History Funny / Animorphs

* This is not a well-regarded book. There are a number of [[AuthorTract excellent]] [[ShaggyDogStory reasons]] [[IdiotPlot for]] [[BrokenAesop that]]. But the scene where the kids, disguised as chimpanzees, plaster Visser Three and his evil scientists with poop, while also tricking the other chimps into doing the same is solid comic gold.

'''Rachel''': WHy didn't she just say that to begin with?\\

(''Everyone starts giggling.)\\

'''Cassie''': '[[GratuitousLatin Calamari]]''.\\

'''Marco''': Wasn't it ''Journey to the Bottom of the Sea''?

* This exchange between Tobias and Marco:
-->'''Marco''': Hey, Tobias, I've been meaning to ask you, are hawks like seagulls? I mean, do they poop while they're flying?\\
'''Tobias''': <Depends on who's down below. Let me just put it this way -- if you get on my nerves, you'd better buy a hat.>
* In one of the Megamorph collections, Marco is specifically the only one ''not'' invited to a pool party because [[Film/CaddyShack of an incident in which he put a Baby Ruth in the swimming pool]].
* One of the first things Ax does upon finding dry land is acquire a human morph made up of mixing the DNA of his human rescuers. Then he discovers two things: the human tongue and taste buds. The combination is... amazing.
-->'''Ax:''' Humans have very odd tastes. They think their music is beautiful. They are wrong. It is awful. All of it. And they completely ignore their greatest accomplishments: the cinnamon bun, the Snickers bar, the hot pepper, and the refreshing beverage called vinegar.
** How about the fact that after the war ends, rich Andalites come to Earth specifically to morph human and taste our food. One thinks Ax had something to do with it and that Cinnabon is specifically mentioned.
** Eventually, just to satisfy Andalite tourists who've returned from their trips and still want to make use of their human morphs, there's even talk of Andalites making the morphing technology (one of their most closely-guarded accomplishments) more available on Earth in exchange for ''Krispy Kreme'' expanding their business to the Andalite homeworld. You have to assume Ax is peeved Cinnabon didn't get there first.
** Ax actually ''[[BrickJoke predicted]]'' this would happen as far back as book #18:
--->Some day, after the war, there will be pilgrimages of Andalites streaming to Earth to morph into humans for a day and do nothing but eat cinnamon buns.\\
Get the extra frosting. It's worth it.
* In #17: The kids discover a potential weapon against the Yeerks, a chemical that could possibly be used as a bio-weapon. Only problem is: "IT'S OAT-FREAKING-MEAL!"
** And even Jake realizes [[LampshadeHanging just how stupid the plot of this book is.]]
--->'''Jake:''' You know, from the point where Edelman said "maple and ginger oatmeal", I should have known this was going to end stupidly.\\
'''Cassie:''' ''Instant'' maple and ginger oatmeal.\\
'''Jake:''' Battles that involve oatmeal are just never going to end up being historic, you know? Gettysburg? No major oatmeal involvement. The Battle of Midway? Neither side used oatmeal. Desert Storm? No oatmeal.
** Also, the Controller-run [=McDonalds=] where the code phrase to enter the Yeerk pool is to order a Happy Meal "with extra happy."
** Before all this, the team want to use their bird morphs to go see a Planet Hollywood event they couldn't get tickets for. Rachel claims she only wants to go because there will be a Ralph Lauren fashion show... and ''not'', as Marco cheekily insinuates, because Creator/LucyLawless (aka Series/XenaWarriorPrincess) is one of the celebrity guests. When they're watching the show and Lawless comes on stage, however, [[NotSoAboveItAll Rachel has a brief geek-out moment]] before trying to play it cool, while Marco insists that she fly down, demorph, and challenge Xena to single combat.
--->'''Rachel:''' <Marco, Marco, Marco. You do like to cling to your pathetic little dreams, don't you?>\\
'''Marco:''' <Yes. I absolutely do. And Rachel? Don't forget the leather outfit.>
** Near the beginning, they have to infiltrate an asylum. Rachel makes the ObligatoryJoke about leaving Marco behind, and then they morph cockroaches and hide themselves in a delivery of bananas. While they're in the bananas, one of them mentions seeing a documentary about tarantulas hitching rides in bananas...
** On the final page, Marco shows up at Rachel's house with ''boxes and boxes'' of instant maple and ginger oatmeal. Now that they've decided they can't use it as chemical warfare, someone has to eat it...
* Marco has dreamed of falling and landing in Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood. Talking to King Friday.
* Marco's "groveling" in #24: ''The Suspicion'', which is made all the funnier by Cassie's total failure to play along:
-->'''Marco:''' ''(laying on his back, hands behind his head)'' I grovel before the mighty Helmacron captain, most mighty of the mighty, undisputed champion of the world in the dust-weight category! We grovel like the pitiful losers we are! We grovel like a guy who hasn't got a date the day before the prom and the only girl around is the head cheerleader, that's how much we grovel. Cassie, you could join in any time, you know.\\
'''Cassie:''' We grovel... um, like grovelers.\\
'''Marco:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, good groveling.]] Put some feeling into it.\\
'''Cassie:''' (''lamely'') I grovel like, uh... like a person who is really, really groveling.\\
'''Marco:''' O mighty Helmacron dead guy, we grovel like a video game addict trapped in an arcade without a quarter, that's how much we grovel. You would not believe the depths of our grovelry! We grovel like a guy with a large order of fries and the only saltshaker is at the table of the school bully.
** Also, Marco discovering that the completely-out-of-their-gourd Helmacrons are all female.
--->'''Marco:''' Oh man, now I'm really scared. It's an entire race of Rachels!
* Marco driving Cassie's dad's pickup, managing to hit every trashcan.
--> '''Jake''': Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just '''''[[NotSoStoic HATE TRASH CANS?!!]]'''''\\
'''Marco:''' I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.\\
'''Jake:''' You can't drive at all!\\
\\
'''Jake''': Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!
** Marco's driving experience comes from playing ''{{VideoGame/Wipeout}}'' against Jake. Then comes a tunnel, just like in Wipeout...
---> '''Jake:''' You mean the part where you always crash and burn?
** And that time he stole an Abrams tank, threatened some guy with it, and flattened Chapman's house (he needed a parking space, dammit!) Let's face it, Marco DrivesLikeCrazy.
---> '''Marco''': You know Chapman's house, nice two-story?\\
'''Jake''': ''*sigh*'' How many stories is it now?\\
'''Marco''': Uh... zero?
** The team needs to drive into a Yeerk facility. Naturally...
---><How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.\\
<He has experience.>\\
"Oh, man, [[CallBack don't even mention that,]]" Cassie said. "My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck."
** The other reason is that only his gorilla morph is able to drive. Please imagine a gorilla driving a cattle truck while dressed in human clothing and trying not to attract attention.
---> "Anybody gotta pee? Go now, cause I'm not stopping at every Stuckey's we pass."
** Ax's description of one driver's reaction to Marco's [[DrivesLikeCrazy driving]]:
---> "I saw a pick-up truck, with its horn blaring and its driver forming a sort of [[FlippingTheBird salute with one raised finger]]."
** The "Marco DrivesLikeCrazy" RunningGag started in the ''first book.'' Jake and Marco got separated from the girls while at the Gardens acquiring their battle morphs (because security had found them and they split up). The boys found a golf cart and decided to use it to get away from the guards. Cue Marco being unable to drive without slamming into the walls -- and ''knocking Jake out of the golf cart.''
--->'''Jake:''' Right!\\
Naturally, Marco turned left. Jake nearly fell out.\\
...This time Marco did choose right. And Jake ''did'' fall out of the cart.\\
'''Marco:''' What are you doing? Quit playing around.\\
'''Jake:''' (DeathGlare)
** Later, we see Marco's mother's driving... and it turns out Marco gets his skills from her.
* Also this:
--> '''Tobias''': I'm not nocturnal. I'm diurnal.\\
'''Marco''': Have you tried [[ToiletHumour Kaopectate]]?
* In ''Visser'', when the future Visser One first finds Earth, she begins investigating by picking up some of the numerous transmissions zipping around the planet... and absolutely ''panics'' when she picks up an episode of ''Franchise/StarTrek'', not realizing that it's a TV show and thinking that humans were a lot more advanced than we actually are.
** Visser One decides to invade Hollywood, which she concludes is ''obviously'' the most important city in the U.S., because of how often it's mentioned in broadcast media.
* In #30: "Alive. My mother was alive. I saw Rachel giving me the fish eye from across the room. I mouthed that one word: alive. Evidently Rachel doesn't read lips. She misunderstood what I'd said and responded by mouthing two words I won't repeat."
* In #15: "Self-destruct sequence activated. T-minus-15 minutes to self-destruct. Thank you and have a nice day!"
* At one point, Marco pretends to be a technician. When asked where the others are, the first lie he can come up with is that [[GeneralRipper Visser Three]] [[YouHaveFailedMe killed them]]. [[RefugeInAudacity It works.]]
* Early on, while the kids are raiding a Yeerk-controlled building Matrix-style, they get in an elevator in their combat morphs. [[UncomfortableElevatorMoment And thus, a tiger, gorilla, and grizzly bear make awkward elevator small talk.]]
* Say it with me, guys: Cassie ''skunks'' Visser Three.
** And then Visser Three turns purple. Why? Because the Animorphs told him ''grape juice'' would get out the smell.
*** Which turns him a lovely shade of purple. [[HilariousInHindsight As we find out later, that's the color of an Andalite female]].

