History Funny / AssassinsCreedRevelations

** Made even better by Ezio having a very [[TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld Most Interesting Man in the Worldish]] beard.

* Ezio as a ''minstrel'', outfit, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNe2CD2czTg singing and all]]:

* A TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed Revelations is normal. But a TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed Revelations sung by WebOriginal/{{Tobuscus}}? [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyzIK5MFA94 Hilarious!]]

--> They raised the chain for ''me''?

---> '''Ezio:''' When I was your age my interests were... (distracted by a beautiful woman) were mainly... Salve. (hello)
---> '''Suleiman I:''' Incredible. I am surprised you got anything done.
---> '''Ezio:''' As was my mother.

---> '''Sofia:''' Who are you, messere?
---> '''Ezio:''' Only the most interesting man in your life.
---> '''Sofia:''' Che presuntuoso. (Presumptuous.)
** Made even better by Ezio having a very Most Interesting Man in the Worldish beard.

---> '''Yusuf:''' And don't be afraid to experiment. What's the worst that could happen?

---> ''Young Cesare, I heard him say/ [[NoManOfWomanBorn he could not be killed by man.]]/ So I tossed him through the air/ [[DisneyVillainDeath to see where he might land]].''
---> ''Cesare, Oh, Cesare/ [[CompleteMonster A man of great depravity]]/ He thought himself immortal/ 'til he had a date with gravity.''
---> ''There was once a man named Duccio/ [[CasanovaWannabe A rat with lecher's taste]]/ Whenever he would show himself/ My fist would find his face.''
---> ''Fair Lucrezia could not sate/ her appetite for lovers/ But I suspect she would be fine/ [[BrotherSisterIncest with two or three more brothers]].''
---> ''Oh, the beauties of Firenze/ can melt a heart you see/ Beware the girls of Roma/ [[STDImmunity lest fire you wish to pee.]]''
---> ''I am a tactless minstrel/ I sing off-key for coins/ If you see me in the street/ [[GroinAttack please kick me in the loins.]]''
---> ''The things I do to save the world/ surprise me time to time/ Like learning how to play the lute/ [[RhymesOnADime and making these words rhyme]].''

---> '''Suleiman:''' It is a relief to see you again, ''il mio bel menestrello'' ([[HoYay my handsome minstrel]]) Did I say that right?
---> '''Ezio:''' [[SureWhyNot Well enough]].

--->'''Duccio:''' ''[he recognizes you]'' ''Il diavolo in persona!''
--->'''Ezio:''' Duccio. A pleasure.

** There's a creepy part, though. The drink is a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirley_Temple_%28cocktail%29 Shirley Temple]] with a squirt of gin. A kid's fantasy for adults, like he thought the Templars were... until they kidnapped him as easily as they would pick up some change from a sidewalk.
* During one of the Desmond sequences he discusses how he ended up in New York. Apparently he was following some advice he heard somwhere saying.:
-->Nameless Voice: Go to New York. That way, if you go there with nothing, and you leave with nothing, no one will ask why, and if you leave with something, you're one lucky son of a bitch.

* Disarming opponents in the fourth Altaïr mission. Who knew seeing an 82 year old man kick someone in the balls was so utterly hilarious?

---> ''Young Cesare, I heard him say/ [[NoManOfWomanBorn he could not be killed by man.]]/ So I tossed him through the air/ to see where he might land.''
---> ''Cesare, Oh, Cesare,/ [[CompleteMonster A man of great depravity]]./ He thought himself immortal/ 'til he had a date with gravity.''

---> ''There was once a man named Duccio./ [[CasanovaWannabe A rat with lecher's taste]]/ Whenever he would show himself./ My fist would find his face.''

---> ''Oh, the beauties of Firenze can melt a heart you see. Beware the girls of Roma, [[STDImmunity lest fire you wish to pee.]]''
---> ''I am a tactless minstrel/ I sing off-key for coins./ If you see me in the street/ [[GroinAttack please kick me in the loins.]]''
---> ''The things I do to save the world/ surprise me time to time./ Like learning how to play the lute/ [[RhymesOnADime and making these words rhyme]].''

---> ''The things I do to save the world/ surprise me time to time./ Like learning how to play the lute/ and making these words rhyme.''

