History Funny / AttackOnTitanAbridged

* After [[spoiler:Eren has his HeroicSecondWind and rescues Armin from being swallowed by a titan, Eren urges Armin to pull him out of the Titan's mouth. But just before Armin can save Eren, the titan bites down, [[AnArmAndALeg Eren losing his arm in the process.]] [[MoodWhiplash Then as the credits roll, whimsical and happy music plays.]]]]

'''Grisha:''' Funny you say that, cause I'm leaving today!

** Not long after Hannes' entrance, [[BigDamnHeroes he appears to save Eren, Mikasa and their mom, and is about to take on a titan]], but freezes dead in front of the Smiling Titan and [[BringMeMyBrownPants pisses himself]]. He flees, taking Eren and Mikasa with him, leaving Eren's mother to be eaten by the Smiling Titan.

** To be fair, it was pretty hilarious.
** <b><i> IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL HOLY SHIIIIET.</b></i>

** To be fair, it was pretty hilarious.

-->'''Shardis:''' (After Eren failed at using the 3D gear) What's the matter, Yeager? Is it too difficult for you? Well if you want to quit that's fine. We've got plenty of job openings at the custodial department so you can clean up your '''SHIT PERFORMANCE!!!!''' Why can't you ''be'' more like that majestic stallion, ''Jean'', over there?!\\

-->'''Shardis:''' (After Eren has mastered the 3D gear) Well sweet Pacific Rim-job, look at you, Yeager! You're all loose and tight at the same time! '''JEAN! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YEAGER-''BOMBASTIC'' OVER HERE?!'''\\

'''Shardis:''' *unnaturally quiet* Excellent comeback there, Yeager-bombastic. How will you follow suit, Jeany-boy?\\

--> '''Jean:''' (internally) I can't believe Yeager got 5 and I got 6! *grumbles*

--> '''Voices:''' *the picture freezes Hannes' name appears* [[FlatJoy Hannes]]!
** Not long after Hannes' entrance, [[BigDamnHeroes he appears to save Eren, Mikasa and their mom, and is about to take on a titan]], but freezes dead in front of the Smiling Titan and [[BringMeMyBrownPants pisses himself]]. He flees taking Eren and Mikasa with him, leaving Eren's mother to be eaten by the Smiling Titan.

--> *Eren screams as his mother is eaten by the Smiling Titan while Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" plays.*

--> '''Narrator:''' (laughing) And so hundreds of thousands of people DIED and the outer wall was taken over by Titans. And the survivors were forced into refugee camps where they didn't have enough food, so even more people died, YEAAAAA! But, how are Eren and the gang getting by?

* Eren tells Jean that he doesn't know what he's be through after the latter makes light of a titan eating Eren's mother. We then cut to Eren crying while eating something censored.

--> Since you have all successfully graduated, you may now choose between three different paths: the Garrison where you guard the walls and occasionally when no one is looking, spit and piss off the edge! And for the incredibly stupid- brave, the Recon Corps, where you can go out and fight Titans in their own territory! And finally the Military Police, where you serve the king and push around civilians!

'''Reiner:''' [[BoisterousBruiser Dude, look at how big I am]]. [[Irony I'm a beast]]!\\

--> '''Armin:''' Y'know, I woke up today and I realized I hate everyone and this happens. Oh, today's a win.

'''Armin:''' Ah, you know what? He makes a good ''[stutters]''\\

'''Reiner:''' [[BoisterousBruiser Dude, look at how big I am]]. [[IRony I'm a beast]]!\\

--> Since you have all successfully graduated, you may now choose between three different paths: the Garrison where you guard the walls and occasionally when no one is looking spit and piss off the edge, and for the incredibly stupid- brave, the Recon Corps where you can go out and fight Titans in their own territory, and finally the Military Police where you serve the king and push around civilians.

* When the newly graduated soldiers are cleaning the Wall:

-->'''Armin:''' TINK TINK!

* The graduation officer voiced by [[AtopTheFourthWall Lewis Lovhaug.]]

'''Shardis:''' Oh. '''OH, YOU THINK THIS IS [[Manga/HighschoolOfTheDead HAREM OF THE DEAD]], YOU SHRIMP-DICKED FUCK NUGGET?!''' Boy, if you can't pull up a tractor out of your wiener slot, AND TURN, then you shouldn't even bother trying to be with the king!

* After Eren has his HeroicSecondWind and rescues Armin from being swallowed by a titan, Eren urges Armin to pull him out of the Titan's mouth. But just before Armin can save Eren, the titan bites down, [[AnArmAndALeg Eren losing his arm in the process.]] [[MoodWhiplash Then as the credits roll, whimsical and happy music plays.]]
** Even better is that the music is the theme from ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'', and in that show's style they have a title card saying "Eren Gets Eaten".
* The ending, where Eren and Armin... er, "communicate" back-and-forth about a plan for Armin to pull Eren out of a Titan's mouth, on the count of three. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dnwJYSl7eo&t=2m40s It has to be heard.]]

--> '''Mikasa:''' I want to have sex with you really bad right now.

--> '''Voices:''' *the picture freezes Hannes' name appears* Hannes!

* Guys, you realise that between us, we have basically quoted the entire episode? Not that I'm disagreeing with you, or anything like that.

* '''TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER!'''

-->'''Eren:''' One- *the Titan's mouth closes, and Eren's arm goes flying*

* The ending, where Eren and Armin... er, "communicate" back-and-forth about a plan for Armin to pull Eren out of a Titan's mouth (on the count of three). It has to be heard.

** Even better is that the music is the theme from ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'', and in that show's style they have a title card saying "Eren Gets Eaten"

-->'''Reiner:''' So, by being an unlikeable bitch, do you think people will like you ironically?\\

'''Shardis:''' You know, those are actually quite high in calories. You, uh. You know what's a real good way for burning off calories\\

-->'''Shardis:''' (After Eren has mastered the 3D gear) Well sweet Pacific Rim-job, look at you, Yeager! You're all loose and tight at the same time! Jean! Why can't you be more like Yeager-''bombastic'' over here?!\\

'''Reiner:''' Ha ha, this guy is great.

* Eren and his group mobilize to go take care of the titans, all while [[WesternAnimation/AGoofyMovie "Stand Out"]] plays, [[MoodWhiplash only to have the song stop [[spoiler: after Eren loses a leg from a titan's surprise attack.]]]]

* Hannes [[BigDamnHeroes appears to save Eren, Mikasa and their mom, and is about to take on a titan]], but freezes dead in front of the Smiling Titan and [[BringMeMyBrownPants pisses himself]]. He flees taking Eren and Mikasa with him, leaving Eren's mother to be eaten by the Smiling Titan.

--> ''Eren screams as his mother is eaten by the Smiling Titan while Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence" plays.''

'''Jean:''' Oh!\\

-->'''Reiner:''' *After being knocked down* Ah ha, nice! [[BlackComedy Now it's your turn to be the starving orphan with the knife!]]

'''Connie:''' '''I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS SSHIIIIET!'''\\

* After Eren tells off Jean, we get this exchange between Eren and Mikasa:

-->'''Eren:''' Well, if it isn't Bitchface McGee.

'''Shardis:''' *still quiet* Well, that may just work actually. [- But you know what might work better?-] '''GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP!''' *slams door shut*\\
'''Connie:''' *coughs*

'''Reiner:''' Dude, look how big I am. [[IRony I'm a beast]]!\\