* "This, Cassie, is the ancient art of whittling."
* [[TheComicallySerious Ax]] pulls out plenty of these later on in the series.
** The men on "''Series/TheYoungAndTheRestless''" do not wear shirts. I am young. And I am occasionally restless.
---> "Ax?"\\
"Yes, Marco?"\\
"Put on a shirt."
** "I would like to shuffle my artificial hooves to the music with you. But you cannot have my body. My bod. Dee. My bo. Dee." A girl who wants to dance with him quickly decides to get out of there, which makes it even funnier.
** "I believe the smell is causing me to become deranged. I may have to run away in panic."
** "You do not know me," he said, "but I am a juvenile delinquent. I do not trust authority figures, I probably will not graduate from high school, and statistics say my present rowdiness and vandalism will likely lead to more serious crimes. I am a dangerous fellow, and I am causing mayhem in this store." He reached behind her and pulled three jars of baby food from the top shelf. Shoved them behind a box of macaroni. Shuffled the Cheez Whiz in front of the Marshmallow Fluff. Tossed a bag of lady's shavers onto a bag of hamburger buns. "There. [[PokeThePoodle I have now shamelessly destroyed the symmetry of this shelf, undoing hours of labor by underpaid store employees.]] If you could see me, you would be frightened."
** I have already made sure, Prince Jake. They think I am a "[[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} pokey man]]." I have told them I am an Andalite and [[StealthPun am actually quite swift]] [[note]]"pokey" meaning slow[[/note]], but they insist they [[GottaCatchEmAll need to train me]].
** Ax (in human morph, of course) is in Marco's house, and Marco tells Ax he can only say "Yes" and "No" to his dad (Peter). When Marco comes back, Peter thinks Marco's friend's name is "No".
** Ax doing a MelodramaticPause in real life.
** [[RunningGag "Don't call me Prince." "Yes, Prince Jake."]]
** After he and Ax are the only ones left on Leera, Jake tells Ax that next time, Ax can call him "The Jake formerly known as Prince" (a reference that goes over Ax's head). Later, Ax dutifully does so, to Marco's horror.
* "Excuse me. Are you planning to have a BATTLE in my NOSE?!" [[ItMakesSenseInContext It... makes sense in context]].
** In an earlier part of that same book, a damaged inches-long Helmacron ship pulls a DynamicEntry... on a commandeered Barbie RC car.
* Ax got off to a good start during book 5, when Jake and Marco took him to the mall and he discovered taste. Aste. Tuh-aste.
** From that same scene:
--->'''Jake''': We're on schedule. So far, so good.\\
'''Marco''': Jake, can you do me a favor? Can you not say that? Any time one of us says "so far, so good", something goes wrong.\\
'''Ax''': Suh. So far so good. So far so good-duh. So fuh-far so guh-good. Good-duh.\\
'''Marco''': Oh, man.
* Ax's first experience with chili: "THIS IS A WONDERFUL FOOD!"
* From #19, ''The Departure'':
** "[[MakesSenseInContext GET! THAT! BUTTERFLY]]!"
** When Tobias alerts Jake (who is in class) via thought-speech that Cassie is coming out of her cocoon, he blurts his response out loud, earning him weird looks from the teacher and other students. Then he and the others excuse themselves from class so they can go check on Cassie:
--->"Sorry," I said. "I ... um ... I'm not feeling too well. Permission to go to the nurse?"\\
"Wait till the end of class."\\
"But I have to hurl!" I cried, and ran for the door. No one argues when you say you have to hurl. They just get out of your way.\\
Seconds later, Rachel got sick, too. She also had to hurl. Then Marco left the classroom he was in. Marco, being Marco, told his teacher he had to rush out to put on one of those Nicoderm patches. "I'm trying to break the smoking habit!" he yelled. "Don't stop me!"
* From #27, ''The Exposed'': The Chee can only be reactivated from the Pemalite ship, which is at the bottom of the ocean. Suddenly, the conversation takes a turn for the [[SeinfeldianConversation Seinfeldian]]:
-->'''Cassie''': I thought that show was called Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.\\
'''Marco''': No, that was the one where Captain Nemo fought the giant squid.\\
'''Rachel''': Who won?
* There's also the part in #14 when Ax informs the kids that the secret alien technology hidden at [[FictionalCounterpart Zone 91]] is [[spoiler:an Andalite toilet]].
** A ''primitive'' [[spoiler:Andalite toilet]]. They've made significant advancements since it crashed.

