History Funny / ChickenPika

* "So then I woke up in the hospital. Shit. Doctor shouted, 'Good Lord, he survived!' I have to say, that wasn't very reassuring. Doctor shouted, 'Be like Jack! Be smart! Go to hell!'" "No!" ([[UnreadablyFastText Yes, I realize I'm milking the fuck out of the whole "subversion of expectations" thing]]) "'Go to a school for special kids.' Then I said, 'First of all, no need to shout, prick. Second of all, who the fuck is Jack?'"

* "She said 'sorry' but showed me her [[CurseCutShort sna—]]" "Nope!" "—her shed with bottles full of lemon stuff. But the door was jammed so I had to go in the back. Anddna anddna and everything was tighter than an 11-year-old. After the trip to Chocolate Island was over, everyone came. Well actually, no one orgasmed at all. Sus."

* "I get my balls out and then I teabag that dead fruit. There's my mum, she's doing the same!" (WHAT)

* "Hand on the bitch. Hand on the fridge, feel the rhythm of the food. Hand on the windmills, feel the rhythm of the rain. Hand on your throat, feel the old wrinkled— [=hI eVeRyBoDy! AnYtHiNg HaPpEn ToDaY?=] Hand on your bag, feel the plulp! Hand in the sea, feel the rhythm of the dirty soapy water. Hand on your heart, feel the rhythm in sus ''sus''. Hand on your girlfriend's belly, feel the rhythm of the ''baby!'' [[SurprisePregnancy What am I gonna do?]] Hand on the woman in the sweetie kiosk, feel the rhythm of the sexual harassment lawsuit."

[[AC:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZIFjF8LPyw ‪The Michael Rosen Rapid Snatch Expansion (15k Sub Special)‬]]]]

* "[tongue click] [[SubvertedTrope Windmills.]]"

* "Someone calls the police, so I take a plum grenade out of my foreskin—" "NOPE!" (Michael, we all know you're Jewish. Tell the story properly, or I'll go get the Skyfoogle.) "Okay. Yay." ("[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS1E16SonicRainboom Yay.]]") "I took it out of my urethra…"

* "It's the blade of a [[RunningGag nice.]]"

* "A boy said, 'I'm really glad my dad called me Gary Cockter'. I said, 'Why is that?' He said, 'Because all the kids at shool kick me in the nuts.'"

* "Make it go away—''make it go away''—'''make it go away'''—'''''make it go away'''''"

[[AC: Michael Desecrates the Dead]]

[[AC: Barbers, Woodmills, and Sticky Christmas Presents]]

[[AC: Michael of the Valley of the Windmills]]

[[AC: Michael Harvests Plum Sauce]]

* "As a Canadian citizen, [[TakeThat I wholeheartedly apologize for the hell-spawned abomination that is Celine Dion." "Never mind, because you've given the world something rather nice, I think you know what I mean: Music/{{Rush}}. Wonderful."

[[AC: Michael Rosen's Abusive Childhood]]

[[AC: Michael Gives Bad Teaching Advice]]

[[AC:The Forbidden Plams]]

[[AC:The Tyrannical Inspeps]]

[[AC:The Useless Outing]]

[[AC:Babyfiddle]]

[[AC:Washing Up the Blood]]

[[AC:Solomon the Necrotic Feline]]

[[AC:The Forbidden Plams]]

[[AC:The Tyrannical Inspeps]]

[[AC:[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R9INoQp2_A The London Slave Auction]]]]
* "There was a man who turned up 'round London once, put up a 10-year-old boy for sale. So this boy said, 'My name is Scheddle and I run really fast!' Dad said, 'Waste of money, he won't survive.' Then I said, 'Shh. If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you.' I put up my hand. 'Yes?' said the man. I said, 'A bag of plums for the boy called Scheddle!' 'Good!', he said. 'Sold to the guy with a vagina under his head!' Anyway, then we went home. So I give Scheddle a bag of stuff and I say, 'Right, Scheddle. You go 'round the shops for hours and you sell these things. Do you understand?' 'No.' 'All I'm asking you to do is peddle, Scheddle!'" (Yes, that was a 40-second setup for a single crappy joke. What 'chu gon do about it?)
* "There was a man who turned up 'round our way once saying that he was going to put on show: a terref creature callllac...[[spoiler:[[FauxHorrific the rabbit]].]]"

