the Vord War. Cue Kitai repeatedly — and pettily — digging Tavi about making such a harebrained scheme as she & Tavi fly over to interfere with the Awakened Vord Queen's binding attempts.
- The Great Fury Alera's musing on how the Women Are Wiser trope still somehow applies to the "married" Garados and Thana Livia:Alera: [to Tavi] Poor Garados. He's quite mad, you know. Thana does all that she can for him, trying to keep your folk away, but she's scarcely less psychotic than he is, the past few centuries.
- Tavi and Kitai getting married Aleran style in the epilogue. More precisely, Kitai's reaction.Kitai: [to her and Tavi's infant son Desiderius] It is foolish, but we must endure this Aleran nonsense. It will make your father happy.
Tavi: It's a necessary formality. That's all.
Kitai: (ignoring him) Like many Alerans, he places undue value upon acts performed in front of witnesses in which all manner of ridiculous things are done that would be much more simply done at a desk or table than here. But we love him, so we will do these things.(After Tavi explains the ceremony)
Kitai: You... are quite serious, aren't you?
Tavi: That's... the wedding ceremony. I mean... granted there's no swordplay or arson or rock climbing, but what were you expecting?- The challenge from the first book when they were both kids included all three of those things, which they would subsequently claim as an Accidental Marriage.