* In "The Sickness", Marco passes the time while helping to carry an extremely sick Jake back home by listing all the ways to say 'throwing up'. It is funnier than it sounds.
** Later on, after all the characters have gotten over the titular alien sickness, they talk about what they did while sick. After the rest of them complain about being too sick to get out of bed, throwing up all the time, having an alien inside their head, and such, Tobias reminds them that, since he's always in the form of a hawk, and that Cassie's father, a vet, tried to [[AssShove stick a pill]] [[CurseCutShort up-]]
*** Tobias is funny in general in that one. When he first gets sick, after being the only one besides Cassie not to, Cassie's forced to put him in a cage until her dad can treat him, next to an eagle, which his hawk instincts aren't so happy with. [[SnarkyNonHumanSidekick We can tell he's not amused]], the whole thing is hilarious.
*** And then there's how Cassie responds to his complaints, which doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome:
--->'''Cassie''': Oh, just stop it. You're in the best place you can possibly be. I have no time, no time, NO TIME for any crap, okay?!\\
'''Tobias''': (meekly) <Okay.>
* #28: ''The Experiment'' is not a well-regarded book. There are a number of [[AuthorTract excellent]] [[ShaggyDogStory reasons]] [[IdiotPlot for]] [[BrokenAesop that]]. But the scene where the kids, disguised as chimpanzees, plaster Visser Three and his evil scientists with poop, while also tricking the other chimps into doing the same is solid comic gold.
** Also in #28, when the Animorphs are trying to work out why the Yeerks would be interested in a meatpacking plant.
--->'''Cassie''': Contaminate the food supply? Kill a lot of people?\\
'''Ax''': Nonsense, if the Yeerks wanted to kill a lot of humans they could simply use their Dracon beams to ignite the atmosphere.\\
[[{{Beat}} (Silence)]]\\
'''Marco''': Well. There's a happy thought.
* In ''The Andalite Chronicles'': The mental image of Elfangor driving across the Taxxon homeworld full-speed in a YELLOW MUSTANG while DRINKING DR. PEPPER THROUGH HIS HOOF and LISTENING TO THE ROLLING STONES may well be one of the funniest things in science fiction.
** When Loren kicks Chapman where - as Elfangor describes it -[[GroinAttack his legs merge together to meet the rest of his body. Elfangor comments "I believe this kick was painful to him."]]
** "But leave the door open a crack. That's the rule in our house when Loren has Andalites over to play."
* Not to mention Ax eating popcorn (including the container) and concluding it tastes quite a bit like cigarette butts.
* The revelation that Jake and Marco once spent several hours arguing over whether cheese tastes yellow or green.
* In #16, where the Animorphs are trying to hide in fly morph in a bathroom. While asking where everyone is, Tobias describes a very smooth surface with a pool of water below. We barely discern that it's a toilet. Then, it suddenly gets dark.

* In #10, Marco manages to write three pages of a term paper before coming up with a topic. "A topic will... emerge. I just have to keep writing until I come up with a topic." Jake's suggestion is "[[SelfDemonstratingArticle The use of rhetoric to obscure a lack of content]]." Made even better [[BrickJoke later]] on in the same book, when Marco mentions offhand that he got a B on his paper.
* The distraction in #16. They burst out of a supply closet, and Rachel (in grizzly bear morph) proceeds to... mop the floor, while Jake (in tiger morph) carries the bucket for her.

* In #20: ''The Discovery'' -- the part where Tobias hits that window, and he starts spouting ''TabletopGame/{{Clue}}'' quotes was absolutely hilarious.