[[AC:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXMGZDy1igE Such a Sad, Sad Place]]]]
* "I think it's bad news they don't put papal dispensation in our school loos. If you need a divorce, tough shit."
* "I gave my gay dad all kinds of crispy bacon."
* "I read in a book that giraffes is blue. Does it?"
* "Fuck Christmas."

[[AC:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yANtmchbJHY The Great Big Windmill Conspiracy]]]]
* "The Michael Rosen fucking horrible prison buttsex, or how I learned to stop fucking around and start working on the shit I promised I would work on, or… (''big breath'') Michael plays ''VisualNovel/KatawaShoujo'' 2."
* "Well, actually, I cannot find a way to get video footage from the game, so I'm gonna do the best [[FreudianSlip little girl]] —" (''color bars'') "No! The best I can, and off we go!"
* "So then I woke up in the hospital. Shit. Doctor shouted, 'Good Lord, he survived!' I have to say, that wasn't very reassuring. Doctor shouted, 'Be like Jack! Be smart! Go to hell!'" "No!" ([[UnreadablyFastText Yes, I realize I'm milking the fuck out of the whole "subversion of expectations" thing]]) "'Go to a school for special kids.' Then I said, 'First of all, no need to shout, prick. Second of all, who the fuck is Jack?'"
* "She said 'sorry' but showed me her [[CurseCutShort sna—]]" "Nope!" "—her shed with bottles full of lemon stuff. But the door was jammed so I had to go in the back. Anddna anddna and everything was tighter than an 11-year-old. After the trip to Chocolate Island was over, everyone came. Well actually, no one orgasmed at all. Sus."
* "Oh no, the moment I dread when that bitch stabs me in the back. (''{{beat}}'') Maybe it's because that's what I did to her with my penis."

[[AC:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXDV1eo7CO8 Of Raps and Rosens]]]]
* "You may think my mom's really good at sucking penis, you may think I spend all my money visiting teenage prostitutes, you may think my dad wants windmills stuck in his butt, you may think I've got plums in my eyes, but hang onto your sis sis sis and listen really well, I'm gonna give you toenail clippers that'll clip your toenails!"
* "I dismember furries."
* "So that's what Eileen is, with a B, with an I, with a T, with a C, with an H."

[[AC:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qI32vqKJz4 Ashens Reviews Some Shish]]]]
* The opening:
-->'''WebVideo/StuartAshen''': This week, a change to our advertised programming. Yes, um, [=ChickenPika=] had a [[Creator/MichaelRosen Rosen]] video lined up, but he killed somebody and sliced their corpse up. What?
* "21% of your daily recommended dose of degenerated vomit, 44% of your daily recommended dose of shit, 28% of faaf, 30% of sauce, and 49% of the adult guideline daily amount of potassium sorbate. It's time to masturbate."

* "Someone calls the police, so I take a plum grenade out of my foreskin—" "NOPE!" (Michael, we all know you're Jewish. Tell the story properly, or I'll go get the Skyfoogle.) "Okay. Yay." ("[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS1E16SonicRainboom Yay.") "I took it out of my urethra…"

[[AC:Stories About the Grandparents]]

[[AC:Michael's Summer Camp Experience]]

[[AC:Snatch Syrup]]

[[AC:The George Inspector]]

* "Whenever we sang in school, ♪there is a green hill♪—" (VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog's ''Green Hill Zone music starts playing'')

[[AC:The Terrfying Harrybo]]

[[AC:The Michael Rosen Shish + The Horrible]]

* "Mr. Strict was the boss. Mr. Goldfish was the fat red prick."