---> '''Suleiman:''' Ah, we meet again, ''il mio bel menestrello'' ([[HoYay my handsome minstrel]]) Did I say that right?

* Duccio, of all people, appear in this game for a short while. Found wooing Sofia Sartor (and she isn't pleased) until Ezio pops up from behind :
--->'''Duccio:''' ''[he recognizes you]'' Le diavolo in persona!

* YMMV, but during one of the Desmond sequences he discusses how he ended up in New York. Apparently he was following some advice he heard somwhere saying.:

* In one mission, Ezio helps the Romanies get back their coin chest. What makes it funny is that you take advantage of your poison darts and spread the rumor of a 'Romani curse'. As more and more people die from the poison darts, the guards start running away. Eventually, you pick the chest up and return it to the Roamni camp. As you do so, all the guards run screaming from the 'cursed chest' while Ezio and the Romanies' leader idly chit-chat in the background of their screams.

---> ''There was once a man named Duccio./ A rat with [[CasanovaWannabe lecher's taste]]/ Whenever he would show himself./ My fist would find his face.''
---> ''Fair Lucrezia could not sate her appetite for lovers. But I suspect she would be fine with [[BrotherSisterIncest two or three more brothers]].''

---> ''Oh, the beauties of Firenze can melt a heart you see. Beware the girls of Roma, [[STDImmunity lest fire you wish to pee.]''

---> ''Young Cesare, I heard him say/ he could not be killed by man./ So I tossed him through the air/ to see where he might land.''

---> ''Oh, the beauties of Firenze can melt a heart you see. Beware the girls of Roma, lest fire you wish to pee.''
---> ''I am a tactless minstrel/ I sing off-key for coins./ If you see me in the street/ please kick me in the loins.''

* In one mission, Ezio helps the Romanies get back their coin chest. What makes it funny is that you take advantage of your poison darts and spread the rumor of a 'Romani curse'. As more and more people die from the poison darts, the guards start running away. Eventually, you pick the chest up and return it to the Roamni camp. As you do so, all the guards run screaming from the 'cursed chest' while Ezio and the Romanies' leader idly chit-chat in the background of their screams.

-->Nameless Voice: Go to New York. That way, if you go there with nothing, and you leave with nothing, no one will ask why, and if you leave with something, you're one lucky son of a bitch.

* YMMV During one of the Desmond sequences he discusses how he ended up in New York. Apparently he was following some advice he heard somwhere saying.
-->Nameless Voice: Go to New York. That way if you go there with nothing, and you leave with nothing, No one will ask why, and if you leave with something, your one lucky son of bitch.

* The fact Desmond created a drink called the "Shirley Templar" when he was a bartender.

--->'''Ezio:''' Duccio. A pleasure.

---> ''Cesare, Cesare,/ The master of depravity./ He thought he was immortal/ 'til he had a date with gravity.''

---> ''Young Cesare I heard him say he could not be killed by man. So I tossed him into the air to see where he might land.''

---> ''I am a minstrel/ I sing off-key for coins./ If you see me in the street/ please kick me in the loins.''

---> ''I am a minstrel/ I sing off-key for coins./ If you see me in the street/ please kick me in the loins.''

---> ''Oh, the beauties of Firenze can melt a heart you see. Beware the girls of Roma, lest fire you wish to pee.''

---> ''There was once a man named Duccio./ A rat with [[CasanovaWannabe lecher's taste]]/ Whenever he would show himself./ My fist would find his face.''

** Ezio remembering his philandering days:

*** What makes this even more ''outrageously'' hilarious is that he was commenting on Suleiman I's rather busy and professional lifestyle, and despite utterly ''failing'' at describing how his youth was in comparison, he still manages to get the point across regardless.
** Also, Ezio's attempt at wooing the aforementioned beautiful woman:

** This gem from Yusuf while explaining bomb-crafting to Ezio:

** Ezio as a ''minstrel'', outfit, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNe2CD2czTg singing and all]]:

---> ''Cesare, Cesare,/ The master of depravity./ He thought he was immortal/ 'til he had a date with gravity.''

** Ezio as a ''minstrel'', outfit, singing and all:

* A TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed Revelations is normal. But a TV ad for the pre-order version of Assassin's Creed Revelations sung by WebOriginal/{{Tobuscus}}? [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyzIK5MFA94 Hilarious!]]