* In #16 when Ax says he likes the word 'millions' Rachel replies: [[SarcasmMode "Yeah. It's a swell sound. Sometimes I just lie in bed for six or seven hours doing nothing but saying 'million'."]]
* The revelation of what happens when they morph smaller animals: [[spoiler: the excess of their original body mass goes floating into zero-space where aliens travel]]:
--> '''Jake''': And it's possible some spaceship will zoom along and hit it and splatter it all over?\\
'''Ax''': No, of course not.\\
''{{Beat}}''\\
'''Ax:''' [[FromBadToWorse The ship's shielding systems would disintegrate the mass.]]
* "This is Aximili! Reassert your individual consciousness!" is hilarious for some reason. Marco seems to agree, however.
** "Please make every effort not to drop me!"
* When due to {{Phlebotinum Breakdown}} Marco morphs into a poodle-polar bear, he realizes that he has become a [[Franchise/WinnieThePooh poo-bear]].
** A lot of the messed-up blended morphs from that book have funny names. At one point, a ticked-off Jake refers to a half trout, half gorilla morph as "morphing into surf and turf." At another, Marco decides that a half-spider, half-skunk morph is either a skider or a spunk.
* The Animorphs (well, Cassie) are concerned about Amazon Cafe's use of parrots as advertisement. They come up with the solution of turning into parrots, [[HilarityEnsues insulting restaurant patrons and badmouthing the food]].
* The group takes Ax (in human morph) to see a ''Franchise/StarTrek'' movie. Ax is very confused by the experience, claiming that the ''Enterprise'' is a stupid-looking spaceship ("I know what a ''real'' spaceship looks like!") and stating that Klingons are actually females of some species he has seen before. And then he gets distracted by the numerous "globules" (candies) littering the theater floor...and then proceeds to eat off the floor, getting to the point the group has to drag him out of the theater, and he's still trying to eat the candy off of the floor.
* Rachel has a nightmare in which, among other things, [[WesternAnimation/SouthPark she kills Kenny.]]
* In The Separation, Erek, [[spoiler: a member of a secret ancient, alien, pacifist android race with extremely advanced holographic technology and the appearance of large, metal bipedal dogs, who have preserved the essence of their extinct creators in domesticated dogs and participated in human society for thousands of years in secret]], claims that the Animorphs are simply ''too weird'' for him.
** From that same book, the fact that Marco PHYSICALLY CANNOT STOP making jokes about the fact that there are two Rachels hanging around, even though one of the Rachels is very violent and has already nearly killed him for it once. It's a lot of joke, cringe, joke, hide, joke, etc.
* The Animorphs' incompetent rescue of Erek while he's paralysed and his hologram's deactivated. It involves [[NoodleImplements a Bill Clinton mask, Tommy Hilfiger underwear, and a gorilla wearing a homemade sandwich board]] advertising ''King Kong vs. Gudzilla''. Yes, Gudzilla.

** Erek was good at pulling out the Lampshades for comedic effect:
--->'''Erek''': I have got to stop hanging out with you guys. You people are just strange.
* Cassie's mom knows her daughter's favorite bands as: [[Music/TheFugees The Fudgies]], [[Music/SnoopDogg Snoopy Diggity Dog]], [[Music/BoyzIIMen Boys Eleven Men]], and [[Music/NineInchNails Nice Is Neat]]. The last one comes from Cassie making up a name less likely to draw parental disapproval when she wanted to get a NIN CD.
* The whole scene where Ax, Marco and Tobias attempt to acquire duck DNA. [[EpicFail The ducks win.]]
* An example that details the TwoOfYourEarthMinutes trope quite humorously (although this instance concerns distance rather than time):
-->'''Ax''': ...fifteen of your miles.\\
'''Marco''': You don't have to say 'your miles'. They are everybody's miles.
-->'''Ax''': What about the countries that use kilometers? See? I am learning!
** Also the fact that Ax, who often comes off as overly serious when he's not in human morph, is quite obviously keeping various running gags going deliberately.
--->'''Ax''': ...and we have seventeen minutes left in morph.\\
'''Marco''': (after a pause) Seventeen ''minutes''?\\
'''Ax''': (correcting himself) Seventeen of your Earth minutes.
** It says a lot about his character when Ax is sick, feverish, delirious, and quite literally dying, but still has the presence of mind to specify that he has a fever <...in ''your'' degrees.> It also says a lot about Marco when he begins to respond, despite the dire situation, "Ax, they're ''everyone's'' degrees..."