* "When I come in from [[ADateWithRosiePalms playing with myself,]] my dad calls me Dope-dope Grandad."

[[AC:Michael's Birthday Escape Attempt]]

* "Something Changes. (fade out, then to Michael about to tell a story) ''Jizz''.)

[[AC:Michael's Undiagnosed Behavioral Disorders]]

[[AC:Michael Rosen's Abuse of Power]]

[[AC:[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpOX-s8u_Do Michael Rosen's Abuse of Power]]]]
* [[RageAgainstTheAuthor Michael getting into a fight with the pooper]]
--> "Why don't we go to the I Don't Give a Fuck Museum? We can spend all day there looking at all the fucks I don't give."

* "There was a mwn who turned up 'round London once, put up a 10-year-old boy for sale. So this boy said, 'My name is Scheddle and I run really fast!' Dad said, 'Waste of money, he won't survive.' Then I said, 'Shh. If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you.' I put up my hand. 'Yes?' said the man. I said, 'A bag of plums for the boy called Scheddle!' 'Good!', he said. 'Sold to the guy with a vagina under his head!' Anyway, then we went home. So I give Scheddle a bag of stuff and I say, 'Right, Scheddle. You go 'round the shops for hours and you sell these things. Do you understand?' 'No.' 'All I'm asking you to do is peddle, Scheddle!'" (Yes, that was a 40-second setup for a single crappy joke. What 'chu gon do about it?)

[[AC:[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R9INoQp2_A The London Slave Auction]]
* There was a man who turned up 'round our way once saying that he was going to put on show: a terref creature callllac...[[spoiler:[[FauxHorrific the rabbit]].]]

* "{{Yuri|Genre}}." (image of ''LightNovel/StrawberryPanic)

* "When I was 8, I became a [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic Brony]]. Oh, that Rainbow Dash, always knew you were a bit gay."

* "Melanie ran out faster than an electronic raisin."

[[AC:Michael Rosen's Teacher Supports Apartheid]]

[[AC:Michael Rosen Falls in Love]]

[[AC:Michael Rosen Is a Horrible Teacher]]

[[AC:The Horrible Hollywood]]

[[AC:Mickey Rosenthall's Hip-Hop]]