* Marco pretending to be Cassie via e-mail in book 16.
** Even better, Jake catching on and playing along.
* Ax avoiding detection by Cassie's dad: "I am from Canada. I am Canadese."
* "I see. And does a tornado have feet?"
* From #12: ''The Reaction,'' in which Jeremy Jason [=McCole=], a teen heartthrob actor intends to endorse The Sharing. At first, the boys' reaction is, "It's not as if he's UsefulNotes/MichaelJordan or Wayne Gretzky," until...
-->'''Rachel:''' If he endorses The Sharing, it would be as if...\\
'''Cassie:''' As if the entire female cast of ''Series/{{Baywatch}}'' endorsed something.\\
'''Rachel:''' Yeah. Like that.\\
'''Jake:''' ''(losing his amused smile)'' This actor kid has that kind of influence?\\
'''Marco:''' ''(in a hushed, horrified tone)'' He has that much power? He has ''Baywatch''-level power?\\
'''Tobias:''' <Yasmine Bleeth power?>\\
'''Ax:''' <Bleeth? Is that a word?>
** Visser Three trying to decide which Animorph to kill first. <What have I heard the human children say? Ah yes, eeny-meeny-miney-moo.>
*** Rachel's mental response: <It's MOE, you jerk. Moe, not ''moo''.>
** Marco taking the opportunity to mock the fact that Rachel triggered her first out-of-control morphing episode [[NotSoAboveItAll while pulling up pictures of]] [[CelebCrush Jeremy Jason]].
--->"It was l-o-o-o-v-e," Marco crowed, drawing the word out. "The deadly, dangerous emotion of puppy love. Rachel was overcome by attraction! By desire! By intense, uncontrollable Tiger Beat passion! And it--"\\
He was interrupted by the fact that I tried to grab him and choke him. But he dodged behind Ax.\\
"It turned her into a wild animal!" Marco yapped on. "Several wild animals, actually. She became the alligator of l-o-o-o-v-e!"\\
"It's crocodile," Jake said, smirking in a most un-Jake-like way.
** "''Series/EntertainmentTonight''! We've got stars, alright! We'll entertain you and drain you of all of your thoughts tonight!"
*** Cue Jake smacking him in the back of the head with a pillow.
* In #20: ''The Discovery'', Marco has to speak to a human who isn't in on TheMasquerade, while in morph. His way of going about it?
--> Greetings, Earthling! ''{{Klaatu barada nikto}}!'' I come in peace!
** And then:
---> Earthling! Your son ditched school early!
** The above is made even better when the guy (David's father) buys it!
* Book 21, in which the Animorphs infiltrate a secure location by morphing fleas and riding on Jake, morphed into a dragonfly.
-->'''Cassie''': <At one level, it's kind of fascinating, you know? I mean, did anyone ever read the Miss Spider books? ''Miss Spider's Tea Party'', ''Miss Spider's New Car''? This could be ''Miss Spider Goes Flying''.>[[note]]The "Miss Spider" books are, of course, published by Scholastic.[[/note]]
* Book 22, a mostly serious story, in which the side plot is that the Animorphs stop a summit meeting being targeted by the Yeerks -- which they accomplish by morphing elephants and rhinos and ''destroying the hotel complex''. Then run into a drunk Boris Yeltsin.
--> [narrating] I guess if you think about it, hanging out with a bunch of politicians talking about peace must be kind of dull. After a few days of that, maybe you kind of welcome massive, enraged animals barging through your living room.
* All Helmacron leaders must be dead, because that way they can never screw up. [[SnarkKnight Marco]], for once, is [[SarcasmFailure stunned.]]
* Ax steals the "wire that humans hang from limbless trees" for his homemade satellite dish.
-->'''Tobias:''' Ah. That explains the power outage in Jake's neighborhood.
** Also, Ax is really, really, ''really'' fascinated by "These Messages" (what we call [[{{AliensNeverInventedTheWheel}} commercial breaks]]). Tobias is actually quite disturbed by this revelation.
* In ''The Unknown'', Cassie morphs a racehorse, and Marco suggests that they could bet on her and win money. At the end of the book, [[BrickJoke he brings up the idea again]]:
-->'''Cassie:''' ''[narrating]'' And that's when I dumped a bucket of water on Marco's head and we all went home.
** In the same book, Cassie returns home late after a mission and gets grilled by her parents. When she mentions that Jake was one of the friends she was out with, the two get knowing looks and, to Cassie's supreme embarrassment, start talking about how she's not yet ready for dating and that maybe they need to [[TheTalk talk about the birds and the bees]]. After fleeing the confrontation, Cassie doubles back to listen in on her parents, and at first gets a warm inner glow as they talk about what a good kid she is... which quickly fades as they start snickering to each other about how, ''because'' she's such a good kid and already does so many chores for the clinic, one of the few disciplinary tactics they have is to embarrass her. And then start brainstorming ideas for the next time, like saying they're inviting Jake's parents over to discuss their relationship.
* While the book it comes from is definitely one of the more serious ones, the scene where Rachel finally reveals the truth about what's happening to her family and tries to rescue them... only for her mom to freak out, thinking the bear ate her.

* The finale to the TV series (which was cancelled before getting into the darker parts of the series) ends with the Animorphs pairing up for a school dance - Jake with Cassie, Rachel with Tobias... and [[HoYay Marco with Ax]]. Marco insists on leading.
** This becomes HilariousInHindsight when it is revealed years later via WordOfGod that Marco is bisexual, meaning that Marco is being earnest for once.
* The Pemalite ship in #27. Especially when it (politely) insists they leave. Visser Three is throwing a huge screaming tantrum the entire time, but the ship is nothing but courteous, and... instead of disintegrating the ship, the Visser leaves.
** The fact that the code for entering the Pemalite ship is 'six'. Just that, one number. Oh, and the main control console is built into a tree. Even Ax, whose species lives in the open air, finds it ridiculous.
* The Visser's hamminess results in some hilarious-to-imagine lines, usually given to his inept underlings.
--> <Did it occur to you that the Bug fighter is less than a hundred yards from here? Did it occur to you that Dracon beams travel a long way? Did it occur to you that we cannot get back to our own time without that Bug fighter? And did it occur to you that [[SuddenlyShouting I MIGHT BE IN MORPH]] and that you might end up shooting me?>
** Tobias refusing to give in: <[[ThisCannotBe You dare defy me! You dare resist!]]>
** And then there's this particular admonishment to his underlings, in #14:
---> <Fools! Idiots! lncompetents! Weeks have been wasted setting up this effort. First we lose that clumsy fool, Korin Five-Four-Seven, when he was bitten by a snake. And now we’ve lost poor Jillay Nine-Two-Six!>
*** He then motions to Jillay's host body, which he himself has just cut in half.
* That also comes on the heels of this brilliant exchange:
--> '''Colonel:''' SERGEANT! GET those HORSES out of my facility! NOW!
--> '''Sergeant:''' Yes sir! Horses! About face!
--> It must have surprised the poor sergeant when, amazingly, we all complied. Animorphs and Yeerks, we turned and walked away.
* Book #34 opens with Cassie and Rachel breaking into a teacher's house for something Cassie insists is a matter of life and death. It's a doodle. Featuring a heart, a cupid, and the words "Cassie loves Jake".
-->'''Cassie:''' <I accidentally turned it in with my test. Just get it. And don't say anything.>\\
'''Rachel:''' <Nothing?>\\
'''Cassie:''' <Nothing! Not. One. Word.>\\
'''Rachel:''' <Okay, you're my best friend. [[BlatantLies So not one word.]] Especially not "Awww, isn't that sweet?" And definitely not [[KISSINGInATree "Cassie is in lo-ove, Cassie is in lo-ove."]] And no way I'd ever say -->\\
'''Cassie:''' <I knew I should have done this alone.>
* Marco's summation of the team's DysfunctionJunction state in Book #35 (concerning his morphing poodle-polar bears or lobster-ospreys or gorilla-trout due to the stress of seeing his dad remarry when Marco knows his mom is still alive).
-->'''Marco:''' Cassie, everyone here has problems. [[TokenNonhuman Ax]] is [[AlienAmongUs the only member of his species within a trillion miles]] [[BigBad who's not a Controller]]; [[TheLeader Jake]] is just a DumbJock [[TheChainsOfCommanding trying to play]] [[UsefulNotes/DwightDEisenhower General Eisenhower]]; [[TokenGoodTeammate you're]] a [[TechnicalPacifist pacifist]] [[{{Hypocrite}} who spends half her time]] [[ReluctantWarrior battling aliens]]; [[BloodKnight Rachel]] is [[TheDarkSideWillMakeYouForget about three millimeters away]] [[JumpingOffTheSlipperySlope from morphing permanently into]] [[Franchise/{{Terminator}} the Terminator]]; and, oh, by the way, [[ShapeShifterModeLock Tobias]] is [[ShapeshifterDefaultForm a bird who lives in a tree and eats mice for breakfast]]. [[BrutalHonesty We all have problems]]. [[{{Understatement}} We are not exactly the poster children for Mental Health week]].\\
'''Jake:''' DumbJock? [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne Excuse me]]?
* This exchange from #44, after Cassie gets back from Australia:
--> "Talk?" Rachel rolled her eyes. "Puh-leez. He wants to give you a big, fat, sloppy kiss. You should've seen him. He was a total zombie the whole time you were gone."\\
I smiled at Jake. "A zombie? Really?"\\
Jake shot Rachel a dirty look, then stared down at his French fries. "Depends on your definition of a zombie."\\
"How's this for a definition?" Tobias said. "Somebody who can't eat, can't sleep, spends every minute of the night and day searching the airport and all other known Yeerk hangouts, and can only utter one intelligible sentence: 'I have to FIND HER.'"
* #43, Tobias has to meet with [[CuteAndPsycho Taylor]] in a public place. He does it by acquiring ''her'' as a morph.
* The entire exchange in #14 when the kids are caught in a stall with Ax and pretend that he's their horse.
* Rachel and Cassie overhear a girl asking Jake to the school dance. Rachel intervenes, informing Jake that he ''will'' be taking Cassie to the dance, her tone making it clear that this is not up for debate. Marco, ever the gentleman, immediately tells Rachel that he'll clear some room in his social calendar so he can take Rachel out.
* Cassie gets a new swimsuit with guidance from Rachel.
--> "He thinks I look dumpy," I muttered to Rachel under my breath.\\
"Cassie, you are so hopeless. What you know about guys could fit on the head of a pin. Good grief. That is not a 'she looks dumpy' look. That's a 'whoa, she looks hot, but I better not show any reaction or she'll get offended' look."
* Rachel decides Cassie needs a makeover and makes her wear her new clothes so Cassie can see how attractive she is. First a random guy says hi (who doesn't even remember Cassie's name, but then he'd never spoken to them before), another guy who gets her name wrong despite having just heard it ("He gave you a definite look. So what if he's not good at remembering names?"), a guy Cassie actually knows (who does remember her name, but thinks she's gained weight), Jake (who just smiles and says she looks good, giving Cassie a fuzzy feeling and disappointing Rachel, who wanted a more histrionic demonstration), and then there's Marco.
--> "No! No! It can't be!"\\
Marco's voice. He usually sits two rows over. But now he leaped clear over one row of seats and slithered into an empty desk next to mine. He stared at me, eyes wide with wonder. Way too much wonder.\\
"Who is this vision of loveliness? Who is this fantasy come true? Excuse me, but are you Tyra Banks? No, no you can't be any mortal girl. So much perfection could never be achieved by a mere human. You're an angel descended from heaven! I mean, they say clothes make the man, but these clothes make you an ''angel''."\\