[[AC:[=ChickenPika=]]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpOX-s8u_Do Michael Rosen's Abuse of Power]]
** [[RageAgainstTheAuthor Michael getting into a fight with the pooper]]
---> "Why don't we go to the I Don't Give a Fuck Museum? We can spend all day there looking at all the fucks I don't give."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c-_m6WVuW0 Michael's Fatal Dinnertime Squables]]
** "Here's me, and my mom's just given me, a plum. Anna anna and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's [[BaitAndSwitch my dad]]. [[DoubleSubversion And if there's another thing I can't stand it's plums]]."
** "Do you know there's some people in Jamaica who'd give their two-year-old to have sex with my face because they haven't had any sex for a whole week. I'm telling you this because..well, actually, I don't know why. Just eat your plum or they'll be no breathing for a whole week."
** "Stop that stupid dancing, vagina neck!"
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWmxP5vmvBs The Michael Rosen Rapid Anal Discharge]]
** "I think it's really bad news if they [[ThoseWackyNazis put Jews into the oven.]] That was 71 years ago. Now they're trying to invent an electronic sex partner. *Many tongue clicks and repetitions of "nice" in a big cluster*"
** "Hypnotizer, Hollywood, a hip hop headache, I'm giving you all the pizza."
** "Though I have to say, it was dark as PLUMS!"
** "Nothing to do, didn't want to do my dad."
** *after a StupidStatementDanceMix of [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda Song of Storms]] of Michael saying "drink"* "That was absolute shit."
** "One push, Mrs. Shush, and he'll be plums, I'm telling you that was a puzzle to me."
** "Hip-hop, a hip-fhop hap, I'm giving you all ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"
** "When I was 1, I swam to London airport, when I was 2, I ate semen. When I was 3, I was horribleelbirrorhorribanana. When I was 4, I ate hot food. When I was 5, I was in a band playing sex games. My favorite was rape. This is how we played rape. *cut to black* [[BlackComedyRape Get off me! NO! My hands are sticky.]] *back to Michael* [[OverlyLongGag When I was 6, I ate a bag of plumsplumsplumsplumspplumsIhadplumsplumsplumsmums]]! When I was 7, [[Film/PulpFiction I robbed a bank with a telephone.]] When I was 8, I became Prime State. When I was nyan, I clclosed clcall the schoohcs, when i was clc I ate a bag of nice."
** "I'm giving you all the Michael Rosen dead little girl. *click* [[SubvertedCatchphrase MAGIC!]]"
** "Alright class, I'm king. I'm drinking, and I want sex, and that includes buttsex."
** "Let's remind ourselves of a few things, shall we?" "NO!!!!!!"
** "Do we murder at 9:30 at school? No, we murder at 12:30. But Fans, you've already begun your mad dog stuff."
** "It's a lump on your head. It's the blade of a PLUM in there."
** "I was seven." THE END.
** "It was "write a story". And the best story would be thrown out the window."
** "I get my face right up into his slippery and sticky, and that's when I see the electronic rabbit."
** "When I get in, if there's one thing I love, it's breathing. I love the feel of my lungs on the oxygen."
** "If I hear about your dead parents, I shall give them to the ducks."
** "Without any explanations or questions being asked, just get out a very large penis and stick it up the children. Just fuck up any children."
** "One way that I like to think of this is [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment to think of this,]] is how can we create snatch that we can use to make children?"
** "The bed started to eat me. The sky started to eat me. The lemon started to [[BaitAndSwitch fuck me.]]"
** "He had a shed with tins full of screw you."
** "My mum tries to be a lamppost."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHqMyib54vw Michael Rosen the Cannibal]]
** "I was starving. All I had for breakfast was 1 teacher and 15 two-year-olds."
** "She said, "eating people is cruel. Eating people is murder." And so I said, "If you don't shush, I'm gonna eat YOU.""
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaQK3wGl2MM Michael Rosen's Adulterous Dad]]
** "She said, "How do you know I'm a prostitute?""
** "Melanie ran out faster than an electronic raisin."
** "And that's when my dad's penis became the dog's dinner."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kNKuvZQQnU The Collected Tales of Michael Rosen]]
** "You may think I'm crazy, you may think I'm mad. And you're right! Quite right!"
** "When I was one, I was DEAD, when I was two, [[CaptainObvious I was still dead]]. When I was three [[ILoveTheDead I started getting head]], when I was four I went to bed."
** "So I got my bag full of useless information, and I murdered my dad and Eileen, and everything was prison once again."
** "Mr. Strict was the boss. Mr. Goldfish was the fat red prick."
** "I knew Father Christmas was DEAD!"
** "When I come in from [[ADateWithRosiePalms playing with myself,]] my dad calls me Dope-dope Grandad."
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R9INoQp2_A The London Slave Auction]]
** There was a man who turned up 'round our way once saying that he was going to put on show: a terref creature callllac...[[spoiler:[[FauxHorrific the rabbit]].]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy42P4gOi2E The Wawaw and Other Tales of Rosenry]]
** "My mom and dad gave me pneumonia, [[NoSympathy and they scream "LOL"!]]"
** "One day at a camp, [[CrossesTheLineTwice we were playing Don't Tell Your Mother]], [[AssShove and I had to get twenty thousand pickles in my butt.]] (licks his mouth in excitement, and clicks his tongue with a grin. Fade to black, and then-) [[VoiceOfTheLegion CHOCOLATE CAKE]]."
** "I loved my brother's big book of dirty grandmothers. We'd sit around saying, mmmm, this is nice, this is ''really'' [[RunningGag nice]]."
** "My brother, is on the baby. Why? Because he's supposed to finish his beer before he has sex. He says he wants his pussy now."
** "Then my dad beats up mom with his penis. Toot."
** "My brother once told me that Mom wants the D. [[CatchPhrase *click* Nice]]. He said that if Uncle Chocolate Cake is having a go with Mom, then Uncle Matzah Butt won't join in."
** "Something Changes. (fade out, then to Michael about to tell a story) ''Jizz''.)
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXMGZDy1igE Such a Sad, Sad Place]]
** "I think it's bad news they don't put papal dispensation in our school loos. If you need a divorce, tough shit."
** "I gave my gay dad all kinds of crispy bacon."
** "I read in a book that giraffes is blue. Does it?"
** "Fuck Christmas."