I took out my homework and placed it on my desk. "Are you done?" I asked Marco.\\
He thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. That should be about enough."\\
"What did Rachel pay you?" \\
He grinned. "Two bucks. Girls are such idiots sometimes. I'd have done it for a dollar."
* Rachel's reaction to encountering a subset of the Iskoort species whose entire function in their culture is ''shopping''.
-->'''Rachel''': My people! At last I have a true homeland!\\
'''Jake''': They shop? That's it? They shop?\\
'''Guide''': <Someone must buy what is created in the great factories and small craftworks.>\\
'''Rachel''': Exactly.\\
'''Guide''': <The economy cannot function without people to buy things.>\\
'''Rachel''': Guide, you are finally making sense.
* [[MoodWhiplash Exactly three seconds after Jake and Cassie's first kiss]]:
-->'''Marco''': ''(holds out arms to Jake)'' What, no kiss for me?
** So he turns to Rachel.
* There's a fleeting mention in book 43, The Test, that the Andalite word for being unable to control a morph is ''notallssith''.
* After he, Cassie and Tobias are returned to their normal size after being shot with a Helmacron shrink ray, Marco expresses regret that there won't be an AdamAndEvePlot.
* In the second Megamorphs, Marco learns that broccoli was actually brought to Earth by aliens.
* Any time the group morphs seagulls, their instincts have them excitedly and constantly noting every bit of potentially-snatchable food they spot.
** Tobias, meanwhile, has ''opinions'' about seagulls.
--->'''Tobias''': <I cannot believe I'm flying with seagulls. I could get kicked out of the hawk fraternity for hanging out with lowlifes.>
* In "The Escape":
** Tobias needs to acquire a dolphin morph. This would already be awkward enough, since he has to be in his hawk body to do so... and then the dolphin he latches onto with his talons ends up being the first incident of the rare exceptions to the acquisition-puts-the-animal-into-a-trance rule...
--->'''Marco''': <Hold your breath!>\\
'''Tobias''': <Gee, really?! Do you think?! Hold my breath?!>\\
'''Marco''': <He must be okay. He's still capable of being sarcastic.>\\
'''Ax''': <Let go!>\\
'''Tobias''': <Why didn't I think of that?! Ahhhh!>\\
'''Rachel''': <Start acquiring him! It'll put him in a trance.>\\
'''Tobias''': <I am acquiring him. Guess what? He's not in a trance. Ahhhhh!>
** As Tobias prepares to dive-bomb the dolphin, screaming in "his best red-tailed way":
---><Um … is this stupid?> Cassie asked, way too late.
** Later, Cassie observes that the dolphin will probably be okay after the incident.
--->'''Tobias''': <Well, as long as the ''dolphin'' is okay. Because I really, really hope the ''dolphin'' is okay.>\\
'''Marco''': <Are you going to be sarcastic the rest of the day?>\\
'''Tobias''': <Yes. I am going to be sarcastic the rest of the day. I nearly drowned. Now I'm going to become the thing that nearly drowned me. I will be sarcastic until further notice.>
** Marco suggests that The Gardens make the "dolphin rodeo" a regular act.
--->'''Tobias''': <Hey, Marco? You need to remember that you're just a lowly seagull right now, which is practically a pigeon, and I'm a hawk. You want to keep grinding my nerves, I'll be glad to show you the difference when it comes to aerial combat.>\\
'''Marco''': <Dolphin rodeo. I'm just saying it has possibilities.>
* At the beginning of "The Decision", Ax goes to the mall, walks into the Cinnabon and offers to work for money which he can then use to buy cinnamon buns. The manager takes pity on him, and offers to give him some food if he clears the tables. Naturally, Ax's method of doing so is by eating the leftover chips and condiments...and then he sees two customers about to eat some freshly-made cinnamon buns, so he rushes over to "clear" their table. The manager stops him and, clearly thinking he is some poor, starving child, offers for him to "have one" from a tray of slightly stale buns.
-->Let me make one final point here: human mouth-sound language is very fuzzy at times. "Have one," she'd said.\\
One mouthful? One bun?\\
One tray?\\
It was certainly not my fault if there was any confusion.
** The chapter ends there, and the next begins with Marco describing [[HilarityEnsues the aftermath]].
--->'''Marco:''' So, there I am. Cruising through the food court, minding my own business, thinking, ''Hey, why not snag a taco?'' when I notice the paramedics and this crowd all gathered around the Cinnabon. And I swear, it was like this sudden, psychic feeling. I knew, I mean, I ''knew'' somehow the Ax-man was involved. So I go over and ask someone in the crowd what's happening. And [...] she tells me, "Some kid went crazy and ate an entire pan of cinnamon buns." Now, who, I ask you all, ''who'' do we know who would eat an entire pan of cinnamon buns?
* In Megamorphs #3, Cassie, who is having a very bad day, morphs polar bear, pins a racist to a wall, sticks his face in her jaws, and roars. What makes this awesome moment funny is that Tobias is standing next to her in human morph as she does this, offering commentary. First, he crosses his arms and calmly advises the other onlookers to get out of the way. Then he shrugs when the guy being pinned to a wall begs him to not let Cassie kill him. Finally, he advises him to apologize.
* ''The Warning'': Jake and co. have entered a tech billionaire's mansion in battle morphs. As they come across two bodyguards with guns, Jake thought-speaks to them and tells them that he doesn't want to hurt them, but he needs to get past them, and while they could shoot him, they won't live to enjoy it (and they aren't being paid enough to deal with magic talking tigers). The guards agree that the talking tiger is right that they aren't being paid enough, and move away.
** Jake tells Marco to open a door.
-->Marco raised his huge gorilla arms back over his head, preparing to swing them down with shattering force.\\
<Marco? Try the knob first.>\\
<Oh.>
::The door turns out to be unlocked.
* In ''The Diversion'', Rachel's mom helps the free Hork-Bajir draft a constitution, but none of them except Toby can read or write, so they vote to have Rachel's mom teach them.
-->''"Excuse me?" Her voice had thundered through the valley. "Do I look like a teacher?" They voted again, and decided that, yes, she did indeed look like a teacher. Now she was teaching them the ABC song. "No," she was telling them. "No, no, no. Elemenopee is not one letter. L. M. N. O. P. Get it?"''

* In ''The Beginning'', when Jake goes to recruit Marco for their mission to save Ax, he finds him partway through morphing lobster to crawl around the bottom of his swimming pool for no apparent reason.

----

* "Alive. My mother was alive. I saw Rachel giving me the fish eye from across the room. I mouthed that one word: alive. Evidently Rachel doesn't read lips. She misunderstood what I'd said and responded by mouthing two words I won't repeat."

** Before all this, the team want to use their bird morphs to go see a Planet Hollywood event they couldn't get tickets for. Rachel claims she only wants to go because there will be a Ralph Lauren fashion show... and ''not'', as Marco cheekily insinuates, because Creator/LucyLawless (aka Series/XenaWarriorPrincess) is one of the celebrity guests. When they're watching the show and Lawless comes on stage, however, Rachel has a brief geek-out moment before trying to play it cool, while Marco insists that she fly down, demorph, and challenge Xena to single combat.

** Near the beginning, they have to infiltrate an asylum. Jake makes the ObligatoryJoke about leaving Marco behind, and then they morph cockroaches and hide themselves in a delivery of bananas. While they're in the bananas, one of them mentions seeing a documentary about tarantulas hitching rides in bananas...
** Then you get to the last page. Marco shows up at Rachel's house with ''boxes and boxes'' of instant maple and ginger oatmeal. Now that they've decided they can't use it as chemical warfare, someone has to eat it...

* Also in ''The Unknown'', Cassie returns home late after a mission and gets grilled by her parents. When she mentions that Jake was one of the friends she was out with, the two get knowing looks and, to Cassie's supreme embarrassment, start talking about how she's not yet ready for dating and that maybe they need to [[TheTalk talk about the birds and the bees]]. After fleeing the confrontation, Cassie doubles back to listen in on her parents, and at first gets a warm inner glow as they talk about what a good kid she is... which quickly fades as they start snickering to each other about how, ''because'' she's such a good kid and already does so many chores for the clinic, one of the few disciplinary tactics they have is to embarrass her. And then start brainstorming ideas for the next time, like saying they're inviting Jake's parents over to discuss their relationship.

'''Tobias''': (meekly) Okay.

"[[SkewedPriorities Shopping.]]" And before Cassie could strangle me, I added, "For Erek. He needs clothes and a disguise".

-->'''Cassie''':<At one level, it's kind of fascinating, you know? I mean, did anyone ever read the Miss Spider books? ''Miss Spider's Tea Party'', ''Miss Spider's New Car''? This could be ''Miss Spider Goes Flying''.>[[note]]The "Miss Spider" books are, of course, published by Scholastic.[[/note]]

-->'''Cassie''': Did anyone ever read the Miss Spider books? This could be ''Miss Spider Goes Flying''.[[note]]The "Miss Spider" books are, of course, published by Scholastic.[[/note]]

* ''The Warning'': Jake and co. have entered a tech billionaire's mansion in battle morphs. As they come across two bodyguards with guns, Jake thought-speaks to them and tells them that he doesn't want to hurt them, but he needs to get past them, and while they could shoot him, they won't live to enjoy it (and they aren't being paid enough to del with magic talking tigers). The guards agree that the talking tiger is right that they aren't being paid enough, and move away.

'''Rachel:''' <Okay, you're my best friend. [[Blatant Lies So not one word.]] Especially not "Awww, isn't that sweet?" And definitely not [[KISSINGInATree "Cassie is in lo-ove, Cassie is in lo-ove."]] And no way I'd ever say -->\\

-->'''Jake:''' You know, from the point where Edelman said "maple and ginger oatmeal", I should have known this was going to end stupidly.\\

-->'''Marco:''' Oh man, now I'm really scared. It's an entire race of Rachels!

--> '''Jake:''' You mean the part where you always crash and burn?

--> '''Marco''': You know Chapman's house, nice two-story?\\

--><How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.\\

--> "Anybody gotta pee? Go now, cause I'm not stopping at every Stuckey's we pass."

--> "I saw a pick-up truck, with its horn blaring and its driver forming a sort of [[FlippingTheBird salute with one raised finger]]."

-->'''Jake:''' Right!\\

--> "Ax?"\\

-->'''Ax''': ...and we have seventeen minutes left in morph.\\

-->"It was l-o-o-o-v-e," Marco crowed, drawing the word out. "The deadly, dangerous emotion of puppy love. Rachel was overcome by attraction! By desire! By intense, uncontrollable Tiger Beat passion! And it--"\\

-->Cassie: Did anyone ever read the Miss Spider books? This could be ''Miss Spider Goes Flying''.[[note]]The "Miss Spider" books are, of course, published by Scholastic.[[/note]]

* In Megamorphs #3, Cassie, who is having a very bad day, morphs polar bear, pins a racist to a wall, sticks his face in her jaws, and roars. What makes this awesome moment funny is that Tobias is standing next to her in human morph as she does this, offering commentary. First, he crosses his arms and calmly advises the other onlookers to get out of the way. Then he shrugs when the guy being pinned to a wall begs him to not let Cassie kill him. Finally, he advises him top apologize.

* In "The Escape", Tobias needs to acquire a dolphin morph. This would already be awkward enough, since he has to be in his hawk body to do so... and then the dolphin he latches onto with his talons ends up being the first incident of the rare exceptions to the acquisition-puts-the-animal-into-a-trance rule...
-->'''Marco''': <Hold your breath!>\\

* In the book where Cassie morphs a racehorse, Marco suggests that they could bet on her and win money. At the end of the book, [[BrickJoke he brings it up again]]:
-->'''Cassie:''' [narrating] And that was when I dumped a bucket of water on Marco's head and we all went home.

--->'''Marco:''' So, there I am. Cruising through the food court, minding my own business, thinking, ''Hey, why not snag a taco?'' when I notice the paramedics and this crowd all gathered around the Cinnabon. And I swear, it was like this sudden, psychic feeling. I knew, I mean, I ''knew'' somehow the Ax-man was involved. So I go over and ask someone in the crowd what's happening. And [...] she tells me, "Some kid went crazy and ate an entire pan of cinnamon buns." Now, who, I ask you all, ''who'' do we know who would eat an entire pan of cinnamon buns?

** "[[MakesSenseInContext GET THAT BUTTERFLY]]!"

* From #19, ''The Departure'': "[[MakesSenseInContext GET THAT BUTTERFLY]]!"

--> '''Jake''': Do you hate trash cans? Is that it? Do you just '''''[[NotSoStoic HATE TRASH CANS?!!]]'''''\\