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yANtmchbJHY The Great Big Windmill Conspiracy]]
** "The Michael Rosen fucking horrible prison buttsex, or how I learned to stop fucking around and start working on the shit I promised I would work on, or… (''big breath'') Michael plays ''VisualNovel/KatawaShoujo'' 2."
** "Well, actually, I cannot find a way to get video footage from the game, so I'm gonna do the best [[FreudianSlip little girl]] —" (''color bars'') "No! The best I can, and off we go!"
** "So then I woke up in the hospital. Shit. Doctor shouted, 'Good Lord, he survived!' I have to say, that wasn't very reassuring. Doctor shouted, 'Be like Jack! Be smart! Go to hell!'" "No!" ([[UnreadablyFastText Yes, I realize I'm milking the fuck out of the whole "subversion of expectations" thing]]) "'Go to a school for special kids.' Then I said, 'First of all, no need to shout, prick. Second of all, who the fuck is Jack?'"
** "She said 'sorry' but showed me her [[CurseCutShort sna—]]" "Nope!" "—her shed with bottles full of lemon stuff. But the door was jammed so I had to go in the back. Anddna anddna and everything was tighter than an 11-year-old. After the trip to Chocolate Island was over, everyone came. Well actually, no one orgasmed at all. Sus."
** "Oh no, the moment I dread when that bitch stabs me in the back. (''{{beat}}'') Maybe it's because that's what I did to her with my penis."
**

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXDV1eo7CO8 Of Raps and Rosens]]
** "You may think my mom's really good at sucking penis, you may think I spend all my money visiting teenage prostitutes, you may think my dad wants windmills stuck in his butt, you may think I've got plums in my eyes, but hang onto your sis sis sis and listen really well, I'm gonna give you toenail clippers that'll clip your toenails!"
** "I dismember furries."
** "So that's what Eileen is, with a B, with an I, with a T, with a C, with an H."

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qI32vqKJz4 Ashens Reviews Some Shish]]
** The opening:

** "21% of your daily recommended dose of degenerated vomit, 44% of your daily recommended dose of shit, 28% of faaf, 30% of sauce, and 49% of the adult guideline daily amount of potassium sorbate. It's time to masturbate."
**

** "[[DontExplainTheJoke See, the joke here is that, by not including any visuals,]] your brain [[FreudWasRight interprets what he's saying as unpleasant or sexual]] despite the fact that he's talking about [[ItMakesSenseInContext getting old ketchup out of a bottle]], thus allowing me to let your brain do all the work of making things funny [[SelfDeprecation because I'm a lazy fuck like that]] and have a massively inflated perception of your ability to [[FreezeFrameBonus read things quickly]]."

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzcuVW8RSG0 May the Prostitute]]
** "Her husband was black and he could-dluoc eh dna-and he could steal stuff with both hands. Black-tastic! One time, he turned up around our way and he said, 'Where da fuck be dat money?' I dunno, don't worry about it. 'Bitch, I'm gonna worry about it. If I don't be gettin' dat money, I cannot be gettin' dat crack."
** "I told my brother I wouldn't put a twig in his butt. He was an idiot to have believed me."
** "Whenever we sang in school, ♪there is a green hill♪—" (VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog's ''Green Hill Zone music starts playing'')
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